Home > Arrested Development

Whistler's Mother

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narrator: NOW THE STORY

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OF A WEALTHY FAMILY WHO LOST EVERYTHING

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AND THE ONE SON WHO HAD NO CHOICE

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BUT TO KEEP THEM ALL TOGETHER.

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IT'S "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT."

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MICHAEL WAS PREPARING FOR A MEETING

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WITH THE BLUTH COMPANY BOARD

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TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH SOME RECENTLY UNFROZEN FUNDS.

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- WOW. EXCITING, HUH?

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FINALLY GETTING SOME MONEY.

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- WHAT DO YOU WANT, LINDSAY?

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- I'D LIKE SOME OF THAT MONEY.

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- WELL, THIS MONEY IS FOR LAND.

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OKAY? WE'RE NOT GONNA BURN THROUGH IT

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LIKE DAD DID WHEN HE WAS IN CHARGE

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WITH HIS BAD INVESTMENTS, AND HIS CORRUPT DEALINGS--

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MOTHER'S NECK.

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- NO, THAT WAS A GOOD INVESTMENT.

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- IT IS EASIER TO LOOK AT NOW, ISN'T IT?

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- WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT

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THE MONEY WAS FOR SOMETHING REALLY WORTHWHILE?

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- LIKE WHAT? - I WANT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR.

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NOW I'M NOT SURE WITH WHO YET,

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BUT I'LL NEED LINGERIE, WAXINGS--

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THESE ARE SOME REAL COSTS, MICHAEL.

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- I TAKE IT THINGS AREN'T GETTING BETTER WITH TOBIAS.

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- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? narrator: THINGS HADN'T BEEN GETTING BETTER

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WITH MICHAEL'S SISTER AND HER HUSBAND

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EVEN AFTER SHE CAME UP WITH A PLAN TO GET HIS ATTENTION.

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[disco playing] - OH, MY GOD.

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LISTEN TO THE RADIO.

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I HAVEN'T HEARD THIS SONG SINCE WE FIRST STARTED DATING.

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- [singing] BAD GIRLS TALKIN' 'BOUT THE SAD GIRLS

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- I JUST FEEL LIKE USING MY BODY.

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- WELL, LINDSAY, COULD YOU USE IT OVER THERE?

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I'M TRYING TO GROW.

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- YEAH. IT'S CLEAR THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

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WE HAD SEX ONCE IN THE LAST YEAR, AND HE JUST LAID THERE.

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- ALL RIGHT. LOOK, THIS MONEY IS FOR LAND.

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I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU MONEY TO HAVE AN AFFAIR.

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WHY DON'T YOU PICK SOMETHING ELSE

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TO BOOST UP YOUR SELF-WORTH?

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HOW ABOUT, UH, CHARITY?

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WHY DON'T YOU GET BACK TO YOUR ROOTS?

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- WELL, IT HAS BEEN A WHILE.

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[inhales sharply] ALL RIGHT!

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I'M GONNA GO DO THAT RIGHT NOW.

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- YOU'RE GONNA GO GET YOUR HAIR DONE, AREN'T YOU?

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- WELL, IF I'M GONNA HAVE AN AFFAIR--

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[phone ringing] narrator: MICHAEL GOT A MESSAGE HE INTENDED TO IGNORE.

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UNTIL HE READ THE NEXT LINE.

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- A MATTER OF LAND, MOM?

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- OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

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I MEANT "A MATTER OF L AND D," LIFE AND DEATH.

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- WHAT IS THE MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH?

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- BUSTER'S JAW CLICKS WHEN HE EATS.

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I THINK IT'S WHAT'S DRIVING HIS FRIENDS AWAY.

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I SENT HIM TO CANADA FOR AN OPERATION.

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SO I'LL NEED SOME OF THAT NEW MONEY THAT JUST CAME IN.

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- YOU KNOW, MOM,

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IF YOU WANT AN OPERATION THAT'S REALLY GONNA HELP HIM,

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YOU OUGHT TO HAVE THEM FINALLY CUT THAT CORD.

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- HE NEEDS ME.

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- HE DOESN'T NEED YOU. YOU CODDLE HIM.

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HE'S TOO OLD TO GO RUNNING TO HIS MOMMY

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WITH ALL HIS PROBLEMS.

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- I SEEM TO REMEMBER A CERTAIN SOMEONE

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RUNNING TO MOMMY

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WHEN HIS ALGEBRA TEACHER MADE AN EXAMPLE OF HIM. narrator: MICHAEL HAD BEEN SUSPENDED

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WHEN ANOTHER BOY CHEATED OFF HIS TEST.

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- TRACY WON'T MARRY ME.

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I WON'T GET A JOB, AND--

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- [shushing]

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- WHAT IS THIS? WHAT'S HAPPENING?

