Home > Arrested Development

Prison Break-In

narrator: NOW THE STORY

OF A WEALTHY FAMILY WHO LOST EVERYTHING

AND THE ONE SON WHO HAD NO CHOICE

BUT TO KEEP THEM ALL TOGETHER.

IT'S "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT."

MICHAEL BLUTH PAID AN UNEXPECTED VISIT TO HIS MOTHER.

- YOU LOOK PRETTY, MOM.

- WHAT DO YOU NEED?

- NEED? WHY DO YOU THINK I NEED SOMETHING?

- WELL, YOU'RE TOO BUSY FOR US. NO ONE'S SEEN YOU.

GOING ON ALL THOSE DATES WITH RITA.

OR SHOULD I SAY PLAYDATES?

- narrator: MICHAEL HAD RECENTLY DATED A WOMAN

HE LATER FOUND OUT WAS MENTALLY CHALLENGED.

- WE'RE NOT SEEING EACH OTHER ANYMORE,

BUT IT'S-- IT'S FOR THE BEST.

I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF RELIEVED IT'S OVER. narrator: ACTUALLY, MICHAEL HAD BEEN SO DEVASTATED

BY THEIR BREAK-UP

THAT HE'D EVEN BROKEN OUT THE OLD GUITAR.

- [singing] EYES, EYE--

[clatters] [sighs]

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE.

- LIKE MY MOM?

- I DON'T KNOW. DOES SHE PLAY GUITAR?

- CAN'T A GUY CALL HIS MOM PRETTY

WITHOUT IT SEEMING STRANGE?

- AMEN. AND HOW ABOUT THAT LITTLE PIECE OF TAIL ON HER?

CU-UTE!

- I'VE OPENED A DOOR HERE THAT I REGRET.

- OH, HE'S JUST TALKING ABOUT HIS STUPID TURTLE.

- OH.

- SHE HAS A NAME, MOTHER. AND IT'S "MOTHER." narrator: BUSTER HAD RECENTLY BROUGHT HOME A TURTLE

IN AN INCREDIBLY MISGUIDED ATTEMPT

TO MAKE HIS MOTHER JEALOUS.

- YOU CAN STAY IN THIS BOX THAT UNCLE-FATHER OSCAR LEFT BEHIND. narrator: IN FACT, IT WAS A BOX OF OSCAR'S

LEGALLY OBTAINED MEDICAL MARIJUANA.

- OH, GOOD. HEY, IT'S ALREADY GOT GRASS. narrator: PRIMO BUD. REAL STICKY WEED.

- ALTHOUGH I WAS GETTING A LITTLE WORRIED

BECAUSE SHE WAS MOVING REALLY SLOWLY LAST WEEK,

AND THEN SHE STOPPED. HMM.

- YEAH. WELL, IN ANY EVENT I'M HERE, MOM,

BECAUSE YOU NEED ME.

AS YOU KNOW THE BLUTH FOUNDATION DINNER IS A WEEK AWAY.

I AM YOUR COCHAIR,

AND WE DON'T WANNA RELIVE THE T.B.A. DEBACLE. narrator: YEARS EARLIER, THE BLUTHS HAD A HARD TIME

AGREEING ON A CAUSE FOR THEIR FOUNDATION'S FIRST FUND-RAISER.

- "HERPES." "SHRINKAGE."

SOMEBODY SAW "SEINFELD" LAST NIGHT.

- [chuckles]

- "NECK FLAP." "OVARIAN CANCER."

GEE, I WONDER WHO THAT WAS?

ONE MORE FOR "NECK FLAP." - YES.

- WELL, I'LL BE HONEST.

I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING THAT BEATS HERPES. narrator: SO THEY SENT OUT INVITATIONS WITH THE DISEASE

STILL "TO BE ANNOUNCED."

AND MUCH TO THEIR SURPRISE,

THE BLUTHS ENDED UP RAISING OVER $25,000 TO FIGHT T.B.A.

AND THEN--AND HERE'S THE REALLY HORRIBLE PART--

THEY DID IT AGAIN THE FOLLOWING YEAR.

- KEEP FIGHTING, LITTLE GUY.

WITH YOUR SUPPORT OF THE BLUTH FOUNDATION,

WE'LL LIVE IN A GALAXY WHERE T.B.A. DOES NOT EXIST.

