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Double Crossers

NARRATOR: George Sr. had come to a political fund-raiser

to get support for a wall project...

LUCILLE: To separate the U.S. and Mexico.

NARRATOR: ...that some considered insensitive...

-Which was my idea! -Was your idea.

-NARRATOR: ...even though he himself... -Oh. Tender.

was feeling more sensitive by the day.

Curious feeling.

But he tried to muster the old self-confidence

for his face time with Herbert Love.

GEORGE SR.: And I-I just think there will be a lot of support flowing in this relationship, and your base...

You got a point behind all those teeth of yours?

(laughs) If you support the wall,

I'll give you a piece of the action.

-Action? Action Jackson? -Yeah.

-Yes, sir. -What do I look like, Carl Weathers to you?

-Oh, no, no. -NARRATOR: Not at all.

-No. -This, of course, is Herbert Love.

My name is Herbert Love, and I want you

to say "high-low" to my low-high plan.

A candidate whose campaign slogan

was embraced by everyone from the very wealthy...

And who doesn't want a high income?

...to their bankers and tax attorneys.

High-low, high-low, it's off to work I go-- for you.

My name is Herbert Love,

and I most definitely approve this message.

Do I look like someone who eats at CW Swappigans?

See, I stand for three things: one, getting Barack Hussein Obama

Wama Comma Mama on a Llama out of office...

It's a crazy-town name.

Two, low taxes for high income earners.

That's my low-high plan.

-I know it. -And three, getting a little something in my slushie fund so that I'm nice and loose and can help make numbers one and two happen.

I don't want to be the one to say it, but I happen to be fond of redheads and greenbacks.

-NARRATOR: George Sr. had neither. -Oh, I-I...

-How would you like both? -Get it for me tonight, and I'll make your wall thing the third point of my three-point plan.

All I got right now is: "You want to reach

"your hand into my pocket to pay for your birth control?

I get to put my hand in your pocket to put it in."

But when unveiled it in Garden Grove,

I had to duck a woman's pump and a mini pizza.

Oops.

NARRATOR: Coming up with money, however,

would be difficult for George Sr.,

who hadn't been acting like his old self--

something his twin brother Oscar had done

-You know, the wall. -much more successfully

earlier that day, when, in retribution...

Have you baked your brain in that pizza oven?

...to a brother who lied to him...

So he only did buy that land for personal gain.

Well... Oscar.

-(chuckles) Oscar. -...Oscar chose to lie

-with George's wife. -Call me Father B.

And, although too explicit for an American audience,

the lovemaking was intense and beautiful

but for one small misunderstanding

that occurred during the afterglow.

No. I-I mean... it's good to be out of that sweaty old hot box at the compound.

No, this was am... this was amazing.

NARRATOR: And Oscar finally got more information

-Speaking of that... - about his brother's plans.

...we may need to have a president ready to go if something should happen to Lucille 2 while we're building the wall.

So we are building a wall.

Right where Oscar thought he would be spending the rest of his life.

(Lucille laughs)

Turn him around three times and put him in Fullerton,

-he won't know the difference. -Fullerton.

You know, I think we should send our son down there.

Give him some training, show that he has a job, let him sweat a little.

Buster? No, no.

I won't... I won't hear of it.

It could kill him.

I meant Gob.

Oh. Oh, fine.

Yeah, send him down. I love that.

NARRATOR: Now the story of a family

whose future was abruptly canceled

and the one father who had no choice

but to keep himself together.

It's George Sr.'s...

Unaware that he was being cuckolded by his brother,

George Sr. was struggling

to find money to bribe Herbert Love.

Didn't someone die in one of these things?

Oh, no, not in one of ours.

Although his pitch had lost some of its luster.

And, you know, I mean, it's better than dying in the snow.

I mean, not... not-not that you'll die, but if you had to choose, uh, I mean...

-Brr, you know? -Hmm.

Well, I'll think about it.

Would you like a mini-quiche?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I thought you were a successful Republican strategist.

-I'm so sorry. -Why, 'cause I'm black?

Oh, no...

NARRATOR: It was over.

But at least he could go home...

Cindy's going to love these.

Excuse me, Red, you're not the only one

-who likes coconut shrimp. -...with some coconut shrimp.

