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Cinco de Cuatro III

{\an8}[narrator]  This season on Arrested Development:

{\an8}Fateful Consequences...

After borrowing $700,000 from Lucille 2 to build Sudden Valley...

It's like a pet project. Thank you so much.

[narrator] The economy collapsed

and Michael was forced to move into his son's dorm.

We're like twins!

-[narrator] George Michael was growing up. -I hate my name.

[narrator] And when he voted his father out of the dorm...

Did he look betrayed to you?

[narrator] Michael was devastated.

-My son practically kicked me out. -That is literally what my son did to me.

[narrator] Although it did free him up to fall in love

for the first time since his wife,

to an actress he promised to put in a movie playing his wife.

Why don't you just say it?

[narrator] Michael tried to accept that she had another lover,

until he suspected

it was the brother he'd put in charge of selling the model home.

Kind of famousy.

[narrator] And although he was wrong about that...

I did what you said. I filled all your houses...

-[narrator] He was right to get angry. -with sex offenders.

[narrator] But Michael should've known Gob was a notorious commitment-phobe,

having performed an escape act as the Christian magician...

I am the amazing Jesus!

[narrator] That left his bride at the altar.

He's not coming back.

[narrator] Which he suspected was sabotaged by magician Tony Wonder.

Did somebody say "wondering"? Vamonos!

Yes, that makes sense. I use a mask myself in my act.

[narrator] Who billed himself as the "gay magician."

Now everybody's gay!

[narrator] Gob devised a plan...

I plan on making this person fall in love with me and destroying them by breaking their heart.

-He definitely thinks you're gay, right? -[narrator] That had a key flaw.

-You have to be careful. -It's in the bag.

[narrator] As Tony was when he heard about George Michael's software.

You know, that's my software.

[narrator] But it turns out  Gob and Tony actually had a lot in common...

-I love wine! -Red wine?

-I love red wine. Same! -Same!

-[narrator] Including saying the word... -Same!

[narrator] And although George Michael's software wasn't real...

I wanted to impress Maeby, so I told her that I created this privacy software.

[narrator] It did allow him to attempt an amend.

We could put you in a Bluth in no time. It'd make your dad proud.

[narrator] By buying a Bluth home on credit.

Ironically, however, it also impressed someone else.

A fact neither George Michael nor his father knew...

♪ I stole this fair young miss from a big shot George Ma-- ♪

[narrator] At first.

[bleeps]

[narrator] Michael decided it was time to deal

with Gob and the Sudden Valley problem.

Pervert. Excuse me.

Dad, hey.

George Michael, what are you doing here?

I'm home.

-Does it hurt? -No, no, no, it's fine.

You bought this house? Why would you buy one of these pieces of sh... short-term investments.

I have a lot of money coming in from investors for my software thing, and I don't know what's gonna happen with that, so I thought I'd do what everyone around here says, "Put it in a Bluth."

-Who else is saying that? -It's an expression. Neighbors.

I don't like it.

-Can I offer you anything? -No.

I just got two more boxes of Twister from the neighbors.

-Return them. -I have one for every day of the week.

I figure that worst-case scenario is I sell this place and get my money back.

It's not like they're going down in value.

It's a great community. Nobody locks their doors around here.

-You should. -Plus, I wanted to make it up to you.

I felt terrible about what happened with the dorm and...

-Wow. -And things between us.

And I've screwed up a lot of things in the past few weeks, and, you know, this is the one thing that I know I did right.

Thank you. Thanks, but you didn't need to do it for me, pal.

You know, to be totally honest, I didn't just do it for you.

-Yeah. -I also did it for my girlfriend.

Kind of wanted to impress her.

Wow. You got a girlfriend. Good for you. That's great. Congratulations.

Your dad's got one, too.

-Oh, yeah? -Yep.

How is yours going?

Not great.

I haven't been completely honest with her about who I am.

[narrator] And Rebel had finally had enough.

-A guy who keeps things anonymous. -I can do anonymous.

I'm all about staying anonymous. That's Fakeblock's mission statement.

I don't think I can keep that lie going, so... I think it might be over.

Oh, great.

Pain... fades... slowly.

Quickly.

Thanks. What about you? You're doing great.

Tell me about your girlfriend, and you're producing this movie now.

I think they're both over.

-Yeah, it wasn't meant to be. -I'm sorry.

Hey, you know what I miss on you? The mustache.

{\an8}Now the story of what happened

when the one man who was holding his family together

finally let go and the separate journeys

that eventually gave them no choice but to come back together.

{\an8}It's Arrested Development: Fateful Consequences.

{\an8}[man] On the fourth of May in the city of Newport Beach,

{\an8}there occurs a festival called the Cinco de Cuatro,

originally intended

to debilitate the next day's Cinco de Mayo celebration.

