Home > Arrested Development

Turning on Each Other

{\an8}[narrator] Now the story of what happened

{\an8}when the one man who was holding his family together

finally let go,

and the separate journeys that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

{\an8}It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

Lucille Bluth had been released from prison

into a rehab center run by a fr-enemy

under the care of her son in law.

...as your therapist.

{\an8}You look great.

{\an8}That suit looks very hetero on you.

{\an8}Well, thank you. You look very hetero as well.

Now, how are you?

I'm as normal as blueberry pie.

{\an8}So, write that down on a form, sign me out,

{\an8}I won't have to go back to prison,

{\an8}and maybe you'll find a new car parked in your driveway.

[narrator] The night before she went to prison,

Lucille discovered that her family

had been divvying up her stuff.

And after originally resisting

going to Lucille 2's rehab center...

{\an8}That's the bitch that put me here.

{\an8}[narrator] She soon found the other inmates turning on her as well.

-She's trying to noodle-stab me! -[shouting]

{\an8}[narrator] And later received a chilling reminder

{\an8}of how a family can turn on its matriarch.

{\an8}And soon she discovered that her son in law worked at the rehab.

{\an8}-That was fast, you hot little-- -It's your mother.

Hi. Sorry, I thought you were somebody else.

I can't tell you who 'cause I'm dating someone famous.

{\an8}[narrator] But after seeking his help on a wall project,

she got some disconcerting news.

I'm busy now working with Michael.

What are you working on with Michael?

Dad made him give me a job.

{\an8}I have to fill these Sudden Valley homes, which I'm almost done with, by the way.

{\an8}So he thought it was a good idea to have you two together.

Isn't that nice?

{\an8}My God, is there anyone there with half a brain

{\an8}that can help me with this?

{\an8}I don't know about half a brain, but Tobias is living with me right now,

{\an8}and he's not very bright.

{\an8}Although he is working in the rehab where Lucille 2 is.

{\an8}Hire a crew and start the wall.

{\an8}And not a word to your brother.

{\an8}I'm getting a transfer.

{\an8}It's time for Mama to put on the old drunk act.

{\an8}That was an act?

[narrator] And one slurred call later...

[slurring]

she was ready to have her son-in-law release her into society.

Yes, well, it doesn't work that way.

We have to have a series of sessions,

{\an8}and I have to swear in the best of my professional opinion

{\an8}that you have accepted and made every effort

{\an8}at thoughtfully reflecting upon your weaknesses.

{\an8}Yes! Write down that I did that.

Well, no, I don't work that way.

You don't work anyway.

This is your first paying job in ten years.

Oh, no, no, this doesn't pay. This is part of a work release program.

[narrator] It seems Lucille wasn't the only one

{\an8}that was using austerity to get out of a prison sentence.

So it's your daughter you're here to see?

Yes.

Maeby.

The state of California thinks that I'm a sex offender.

Don't worry about what the state of California thinks.

The point is, we have a chance to be honest with ourselves.

Fine. You don't look heterosexual in that suit.

Sign the form.

Well, at least we have a dialog going.

[narrator] But that would end by their next session.

Perhaps that's why they call this place...

Auster-ity.

Auster...

Fine. Well, if you're not going to talk,

I'm just going to write this up.

[narrator] Earlier that day, Tobias had encountered a prop problem

with his action musical.

...one thing we could use.

A villain.

I was thinking the same thing.

Why aren't the Fantastic Four fighting anyone?

Instead of just dancing around, you mean.

It's like it's all Sharks and no Jets.

Then we would have a second act.

Lucia, right?

I mean, that's their foe. Lucia von Bardas?

Have you guys ever even read one of these things?

This woman is a villain.

You think I'm a villain, too?

My children are all waiting for me to die so they can divvy up my stuff.

My Chinese gang mates were getting ready to noodle stab me, and even one of the guards called me "Gangie" and he was talking about the monster movie.

He thinks that horrible monster looks like me!

So fine, you want to call me a villain,

I accept it! I'm your villain!

Actually I was writing down a casting breakdown for the role of Lucia for my Fantastic Four musical.

This was all about your stupid play?

I was about to cry for the first time in 60 years.

I remember when the last time was, too.

I hid under Mama's porch during a thunderstorm. and I found the remains of my...

It's not a stupid play.

It's a musical.

And I have to debut it on a boat at Cinco.

It's on a boat?

Take to the sea!

Yes, I'll sign everyone out for the night, but I guess I'll have to play the old sea bitch myself.

I'm in.

Well, that's wonderful. I think we have made a breakthrough today.

In the musical, not you.