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- LET MAMA TAKE CARE OF IT.

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I'LL HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH MR. VANDENBOSCH. narrator: THE NEXT DAY, MR. VANDENBOSCH WAS NOT IN SCHOOL.

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HE WAS NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN.

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- I-I KNOW LIFE IS NOT FAIR TO WOMEN.

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YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP, AND THEY DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE.

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- AND I SEEM TO REMEMBER A CERTAIN GROWN MAN

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WHO COMPLETELY FELL APART TWO WEEKS AGO

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WHEN I TAPED OVER THE NOVA SPECIAL

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THAT HAD THE GIRL ON IT HE LIKED.

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- THAT WAS BUSTER. THAT'S MY POINT. narrator: GEORGE MICHAEL, MEANWHILE,

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WAS AT THE FROZEN BANANA STAND

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WHEN HE THOUGHT HE SPOTTED A FAMILIAR FACE:

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- POP-POP?

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SORRY, MISS. [chuckling]

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POP-POP!

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- YOU THINK YOU SAW POP-POP?

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- BUT WITH HAIR!

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WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY HE ASKED FOR MY HAIR, REMEMBER?

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- GIVE POP-POP YOUR HAIR!

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GIVE ME THE HAIR!

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- IT ALL ADDS UP.

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HE STOLE SOMEBODY'S HAIR, MADE A WIG,

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KNOCKED OUT THE GUARD,

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TUNNELED HIS WAY THROUGH A SEWER LINE,

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AND THEN STOPPED TO GET A CANDY APPLE

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ON HIS WAY TO MEXICO!

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- OF COURSE!

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YOU'RE MOCKING ME.

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- [scoffs] OF COURSE.

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- LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I SAW, MAEBY.

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AND THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION.

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- SO LISTEN. MY TWIN BROTHER'S IN TOWN.

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I WANT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

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- YOU STILL SEE UNCLE OSCAR?

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- TELL YOU WHAT.

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GIVE HIM TEN GRAND FROM THE, UH, NEW CASH.

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JUST SEND HIM ON HIS WAY.

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- DAD, THE MONEY IS FOR THE BUSINESS, OKAY?

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I'M NOT JUST GONNA HAND IT ALL OUT.

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- MICHAEL! THIS IS MY BROTHER.

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A SIBLING

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WHO HAS NO SOURCE OF INCOME EXCEPT FOR YOU?

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- JUST ONE? NO.

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NO IDEA. IT SOUNDS WONDERFUL THOUGH.

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LOOK, THE BOARD IS WATCHING EVERY MOVE I MAKE.

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ESPECIALLY THAT GUY JORDAN.

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HE'S JUST WAITING FOR ME TO SCREW UP,

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SO HE CAN BLOW THE WHISTLE ON ME.

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- WHY DON'T YOU JUST BUY HIM OUT OF HIS STOCK?

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- NO, NO. HE WANTS TWICE THE VALUE.

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BUT--LISTEN.

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STOP TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO WITH THE MONEY, PLEASE?

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I'VE GOT A PLAN FOR THE BOARD MEETING

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THAT'S GONNA TAKE THE GUN RIGHT OUT OF JORDAN'S HAND.

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- LISTEN, YOU'VE GOT THE MONEY NOW.

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AND YOU KNOW MY PRICE.

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- YOU DON'T NEED A WHISTLE-BLOWER AROUND HERE.

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- INTERESTING CHOICE OF WORDS, MR. JORDAN.

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HE'S RIGHT. WE DON'T NEED A WHISTLE-BLOWER.

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WE NEED A BUILDING FULL OF WHISTLE-BLOWERS.

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OKAY? WHISTLES.

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I WANT THIS PLACE TO BE HONEST.

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THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I HAD THESE MADE UP FOR US.

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WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING WRONG, I WA--

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[whistles]

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THERE YOU GO.

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I WANT YOU TO REPORT IT.

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I WANT YOU TO-- [whistles]

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EXACTLY. JUST LIKE THAT.

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I WANT US TO POLICE OURSELVES AS VIGILANT--

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[whistling]

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LET'S WAIT TILL SOMETHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS THOUGH.

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OKAY, GOOD FUN. [chuckles]

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ALL RIGHT. HEY. ENOUGH!

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45, 46, 47--

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OKAY, THERE'S STILL THREE WHISTLES LEFT OUT THERE.

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WHO'S GOT THE WHISTLES? [whistles]

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- HE KEPT ONE.

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- THERE'S A GOOD EXAMPLE OF WHISTLE-BLOWING, OKAY?

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BUT YOU'VE KEPT YOURS, SO IT'S HURTING YOUR CASE.

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- I WAS IN THE BATHROOM WHEN YOU ASKED FOR IT BACK.

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[whistling] - NO, HE WASN'T.

