Home > Arrested Development

Señoritis

NARRATOR: High school seniors often find themselves

in their first relationship.

How was that?

Perfecto.

NARRATOR: This is Maeby Funke,

and during her senior year, she was dating this boy.

His name was Perfecto Telles,

and she was rewarding him for doing her English homework,

even though English was his second language.

And if you do my Spanish, I'll teach you how to French.

Everyone could see that they had chemistry together,

but it wasn't until Donny Richter's algebra class

that the real bonding began.

Okay, I don't want to embarrass anyone, so, everyone, close your eyes, close 'em.

Now, if you passed the test, go ahead and get up and exit the classroom.

MAN: Does that include the crew?

DONNY: No, the "Babies Having Babies" crew...

-38. -Oh, 43, but that's because I'm good with numb...

Oh, no, actually it's 34.

Well, if it's dumb to stay behind with you, call me a dummy.

DONNY: We don't say "dummy," and unfortunately you two alge-tards are going to need some special tutoring.

Which is how they found themselves

headed to the local college,

along with the other math-challenged students.

♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪

(all singing different numbers)

♪ ...bottles of beer on the wall... ♪

Hey, when we get there, don't forget you're Perfecto's woman.

I don't want to hear about some smooth college guy who stole you away from me.

Are you kidding me?

What kind of loser spends his free time tutoring high school kids?

-NARRATOR: This kind. -Hey, you must be...

What?

George Michael?

Huh, what is this?

Maeby, what are you doing here?

(both chuckle)

As I live and breathe, I...

I thought you were the girl. I'm supposed to tutor a kid from...

High school, yeah, that's me.

Crazy, that is just crazy.

(chuckles)

But, wait, why are you in high school?

Didn't we graduate together five years ago?

It was a decent question.

After all, it had been several years

since the two high school seniors got somewhat intimate.

You might not even be related to us.

But later, while fleeing the boat party,

George Michael got some advice on the matter from his father.

She might not be a blood relative, but she is still family.

So, after returning, worn from the harsh winds of the sea,

George Michael found the girl

he now had to back away from on her back.

-Maeby, are you okay? What are you doing? -Shh-shh.

I'm trying to get my parents to notice me.

-I've been here for, like, an hour and a half. -It's not me.

-It had been seven minutes. -Do you think it would help if I went over and said, like, "Hey, Maeby's dead"?

No, that would just mean that they notice you.

Well, obviously they've just got a lot on their plate right now.

I mean, they're clearly busy.

| No, it's just a phallus... eee! |

-Where's that from? -It's from nothing.

-Why don't you cough or something? -Oh, right, like I'm dying.

(both coughing)

There's nothing keeping us together.

TOBIAS: I believe we're thinking the same thing.

-Oh, God. -(sighs)

But, you know, I'm actually--

I'm glad to have a moment alone with you, because it gives us a chance to talk about us.

You know, I really care about you.

Oh, boy, here we go.

You want to get more serious.

And Maeby didn't, because--

and I never told you this, but--

George Michael wasn't a very good kisser.

It seems he both used his tongue

to fend off the intruding tongue,

but also laterally moved his lower jaw

while constricting his lower lip.

The upper lip, meanwhile, tended to retract,

revealing an exposed area from the front teeth to the canines,

ultimately creating more pain than pleasure.

Really just rookie mistakes,

but all of it conspired to make Maeby concerned

about him wanting to get more serious.

-No, less serious. -What?

Well, my dad doesn't think that it's such a good idea for you and me to be together.

And that doesn't make me hotter to you?

No, I could see that argument, I-I...

No, I think we should just be cousins.

So first my parents don't notice that I drowned, and now my cousin doesn't care that I'm at the height of my sexuality.

No, sure I care, and, you know, I'm right there with you.

We're a couple of, uh, forces of nature, but...

-What? -Forces of nature.

But I just really need to focus on graduating right now, and maybe you should, too, you know.

Maybe that's the best way to get your parents' attention.

That's a great idea.

I've got two whole months to flunk.

That's got to disappoint them.

NARRATOR: Now the story of a family

whose future was abruptly canceled,

and the one daughter who had no choice

but to keep her life together.

