Home > Arrested Development

The Weak Become the Strong

[narrator] At the Father B Colony Retreat,

sweat 'n' squeeze guru George Sr. was growing more empowered every day,

while his twin brother Oscar was bushed.

Hey, Oscar, that scared me.

Come on, man, get back in there. I was starting to sweat.

[narrator] Which was Oscar's job, for he had been masquerading as George Sr.

during the sweat phase of the retreat

and then switching places with George Sr., who'd focus on the squeeze.

I was willing to spend $10,000 for just a sip of this lemonade.

Fifteen!

I'm just trying to get my strength up.

Maca usually gets me there. Hey, chew some maca with me.

I can't, okay? I gotta go up to see Lucille tomorrow.

[narrator] Whom he'd been meeting under the pretense of working on their divorce.

-Fifteen minutes for prisoner visits. -You look nice.

Stop trying to butter me up and let's just get this divorce agreed to so you can get out of here.

-[narrator] But the divorce was a sham. -It's almost like adultery this way.

Good, I like that.

-My wife doesn't understand me. -My husband doesn't satisfy me.

Oh! I haven't had an orgasm outside of my bathtub in 30 years.

How's that?

[Oscar] Although at times I do wish it were darker.

It's too bad you don't have time to try this. Yesterday...

I was talking to a lizard, and it turned into Elizabeth Taylor.

Young Elizabeth Taylor?

Yeah.

Yeah, I could use some maca. Give me some of that.

[narrator] And soon a vision did appear.

I wonder what's going on. For some reason, I'm just getting Richard Burton today.

Oh, my God, what's that?

That's the commode. Are you at all concerned that the maca bush is directly downhill from that?

[narrator] He should have been, but Oscar was actually referring to

what now appeared to be a divine spirit

personified as an ostrich.

You trespass on sacred ground.

The spirits command me to warn you you must leave this land, or the land will change you.

Don't worry, he's probably from a local reservation.

I'll take care of this. How about you book me two nights for Ray Romano at your casino?

The strong will become the weak, the weak will become the strong.

And get us close to the front, but not close enough that Ray talks to us.

You have been warned.

I don't know what you saw, but I got an ostrich and no boner.

{\an8}[narrator] Now the story of what happened

{\an8}when the one man who was holding his family together

finally let go

and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

{\an8}It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

{\an8}Even though it was only 100 miles from her hometown of Newport Beach,

{\an8}the desert created a whole new value system for Lindsay Bluth.

{\an8}I'd give $20,000 for a lemonade right now.

{\an8}[narrator] For the most part.

{\an8}It was here that she'd moved with her activist boyfriend...

Marky! Mommy needs mescaline!

{\an8}[narrator] ...and his mother.

{\an8}And tell your girlfriend DeBrie to shovel that ostrich crap.

{\an8}It's not DeBrie, Ma Bark, it's Lindsay.

{\an8}-I just cut off my hair. -I know who you are.

Now, start shoveling.

God, you're lazier than Lindsay.

{\an8}And she was finding it worse than life with her own mother.

{\an8}Marky, hurry! There's another dead iguana.

What does this mean?

It's probably those bastards next door.

{\an8}They want us off their land.

{\an8}Probably so they can build a border wall.

{\an8}They just wanna separate the whites from the browns.

{\an8}You really are colorblind.

{\an8}Face-blind.

{\an8}Fortunately, I can see color.

{\an8}That's how I can tell the browns are the Mexicans.

[narrator] The bastards, unbeknownst to Lindsay or the face-blind Marky,

were led by George Sr.,

{\an8}who despite appearing to care about saving the way of life

-for Oscar and his desert coterie... -What if I were to buy this land?

{\an8}...was the real reason George Sr. bought the property.

{\an8}...not by being the biggest businessman in Southern California, it's--

{\an8}It's by being the best brother in Southern California.

{\an8}[narrator] It was also the reason that Marky had just put a fake curse on him.