- WHEN PEOPLE AT THE LAST GALA FOUND OUT,

WE ALMOST HAD A RIOT ON OUR HANDS.

- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT THIS YEAR,

BECAUSE WARDEN GENTLES IS THE NEW COCHAIR.

- THE GUY WHO RAN DAD'S PRISON?

- HE'S HERE NOW INSTALLING CAMERAS

BECAUSE OF ALL YOUR FATHER'S ESCAPE ATTEMPTS.

- UH, YEAH, LOOKS LIKE I WON'T BE GOIN' ANYWHERE

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

BUT WHAT DO I CARE, HUH?

I GOT A BEAUTIFUL WIFE.

I GOT A WONDERFUL HOBBY. HA! LOOK AT ME.

I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. narrator: HIS HOBBY WAS MAKING PAPIER-MACHE COPIES

OF HIS OWN HEAD.

- BEFORE I FORGET, DO YOU KNOW IF THESE CAMERAS ARE HIGH DEF?

- I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

IT'LL HELP ME BETTER UNDERSTAND "GEORGE BLUTH,"

THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE LATEST AND, I PRAY, FINAL DRAFT

OF MY SCREENPLAY, "NEW WARDEN."

- YOU WROTE A SCREENPLAY, HUH?

- I PROMISED MYSELF I WASN'T GONNA BECOME

ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

WHO ARE ALWAYS GOING ON ABOUT THEIR SCREENPLAYS,

SO I'LL JUST SAY,

I PUT TOGETHER A STAGED READING WITH SOME FABULOUS YOUNG ACTORS,

AND IT WAS VERY WELL RECEIVED. narrator: WARDEN GENTLES

HAD CONVINCED HIS GRANDDAUGHTER'S TEACHER

TO MOUNT "NEW WARDEN" AS A SCHOOL PLAY.

- I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE BEEN CAUSING PROBLEMS.

NOBODY SELLS ANY COKE IN THIS PEN

WITHOUT DADDY GETTING A TASTE.

BEAT HIM WITH A PILLOWCASE FULL OF BATTERIES.

- WARD'S LETTING US HOLD THE EVENT

IN THE NEW WING OF THE PRISON.

AFTER LOCKDOWN, EVERYONE'S GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN A CELL.

[others laughing]

- ARE THEY COLOR OR BLACK AND WHITE?

- SO, MICHAEL, I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP AT ALL--

UNLESS YOU NEED SOMETHING FROM ME?

- NO. I'M FINE.

JUST THOUGHT I COULD HELP. RELIEVED I DON'T HAVE TO. narrator: BUT HE WASN'T RELIEVED.

SO HE WENT HOME TO COMPLAIN TO HIS SISTER, LINDSAY.

- PRISON'S THE LAST THING WE WANT PEOPLE ASSOCIATING

WITH THE BLUTH NAME.

PLUS, WHO'S GONNA WANT TO GO?

- WAIT, THIS IS GONNA BE AT THE PRISON?

OH, GREAT. PROBABLY GONNA RUN INTO THAT WARDEN.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THE WARDEN?

- OH, RIGHT.

UH, HE SPOKE AT MY SCHOOL FOR A "STARTLED STRAIGHT" ASSEMBLY. narrator: ACTUALLY, SHE'D MET WITH HIM IN THE HOPES

OF USING HIS PRISON AS A LOCATION FOR A FILM.

- I THINK YOU WILL FIND THE DESSERT

BOTH ENGROSSING AND HIGH GROSSING.

- SO WE DON'T GET DESSERT.

I GUESS I HAVE SOME READING TO DO.

- BESIDES I DOUBT VERY MUCH MOM'S COME UP

WITH A REAL DISEASE TO HAVE A FUND-RAISER FOR.

- I FORGOT. WE HAVE A REAL DISEASE.

I CHOSE IT: G.V.H., "GRAFT VERSUS HOST."

IT'S NEW, IT'S FATAL, AND GUESS WHO'S GOT IT?

- YOU'VE HEARD OF BODIES REJECTING TRANSPLANTS.

WELL, IN THIS CASE,

YOUR TRANSPLANTED HAIR IS REJECTING YOUR BODY.

EITHER YOU REMOVE YOUR HAIR GRAFT,

OR THE HOST, YOU, WILL GET SICKER AND EVENTUALLY DIE.

- CAN YOU THINK OF ANY BENEFITS?

- BENEFITS? NO. HE'LL DIE.