It's Maeby's "Arrested Development."

Maeby was trying to get her parents

to notice she was flunking...

So, for some reason they didn't send me a cap and gown, and I was gonna make one out of sheets, but I couldn't find...

...only to discover that Maeby's graduation wasn't

top-of-mind for her parents.

They left town.

So she put her plan to put her graduation on hold on hold...

-No, we do not need any extras. -...and headed off to India,

where she'd be working at what was once

just her after-school job.

Right. Okay, do we have to pay them in money or in rice?

If they're in the union, you have to pay with rice.

The movie she was supervising was the latest

in her "terrifying grandmother"

"Gangie" franchise, this one taking place in India.

All right, I say we get 10,000 extras,

-and then that way we have it. -We have it.

-Yeah, we have it. -It's good to have it.

TOBIAS: I am going to start wearing this back home.

You'd think someone would tell her to shave her arms, the poor thing.

And soon, she and her team arrived

and headed off to the hotel...

-Wait, how is it pronounced? -"Gan-jeez."

MAEBY: Gangie on the Ganges?

That doesn't even make sense.

...where she found out why her mother wasn't at

the graduation that Maeby also wasn't not at.

LINDSAY: You don't get it.

I'm not used to third world hotels.

No, you don't get it-- you are so full of (bleep).

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Do we have a hair and makeup crew with us?

Pretty makeup or scary makeup?

Scary.

Well, I think we have the crew that did

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Perfect.

And that's how Lindsay ended up receiving

-this spiritual advice. -I'm so full of passion.

You are so full of (bleep).

Yeah, yeah.

Pull your head out of the sand.

Love is where you left it.

The only person back home is Tobias.

You have no children?

No. Why do you ask?

Well, yes, a daughter.

She's away at boarding school in England.

-Is that where we left it? -Although you'd think this

-would have given her away. -Hug?

Please don't squeeze the shaman.

And while it did bring the family back together...

Stop with the prayer hands.

It just looks like you're out of ideas.

...it did make it harder for Maeby to make

this insult stick.

Don't you think it makes you seem a little, um, what is that saying, full of (bleep)?

Thank you, Maeby, that's actually a compliment in India.

-My own fault. -I'm here because a shaman told me that love is where I left it.

But soon, the Funkes took their new spirit of love

and togetherness into a place where they would seldom run

into each other, and Maeby enrolled...

-Okay, going back to school. -...in a new high school

-for her senior year... -Senior year!

No? No one cares?

This is usually a tough time for teens.

This is when drugs often become an issue.

...to see if her parents would notice

she should have already graduated.

Time for babies having babies!

Is "Babies Having Babies" on?

That's my favorite show. Ow.

Mother's Day Eve was the most joyous day of the year.

Maeby, you're going to be late for school.

And although they did share one Thanksgiving together...

It's not on.

...they didn't realize they were doing so...

Why would they preempt "Babies Having Babies" for a turkey cartoon?

...having celebrated it one week earlier

when they found that duck in the cupboard,

tried to cook it alive, got scared, and then

ended up eating it at a Chinese restaurant.

WOMAN: Okay, yeah, we cook duck for you.

Nonetheless, Maeby was doing well in school

and might have graduated had this not happened.

LINDSAY (over machine): Look, I'm sorry, Tobias, but we're trying to save something that just couldn't be saved.

Can you delete this so I can leave a message for Maeby?

TOBIAS (over machine): Lindsay, I have met someone.

It's not important who it is.

Erase this message, and I'll leave her a mess...

LINDSAY: Maeby, honey, Daddy has insisted on raising you alone.

But at least her father was choked up.

TOBIAS (voice breaking): Maeby, your daddy's not going to be around anymore.

(sighs)

(normal voice): Excuse me, I swallowed a bug there.

Uh, your daddy's not going to be around anymore.

WOMAN (over machine): This is the Widow Carr, and for some reason, it's my job to tell you that, since you never made payment, your house is being foreclosed.

Also, Tobias, you got a callback for something called "The Big Bang Theory."

Having lost her parents

and her house, Maeby stopped bothering with high school,

skipped her grandmother's trial, and headed to L.A.

