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Cinco de Cuatro II

{\an8}[narrator] Previously on Arrested Development Fateful Consequences...

-So it's your daughter you're here to see? -Yes.

[narrator] After a brief appearance...

How old is she?

[narrator] ...on a child predator ambush show...

Why do you put me on the spot? I want to say 19?

[narrator] Tobias received a work release from prison to work at Lucille 2's rehab.

♪ I'm gonna stomp all over your face ♪

♪ Even though my heart--♪

[narrator] ...where he was soon mounting a musical version of Fantastic Four...

I can't do it.

It's good, it's great. No, you're great. The problem is with you.

[narrator] ...with the recovering addict he loved,

who was once sort of in a movie version.

{\an8}...and over again. I say that as your director,

-as your therapist. -This is a cease and desist.

[narrator] And for which Tobias didn't possess the rights.

But acting hadn't brought out the best in DeBrie...

-nor did Tobias' mother-in-law... -...the Fantastic Three and Lousy One.

[narrator] ...who had her own reasons for joining the cast...

It's on a boat?

[narrator] ...which she thought she shared with her husband...

-We're leaving the country. -But what about Love?

Easy. Gene Parmesan got photos of Herbert Love with some redheaded whore.

[narrator] Lucille was referring to a candidate they needed to persuade

to push for a border wall they were originally hoping to build...

I am going to put this on my wall.

We can't afford to build it if we're not selling the land.

[narrator] ...and now hoped to just create the appearance of building...

We make sure Herbert Love comes out against the wall right after we get enough of it up to trigger the government payment.

[narrator] ...which she put Gob in charge of...

...build a wall to keep Mexicans out of America.

You should get the Chinese to build your wall. We make great walls.

I'm not completely following the wall story.

[narrator] But it wasn't her husband George she was talking to...

-The weak will become the strong. -[narrator] It was twin brother Oscar...

Call me "Father B."

[narrator] ...who'd become hyper-masculinized,

while George Sr. changed in the opposite direction.

-Oh, tender. -I feel wrong.

And I'm becoming weak.

[inhales] Sorry, had the old thinking cap on.

[narrator] ...for which he sort of sought medical attention.

Ride it to climax.

[narrator]  But not everyone was hoping to show love to Herbert Love...

That is my husband, with a prostitute.

[narrator] ...for Lindsay had been exploited by Herbert Love

while trying to exploit him...

...is with my wife. And tomorrow I'm taking my wife and children to the beautiful American ocean.

[narrator] ...and reunited with an ex who wanted to teach Love a lesson.

On Cinco de Cuatro, Love's boat is going to...

-Sink-o. -go into the-- Yes, sink-o.

[narrator] And Buster, who'd been abandoned by a mother...

Where've you been? This is all your fault.

-[narrator] ...and a lover... -Mom.

Out!

[narrator] ...soon found a new mother lover...

He wants a second chance, and I want to give it to him.

[narrator] ...who also abandoned him.

Tell me this. Who is a better lover?

-He is. -He is. Okay.

What about son?

{\an8}[narrator] Now the story of what happened

{\an8}when the one man who was holding his family together

{\an8}finally let go, and the separate journeys

that eventually gave them no choice but to come back together.

{\an8}It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

{\an8}[man] On the fourth of May in the city of Newport Beach,

{\an8}there occurs a festival called the Cinco De Cuatro,

originally intended

to debilitate the next day's Cinco de Mayo celebration.

On this particular Cinco de Cuatro, however,

each member of the Bluth family would find their lives irreversibly changed

by the consequences of this fateful night.

{\an8}[narrator] George Sr. was on his way to meet his doctor...

{\an8}-...Crushed one with my car. -[narrator] when he ran into his son.

{\an8}-Hi. -Michael, what happened?

{\an8}Oh, the... It's a terrible week.

{\an8}But I'm gonna fix things once and for all right now.

{\an8}-Is this about Love? -No, it's about money, but I'm...

{\an8}I will pay her back one way or the other.

Who?

{\an8}Lucille 2. I'm gonna get her against the wall.

{\an8}No, no, no. She cannot know about this wall.

{\an8}Fine, I'll get her up against the top of the stair car. I don't care.

{\an8}I am talking about Herbert Love.

{\an8}Is he going to oppose the building of the wall?

{\an8}Yes. I took care of that.

{\an8}He is going to announce that in his speech tonight.

That is great news. Listen, I have to go.

-And not a word to-- -How dare you!

Lucille... Two...

Did you think I wouldn't find out?

{\an8}I was gonna cut you in. I was trying to protect you so they wouldn't link you to it,

{\an8}but it turns out that we can't afford to build it anyway.

-Build what? -The wall in Mexico, the high wall.