- OH, OH, YEAH. NO, I-- I GET THAT.

BUT HAVE THERE EVER BEEN ANY FUND-RAISERS?

A HUSBAND WITH THE HEADLINING DISEASE.

EVERYONE'S GONNA WANNA TALK TO ME.

- YOU'RE MAKING HIM KEEP THE HAIR?

- DID YOU SEE THE ATTENTION SUPERMAN'S WIFE GOT?

BESIDES, TOBIAS WANTS IT TOO.

- OH, SHE'S RIGHT.

THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT FOR ME, BECAUSE I AM GONNA STAR

IN THE VIDEO GOB'S MAKING FOR THE GALA.

- OH, YEAH. IT'LL BE VERY UPLIFTING.

OH, HERE, LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

- THANK YOU.

OH. OH, THIS IS GONNA HURT. OH! crash! thud! OOP.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE GONNA NEED THIS FROM ANOTHER ANGLE.

- AND YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE OKAY?

- OH, PROBABLY.

I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING. HOW'S MY HAIR?

- IT'S FINE.

IT'S SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU, TOBIAS.

I MEAN, EVERYTHING'S GONE CRAZY--

THE GALA, MOM AND WARDEN GENTLES.

I MEAN, WHAT IS IN IT FOR HIM?

I THINK HE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MOM.

- AND DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU

THAT MAYBE WARDEN GENTLES LIKES HER?

- LIKES HER WHAT?

- NO, I--I MEAN, LIKES HER, LIKE, IS ATTRACTED TO HER.

- WHO'S THE "HER" IN THAT SENTENCE?

- MOM. WARDEN GENTLES LIKES MOM.

- HER?

- I'M AFRAID I'M WITH MICHAEL ON THIS.

THE GUY RUNS A PRISON.

HE CAN HAVE ANY PIECE OF ASS HE WANTS.

- AND IF HE LIKES HER IN THAT SENSE, IT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE.

I DON'T WANT MOM MIXED UP WITH THE SORT OF CREEP

THAT WOULD HAVE HER AS A FETISH.

- OH, MICHAEL,

YOU'RE JUST FEELING NEGLECTED BY YOUR MOTHER.

YOU WANTED TO GO TO THIS WITH HER, DIDN'T YOU?

- HEY, I--I DON'T NEED TO TAKE MY MOM TO A GALA, OKAY?

ONLY LOSERS GO TO THOSE THINGS WITH THEIR PARENTS.

I'M GOING WITH MY SON.

- OH, I MAY SKIP THAT. I DON'T LIKE GALAS. narrator: ACTUALLY, HE LOVED GALAS.

ALL KIDS DO.

- OH, COME ON. DON'T LEAVE YOUR UNCLE TEA BAG HANGIN'.

- PLEASE DON'T CALL YOURSELF THAT. narrator: WHAT HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH

WAS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT HIS DYING UNCLE.

- I CAN'T STAND BY AND WATCH MOM GET HURT.

I GOTTA GET DOWN THERE.

- THIS IS HEARTBREAKING.

GOTTA GET THIS FOR THE VIDEO.

HEY, GEORGE MICHAEL,

YOU WANNA PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN THERE BY HIS DRAINAGE SHUNT? narrator: BUSTER, MEANWHILE,

WAS ALSO FEELING ABANDONED BY MOTHER.

- MO--MOTHER! I HAVE NO ONE NOW. narrator: BUT AT THAT VERY MOMENT,

HIS TRUE FATHER RETURNED.

- [gasps]

UNCLE-FATHER OSCAR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- [sighs] WELL, YOU KNOW ME.

I COULD NEVER LEAVE A LITTLE BUD BEHIND.

OH, A HUG. NICE.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN A LITTLE BOX WITH A TURTLE ON IT, HAVE YOU?

- OH, YEAH. MY TURTLE WAS LIVING IN IT

BEFORE HE ATE ALL THE GRASS AND DIED.

- HE ATE ALL THE GRASS? - YEAH.

- WELL, IT'S BEEN GREAT CATCHING UP.

- W-W-WAIT, WHERE YOU GOING?

- NO, I CAN'T STAY,

BECAUSE IF MY BROTHER FINDS OUT THAT I'M HERE,

HE'S GONNA TRY SWITCHING PLACES AGAIN,

AND I CAN'T GO BACK TO PRISON.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

IF MY FATHER COMES IN, YOU CAN HIDE IN ONE OF GOB'S TRICKS.