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- IN ANY EVENT,

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WE ARE GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLE WITH THIS MONEY.

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- MICHAEL, I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING,

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BUT I'D LOVE TO GET A HUNK OF THAT NEW COMPANY MONEY.

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[whistling]

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- I JUST NEED TO PROVE TO MY WIFE THAT I CAN ACT LIKE A MAN.

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AND IT'S NOT ABOUT SEX.

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I DON'T JUST LIE THERE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

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- THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS THINKING.

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- SORRY, I JUST--

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A QUICK QUESTION FOR MICHAEL.

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- IS THIS ABOUT THE MONEY?

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- NO! [chuckles]

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- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

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- I MEAN, IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY IN THE SENSE THAT I'M SAYING,

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"HERE, MICHAEL, TAKE SOME MONEY."

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IT'S JUST MORE OF A "MAY I HAVE SOME?" KIND OF VISIT.

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- DON'T YOU HAVE A WIFE THAT YOU CAN ASK NOW?

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- SHE LEFT ME. - FOR TOBIAS?

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- FOR ME? - NO!

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SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU.

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- I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW.

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- YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YOUR OWN BROTHER?

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THE ONE IN THE ARMY?

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- NO. YOUR SISTER'S HUSBAND.

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- MICHAEL? MICHAEL!

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- NO, THAT'S YOUR SISTER'S BROTHER.

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- I'M MY SISTER'S BROTHER.

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YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME. ME!

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- I'M IN LOVE WITH TOBIAS.

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- MY BROTHER-IN-LAW?

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- I KNOW IT CAN NEVER BE. SO I'M LEAVING.

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I'M ENLISTING IN THE ARMY.

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- TO BE WITH YOUR BROTHER.

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- NO!

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- ANYWAY, I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO LIVE ON THE $800-A-MONTH

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ARMY-WIFE STIPEND THAT I'M GONNA GET.

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- THEY JUST DON'T SUPPORT THE SPOUSES.

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- YOU DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE UNCLE OSCAR, OKAY,

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LIVING OFF HANDOUTS YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

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WHY DON'T YOU COME UP WITH A WAY TO MAKE MONEY?

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A SUGGESTION OF SOMETHING TO INVEST IN

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OR MAYBE, UH, MAYBE A BUSINESS IDEA?

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- WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO REMAKE "ANNIE HALL."

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EXCEPT I WOULDN'T WANT TO GET IN BED WITH A GREEN PRODUCER

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LIKE A SOFIA COPPOLA THOUGH.

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OH, BUT GIVE ME AN OLD PRO, LIKE A ROBERT REDFORD?

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OH, I'D JUMP INTO BED WITH HIM IN A SECOND.

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AND I WOULDN'T JUST LIE THERE, MICHAEL BLUTH,

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IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

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- ACTUALLY, THAT TIME THAT WAS WHAT I WAS THINKING.

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- [chuckles] narrator: AND LATER THAT DAY,

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MAEBY SPOTTED SOMETHING INTERESTING.

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LINDSAY, MEANWHILE, ARRIVED AT THE SALON

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HOPING TO INCREASE HER SELF-ESTEEM.

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UNFORTUNATELY, HER STYLIST HAD JUST BEEN CALLED UP

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BY HIS RESERVE UNIT.

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- WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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- I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TELL.

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IT'S THE WAR.

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- OH, COME ON! THESE SALON WARS HAVE GOT TO STOP!

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- THE WAR, LINDSAY. THE REAL WAR. narrator: LINDSAY WAS STUNNED,

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NOT JUST THAT SHE WAS LOSING HER STYLIST,

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BUT THAT APPARENTLY, THERE WAS A WAR GOING ON.

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- WELL, I'M PROTESTING THIS WAR. YOU'RE MY FRIEND,

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AND I'M NOT GONNA LET SHAUNA CUT MY HAIR.

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I'M GOING TO TAKE A STAND. narrator: AND LINDSAY FOUND A SOLUTION

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TO HER SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEM.

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GOB AND TOBIAS, MEANWHILE,

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WERE BRAINSTORMING AT A LOCAL COFFEE SHOP.

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- I NEED A CUP OF COFFEE TO FOCUS.

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- IT'S SO CROWDED IN HERE. I CAN'T THINK.

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OKAY. WHAT IS IT THAT PEOPLE NEED?

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- PEOPLE LOVE TO CARBO-LOAD.

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THE BAGEL PLACE. - THERE YOU GO.

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- HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

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- JUST RESEARCHING OUR INVESTMENT.

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- OH, YEAH. COFFEE PLACES. I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THESE.

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I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

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YOU GUYS COME UP WITH A PROPOSAL, WE'LL TRY ONE. narrator: GOB AND TOBIAS

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ACCIDENTALLY HAD MICHAEL ON THE HOOK,

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AND THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BLOW THE DEAL.

