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[narrator] NOW THE STORY

OF A WEALTHY FAMILY WHO LOST EVERYTHING...

AND THE ONE SON WHO HAD NO CHOICE...

BUT TO KEEP THEM ALL TOGETHER.

IT'S ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.

[narrator] MICHAEL BLUTH AND HIS FAMILY HAD

GATHERED AT THE COURTHOUSE...

TO DISCUSS GEORGE SR.'S UPCOMING TRIAL.

- DO NOT ASK ME HOW I DID IT--

THEY OFFERED US A PLEA BARGAIN.

- REALLY? THERE'S A CHANCE WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO TRIAL?

- ABSOLUTELY, AND I SAY WE TAKE IT,

BECAUSE WE WILL NEVER GET AN OFFER THIS GOOD AGAIN.

- WOW. - GREAT. WHAT'S THE OFFER?

- WELL, I DIDN'T READ IT. I JUST GOT IT YESTERDAY.

F.Y.I.,

I'M TRYING TO GET BACK INTO THE DATING WORLD.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THOSE SILLY MEN THAT'S DRESSED LIKE

A WOMAN, ARE YOU?

- NO, BABY. I'M THE REAL THING.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW A PERSON CAN PUT THEIR SEX LIFE

IN FRONT OF THEIR WORK.

- HE'S A MAN, MICHAEL. HE NEEDS A WOMAN.

- CAN WE GET BACK TO WORK, FOLKS?

WE'VE ONLY GOT 24 HOURS TO RESPOND,

AND NO MATTER WHAT THIS IS,

IT IS BETTER THAN GOING TO TRIAL.

- YOUR FATHER'S NOT HERE. I'LL SPEAK FOR HIM.

HE LOVES IT. HE'S CRAZY ABOUT THE PLEA.

HE'S DYING TO GET OUT OF THAT PRISON

AND BE WITH A WOMAN AGAIN.

[narrator] IN FACT, GEORGE SR.

HAD A WOMAN IN HIS LIFE--

CINDI LIGHTBALLOON,

A FAN OF HIS CAGED WISDOM VIDEO SERIES,

WITH WHOM HE'D HAD FLEETING PHYSICAL CONTACT.

THAT MORNING HOWEVER,

SHE HAD SOME STARTLING NEWS FOR HIM.

- I'M A MOLE.

- WELL, YOU KNOW, GOD DOESN'T CARE HOW BIG YOUR TEETH ARE.

YES, YOU COULD GO TO A DENTIST. YOU COULD-- WHOO.

YOU COULD GRIND OFF ABOUT-- I DON'T KNOW-- 30%, MAYBE MORE.

YEAH, I WOULDN'T MISS IT.

- NO, NO, NO. I MEAN,

I'M AN UNDERCOVER GOVERNMENT AGENT.

I WAS SENT HERE TO INVESTIGATE YOU.

UP UNTIL LAST WEEK,

MY BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU WAS JUST AN ACT.

- HMM.

- BUT NOW I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

AND I KNOW YOU CAN BEAT THIS CASE

THEY HAVE AGAINST YOU.

I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT.

- I WANT TO FIGHT THIS THING.

I CAN BEAT IT. I KNOW IT FOR A FACT.

- WE'RE TAKING THE PLEA.

- LUCILLE, WE'RE NOT TAKING A PLEA.

- WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE PLEA IS YET.

- IS THAT A SHOT AT ME?

'CAUSE THAT MAKES ME WANT TO READ IT ALL THE LESS.

- YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE? - YES, I DO.

- WE'LL BOTH READ IT. - YOU'RE GOING TO READ THAT?

- YEAH. - IT'S PRETTY THICK.

- HE THINKS HE'S A LAWYER 'CAUSE HE PLAYED ONE

IN 10th GRADE.

[narrator] IN ORDER TO SATISFY

AN ENGLISH REQUIREMENT,

MICHAEL APPEARED IN THE DRAMA CLUB'S PRODUCTION...

OF AN ORIGINAL PLAY, THE TRIAL OF CAPTAIN HOOK.