- I CAN'T.

- AT LEAST YOU CAN STAY AND HELP ME BURY MY POOR TURTLE.

- OR WE COULD CREMATE IT. narrator: AND MAEBY WAS HAVING A HARDER TIME

FINISHING WARDEN GENTLE'S SCREENPLAY THAN HE DID.

- YOU'RE A READER.

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO READ SOMETHING FUN

THAT WE COULD TALK ABOUT ON THE WAY TO THE PRISON GALA?

- OH, I'M ACTUALLY GONNA SIT THAT OUT.

I'M JUST BURNT OUT ON PRISONS LATELY.

- WELL, THIS MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND.

- IS THAT A SCREENPLAY?

- WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME. narrator: AND MICHAEL RACED TO WARN HIS MOTHER

OF THE WARDEN'S INTENTIONS.

- HEY! YOU CAN'T PARK THERE. - OH, SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

- NO STAIRS. NO PARKING.

- [screams]

- SORRY.

- EVERYTHING LOOKS DELICIOUS.

- OH, ONE-EYE'S A WONDERFUL CHEF.

I'VE HAD TO GO TO HIS PAROLE HEARINGS TWICE

AND LIE THROUGH MY TEETH TO KEEP HIM HERE.

- [cackling]

- HI, I JUST, UM--

WOW. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

- IT'S PERFECTLY INNOCENT,

BUT I CAN SEE HOW IF OUR ROLES WERE REVERSED,

I MIGHT HAVE YOU BEATEN

WITH A PILLOWCASE FULL OF BATTERIES.

I'LL GIVE YOU TWO A MOMENT. - THANK YOU.

- I DON'T KNOW WHY I ALWAYS ASSUME

THAT EVERYONE'S READ MY SCREENPLAY.

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

THAT MAN IS BEING WONDERFUL TO US.

- AND THAT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU, MOTHER?

FOR ALL YOU KNOW, HE COULD BE TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU.

- OH, MICHAEL, YOU'RE CRAZY. - I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

- I'M TRYING TO SEDUCE HIM.

- WHO'S THE "I" IN THAT SENTENCE?

- ME. - YOU?

- narrator: HER.

MICHAEL HAD JUST DISCOVERED

THAT HIS MOTHER WAS INTERESTED IN ANOTHER MAN.

- MOM WANTS TO SLEEP WITH THE WARDEN.

- WHAT? OH, GOD!

- GREAT.

- GREAT? THE MAN IS OLD ENOUGH

TO BE HER CONTEMPORARY, LINDSAY.

PLUS, SHE'S MARRIED, OKAY?

SHE CAN'T BE WRITHING AROUND UNDERNEATH THE COVERS--

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

IT'S DISGUSTING! GOD! - TAKE IT EASY.

- NO, IT'S JUST I'VE ALWAYS HAD A THING

ABOUT MOM AND DAD BEING TOGETHER.

- I KNOW THAT.

- I HAVE A SENSE OF PROPRIETY, MY GOD.

- GOB, WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION.

- WHEN?

- THE LAST TIME YOU ENDED UP SEEING MOM AND DAD GO AT IT.

- WHAT? NO! GOD, MICHAEL!

I DID NO SUCH THING.

- narrator: HE DID VERY MUCH THAT THING

WHEN HIS PARENTS GOT INTIMATE

IN A CONJUGAL TRAILER TWO YEARS AGO.

BUT THANKFULLY, HE'D FOUND A WAY TO FORGET THAT.

- I GOT A THING OF PILLS IN MY POCKET.

I DON'T SUPPOSE I COULD CONVINCE YOU TO GRAB ME ONE. narrator: LUCKILY, THAT WORKED TOO.

- I CAN'T EVEN HEAR THIS.

- YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT THAT MOM HAS NEEDS,

BUT IT NEVER BOTHERED YOU WHEN DAD WAS RUNNING AROUND.

- WELL, THAT WAS DIFFERENT.

- WELL, HOW 'BOUT WHEN SHE WAS SLEEPING WITH UNCLE OSCAR?

- THE GUY LOOKS JUST LIKE DAD.

I DON'T KNOW. HE'S FAMILY.

IT SEEMED VERY NATURAL THEY'D BE TOGETHER.

- WHO? WHAT? WHAT IS NATURAL?