Oh, God, no, there's miles of work to do with you. [laughs]

[narrator] Michael was visiting the woman he loved

and wanted to star in his movie.

hoping to head off any ill feelings she might have

about this interaction with her father.

I'll do everything in my power to make sure she never dates you again.

-[narrator] Or this one. -You are ruining my life, Ron Howard!

She likes small.

May I please have ice cream?

No, no, you are the Depardieu.

No sweets.

[narrator] Michael wasn't proud of what he was about to do.

Hey, Lem, I can reach the ice cream and, you know, in my family, we play a game called

"If You Do Something For Me."

I will give you this Dove bar if you do something for me.

We have Dove bars?

Tell me what you know about this...

George Maharis.

Not much. He's old.

Is he older than me?

Few years. He looks like you.

[narrator] He knew this was not good news.

So, handsome.

[narrator] But unbeknownst to Michael, it was actually this George.

George Maharis.

[narrator] Who'd come up with the non-sullied name,

because he didn't want to be compared

to that George or that George

and soon found himself in the arms of a woman

he had no idea his father was courting.

His Uncle Oscar was also living as a George, his brother.

in order to satisfy a recently discovered lustiness.

And after failing to find Lucille 2 at home...

-[woman] Security. -Lucille 2, please?

[narrator] But, of course, at Austerity, this woman is Lucille 2.

-Hello. -I want to be with you.

I have needs.

George, is that you?

Yes, this is George. Where are you?

I'm in rehab, you know that. What's wrong with you?

Why don't I swing by, and we can conjugate.

Let's do our business over the phone.

All right. Here goes.

I wanna pull your panties off with my--

Real business, George.

I'd very much like to pull your underwear off with my teeth--

No, at Cinco. We're getting on a boat. We're leaving the country.

But what about love?

Easy. Gene Parmesan got photos of Herbert Love with some redheaded whore.

[narrator] That's not what he meant by love.

I'm giving his wife a taste, so he knows we know.

If he wins, we should be able to get him to do whatever we want

with that wall now.

I'm not completely following the wall story. Here's my problem--

-Hello. -[man] Michael Bluth here to see you.

Send him up.

-[Oscar] With my teeth-- -Michael's here.

This is my chance to make sure he doesn't get too cozy with Gob.

-Why? -Bad things happen when brothers collude.

When can we have sex?

[phone beeps]

Thank you very much. Hello, there. Thank you.

Wow.

This is a step up from prison.

How would you know? You haven't come to visit me once.

Yeah. Sorry. I feel bad about that.

So you're here to make amends?

Because you know your mother will always take you back.

And because I know my mother wants me to sign away any connection to the family business.

[narrator] It was true.

The real George Sr. made it a condition of the now four-favor family pact.

You know, your mother is very hurt you haven't visited her.

It's like you have given up on the family business.

-I have. -Yes, but not in writing.

To protect all of us, visit her, sign a little something saying it's all hers.

-I just need a signature. -I'm happy to help.

If you do something...

-for me. -For me.

Yeah, I heard that's been happening.

I'm happy to help you, honey.

Me, too.

[narrator] And that's how Michael got his mother's rights to the movie.

But not right away.

{\an8}And that's how Michael got his mother's rights to the movie.

So happy to help.

Me too.

-So, everything else is good? -Yeah.

You've talked to your sister, the radical?

Yeah, she's a redhead now, and she's dating Herbert Love, but other than her looks and her belief system, she's the same old Lindsay.

That's Lindsay in the photo.

I hear you're dating an actress, who's also dating Ron Howard?

[laughs] No, no, no, no, no.

She is not dating Ron Howard, Mother.

Ron Howard is her father, okay?

Your mind...

I did, though, actually find out who she is dating.

George Maharis.

[narrator] And that's when Lucille found a way

to keep the brothers from colluding.

George Maharis... George. That's your brother's name.

George Oscar Bluth.

Yes, uh, George is Gob's first name, yep.

[narrator] And Michael remembered something else strange.

I probably should have expected that.

[narrator] And then stranger.

[Michael] "Love each other."

Oh, that definitely sounds like Gob.

And he did say he was seeing someone famous...

[narrator] And Michael remembered hearing about that as well.

Me doth think he hath a lady.

Oh.

And they're both bit of a celebrities.

That is odd, because I'm also dating a celebrity.

If I were you, I'd put a tail on him. Get a PI.

Where the hell am I gonna find a PI?

Gene Parmesan, at your service.

[shouts] It's Gene!

He does this to me every time!

-What's he doing here, Mom? -He's working for me.

Why'd you scream then?

I thought he was that guy.

[narrator] But Gob wasn't dating Rebel.

He was dating this man.

We're on.

And he definitely thinks you're gay, right?