{\an8}The weak will become the strong.

I thought I scared those bastards off.

But to kill an innocent iguana, this beautiful creature of the desert--

Lizard bastard! It bit me!

Who keeps numbing these desert animals?

{\an8}No, we'll kill it later. Mom, lizard bite.

{\an8}[Mom] Put some rubbing mescaline on it.

{\an8}[narrator] Lindsay hated her new life, but even more,

{\an8}she hated herself for hating her new life.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

{\an8}I'm surrounded by squalor and death, and I still can't be happy.

{\an8}It's only gonna get worse, 'cause they're chasing us off the land.

Where are we gonna go?

Hey, new girl, I just heard about your mother's trial.

She was sent away.

[narrator] Lindsay had missed her own mother's trial,

and for that she'd never be able to forgive her--

Hey, I know a place that just opened up.

[narrator] ...herself.

And as they snuck into the Balboa Towers,

Marky was uneasy about living what appeared to be a lavish lifestyle.

[Lindsay] What do you think?

-It smells weird in here. What is that? -I think it's just... not urine.

And we're not moving in, we're occupying a space with central air.

[woman screams]

{\an8}-Cindy? -[narrator] It was also being occupied

{\an8}by Lindsay's own daughter...

[Lindsay] What do you think?

[narrator] ...whom Lindsay believed was living with her father...

[Lindsay] We're not moving in, we're...

[narrator] ...and Marky believed was an ostrich.

Are you okay?

Look, Lindsay, Cindy already marked the master.

All right, this'll be where she goes.

So, we're staying, and we will change the world and hold our heads high.

And it might be nice to live like normal people for a change.

Let's put some newspaper on these windows.

[narrator] And like Maeby, another Bluth right across the hall

had just come close to being exposed with a mother.

Out.

[narrator] And since his own mother refused to see him,

Buster went back to an old family.

I'm back!

[narrator] As it turned out, Buster returned on the very day

the army policy regarding sexual orientation had changed.

-Are you gay? -No.

-You can tell me. -I'm not.

It's okay. Drew, tell him.

I'm gay. Peters is gay.

Sgt. Melnick's gay.

Bye.

Oh, sorry, he's bi.

-No, I'm going home for the day. I'm gay. -It really makes no difference to us.

-We'll find something for you. -Perfect.

I was looking for something.

You said "something," right?

[narrator] And that's how Buster officially found "something."

{\an8}It had been a year since George Sr. had received

{\an8}Marky's make-believe ancient tribal curse.

Who would like some lemonade for $2,000?

[narrator] But in many ways, the strong was becoming the weak.

Come on, guys. I looked the other way on the bottled water because you look thirsty, but you gotta play along here. Heartfire.

Where's the lemonade?

[narrator] That same year had brought less change to Lindsay's life...

other than getting the not-urine smell out of the penthouse.

You're looking at Lindsay. Still Lindsay.

Oh. Hey, Linds. How was beg?

Beg was good. I found some tres leches cake.

-That's great. -Did you clean up?

No, I just cleared out a space to work on the Love bomb.

Okay, I'll change out of these filthy clothes and into some filthy lingerie.

-I don't think I washed it. -No.

I meant what we're gonna do to this guy. Herbert Love.

Oh.

[narrator] Herbert Love was a very conservative candidate

for a very conservative seat

in the very conservative House of Representatives.

The two women who accused me of this crime do not have a great sense of humor.

In fact, I'll tell you the joke and let you be the judge.

[narrator] Although he was prone

to the more-than-occasional harassment scandal.

I forgot the joke.

Oh, he's about to be harassed, all right.

I'm gonna spray the bastards with ink and glitter at his big fundraising event this week.

It'll be in their ears for weeks.

Thing is, I can't find the glitter anywhere.

-Did you take the silver glitter? -No. I'd say check the junk drawer, but I can't differentiate anymore.

Oh, God. What is this?

Oh, okay. Good, perfect timing, because this is where you come in.

