Home > Arrested Development

The Parent Traps

[narrator] Michael Bluth had finally made good on his threat to go to Phoenix

and even though the Phoenix he went to was online,

he still enjoyed the full law school experience

by living in a dorm room while doing so.

George Michael, what is my log-on password again?

His son George Michael's senior year dorm room

at the University of California, Irvine.

What have we always said is the most important thing?

I have tried "family." It does not work for me.

No, privacy.

No one should have your password but you. I shouldn't even know it.

Yes, you've made that point.

Have I?

My point is, we have no secrets from each other.

We know everything there is to know about each other. We're like twins.

I don't see us as twins.

Yeah? You name me one way in which we're different.

[George Michael] I think you tend to be better at feeling like you belong places.

[Michael] Do I?

Well, I want you to start feeling like you belong places.

Look at that guy. He thinks he's a musician.

You've got to start having a little bit better sense of humor about yourself.

Look at me. People say I don't age.

"Hey, look at that guy. He's got the hair of a teenager."

And I say, "Take your best shot," because I think that that's a good thing because I'm self-effacing.

I want you to be able to do that.

It's hard to be self-effacing when you're a perfect specimen of rugged manlessness.

No, you can't hear this, but we're gonna work on it.

That's why I'm living in your dorm.

But it wasn't the only reason.

Years earlier, after securing funding

to build the housing development Sudden Valley,

{\an8}the economy suddenly went into a valley itself.

Business dried up immediately

and desperate to cover his copious building loans...

Just till I get on my feet.

...Michael returned to the woman he could count on

to put off his downfall...

I got you!

...even though he was soon put off which caused her to fall down.

That's a hot mess.

But weeks stretched into months

and although there was the occasional knock on the door,

it was seldom a viable buyer.

And it's hard to say whether it was this

that made him lose hope...

Love each other.

Pete!

...or the death of that mailman.

Come on.

Wait here.

Hang on, Pete!

I got one bar!

But Michael finally gave up.

-Hey. -Dad!

I thought we'd have Thanksgiving here for your senior year.

I don't have a kitchen.

These are my clothes.

Pete died.

I thought you were living here because you had nowhere else to go.

Yeah, and because you had this big double room to yourself because of your name.

{\an8}The name George Michael did create confusion in the campus housing office.

This guy's name is actually George Michael.

No, it's two different guys. They're twins, ugly.

We should sign them up for Twin Club.

And let's give them the big handicap room.

Yeah, that's the other thing.

I kind of wanted to use this time to almost kind of wean off of the name George Michael.

What?

I don't know, you know, you get older, you do a something search of your own name.

And in George Michael's case, you find this.

{\an8}It was in this men's room in, get this, Beverly Hills,

{\an8}that singer George Michael was arrested

{\an8}for soliciting sex from an undercover cop.

It was your mother's idea to call you George Michael.

I think it was just so that we didn't confuse you with your uncle George or your grandfather George.

-Right. -I got it. Let's call you Boy George.

{\an8}Singer Boy George in the news again today,

{\an8}this time for sexual assault in a men's public bathroom.

{\an8}Beatrix Hebberly-Sneed, Wee BBC Two.

I think I'll just stick with George Michael.

Great choice.

At least it was consensual.

Now the story of what happened

{\an8}when the one man who was holding his family together

finally let go

{\an8}and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

{\an8}It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

Michael was living in his son's dorm

{\an8}to help him become more self-effacing.

{\an8}I guess the bigger point I'm making

{\an8}is just that it's hard to have any privacy,

{\an8}now that they've stuck me with an actual roommate.

{\an8}Well, listen, I'm all for kicking P-Hound out. You know that.

{\an8}You know, I didn't really mean privacy from him.

I know.

{\an8}You want your space from me?

{\an8}Look, listen, hey, look, listen.

{\an8}Listen, look it. Are you listening?

{\an8}You want your space. I get it.

{\an8}I did not mean to crowd you, pal.

{\an8}Listen, I thought that this was fun, and it is okay if you didn't see it that way.

{\an8}Buddy, it's not like I don't have someplace to go.

{\an8}I'll go back to the model home.

{\an8}They don't have Internet there, so I'll just put the law school on pause.