She now had to make sure that she had an income.

-Guess what. I'll just tell you. -What?

-Yeah. -'Cause I feel like we'll be here forever, and I have a meeting. Um, you're fired.

-Why? -Well, because you don't have a high school diploma, and we have a very strict policy here that everyone has to have a high school diploma, on account of the fact that Ron never graduated.

-Is this really happening? -Actually, I was thinking

I wasn't even gonna have to fire you

'cause it's been on Deadline all day.

MAEBY: How did they find out?

KITTY: Does it even matter anymore?

MAEBY: Yeah, it does.

I told them.

NARRATOR: With no parents, no job,

and no place to live, Maeby had squat,

which is exactly what she decided to do...

What?

...at her grandparents' penthouse.

And that's when Maeby did

what we in the entertainment industry

-call "deadlining." -Come on.

-(ostrich clucking) -LINDSAY: What do you think?

On the plus side, each parent thought

-she was with the other. -And we're not moving in; we're occupying a space with central air.

So Maeby was as free as that bird.

(bleep)!

MARKY: Cindy, you okay?

All right, this will be where she goes.

So she retreated to the long abandoned model home,

where she discovered it's a lot harder to get out

of a Bluth home than into one.

Pieces of (bleep).

And maybe it was because

she had never fully disappointed her parents,

and they were getting older, or perhaps it was because

there was no Internet at the model home...

That is it-- this is like living in 1999.

...but that's when Maeby became a high school senior

for the third time, and then a fourth,

and then it just sort of became what she did.

And it ultimately led to this.

So I'm still going to stay in high school until they notice me.

You know, just, like, let them think,

"Oh, no, should we be worried?

-Is she really that immature?" -Yeah.

Well, I mean, isn't it, uh, kind of a little immature to try and make your parents worry like that?

Oh, that's good-- I'm gonna try and work that in there.

Yeah-- no, I think it's in there.

Yeah, well, let's get you in here before our-our third roommate shows up. That's Paul Haun.

Hi. So there's three people who live in here?

Yeah, well, one guy is just kind of crashing here.

-Well, it can't be worse than living with your dad. -It's not.

No, it's not worse than that.

And later,

-she was joined by her uncle. -Hello.

Didn't say it was your cousin.

Now, that's smart, let him think there's a girl in here.

Yeah, we were just complaining about roommates.

(groans, sputters) P-Hound.

-(George Michael chuckles) -I thought it was the other one.

No, it-it was P-Hound, yeah.

He's the worst. See, I think if George Michael and I didn't have each other as roommates, we'd be going crazy.

And for a moment, Maeby felt superior to her cousin--

-and her uncle for that matter. -Actually, have you told her about your software?

No, software?

He's got this privacy software.

Keeps people from stealing your stuff-- tell her, pal.

Maeby tried to hide her jealousy.

So it's privacy software that's also antipiracy?

Do you have a way of doing this?

Well, it's just a Boolean-driven aggregation, really, of what programmers call "hacker-traps..."

But as she listened to her cousin discuss computer technology she had no understanding of, she lost that feeling of superiority, and her self-esteem plummeted as she started to question the entirety of what she had done with her life for the last several years.

...and they want to steal your music and copy your movies or-or just look at your photos-- you know, this prevents that.

It just neutralizes that so it's not even a threat.

It's called Fakeblock.

-Great name. -Yeah, well, you know, it's super low-hanging fruit. Someone's gonna do it.

We're just trying to be those guys, you know.

I don't understand a word of it, but it works.

You should see his Facebook page.

Doesn't have a friend on it.

Of course, that last part

had nothing to do with Fakeblock...

Thank you, Dad.

...but it did help George Michael's self-esteem.

NARRATOR: Maeby was feeling discouraged

as she got back on the bus for high school.

Hey, you want to get high with us behind the gym?

Wait, we don't know her.

I hear there's an undercover cop at school.

Can you imagine what kind of loser pretends to be in high school when they're in their 20s?

Well, it's pretty gutsy, right?

I mean, it's better to take the risk, right?

-Yeah, maybe you're right. -Yeah, maybe you're right.

BOTH: Cop.

Hey, how was your tutor? He's not gonna take you away from me, is he?

