Home > Arrested Development

Family Leave

All right!

[Ron Howard] Michael Bluth had been away from his family for two months,

and his life had never seemed better.

-[grunts] -[man] Oh, head in the sand!

[Ron] While at a tech company famous for providing access to any information,

except for its own name,

-he had found friends... -Jim.

-Oh, nice return, Jim. -...been retrained for the workplace...

It's just one space after a period?

That's okay. Let's try it again.

...and was learning new skills every day.

Hi, sorry I'm late.

-[man] How you doing? -Konnichiwa.

-So, is your family joining you? -No.

They will not be joining, um, but, um, maybe just, uh, one of their kids can take a swing at me, huh?

[Ron] While he believed he had put his family behind him...

This class is geared more to self-defense for the family, not...

Not from the family.

-...there were some unresolved issues. -I get that.

Do you have family-on-family stuff?

A few years ago, I would have given you the same look.

[Ron] In those few years, Michael's life had changed quite a bit.

After borrowing money from a flirtatious family friend...

-Just till I get on my feet. -...whose vertigo made it hard

for her to stay on her own feet,

Michael finally started his own housing business.

{\an8}-The collapse of the housing market... -[Ron] At the worst possible time.

-That's not a great sign. -[squawks]

[Ron] But Michael soon had another business opportunity.

-[Michael] I'm a producer? -Well, it's a movie about the family.

Although, the heartbeat of this thing is the father-son dynamic.

-[Ron] Which put Michael off the project. -I'm not able to do this.

[Ron] Until a chance run-in with actress Rebel Alley...

-I'm sorry. -Where's a producer when you need one?

-...put him back on it. -I'm a movie producer!

[Ron] And having found his new leading lady...

I could put your name in for something.

...who turned out to be Ron Howard's daughter,

Michael was soon acting like a movie producer, too.

[Ron] Michael's son was starting a business

after claiming to have invented a new privacy software.

...software that's also anti-piracy? You have a way of doing this?

This could be huge.

[Ron] Not exactly. It did do this.

...of what programmers call "hacker traps."

-It's called Fakeblock. -[Ron] And word spread.

How does your software work?

[Ron] Garnering attention from the same actress to whom

-he gave a fake name. -George Mi-- Harris.

[Ron] And soon, George Michael was acting like a...

well, a movie producer, too.

She was raised by a different mother than Ron's other kids.

It's just a whole different thing over there.

Anyway, with Maeby in charge of the business,

George Michael soon found himself in debt.

Maeby, we can't afford this.

And my software isn't even rea-- dy.

-[Ron] He found one place to save money. -Maeby, you're fired!

[Ron] And though Michael was losing Rebel

-to her mystery man, he got good news. -You're dating Rebel Alley?

Do you know the other guy that she's dating?

No. I know it's over.

She is dumping him.

[Ron] Which he promptly acted upon.

[Michael singing]

[Ron] But it wouldn't be long before Michael discovered who George...

-"Maharis" really was. -[bleeps]

[Ron] Something he kept to himself when his son admitted...

-I think it might be over. -Great.

Pain... fades slowly.

-[Ron] But Michael knew... -Quickly.

...he'd have to end it.

Tell me about your girlfriend. You're producing this movie...

I think they're both over. Wasn't meant to be.

You owe my sister $700,000.

[Ron] This, combined with a threat from Lucille 2's brother...

-You can't hide in a gorilla suit from me. -[Ron] That one's hard to explain.

...sent Michael to a night of drinking and a desperate proposal

to get his $700,000 debt forgiven...

I'm gonna have sex with you, for money.

...that perhaps overestimated his value, at least according

to the latest Balboa Bachelor Auction totals.

And returning from a night with Lucille 2,

which ended poorly, Michael ran into a brother...

I went to see Lucille 2, and I lost control.

I did something that I wish I could forget.

...who had also done something he wanted Michael to forget.

-Was that wax? -[Gob] Put the mask on!

[Ron] Which is how he ended up drugged on the floor of the model home...

-It's easy to forget. -...where he peacefully slept,

deterring at least one badly needed buyer.

