Home > Arrested Development

Premature Independence

NARRATOR: Gob had been preparing for a parade illusion...

-Here it is. -...to allow him to reunite

with Tony Wonder.

Christian magician goes into one closet, gay magician into the other, they spin around, then you come out of the opposite closets, okay?

Except now, he's straight and you're gay.

You could go back and forth the whole parade.

(sighs)

-I love it. -Yeah. (chuckles)

But the big question is: will Tony? I mean, sometimes,

I'm really into something, and he hates me.

Well, there's only one way to know.

NARRATOR: And so Gob called a man

he had tried to forget by purchasing

a closet conversion store in the first place.

It's hard to explain.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Sure.

-He's in. -ALL: Yeah!

And breathe a word about this to anybody and you're fired.

NARRATOR: Now the story of a wealthy family

who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice

but to keep them all together.

♪ ♪

It's...

NARRATOR: Lucille was visiting Buster

for the first time since his incarceration.

GUARD: Five minutes.

Well, I'm not going to be the one who apologizes, if that's what you're waiting for.

-Well, I'm sorry, but... -Apology accepted.

Uh...

No, you said it.

You said "I'm sorry."

You said the words.

Did I exaggerate about her?

She really is just like the mother in Two and a Half Men.

No, you did not.

Start watching that show? Yes, I did, Mother.

And you lied to me.

There's no scary half-man that I couldn't handle.

I don't approve of that show.

Well, there's a lot of stuff I've done in this prison that you might not approve of.

I touched a mouse.

I read an illustrated Qur'an for kids, and at recess once,

I sat in "Blacks only."

Yard.

Oh, I keep doing that.

But maybe what you really don't approve of is... me.

If you must know the truth, I'm not thrilled with you.

-Okay. -The last time I saw you, you told me you didn't need me anymore.

BUSTER: Okay-- So I'm to believe that's what you're upset about? (laughs)

Not that you think I'm a murderer?

Or that I touched a mouse?

I happen to know for a fact

-you're not a murderer. -What?

Lucille 2's fine, but she can't come back right now.

You know where she is?

-I know who she's with, -(Buster gasps) and that's all I can say.

Why don't you say it to someone to get me out of here?

I can't do that right now.

You'll just have to sit tight and trust me for a little while longer.

(chuckles) So it's like that again.

History repeats.

You remember that?

I remember you paying me off by letting me go to the Fourth of July parade, but I'm a man now.

Paying me off isn't gonna be that easy.

You'll need the warden's permission, and then you'll have to sponsor me for my furlough, and they probably won't let me on the float again, but that's just...

Oh, God, it's still the parade, isn't it?

We're still talking about...

Oh, we're talking about it!

Buster, please.

The parade's in two days.

The whole city will be there.

The last thing this family needs right now is a Bluth in a chain gang, picking up trash.

Well, it's either that, or I'm gonna start spewing it.

And your job's not gonna be easy since, of course, I got dinged because I screamed, "Turn it off!" after they showed the half-man.

It's like they need another reason to call me...

-Half-man? -...Jon Cryer.

Oh.

NARRATOR: Soon, George Michael sought out Maeby

where she was living

-as the sexagenarian Annette... -MAEBY: One minute!

-It's me. It's me. -Oh, where are my glasses?

Oh, they're right on top of my head, for God's sake.

It's me. It's me.

-Hey. -In. Come in.

NARRATOR: ...who wasn't feeling very sexagenaric.

So, you're not gonna believe this...

What are you doing?

I'm doing another scrub and run.

My sex date is tonight, and there's no other way out of it.

And honestly, if I wanted a hairless lover,

I'd probably go underage rather than overage, you know?

-What's that? -No, I mean, not that I would do it on purpose.

I'm just saying if I had a gun to somebody's head.

-If you had a... -What do you want me to do?

You want me to shoot a kid? What kind of monster are you?

I'm not sure how I became the monster there, but what happened to your plan to make Annette forgetful?

Like, she can't keep track of things, to get out of the date?

Well, it ended up having the opposite effect.