{\an8}It's not the first time I've done that.

{\an8}Last time I did that, you were born.

{\an8}Screw it. Maybe I'll just go to the real Phoenix and finish school.

{\an8}They got one in Costa Mesa. Plus they want me for an article.

{\an8}Media wants to talk to Daddy about the real-estate business.

{\an8}Once they do that, I'm gonna be right back on top.

{\an8}This is your school rally shirt.

{\an8}Same size, medium. Do you know where mine is?

{\an8}We wear the same size, like twin...

{\an8}We're just like twins, couple of identical--

{\an8}Dad, no, I...

{\an8}Look, I was not talking about privacy from you per se.

{\an8}I was talking about... my software.

What's that?

It's privacy software. That's why the word came up.

It's not why the word came up,

but George Michael was writing code

{\an8}for a block software with his roommate

{\an8}that was proving challenging,

both because of online threats to his privacy

and some in-room threats to his privacy as well.

Buddy, is that schoolwork?

We're just in the middle of--

Good. Give me the lappy. I'll hit "save" for you.

I got to Skype with my adviser in Phoenix.

If I don't get on right now,

he's gonna have to Skype me from a TGI Fridays.

Yeah.

'Cause that hurt for a second. I was like, "He wants me to go."

-God, no. -But no. Yeah? No.

-No. -Software.

No, I mean, yeah, I may need some privacy to work on it and that might mean...

...you going.

You mean here. Yeah, clearing out.

An hour here, there. Yes? Got it. Not a problem.

You give me a little fair warning, I clear right out of here.

Let's schedule it now.

I need help with the calendar, though. It's, like, stuck on 2003.

-Help me break into-- -You just hit "Today."

-The "Today" button. -It's stuck in 2003, so I don't have "Today." I need to jump forward.

George Michael was trying to get used to living with his father...

Anyway, I'm just gonna run downstairs and grab a bite.

I want to go.

Let me go. I'll go. I'm hungry. Come on.

...as Buster dealt with losing his mother

after missing her trial at which she received a prison sentence

of three to five years.

Good luck with your night terrors.

Now no one will be there to hear your screams!

Although spending some money

would make Lucille's hard time a little softer...

Hello! Oh, Mrs. Bluth is here, for stealing the Queen Mary.

...as it made her eligible for one of the so-called country club prisons

that had become popular after the Enron debacle.

You want to go here, so you're gonna take this hallway to the elevators, then you want to--

Slow down. You sound like the end of a Cymbalta commercial.

Even the lifers get confused.

But even though it was a nice prison, it was still prison.

...choice of fresh scent, sport, or floral for your delousing.

Also, if you're sexually assaulted by a guard, press "seven" on your phone.

If you go through the front desk, it'll take forever.

But in her absence, Buster couldn't bear the thought of living alone.

My mother's gone away and I thought you've always been like a...

-Girlfriend. -Not what I was gonna say!

Anyways, I was over there and my friend's over here and I thought, "Maybe I should just move in," because I love to hear all about your medications and ailments and whatnot.

Is that baby toe of yours still crawling over the others like a weird weed?

Buster, how sweet of you to remember.

It's one of my night terrors.

But listen, Buster, before I invite you into my arms, my bedroom, my bathtub with the railing,

I have to ask you something.

Are you ready to let go of your mother?

Buster thought he was, although there was one ominous sign.

I am ready for that, Lucille.

Did you hear it?

Wait. Did you just drop the "Two" after my name?

I hope not.

That would be creepy.

It was.

Buster wasn't the only Bluth who was ready to make a real commitment.

Runaway groom Gob Bluth was ready, too, beginning with an amends...

You humiliated me.

You made a mockery of my religion and you ruined our wedding.

...by performing an escape act

that resulted in him trapped in a storage unit for weeks

where he had something of an epiphany.

[folksy man] If you don't open up and let someone else in, the treasures you have inside will never come out and you'll never be happy.

We have money to start our life together.

Now we have our nest egg... Ann.

Now we have our nest, Ann.

I'm ready to settle.

Marry me.

I'm leaving you, Gob I don't love you anymore.

I feel sorry for you and you're gonna be alone forever unless you let the Holy Ghost inside you.

The Holy...