...some of the neighbors are not to be desired. Oh!

One got in. You know, I have other properties...

[Ron] And missing a visit from Predator Entrapment host

John Beard, who had arrived to retrieve

some hidden cameras, now that it looked

{\an8}like his predator hole had been fished out.

It would be another full night

before Michael would come up with a way to work off his $700,000 debt...

...repay you that loan.

...that he'd forgotten he'd already come up with.

It was the next call to the woman he believed his son had broken up with...

The thing with the other guy, we don't have to talk about that.

[Ron] ...that Michael would most regret.

-Goodbye. -[Ron] But there would have to be

one more conversation.

[George Michael] Who was that?

No one.

[Ron] Michael Bluth left for his date with Rebel,

surprised to find people working on what he thought was a holiday.

Boy, you guys don't miss a day.

-[Ron] Michael had missed two. -Yeah.

-What, are you tenting the place? -[laughs] Hey, Michael. Yeah.

We're getting everything prepped.

Not sure if Maeby's in there, or Tobias, or something?

Mind if we use the stairs?

Gob said he heard something in the attic.

Oh, yeah, uh, well...

Hopefully, it's not my father. [chuckles]

George Sr.! [laughs]

Okay. This bug guy really knows our family.

[Ron] Michael went to find the source of the noise,

and soon came across a reminder of a simpler time,

and his dream of taking his son on a scuba diving trip.

He'd started the boy young, getting him trained in

-underwater communication. -Underwater communication.

"Are you okay?"

-"Yes, I'm okay." -Okay.

I've wanted to ask you that underwater.

[Ron] But soon, the sign language turned...

-[instructor] "Out of oxygen." -...to more pressing threats.

Now, that's one you're gonna need to know.

-[Michael] Mm-hmm. -[instructor] Who remembers

-"shark"? Huh? -[Michael] Shark, that's easy.

-Yeah. Huh? -[instructor] "Manta ray."

But don't do that around the shark. They eat them.

-[chuckles] -[instructor] You got "boat," "jellyfish,"

"propeller," and "electric eel." Ouch!

Okay. Let's hit the pool.

[Ron] Ironically, it was this final threat that did young George Michael in.

-We put on our tanks and we-- -Oh.

George Michael? George Michael?

Hey, pal.

-Here we go. -[filtered breathing]

[Ron] Michael soon found reminders

of other scuba attempts they've made.

-[Michael] Huh? That was great. -Oh, yeah.

[Michael] You really conquered the pool.

I think you're ready for the ocean.

Huh. I thought we were going to the Reef.

We are. It's in the ocean.

I thought it was a restaurant by the pool.

Why did you think I said, "Watch out for the crabs"?

Why did you think I said, "I always get a hamburger"?

-I thought you were kidding. -[both chuckle]

Buddy? Hey. George Michael? Oh, he's done it again.

There it is.

-Deep breath, buddy. -[filtered breathing]

[Ron] And Michael found himself caught off guard

by the fact that his son had grown

right out of his childhood.

And by the brother who had squeezed himself

-right into it. -[screams]

-Oh, God! -[screaming]

-Buster? Buster? Hey. -[wheezing]

[Ron] Fortunately, this wasn't Michael's first scuba scare... scare.

-[screams] -Ah! Okay. Hey.

Michael. Hi.

Am I that much of a monster, Michael? Even to you?

No, not at all, I just wasn't expecting, uh, you know, a man to be sitting in a Scuba Jr., leaping out at me up in the attic, that's all.

-[both chuckling] -That's all.

[whoops]

I guess that is a little strange.

-You should've seen your face. -Yeah, yeah, well...

You looked like a little girl.

-Oh, God! -[shouts]

-[clears throat] -Look at that.

Got a new hand?

No, I just took the skin off.

-It's in the dryer. -All right.

-Buddy, you cannot be up here, okay? -The tent thing, I know.

I mean, thank God I found some scuba equipment

-because they are fumigating. -[hand whirring]

Yeah. The skin really muffles the sound on that.

There's another suit over there; it's a smaller size, though.

Uh... [stammers] That's my son's.

-We never got a chance to use it. -Oh.