NARRATOR: Because when Maeby showed up late,

she saw something troubling.

Oh, what a relief.

I thought you disappeared on me.

-(chuckles) -(Maeby chuckles weakly)

Mwah. Thank God.

Before I could even act confused, he had already called the cops.

NARRATOR: Well, not exactly.

-They weren't cops. -This is wonderful.

I've always wanted to be a Keystone Cop.

It would be my honor to wear this handlebar mustache

-in the 2nd of July parade. -LOU: That's right.

It's your first parade not playing the jailbird.

So you should know, those can be tricky to stick on.

Hey. I think I know what I'm doing.

Kind of what I'm doing.

MAEBY: And these were, like, senior guys, you know?

Long coats. He's not gonna let her go, which means I have to.

Good-bye, Annette.

Good-bye to our teeth that make it look like I'm smiling so I don't have to.

And you, I'll miss you most of all, neighbor's pain medication.

(voice breaking): I never even got the chance...

Nah, I'll just take you with me.

So, now that you found out your dad's sneaking around with your girlfriend, looks like you need a roommate, too, huh?

No, that's what I came to talk to you about.

He wasn't going to see Rebel in Mexico.

The whole thing was just a crazy, paranoid idea.

Who knows where we get these ideas from, right?

Well, you. I got that from you. It's always from you.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna say that sounded like one of mine.

Yeah, so I was going down there to catch my father in this lie, and it turns out that I was the one caught in a lie, because there's a picture of the stair car in Mexico.

NARRATOR: Something George Michael discovered

while trying to be honest with his father,

on the way to purchasing 12 new tires.

So, George Michael,

-why did you follow me down here? -The truth?

I-I thought you were coming down here to meet Rebel.

Come on, I'm so over Rebel.

GEORGE MICHAEL: You were lying about so many other things,

Pea Soup Andersen's and being at the barbecue...

MICHAEL: No, no, you're right.

How about, starting right now, no more lies.

BARRY: That doesn't include me, though, does it?

MICHAEL: No, no, no. You'd be out of business, and by the way,

Barry, you had the best lie of all, saying that they had a picture of-of Lucille 2 and Oscar in the stair car.

That is not a lie. You said, "Keep it as real as possible."

Prismo, texting mode.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Self-drive on.

MICHAEL: This was real? If they've got this, there's no reason for them to hold Buster and they know it.

-Did you know about this, Dad? -GEORGE SR.: Are you kidding?

Thanks to your mother, I can't even feel

-your son on my lap. -Can I see that, Dad?

MAEBY: Ugh, so Lucille 2 is alive? Great.

Another reason I got to get the hell out of here.

No, it wasn't her, it was us.

From when we went to Mexico with Steve Holt.

Don't you remember how we got there?

NARRATOR: It was just after Cinco

when Maeby suggested fleeing the country.

Screw it. No rules, anything goes.

-Just the cousins. -Hey, why don't we take that?

STEVE: Primos! (laughs)

So anyway, now my dad and everyone else thinks that they have proof that's gonna exonerate Buster that I know isn't true.

And I'm not sure whether I should...

Lie to him.

What do you think?

Oh, okay. You just told me. Really?

Even though we just left the stair car there when it broke down?

I mean, what if they find it?

I'm sure somebody got it working and it's long gone.

And it's not like you're actually lying to your dad.

You're just letting him believe something that isn't true.

You know? Like how people think the world's melting because people drive cars, or that Hillary should continue to roam free.

NARRATOR: And Maeby realized

she had something else to say good-bye to.

Good-bye, Fox & Friends.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Lucille was growing concerned

that her daughter Lindsay

wouldn't be back in time for the parade.

REPORTER: Sally, Sally, where are you headed?

I think the more important question here is:

where is my opponent, Lindsay Bluth?

Maybe she's hiding behind this wall she wants to build.

If she does indeed show up at the parade,

I will be very surprised, though I may not look it.

-No further questions. -(knocking on door)

-Hey, hey. -(sighs)

Oh, George, I've been worried sick.