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- I GUESS THAT'S A RESPONSE.

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- HEY, NEPHEW.

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- OH, HEY! [chuckles]

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UNCLE OSCAR. HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?

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- WOW, YOU ARE LIKE, LIKE A ROCK.

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- [chuckling, groaning]

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- OH, THE TENSION! COME ON.

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- OH, OKAY. THAT'S PLENTY.

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- OKAY, RIGHT THERE. THAT'S THE PANCREAS RIGHT THERE.

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- WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW? [chuckles uneasily] narrator: THE TWO MEN RECONNECTED,

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NEITHER ONE ANXIOUS TO BRING UP THE ISSUE AT HAND.

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- ONE ON THE LIPS.

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- OBVIOUSLY, DAD'S IN PRISON NOW.

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I'M RUNNING THE BUSINESS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENTLY.

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- WELL, YOU DO THE BEST WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.

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- YEAH.

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- I HAVE LEMONS, I MAKE LEMONADE.

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- THAT'S A VERY POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

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- BUT I HATE THE LEMONADE BUSINESS.

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I HATE THE GRIND. YOU HAVE TO GRIND SO MANY [bleep] LEMONS.

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- YOU'RE NOT A VERY METAPHORICAL PERSON, ARE YOU?

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- I NEED MONEY.

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- I KNOW.

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- [sighs] AH, I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW THAT HAS WEIGHED ON ME.

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[passing gas] MM.

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- WHY DON'T WE SIT OVER HERE?

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SO I'VE GOT TOO MANY PEOPLE WATCHING ME TOO CLOSELY.

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SO IF YOU'RE WILLING TO WORK,

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OR IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE--

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- THE ONLY THING I HAVE OF VALUE IS MY LAND.

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I COULD GIVE YOU THE RIGHTS TO "ALL YOU NEED ARE SMILES."

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THAT WAS A SONG I WROTE FOR DAVID CASSIDY;

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HE WAS GONNA SING IT ON THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW.

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BUT HE WAS TOO EMBARRASSED TO DO IT

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IN FRONT OF JOHN AND YOKO.

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- TELL ME ABOUT THE LAND.

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- OH, LAND. IT'S A COUPLE HUNDRED ACRES OF LEMON GROVES,

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RIGHT NEAR CAMP PENDLETON.

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- IF YOU'RE WILLING TO PART WITH THAT LAND, UNCLE OSCAR,

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I CAN GUARANTEE YOU A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN THAT $10,000.

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- TO BE HONEST, I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT OF GIVING IT UP

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TO PURSUE MY--MY LOST LOVE.

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THE LOVE THAT WAS TAKEN FROM ME.

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[passing gas]

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- I HOPE THAT WAS THE ESPRESSO MACHINE. narrator: MICHAEL MADE THE TRIP TO SURVEY THE LAND.

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IT WAS, INDEED, BEAUTIFUL.

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AND THE NEXT DAY, HE WENT TO HIS FATHER TO TELL HIM.

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- YOU GIVE THAT GIFT TO MY BROTHER?

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- GIFT? NO.

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I DID NOT GIVE HIM A GIFT.

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I TOLD YOU. THE MONEY WAS FOR INVESTING,

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AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID WITH IT, POP.

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- OH, MICHAEL!

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THIS GUY HAS GOT NOTHING IN HIS LIFE.

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HE WROTE ONE SONG THAT MADE JOAN BAEZ CALL HIM

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"THE SHALLOWEST MAN IN THE WORLD."

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HE HAS A WORTHLESS PIECE OF PROPERTY

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AND, YES, A HEAD OF HAIR--

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ONLY BECAUSE HE'S NEVER HAD TO WORK FOR A LIVING.

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- WAIT, NOW. WHAT PIECE OF PROPERTY'S WORTHLESS?

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- THE GROVE. YOU KNOW, WHERE HE LIVES.

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I MEAN, YOU CAN'T BUILD ON IT.

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THE GOVERNMENT HAS AN EASEMENT ON IT.

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- DOES OSCAR KNOW THIS?

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- OF COURSE HE KNOWS IT.

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I MEAN, THEY RUN THEIR-- THEIR TANKS THROUGH THERE.

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OCCASIONALLY, THEY STOP FOR A LITTLE LEMONADE,

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BUT WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S A BUCK FIFTY.

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YOU CAN'T MAKE MUCH FROM THAT. narrator: INDEED, THE LAND WAS VALUELESS.

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[explosion]

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[tank rumbling]

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- FELLAS! FELLAS!

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- SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS INVESTMENT YOU MADE. narrator: BACK AT THE MODEL HOME, LINDSAY HAD DECIDED

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NOT TO TAKE HER STYLIST'S DEPARTURE LYING DOWN.