Probably too young to be around the fumes.

No, pal, we were gonna use this scuba gear for scuba diving.

-Mm. -Underwater.

-Not to hang out in a poison cloud. -Mm...

It's father-son bonding we never got to do.

-Aw. -Put it on the long list of regrets.

Well, I've had plenty of those with Mom.

-Have you? -We used to want to play dress-up.

Her as Jackie O., me as John-John... But we... [chuckles]

No, I guess we did get to do that a couple of times.

♪ Motherboy... ♪

-I'm sure... -That isn't a regret.

-Yeah, no, it should be. -Mm-hmm.

So why are you here at the house?

Ma said she asked you to look after me.

No. She actually didn't.

And I can't look after you.

And you cannot be here.

You can't say I can't be here and say you're not looking after me.

Pick a lane, Michael!

I can't believe she did that without consideration for what's going on in my life.

Hope I never do that to my own, uh... um...

-Mom. -Son.

-Ah. Oh, right. -Hope I never do that to my son.

[Ron] And perhaps it was in this moment

that Michael realized he couldn't date Rebel anymore.

Okay. Sorry. I got my own problems I gotta deal with.

[laughing] Well, I guess I'm a problem.

-Now I'm a problem. -No, you're not a problem.

Little help? The tank's heavy...

I gotcha. Oh, you found the flippers, too, huh?

-No, I don't need help. -You don't? Or you do?

-Oh, pick a lane, Michael. -I'm trying to help.

-Pick a lane, Buster. -No, you pick a lane!

-Come on. Ow, ow, ow. -I picked a lane!

-Release that. Release it! -[yelling]

{\an8}[Ron] Now the story of a wealthy family

{\an8}who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice

{\an8}but to keep them all together.

{\an8}It's...

Michael arrived at Rebel Alley's apartment determined to be honest and end things.

[chuckles] Hey. What are you doing here?

[Ron] And almost immediately found himself

helplessly doing the opposite.

I'm dating Rebel Alley.

I'm dating Rebel Alley.

-It's like we're identical... -[Ron] There are moments

that are hard to take back.

Moments that create too great a shift in dynamics.

An earthquake in a family that shatters both members' notions of themselves.

-...twin-- -[Ron] Like when you punch your dad.

I was going to get out of it.

[Ron] And as they both began to absorb the weight of what had just happened...

-Hey, I hope I didn't-- -It's forgotten.

-[Ron] ...they acted as if they hadn't. -And, um, and you--

-I mean, I hope that I... -Oh, it's in the past.

[sighs] I'll let you get back to it.

Yes, great, thank you.

{\an8}Um, I was just leaving, actually.

{\an8}Yes. Me, too.

{\an8}I thought you...

{\an8}I am now.

{\an8}And was going to earlier. [chuckles]

{\an8}-Ciao. -Bella.

{\an8}[Ron] Michael returned to the penthouse,

{\an8}eager to downplay what had happened with his son.

{\an8}Otherwise, I'll just assume that we're good.

{\an8}Okay. Are we good? [chuckles] All right.

{\an8}[Ron] Michael was equally eager to avoid Lucille 2...

{\an8}[woman] Goodbye, Missus.

{\an8}...whom he believed to be in her apartment...

{\an8}Boy. It's like the Weimar Republic in that place.

{\an8}-...when his phone finally rang. -[phone buzzing]

{\an8}Don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up,

{\an8}don't hang up, don't hang up.

{\an8}Hey, I've been looking for you.

{\an8}[Lucille 2] It's Lucille Austero.

{\an8}-I've been looking for you. -Oh, hey.

{\an8}Uh, Lucille, yeah, look--

{\an8}I-- [stammers, sighs] I called you before, um...

{\an8}I'm right across the, um, uh, street.

{\an8}Uh, or city. Street, really.

{\an8}Our city, um... the... uh... but we keep

{\an8}-missing each other, uh... -...checkbook...

{\an8}Uh, I'd much rather do the checkbook.

But I am driving away right now, so if you actually come out onto your balcony, you might even be able to see me driving.

In fact, I think I see you.