About Buster being stuck in-in that jail.

They are making him a patsy, parading him around, frightening the masses before the Fourth of July.

It's on the second this year.

And being in the parade was his idea, like it was in 1982.

We're trying to get Lindsay elected, and Buster wants everyone in the world to see him in an orange jumpsuit.

-So he'll be out in public? -I don't want to tell you what I had to give the warden to make that happen.

I don't want to hear it.

Meanwhile, we still don't have a Lindsay, and Sally is calling us out about it.

We've got this elaborate float to help distract from the fact that there's no stair car this year,

-and nobody to put on it. -(phone buzzing)

-Ugh, God. -Fortunately, Tobias was finally calling.

Oh, thank God, it's Tobias.

You better have found my daughter.

Sally is now in the race, and she's pointing out that no one has seen Lindsay in a week.

Yes. I didn't want to get your hopes up,

but I'm in Mexico and I have found Lindsay...

-Oh, thank God. -...to be very stubborn.

Oh, damn it,

I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do.

Anyway, I'm at Ma Bark's, and she tells me Lindsay should be back this afternoon, before I'm out of my postal plumage. Of course, when she does come back,

I'll still need to get her into the car.

Well, say whatever you need to.

Yes. I was thinking I would just say,

"Your mother is so sorry she upset you."

Out of the question.

(sighs) Yes. It felt a little out of character.

How about I just make it about me?

"It's incredibly important to me and my life..."

Where is this going?

"...and if you do this for me,

"I'm sure Lucille will make me permanent member of the Bluth family."

That way, you're not lying to Lindsay...

You are. Well, that sounds like the best of our diplomatic options, but you're in Mexico, for God's sake.

Please tell me you prepared a few "against her wills."

(chuckles) Oh, my gosh. I do miss that wit, Mother.

It's Mrs. Bluth. I wasn't joking.

And you're right, we need her standing,

and dressed and ready for the parade.

On it. In the meantime, wow, what a trip! (laughs)

Murphybrown saw an armadillo, men held us up at gunpoint, and I got to dress up

-as an os... -(sighs)

NARRATOR: It would be five minutes before he would realize

she was no longer on the phone.

And, as Tobias awaited bringing Lindsay home,

Maeby was reluctantly leaving hers.

You're Annette's granddaughter, aren't you?

Yeah, I am. (chuckles)

I'm getting out of here.

Saying good-bye to her.

Well, she's in good hands.

Stan would do anything for your grandmother.

If that woman told him to jump off a bridge, he would.

He would, wouldn't he?

NARRATOR: And she found herself feeling reflective.

(indistinct conversations)

Nah, I love this place.

I'll just tell him it's over, and kick him out.

NARRATOR: It was the 2nd of July,

and the Funkes had just finished

working off their water and phone debt.

I guess you earned your shower.

Ugh. This thing does not breathe.

I'll tell you who doesn't bitch like that, your son.

I'll give you 500 bucks cash for this youngin' right now.

NARRATOR: And maybe that's when Tobias learned

what it meant to be a father.

(indistinct mumbling)

(continues mumbling)

My son is not for sale.

Thanks, Dad.

MA BARK: Then shower's off. There's your wife.

Now you can both go.

Lindsay?

-Tobias? -DeBrie?

No, you were right the first time. Uh...

(whispering): I've been pretending to be Lindsay the past few months, on account of Marky's face blind.

But Marky's buying it.

You should hear him: "Oh, Lindsay, you've let yourself go.

Oh, Lindsay, why'd you stop showering?"

You're missing some back teeth, there.

Yeah. Just like that.

But I don't think I can be Lindsay anymore.

They're so critical.

And... I fall apart at criticism.

And Marky doesn't see me for who I really am.

I see you for who you are.

DeBrie Bardeaux.

A first-class Lindsay Bluth impersonator.

Now, let's go to Newport Beach, and you can be Lindsay there.

-Oh, I can't go back to Newport, -(engine starts)

'cause that's where Marky's headed right now, to protest the 2nd of July parade with a paint bomb.

-(car horn honking) -You know what?