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- I'M PROTESTING THE WAR.

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THERE'S A WAR GOING ON, YOU KNOW?

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- YEAH, I'M THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU,

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AND YOU SAID IT HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO.

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- HEY, ISN'T THIS THE SAME SIGN YOU USED

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TO PICKET THE CABLE COMPANY

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WHEN THEY DROPPED THE STYLE NETWORK?

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- ACTUALLY, I USED THIS ONE FOR MICHAEL

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WHEN HE WAS TOO CHEAP TO PAY FOR THE PREMIUM CHANNELS.

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BUT I ADDED THE BIT ABOUT THE STYLISTS.

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- YOU KNOW THAT SECRET YOU HAVE?

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THE ONE ABOUT THE HAIR THAT NOBODY'S SUPPOSED TO SEE?

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- HAI--

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- I SAW IT.

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- OH. - I SAW POP-POP.

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- OH, RIGHT. POP-POP WITH HAIR.

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YOU KNOW, I SHOULD TELL MY DAD ABOUT--

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- NO, YOU [bleep].

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HE MIGHT NEED US TO HELP HIM,

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SO WE SHOULD GO CHECK OUT THE PRISON

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AND MAKE SURE HE'S NOT THERE.

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[door opening]

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- OH.

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- HEY, YOU KNOW, I GOT CABLE. YOU WON THAT ONE!

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[beeping]

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- MICHAEL WAS EMBARRASSED ABOUT THE BAD INVESTMENT HE'D MADE

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AND WAS HOPING TO KEEP IT A SECRET.

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- HI, THIS IS OSCAR. I'M OFF, PURSUING MY LADY LOVE.

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LEAVE A MESSAGE. I'LL GET BACK TO YOU NEXT SUMMER.

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[beeping] - HEY, IT'S MICHAEL.

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I KNOW THAT YOU THINK THAT YOU'VE DISAPPEARED,

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BUT I WILL FIND YOU.

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[beeps]

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- WHO'S DISAPPEARED? - NO ONE.

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- WHY DO YOU ASK? HAVE YOU SEEN SOMEONE?

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- I'VE SEEN NO ONE.

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- THEN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE THAT LOOKS LIKE POP-POP.

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- NO. WHY?

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HAS SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE POP-POP DISAPPEARED?

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- NO. COURSE NOT.

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- HAVE YOU SEEN THE AGRICULTURAL REPORT?

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- NOTHING'S HOTTER THAN COFFEE, SO THE TREND IS UP.

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SO IF WE COULD GET THAT CHECK FROM YOU--

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- I'M NOT JUST GONNA HAND OUT A CHECK, OKAY?

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YOU GOTTA COME UP WITH AN INVESTMENT PLAN,

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YOU GOTTA CALL--

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- OH, WE'VE GOT AN INVESTMENT PLAN.

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- "GOBIAS INDUSTRIES."

00:12:45

- GO BIAS. - HMM?

00:12:47

- AS IN, "GO BUY US SOME COFFEE."

00:12:49

- IT'S GREAT. LOOKS GOOD.

00:12:51

- SO WHEN DO I START MAKIN' MY MONEYS?

00:12:54

- WELL, UM, THERE, UH-- THERE MAY NOT BE

00:12:57

AS MUCH INVESTMENT CAPITAL AS WE THOUGHT.

00:13:00

UH, MONEY'S KIND OF TIED UP IN THIS LAND DEAL.

00:13:04

- THIS IS THE FIRST ANY OF US AT GOBIAS INDUSTRIES

00:13:07

HAVE HEARD OF A LAND DEAL.

00:13:08

- WE COULD BORROW ON THAT LAND.

00:13:10

- THERE'S NOT MUCH TO BORROW AGAINST.

00:13:11

THE DEAL SEEMS TO BE BAD.

00:13:14

IT'S UNCLE OSCAR'S LAND, AND IT MAY BE WORTHLESS.

00:13:17

- AND THE BOARD OKAYED IT?

00:13:18

- WELL, THEY WEREN'T NOTIFIED.

00:13:20

- DAMN IT! EVERY TIME, DAD DOES THIS TO US.

00:13:23

- GOB, DAD REALLY WASN'T--

00:13:24

- OH, PLEASE! HE WENT AROUND YOU.

00:13:26

HE WENT AROUND THE BOARD-- - HE STEAMROLLED GOBIAS.

00:13:28

- YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

00:13:29

- I'M GOING TO GO DOWN TO THAT PRISON

00:13:30

AND GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND.

00:13:32

- HEY, GOB, NO, YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

00:13:33

- NO, I'M DOING IT! - NO, YOU DON'T.

00:13:34

- NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE IN CHARGE NOW.