{\an8}What were you talking about?

{\an8}I was talking about you giving money to Herbert Love in his campaign against me!

{\an8}Oh, no. No. That was to get Love to support the wall.

{\an8}I tell you, I've been all over the place on this one.

{\an8}I can't be running a company that's building a wall I campaigned against.

{\an8}Listen to me, it's taken care of.

{\an8}I just ran into Michael. He's got Love against the wall.

{\an8}It's done. It's gonna be in the speech tonight. It's over.

It better be, or I'll talk about it in my speech tonight.

No. No. Please. No, you can't do that.

You can't stop me.

Now, I've got a stair car to wave from. And I can't be seen with you.

{\an8}'Cause I'm fat. It's because I am fat. You think I'm a fat person.

{\an8}You are such a drama queen.

Fat arms. I don't understand this.

[narrator] Tobias, meanwhile, was assuaging his lead actress's fears.

-I don't think I can do this. -You can do anything I want you to do.

And you want to do as well. I... We need this.

I mean, this'll make all our old dreams come true.

But maybe they're old for a reason.

Oh, you're focusing on the wrong words.

If we can get through tonight, DeBrie, we can get through anything.

Don't worry about it.

The audience will be completely drunk and if we're not perfect, they'll take it out on us, but that's why you're gonna be perfect.

You have to be perfect.

[narrator] Although it would soon be Tobias who couldn't do it.

I'm a registered sex offender. All right.

[narrator] But fortunately, he ran into his brother-in-law.

I need your help. I've got a show to do in ten minutes, and I haven't got a "Thing" to wear this "Thing" suit.

It's all pre-recorded.

You're a monster, you don't have to be any good.

I'm a monster?

[narrator] Which perhaps is why Buster was emotionally unsettled

when he went to deliver the evidence of Herbert Love's wrongdoing

to Lucille 2.

...Herbert Love with a lady of the night.

And he's gotten himself in some pretty hot ham water this time.

That's my wig!

Buster, this is priceless. Why are you giving it to me?

Because I want to hurt him.

I've never known you to want to hurt anybody.

Well, I hurt my mother, didn't I?

I missed her trial, and she cut me out of her life.

-But I'm over that! -Really?

Then you have me to thank for that.

-What do you mean? -Oh, Buster...

You think missing her trial was an accident?

[narrator] In fact, there was nothing accidental about it,

as Lucille 2 had been laying in wait for him.

Buster! Hello.

[narrator] And once she'd gotten Buster into the apartment,

she eschewed the all-natural juice

for the kind with cartoon animals and riddles on the box.

The type Buster had been known to have a weakness for.

Thank you.

{\an8}[narrator] And soon, the partying was off the hook.

-Do me! -[groans]

This is just like a Mother's Day Eve!

This is brilliant!

[narrator] Although, at one point, he did have something close to an insight.

I mean, how do you miss a sign like that?

I was tinkling! [laughs]

You kept me from mother?

You sent her to prison?

And this whole time I thought about getting back together with you.

Well, you're a little late, honey. I've been dating your father for weeks.

[groaning]

[growls]

[narrator] George Sr. was about to get some bad news, too.

-Excuse me, Dr. Norman? -You're mistaken!

Dr. Norman, it's me, George Bluth.

Oh, George. Yes, thank you for meeting me here.

I like to do a little housecleaning on the fourth.

Old quinceañera candles.

I was wondering if you could tell me my test results.

Oh, yes, yes. Well, your testosterone numbers are off the charts.

[sighs]

Below the charts. Under the charts. I don't know how to say that.

You have almost no testosterone at all.

I don't know the exact numbers, but it's somewhere in the baby range.

On the plus side, your estrogen levels are that of a very healthy woman in the throes of her menses.

May I see my results?

I wish you'd asked me five minutes ago.

I dumped it with a pot pipe and a bottle of cheetah sedative.

Also, the people at Orange County Imaging said that you were masturbating in an MRI tube?

-Oh, no. -But, Doctor, you told me to.

I did no such thing. Oh, no. No. No, you can't do that.

That sounds like something I would say when I had my thinking cap on. [laughs]

You, sir, are a very funny lady.

Well, that's what they always say to the unattractive one.

[narrator] DeBrie was also at a loss.

Feeling frightened and fragile, she tried to keep it together.

Water...

[narrator] Unfortunately, DeBrie, who had been in the safe harbor

of a drug-free zone,

found herself in the free drug zone of an unsafe harbor.

And soon, having recast the Thing with Buster...

No, I'm looking for a woman named DeBrie.

[narrator] Tobias returned to check on his leading lady.

Have you been drinking?

No. It's pills.

Is she drunk?