(laughs) Well, I should have known you'd be here, supporting this right-wing, dangerous crackpot.

Lindsay, I forgot-- you dyed your hair.

What are you doing here?

I'm supporting Love, as well.

We're both doing that.

Oh, honey, I-I've wanted to contact you every single day since last May.

I haven't seen you since January.

Yeah, the first four months, I was in denial. How are you?

Are... are you good?

Do you have any money?

Not really.

-Oh. -Oh, except for a $50,000 check your wife sent to my daughter for plastic surgery.

What kind of a woman does that?

I thought there was no money left.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, that's awful.

I mean, she's just precious the way she is.

Does Maisie even know about this?

No, thank God.

And her name is Maeby.

You don't think Maisie's cuter?

You know what I want to do? I want to take this, and I want to deposit it in a trust fund that she can't open until she's 21.

-I guess I can't use it anyway. -Are you kidding me?

You are the most beautiful little girl I know.

And if you have any more work, your cartilage is going to collapse.

Let me see if I can...

-There you go. -NARRATOR: And that's when

George Sr. finally tipped a black man.

-Got the check. -HERBERT: ...okay?

Ooh! Hey, you got the check.

Third party.

Oh, man.

-I am going to put this on my wall. -Oh...

NARRATOR: George Sr. left the hotel hoping he'd

-accomplished something. -(thunder rumbling)

And on the news the next day...

HERBERT: We have got...

to build a wall between us and Mexico.

NARRATOR: ...he found out he had.

-(laughs) Yes! -And aside from hating

the wrinkles he saw in the rearview mirror

around his eyes and brow, George Sr. was happy.

♪ All you need is smiles ♪

♪ Lots and lots of smiley smiles ♪

♪ All you need is... ♪

What the (bleep) is he smiling about?

Hello!

Oh, we're just doing a survey for the U.S. government, ma'am.

(laughing): Oh, no, I-I'm a man.

I was just wearing, uh, this blouse because I was, uh, driving and I hate my arms.

What's the tape for?

Laying out border coordinates for when they put up the wall.

Shh! You're not supposed to tell them what it's for.

Well, he already mentioned the tape, and he looks American.

-Yeah, but he's in Mexico. -Wait.

Guys, no, no, Mexico starts

-back there, by the gully. -Whoever told you that's probably chomping on the maca, if you know what I mean.

So, what you're saying to me is that on this side of the tape, I'm in Mexico, but when I come over here...

Whoa. We're going to need to see a passport, sir.

Pasaporte.

NARRATOR: George Sr. liked to make men

who disappoint him suffer.

But things change.

You really hurt my feelings, guys.

-No hugging... ma'am. -I'm sorry.

(George Sr. sobbing)

NARRATOR: George Sr. had just discovered

that the millions of dollars of American property

he owned was worthless.

How did you not notice?

You saw all the papers.

NARRATOR: And in Mexico.

You can't expect me to read every page of that deal.

Besides, that one was particularly difficult because it was all in Spanish.

It says very clearly, on my business card,

"Se habla español."

"I do not speak Spanish."

And it was your brother Oscar who told me it was on the border.

How did he not know?

NARRATOR: Unfortunately, Oscar missed the signs.

You think it's okay to burn these?

OSCAR: Well, this is America.

If they don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write them in Spanish.

-Everybody! -♪ Sign, sign, everywhere a sign... ♪

NARRATOR: Only Heartfire knew the truth.

But the singing was so loud, no one could hear her thoughts.

I bribed Love to push for the building of the wall, and I don't have the land to build it on!

BARRY: Shh, shh, shh. Call Herbert Love, all right?

Tell him you would greatly appreciate it if he'd rescind his support for the wall.

And make him a flip-flopper? I can't do that.

NARRATOR: Actually, he'd tried,

but couldn't afford it.

It's a 40 for the flip and a 40 for the flop, and since it's going to cause a flap, I'd say another 40.

So it's a flat 40-40-40 flip-flop and a flap fee.

Well, then find someone who has influence with him.

Hold on. A client is, uh, coming, and I don't know where Oscar is.

He's disappeared.

And there is something up with him because he is scary now.

He has changed.

Hey, you've changed, you big (bleep).

You're acting like a little girl lately.

And not in the good way.