Well, not until his software hits and he can buy me an apartment.

I'm living in a (bleep)hole.

I hear they're hiring at Chipotle.

And that's when Maeby realized

maybe she should have graduated high school.

Can I get a Macallan 12 neat?

-Water back. -I.D.?

Actually, can we make it-- uh, marry me-- a Wild Turkey?

I still need to see some I.D.

-Right. There you go. -Thank you.

I'm supposed to believe you're 17?

Oh, no, sorry.

That's my fake for sneaking back into high school.

Here we go-- 23.

Oh, you're Maeby. Well, you can have one, but you got quite a bar tab.

MAEBY: I got to graduate.

I mean, I got to start bringing some cash in, you know.

-Yeah. -Everyone's just passing me by.

George Michael, Kitty Sanchez.

CARTER: Drinks for the house.

-(laughter) -This guy?

These guys are making a fortune off that

"To Entrap a Local Predator " show they're on.

TAYLOR: Were.

Won't let us shoot in Laguna.

Are you guys looking for a new bait house?

And that's how she made enough money

to at least pay for her bar tab.

PERFECTO: Hey, guys.

-Hey, Perfecto! -Hey.

Isn't this guy a little too young to be in here?

No, no, no, he's with us.

But later, when returning from the restroom,

-she noticed this. -BARTENDER: So, you fitting in

-over there at the high school? -He's a cop.

BARTENDER: They accepting you?

And as she returned to the high school for eighth period,

even getting a diploma seemed to be in jeopardy.

Barry?

Maeby, you scared the be-(bleep) out of me.

What are you doing here?

Well, I could ask you the same thing.

I go to high school here.

I could answer the same thing.

I was just looking for something more believable.

Speaking of believable, I was going to ask you a question about that.

Um, can somebody get kicked out of high school if they're too old?

I think I was made at a bar.

I know this part of the law very, very well.

After 21, it is illegal for you to enroll in high school in the state of California.

As a matter of fact, you cannot even lurk.

(scoffs) "Lurk."

What, do they got cameras in the bushes?

Why would they do that? You can't even see into the locker rooms from there.

Okay, so what do I do? Because the guy who caught me

-goes to school with me. -Oh, well, that's easy.

You get something incriminating on him.

Call me in the office, we'll discuss it, and then I can also keep a record, you know, for billing and so forth.

Yeah, well, maybe I'll just keep a record of it, too, so I can follow up with my own bill.

(laughs): Oh, very good.

You should be the lawyer. Very good. Pro bono.

Knowing that she could very well

be kicked out of school,

Maeby went in search of an overdue check

at the penthouse.

And as she was checking out the mail...

-(ostrich squawking) -Oh, my God!

...she ran into an ostrich in heat

-that was interested -Here, that way, that way.

in checking out the female.

And she wouldn't even let me get a cat.

And after freeing the ostrich

to eventually find love on the adjoining balcony,

she was back searching for a long overdue royalty check.

In fact, it had arrived one day earlier.

"From Gangie for facelift"? Mother.

But she did find that she was being honored

at an award show dedicated to the achievements

of young people in the entertainment business.

I'm getting an Opie?

And it did boost her esteem.

-Hey. -The only bigger honor

would be having an award like that

named after you, I guess.

Days later, however,

she was called to Donny Richter's classroom.

-Hey, you wanted to see me? -Mm, yeah.

I got you tacos.

I hope that's okay, because you're going to sit here through lunch and study.

No, I can't. I can't.

Young lady, you better pull it together or you're not going to graduate.

What is it going to take to get you to focus?

Are you on drugs?

Because, from what I hear, there might be an undercover cop at this school.

In fact, it was an undercover cop she was searching for a way to incriminate.

How long do you want to stay in high school?

-You're 17. -And that's when she remembered that Perfecto thought she was 17, too.

You know what? I think I will do better once I get a little Mexican in me.

NARRATOR: Maeby got her cousin to drive her to the Opies so she could impress him with her achievements.

Well, I'm going to go mingle with a bunch of 13-year-olds who think they can still play fifth grade.

-Have fun. -I'll catch up.

-And Maeby ran into her old -Oh, my gosh.

