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Dire Straights

{\an8}[narrator] Previously on Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

You are gonna be my key advisor.

[narrator] Lindsay Bluth was working for and dating the politician Herbert Love.

Perfume?

[narrator] Unbeknownst to her, however,

the work she was doing was dating him...

That's my cologne. I want you to wear it.

That way, if my wife smells anything on me, it's me.

[narrator] As arranged by her daughter Maeby.

Discretion is appreciated. To be clear, I want to hire her for prostitution.

I'm gonna charge you for that.

[narrator] Lindsay took to her new position like a fish to water...

-[squeaking] -advising him all over town.

Maeby's father Tobias had also found love.

And scene, as they say.

[narrator] After briefly losing her...

[chattering]

[narrator] ...a few times

and legal trouble when he tried to cash in on her fame from The Fantastic Four...

-This is a cease and desist. -You're under arrest.

[narrator] ...a few times.

She left him entirely.

I have a suit made of rocks.

[narrator] But soon, he had a way to win her back.

We shall mount a musical of The Fantastic Four.

I love it.

[narrator]  Although he still had some issues to address...

[singing]

♪ Fantastic Four ♪

-[narrator] ...as did she. -Is she all right?

[narrator] Michael, meanwhile,

had show business aspirations of his own...

I am a movie producer now, producing a movie.

They've got me in this enormous office...

[narrator] After falling into debt when the real estate market had collapsed.

Although, he was mostly doing so to impress an actress...

You seriously would be great for this part.

I haven't been in work mode for a while, to be honest.

I've been raising my son.

I have a son.

[narrator] Whom he wasn't completely honest with.

Yours?

Seven in July.

-a few times. -Teen.

Seventeen.

Michael thought the actress was director Ron Howard's girlfriend.

But she was actually Ron's daughter.

I'm sure you've all got girls up here in Hollywood, huh?

Brian's got two boys.

[narrator] But making the movie meant getting the life rights

from a son who wanted his privacy.

I didn't really mean privacy from him.

[narrator] And with whom Michael did not want to look needy.

You want your space from me? Look...

-Listen, hey, hey, look, look, listen. -[narrator] But a meeting was set.

You're going to make me look like a big shot in front of my son.

-[narrator] And then forestalled. -Hey, buddy.

I am having real trouble getting up there.

This traffic is unbelievable.

[narrator] As it turns out, George Michael had arrived earlier

and was spotted by the same actress Michael was falling for.

George?

[narrator] Whom he'd earlier given a fake name to.

George Maharis?

I see you.

[narrator] And hoping not to be exposed as himself,

forestalled the meeting himself...

I just hope there are no kids on that plane.

[narrator] ...a few times.

I'm going to video this and send it in to the news.

They're being real tight-assed about this camera thing.

[narrator] Which led to this.

-Hey. -Hey.

Sorry, that was my dad. He's actually great.

If anything, I've been kind of a lousy son lately, but, you know, it's just...

I mean, at some point, I've got to start living my life.

I know. I mean, my dad is the nicest guy in the world, but it's like he's always checking up on me.

-Does yours do that? -Once in a while.

You want to go in here?

[narrator] And Michael found himself confiding

in the man he thought was his rival.

I wouldn't even think of my son as my brother.

[narrator] Although this is something a Bluth brother would do.

He's busy.

[narrator] Things were looking up for George Michael.

He was finally in a relationship and feeling good.

Okay, I'm good!

That's it for me. You guys keep playing. [laughs]

Oh, too funny.

{\an8}[narrator] Now the story of what happened

when one man who was holding his family together finally let go

and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

{\an8}It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

Maeby decided to check in with her family...

How's the love affair going? -...business.

{\an8}It's okay, but he always wants to do the same old thing

{\an8}in the same old place.

The back of the limo.

Well, why don't you take him out to dinner?

You know, guys who are used to being charged...