00:13:36

AND I'M TELLING HIM THAT.

00:13:37

- NO, NO, NO, NO. LISTEN, GOB, HE'S HUMAN.

00:13:39

HE'S A HUMAN BEING,

00:13:40

AND LET-LET ME TRY TO GET US OUT OF THIS, YOU KNOW?

00:13:43

LET ME JUST SEE IF I CAN GET DAD OUT OF THIS MESS

00:13:45

THAT HE HAS CREATED FOR HIMSELF, OKAY?

00:13:47

- I'M AFRAID THIS OFFER COMES OFF THE TABLE

00:13:51

AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT.

00:13:54

- MAYBE THE WORST BLUFF I'VE EVER SEEN. narrator: EVEN THE MEMBERS OF GOBIAS AGREED ON THAT ONE.

00:14:00

THE NEXT DAY, LINDSAY,

00:14:02

HAVING HEARD ABOUT A MILITARY EXERCISE,

00:14:05

JOINED A PROTEST GROUP

00:14:06

AND WENT OFF TO EXERCISE HER OWN FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS.

00:14:09

- THIS WAY! THANK YOU!

00:14:12

RIGHT HERE. THIS WAY.

00:14:14

I ASK YOU TO MAKE SURE

00:14:15

YOU'RE FULLY INSIDE THE FREE SPEECH ZONE

00:14:17

BEFORE BEGINNING YOUR PROTEST.

00:14:18

- FREE SPEECH ZONE?

00:14:19

THIS IS WHERE WE'RE PROTESTING?

00:14:21

THIS ISN'T RIGHT. WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS?

00:14:22

- THEY'RE IN THE FREE PRESS ZONE,

00:14:24

AND IF YOU COULD SAVE YOUR COMMENTS UNTIL

00:14:26

YOU'RE COMPLETELY LOADED INTO THE CAGE.

00:14:27

- WELL, AT LEAST THE PROCESSION WILL COME THROUGH HERE.

00:14:29

THEY'LL SEE US PROTEST.

00:14:30

- ACTUALLY, THEY'RE USING THEIR RIGHT

00:14:32

TO CUT THROUGH THE LEMON GROVE.

00:14:33

- OKAY, HAVE FUN, ENJOY YOUR RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH.

00:14:36

THE ARMED FORCES WELCOMES YOUR DISSENT.

00:14:38

- WELL, HOPEFULLY SOMEBODY WILL COME BY WE CAN PROTEST.

00:14:47

- MY GRANDKIDS. WHAT A SURPRISE.

00:14:49

- OH, HE'S HERE.

00:14:50

- OF COURSE I'M HERE. WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE?

00:14:52

- WELL, WE THOUGHT YOU BROKE OUT OF PRISON

00:14:54

AND WERE ON THE LAM WITH STOLEN HAIR.

00:14:56

- DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF I GOT OUT OF HERE,

00:14:58

I MIGHT WANT TO GO HOME?

00:14:59

- THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT.

00:15:00

BUT THEN MY DAD TOLD US ABOUT THAT LEMON GROVE YOU BOUGHT,

00:15:02

AND WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING THERE.

00:15:04

- YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY.

00:15:05

WE WOULD NEVER BLOW THE WHISTLE ON FAMILY.

00:15:07

- WHAT LEMON GROVE? narrator: AND SO MICHAEL WENT BACK TO THE BOARD

00:15:12

TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS MISTAKE.

00:15:15

- MY DAD SCREWED UP.

00:15:16

HE BOUGHT SOMETHING THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE.

00:15:18

BUT I GUESS--GUESS THAT'S WHY HE'S BEHIND BARS.

00:15:20

- YEAH.

00:15:21

AND HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO CONDUCT ANY BUSINESS FROM THERE.

00:15:24

- [inhales] RIGHT, YEAH.

00:15:25

I WAS INVOLVED. IT WASN'T ALL HIS DECISION.

00:15:28

YOU SEE, IT WAS HIS IDEA,

00:15:29

AND THEN I CARRIED OUT THE TRANSACTION.

00:15:31

- THAT'S EVEN WORSE.

00:15:32

CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT FRAUD.

00:15:35

'COURSE, YOU CAN ALWAYS BUY ME OFF THE BOARD.

00:15:37

- WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY ANYMORE.

00:15:39

AND I ASSURE YOU THAT NOTHING ILLEGAL HAS HAPPENED HERE.

00:15:42

I'VE MISSPOKE.

00:15:43

MY DAD IN NO WAY IS TALKING ABOUT BUSINESS FROM PRISON.

00:15:46

[knocking]

00:15:47

- [softly] EXCUSE ME.

00:15:48

YOUR FATHER'S CALLING FROM PRISON.

00:15:50

HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU

00:15:51

ABOUT THE LAND DEAL YOU MADE WITH HIS BROTHER.