I could go to Newport.

-Let's do it. -NARRATOR: And soon, preparations

for the 2nd of July parade

were underway.

We're 20 minutes from float-off.

Ugh, but at least nobody's noticed that the stair car's not here.

And that's when Sally arrived in a float

that would make sure they did notice.

Oh, hello.

What do you think of the new stair car?

I had to make one, because yours disappeared.

Sally Sitwell.

Well, you're no stranger to stuffing tissue places when you don't have the goods.

Well, what we don't have is the candidate that would've been Lindsay's opponent.

But we made one, and put her up top.

Although, she's not as hollow as your candidate.

Uh, where is she?

Uh, she went off somewhere to pretty herself up for the parade.

Aren't you in it, too?

Ticktock.

The sun is nobody's friend.

Speaking of which, where is that friendless son of yours,

Buster?

Is it true he's in prison?

Well, yes, in the Keystone Cops skit in your father's old role.

Something Buster had only discovered

-moments earlier. -Mr. Bluth, you're not on cleaning detail.

What?

Is this because I accidentally choked Ron Howard?

Because they already made me pay for that.

They chopped your hand off?

No, they just downgraded me to a manual.

Listen, I don't mean to namedrop, but Mother was supposed to have already arranged for me to follow the parade.

Sorry.

I got a note from the warden himself.

You're in a cage on a Keystone Cop float.

What?

You mean I'm in the parade? (gasps)

Are there dressing rooms for the talent?

Oh, well, at least Buster's being held.

Which is more than he had as a child.

NARRATOR: Sally wasn't that sweet after all.

When this is all over, let's get coffee.

(inhales)

And Tobias made sure his son was occupied

while DeBrie prepared for her role as Lindsay.

TOBIAS: I will leave you here and what could be more exciting than to be backstage

♪ At a parade? ♪

♪ ...ade. ♪

♪ Being watching the parade. ♪

No. With the curb huggers? No.

I meant, for one whose dream it is to be a clown.

Oh, yeah, 'cause he'd be, like,

"This is the one place where I'm not embarrassed of my dream."

Hey, no. Never apologize for your dream.

No. I was-I was making fun of the guy.

What guy?

Whose dream-- whose dream it is.

It's your dream.

We just talked about dreams, and you said you could unicycle and juggle.

Oh! That's because my uncle, he taught me that stuff, when he used to come over to cheer me up on Father's Day.

Robbie knows how to juggle?

Who's Robbie?

(laughing): Oh. Yes, of course.

You wouldn't know my brother.

Are you one of our parade clowns?

Me? No, I'm too shy.

No-- yes, yes, he... yes, he is. Yes.

T-This is, uh, Relucto, the apprehensive clown.

No, I'm not, where do you...

There's the catchphrase.

Let's get you into a chair.

Well, I-I bet right now, there's a very, very jealous fan out there who would-who would give anything to-to trade places with you and get up on that...

No, I can't, because I have to be her husband in that stupid Lindsay float.

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Meanwhile, Gob was second-guessing his float,

as he waited for Tony Wonder, who had yet to show up.

-Aw, damn it! -Hey, Gob, have you seen Mom?

No. Um, hey, how would you like to help me in a double-closet sexuality switch two-hander float illusion, no credit, no money? Oh, and you turn gay.

-I'll pass. -Yeah, that's what I thought of you.

Look, we're gonna pull out of here in five minutes, and Tony's not here; what if he doesn't show?

Gob, you'll be fine.

Do you remember high school commencement, when they asked you to represent all the kids that were being left back, and then you had to quickly find a replacement for Buster who was too afraid to be sawed in half?

So you're saying nothing's worse than the sound of the dog screaming?

No, I just meant you're not a very good magician.

And that's when Gob noticed a less discerning brother,

who also happened to be his former magician's assistant.

GOB: Hey.

-Hey. -Oh.

-Sup. Listen, I'm glad you're here. -Sup...

I might need you to fill in for Tony Wonder

-in my illusion. -Mm.

It's gonna involve you being put into a small, confined space, and you come out gay.