Pull yourself together. Act like a man.

GEORGE SR.: You're right, you're right.

-Okay, love you. -Love you, too. Bye.

Cash, no receipt.

-Hot day, Father. -Hot day, Father B.

-Hot day. -Hot day, Father.

Hello, Father.

Don't call me that!

What are you doing here?

-You and Mom talked about it. -We did...?

Oscar.

NARRATOR: In fact, it was Oscar who spoke to Lucille

about hiring Gob, but not before an ominous warning.

But, you know, he has magical abilities.

He can handle a lot more than we give him credit for.

I know... What?!

I would have been here sooner, but I had to go down to San Diego and loop my way back up because they put up that border ribbon.

-Which is totally new, -Shh! and I wasn't expecting it; it's fine.

Anyway, Father, you've got to get me a job so I can be prepared... to be president.

All right, you got to keep this "father" stuff to yourself.

I can't have these people think that I raised a limo driver.

I'm not a limo driver.

I'm a gentleman honey farmer.

The only thing I've got back there are my bees.

-Beans? -No, bees!

-Bees? -Bees!

Bees! Oh, bees!

The boxes fell over on the way here when I had to swerve to avoid an ostrich.

You got to do something about this-- these people paid a lot of money. Do something!

No, they won't listen to me.

-They've all got CCD. -CCD?

Colony collapse disorder.

The guy sold me just really sick bees.

Don't worry. Dad, they're going to hive.

They always hive.

NARRATOR: Usually by seeking out

a structure that most resembles a hive.

Bees! Wonderful bees!

GEORGE SR.: It's okay. It's okay. Gob, get in there

-and get them out! -GOB: Okay, I'm on it.

NARRATOR: But then George Sr. got some more bad news.

OSCAR: Hello, brother. Thought I'd find you in a blouse and a beekeeper hat.

What are you doing here? No, no, no, no, no.

We cannot be seen next to each other.

I'm Dr. Norman!

Well, if you don't want to be seen, then you go in the sweat lodge. You owe me.

Is that a fact? Listen, you told me the property was on the border.

It is 50 feet south of the border, Oscar.

Well, excuse me, but they hadn't put up the tape yet.

So I was going off Buster's map.

Oh, God, it was Buster's map.

NARRATOR: Buster had indeed made the map,

as a cartography student,

because the class where you get to see naked people,

and draw them, was full.

And you lied to me.

You told me you bought this property to live on.

No, you bought this property to put up a wall.

I told one lie, but I-I was going to share the money with you.

-Two lies. -And why do I think that you charge more than five dollars for lemonade?

Three small lies.

Now, will you do me a favor, just get in the tent.

Gob's getting rid of the bees, and we'll push the matinee till 3:00.

No, I'm sick and tired of being in that hut pretending to be you.

Maybe I should go out there and pretend to be you.

So, good-bye, George.

This is the last you'll see of me.

Just gonna use the can for one second.

CHINA GARDEN: There's two Dr. Normans!

NARRATOR: George Sr. headed up north to see his wife

before his brother could, but he soon found out

he was too late by a day.

LUCILLE (over speakerphone): Oh, I know what you're coming up

-to do to me. -Right.

What?

LUCILLE: Yesterday, you were amazing.

Georgie, I can't stop thinking about it.

You haven't been like that in years.

GEORGE SR.: Oh, right.

-You mean, slow-witted? -I hope you're ready for more of the same today.

(growls playfully)

Uh... (sighs) Oh, God.

George Sr. had a few problems:

his brother was sleeping with his wife,

the property he was going to sell to the government...

(Lucille whispering)

to build the U.S. wall on was in Mexico...

GEORGE SR.: All right... all right...

...and his sweat lodge colony had just collapsed.

Okay.

So he had to deal with first things first.

GEORGE SR.: If my identical twin brother can get it up, then shouldn't I?

Have you had any sexual feeling at all lately?

No!

You know, the Hopi Indians believe that this spot here,

-Okay. -when manipulated,

-can create sexual feeling. -That's my penis.

Well, you don't have to tell me. Nothing?

No, just a little curiosity as to why you're checking your second hand.

Oh, this isn't my office.

You know, I-I don't get it.

I've been popping the pills, and, I mean, I mean, nothing.