[stutters]

You know what? I hope you read this.

[narrator] Maybe it was the fact that he had nothing in his system

but two weeks of candy vines,

but it did get through to him.

Steve!

It's me.

I wanted to let you know that I'm ready to...

...let the son of Gob enfold me.

Obviously it's me, your fa--

[phone beeps]

And as Gob reached out to a son he could have been closer to,

Michael held on to the one he couldn't have.

Gettable, right?

Tell me about the software thing. This is the Faceblock thing you were working on?

Is it like Facebook?

No, it's kind of the opposite of Facebook, you know.

Facebook connects you with everyone and this blocks you from everyone.

Kind of like The Anti-Social Network, right?

-That's very good. -You can use it.

I don't understand the Internet stuff.

You give me all the parts and you tell me to build a television set,

I can bang that out, but I can't get the right day to display on my calendar.

Just press "Today."

I just tried that. Doesn't work on mine.

But Michael had big plans to salvage his own career.

...because once they come out with that article on me in that in-flight magazine, the family's gonna be right back on top.

The guy's doing a whole spread on me.

-In-flight magazine? -Yeah.

It's called Altitude. It's for OutWest Airlines.

Next to SkyMall, the number two most read in all of coach.

Well, three with the safety card, but get a lot of attention for Sudden Valley.

And then with your Internet company, we're gonna have two businesses.

You know? And yours sounds like such a natural.

No one likes to share their identity.

-Right. -Give me your meal plan card.

I'm gonna run in there, grab a tray, you run around back, make sure you get there in time before my hand stamp dries, okay? Here we go.

And as George Michael contemplated how to get distance from a parent...

...Buster worked on getting closer to one.

Buster Bluth and pie for his... Lucille Bluth.

Every day, he visited her.

And every day, she refused to see him.

No.

-She doesn't want to see you. -Excellent.

She wouldn't forgive him for missing her trial.

And they had grown too far apart.

But you don't win three Motherboy Awards without persistence.

And a flair for costuming.

Alex Trebek?

She then rephrased it in the form of a question.

Who is Alex Trebek?

Buster.

No, Buster.

But the answer was always no.

Do you have a pie or a small sponge cake available?

Here you go.

While Buster cried in his pie,

Michael was flying high about his in-flight magazine piece.

You are kidding me! They're gonna be in seat backs today? That is great news.

It would get him out of living in his son's dorm.

I'm putting up a wall.

We need to rework our whole system here.

Sounds like you're working on your privacy software.

-Hey. How'd you find me? -Trang's grandfather.

Boy, shoot me if I'm 86, living in my grandson's dorm!

Pal, good news.

The article they did on me in Altitude magazine comes out today.

Can I see it?

Probably doesn't have it. Try finding a flight at this time of the year.

Ever even been on a plane, you piece of [bleep]?

So can I see it?

It is not in the terrestrial news stands just yet.

Guess what, though? You, my friend, are in the article.

-I'm in it? -You're in it.

I mentioned that I'm living in your dorm.

I thought it might help with your popularity problem.

Well, I'm gonna get going while the room is empty.

Great. See you later.

Boy, that's got to drive you crazy.

The reason you came to the computer lab was for privacy.

No wonder you can't get a real girl up there.

Michael was referring to something he'd walked in on a few days earlier.

P-Hound!

There's a girl in there.

There is?

Where the hell is George Michael?

-Excuse me. Hello. -Dad!

-Hi. -Yeah, there's nobody in here.

Buddy, bad news. P-Hound is yanking our chain again.

-Uncle Michael. -Oh, my God.

-Hi. -Hello there.

There is a kind of girl here. Didn't say it was your cousin.

-Hey. -He doesn't know.

Now, that's smart. Let him think there's a girl in here.

Actually, we've been talking about how crowded that room is and P-Hound was suggesting that maybe we do a vote to see who stays in the dorm room.

He suggested that? Are you serious?

The thing is that the room is only sanctioned for two.

Right, and we have a vote. He's gone in two seconds.

Two against one, right?

-Well, actually-- -We got to do it.

The thing is that it kind of puts me in an awkward position.

-Hi. -Hey.

Since there's only three people voting, everyone's gonna know who voted against who.