On this particular Cinco de Cuatro, however,

each member of the Bluth family would find their lives irreversibly changed

by the consequences of this fateful night.

[fireworks explode]

[narrator] Michael was discouraged.

And when he saw that Lucille 2 was having a campaign event at Cinco,

{\an8}he knew there was only one thing he could give her instead of the money.

And he knew what he had to do first to give it to her.

{\an8}Oh. Hi. Hey. Hi.

{\an8}-Michael, what happened? -Yeah.

{\an8}Oh, it's a terrible week.

{\an8}But I'm gonna fix things once and for all right now.

{\an8}-Is this about Love? -No, it's about money, but I'm...

{\an8}-I will pay her back one way or the other. -Who?

{\an8}Lucille 2. I'm gonna get her against the wall.

No, no, no. She cannot know about this wall.

{\an8}Fine, I'll get her up against the top of the stair car. I don't care.

-It's gonna happen, though. -That is great news.

Listen, I have to go.

I have to see if I can pass this testosterone test.

I do, too.

[narrator] George Michael, meanwhile, had a keynote speech to give

and hadn't fully decided whether he should come clean.

{\an8}My father's got the money. You guys are one heck of a horde.

{\an8}-Uncle Gob. -No, you're mistaken, friend.

{\an8}-No, it's George Michael. Hi. Exactly. -Yes.

{\an8}Hey, I'm actually really glad I ran into you. I could use some advice.

{\an8}Oh. Love each other.

{\an8}That's great, but I actually need a specific piece of advice

{\an8}for a certain situation. I'll give it to you fast.

{\an8}Basically, for the past few weeks, I've been living a lie.

{\an8}I've been in this relationship with a woman who doesn't even know...

It's probably over with the girl. I might have a chance...

[continues indistinctly]

...some software genius.

It's gone way too far and gotten out of control.

So, basically now I can either tell her that there is no George Maharis

{\an8}and never was, or we keep things anonymous

{\an8}and I continue the lie that Fakeblock exists.

From my perspective, something about "there's a girl..."

Did you... Does she like you? You're not the world's most handsome guy.

{\an8}-Yeah, no, she likes-- -I would say what I did take away was

{\an8}that I would rather have sex with someone because they thought I was someone else

{\an8}than not have sex with someone because they thought I was me.

So I should probably do the opposite of that and be true to who I am and not compromise my integrity

-just for some fleeting sexual experience. -There it is.

[narrator] It wasn't much help, and as George Michael headed off,

unsure of what to do, Gob went off to find his father,

when he ran into an almost ex-wife.

On Cinco, we break the stick and not the piñata, okay?

Look... Huh?

Well... How long has it been?

-Five years. -What are you doing here?

I'm taking my five-year-old to see Fantastic Four.

I'm pretty sure that's an adult... Wait, you have a five-year-old?

And his father's a magician.

Oh. It's not us.

Don't worry. It's not you. It was a real magician.

He took advantage of how angry I was when you wouldn't come out of that cave.

He promised me a life together and after he had his way with me, he never wanted to see me again.

I don't think there's anything wonderful about Tony Wonder.

-Are you kidding me? Are you saying-- -Yes.

Tony's straight?

[narrator] Gob felt betrayed.

How would you like to spend the night making revenge love?

[narrator] And as they both set off to sexually settle a score,

Michael was hoping to do the same thing.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna have sex with you for money.

{\an8}-Ow! -[gasps]

{\an8}I didn't realize how heavy these rings are.

But I thought you were gonna kiss me, and I panicked. [laughing]

I was gonna kiss you.

I didn't even try to do it that time.

So, it's "Let's take a tumble with Old Moneybags," right?

And she'll be so grateful that she'll walk away from $700,000.

No, no, no, it would absolutely not be a gift.

This would still be a loan, okay?

However, my lovemaking would be, you know...

What? What, Michael? What were you gonna say?

Something that I would never be able to take back, but...

I didn't want that to happen. Listen, you want this as much as I do.

As much as I want this extension. Two different this-es.

Now, you own a company that I helped to build.

It was all of my hard work.

This is something you have to do, because if you don't,

I can't be held responsible for what I might do.

[narrator] Michael wasn't the only Bluth who had a run-in with Lucille 2

-You can't do that. -You can't stop me.

I need to pay her back for everything she's done to me.

Give her a little show-and-tell. You're out!

Don't fire me. I'm on a work-release program.

Don't worry about Lucille 2. I'll handle her.

You kept me from mother? You sent her to prison?

[narrator] And soon the Mongols, who hadn't been paid by the Bluths,

-had a run in with everyone... -Viva Mongolia!

[narrator] Which led to this...

Put... up... this... wall!

[narrator] And as George Michael took to the stage,

and Buster found this...

-George Michael found this... -[screams]

And it's hard to know whether it was the chanting of "put up this wall"

or this note that promised him a sexual resumption

of his anonymous relationship with Rebel...