{\an8}I mean, in charge...

sometimes like it when the other person takes control.

You know what I mean?

{\an8}Hmm. Well, maybe I will.

{\an8}I'll have to take him to Swappigans.

{\an8}No, no, no. How about the Balboa Yacht Club?

-Put it on the family tab. -Of course.

All right, have fun. I wish I could go out to dinner.

What am I doing? This is disgusting.

I've got money coming in.

{\an8}[narrator] Her father, meanwhile, had no money coming in,

{\an8}and had a production that sorely needed it.

♪ Fantastic Four ♪

{\an8}Am I crazy, or is this good?

It's really good.

{\an8}[narrator] And then Tobias asked the question

{\an8}that nobody was thinking.

{\an8}How much would it cost to do this right?

{\an8}I mean, really right.

{\an8}Do a Broadway-level production

{\an8}of the eight minutes we have right now?

Ballpark.

$700,000.

{\an8}What if, I could raise between $50 and $100?

{\an8}How much of the remainder could you generate?

{\an8}Well, if my sister could call in some debts...

{\an8}-probably all of it. -Oh.

{\an8}But that means we'd have to use the Cinco show as a preview,

{\an8}and she would want to know that we have the rights.

Of course.

{\an8}[narrator] A problem that continued to plague him.

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm The Thing from Fantastic Four.

You've been served [bleeps]

[narrator] Even after he'd lost DeBrie...

and hit rock bottom.

Someone should remake that movie.

Wait a minute. You still don't have the rights?

Well, not yet. Not yet. But I was going to ask you about that.

Who produced the one you were in?

I think it's Imagine Generic, Ron Howard's company.

{\an8}[narrator] Imagine Generic was a division set up

{\an8}to extend the rights to films that studios weren't prepared to make yet.

{\an8}I just hope the three of us make it back.

These quickie features

seldom were tested on actual audiences.

[man on screen] Houston, we're having a baby.

I don't want to get arrested again because we don't have the rights.

Okay, no. Don't-- all right. No. All right, settle down. Settle down.

This has happened to every Broadway show in the history of Broadway shows.

And I swear I shall acquire the rights.

[narrator] And that night, since Herbert

{\an8}couldn't officially spend money on Lindsay,

{\an8}and Lindsay hadn't told Herbert who she really was...

{\an8}I'll get us checked in.

{\an8}[narrator] Lindsay had to pay for dinner the way she always had...

Bluth, I made a reservation...

{\an8}[narrator] By secretly putting it on her family tab.

I'm sorry, the Bluths have been seated.

[narrator] But she wasn't the only Bluth

pretending to be something they weren't that night.

Who's the cheap redhead?

Well, hello.

Hello... indeed.

Look at you. What are you doing here?

I need the membership. I'm taking my boss out to dinner.

It's too late. I already made a deal with Dad for it.

[narrator] When George Sr. made it a condition

of giving Michael his movie rights.

Can you help me, then, with Love?

Of course I will.

If you do something for me.

I would like to use your membership at the Balboa Club.

The girl I've been telling you about, she likes nice things, and if everything goes well tonight,

I think I may want to take her out for a nice dinner.

You really like this girl?

-[sighs] She's Tracey. -Oh!

Fat Tracey or thin Tracey at the end?

I think, just on this, you owe me the membership.

We're kind of maxed out at the club, but if you show them my card,

I'm sure they won't turn you away at the door.

You'd do this for me?

I will if you...

This is why I had to ask you for the in with Herbert Love.

Exactly, and that's why you are leaving, and I'm going to stay because I'm the one who did the favor.

I got Love against the wall.

Plus I've got to impress him.

He's making me part of his campaign.

I'm sorry, there seems to have been a mix-up.

A merry one. A merry one.

I haven't been on a date in a very long time. and she's going out with Ron Howard, so I need to impress her.

[narrator] Actually, she was his daughter, but Michael still didn't know that.