If that's a swipe about me being in prison, I understand it.

Oh, right, you're in prison.

What are you doing here?

Well, Mom arranged it.

Although, it is nice to be able to see family again, because, not to be rude,

-but you didn't visit me in... -Oh, there's a dog.

And Tobias and a nervous DeBrie

approached Lucille to pitch their deception.

Tobias, and if it isn't... what is it again?

-LeTrasha? -Hello, again.

Those last few teeth aren't going without a fight, are they?

-Mm, thank you. -So where's Lindsay?

-You said you had Lindsay. -TOBIAS: Yes.

But it turned out to be the professional actress DeBrie.

The only acting this one's good at is feigning interest in her drug dealer's hobbies.

You do see a lot of aquariums.

But she was coming off a three-month run as Lindsay in front of a sold-out audience of one face blind man.

The point is, if she can fool him, why not have her violate federal election guidelines by fooling the entire electorate as the next representative of the great 48th congressional district of Californ-i-ay?

Upon a float where, unless she gives a perfect performance, she goes to jail for fraud.

Fine. You've left me no choice.

Maybe if you turn away from the bleachers and cover your face with your hand...

I'm sure that's not the first time you've been told that.

Oh, God, no.

I can't do this. T-This is...

-TOBIAS: No, no, no. -...why I gave this up.

-DeBRIE: Shy. -No. No, you can.

-You can do this. -No.

-No, no, no. Shy. -You can't be this critical.

Not too shy, not shy. No-- happy, good.

(announcer speaking indistinctly)

Good, happy, not sad. Don't worry, Lucille.

I've got this covered.

I-- no, no, no. Shy.

-Sad, shy. Sad... -Just get her up there!

And so, the parade finally began.

Although, "finally" might not be the right word,

because it was still two days before the Fourth of July,

and one day before the big fireworks show on the 3rd.

Welcome to the third annual 2nd of July Fourth of July parade.

To start the festivities, please welcome the Milford Academy marching band, known throughout the state as California's quietest marching band.

Let's all be perfectly still and see if we can hear them.

("You're a Grand Old Flag" playing very faintly)

MICHAEL: There you are.

And Michael finally caught up

-with his mother. -Hello, Mother.

(gasps) Michael.

Please tell me you're back, no one new has been arrested and that your father is on the way, but first, a kiss.

-Hmm. -There are cameras everywhere.

Well, that... something you ought to have thought of with regard to Lucille 2 and Oscar in Mexico.

LUCILLE: I can't believe they were so stupid as to flee town

-in the stair car. -Mm-hmm. Mom?

Come on, you knew that Lucille 2 was with Oscar, and you let your son sit in prison instead of telling anyone.

Knew? Michael, I can't...

I mean, the thought that I wouldn't run to the D.A.

-(crying): the moment I-- -Mom. Please.

Do you have a tissue?

You haven't needed a tissue since Nixon resigned.

I think that you asked Oscar to take her out of town, didn't you?

I think that you needed her out of the country so that you could, what?

-Plunder her business? -Now, listen, nobody was hurt, everybody's getting what they deserve.

Buster's in prison.

No, he's in a parade.

He's just playing a prisoner.

At least, that's what it looks like to everyone here.

Look, I did what I had to do to save this family.

There are things you don't understand.

But he'll be out soon.

I did three years in prison because of Buster.

-He can do a few weeks for me. -Well, guess what?

He's gonna be out a little bit sooner than you think, because I'm gonna go to Lottie Dottie, and I'm gonna call her on this photo.

Michael, you stay away from that D.A.

She's a killer, despite what she may seem.

So, there's nothing you can do.

The D.A.'s office is closed until after the 5th.

Now, please. We're family.

You stay out of my life, I'll stay out of yours.

Hmm.

Thank you! Thank you!

I guess there is nothing that I can do, Mom.

JOHN (over speaker): You know, I-I have to believe--

I'm-I'm not sure that, uh...

JONI (over speaker): Yes?

I've just been given the signal.

Uh, the band is finished playing.