-Are you under any pressure? -Oh, no.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

I mean, there's some violating federal law stuff that'd put me in prison for the rest of my life, but I've made love with treason charges over me before.

But no, it's something else.

It's not just the sex.

I feel...

(sobbing): I feel wrong.

Somehow.

(sobbing)

And I'm becoming weak.

(inhales)

Sorry, had the old thinking cap on.

Let's go to the lists.

NARRATOR: And Dr. Norman proceeded to run through

a checklist of alternative medicine questions.

Okay, did you drink some water that might have a homeopathic memory of some molecule?

Do you keep track of the molecules you ingest?

Well, with homeopathy, it's the molecules you don't ingest.

But I'm the one who can get hard, so let's focus on you.

He then went on to explore some supernatural

or high-concept premise possibilities.

Any earthquakes in a Chinese restaurant

-while you were trying to prove something to your mother? -No.

Any wishes you may have phrased badly, or while a child was blowing out a candle?

No.

Have you come across any ancient games, let's say, glowing games, uh, either board based or carnival based, that you may have played against the wishes of your best friend?

-No. -Curses, hexes, spells, shaman, medicine men?

Wait.

The strong will become the weak.

The weak will become the strong.

I did hallucinate one ancient foreboding warrior harbinger while I chewed maca root about a year ago.

Could that be something?

-No, it's not the maca. -(filtered breathing)

Your body wants the maca.

It's not the maca.

But finally, out of desperation,

he turned to Western medicine.

Okay, tell you what, let's get some film on you.

I'd like you to get on an MRI machine and try to ride it to climax.

I'm gonna send you over to Orange County Imaging-- they do a ton of that.

Okay, do I get magazines?

Yeah, I'll write you a script for that.

They got a place right around the corner that plays ball.

-Thank you. -(men shouting in Spanish)

Oh, (bleep). Run.

What? Oh.

And soon, after getting his prescription filled...

Uh... hola...

I have a, um-- magazines?

(men conversing quietly)

...he was on his way

to debase himself in an MRI machine

when he ran into a son with whom he'd lost touch.

Dad, what are you doing here?

I wanted to speak to you... in person.

Then you're here to apologize; that right?

-Sure. -Although, he covered pretty well.

And-and of course to see you at Orange County Im-a-gine.

I went to you for a simple signature, and you told me to go to hell.

Actually, it was the newly potent Oscar,

who, like one of Gob's sick bees,

was pollinating one barren flower after another,

who told Michael to go to hell.

-Go to hell. -Huh?

Which is how George Sr.

not only was left with Senor Senoritas,

and that's when he got a lead on his wall problem.

Do you know a guy named Herbert Love?

I know a lot of people, sure.

And soon, he surprised Michael

by giving him his rights for the movie project.

I didn't know it was about lying to a girl.

-Give me the release. -You'd do this for me?

-Of course I will. -And then, didn't surprise him.

If you'll do something for me.

I knew it.

Michael, you got to get this Love guy against the wall between the U.S. and Mexico.

That's not right.

You're really opposed to this wall, huh?

When did you become pro-immigrant?

I have changed, Michael.

I cry (clears throat)

at the drop of a hat, and I hate the way I look.

I actually had one cute hat, and it...

it blew off at the CVS parking lot.

(sobbing): And this whole car full of black kids ran over it, for no reason.

And they saw it!

They saw it!

Michael...

(pats bench)

Anyway, I live down there now.

And I care for these people who just want to come into this country and ply their wares and let us freely fill the bay with their culture.

Hey, don't get me started on the Cinco, Dad.

I haven't been to one in 20 years.

There's gonna be blowback there; it's just gonna happen.

You can't swim in that bay for a month after without getting nacho cheese sauce in your hair.

It's coming.

Can you help me, then, with Love?

At his speech, at Cinco?

Can you do that for your dad?

What he didn't tell Michael was that the family would go broke

if they had to build the wall.

Of course I will.

Maybe, if he had, Michael wouldn't have

overplayed his hand as a big-shot producer

who knew lots of people.

But a deal was soon struck...

-Thanks, Pop. -All right.

...and Michael, signed contract in hand,

went to show off at the Ealing Club,

while George Sr., magazine in hand,

went to (bleep) off in an MRI machine.