00:15:53

HEY, I FOUND THIS ON YOUR DESK.

00:15:55

CAN I KEEP THIS? [whistles] narrator: BACK AT THE FREE SPEECH ZONE,

00:16:03

LINDSAY'S PROTEST HAD STARTED TO GAIN SOME ATTENTION.

00:16:06

BUT NOT FROM ANY KEY DECISION MAKERS.

00:16:08

- THOUGHT WE WERE SEEIN' A GAY MARRIAGE.

00:16:10

- WELL, WE CAN STILL HOSE 'EM DOWN.

00:16:12

- WHAT DO WE WANT? [indistinct chanting]

00:16:14

WHAT DO WE WANT? [chanting continues]

00:16:16

[yelling, indistinct]

00:16:18

- WHERE'S EVERYONE GOING?

00:16:20

WHAT, ARE YOU GIVING UP?

00:16:22

- FACE IT, LINDSAY. THEY'VE WON.

00:16:24

- WELL, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

00:16:25

ALL YOUR WATER'S DOING

00:16:27

IS WHETTING MY APPETITE FOR PROTEST.

00:16:28

NO HAIR FOR OIL! NO HAIR FOR OIL!

00:16:32

- FINE! WE'LL DROWN YOU OUT WITH MUSIC.

00:16:34

- CRANK IT UP! I'M IN THE MOOD TO DANCE!

00:16:36

[disco]

00:16:38

[volume increases]

00:16:39

- [singing] BAD GIRLS

00:16:41

TALKIN' 'BOUT THE SAD GIRL. narrator: AND LINDSAY DISCOVERED

00:16:45

THAT THE ACTIVISM THAT CAME OUT OF HER DESIRE

00:16:47

FOR PRETTIER HAIR REALLY DID BOOST HER SELF-ESTEEM.

00:16:50

WHILE MICHAEL, WITH NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN,

00:16:52

MADE A RARE, UNSOLICITED VISIT TO HIS MOTHER'S.

00:16:55

- MICHAEL? - YEAH.

00:16:57

- I HOPE YOU'RE HERE TO BRING ME A CHECK FOR BUSTER'S SURGERY.

00:17:00

THEY MADE HIM STOP EATING AFTER MIDNIGHT, AND HE'S HUNGRY,

00:17:03

AND HE'S IN A FOREIGN LAND,

00:17:04

AND HIS JAW IS CLICKING, AND HE'S SCARED.

00:17:06

- I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY. ALL RIGHT, MOM?

00:17:08

- THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?

00:17:09

- I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

00:17:16

- SO HOW'S WORK?

00:17:19

- IT'S-IT'S NOT GREAT, MOM, SINCE YOU ASKED.

00:17:22

IT'S-IT'S JUST--IT'S NOT THAT GREAT, YOU KNOW?

00:17:24

I GOT A BOARD MEMBER WHO'S TRYING TO EXTORT ME,

00:17:26

AND A SELLER I CAN'T FIND--

00:17:28

THIS WHOLE REAL ESTATE THING IS A TOTAL MESS--

00:17:30

I GOT DAD COMPLETELY--

00:17:31

- WHAT DID YOUR FATHER DO?

00:17:32

DID HE TRY TO SCREW SOMETHING UP FOR YOU AGAIN?

00:17:34

- NO, NO. HE DIDN'T SCREW ANYTHING UP.

00:17:36

I SCREWED SOMETHING UP, MOM.

00:17:37

I-I DID IT, AND DAD IS JUST, YOU KNOW, FURIOUS AT ME.

00:17:40

AND HE SHOULD BE, YOU KNOW?

00:17:42

HE TOLD ME TO PAY OFF HIS BROTHER, AND I DIDN'T.

00:17:44

INSTEAD, I BOUGHT HIS WORTHLESS LAND.

00:17:46

- WITH THE LEMONS AND THE TANKS?

00:17:47

- I KNOW IT!

00:17:48

FIRST INVESTMENT I MADE WITH THE COMPANY MONEY,

00:17:50

AND IT'S A TOTAL DISASTER.

00:17:52

THEN I WENT AHEAD AND LIED ABOUT IT,

00:17:53

WHICH IS GONNA LET THIS BOARD MEMBER

00:17:55

BRING THE COMPANY DOWN.

00:17:56

I'M GONNA RUIN THIS FAMILY, MOM.

00:17:57

- [shushing]

00:18:00

- WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S HAPPENING?

00:18:02

- IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

00:18:04

- WHY ARE YOU SQUEEZING ME WITH YOUR BODY?

00:18:05

- IT'S A HUG, MICHAEL. I'M HUGGING YOU.

00:18:07

- WHY?

00:18:08

- BECAUSE YOU NEED YOUR MOTHER RIGHT NOW.