Great to see you. And you look so good.

So do you.

I need to impress him too, because I finally found someone

-who respects me for who I am. -So does mine.

Listen, we'll share it, okay?

Got it? Great.

My name is Cindy Featherbottom.

I used to be a real estate tycoon, now I'm an impressive producer. Got it?

-Got it. -Eat light.

This is my date. This is Rebel Alley.

And my boss Herbert Love.

-High-low. -High-low...

Just like your plan to hurt the poor.

I thought it was about neglecting the poor.

I guess the special tonight is red snapper.

How do you know this woman?

She is... um...

Look at you!

-High school. -Brother and sister.

We can't be brother-sister. She knows about the family.

-We don't. -Just met.

So let's eat.

[narrator] And that's how Lindsay found herself

on a very awkward double date with her brother.

Is everybody's food as delicious as my side salad?

[narrator] And a couple of glasses of white wine in,

Rebel started to espouse her liberal agenda.

It's just a little hard to sit two feet away from someone who doesn't believe in paying for a woman's contraception.

Well, to be fair, he does pay for the room.

Is there anything better than the great American scallop?

Look how he changes the subject.

Aren't you glad your teenager's not here to see this?

You have a teenager?

I'm a movie...

Movie producer.

Producing a movie right now.

Rebel's in it, for Imagine Entertainment.

Oh. Is that Ron Howard's company?

-Yeah. -Yes.

I don't want to be the one to say it, but I hate that guy.

He's just another Hollywood liberal big shot.

There are a lot of those Ron Howards out there that do abuse their power, but I will tell you, sir, that I do not do that.

Don't you have to have power to abuse the power?

I am not going to sit here and defend Ron Howard to someone who's never achieved half of what he's achieved.

Are you saying that to him or me?

I forgot how touchy these Hollywood people can be.

I'm not. Are you saying that I am?

Maybe Ron Howard is, but I mean, I don't know.

But I'm not. And I am also not one of those Beverly Hills billionaires who can't go two minutes without putting his phone to his--

I got to take this. Hold on one second. Hello.

Hey, George Michael. You stuck in traffic, pal?

I just feel terrible that we couldn't get together the other night, and I miss you, but I'm free all night if--

Listen, I'm in the middle of a film meeting...

It's a producer thing.

People in politics involved, and I just...

I can't get away this time.

[narrator] It seemed the two men were growing less alike every day.

And back at the table...

Lindsay found herself torn,

between who she was with and who she wanted to be.

But what do I know?

-I'm just shallow, Hollywood-- -[cell phone rings]

God, I've got to get this.

It could be my agent.

Hello?

Hi, Rebel, it's George Maharis.

My night just freed up,

and I was wondering if you wanted...

I thought you were having dinner with your dad.

You know, older guy,

the night ends for them at eight.

I think I could use a break from the old guys.

And I've already got some birth control in me

that I paid for myself,

and I'd hate to let it go to waste.

That's perfect, because I'm not quite ready to have children.

That is one redhead I do not want to have sexual relations with.

[laughing]

Well...

So, are we having dessert?

-No. -No.

Well, I don't want to be the one to say it, but if we are not going to have dessert, then I think I am going to leave.

No.

But we're gonna discuss those new positions tonight.

Wasn't that the plan?

I think the best position for me to be in tonight is with my wife, and tomorrow I'm taking my wife and children to see the beautiful American ocean.

[crowd applauding]

-Hey. -Hey. I have to go.

-My son is sick, so... -Oh, no.

I have to go.

Rebel. Rebel, let me come.

I'm great with kids.

It's not about the kid. I'm not comfortable here.

Okay. Are you off to see him?

Listen, if you've got a problem with me seeing other people, why don't you just come out and say it?

No, I can. What do you mean? I can handle that.

We'll see each other a la carte.

Like the $18 baked potato you ordered that you didn't touch.

Yeah, you're not comfortable.