-studio boss, Mort Meyers. -As I live and breathe.

I'm actually getting the lifetime achievement Opie tonight.

I'm very sorry.

-(laughs): Yeah. -No, they only give that award away to somebody after they die or, even worse, after your career is dead.

Really?

Well, consider yourself lucky.

They told you your career was over.

I didn't find out until I was locked out of my office,

'cause, see, I passed on "Hunger Games."

-Mm. -It wasn't the most graceful of exits.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

This is for you.

Thanks, man.

No, actually, the exit was pretty graceful.

I think I just remember it that way

'cause it got dicey when I was sneaking back in to take a (bleep) on Sid's desk.

(grunting)

(strained grunting)

But do what I do.

When they kick you out of the business, save face by starting your own Internet company.

We're having a big announcement today.

You started an Internet company?

It's the real deal.

It's a system that automates provisioning...

NARRATOR: And once again, she found herself with someone who had not only moved on with their life, but done so in ways she couldn't understand.

...overseas financial transactions.

-It's called Schnoodle. -Schnoodle?

Take a hat; we got 18,000 of them.

And that's when Maeby ran into a friend

she knew from her days at Imagine.

Rebel.

-Hi. How are you? -In hell.

Ah, I hate the Opies.

But whenever Bryce gets pregnant, guess who gets a call?

And you're getting the lifetime achievement award, huh?

You know, I can laugh about it, I can laugh because I'm actually on the upswing.

I was just telling Mort here that I've actually started my own Internet company.

I was just about to tell you.

Well, if you need a name,

I'm the guy who came up with Schnoodle.

-How do we know each other? -We don't.

That's what it is.

Well, Schnoodle's dead.

Fakeblock is the next big thing.

It's called Fakeblock.

What's this? You're talking... talking about Fakeblock?

Yes. Your privacy software.

Oh. How does your privacy software work?

-Huh? It's private. -Yes...

Can I talk to you for a second, please?

-Yes. -I don't want people to know that I'm doing this.

Everybody has to know about this, okay?

This could be big for me.

I could make Fakeblock huge.

No, no, Maeby, there is no company.

Fakeblock is just a software that I'm developing.

And the whole point is that it's private.

So you can't be telling people about it.

No, we got to tell people about it.

I just got a lifetime achievement award.

I'm finished.

And also, I think you should consider calling it "The" Fakeblock.

It's cleaner.

-Like "The Netflick." -It-It's just not ready.

Okay, there's still a bunch of programming problems.

You can get it ready, George Michael.

What, you think they invite the animals and ask them to wait while they build the zoo?

No, that would be a bloodbath.

Yeah, a total (bleep) bloodbath.

We have no money to start a business.

Don't worry, I'll get the ball rolling with some free publicity when I accept my award.

Come on, this could be my only chance to be a Harris.

-A Harris? -All right, fine.

You can still be the boss, okay?

I just don't want people to know that I'm working with my cousin.

So, you are not my cousin.

You are not George Michael Bluth.

I'm great with that.

In fact, you know what might really help us sell it...

Oh, heiress. You meant... You don't pronounce the "H."

-And that's not what heiress means. -I pronounce the "H."

No, but that's not how the word is...

You know, we say words the way we say them for a reason.

So what is this?

Is this another one of these social networking things?

Because I am so over those.

I tried to deactivate my Facebook profile.

It's easier to get out of Scientology.

Well, this is actually the opposite of Facebook.

It's the antisocial network.

It prevents piracy, right?

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

Rebel Alley.

George Mi... Harris.

George Maharis, huh?

And that's how George Michael finally got that new name.

It felt like a good fit-- strong, rugged...

-Yes. -...untainted.

Yes, George Maharis.

-Perfecto. -De nada.

That's my undercover cop boyfriend.

I'm trying to get him in bed.

And Maeby set to work in trapping him

-into becoming a predator. -Hey. I know why you're here.

Promise me you won't tell anyone at school.

I'm just a huge fan of teen stars.

-Yeah. That's very convincing. -Yeah.

You're a better actor than most of the kids here.

-Even Zack and Cody. -Are they here?

I thought they were filming a movie in Maui.