Is that you? Can I see you?

[Ron] Michael couldn't be sure that she was out on her deck.

[Michael reading note]

[Ron] While he had second thoughts about writing... "Love you,"

he couldn't risk her coming out that door.

[clicks tongue] Hi.

-She still out? -Uh, no, no.

She's-- she's, uh, she's still in there, but I gotta...

She's kind of obsessed with me, so I gotta... go.

-[Ron] But she wasn't in there. -[knocking on door]

Because moments earlier, a still very upset George Michael

-called a cousin in that apartment. -[George Michael] I'm sorry about that.

I'm done being George Maharis. I need to talk to you.

Look, this isn't a great time, okay?

I'm doing a scrub-down. Nobody can know I was here, having a little smooch with my boyfriend.

[Ron] A boyfriend she was briefly seen at Lucille 2's apartment with.

While she believed that he was an undercover cop

-posing as a teenager. -[Maeby] A señor?

-I'm 17. Ha! -[Ron] He turned actually out...

...to be a teenager, posing as an undercover cop, posing as a teenager.

It's hard to explain.

No, that actually happened to, like, two of my neighbors at Sudden Valley.

They're not putting me in Sudden Valley. I'll tell you that much.

That's why I'm here, picking up anything I left behind that might be incriminating.

You know? Just panties, leggings, corsets,

the sex knobs, and one of those double-headed bondage things

with the curly choke leash.

That's probably a landline.

Ew, gross!

-She put her ear on that? -I need to talk to you.

It's about my dad. I'm pulling up to the penthouse to see if he's here, so...

Wait, you're at the penthouse? No, no.

Don't come up. This place is crawling with cops.

I'll meet you there in a second.

I gotta figure out how to get out of here without being noticed.

Okay, I'll meet you in the courtyard.

-For my dog? -[Maeby] Whoa!

Wow.

You really snuck in.

Hey, you know what might look cute on you, instead of that smock?

Also, do you have any scissors?

{\an8}-[Ron] And moments later... -[phone buzzing]

{\an8}[Michael] Don't hang up,

-don't hang up... -[Maeby] Okay.

[Ron] And soon, the cousins

met up in the courtyard downstairs.

-[George Michael] Hey. -Hey.

-You were at Gangie's penthouse? -Lucille 2.

Wh...

You drive her car. How do you still not know who that is?

I punched my dad.

Wow. Uncle Michael?

-Yeah. -Wow.

You're burning bridges all over the place.

I don't know what to do.

Well, for starters, you could post it on Dadfights.

Wait, that's a thing?

It's just, like, a bunch of guys punching their dads, or...?

Yeah, well, you're supposed to say, "Guess what, Dad," but some dads were catching on, and they were just whaling on their kids.

You can watch those clips on That'sWhatSon.

Well, my dad didn't hit me back, which is even worse.

Still, I mean, he knew I was the other man.

For God knows how long.

It couldn't have been for long. He didn't know when I told him.

You told him I was dating Rebel?

Well, technically, I said she was dumping her boyfriend, but...

Yeah. I was hoping this would happen.

-Hey, you had fired me. I was... bored. -Mad.

I guess I need to apologize to him or something.

Well, if he said it was nothing and now you apologize, you're gonna make it something.

I mean, what did Gangie always say? "Forget, but never forgive."

You think she meant to say it that way?

-Yeah. -Do you think "A friend in need is no friend indeed" was also on purpose?

What about "They should take the rapists and murderers and put them all together on an island...

"...and the murderers can be raped, the rapists can be murdered...

[both] until you only have either two rapists or

-[Maeby] one murderer -one raped murderer

-[both] but who cares about him?" -Oh, was it "one raped murderer"?

I've heard her say both.

I mean, in all likelihood, the guy would be raped.

I should call him and say I'm sorry.

Look, if you apologize to him, it's gonna make him feel horrible.

[sighs]

So I think you should do it.

[phone buzzing]

[grunts]

[Ron] And so, Michael left another message,

careful not to make his son feel horrible

with an apology of his own.

I wanted to hit you back...

Uh... sorry, um...

[stammering] I wanted to make one thing clear, um...