NARRATOR: George Sr. finally went to visit a wife

who was under the impression that he was back for more.

The wrong land?

It's under control; I'm trying to get Love to come out against the wall.

We can't afford to build it if we're not selling the land back to the government.

It'll ruin us.

It'll ruin us if we don't build it.

George, you've gone puny again.

Where's the man who took ahold of me yesterday and bent me over this couch?

Okay, okay, let's not sully its memory.

Look, we make sure Herbert Love comes out against the wall, right after we get enough of it up to trigger the government payment.

And speaking of getting enough of it up, what's going on down here?

You need a little more Marilyn like I did yesterday?

♪ Happy birthday, Mr. President... ♪

I-I don't want to be Mr. President.

Huh. Especially with all this going down.

Oh, and speaking of president, what's happening with Gob?

You gave him a job?

Yes, but then I-I fired him.

He caused my colony to collapse.

Oh, my God, George, get him another job.

You must have some favors you can call in somewhere.

And then you can have some of my favors, Mr. President.

As much as I'd like to stay and lay some more pipe with you,

I better get moving on this thing.

And so, the next day,

George Sr. once again called upon his son.

Michael B. Project.

GEORGE SR.: Yeah, you got to give Gob a job.

Something in the, uh, building company or, uh, hey, I think he'd get a big kick

out of the movie business.

N-N-No, Dad, hey.

He knows nothing about producing.

GEORGE SR.: Look, I don't care if it's producing a movie

that's never gonna be made or selling houses that no one's gonna buy,

I just want my son to have a job where his incompetence won't be out of place.

Anyway, he's on his way to Sudden Valley now.

No, he isn't. No, no, come on, Dad...

-No, no, now? -GEORGE SR.: What, what?

He's gonna make it less valuable?

Which I told you was gonna happen, by the way.

MICHAEL: Oh, here it is. Here it is.

Yeah, there it is! Knew it was coming.

NARRATOR: And even though George had imposed on Michael,

it was Gob...

GOB: What the hell?

...who felt he had a cross to bear.

MICHAEL: What the hell?

(tires screeching, horns honking)

MICHAEL: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I got the right of--

-Hey, hey, hey... -N-No, don't. It's mine.

-Okay, coming through here. -Mine... Hah!

No... no, no! My right of... way!

-There! Mine! -Okay. (weak laugh)

Hey...

Gob!

(chuckles): Michael!

And the two brothers reunited...

Hey, Gob.

Michael.

...happy to see each other.

Gob?

At first.

Michael.

So, hear you need help moving these memorials to the death of the housing market.

(mailbox plays tune, then stops)

Actually that was a memorial

-to the death of Pete the mailman. -I knew that.

I brought one, too-- size of the man's heart.

I just got to figure out how to get it out of the car.

If I could remember how I got it in.

That's not from your Christian magic act?

Christian magic act?

If I were Muslim, would you say "Muslim magic act"?

No, but it is hard to imagine any Muslim handcuffing himself to a glittery cross and living to tell about it.

Yeah, well, the Christians aren't so (bleep)-hot about it either.

Hmm, well...

NARRATOR: Michael could see that his brother was unhappy

and that his life had not worked out

the way he had hoped.

Things are incredible for me, I'm having an incredible year.

I am a movie producer now, producing a movie, so they've got me in this enormous office.

I told 'em I don't want to be driving to Beverly Hills every single day, so they put me in an enormous office just over here.

Rental.

My personal life is off the charts. I've met someone.

Can't really give you any information-- kind of famousy.

-Well, good for you. I also met someone. -Have you?

Also famousy. Can't give you any information.

In fact, Michael didn't even find out who she was

until one night, earlier.

Oh, my God. I'm dating Ron Howard's girlfriend.

Although he did have some of the details wrong.

She's an actress. You know her.

She was Ron's illegitimate daughter,

a fact unbeknownst to many.

Well, we kind of like to keep that quiet.

A woman who, like Bryce Dallas and Paige Carlyle,

was named after where she was conceived.

And she actually had worked for some A-list directors.

She did a Terrence Malick...

REBEL: Are we the same?

She got the lead in a Woody Allen film...

But I felt like I was in The Iceman Cometh, but, you know, in my case, he faketh.