IS THERE NEW LEGISLATION ON THIS NOW? narrator: GEORGE MICHAEL WAS CONCERNED ABOUT FAMILY LOVE

AFTER READING MAEBY'S SCRIPT,

WHICH HE TOOK AS A SUBTLE MESSAGE TO HIM FROM HIS COUSIN.

- LISTEN, NEW FISH.

THAT BUNK WAS OPEN BECAUSE THE LAST GUY

WOULDN'T DO THE THINGS THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO.

- WE'RE GOING TO DO THINGS?

- ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN WHEN TWO PEOPLE SHARE A CELL, COZ.

- UM, I'LL GO--OKAY, I'LL GO WITH YOU TO THE PRISON.

- GEORGE MICHAEL, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS RUN UPSTAIRS

AND RUN A NICE BATH FOR UNCLE TOBIAS.

AND I WANT YOU TO HELP HIM GET IN THE TUB.

CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME? THANKS.

- AND DON'T MAKE THE WATER TOO HOT.

THE SCABS COME RIGHT OFF.

- COME ON, LINDSAY. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT MOTHER?

- HONESTLY, MICHAEL,

ALL THIS "MOTHER" TALK--

YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND A LOT LIKE BUSTER. narrator: AND MICHAEL REALIZED THERE WAS SOMEBODY ELSE

IN THE FAMILY WHO WOULD CARE ABOUT THIS.

- BUSTER'S GONNA TAKE THIS SO HARD.

I CANNOT LET MY BROTHER GET HURT.

- OH!

[grunting]

- OH, IT'S ON STANDBY.

GOT ANOTHER ONE IN YOU?

- [groaning] narrator: BUSTER, MEANWHILE, WAS ENJOYING BEING WITH OSCAR.

BUT OSCAR WAS LONGING FOR HIS SWEET FREEDOM.

- SAY, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SWEET FREEDOM OR TROPICAL EASE

OR ANY OF THE HAWAIIAN BLENDS, DO YOU?

[door closes] SOMEONE'S COMING.

- OH, DAD, GET IN THE CAGE AND HIDE BEHIND THE MIRROR.

IT'LL LOOK EMPTY. narrator: OSCAR NEVER GOT A CHANCE

TO HIDE BEHIND THE MIRROR.

- [grunts] narrator: ALTHOUGH IT WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME

HE WAS KNOCKED OUT BY A POWERFUL LID.

- HEY, BUSTER, LISTEN.

I GOT SOME BAD NEWS ABOUT MOM.

SHE'S PLANNING ON SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH ANOTHER MAN.

- GOB?

- N-NO. NOT ANOTHER BROTHER.

- OH. THEN WHY DO WE CARE?

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?

UH, B-BUSTER, YOU'VE GOT TO TALK TO MOM ABOUT THIS.

SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY DO IT.

IF DAD FINDS OUT, HE'LL GO BERSERK.

- IF DAD FINDS OUT ABOUT WHAT?

- OH. WELL, I GUESS I'VE GOT NO CHOICE NOW.

DAD, I-I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS

ABOUT MOM AND WARDEN GENTLES DATING.

- OH. BETTER SIT DOWN.

[breathing heavily] OKAY, WHAT'S THE NEWS?

- THEY'RE DATING.

- OH, YEAH. BECAUSE SHE'S-- SHE'S MY WIFE.

OH, YEAH. DAMN IT!

- I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE NOT MORE UPSET ABOUT THIS.

- WHEN YOU FIRST TOLD ME, BUT YOU SEE, TIME--TIME PASSES.

BESIDES, IT'S ONLY, UH, DINNER IN THE OFFICE.

I MEAN IT'S NOT LE CIRQUE.

- HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS IN HIS OFFICE?

- WELL, WH-WHERE-- WHERE THE HELL ELSE

ARE THEY GONNA GO AT 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON?

- IT WAS AROUND 4:00. YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THIS.

COME ON. YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING, RIGHT?

- NO. - YOU BOTH ARE.

SHE'S WORKIN' THE WARDEN. YOU'RE MAKIN' FAKE HEADS.

YOU'RE PLANNING AN ESCAPE.

- HOW DARE YOU?

I OUGHTA SHAVE YOUR HEAD

AND MAKE YOU SIT UNDER THAT CAMERA ALL NIGHT, MISTER.

- IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. YOU KNOW,

I WAS WORRIED THAT THIS GUY WAS GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MOM.

YOU BOTH WERE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I WORK SO DAMN HARD

TO KEEP THIS FAMILY TOGETHER.

- MICHAEL, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR ONE SEC? narrator: AND THAT'S WHEN GEORGE SR. GOT A CALL FROM LUCILLE.

- THREE, TWO, TWO, FIVE, TWO.

[beeps] - HOWDY DOODY, THAT'S IT.

NOW, Y-YOU GET BACK HERE SO YOU CAN SMUGGLE ME OUT

PAST THE GUARDS BEFORE MICHAEL STARTS BLABBING.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN SMUGGLE YOURSELF OUT.

YOU WANNA GET AWAY FROM ME SO BAD? YOU'RE FREE.

BUT I'M FREE TOO, BABY.

I'M STAYING IN THE CONJUGAL TRAILER WITH THE WARDEN TONIGHT.

- HIM?

- HEY, WHY IS THERE AN AMBULANCE OUT FRONT?

- HONEY, THE CAR IS HERE.

- HEY, DO YOU NEED A RIDE?

I MEAN, YOU'LL HAVE TO LIE DOWN, BUT--

- I'M NOT GOIN'. THE WHOLE THING IS A SCAM.

MOM WAS USING THAT WARDEN TO TRY TO GET DAD OUT.

SHE'S NOT TRYING TO SEDUCE HIM AT ALL.

- OH, NO. SHE IS.

SHE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH HIM.

SHE JUST CALLED TO ASK ME TO BRING HER A TUBE OF VAG--

IS-TABLE PASTE.

HI, GEORGE MICHAEL.

- YOU'RE GOIN' TOO, HUH?

- YEAH. I THOUGHT I WOULD, UM, JUST GO WITH MAEBY

AND SUPPORT HER THROUGH THIS WHOLE GRAFT VERSUS HOST THING. narrator: AND MICHAEL HIMSELF WAS FEELING A LITTLE LIKE

THE HOST THAT THE GRAFTING FAMILY WAS REJECTING.

- GOOD. GREAT. GO.

IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT CAUSE.

I'LL JUST STAY HERE AND READ. narrator: BUT THIS, TOO, WOULD PROVE CHALLENGING

AS THE FAMILY HAD NO BOOKS.

OTHER THAN THOSE.

AND THAT'S WHEN MICHAEL GOT A GLIMPSE

INTO THE WARDEN'S TRUE INTENTIONS WITH HIS MOTHER.

- YOU WERE JUST USING ME

TO GET EVEN WITH THE MAN WHO BROKE OUT OF YOUR PRISON?

- THAT ESCAPE COST ME MY PROMOTION.

AND YOU WILL PAY FOR THE LOSS OF $2,300 A YEAR.

- BUT YOU GAVE ME PRESENTS. WE MADE LOVE.

- I'VE GIVEN YOU ONE LAST PRESENT.

ENJOY THE CHLAMYDIA, LUCILLE.

HA, HA, HA.

TAKE THIS NEWLY DISEASED WOMAN TO THE HOLE. HA, HA, HA.

- I WISH I'D READ "THE MAN INSIDE ME." narrator: GEORGE SR. NEEDED TO ESCAPE,

BUT HIS HANDMADE REPLICA WOULD NEVER FOOL THE CAMERAS.

SO HE SEARCHED THROUGH GOB'S MAGIC STUFF

TO FIND SOMETHING THAT MIGHT.

- WELL, THAT WAS A FREEBIE.

- HEY, GOB, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE AT THE GALA.

- YEAH, DAD MADE ME MOVE MY STUFF OUTTA BUSTER'S ROOM. narrator: BUT ONLY AFTER HIDING HIMSELF IN THE CAGE

TO GET PAST THE COPS AT THE DOOR.

- GO.

- MOM'S BEING SET UP. WE HAVE TO GET INTO THAT PRISON.

- IT'S AFTER LOCKDOWN.

- COME ON, GOB. YOU WERE GONNA BREAK OUT OF THIS PLACE ONCE.

I KNOW YOU CAN HELP ME BREAK IN.

- [scoffs] IT'S NOT A JAMBA JUICE, MICHAEL.

IT SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD TO BREAK INTO. narrator: AND BUSTER RETURNED

ONLY TO FIND NO EVIDENCE OF HIS UNCLE-FATHER.