-[Tobias] Uh, no. -It's pills.

-Can I talk to you for a second? -Yes. Yes. Yes.

That is unacceptable.

Patients doing pills on a literal pile of garbage, that's not what we're about at Austerity.

You're putting Austerity in jeopardy. You're out!

No, don't fire me. I'm on a work-release program.

If you fire me, I have to go back to prison. I can't.

And you're investing in this show. What if we get killer notices?

We'll talk about it on Monday.

Now, get rid of her before someone sees her with their camera phone.

You know they have those nowadays.

So, I've got until Monday to fix this.

[sighs, laughing]

That red-haired lady can't throw her wad at that guy.

Oh, DeBrie.

[narrator] Lucille slipped away from the cast, to look for her husband.

What are you doing here?

What do you mean what am I doing here? We made plans to escape on the boat!

I never made plans with you.

We talked about it on the phone when you were trying to talk dirty to me.

-Oh... -What is wrong with you?

This is embarrassing. Full disclosure. That was Oscar, who may have been the one you were talking with.

He's been filling in for me occasionally.

You sent your brother to have sex with me?

No, I sent him to listen to you one time, and then he found out about the wall and tried to get you talking about it, and this was his way of shutting you up.

-He told you this? -No, you told me when I visited.

I got in there a couple of times, too.

So, tell me about this trip. That's interesting. Where we going?

I'll tell you where we're going. We're going to court.

We're getting a real divorce. You're out of the marriage.

So I am fat.

Boy, am I glad you're here. I need money.

It's not for what you think, for a magic show or a bee colony.

It's to pay the builders I hired to start building the fake wall

-between Mexico and America. -Shh!

What are you crazy? Lucille 2 is around here.

Well, don't worry about Lucille 2, I'll handle her.

It's just that I need to pay the Chinese.

Wait, wait. You hired Chinese?

Well, I figured, who better than the Chinese to build a wall?

But, no. I couldn't afford them, so I hired... They're technically Mongols, I guess.

They're the people that they built the wall to try to keep out.

How many did you hire?

A horde. That's the minimum. They don't come in anything less.

So you hired a Mongol horde.

Look, Dad, I just...

If they don't get their money soon, they're gonna be really mad and have a major Mongolian beef with us.

They're there.

We don't have any money.

Well, he says that we don't have any money.

[narrator] As George Sr. tried to disappear,

DeBrie was finally recognized.

Are you in the play?

-Yeah. -What is the play, honey?

Fantastic Three and Lousy One, so Four.

-Four? -Yeah.

-And who do you play? -Sue Storm.

Okay, Sue Storm and the Fantastic Four are both trademarked by the Marvel Entertainment LLC.

This is a cease and desist letter.

If you violate it, you will go to prison for a long, long time.

Can anyone just throw one of those little Mexican guitars off the dock?

I don't want to go to prison.

I'm gonna do it.

No...

I'm gonna do it.

Well, Lucille 2 has threatened me with prison, but it's gonna take more than one prison threat...

Oh, you got one, too.

Well, Universe, you seem to be putting up all sorts of walls between me and my dreams today.

Well, if we have any chance of beating this, it's by putting on the best show possible, a real wowzer.

I just need to find a Sue Storm.

I guess I'll need this.

Before I go any further with this, there's no way a hot cup of coffee and a glass of the-show-must-go-on spirit will encourage you in any way, will it?

Let me die.

No. You're not in any shape to go out and perform tonight.

[narrator] And Tobias went off to search for any Sue Storm in Newport.

While Lucille came face-to-face with the man whose face she'd just faced.

But it was a different face. It was Oscar.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You got me. I was gonna tell you.

I was acting when I pretended to be George, but I am dead serious when I say you are the hottest woman I know.

I'm here tonight because I wanna run away with you.

I've got a boat waiting.

[narrator] Although someone else soon found it.

-Oscar... Really? -Of course.

Do you think I'm here for the donkey punch?

Which I do love and it's the only night you can get it, but you are the only woman for me, Lucille!

Bring me those thin, pot-stained lips.

-What's this? -No idea.

[narrator] She found the latest of her things that had been claimed.

He'd actually acquired it earlier that night

when he was polling for Lucille 2.

She's claimed you. Everyone I know wants to take everything away from me.

I can't believe you were with her. She's finished.

And the Oscar goes, too!

To...

Get out of my sight!

[narrator] She was in an emotional storm and needed a therapist...

when she ran into a therapist who needed a Storm.

To disappear. That's what everyone wants me to do.

Lucille!

You are not the villain.

[sighs] I'm so tired of being the villain.

Well, those days are over. What you are is the Invisible Girl.

You make it impossible for people to see you to protect yourself.