- [singing] YOU'RE A CROOK, CAPTAIN HOOK

JUDGE, WON'T YOU THROW THE BOOK AT THE PIRATE--

- I DON'T REMEMBER THAT. - WELL, YOU LEFT DURING MY SOLO.

AND I'M SURPRISED MY TWIN SISTER CAN REMEMBER THAT,

CONSIDERING SHE WAS REPEATING THE NINTH GRADE AT THE TIME.

- I DON'T REMEMBER THAT. - BIG SURPRISE, MOM.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU EVER TOOK AN INTEREST

IN OUR LIVES.

HONESTLY, IF I EVER DID TO MAEBY WHAT YOU-

[narrator] LINDSAY RECALLED

THAT EARLIER THAT DAY...

SHE HAD RECEIVED A LETTER FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL

ABOUT HER OWN DAUGHTER.

AND SO LATER, LINDSAY AND TOBIAS

TRIED A MORE HANDS-ON APPROACH TO PARENTING.

- WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO TUTOR OUR DAUGHTER.

- NOW, OF COURSE,

WE'RE HAVING A BIT OF A CASH-FLOW PROBLEM,

BUT I ASSURE YOU,

IF YOU BRING OUR LITTLE GIRL'S GRADES UP,

I WILL PACK YOUR SWEET PINK MOUTH

WITH SO MUCH ICE CREAM,

YOU'LL BE THE ENVY OF EVERY JERRY AND JANE

ON THE BLOCK.

- WE'RE THE ONLY HOUSE ON THE BLOCK.

- PERHAPS WE SHOULD GET SOMEBODY ELSE.

[narrator] MICHAEL, MEANWHILE, HAD GONE

TO THE BAR ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE COURTHOUSE...

TO READ THE PLEA OFFER.

- "NOT TO EXCEED FIVE YEARS, BUT NO LESS THAN THREE."

- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? - I DON'T KNOW.

I'M SO MAD AT BARRY I CAN'T EVEN FOCUS.

THAT GUY'S OUT DATING?

I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO BE DATING, BUT I--

- CAN'T RELAX?

- NO. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

THIS IS IMPORTANT.

- NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP, MICHAEL.

IF YOU'D SLEPT WITH MORE THAN FOUR WOMEN, YOU'D KNOW THAT.

- I HAVE, GOB. - MORE THAN FIVE?

LET'S SAY "FIVE".

THIS IS A COURTHOUSE BAR, MICHAEL.

THESE ARE PROFESSIONAL, AGGRESSIVE WOMEN...

WHO ARE LOOKING FOR NOTHING MORE THAN A ONE-NIGHT STAND.

NO REAL NAMES, NO PROMISES.

- I'M NOT A ONE-NIGHT STAND KIND OF GUY.

I DON'T LIKE LYING TO WOMEN.

- THESE ARE LAWYERS-- THAT'S LATIN FOR "LIAR."

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL READING THE SAME SENTENCE.

HOW CAN SOMETHING BE

"NO LESS THAN THREE" IF IT EXCEEDS SIX?

I MEAN, SIX IS STILL MORE THAN THREE, RIGHT?

- YEAH, AND IT'S STILL MORE THAN FIVE.

- OH! OH. OH, I'M SORRY. IT'S OKAY.

I'M FALLING ALL OVER YOU. [chuckles]

- LET ME MOVE DOWN.

I'M JUST WORKING ON THIS PLEA.

- IF YOU'RE PLEADING WITH ME TO HAVE A DRINK WITH YOU,

YOU CAN STOP BEGGING.

- [chuckles] NO, NO. IT'S A--

IT'S A PLEA FOR THIS CASE THAT I'M--

I'M SORRY--- YOU WANT A DRINK.

- WELL, I DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE VIEW.

I'LL HAVE A VODKA MARTINI.

- I'LL TELL HIM.

- SO, ANOTHER LAWYER, HUH? - VODKA MARTINI!

- I'M MAGGIE LIZER, AS IN "MAGGIE LIES HER ASS OFF."

[laughing]

ONE PERSON LAUGHED AT THAT ONCE,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I KEEP TRYING IT.

- NO, IT'S GOOD. YEAH.

- WHAT KIND OF LAW DO YOU PRACTICE?