She, uh... She does not know that we are father/son.

That I was your, uh, your father.

Uh, that I am your father.

Okay? I will not apologize for that. [chuckling] Okay?

Or anything, really.

So, no pressure to call me back, but if you want, um, you know, hit me back.

Okay? Well... [chuckles]

Again, sorry.

Okay, bye.

[Ron] And while listening to make sure the coast was clear,

Michael noticed something he'd missed before.

[knocking on door]

Sorry to bother you.

Apparently, Lucille Austero's missed a couple of speaking engagements.

We're trying to find her.

She-She's not in there? I thought I heard her in there.

No, it must have been her housekeeper.

Nobody's seen her since Cinco.

Isn't today Cinco?

Today's the sixth.

[Lucille 2 grunts]

Huh. Well, I just talked to her on the phone, so she's somewhere.

-If you'll excuse me. -You're Michael Bluth?

-I am Michael Bluth. -Did you write this note?

Yeah, that's one of mine. Who are you?

Uh, Newport Beach Police Department, Lieutenant Toddler.

Ah. Officer.

-Yeah, hi. I was hoping you were a cop. -Hi.

-Always wanted to be a cop. -Uh-huh.

[stammering] But they just don't pay fair.

I do okay.

Hmm? Yeah, I'm sure you do.

But, you know, you probably... you haven't had to pay for a meal in years, though. Huh?

I mean, I'm sure that you offer, yeah?

Do you talk to Ms. Austero often?

I do not. Not often, no. I barely know her.

Really? 'Cause it says right here that you love her.

It does, doesn't it? Yeah.

You know... [mumbling] "Sorry we keep... love..."

It's the way that I say goodbye.

-Hmm. -Um... because you never know, um... if you're never gonna see someone again.

You should know that. You see people actually die.

-I've seen one person die. -Mm-hmm.

A postman. Uh, was not my favorite day of the year...

[chuckles] ...to say the least.

And he is the one that taught me

-about loving each other. -[postman] Love each other.

I guess this is sort of my way of keeping him alive.

[Ron] No, it was not.

Is your mother here?

My mother? No. I'm-I'm all grown up, Toddler.

Okay, 'cause my partner was here yesterday, talked to someone who said that she lived here.

It was a woman with red hair.

[Ron] In fact, it was George Sr.

Who, after discovering he had almost no testosterone at all

was frightened and confused

and eager to hide from the world.

I don't allow men in my apartment without my husband present.

[Ron] But George Sr. soon realized

his impression of a woman

wasn't going to win him any awards.

So he took off in his trailer for Mexico to forget

-his shameful mistakes. -[sighs]

[Ron] His son Gob, meanwhile, was also in Mexico.

[Gob] Hey, there.

Friend of mine left me a note, um... in my handwriting, and he said that you might be able to set me up with the pill that makes the memories go away, like a... like a shame-wow.

[Ron] A request he'd made over 500 times.

See, I did something a little out of character. [chuckles]

And, um, the window's kind of closing in on, you know, before it lodges in the long-term, um...

What do you call it? Um...

What do you call it?

Brains.

Long-term brains.

[Ron] But the store vendor had seen Gob more times than he was able to forget.

-Yeah, make a call. Yes, definitely... -Policía.

Definitely check with Belicia.

-[speaking Spanish] -Wish her a Happy Five, by the way.

You guys get that here or is that just out in the States?

Getting in on it.

-Happy Five. -Oh, thank you.

-How's your Five treating you? -Dad?

[Ron] That's when he ran into his father.

Gob. Gob.

What are you doing here?

Here? I'm just getting some boner pills...

[laughing] ...and this guys says I don't need them.

He knows from boner-- Anyway, what are you doing here?

Me, too, I don't need 'em.

[Ron] And then Gob had an idea.

What do you say you and I...

[Ron] A horrible idea.

...[bleeps] our way through Mexico?

[Ron] This wouldn't be an option

for George Sr., which is why he replied...

Mexico won't be able to walk for a week.

[laughs]

Two full weeks!

-[Ron] Michael knew none of this. -[Michael] That's impossible.