A lot of this has to do with ink compression, oxygen capacity, expulsion pressures, but the point is... three days before the event, I'm gonna take the explosive

-and hide in the podium. -[scoffs]

On the night of the event, at exactly 7:30,

I'm gonna pull the pin to the tank.

Then you're gonna knock on the podium door to let me know that the coast is clear.

When Love steps up to the podium at exactly eight o'clock, blam!

The podium doors burst open and he and everyone will be--

Blue in the face, yep.

That's better than what I had.

I was gonna say they'd be covered in ink and glitter.

Or we could support Lucille 2, who he's running against.

[narrator] Lucille 2 was indeed Herbert Love's opponent in that race,

and although she denied it was the reason

for her adopting an Hispanic high school student,

it was undeniable that she knew what cultural buttons to push

to win their hearts.

No, she's part of the problem!

Wait, you haven't been going over there?

-No one can know we're here. -Of course not.

Does it look like I'm lying?

[narrator] It did.

But not to a man with face blindness.

No, I guess not.

{\an8}[narrator] Because Lindsay could only spend so many hours

{\an8}with a shrill feathered creature.

You look marvelous in that!

Look.

God, I can't believe how much I've missed the feel of anything that isn't hemp.

And try this.

Isn't that funny? I used to wear that with the captain.

-And I was... -Tennille?

And not make eye contact, yes!

What am I going to do, cut it down for my foster child?

Oh, look what I made you.

Oh, I love it.

It's glittery, like me.

[narrator] Lindsay was no stranger to making campaign posters,

{\an8}having made several

in her seventh grade class president campaign against Sally Sitwell.

Sally ultimately proved successful, with a more fact-based campaign.

A couple of tiny notes, honey. There are two S in "congress," and I just call myself--

-Lucille 1, I'm so sorry. -No, just Lucille.

But I love it.

Oh, I wish you'd officially work for my campaign.

We could make such a difference.

Marky says that's not the way we should make change.

Oh, speaking of, do you mind if I go through your couch cushions?

I'm sort of playing hooky from beg.

Honey, I wish you'd take the rest of this tres leches cake.

It's from a dear Hispanic supporter and I'll never get it into the bay in one piece.

Honestly, Lucille 2, you've been like a mother to me.

Except kind and loving and willing to let me eat.

[narrator] Lindsay knew she had to keep her secret life of luxury hidden...

You're looking at Lindsay. Still Lindsay.

[narrator] ...from an anti-everything boyfriend

who was preparing to squat in a podium for three days with a paint bomb.

...just to throw a pie at Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I never heard about that.

Yeah, well, the press tried to spin it as,

"Hippy tries to play pie tin Frisbee with the governor," but... this time I'm eating beforehand.

Yeah, I see that. Hey, can I get you a fork,

'cause that's my brother whose face you're licking.

That's a face?

-Everything I do is wrong. -Oh.

I knew you wouldn't be on board with this. I'm sorry to say this,

-but you are losing your passion. -What passion?

You don't even look at me. I don't know if I've said this before, it's not important or anything, but I am really, really pretty.

I'm the straightest guy you know!

Why does every man feel like they have to say that to me?

Quiet, Cindy's in heat! You know how much she hates it when we argue.

Listen to me. This protest of mine could really make a difference.

-It's gonna land you in jail. -Oh, there it is.

Yeah, so that's it. You know what?

You are just as selfish and money-hungry as you ever were. Yes, you are.

That's not true. Ooh, a Neiman's catalog.

[narrator] But it was what she found stuck inside the catalog that got her attention.

"From Gangie for Facelift."

What a load of...

-Mother! -[narrator] But after a year

of not hearing from a youngest son she'd refused to see,

Mother was about to get a load of bad news herself

Yes?

I'm here to see you about your son.

Oh, this is a ploy. He's trying to get me to see him.

How do I know you're really in the army?

Who did Larry Kert replace in Company?

I don't know.