- [mumbles] - HEY, FATHER-UNCLE DAD,

I WAS JUST BRINGIN' SOME JUICE FOR MY PET.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE NOT REALLY SMILING.

- I'M OSCAR. HE DID IT AGAIN.

I TOLD YOU HE WOULD.

I CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN. I CAN'T BE CAGED! narrator: AND BUSTER REALIZED

HE NEEDED TO GIVE HIS TRUE FATHER HIS FREEDOM.

- HEY! LET'S GET HIM! narrator: BUT IT WAS A FREEDOM THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG.

AND AS THE PRISON GALA WAS UNDERWAY,

THE GUYS ARRIVED FOR THEIR BREAK-IN, WITH THE HELP

OF ONE OF GEORGE SR.'S INSTRUMENTS OF ESCAPE.

- YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA WORK?

- IT'S A JET PACK, MICHAEL. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

ALL RIGHT.

- NOW JUST MAKE SURE YOU TELL ME BEFORE YOU HIT ANY BUTTONS--

- GOOD. NOW WE KNOW WHAT THE STRAP IS FOR.

- OKAY. - UNDER THE CROTCH.

- WE NEED A NEW PLAN. - YUP.

- WISH I KNEW THE LAYOUT OF THIS PLACE.

- WAY AHEAD OF YOU, MICHAEL.

DREW A MAP OF IT ON MY STOMACH.

IT'S UPSIDE DOWN, SO IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE AWKWARD. narrator: IT WAS AWKWARD.

- I DREW US.

I THINK WE'RE, LIKE, RIGHT THERE.

- HEY, GUYS.

IF YOU'RE GONNA PARTY, YOU WANNA BRING IT INSIDE?

- THAT WAS A FREEBIE.

- WELL, THE NEW FACILITY ISN'T SO BAD, HUH?

IT'S A LOT LIKE SCHOOL, ONLY IT'S AIR-CONDITIONED.

SO I GUESS WE CAN JUST, UH--

JUST CHOOSE A CELL TO STAY OVERNIGHT IN AND, UH--

- OH, GREAT. AND YOU CAN TAKE ME THROUGH YOUR THOUGHTS

ABOUT THE SCREENPLAY BEAT BY BEAT.

- SURE. YEAH. "BECAUSE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN

WHEN TWO PEOPLE SHARE A CELL, COZ."

IT'S A LINE FROM-- FROM "NEW WARDEN."

- OH. OH!

OKAY, YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT. narrator: THAT WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST MOMENT

GEORGE MICHAEL WOULD EVER EXPERIENCE IN HIS LIFE.

AND THE WARDEN WAS HAPPY TOO.

- WHAT A TREAT.

THE MAN WHO COST ME MY PROMOTION ENDS UP BACK IN MY CARE.

AND I DON'T THINK THERE'S GOING TO BE

AN "I'M OSCAR" WEB SITE THIS TIME.

- THINK THIS TIME I'LL DO A PODCAST.

- "GRAFT VERSUS HOST." SOUNDS LIKE A TENNIS MATCH

BETWEEN STEFFI GRAF AND "HAPPY DAYS" STAR DONNY HOST. narrator: IT'S "MOST."

- BUT IT'S FAR DEADLIER.

HELLO. I'M GOB BLUTH.

AS A MAGICIAN, I CAN MAKE A LOT OF THINGS DISAPPEAR.

THERE ARE SOME THINGS I CAN'T MAKE DISAPPEAR--

NO, NOT THAT CANDY BALL MACHINE--

THE DISEASE G.V.H. WITHOUT YOUR HELP.

THIS IS TOBIAS.

WHEN TOBY FIRST CAME INTO THE FAMILY,

NONE OF US MUCH WANTED HIM AROUND,

BUT THAT'S BECAUSE WE COULDN'T SEE WHAT WAS ON THE INSIDE.

BUT LATELY, THAT'S ALL WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO SEE.

[woman gagging]

BUT WHAT WAS TOBIAS TO DO-- [crowd groans]

HAVE HIS HAIR PLUGS REMOVED?

- THE DOCTOR SAYS

I'D BE COMPLETELY HEALED IF I WERE TO DO THAT.

- HE JUST NEEDS HIS HAIR PLUGS OUT?

- DOCTOR SAYS THAT'S THE CURE.

- THERE'S A CURE?