No, listen. Rebel, Rebel.

Fine. See you later.

Say hi to Ron Howard for me.

Well, hope you're happy. My girlfriend left, because she can't stand your right-wing, American scallop eating boyfriend.

He left because your chirpy little actress couldn't keep her mouth shut.

-That's it. You're out of the movie. -Fine.

[narrator] And with his evening freed up,

Michael reached out to a son he'd earlier blown off.

-Hey, Dad. -George Michael, hey.

I got out of it.

I made a ton of people angry, but you know what I always say,

"Family..."

Well, gosh, you know, I really wanted to do that, but I had this work thing come up.

And it's like you always say,

"Family first, unless there's a work thing.

And then, work first."

-I have said that, too. -Yeah.

So...

I've got politics and producing stuff I can...

Yeah, we'll do it soon.

-All right -All right, great.

-That'll be perfect. Bye-bye. -Another time.

[knock on door]

-Hey. -Hi.

-Oh, so this is a dorm. -This is a dorm.

Well, I suppose anything goes in a dorm.

You got that right.

[narrator] And while George Michael's night would soon get better...

We should probably go inside, because they don't like us hanging out in the hallways actually.

Yeah.

[narrator] Michael's would only get worse.

-Hi. -It's Michael Bluth.

Who is this?

This is my baby brother Argyle.

And here's the family joke.

I'm a tall drink of water, and he's the chaser.

[narrator] And the chaser wanted to be a producer.

Here's another joke.

You owe my sister $700,000, and I'm going to chase you down until you pay up.

And if you don't pay up by the 4th, you're gonna be washing up with the rest of the broken piñatas on the 5th.

-[woman] Lucille! -Hello.

Ow, ow! What is on the bottom of those shoes?

Taps.

And I can tap dance all over your face, if you know what I mean.

Even if my heart won't snap back into place.

I don't know what you meant with the last part there.

I'll chase you down and find you, Michael.

You can't hide in a gorilla suit from me.

[narrator] But Argyle was wrong on that one...

It was Buster Bluth who wore the gorilla suit.

Tobias had no way of being around DeBrie

without the rights to The Fantastic Four.

And that's when he ran into an equally worried Michael.

You okay?

Michael. What a pleasant surprise.

Please. Make yourself at home.

I am. I'm home.

This is my-- I own all the homes here, actually.

And Gob's supposed to be selling these, so...

Where is he? Do you know?

Out and about.

Me doth think he hath a lady.

-As doth I dooth. -Oh.

And they're both bit of a celebrities.

Well, that is odd, because I'm also dating a celebrity.

Perchance a double date is in our future.

-Eh, brother-in-law? -I don't...

Tell me about her.

I don't think that you're the best one to talk to about my relationship difficulties.

Fair enough.

It's only what I do for a living, Michael.

What I'm trained to do.

Well, let me tell you a little bit about her.

{\an8}So, it's a simple choice, really.

If I keep seeing her, he'll find out and kill the movie.

So, I either keep the girl and lose the movie, or I keep the movie, lose the girl.

But the whole reason that I did the movie was to get the girl.

[sighs] Michael, I appreciate your bravery.

And I know everything seems doomed now, and believe me, I'm in a similar situation myself, but trust me.

We are [bleeps] We are [bleeps] We're [bleeps]

I mean, unless some sort of miracle coincidence happens.

But, no, the best thing to do is just walk away, and we'll lick each other's wombs.

I think I should just go tell Ron Howard that it is over.

Yes.

-Ron Howard's making this movie? -Yeah.

Michael, you can't just walk away from this.

You have to go talk to him.

How's this?

What I'm going to do for you, Michael, is...

I am going to go there with you for moral support, and I will act as your assistant and maybe I'll do my famous gay character.

I don't think you've seen that character.

I think I have.

Hmm... I don't think so.

[narrator] The next day Michael sat down

for a one-on-one meeting with Ron Howard.