Don't worry, the only thing I'm better at than [bleeps] women is pretending I'm gay.

[narrator] As it turns out, Tony was dating

the daughter of a Bluth family competitor.

Give me a little leg shave?

All right. You have to be careful.

If Gob finds out you're straight, he'll use it to ruin you, and I'll lose the 100 grand I stole from Lucille Austero to re-brand you as the gay magician.

[narrator] It seemed Sally Sitwell had a secret also.

-Ow! -Ooh. Sorry.

It's fine. And as long as we're recapping things that we already know, an inside source tells me he's my ticket to Internet billions.

-Inside source? -I didn't tell you that?

-No. -That's new?

It's "in the bag."

[narrator]  He made that sound a lot cooler than it was...

The Fakeblock thing will scrub it away.

[narrator] Because it was Tony that was in the bag.

It took a lot of restraint for Tony to not pop out when he heard the word "wonder,"

but he was carried into the audience

before he could hear that Gob wasn't actually gay.

[Tony] I don't want some Spanish guy sitting on me...

Once I get him alone, I get into his phone, get his boyfriend's information, hack into his software and make a fortune. Ow!

How do you not know how to shave a leg?

I've never done it before.

Anyway, he's halfway to falling in love with me already.

I mean, he actually sounded excited about seeing me tonight.

Just be careful.

Could be a house of cards.

[shouting]

-Caterpillar! -Yep! There it went.

That's exactly what that was. Wow!

-Weird. -Very weird.

Caterpillar... and that weird fuzzy moth in the drain.

[narrator] It seemed Sam Sitwell's daughter had two secrets.

Michael was borrowing the family PI to catch his brother having an affair

with his girlfriend.

-This is the great disguise? Fry cook! -No, no, this is my horrible night job.

In fact, I was hoping you could drop me off at Chicken Dan's when we're all done.

Chicken Dan's, huh? That is embarrassing.

This from a man who's driving around a mapping car?

You know, I don't even think these things work.

That's why I rely on these babies right here.

The old binocs. Let's see if we can't find this target.

You know, the great thing about these is there's no software to update. [gags]

-God, what are you doing? -Sorry.

Oh! These binoculars make me nauseous.

Well, of course they do. Why don't you just use the maps?

We're riding in a satellite-linked mapping car.

[narrator] Gob, meanwhile, felt pretty good

after foisting one of the Sudden Valley homes on Tobias.

I have a list of men that could fill every opening you have.

[narrator] He had successfully filled all the others,

and was on his way to a date with Tony Wonder.

Siri, where is the Little Ballroom?

[Siri] I have three matches.

I'm gonna need the gayest.

Did you say "the grayest"?

I need the gayest one.

I found three matches.

I've got to tell Michael that I saw another map car.

He's gonna be blown away.

You don't see them a lot.

Looks like he's turning into a parking lot.

My Little Ballroom. Of course, yeah. She's got a kid.

He's acting like he's Father of the Year or something.

I bet he's pretending Steve Holt is nine.

I just saw him. He looks 50.

[narrator] But of course, Gob was at the wrong Little Ballroom.

I do not get this lifestyle.

-Gob? -You're mistaken.

Hi, there.

-Michael. -Yeah.

Look who's here, you.

Where is she?

First of all, that's very dated of you, Michael.

"He's" don't like to be called "she's," and I don't know who this he-man is that you're referring to.

No, no, it's a "she." My girlfriend.

That's who I'm talking about. Rebel Alley. Where is she?

-Never met him. -It's a she.

Nice try. Now what are you doing here?

You gonna meet her here with her son maybe so her son can play in the ball pit?

That's disgusting, Michael. This is no place for a child.

I know what you do.

Mom told me you were bragging about seeing somebody in showbiz.

Then I see a frozen dove in a freezer.

-That could be anything. -It said "love each other"

-on the foot band. -That does sound like mine.

Whose freezer was it in?

Rebel. Rebel Alley's. Nice try, Gob.

If I want to see bad acting,

I'll go see Tobias in A Jew Comes to Dinner.

[narrator] But Gob wasn't acting.

He'd just forgotten that he had met

still partying Rebel Alley one year earlier.

He's so cute.

[narrator] And Rebel returned home to an unfortunate surprise.

She felt bad, so quickly put it in a bag,

wrote down the species and location from which she'd acquired it

and then one further caution.

It was a merry mix-up, but neither of them knew any of this.

-I have no idea what you're talking about. -Yes, you do. I got you dead to rights.

Dead to rights!

If ever we were gonna have a fight, Michael, this would be the safest place to do it.

-[Michael] Great, let's do-- -[shouting]

{\an8}...something that can fillet a chicken and subdue an intruder.