Look, I may only be 17, Perfecto, but I know you're a cop.

Yeah, there it is, that cop stare.

I got to tell you, I find it very sexy.

Okay. Okay, all right.

I'm a cop. I'm working here undercover.

We're hunting down an ex-CIA operative named Esteves who's gone rogue, and...

It's the kids from "Modern Family."

Sorry. He's become a drug kingpin and his son goes to Newport. There's something going down tonight or possibly even at Cinco and that...

Rico!

Wow, you are good.

I have to be-- young lives depend on it.

To be continued.

You better believe it.

Rico!

On her way to accept her award, however,

figuring she wouldn't be at an event like this again,

she stopped for some coconut shrimp.

But narrowly missed the $50,000 check with her name on it

that her mother gave to her grandfather...

-...who gave it to this man. -Got the check.

-Who gave it to this man. -Oh, man.

-Whoa. -Oh.

Although, in that moment,

she did gain some respect for her mother

...a random act of senseless nonviolence.

And perhaps that's why she chose to share

-her problems with her. -So, what are you doing here?

I'm getting a lifetime achievement award for my work in the entertainment business.

I tried.

Tell your therapist I tried.

I'm not in therapy!

Then I must have done something right.

And soon, she was saying farewell to Hollywood

in a way she hoped they'd remember.

Thank you, Kirk Cameron, for that incredibly Bibley introduction.

Okay, so tie yourself to your chair, because this is going to be a rough (bleep) ride.

I'm leaving this (bleep) dying business to join the software game.

Double (bleep) newsflash.

I'm starting Fakeblock with George Maharis, the world's first antisocial network.

So you know what? You can take this Opie and shove it up your (bleep), all right?

Because I will (bleep) punt the next god(bleep) (bleep) who tells me I'm finished, you (bleep) (bleep)hats.

So you can all go (bleep) yourselves!

What? Sure.

Please welcome the talented voices of Phineas and Ferb.

Go (bleep) yourself!

(bleep) you.

And although she was pursued, she was able to shake security

when a bigger problem occurred.

-(explosion) -Right this way, sir.

And after the explosion, Maeby saw her mother

whoring out her principles, and quickly lost the respect

-she had briefly held... -I'd like that very much.

Sir, the press awaits.

...and decided to call her on it.

Are you really gonna whore yourself out like that?

-I am not a whore. -Yeah, you're a whore.

As it turns out, the exchange was

witnessed by Herbert Love's campaign manager,

who, in possession of a third-party check

from "Gangie IV: Face Lift,"

was looking to trade some greenbacks for a redhead.

Ma'am, is she yours?

Unfortunately.

Herbert Love would like to see her.

You can arrange that?

Obviously, discretion is appreciated.

And that's how Maeby got both the seed money

-for her company... -I'm the discreetiest.

And just to be clear, I want to hire her for prostitution.

Yes, no, definitely.

That was clear. I'm gonna charge you for that.

...and became her mother's pimp.

Of course, the plan required getting back

into her mother's good graces to trick her

-into turning a trick. -Hi, sweetie.

Free... bie. Hi.

But the universe seemed to like the plan.

And that's how Maeby was able

to get her mother to meet Herbert

at the club that Maeby still belonged to.

...I could never call him.

I could call him for you.

Technically, she still needed to talk her mother

into having sex with him.

But this was a woman who once wore this to a men's prison,

so she felt she'd be okay.

-And soon, she was pimping out -Can you believe this?

George Michael's software company as well.

Fakeblock-- it's exploding.

I got my P.R. company fanning it.

I even got it to the attention of Jim Cramer.

Jim Cramer?

He's a guy I've worked with, and he even mentioned it on "Mad Money."

This Fakeblock thing is poised to explode!

I never do this, hell, it's not even a stock yet.

For all I know, it's not even real!

But I think this might be going through the roof!

I'm calling it my first "Hypothetical Buy."

(bull bellows)

And this weekend, don't forget to catch me

on "Gangie IV." Here's a taste.

This old lady's crazy!

I'm raising the alert level from "Don't Leave the House"

to "Board Up Your Windows!"