Ah, well, that's terrific.

I'm sure they were great.

Let's-let's give them all a big hand.

Oh, it might be too late for that.

Looks like their van just pulled out.

They will be neither seen nor heard next year.

NARRATOR: As it turned out...

Lottie Dottie was heavily guarded.

And that's when Michael,

who had done some light unicycling in college,

came up with a plan that just might make it

seem like he was part of the parade.

Hi. Excuse me?

-Do you mind if I... if I just... -Aah!

-Although a less complicated plan emerged. -Um...

JONI (over speaker): Looks like the D.A. guards

are leaving their post to tend to him.

This is gonna be less humiliating.

-(clown groaning) -Hi. Excuse me, Lottie!

Mrs. Dottie, I'm Michael Bluth.

Do you mind if I just parade with you for, uh, just a minute?

Oh, you must be Buster's brother. Hop in.

I am Buster's brother. Yes.

Oh, so how can I help you?

And please make sure to wave.

Huh? Yes. Hi.

Um, so, does the D.A.'s office make a regular practice of holding people under suspicion of murdering victims that are clearly still alive?

-Huh? -We're not holding him on murder charges.

It's a tampering case, right?

Yeah, well, if there's no crime, then what has he tampered with?

Lucille Austero's clearly alive after the moment that she disappeared.

You know? That-that's my uncle Oscar.

My-my mother just confirmed it.

Oh. And we couldn't find him, either, so the missing victim and the alibi and what we thought was the scene of the crime.

Yes. All here. All in one picture.

Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.

I mean, what can I do? How can I make this right?

Well, you gotta, you gotta release my brother from prison.

-We did. -Hmm?

-You did? -I mean, it has to be processed out, but he wanted to be in a parade.

MICHAEL: Oh. Well, he looks to be enjoying himself.

Okay, well, I'm glad that we talked this through, though.

-You know? This... -(chuckles) I'm so glad to have met you.

-Yeah? -I guess I should say I'm lucky

I didn't have to face you in a court of law.

Maybe someday we will.

Yeah, I mean, if it turns out that's not really Oscar and Lucille in the picture.

-Right. Yes. And you find a crime scene. -(chuckles)

I-I've injured a clown. You don't want to hurt a clown.

So I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna help the clown.

-Good-bye -Be careful.

Oh! (chuckles)

Next up is a double-closet sexuality switch two-hander float illusion, brought to you by our friends at Laguna Closets.

NARRATOR: But with Tony still missing,

Gob, hurt and alone,

was forced to use his weakest talent:

Hey, does anyone have a dog? I...

...thinking on his feet.

GOB: No?

Oh, forget it.

So, I guess, happy 4th. Nah, well...

JOHN: Well, the magician seems to be just standing there, doing nothing.

JONI: Ah... you get used to it.

It appeared that Tony had missed the parade,

but whether he did so intentionally was something

Gob was just beginning to wonder.

TONY: Did somebody say...

-"wonder"? -(cheering, applause)

Tony?

You sinner.

He's Gob, the Christian magician.

And he's Tony Wonder, the hot gay one.

And as a Christian magician,

I know that gay people can change.

And as the hot gay one, I know we can't, "girlfriend."

-(laughter) -GIRL: I love you, Tony!

Except, in the world of...

-magic. -Magic.

("The Final Countdown" playing)

And so, the two men began their double-closet sexuality switch

two-hander float illusion, surrounded by paid protestors

meant to depict both sides of a culture war

that kind of ended a few years ago, didn't it?

-♪ ♪ -GOB: Tony...

Here we go.

♪ ♪

JOHN: Well, it looks like the straight magician is going into a messy closet, and the gay magician, well, he's going into one that's neat as a pin.

Kind of thought you weren't gonna show.

TONY: Hey, man, look.

I know you're still upset. All right?

I screwed up, okay?

I know we were supposed to hang out and see each other on the Fourth of May and take Forget-Me-Nows and...

I just chickened out, man.

Plus, there wasn't a fourth of May this year.

Crowd.