- [young Michael singing] YOU'RE A CROOK, CAPTAIN HOOK

- MARITIME. MARITIME LAW. LAWYERS OF THE SEA.

- OH. SUBMARINE CHASER.

[giggles] WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- CHARETH. - CHARETH.

OH. SO THEN WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME?

- CUTE STORY-- - CUTESTORY?

- YES. CHARETH CUTESTORY.

- THAT'S AN INTERESTING NAME.

- IS IT?

- SO HERE'S THE TEST THAT I FAILED.

- OH, OKAY. YEAH, I SEE THE PROBLEM RIGHT AWAY.

YOU, UH-- YOU GOT ALL THE ANSWERS WRONG.

YOU KNOW YOU, YOU EVEN GOT YOUR NAME WRONG HERE.

IT SAYS, "S. FUNKE.

- YEAH, WELL, SEE, WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO...

IS PUT AN "S" IF YOU'RE SINGLE, AN "M" IF YOU'RE MARRIED.

I MEAN, MOST OF US ARE ALL SINGLE, BUT IT'S

A WHOLE GOVERNMENT THING, SO--

- YEAH. OKAY. THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE

DEALING WITH FRACTIONS--

- YEAH. SO I'M GONNA GO, OKAY?

SO JUST FILL IN ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS HERE,

AND I'LL SEE WHERE I WENT WRONG.

AND YOU'RE GETTING PAID FOR THIS RIGHT?

- THERE WAS TALK OF ICE CREAM, BUT NOT EXACTLY ON MY TERMS.

WOW! WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THAT? DO YOU HAVE A JOB OR SOMETHING?

- NO, BUT YOU DO.

NOW, LOOK. DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

I DON'T REALLY NEED TUTORING ANYWAYS, OKAY?

ENJOY THE 200 BUCKS.

- OH, THERE-- THERE'S SIX 20s HERE.

- THAT'S RIGHT. - RIGHT.

[narrator] AFTER AN EVENING OF DRINKING,

MICHAEL, BEING THE SENSIBLE ONE,

OFFERED TO GIVE MAGGIE A RIDE HOME.

- OH-HO! [giggling]

[narrator] THE NEXT MORNING,

MICHAEL WAS WONDERING...

HOW TO END HIS FIRST ONE-NIGHT STAND.

- COFFEE?

- HI. YES, PLEASE. THANK YOU. THAT'S GREAT.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I AM GOING TO HAVE TO READ THAT PLEA SOON, OKAY?

'CAUSE IT'S A BIG CASE.

BUT I PROMISE LATER I WILL CALL--

[narrator] MICHAEL STRUGGLED

TO FOLLOW GOB'S INSTRUCTION

TO JUST WALK AWAY.

- I'LL-- I'LL-- I'LL CALL, OKAY? ALL RIGHT?

HEY. WHO'S THIS? - OH, THAT'S JUSTICE.

- HI, JUSTICE.

- HI, JUSTICE. IS HE AS HANDSOME AS HE SMELLS?

- I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU HAD A DOG.

- HOW ELSE AM I GONNA GET TO WORK?

- YOU RIDE A DOG TO WORK?

- [chuckles] YOU ARE FUNNY.

LET ME SEE THAT SMILE.

- WELL, IT'S TOUGH WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE WAY.

- [laughing]

SAY WHEN. - OKAY.

[narrator] AND SUDDENLY, MICHAEL

RECALLED SOME NON SEQUITURS

FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE.

- SO, TELL ME SOMETHING PERSONAL ABOUT YOURSELF.

- UH, WELL, I HAVE AN IRREVERSIBLE CASE

OF OCULAR RETINOBLASTOMA.

- HEY. I THOUGHT WE SAID NO MORE LAW TALK.

I REALLY CAN'T SEE ANYBODY RIGHT NOW.

- OH, WELL, I CAN'T SEE ANYBODY EVER.

I'M BLIND. - I'M WASTED.

[narrator] MICHAEL REALIZED

THAT THE WOMAN HE WAS ATTEMPTG TO NEVER SEE AGAIN WAS BLIND,

AND HE WAS OVERCOME WITH GUILT.