- NO WAY. THAT HORSEHAIR IS MY TICKET BACK INTO SOCIETY.

YOU CUT IT AFTER THOSE IDIOTS AT THE GALA

ACCEPT ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN.

- WE'RE GIVING MONEY FOR THIS GUY

TO KEEP HIS HAIR TRANSPLANTS?

- I'D RATHER GIVE TO T.B.A.! - [bleep] narrator: THE CROWD BEGAN TO GROW UNRULY.

- WE HAVE A RIOT IN THE BALLROOM. narrator: AND, JUST AS THE PRISONERS HAD PROVEN

THEY COULD THROW A GALA AS WELL AS THE RICH,

SO THE RICH PROVED

THEY COULD THROW A RIOT JUST AS WELL AS THE PRISONERS.

AND LUCILLE WAS BROUGHT TO THE CONJUGAL TRAILER.

- MOM.

- MICHAEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I CANNOT LET YOU GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH HIM. - OH, YES I CAN.

I'M MAKING UP FOR THE HEARTBREAK YOUR FATHER HAS CAUSED ME.

HE DOESN'T NEED ME.

YOU DON'T NEED ME.

- OF COURSE I NEED YOU, MOM.

MY HEART IS KIND OF BROKEN TOO.

I'VE BEEN KIND OF DENYING IT LATELY, BUT,

UM, YOU KNOW, IT JUST--I CAN'T--

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE FACT

THAT MY FAMILY'S FALLING APART, NOW THAT I REALLY NEED YOU.

- OH, MICHAEL, HONEY. I WANNA CRY SO BAD,

BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN SPARE THE MOISTURE.

- WELL, LISTEN. HERE'S--

THE PROBLEM IS THAT, UH, GENTLES DOESN'T REALLY CARE FOR YOU.

HE'S JUST USING YOU TO GET BACK AT DAD FOR ESCAPING,

AT LEAST ACCORDING TO HIS SCREENPLAY.

- YOU READ IT? - YEAH.

- DID YOU LIKE THE CHLAMYDIA THING? I GAVE HIM THAT.

- YOU GAVE HIM CHLAMYDIA?

- HE HAD "CRABS," AND I SAID, "YOU'RE GONNA GET LAUGHS."

- THEN WHAT AM I DOING?

I MEAN, IF DAD DOESN'T CARE, THERE'S--THERE'S NO REAL THREAT

AND, I GUESS, JUST KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, HUH?

- WHERE'S GENTLES? I'LL KILL HIM!

- GEORGE? - DAD?

- I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.

I CAN'T LET WHAT WE HAVE--

AS LOUSY AS IT MAY BE AT TIMES--BE DESTROYED.

- THIS IS WHERE YOU ESCAPED TO? TO PRISON? FOR ME?

- NO ONE IS BREAKING THIS FAMILY APART.

NO ONE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT.

- SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT. GEORGE?

IF YOU'RE HERE, WHO DO WE HAVE IN THE DELOUSING TANK?

- I'M GUESSING OSCAR. - NO.

I CANNOT TAKE ANOTHER $2,300 HIT.

- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU LET OSCAR OUT, AND YOU GIVE US AN HOUR IN HERE,

AND, UH, WE'LL CALL IT EVEN.

- PLEASE, WARD?

- I CAN'T SAY NO TO THE WOMAN WHO GAVE ME "CHLAMYDIA."

ONE HOUR.

- ARE YOU READY TO HAVE SOME FUN?

- I AM SO GLAD I DIDN'T CRY.

- THAT I DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR. narrator: ON THE NEXT "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT."

GEORGE MICHAEL GETS CLOSER TO HIS FAMILY.

[alarm buzzes]

- LOCKDOWN!

- THAT WAS CLOSE, HUH, MAEBY?

- OH, SHE'S IN THE NEXT CELL.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA BE BUNK BUDDIES ALL NIGHT, COZ.

[coughing]

- narrator: GEORGE MICHAEL EXPERIENCES

HIS UNHAPPIEST MOMENT EVER.

BUSTER TRIES TO FORGET HIS RECENT LOSSES--

- [singing] JUST-- narrator: BY BREAKING OUT THE OLD GUITAR,

AND GOB FINALLY FACES A PHOBIA HE'D FACED BEFORE.

- NO! NOT HERE!

WAIT, I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE.

OH, GOD, I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE!

AH!

[taser buzzing]