My mother's got brown hair.

You don't know anyone with red hair?

No, I don't know anyone... Well, I know...

I'm just ending something right now with a woman who has red hair, Rebel Alley.

Oh, Ron Howard's daughter.

That's the one. And Ron's got red hair.

So, I guess that's two people I know with red hair.

Of course, I'm holding a wig that is made of red hair.

So that's those two and the wig, I think that's got it.

And my sister has recently gotten the red hair.

But she's nuts, so...

[Ron] Actually, Lindsay had been hiding her identity

with that very wig while dating a right-wing candidate

whose positions she opposed...

I can't do this unless you promise to be against the wall.

What the hell?

...and was determined to change.

-Better for my back, anyway. -Thank you.

[Ron] But soon, photos of Herbert Love with a mystery redhead

were used to blackmail her.

-God, that was a photo booth? -Mm-hmm.

[Ron] So, it was only once she ditched the red hair...

I'm a Bluth and so are you.

-...that she joined the opposition. -[chanting] Put up this wall!

[Ron] Unfortunately, her candidate encountered

some new opposition.

-[yells] -[officer] We have an unconscious black male choosing not to comply.

[Ron] Having discovered he dropped out of the race...

[officer] Aggressively come at me!

...Lindsay's political enthusiasm waned.

[Michael] So, I have no idea where she is, but, uh, my mother is at Austerity. It's a rehab clinic.

Actually, we checked the rehab and your mother wasn't there.

[Ron] Actually, when Lucille 2 first went missing,

Lucille 1 took the opportunity to compel her therapist

to change her status from in- to outpatient,

bypassing both the Austerity Clinic's red tape

as well as its security tape.

And she was remanded to the care of your brother-in-law, Tobias Funghi?

-F... -You don't happen to know the license plate of the car he drives, do you?

His license plate number? No, I don't.

I barely know my own license plate number, much less my brother-in...

It's A-N-U-S and then for some reason T-A-R-T.

"A new start."

If you saw it written out, I don't think that you would...

Let me try this one on you. A-N-A-L-R-A-P...

Well, it doesn't matter. Listen, I gotta go.

I don't know where my mother and Tobias are, excuse me, but they're clearly up to something.

They're not gonna be easy to get back.

Well, Ms. Austero isn't quite a missing person yet.

We are particularly interested in talking to Byron, who she apparently had a relationship with.

It's Buster. Uh, and that's why I know that they're up to something,

'cause the last time that I saw Buster was, um...

-Oh, God! -[yells]

[Ron] And, resentful of his family,

Michael came up with a plan to make them come back.

Tell me how this missing person thing works.

-You want to report him missing? -I might.

You'd call it in, but not until he's been gone for 72 hours.

Hmm. I think it's worth the wait.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay.

That's what we'll do. Find Buster, you're gonna find Lucille.

Which one?

I don't think he cares.

See you later.

Thank you for your service.

Love you.

[elevator bell dings]

[Ron] Lindsay arrives at the border she had just called for a wall to protect.

[Lindsay] Oh, they have one.

[laughs nervously]

[speaking Spanish]

He wants your passport.

Oh, I didn't bring a... [scoffs] I'm American.

How do you say "I'm American" in Mexican?

Soy americano.

Hmm. That does sound good. Ask him for two.

[Ron] Lindsay is proud

that she thought to include her driver.

And Lucille and her therapist arrive

-at their beachside casita. -[Lucille] Look at them.

Dancing on the beach like they own the place.

Good. We'll use that.

I want to laser in on that anger.

Look out at the ocean.

Tell me, what does it make you think?

Like, "Everyone's having fun but me, running and laughing and...

I feel like men run away from me.

-I'm stuck here doing therapy." -I've been deserted.

Is that my fault? Is it because of my anger?

When I see a squirrelly, little fruitcake like that one skipping into the ocean, I think,

-"Why do I hate him so much?" -[man laughing outside]

That little bald one there with the fringed cut-offs who...

-[Tobias] Yay! -[Lucille] Oh, [bleeps].

It's you.

[Tobias continues laughing]

Vivo! Vivo!