- WHEN... CAN WE GO OUT AGAIN? - REALLY?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE, LIKE, JUST INTO THIS ONE-NIGHT STAND

KIND OF THING.

COME ON. I TOOK A BLIND WOMAN HOME

WITH NO INTENTION OF DATING HER AGAIN?

PLEASE! - [guffaws]

[narrator] GEORGE SR. WAS CONTINUING

TO EXPLOIT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH CINDI.

- WHAT-- WHAT EVIDENCE DOES THE GOVERNMENT HAVE...

ON OLD WISE GEORGE, BY THE WAY?

- OH, I HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL YOURSELF OLD!

- [laughs]

- YOU'RE NEW TO ME! - OH, THAT'S-- THAT'S NICE.

DO THEY HAVE A-- A FILE OR TAPES?

- OH, WHAT'S THE USE? YOU'RE MARRIED.

- YEAH. LET ME ASK YOU-- - WE'LL NEVER BE TOGETHER.

- LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

- LET'S JUST GO BACK TO WHAT WE DO BEST.

- OKAY. - TWEAK ME.

- GEORGE! - LUCILLE!

HI. UH, THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

- IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE TWEAKING HER NIPPLES

THROUGH A CHAIN-LINK FENCE.

- YEP. YEAH, THAT'S IT.

- IS THIS WHY YOU WANTED TO FIGHT THIS THING?

SO YOU COULD RUN OFF WITH THIS GREAT REDWOOD

OF A WHORE?

- LISTEN TO ME. SHE IS A FAN OF MINE.

SHE HAS SEEN EVERYTHING I'VE DONE.

YOU UNDERSTAND? EVERYTHING.

- WELL, SO HAVE I,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE.

- OKAY.

- YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM BARRY.

- ALL RIGHT. HON? HONEY? HON?

- OH, GOD. I'M A HOME-WRECKER.

- OH, NO.

- I NEVER WANTED TO BE THAT PERSON.

- NO, NO.

NO. NO, CINDI, IT'S-- CINDI?

[narrator] MICHAEL CAME HOME UPSET THAT

HIS ONE-NIGHT STAND WASN'T OVER.

- YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH ME LAST NIGHT.

YOU COULD HAVE SEEN ME GET SOME MAJOR ACTION

FROM A MAJOR BLONDE...

WHO JUST MAJORED IN MARINE BIOLOGY,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THAT MEANS.

I ACTUALLY HAD A PRETTY INTERESTING NIGHT MYSELF.

- REALLY? WHAT'D YOU DO, READ THE PLEA?

- NO, I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO. I WENT HOME WITH SOMEONE.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER? - NOTHING'S WRONG WITH HER.

SHE'S BLIND. - ARE YOU SERIOUS?

- I DIDN'T KNOW AT THE TIME.

AND NOW I'VE GOT TO TAKE HER AND HER DOG TO THE PARK.

- YOU'VE GOT WORK TO DO. YOU'VE GOT TO READ THAT PLEA.

- I KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO LAST NIGHT

WHEN YOU PUT ME UP TO ALL THIS.

- NO, I DIDN'T. - YES, YOU DID.

- I TOLD YOU TO WALK AWAY.

I TOLD YOU TO GIVE A FAKE NAME.

- I DID. THANKS VERY MUCH.

I'M CHARETH CUTESTORY, A PIRATE LAWYER.

IT WAS AIRTIGHT.

- BOY, YOU HAD TO WORK HARD TO BAG THIS BLIND GIRL, HUH?

- I CERTAINLY CAN'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER NOW,

KNOWING WHAT I KNOW.

- WHAT? NO.

MICHAEL, YOU CAN! DON'T YOU--

YOU'VE JUST WON THE GOLD MEDAL AT THE SEXUAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS!

SHE CAN'T EVER FIND YOU AGAIN.

DON'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'RE SO LUCKY?

GOD! HOW DO YOU NOT S-- - WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

DIDN'T YOU "BAG" SOME WOMAN YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE AGAIN?

- WELL, I SCREWED UP.

I BROKE A COUPLE OF MY OWN RULES LAST NIGHT.