[narrator]  And somehow, in that moment, something changed for her.

I do do that.

And in this way, you launch sneak attacks, and you create a force field to keep people away.

Right! I'm not a villain. I'm the Invisible Girl!

Yes, that's what I'm saying!

Oh, you know, it's funny... I never would have come to this if it hadn't been for you and Lucille 2's rehab,

I need to pay her back for everything she's done to me.

I'm going back to rehab.

I just have to make one quick stop first.

I don't think we have time.

I've got to do this...

[narrator] But he found the answer inside himself...

Time to channel my inner Storm.

[narrator] And because he didn't have the costume,

he created one out of some old makeup.

Oh, pardon the mess.

I just blue myself for the first time in five years.

[narrator] Buster was in a whirl.

Confused and betrayed, he needed to punch something,

which is why he went here...

But it wasn't that kind of donkey punch...

I need some juice.

Oh!

Perhaps uno mas, señor, to feed to the fishes?

Gene Parmesan. This is not my real job.

[Herbert] Okay, talk to you later.

[narrator] That's when Buster heard his target...

You!

-Hey, it's the Blind Side monster. -[shouts]

[narrator] And so he blindsided him and became one.

[whimpers]

[narrator] George was depressed, but hoped to hear Herbert Love oppose the wall.

But Herbert Love was out of the picture and Lindsay stepped in...

Can I have everyone's attention?

[narrator] ...when it appeared the Hispanic blowback began.

[shouting]

-Viva Mongolia! -That's my necklace!

They don't belong here, we belong here.

I mean, someone should put up a wall.

[narrator] But, of course, it wasn't the Hispanic blowback,

it was just the latest in a lifetime of disgruntled Bluth employees.

-And George Sr. looked to hide. -Oh, God.

This feels right.

[narrator] But he wasn't the only person to resort to hiding as a woman...

as the now almost invisible Invisible Girl got on the boat

to head to the floating stage.

Unfortunately, and not for the first time, Tobias got on the wrong boat.

Except this one was piloted by a man

who not only expected a woman in disguise,

but also had a real bad case of face blindness.

-And Lindsay joined the Love campaign -[chanting]

to take their message, that Marky had vowed to torpedo,

to the sea.

[Tobias] I think this is going to make quite a splash.

[Marky] Oh, I know it is.

♪ Don't want to be invisible Invisible, invisible ♪

They're gonna be talking about this bomb for years.

[Tobias] God, it is bad, isn't it?

Lindsay was right to discourage me.

-Tobias? -Marky?

If you're not Lindsay, then where is Lindsay?

-Isn't that her on the Love boat? -But I just put a bomb on the Love boat!

-What? Lindsay! -Lindsay!

-Lindsay, there's a bomb! -Lindsay!

-You gotta get off the boat! -[narrator] Turned out to be romantic...

There's a bomb on the Love boat!

-[gasping] -[cheers]

[narrator] ...that Lindsay and Tobias had matching suitcases.

And it was then that a juiced up Buster...

-[fireworks popping] -[whimpering]

[narrator] ...noticed something less romantic.

Oh, no.

I'm in the movie.

Oh, no!

{\an8}On the next Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences...

George Sr. gets more comfortable in hiding.

Detective Smee, Orange County Police. I need to speak with you.

Lucille Austero went missing last night.

You mind if we ask you a few questions?

Oh! I don't allow men in my apartment without my husband present.

[narrator] Although it was a pretty transparent story.

And Buster tries to cover his tracks...

Hey, neph! New hand.

It's cool. That's cool.

You know that super-duper privacy software you have?

Does that work on security cameras?

Of course, yeah. Works on everything.

May I borrow it?

One second...

Here you go, Uncle Buster. I put it on a hard drive for you.

-Just please be careful with it. -Of course, of course.

[shatters]

You got one with a case?

Hey, Carl.

Buster!

[narrator] Buster visits a Balboa Towers guard he'd known for many years

for an impromptu lesson on how their footage is gathered and stored.

May I use your phone?

[narrator] But when Carl steps away...

Buster goes into action and attempts to Fakeblock the footage.

Sounds like it's working.

[sighs]

[grunting]

[gasps]

-Buster. -Hey, Carl.

-Everything okay? -Mm-hmm.

What she did to this boy.

♪ It's not who we were It's not who we were ♪

♪ It's just who we are It's just who we are ♪

♪ I'm gonna stomp all over your face ♪

♪ Even if my heart won't snap back Into place ♪

♪ In your face ♪

♪ With you, with me, I am with you ♪

♪ Fantastic One! Fantastic One! ♪

♪ Fantastic Two! Fantastic Two! ♪

♪ Fantastic Three! Fantastic Three! Fantastic Four! ♪