...and was once even directed by her own father.

Action!

Next time, don't pocket it, pay for it.

Shoplifting: not cool.

-...in a public service announcement. -And cut!

Which, like all of Ron's work...

You know, I think we got it.

...was inspired by a photograph.

Rebel was indeed a rebel.

But Michael didn't possess that information.

I can give you some information about your airless office you're gonna be spending most mornings in.

You know, what I could go for is some guac.

Well, you don't live there anymore, Gob.

This heat just makes, makes me want guac.

Now, now, I know I've got these things, uh, very, you know, meticulously maintained.

-(squawk) -There's...

There are some vultures.

I think they might still smell Pete.

Yeah, if it wasn't for the movie thing, I would do it myself.

They practically sell themselves; you just got

-to bring the people in. -I'm ready to move in today.

No, well, people other than you,

-bring those people in. -I'm starving.

Starving? No, you're not gonna find anything here.

They've been abandoned for...

Lindsay.

No, no, this-- maybe Tobias.

NARRATOR: It was John Beard.

Shall we?

Well, the value of these homes isn't gonna go down if we don't sell one today.

Let me see if I can find a, uh...

Do you have a bottle opener?

Great idea.

And after a few more drinks and a little more depreciation...

-That was surprising. -...Michael admitted he had

a rival for his girlfriend.

You don't have to worry about Ron Howard.

I mean, he's not competition for you.

-Really? -Yeah, I mean, the guy's like 100 years old. What's he gonna do, poke you in the eyes?

Oh, you're confused.

Ron Howard directed Apollo 13.

You're thinking of Moe Howard, the angry stooge who's been dead for a quarter century.

Well, that's good 'cause the whole time I'm thinking, like,

"unless she likes a guy who's funny."

-Sure. -Because that guy is funny.

-'Cause the whole time you're like... -You know...

-"Is he gonna poke me in the eyes?" -Gob,

I don't think that th-the movie-- it might not even happen because I don't think that I can ask my son.

What happened between him and me was very disappointing.

You don't need to tell me about disappointment and sons.

Let's not forget Steve Holt.

That's the story of our relationship.

Right, well, I was talking about a son disappointing a father.

Yeah, that does make it different.

Look, Michael, he doesn't respect you, so you have to make him respect you.

Show him that you're a big shot, that you don't need to live in your son's dorm.

(sighs) No, I just live in my parents' penthouse now.

Well, then, take him to the Ealing Club; it's all showbiz.

I used to hang out there all the time.

It's just actresses and stuff like that.

I don't know if I could pick up the phone and call him and ask him.

-You know what, Michael? -Hmm?

I'll call him for you.

Really, you'd do that for me?

It's the least I could do.

You've given me a new sense of purpose.

Did you actually have an old one?

'Cause it always seemed like you were just looking for the easy way out.

Yeah, that was it.

Hi, I'm George Bluth of the Bluth Company, and, uh...

NARRATOR: George Sr., meanwhile, was also finding

an easy way out of the wall problem.

...we've built this wall.

We have miles and, and miles of wall.

Will you confirm that, soldier?

(soldier grunts, gags)

It's ab-about protecting our border, which is why, uh, we have a member of our armed forces with us today.

-(coughing) -Say hello.

(Buster grunts)

It's, uh, triple-reinforced, steel-reinforced, and I don't really know how to, how to say that, uh, what it does is, it protects, um...

It's Mexican-proof.

(laughing): So-- can't say-- it...

Well, gosh darn it, it is Mexican-proof.

(gags, snorts)

Sit up.

-Uh... -Daddy, my tummy's turning.

All right.

-Uh, it's, uh triple-reinforced. -I got...

Daddy, I got to get out,

-I got to get out. -Uh, we're gonna be...

Oh, for God's sakes, get out.

I need to get out, I need to get out.

-Oh, for... -I need to get out, I need to get out.

We're not gonna... we'll edit this part out and, uh...

Anyhow...

NARRATOR: But George Sr. hadn't built miles of wall.

He just found a roundabout way to make it seem that way,

and one week later at Cinco, George arrived,

hoping to hear Herbert Love...

No, thanks. I've already crushed one with my car.

...sway public opinion against the wall

so the Bluth Company wouldn't be on the hook

-to build it for real. -Pop, hey, hi.