SHE KNOWS THAT I'M GOB BLUTH...

AND WE GOT MARRIED AND I JUST--

- WHAT? - WELL, SHE WAS A DARER.

SHE'S ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO JUST DARES YOU

TO DO THINGS.

- YOU MARRIED HER? - I NEEDED A DARE!

[narrator] WHAT HAD STARTED

AS AN INNOCENT FLIRTATION...

HAD TURNED INTO A SERIES OF ESCALATING CHALLENGES.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE EVENING WAS DRAINING...

AND THE ONE THING THEY NEVER DARED EACH OTHER TO DO

WAS CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE.

- WELL, GUESS IT'S TIME TO SEAL THE DEAL.

- OH, WAIT! WHAT TIME IS IT? OH, GOD! "SEAL THE DEAL."

MY SEAL DEAL! I GOTTA GET TO SEA LAND.

I'M SELLING FIVE OF THEIR SICKEST SEALS

TO A THIRD-WORLD ZOO.

- DID YOU SAY SEALS?

- YES! I TOLD YOU FOUR HOURS AGO, I SELL SEALS!

GOD! DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY?

- I'M SORRY

I DON'T MEMORIZE EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

SOMETIMES I JUST LIKE TO THINK--

THINK MY THOUGHTS.

- WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET HOME.

- IT WAS HOT.

- BOY, THE LENGTHS YOU'LL GO TO SLEEP WITH A WOMAN.

- BELIEVE ME, WE DIDN'T DO ANY SLEEPING.

I HAD SEX LAST NIGHT.

[narrator] BUT HE REALLY DIDN'T.

- YES, I DID.

[narrator] AND LATER,

MICHAEL ARRIVED FOR HIS DATE.

- HEY!

- I'M SO SORRY THAT I'M LATE.

- I THOUGHT I SMELLED YOU COMING.

- MM. YEAH, HERE I AM.

- I THOUGHT SO. DID YOU SMELL HIM?

DID YOU SMELL THE HANDSOME MAN, JUSTICE?

- "HANDSOME."

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE OF HANDSOME.

- WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

BUT I CAN FEEL HANDSOME.

- MMM.

- THAT FEELS HANDSOMEY. [chuckles]

SO YOU DIDN'T GET A CASE OF

"I JUST HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH A BLIND GIRL"-ITUS?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT. ONE-NIGHT STAND? PLEASE!

THIS IS OUR SECOND DATE NOW.

AND I WANNA SEE--

AND I WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN TONIGHT, SO, UM,

IF IT'S A ONE-NIGHT STAND, I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.

- BUT NOW, LISTEN,

AREN'T YOU BUSY WITH THE TRIAL?

- UM, YES, OF COURSE.

I'M VERY, VERY BUSY. BUT NOT TOO BUSY FOR YOU.

NOT TOO BUSY FOR A LITTLE WALK

RIGHT NOW MAYBE.

I'LL BE YOUR SEEING EYE DOG. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OKAY?

- OH. SHOULD WE LEAVE JUSTICE HERE?

- UM, YES. HE'LL BE FINE, WON'T YOU, BOY? HUH?

- JUSTICE, STAY! STAY!

DESCRIBE THIS TO ME, CHARETH.

DESCRIBE TO ME HOW BEAUTIFUL THE PARK IS.

- OH, I WISH YOU COULD SEE IT. IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.

THERE'S AN ELDERLY COUPLE WALKING HAND IN HAND.

THEY'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.

- YEAH?

- "ALREADY SERVED, NOT TO EXCEED SIX YEARS

BUT NO LESS THAN THREE--"

UH, THREE YEARS IS WHAT I GIVE THEM...

AND THEN ONE OF THEM DIES AND THE OTHER ONE

IS NOT TOO FAR BEHIND.

- I CAN SMELL RIGHT THROUGH YOU, CHARETH.

YOU'RE READING.

- LEASH YOUR DOG, YOU-- [beep]

- UH, YES.

- [chuckles] YEAH.

[narrator] AND GEORGE SR.

WAS WORKING ON A ROADSIDE BEAUTIFICATION EFFORT...

BROKERED BY WARDEN STEFAN GENTLES.