Over the following days, Maeby was able

to discreetly bring in cash from Herbert Love

for services she got her mother to unknowingly render.

Well, why don't you take him out to dinner?

Hmm? Guys who are used to being charged--

I mean in charge, sometimes like it when the other person takes control.

Hmm. Well, maybe I will.

How about the Balboa Yacht Club, huh?

-Put it on the family tab. -Of course.

All right, have fun. I wish I could go out to dinner.

What am I doing? This is disgusting.

I've got money coming in.

All the while putting money into the company...

...ultimate privacy on the Web until now.

If you don't believe me, do a something search on it.

...and bringing in more cash as a result--

her self-esteem growing every day.

Soon, she had enough money

for an apartment and to set up a Fakeblock office.

Right. Um, do you want some stock options?

Yeah? All right, well, split it up with everyone.

That's for everybody.

She even got George Michael a cool retro company car.

-Hey. -Hi. You actually rented a little office.

Yeah. I don't want you to see it yet. Still setting it up.

With a little help from a wealthy benefactor, Lucille 2.

-Oh, Gangie. -No, Lucille 2.

Austero.

I don't know who that is.

You don't?

Never met the woman.

Well, she'll be the one driving the staircar from now on.

-It was part of the deal. -You gave her my car?

Yeah, it's technically hers anyways,

-'cause of the Bluth Company. -Oh.

-But I did get you her 1988 yellow Cadillac. -Yeah?

She only uses it to and from hip replacements.

(laughs)

I guess that's only funny if you know who she is.

And with the extra cash, even got around to spraying

for pests at the model home where she was squatting.

GOB: ...that I never got from you for the last 40 years.

Hey, so what do I owe you?

Here you go.

That's funny, I actually used to date a guy named Steve Holt.

Ha! Steve Holt!

Yeah, that's the guy.

Oh... (chuckles)

Although the house wouldn't remain pest-free for long.

Heck of a birthday this is shaping up to be.

In fact, it was about to get worse.

And Maeby's privacy was about to get violated...

-Why did we stop? -We hit a bug.

...when her uncles barged in unannounced.

I know, I know, I've got these things very, you know,

-meticulously maintained. -(bleep)

-There's... -There are some vultures.

They might still smell Pete.

And she still managed to continue

seducing Perfecto into seducing her.

I'm like, this top is completely see-through.

I'll put it on and show you.

I'm like, "Where am I supposed to wear this?"

This high school senior was working three jobs.

-Okay, buh-buh-buh-buh. -We have to be discreet.

And she did her jobs well.

-What? -We have to be discreet!

-Oh, right. -And soon, it was time

for Maeby to show George Michael the office.

(tires screeching)

Welcome!

-(Mort laughs) -I'm a softie; I hired the guy.

He's more like a mascot than anything.

Mort, where's my coffee?

Oh, damn. Oh, stupid Mort.

I know, it's okay, just focus.

I'm going to take the cart and show George Michael his new office.

Speechless, huh?

How do I get back?!

Of course, when Fakeblock hits, we're going to have to ramp up real fast.

This hangar can hold over 500 nerds!

Maeby, we can't afford this.

-And my software isn't even ready. -Don't worry about that.

Just worry about the app being done in time for the big public unveiling at Cinco.

I'll get the money.

Isn't that in, like, three days?

Uh, no, that's Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco de Quatro is in two days.

But we'll be doing it on a boat, so I hope you don't get seasick.

You're doing the keynote.

You're responsible for all of this.

-Come on. -Wh... No, I...

I-I... I think we, uh...

All of this.

Oh, I think we should delay the keynote.

You know, I'd say yes, but I don't think we can just because of the sheer amount of money that you have on the hook for it.

Maeby, you're fired!

(Mort panting)

MORT: I got her coffee.

NARRATOR: Maeby had just lost a big career option

when she ran into the current squatter of the penthouse.

-Hey. Hey. -Hey. Maeby.

Wow. What are you doing here?

I'm just here to see Lucille 2, actually.

In fact, she was there to see Lucille 2's

so-called foster child, Perfecto.

...talk to you about something very important.

Yeah, um, Uncle Michael,

I-I'm really sorry about that whole

"voting you out of the dorm" thing.