00:18:10

- BUT I DON'T GET ALONG WITH MY--SORRY.

00:18:13

THAT WAS A KNEE JERK.

00:18:14

- MICHAEL. YOU MADE A MISTAKE.

00:18:15

YOU'RE A HUMAN BEING.

00:18:18

BUT YOU'RE SO FORGIVING TO EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY.

00:18:21

TRY BEING FORGIVING TO YOURSELF.

00:18:23

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

00:18:27

LET MAMA TAKE CARE OF IT.

00:18:29

- NO, NO.

00:18:30

MOM, COME ON. I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING.

00:18:32

HEY! THIS ISN'T ALGEBRA.

00:18:33

I'M A BIG BOY. MOTHER!

00:18:34

DO NOT MAKE SOMEBODY DIS--

00:18:36

[door closes]

00:18:37

DISAPPEAR.

00:18:39

[phone ringing]

00:18:42

[cartoonish sounds]

00:18:45

[shouting, jeering]

00:18:48

- NOW THERE'S SOMEONE WHO COULD HAVE USED A GOOD MOTHER.

00:18:52

WHORE! narrator: AND SO BEFORE OSCAR COULD LEAVE

00:18:56

TO FIND HIS LADY LOVE--

00:18:58

- OSCAR! narrator: SHE FOUND HIM.

00:19:01

- LUCILLE!

00:19:02

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!

00:19:05

YOU STILL HAVE THE NECK OF A 20-YEAR-OLD.

00:19:08

- AND YOU STILL HAVE THE HAIR OF A LION.

00:19:11

- [laughing]

00:19:12

- TAKE BACK THE LAND.

00:19:15

- THAT'S IT?

00:19:16

BUT I-I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE

00:19:19

THIS BRIEF MOMENT TO RECONNECT.

00:19:23

- OSCAR. YOUR BROTHER IS IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.

00:19:26

MY HUSBAND IS IN JAIL.

00:19:27

- [sighing] YOU'RE RIGHT.

00:19:30

- SO WHAT'S THE RUSH? narrator: AND THE NEXT DAY--

00:19:37

- MICHAEL!

00:19:38

- HEY, MOM! HI. LISTEN.

00:19:41

I'M SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.

00:19:42

IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS.

00:19:43

NOW I-I GOTTA GO INTO THIS BOARD MEETING.

00:19:45

I'M JUST GONNA TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

00:19:46

IF THIS GUY JORDAN WANTS TO TRY TO GET ME FIRED,

00:19:48

THEN MAYBE I DESERVE IT.

00:19:50

- HE'S GONE. WE BOUGHT OUT HIS SHARES.

00:19:52

- WITH WHAT?

00:19:53

- WITH THE MONEY YOU TRIED TO SPEND ON THAT LEMON GROVE.

00:19:57

- YOU GOT IT BACK. HOW?

00:20:01

- [shushing]

00:20:03

- YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT I WAS SAYING

00:20:04

ABOUT HOW PEOPLE OUTLIVE THEIR USEFULNESS?

00:20:07

THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.

00:20:08

- I KNOW.

00:20:10

BUT YOU MADE A GOOD POINT.

00:20:13

MAYBE I DO NEED SOMETHING TO OCCUPY MY TIME,

00:20:15

OTHER THAN MY CHILDREN.

00:20:16

- WELL, IF YOU DO WANT TO SPEND IT TOGETHER,

00:20:18

IT'S FINE WITH ME.

00:20:19

- I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT.

00:20:28

- [sighs]

00:20:29

- ALL RIGHT.

00:20:30

LET'S GET THIS MEETING STARTED.

00:20:33

WHY HAVE WE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON WHISTLES? narrator: ON THE NEXT "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT."

00:20:42

MICHAEL FINDS HAVING HIS MOTHER ON THE BOARD PROBLEMATIC.

00:20:45

- WE HAVE TO BE COURAGEOUS.

00:20:47

- I REMEMBER A CERTAIN YOUNG MAN WHO USED TO SAY

00:20:49

"BUT I DON'T HAVE BAD DREAMS IN YOUR BED!"

00:20:52

[laughing wildly]

00:20:53

- THAT WAS BUSTER. narrator: LINDSAY FINDS HER TRUE CALLING:

00:20:57

- I WANT TO BE A CAGE DANCER.

00:21:01

[laughing] narrator: AND OSCAR COMES A-COURTIN'.

00:21:04

- [singing] ALL YOU NEED ARE SMILES

00:21:06

- WHAT'S THAT RACKET?

00:21:07

- [singing] LOTS AND LOTS OF SMILEY SMILES

00:21:10

YOUR SWEET PEA MOUTH GOES NORTH NOT SOUTH

00:21:13

AND JUST SMILES