-Michael, what happened? -Yeah.

Oh, the-- it's a terrible week, but I'm gonna fix things once and for all right now.

-Is this about Love? -No, it's about money, but I-I'm-- I will pay her back, uh, one way or the other.

Who?

Lucille 2-- I'm gonna get her

-against the wall. -No, no, no, no, no, she cannot know about this wall.

Fine, I'll get her up against the top of the staircar.

I don't care, it's gonna happen, though.

I am talking about Herbert Love.

-Is he going to oppose the building of the wall? -Oh, yes.

I took care of that.

He is going to announce that in his speech tonight.

That is great news.

Listen, I-I-I have to go.

I have to see if I can pass this testosterone test.

I do, too. (chuckles)

And, listen, not a word to...

How dare you?

Lucille 2.

Did you think I wouldn't find out?

I was going to cut you in.

I was trying to protect you so they wouldn't link you to it, but it turns out that we can't afford to build it anyway.

-Build what? -The wall in Mexico, the, the high wall.

-What were, what were you talking about? -I was talking about you giving money to Herbert Love in his campaign

-against me. -Oh, no, no, that was to get Love to support the wall.

Oh, I tell you, I've been all over the place on this one.

I can't be running a company that's building a wall

I campaigned against!

Listen to me, it's taken care of.

I just ran into Michael.

He's got Love against the wall.

It's done, it's gonna be in the speech tonight, it's over.

It better be, or I'll talk about it in my speech tonight.

Now, I've got a staircar to wave from.

And I can't be seen with you.

'Cause I'm fat.

It's because I am fat.

You think I'm a fat person.

You are such a drama queen.

NARRATOR: George Sr. was worried.

These fat arms.

I don't understand this.

And so, it was in a state of agitation

that George Sr. arrived for his doctor's appointment.

Excuse me, Dr. Norman?

-You're mistaken. -Dr. Norman, it's me, George Bluth.

Oh, George, yes, thank you for meeting me here.

I like to do a little housecleaning on the fourth.

(indistinct radio transmission)

Old quinceañera candles.

I was wondering if you could tell me my test results.

Oh, yes, yes, uh, well, your testosterone numbers are off the charts.

(sighs)

Below the charts, under the charts.

I don't know how to say that.

You have almost no testosterone at all.

I don't know the exact numbers, but it's somewhere in the baby range.

On the plus side, your estrogen levels are that of a very healthy woman in the throes of her menses.

May I see my results?

Ah, I wish you'd asked me about five minutes ago.

I think I dumped it with a pot pipe and a bottle of cheetah sedative.

Also, the people at Orange County Imaging said that you were masturbating in an MRI tube?

-Oh, no. -But, Doctor, you, you told me to.

I did no such thing.

Oh, no.

No, no, you can't do that.

That sounds like something I would say when I had my thinking cap on.

(laughs)

You, sir, are a very funny lady.

That's what they always say to the unattractive one.

NARRATOR: It was finally time for Herbert Love

to make his speech, when the party was suddenly ransacked.

Of course, it was Cinco,

so it took a while for anyone to notice.

It appeared the Hispanic community had had

enough of Cinco de Cuatro.

-Oh, God, the blowback. -CROWD: Put up this wall!

But the blowback created a greater blowback

as the crowd that had gathered to hear Herbert Love speak

was whipped into a frenzy.

Put up this wall! Put up this wall!

And that's when George knew he was in real trouble.

Put up this wall!

Fortunately, he was able to find a disguise.

(crowd cheering)

Oh, God.

-Unfortunately... -This feels right.

NARRATOR: Lindsay surprises Michael

after a long absence from his life.

Lindsay.

It's been a long time.

I know.

Oh, this is a little embarrassing.

But I have been meaning to get down there,

-so let's just... -You're right,

I mean, it's not like we're even technically related.

-That's true. -Okay, well, then, I'll start with a smear.

NARRATOR: And George Sr. gets more comfortable in hiding.

GEORGE SR.: Yes?

Uh, Detective Smee, Orange County Police.

I need to speak with you.

Lucille Austero went missing last night.

-You mind if we ask you a few questions? -Oh...!

I-I don't allow men in my apartment without my husband present.