- INMATE BLUTH. - YES, SIR?

- I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT LAST NIGHT...

I WATCHED A VERY IMPRESSIVE VIDEOTAPE

OF THE TITLE CAGED WISDOM.

I WAS STRUCK BY THE DUAL LIFE OF THE SPIRITUAL MAN.

AND I DID VERY MUCH ENJOY

THE BLOOPER BONUS FOOTAGE AT THE END.

[laughs]

- WELL, YOU KNOW, I ALMOST DID STRANGLE MYSELF

ON MY OWN PRAYER SHAWL.

- A SELF-CHOKING FOR THE AGES.

THERE'S A SHASTA CAN THERE YOU SEEMED TO HAVE MISSED.

- OKAY.

[narrator] MOMENTS LATER, CINDI ARRIVED.

- THANK YOU, WARDEN.

- GEORGE! I HAD TO SEE YOU.

I'M SORRY I LEFT BEFORE. I JUST FELT SO AWFUL.

BUT I KEPT THINKING ABOUT US.

- YES. - ABOUT OUR FUTURE.

YES, I--

- AND I KNOW FOR A FACT WE CAN HAVE ONE.

- OKAY. WHAT EVIDENCE DO THEY HAVE ON ME?

YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT A FACT?

YOU KEEP SAYING, "I KNOW FOR A FACT."

WHAT FACT? - FAITH.

I HAVE FAITH MY PRAYERS WILL FREE YOU.

- FAITH IS NOT A FACT! - OH, YES, IT IS.

YOU SAID SO YOURSELF IN CAGED WISDOM.

[narrator] GEORGE SR. HAD SAID

"FAITH IS A FACT."

UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS IN THE CAGED WISDOM

BLOOPER BONUS FOOTAGE.

- FAITH IS A FACT. NO. FAITH IS A FACET.

I ALMOST SAID FAITH IS A FACT. [wheezy laugh]

I AM GOING TO TRIAL BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT A BLOOPER REEL IS? GUARD!

[narrator] BACK AT THE HIGH SCHOOL,

GEORGE MICHAEL RAN INTO MAEBY.

- I GOT AN "A." CHECK IT OUT.

GREAT JOB. TAKE SOME MORE MONEY.

LOOK. I GOTTA GO.

I'M GOING TO THIS FUND-RAISER FOR A SICK GIRL, OKAY?

[narrator] THIS RANG FALSE

TO GEORGE MICHAEL,

WHO KNEW THAT FUND-RAISERS, A PASSION OF HER MOTHER'S,

WERE SOMETHING THAT MAEBY WOULD AVOID.

AND LATER, AT THE COURTHOUSE--

- GOOD AFTERNOON. - THANK GOD.

SO DID YOU READ THE PLEA?

WE'VE GOT MINUTES HERE, NOT HOURS.

- I DID READ IT. MOST OF IT. UM, I DEFINITELY--

DEFINITELY READ THIS, UH--

THE FIRST PART OF THIS FIRST, UH, SECTION.

UH, NO. DID NOT READ IT.

- OH, COME ON, MICHAEL.

HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO SCREW UP...

BEFORE THE REST OF THIS FAMILY SEES YOU

FOR THE SCREWUP YOU ARE?

- I'M NOT THE LAWYER.

ALL RIGHT? WHY DIDN'T YOU READ IT?

- EXCUSE ME. I GOT BUSY WITH MY OTHER CLIENTS.

- WHAT OTHER CLIENTS?

- HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE DIVORCE?

- IT'S AN ANNULMENT. - OH, I LOOKED INTO THAT TOO.

YOU CAN ONLY GET AN ANNULMENT

IF YOU HAVEN'T CONSUMMATED THE MARRIAGE FIRST.

- WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST STAY MARRIED THEN,

BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT I CLOSED THAT DEAL, RIGHT?

[narrator] BUT HE REALLY DIDN'T.

- HE WAS TALKING ABOUT MY DIVORCE.

- YOUR WHAT?

- YOU AND DAD ARE GETTING DIVORCED?

- OH, DON'T WORRY, SWEETIE. NO ONE IS FIGHTING OVER YOU.

AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT BARRY READING THE PLEA.

WE'LL LET YOUR FATHER ROT IN PRISON.

- TAKE THE PLEA. WE'RE TAKING THE PLEA!

- WE'RE GOING TO TRIAL, YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE, AND

YOU'RE GOING TO STAY IN THERE.

- THAT'S ENOUGH, MOM. - FOR HIM? NOTHING'S ENOUGH.

YOU'D THINK A MAN LOCKED UP IN PRISON

WOULD BE ABLE TO ABSTAIN.

YOUR FATHER, WITH HIS DISGUSTING TWEAKING!

I COULDN'T BREAST-FEED ANY OF YOU KIDS

BECAUSE OF THAT MAN!

- AWW! - SHH.,

- THEY STILL LOOK FABULOUS.

- LUCILLE, FOR GOD'S SAKES. SHE WAS AN INFORMANT.

SHE WAS WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT.

THE ONLY THING I WAS PUMPING HER FOR WAS INFORMATION, HONEY.

- AN INFORMANT.

DAD, ARE YOU CRAZY?

YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THIS WHOLE CASE.

- IT'S BLOWN. IT'S OVER. IT'S DEAD. TAKE THE PLEA.

GET ME OUT THERE.

- LETS TAKE THE PLEA, OKAY? LOOK. IT'S SO NICE AND THICK.

- OH, GEORGE, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DOUBTED YOU.

EVEN WHEN YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER,

IT WAS FOR A GOOD REASON.

- GOT HER TO STOP DRINKING, DIDN'T IT?

- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

THIS IS ALL GETTING A LITTLE CRAZY.

WE CANNOT ACCEPT THEIR CONDITIONS IF WE DON'T KNOW

WHAT THEIR CONDITIONS ARE.

- DO YOU WANNA READ IT?

UH, NO. IT IS THICK. WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE IT?

- I COULD KISS YOU ON THE-- [beep]

- WELL, LET'S-- WHAT?

[narrator] AND SO THE FAMILY GATHERED

IN THE COURTROOM...

TO ANNOUNCE THEIR DECISION.

- ALL RISE. THE COURT IS NOW IN SESSION.

THE HONORABLE LIONEL PING PRESIDING.

- OH, WE'VE GOT PING AGAIN.

- PLEASE BE SEATED.

THE PROSECUTION HAS OFFERED A PLEA?

- WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR. - WE'VE GOT LIZER.

[narrator] YES, MAGGIE WAS

THE MOST FEARED PROSECUTOR IN ALL OF ORANGE COUNTY.

- AND, THEREFORE,

I WOULD LIKE TO BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO EXHIBIT "A."

[narrator] NOT BECAUSE SHE WAS

A PARTICULARLY ADEPT LAWYER,

BUT BECAUSE SHE WON THE SYMPATHY NOT ONLY

OF THE JURY AND THE JUDGE--

- AND WAS THAT MAN IN THE ROOM, NOT YOU, DOCTOR?

[narrator] BUT OFTEN TIMES,

THE DEFENDANTS THEMSELVES.

- I-- I WAS IN THAT ROOM.

- IS THE DEFENSE READY TO RESPOND?

- WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM?

- [whispering] YOU'VE GOT TO CALL THIS OFF.

YOU GOTTA GET MORE TIME. GET MORE TIME. SHE CAN SMELL.

SHE SMELLS EVERYTHING.

- OBJECTION! - WHAT?

- WE HAVEN'T READ IT.

IT'S VERY LONG, YOUR HONOR.

- [whispers] SIT DOWN!

- WE HAVEN'T READ IT.

WE'RE GONNA GET TO IT. I'M GONNA START RIGHT NOW.

- THAT'S THE BLIND CHICK YOU SLEPT WITH?

MICHAEL, YOU'RE IN BED WITH THE PROSECUTION?

- IT'S GENIUS.

YOU CAN GET ALL THE INFORMATION WE NEED.

- WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW DO WE KNOW IT'S NOT A TRAP? MAYBE SHE'S SETTING YOU UP.

- IT'S NOT A SETUP, OKAY?