-You know... -You know, we never really meant it to...

Ah, I knew it.

I knew you didn't understand it.

I knew you guys were all...

'Cause I didn't... I don't think I explained it very well, and it was very, very simple.

I made it complicated.

It was a four-person vote.

You see, I voted against myself, so that P-Hound...

And that's a way that-that scenario would've worked out.

What I later realized is that there was another scenario--

Maeby. That there was another scenario,

-Yeah. -a C scenario, scenario C,

-where you... Okay. -I really got to get going.

-All right, but before you do, -I got to... Yeah.

I just need your signature here at the bottom.

Doing a movie about

-the family. -Yeah. Is that still happening?

-What do you mean? -I got to tell you,

I think movies are dead.

Maybe it's a TV show.

-Thank you. I owe you one. -Yeah. No, you don't.

NARRATOR: And now a half hour late,

Maeby went back to her plan

of seducing an undercover cop.

And that's when Lucille 2

saw a very real girl in her imaginary boy's room.

And after, secure that she had something

with which to blackmail Perfecto,

she sought out a late payment from the Love campaign

at Cinco. As it turns out,

the Love campaign had just taken care

of a threat of their own.

-Why can't I do this? -And that's when

Maeby ran into her mother.

Oh, Maeby.

-Hey. -Oh, hey.

I need to apologize to you.

That check you've been looking for,

I had it.

"Had"?

It's not everything, but here's some money.

(chuckles) Mom, let go.

(sighs) It's dirty money anyway.

Love gave it to me.

NARRATOR: Maeby felt bad.

He gave you money directly?

If you can believe that.

Anyway, this is your money now, and if you choose to do facial reconstruction...

I mean, the nose, right?

But Maeby was more concerned

about losing yet another income stream.

So he's trying to snake the bottom bitch from my stable?

And more importantly, her rep on the street.

And she knew just who to go to about it.

He stole money from me.

He's a bully, so I want you to "bad cop" him for me a little, okay?

So where is this bully?

He's right there.

The little guy with the cigarette?

No, the ripped black guy behind him.

-Oh, right. -Perfecto was nervous...

I just... I just didn't look up high enough.

...but headed off to do as told.

-Herbert Love, Herbert Love... -And later,

after Herbert Love didn't return,

-Perfecto did. -Hey, did you do it?

It's taken care of.

-Oh. -(shouting)

But that's when the party got out of control.

-(clamoring) -What's going on?

Guess the blowback has started.

Thank God I'm with an undercover cop.

Pull out your gun.

I don't have a gun.

What kind of cop doesn't have a gun?

Okay, I'm not a cop.

But I saw your badge at the bar.

In fact, it was an anti-bullying badge.

He'd received it from a police-run

anti-bullying program at school.

You're never too old to stand up to a bully.

PERFECTO: I made up all that stuff to impress you; I'm just a senior.

A señor?

I'm 17.

Ha!

You're 17?

Yeah.

I'm 23.

Oh, that's a relief.

I wasn't supposed to be driving with you.

But we messed around.

NARRATOR: Oh, they did more than that.

(horn blows)

Don't worry; nobody saw.

Except Lucille 2.

And that's when Maeby, who had spent so long

lying to others and even herself,

finally had to admit she had made a huge mis...

Oh, no, I'm fine.

...Lucille 2 becomes less of a threat to Maeby.

...is an ongoing investigation, we are pretty certain

that this is where Lucille Austero landed.

It is the way she usually falls.

Are you gonna run in her place?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, let's not bury her yet.

We are all still holding out hope that she is, indeed, found.

But a new threat to Maeby emerges.

Shh. Stop it. What?

Can we at least have breakup sex?

No, you're 17.

I'm 23-year-old woman.

If anyone found out that we already had sex, it would be a major felony.

Congratulations. You got your first A.

Oh, thank God. This A is finally gonna get me out of high school.

No, sex offender, your A is going to jail.

You can't arrest me; you're an algebra teacher.

Donny Richter is an algebra teacher.

I'm Rocky Richter.

I told you there was an undercover cop in this school.

(handcuffs clicking)

Oh, God.

I'm gonna have to live in Sudden Valley.