Back to My Little Ballroom?

Yeah, this is the middle of their workday.

Hey, hey, come back here!

You son of a bitch, Gob!

You'll never catch me, Michael!

You have to find me, Michael!

Gob?

♪ Keep those balls in the air ♪

♪ Keep those balls in the air ♪

♪ Balls in the air ♪

Are we done?

I'm just surprisingly tired.

So tired and so not hurt.

I'm not the guy, Michael.

I thought you'd be proud of me. I did what you said.

I filled all your houses.

Hang on. Filled 'em?

Every last one of 'em.

With who?

With sex offenders.

Hey, hey! Gob, you're out of the movie!

[boy] Thanks for ruining my birthday party.

[narrator] Gob went to win back the trust of the man he was still hoping to con.

Hey, look--

Oh, my God. You're mad at me.

You stood me up.

[narrator] Although he quickly lost sight of that plan.

And then I got in this fight with my brother that didn't hurt.

-It was just a whole-- -Is that it?

Or is it because your boyfriend is 20, and I'm nearly twice that?

You think that I care that you're three years older than me?

No! I don't-- Check my phone. Check my phone.

I don't need to check your phone. Come in.

[narrator] But getting Gob's boyfriend's contact information out of that phone

was the whole reason for Tony's charade.

The whole family hates me.

-Damn it! -Which he remembered too late.

Yeah, damn it!

I even helped fill his stupid homes with sex offenders, and yet he still hates me.

Sex offenders need a place to live, too.

Yes! Exactly! That's what I always say.

It's, like, God... You get me.

You're an easy guy to get.

I can't go home. He's probably waiting for me.

He's gonna be my boss? He's the younger brother.

-How old is he? -Forty-two.

Same! My younger brother's 42, also.

Same! But...

-I mean 32. -Two.

-Thirty-two. -Thirty-two! Same!

-Same! I was gonna say it. -Same?

-I was thinking the same. -That's so weird!

You thought 32 and then you said 32!

-Same. -Same.

Crazy!

Do you want a glass of wine?

I love wine.

-Red wine? Same! -I love red wine! Same!

[laughs] It's, like, two same.

That's in-same.

[narrator] It turns out, the guys had tons in common.

-That's so weird. -...weird.

[both] Like... the last time I went... scuba diving?

Wow.

Captain Crunch...

Same.

[narrator] The hours melted away.

I guess I must have been...

[narrator] And perhaps, pretending to be gay...

I don't know, 17...

[narrator] Allowed them the freedom to speak honestly.

When I started saying "same."

Same.

That's the same time I got into magic.

You know, I think I got into misdirection 'cause I just...

Maybe I was trying to hide my feelings or something.

I was just doing it to get out of gym.

Who's Jim?

No. Phys Ed.

-Jealous! -[laughing]

-Kidding. -Right.

Kidding.

-Ooh! -Don't start--

-Popcorn fight. -[laughing]

[choking]

[coughing]

It almost went down my throat.

-I'll get some water. -Yeah.

[narrator] And Tony had another opportunity

to get at Gob's phone...

and chose not to take it.

Gob also saw an opportunity to, in some small way, sabotage Tony's act.

And he also chose not to.

Although he did put the mask down his pants.

[both] Ah!

We were really thirsty.

I guess I should get going...

Yeah, I'd say stay, but I just feel...

I feel like we should take it slow.

I would definitely stay and have gay sex... normal sex with you, but...

Yeah, I would totally have gay sex or whatever, but...

I just drank a lot of water.

I just had a lot of water, too.

I don't want to rush things.

Same.

Maybe we make a date to do it another time. and tonight we just...

We can just sit and talk.

[narrator] Gob had never said anything like that before.

That would be amazing.

[narrator] And then he said something else he'd never said before.

I have feelings for you.

I have feelings... for you.

[narrator] The feeling was friendship, but neither had ever experienced it.

All they had to do now was avoid making any specific...

Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco?

Let's have normal sex on Cinco.

[narrator] I guess they figured they could get out of it later.

I'm not sure why they said that.

[both] Same!

{\an8}[narrator] On the next Arrested Development:

{\an8}Fateful Consequences.

Michael gets back.

-Hi, Mom. -Hold on.

Michael. What happened to your eye?

Is that from Gob? Was I right about him?

No, actually. Want to hear a funny story?

You're out of the movie.

Hold on, George. I beg your pardon?

Did you say George? Is that Dad?

'Cause he's the one who told me to hire Gob.

I actually owe him a call.

Hey, Dad, how you doing? Yes, he did. With sex offenders.

You want to hear something funny?

You're out of the movie! Want to hold for Mom? Yeah.

Bye.