What about if your "girlfriend" wants to move in?

That way, she gets a vote.

I'm just here for tutoring.

Not my girlfriend. She's my cousin.

-I'm not attracted to him. -Why's that even an issue?

P-Hound doesn't know any of that stuff.

Okay? He'll just think that her vote's the vote that got him out.

Wouldn't my girlfriend want to get rid of my father?

-I'm not your girlfriend. -But he doesn't know that.

Someone's got to vote for me, otherwise, it's suspicious.

We don't want a palace coup, right?

Well, I'll vote you out.

-Yeah, I will. -I wouldn't make you do that.

Then I fall down the stairs and you feel bad about yourself your whole life.

And perhaps it was the chair

that fooled Michael into thinking his next idea was a good one.

What if I vote myself out?

You'd do that?

How would that help?

It's simple algebra.

You two vote against P-Hound, nobody knows who did what because there's a vote against me in there and it's, "Adiós, brothiero." It cannot fail.

Michael was pleased with his plan.

Won't that make it a tie?

Briefly.

I mean, if the two of us vote against P-Hound and you and P-Hound vote against you, then it's two against two, right?

Wow, you think that he'd vote against me? I mean...

All right, new plan.

The details of the plan continued to develop through lunch.

So we got two scenarios.

It's either two votes against P-Hound, one vote against Maeby, one against me, with that vote being my own, or if it's two votes against me, then clearly P-Hound is being nasty.

That triggers a recount, then it's a P-Hound blitz.

We all vote against P-Hound, he's gone.

-What if whoever loses... -Yeah?

...refuses to go?

You think P-Hound would do that?

Okay, new plan.

And so the planning continued

through what should have been Organic Chemistry.

We all pack ahead of time, really pack a bag, so it doesn't look rigged.

And then the loser, straight out the door. I mean, that's the deal.

That's the cost of having a vote, that's the price of freedom.

Maybe it's better if we're all just direct with each other, you know?

Just say what's on our minds.

Yeah, I think it's gonna come out anyway.

Dad, you know, I've really loved living with you--

No talking.

No talking once the votes come in. You're out the door. That's the missing piece.

That's it. This plan is foolproof.

I've cherished this, too, pal.

Yeah. I mean, how many fathers get to go to college with their kid?

While Buster's days were spent trying to get his mother to love him,

his nights were consumed with getting his lover to mother him.

Just in time. I hope you are in the mood for a hot tomato.

Soup? With little grilled cheese sandwiches on the side?

Buster, that was innuendo.

My Lord, it's like we're speaking different languages here.

No, it's not. It is working.

I'm getting hungry.

For love?

No. Is this another one of those nights where nothing is as it seems and there's no cream pie for dessert?

Holy Toledo, Buster, sometimes I think I'm nothing but a Horn & Hardart to you.

What happened to innuendo? Let's do it quick.

It's an old restaurant.

A restaurant? I don't care if it's old. Look who I'm dating!

Let's go there now.

Buster, you can either be a son or a lover.

And right now, you're no good to me as a lover.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe this has been wrong from the start.

So, Mom...

Out!

Buster was being kicked out which was the same fate

that Michael had in mind for his son's other roommate, P-Hound.

And he prepared to put his scheme to work.

He read his own vote first.

First vote to remove...

Michael.

What are you gonna do?

Second vote to remove...

Michael.

Michael expected this, but didn't expect the sting.

Obviously, if there's a tie, there's an immediate runoff.

Third vote to remove...

Michael.

Did you mean to write "George Michael"?

Obviously, the verdict was in.

And it's hard to know exactly why Michael opened the fourth ballot.

Was it out of hope or confusion?

Either way, it couldn't be what he wanted to read.

Michael did the only thing he could think of that would save face.

On the next Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

[man] If tomorrow, you don't open up and let someone else in,

then the treasures you have inside

may never come out.

This is my Motherboy Four medal.

[narrator] With nowhere to live, Buster tries to raise some money...

What'll you give me?

...only to discover he's not the first Motherboy to hit hard times.

What will you give me for these?

All-time low.

And he gets a bit of inspiration.

She certainly seems proud of her son.

So Buster returns to the only other mother he had ever known.

I'm back!