-♪ ♪ -(cheering)

Look, I felt bad about the whole thing.

I mean, you said this was an important gig and I figured I had to show.

Yeah, well, the truth is this was never about the gig.

I did this whole thing just to see you one last time.

Wow.

Well, the truth is, for me,

I kind of did the same thing for you.

I mean, I just wanted the chance to see you one last time and say good-bye.

Crowd!

♪ ♪

If you really feel that way, maybe we don't have to say good-bye.

What do you mean?

I mean, the problem was, like you said, that we couldn't be together without branding each other's taint.

No, it's, uh, tainting each other's brand, but same dif.

Dif.

BOTH: Same.

-Same dif. -But if this...

Oh, I thought you were gonna... You're gonna say one more?

Nah, it's okay. We don't have to always be in sync all of...

BOTH: Crowd!

♪ ♪

(sighs) Look, what I'm saying is,

if this trick goes off like I think and the yahoos in the stands don't realize that

(over speaker): all we're doing is just folding some clothes

and slipping through our trapdoors

and crawling under the float

-to switch closets, then... -TONY: Right.

When you come sashaying out like Ms. Berry Zuckerkorn...

And you're as straight as Bob Loblaw at

-a high school prom. (chuckles) -I don't know who that is.

Oh, he's an attorney we were forced to use one year and he...

I guess he likes them young.

But, uh, we pull this off and we got a show, man.

We could hit the road together. You know?

Hotels and... share a room...

Yeah. Um...

there's only one problem with your plan.

I don't have a trapdoor in here.

What? Oh.

Oh, come on! So we're just two men who went into a closet and changed coats?

All right. Well, this is an audience of people

too stupid to get out of town on a holiday weekend.

They're not gonna expect the thing to take a twist.

NARRATOR: But another twist had been planned

-that Gob knew nothing about. -GOB: So we'll just, you know,

we'll pull one from the old magic playbook.

We'll sell it with our smiles.

By the way, I can't wait to see you out there.

Same!

♪ ♪

Who's straight now?

(cheering)

I wonder if my friend straightened out his act.

-♪ Free ♪ -♪ Free ♪

♪ Free at last ♪

-♪ Free at last ♪ -Tony, get out here, man.

♪ Talking 'bout freedom ♪

-Tony. -♪ Freedom... ♪

-What the...? -♪ Free, free at last... ♪

JOHN (over speaker): Laguna Closet Conversion

wants me to make it clear that, well,

their conversion service is not what you think.

They convert closets...

NARRATOR: And George Sr. caught up with his wife.

I'd offer you a seat, but this is a new purse.

I'm actually good here.

ANNOUNCER: And, after talking politics...

So did we-we get Lindsay?

If you squint.

We may just get away with this, George.

You know, it might be the-the last drop of the estrogen speaking, but I, uh...

(crying): I lost the land in Mexico.

-What? How? -I...

I missed some payments and then, uh, the-the Mexican Romneys, they showed up and they took it back.

And they said, "No refundo."

And they speak English.

They're-they're Mexican, but they are Romneys.

-George, without that land our whole plan falls apart.

-I know.

The Chinese will expect Lindsay to support a wall

-we can't afford to build. -Right.

She has to lose.

-She has to lose. -Yeah.

Damn it, George. Why didn't you tell me that at the cottage?

It happened in Mexico.

I mean, when you came back.

I just, I just came back.

I was parking the Winnie.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find five open spaces

-on parade day? -JOHN: Well, here now

is congressional candidate Lindsay Bluth.

Oh, no. Here comes her float.

People are going to love it.

NARRATOR: In fact, DeBrie, fearful and self-conscious,

was hiding from the crowd,

ironically embodying the person

she was meant to impersonate.

She does capture Lindsay.

I'm not sure what she's, uh, trying to say, John.

She wants to keep Muslims out of America?

Or in?

Well, they're certainly getting a rise out of this crowd.

NARRATOR: It was message that was easily interpreted

through the lens of one's particular bias...

She's a Muslim.

She's disrespecting Muslims.

She's a ghost.