Hi, thank you for seeing me.

Well, that's fine, but I should warn you, this is what I call a haircut meeting,

-So, we probably don't have much time. -Okay.

It would be so much better if we could just lose the baseball cap.

We go through this every time.

This is a hat-on haircut, so you just cut what they can see.

You got it, Floyd?

I call all my barbers Floyd. It's just easier for me.

Okay. I'm gonna make this quick.

[clears throat]

Are you not going to introduce me?

I thought you were gonn wait in the lobby.

Tobias Funke. I am a producer, as well.

But I'm also an actor. That's probably what confused you.

I've done several inmate roles, as well as a couple of

"And As It Is Such, So Also As Such Is It Unto You's," but I'll get to you after.

Well, that's terrific.

Do you notice that he's already on my neck hair?

Yes. Last time I was in here, we talked about,

I wouldn't come back until I had all the release signatures.

-I wanted to give you an update. -Terrific.

You can just leave 'em on Louisa's desk.

But that's the update. I don't have them.

Done.

Okay, well, thanks for coming.

Well...

Don't you have something else you wanted to say?

If not, I'll do mine.

No, no, no. What? I don't--

[exhales] Ron, I care about someone deeply, and I think that you may also care about this person.

Hey, that's terrific.

It's Rebel. Rebel Alley.

And she thinks that you're gonna always be in her life.

I'm glad to know she thinks that.

Yeah.

Tell him how you feel about her.

Yeah, you know, I'm crazy about her, and I'm not going to be able to do anything about that until you let her go.

-She's my little num-num. -Sure.

-You understand what I'm saying? -Of course.

I've changed her. I've bathed her.

Now you want to bathe her.

Yeah, it's my time to bathe her.

She should be my num-num,

She should be my num-num, and you've got to just let her go, I think, once and for all.

A father doesn't really like to hear that when it comes to his daughter.

I haven't had a chance to talk to her father.

I have not yet had a chance to talk to her father, but...

No, no. I was saying that.

Because you are talking to her father.

Did you not know that I'm Rebel's dad?

I knew that part.

But I also...

I thought that you might also be... her...

Her lover?

No.

Well, this is hardly an episode of Happy Days.

I get it. I was arrested as a sex offender, but at least I knew it was my daughter I was arrested for coming on to.

Now, about my project, it's a family piece.

Does this mean our project is dead?

Listen, I never let personal matters interfere with business.

However, you should know she's dating someone else, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure she never dates you again.

Incredibly fair of you.

Well, that was a merry mix-up, eh? [laughs]

Now, about my project, it's based on something that you produced in '92,

The Fantastic Four.

That was a favor that I did for Fox.

It turns out that one of the leads, DeBrie, played Sue Storm.

In fact, she is the leading lady in my production of Fantastic Four: The Musical.

Which, with a wave of your little pink hand, you could make happen, and then I'd owe you one.

Thanks, but I couldn't do that.

It would just be so incredibly meaningful and change so many lives.

I can't do it.

But I also don't want to. [chuckles]

[laughing]

You are ruining my life, Ron Howard!

-You're ruining it! -[Ron shouts]

{\an8}[narrator] On the next Arrested Development:

{\an8}Fateful Consequences...

Tobias reassesses.

I'm gonna start wearing a hat when I get my haircut, too.

What is wrong with you?

You knew that Ron Howard was Rebel Alley's father?

Yes, everyone does.

I didn't realize that's who you thought the other man was, but the good news is, at least one of our projects is still going, which... by the way, I haven't signed this yet.

Should I?

Yes, absolutely. Thank you.

My movie rights.

Tobias Onyango Funke.

Initial down here.

This is exciting.

Thank you.

You're out of the movie.

[narrator] And after making his bed goes to lie in it.

He's back.

I got the rights.

We're going to make a musical.

[narrator] Or just lie.

[cheering]

[continue cheering]