SHE GAVE ME HER REAL NAME. SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS A LAWYER.

I'M THE ONE THAT LIED TO HER. I GOTTA GO TALK TO HER.

- NO!

- NO, MICHAEL! YOU CAN SAVE THIS FAMILY.

PLEASE! DO THE RIGHT THING HERE.

STRING THIS BLIND GIRL ALONG SO THAT DAD DOESN'T HAVE TO

PAY HIS DEBT TO SOCIETY.

- THE SOLUTION TO ALL OUR PROBLEMS

IS STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE AND IT CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU.

- I GOTTA GO TALK TO HER. - [sighs]

YEAH, I BETTER GET BACK TO THE WIFE.

- I THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE A SCENIC DRIVE DOWN

TO THE CITY OF INDUSTRY.

[narrator] AND GEORGE MICHAEL WENT TO

THE FUND-RAISER...

FOR THE SICK STUDENT MAEBY HAD MENTIONED,

BUT WAS SURPRISED NOT TO SEE MAEBY THERE.

- WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO HAVE IN OUR MIDST A CHILD WHO HAS

SHOWN US THE MEANING OF COURAGE.

NOW LET'S SHOW HER THE MEANING OF CHARITY.

PLEASE WELCOME-- SURELY FUNKE!

[narrator] AND THAT'S WHEN

GEORGE MICHAEL REALIZED...

MAEBY HAD BEEN MAKING MONEY BY PRETENDING TO BE

TWO TWIN GIRLS--

- MAEBY?

[narrator] ONE OF WHOM WAS ILL.

- [coughing]

- SOMEBODY GET HER A CUPCAKE!

[narrator] AND MICHAEL WENT TO MAGGIE'S

DETERMINED TO TELL THE TRUTH.

- WHAT A SURPRISE. COME ON IN.

- HEY, I'M IN. HELLO. SORRY.

- OH. HEY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE MY READER.

- YEAH? OH, YOU'RE WORKING?

- YEAH, I GOT A BREAK.

I WASN'T PREPARED, THANKS TO YOU.

- MM. [chuckles]

- WHAT ABOUT YOU?

DON'T TELL ME ANOTHER PIRATE IS STILL ROAMING THE HIGH SEAS.

[laughs]

- UH, HEY. YOU KNOW, LET'S MAKE A DEAL.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE, CAUSE I'M GONNA

START LAUGHING OUT LOUD.

- OKAY, THAT'S GONNA HELP ME SO MUCH.

- ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO SIT DOWN.

SO, UH, MAGGIE. [clears throat]

- YEAH?

- I AM NOT TRYING A CASE.

- THAT'S FANTASTIC! THEY SETTLED. GREAT.

- WELL--

- LISTEN, I KNOW I SHOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT--

BUT I AM SO BEHIND, AND I REALLY DO FEEL

AS IF I CAN TRUST YOU.

- YEAH? WHAT IS THIS?

- WELL, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW. YOU CAN SEE.

[laughs]

- [contrived laughter ] MAGGIE!

WHAT IS IT? SERIOUSLY.

- WELL, BASICALLY,

IT'S AN OVERVIEW OF THE GOVERNMENT'S CASE

AGAINST THE BLUTH FAMILY.

IT'S A SUMMARY OF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT.

- AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GIVE IT TO ME?

- YOU'RE A LAWYER. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DO WE HAVE A CASE?

- [mouthing words]

[narrator] ON THE NEXT

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.

MAEBY ATTEMPTS TO DEPOSIT HER CHECK.

GOB ADAPTS TO MARRIED LIFE. - UNBELIEVABLE!

THE SEAL DEAL FELL THROUGH.

THREE OF THE SEALS DIED ON THEIR WAY TO CHAD.

HOW AM I EVER GONNA FIND A MARITIME LAWYER?

- I'M SORRY, DID YOU SAY "SEALS"?

- YES!

I TRADE TRAINED SEALS FOR A LIVING.

DO YOU EVER LISTEN? - DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?

[narrator] TOBIAS IS SENT TO BREAK

INTO MAGGIE'S HOUSE

TO STEAL EVIDENCE.

ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT SHE'S NOT BLIND.