She's disrespecting ghosts.

NARRATOR: ...but equally hated by all.

We may just get away with this, George.

And George Michael arrived looking to finally be honest

-with his father. -MICHAEL: Oh, George Michael.

-George Michael. Hey. -Dad, hey.

-Hi, hey. -Hey, hey. Listen, um... you know that picture of the two people in the stair car?

Do I know it?

I just used it to get Buster out. Okay?

I didn't go through channels. I didn't ask Barry.

I just fixed it, you know?

You got to be straight with people.

Nothing bad can ever come of that.

That's me and Maeby.

What is "me and Maeby"?

In the picture.

This is a bald man and a woman with spiky, black hair.

Well, I'm not proud of this, but we... we were wearing the Ron Howard/Brian Grazer wigs from the Imagine gift shop.

♪ ♪

That's you? Why would you do that?

Uh, we were playing.

What were you playing-- Ron and Brian?

-Go to Mexico. -What's that?

Ron and Brian Go to Mexico.

Was the name of the game?

We were bored. You don't get it.

Well, I knew it was a bad idea to spend my Imagine bucks on those wigs.

You've got the stair car, though.

The cops were looking for it. You found it?

It was right next to the house after Cinco.

Dad, listen. I think you better go to the D.A. and be straight with her about this.

Should I tell her that my son and my niece were playing Ron and Brian?

Go to Mexico.

Go to Mexico? No.

I'm not telling her that.

She seems, uh, very happy now and-and Buster is almost free.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I shouldn't have told you the truth.

No, no.

But I do think that we should make a one-time exception to the rule "Always be straight with everyone," hmm?

I mean, honesty is always the best policy, but, uh...

It's just not the only one.

It's one of a bunch.

NARRATOR: But unfortunately for Michael,

the man who is supposed to be with Lucille 2 in Mexico

wasn't that far away after all

and had a plan of his own

to make it seem like he, too, was part of the parade.

A plan that we've decided to present in the style

-to which it harkens back. -(piano music playing)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

NARRATOR: It was.

NARRATOR: Maeby finds the man she had previously tried

to get away from horribly injured.

I never even got the chance to tell him.

It's over.

I'm breaking up with you.

Oh, and I need your keys.

NARRATOR: Buster, unaware that he has

only a few days left in jail,

-What's happening? -is also unaware

he's part of a prison break...

-It's, uh, part of the act. -Oh.

Anything for the kids.

...and risks 30 years for the crime.

BUSTER: The parade really starts thinning out around here.

NARRATOR: Gob, abandoned and confused,

can't get back in the closet.

It seems as if the Christian-y fellow is now a gay man, and by the looks of things,

-he'll be staying that way. -Tony. Tony.

JOHN: What a surprise.

-Yeah, not to me. -GOB: Tony!

NARRATOR: Sally, all but sure to win,

visits Stan in the hospital.

It's called safety hair.

Practically undetectable.

They tell me John Travolta wears his even when it isn't hailing.

No, no, no. Some clowns throws so much as a peach pit at you, it clanks and everybody knows.

No, you want to keep me safe, let's build that wall.

Those Bluths are dangerous, I'm telling you.

Yeah, I guess they do have us by the short wigs.

NARRATOR: And Tobias desperately tries not to lose

-his most recent Lindsay. -Help! Please! We need a doctor!

It's an emergency. Hi. It's us again. Help!

Did you redo the floors here?

Help, we need a doctor.

Oh!

It's okay. She's usually on pain pills.

Ugh. I'm gonna call it.

Looks like she's been stiff for about 18 hours.

Oh, no, no. She's very much alive.

She just crashed through a papier-mâché wall.

DeBRIE: I'm under the impression that if you're carried in they put you immediately on the morphine drip?

-That's what we've been told before. -Okay, look.

-We prioritize according to need. -Of course.

-Here. -Oh, okay. All right.

Help! Please! It's a higher priority emergency!

Help!

Oh, bullshit you didn't redo these floors.

They look amazing. (chuckles)

Help!

I got to stop coming out this way.