I know who he thought he was replacing, and it was Dean Jones.

But he didn't come close.

My Buster?

What happened? Where's my son?

Mrs. Bluth, your son went down while piloting a plane over Afghanistan.

-Oh, my God. -He deserves a big hand for that, and we gave him one.

I'm afraid besides that, there's nothing we can do.

Hi, Mother.

You look fine.

The doctor said you went down while piloting a plane over Afghanistan.

Oh, yeah, that plane was in Afghanistan.

[narrator] He had been playing for 47 straight hours.

where the army had taken advantage of Buster's childlike inability

to distinguish between games and reality by making him a drone pilot.

You're not gonna get away from me, little nurse.

[narrator] He had been playing for 47 straight hours.

Take that, Taliban wedding! Ha ha ha!

[narrator] But like anyone who plays video games for too long,

he started to make mistakes.

Hey, Bluth, you just took out an art museum in Madrid.

-You can go to Spain in this thing? -Maybe you should take a break.

-You could've hurt some innocent people. -Innocent people? [gasps]

You mean I've been hurting guilty people?!

-[narrator] But Buster was a peaceful man -[screaming]

-and didn't take well to this notion. -Pilot down!

[narrator] It was the kind of emergency that the drone pilot paramedics

-had long been waiting for. -I got a man down!

Sorry we're late. Some kid swallowed an eye at the Build-A-Bear.

Why do they have us at a mini-mall?

[narrator] And next door,

the top brass addressed it at their four o'clock meeting.

Apparently no one told them that they were real planes.

If this guy comes after us, they could pull funding for the whole program.

So, how do we buy off Old One-Arm?

First we gotta find something he needs.

Well, we do have the bionics program.

Ice cream!

Maybe we shouldn't be discussing this here.

-Damn these mini-malls. -[Lucille] So you fell out of a chair and for this the government gives you applause?

No, a big hand.

I thought I recognized that little son of a bitch!

This is why you can't keep a job in one hospital!

You mislead people!

Why does it have to be so big?

Well, they said the miniaturisation comes later.

I mean, you remember how big your first cellphone was?

So you had me come out here under false pretences?

You wouldn't come here any other way.

You haven't seen me in a year. It's why I went to army, to win you back.

-You have to forgive me. -It's not about forgiving you.

Although I don't.

-[groans] -You need to grow up, Buster.

I'm glad you have a new hand.

But you need to find someone else to hold it.

Tell the prison limo to come around.

Fine! I got my own family now! Army!

And they want me! You guys want me, right?

Oh, yeah. They're not gonna invest this kind of money

-without wanting you for keeps. -[laughing]

Once you learn how to use that thing, they'll turn you into a killing monster.

Monster?

Well, that explains the photo shoot.

[narrator] And as Buster realized his tour of duty was just starting,

George Sr. was about to get some bad news as well, from his attorney.

I mean, you didn't drive all this distance for good news.

You've got a balloon payment due on the mortgage on this property.

It's about 15 million.

What am I gonna do? Where am I going to get that money?

I thought you were gonna sell the land to the government to build a wall.

-Yeah, but that was put on hold. -So? It's election time.

Now's the time to get a politician to push for the wall.

Isn't that dizzy kook Lucille Austero running?

No, she can't know about this. She's a majority owner of my company, and besides, she's so pro-immigrant.

What about the other guy, Herbert Love?

Right? He's got a rally tonight.

Go and see him.

Everyone knows how persuasive you can be.

Used to be.

I'll be lucky to sell a glass of lemonade for $1,000 today.

Listen, if I can take no more than a law degree from the Virgin Islands and turn it into a net worth of $750,000, before, of course, what I owe in lawsuits, you can talk a politician into wasting public funds on a wall.

-Wait, that rally is tonight? -Mm-hmm.

But I'm supposed to meet my wife tonight.

Which I'm dreading, by the way.

[narrator] One of the changes that had occurred over the previous year...

My right rear tire is low.

[narrator] ...was a decrease in the physical intimacy George Sr.

and his wife had enjoyed.

You're so ugly from behind.

'Cause if no one shows up at that office, she really will divorce me.

[Barry] Too bad you can't use a double.

Oh, also, I used a lookalike named Stewart to take the California bar for me. But you knew that, right?

[narrator] It would prove to be a prescient comment...

-Oscar? -Because later,

while looking for his own double,

-Oscar. -...George Sr.,

who'd been acting more like Oscar,

found Oscar, who was acting exactly like George Sr.

Maybe I had a better offer.

And not a word... to Dr. Norman.

He doesn't think women should be awake for it. Great Dr. Norman!

You know, we have to be very careful.

Oscar, we are trying to help people here.

I know. I know.

I know, but you know what?

It just gets hot in there sometimes!

Why not you go do hot sweat?!

Let Oscar do squeeze!

I mean...

I need a break.

I just can't go on pretending to be you.

Sitting silently in a 100-degree mud hut for an hour and a half.

There has to be something else...

I can impersonate you doing.

It's funny you should say that, because if you're okay with the sitting silently part,

I have something for you that's quite chilling.

[narrator] George Sr. was out to meet the right-wing politician Herbert Love

as Oscar headed out to visit Lucille,

but dressed as George,

which is exactly who Barry thought he was talking to.

I just pooped in a hole and covered it up. I hope I did the right thing.

I really feel bad for the guy that's got to dig that up for the foundation for the wall.

[laughing]

Yeah. What wall?

Very good, George.

We gotta be careful where we talk about this.

I gotta watch my words.

[narrator] And that's when Oscar realized that George Sr. didn't buy the land

to be the best brother in Southern California.

And Lucille, who'd finally let go of Buster,

was about to get another visit from a relative first.

You've got no backhand! I'm working the whole court and you keep hitting the balls [bleeps] high.

Oh, great, looks like we've got another high-end hooker in here.

Oh, thank you, Mother.

So, let's cut to the chase.

I want to talk to you about a check for plastic surgery.

I already wrote you a check for that.

{\an8}[narrator] Lucille had, back when Lindsay thought she was only 12 years old.

{\an8}New nose.

[narrator] Worrying it would hurt her daughter's feelings...

Put a Y on there.

[narrator] ...she put a fun spin on it.

Nosey.

And you should be thanking me for that. You looked like a can opener.

[Lindsay] No, a check for my daughter.

She's gorgeous, and I love her just the way she is.

When was the last time you saw her?

She's been living with her father the past year.

It's been... really hard.

I'll be out on parole by the time you work up a tear.

What makes you think I wrote a check to your daughter, Nosey?

It came to the penthouse.

Well, well, Little Miss Lives-Off-The-Land is living in my penthouse.

Okay, so you've figured it out, Gene Parmesan.

Just goes to show the apple does not far from the tree fall.

I am like you nothing.

You're not even my real mother.

I... am a political activist.

Oh, you're a lot more like me than you know, sister.

Except I can back up my bad choices.

-I'm doing hard time. -Your three p.m. hot rock massage is open.

-Thanks for coming, sweetheart. -[grunts]

[narrator] But Lindsay wanted to prove

that she wasn't like her so-called mother,

and that's why she did this.

I'm in.

Let's bomb the bastard.

-It's Lindsay. -Yes! Yeah!

{\an8}[narrator] On the next Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

Oscar confirms his suspicions of the wall while impersonating George Sr.

I thought we...

I thought we could talk about the wall.

You know, the wall?

Have you baked your brain in that pizza oven, or is senility your backup plan if we can't get the government to buy the property?

So we only did buy that land for personal gain.

Well, what Oscar doesn't know won't hurt him.

[laughs] Oscar.

[narrator] And although it wasn't a perfect impersonation...

I love it when you call my name.

-[narrator] ...he did have the maca root. -[gasps] George!

Don't call me that.

Call me Father B.