Yeah, so I'm George Maharis.

[narrator] That made him say this...

And... And Fakeblock is... real.

Let's put up this wall!

[crowd chanting] Put... up... this... wall! Put up this...

Let's put up this wall. Have a good night.

[narrator] But Rebel wasn't the only one who wanted to be anonymous.

And not everyone wants to put up a wall on the internet.

Ann soon arrived at the model home for a sexual act of revenge.

Yeah, okay. Well, don't get ready yet. Tony's not going to be here for a bit.

Tony?

You're having sex with Tony Wonder tonight.

Well, I thought we were having sex.

Oh! No, thank you. Listen, here's the plan.

This house is wired with hidden cameras from Entrap a Local Predator.

{\an8}There, there, there and there.

We're gonna destroy Tony's career by proving that he's straight when he has sex with you while you're wearing... this Gob mask.

Oh, and this little black mini robe.

Just to really sell that you're a man.

Why would I wear a Gob mask?

Tony's coming here expecting to have sex with me.

Look, in the act of having fake gay sex, you're gonna take off the mask to reveal that you're having real straight sex, destroying his career,

{\an8}and it's all gonna be captured on that camera.

{\an8}I don't want to have sex with Tony.

-Aren't you just a little cur... -I have a child with him!

Okay, yes, new plan.

I'm gonna wear this Tony Wonder mask. You're gonna wear the Gob mask, and...

I am gonna have sex with you. I'm sorry about all that.

And then, again, you're gonna rip off the Gob mask, the world will think he's straight, and it'll ruin his career.

That's great. Much simpler plan, thank you.

But the main event is us having this... pretend-gay-but-actually-straight sex.

And you know what it is? It's a straight bait.

I just realized, it's a straight bait. You ever watch those?

Good. And let me have the room, yeah. I need a little while to get same.

To be the same.

[narrator]  Downstairs, however, Tony had arrived early...

Hello.

[narrator] And was looking for a place to pop out of in case Gob said "Wonder."

-What a piece of sh-- -[Ann] Tony?

Hey... you.

It's Ann. Awfully funny time to run into you.

Yes, it is an awfully funny time to see you, too... you.

I know I owe you child support.

Don't worry, I got something big in the works.

That's why I came here. What are you doing here?

Gob invited me. He's planning on getting revenge on you.

[laughs] He would never do that.

Then why did he want to have sex with me with this on?

Tony?

Why would he do that? I thought he was gay.

-Tony, you're not gay, either. -That's business.

Why do you think David Geffen pretends to be gay?

You think the Shubert Organization would entrust a project like Dreamgirls to a straight producer?

If you wanted to be in the film version of a musical called The Magic Show, done in 1974 by another secretly straight guy named Doug Henning, you'd make it your business, too.

I mean, they can't give everything to Doogie Howser, right?

Biggest fake gay there is, by the way.

But if I fund it, then they can't say no to me.

But it's big money. I mean, 20, 30, 40 mil.

Fakeblock money. I can't believe I'm telling you all this. I--

I've been over-explaining the [bleeps] out of everything lately.

-You can't tell a soul. -No one I know will care.

Look, do you want to out Gob as gay so it'll ruin his career as the Christian magician?

-Yes. -You and I will have sex.

And you wear this Gob mask, and I'll wear a Tony Wonder mask.

Okay, I have two questions. One, are you going to move this time?

And two, why can't I just be me and you wear the Gob mask?

I just thought that if you had to have sex with a man, wouldn't it be more of a turn-on to have sex with someone that looks like you?

Okay, put these on and then meet me in the bedroom in five minutes for some serious secular intercourse.

-With myself! -Yeah.

-Same. -Same.

[narrator] And two men who never loved anyone but themselves...

-Become... same. -The same.

[narrator] Prepared to ruin each other's reputation.

-Same. -Same.

-Same. -Same.

[Gob] I should dim the lights.

[narrator] And that's how Ann not only performed a real-life version

of Tony's most beloved illusion...

Now everybody's gay!

[narrator] But was responsible for the first recorded instance

of a Christian straight-to-gay conversion.

Gob went downstairs to take a forget-me-now...

Is that you, Maria?

[narrator] When he bumped into a brother who also had a secret.

We did make quite a mess in that bedroom... Michael.

[narrator] And relished the opportunity to rub it in.

You could not make me feel worse right now.

I'd let you have your apology back if you give me the chance to try.

[narrator] But Gob soon softened.

{\an8}Hey, listen, Michael, if you want, we can split this.

No. Believe me, this is the last time I ever judge you for anything you do.

[bleeps]

Is that who you were with? I knew it, I always knew-- No, no.

[narrator] And an emboldened George Maharis gave Rebel a note

that she now believed he'd written for her.

And for the son, it was a night to remember.

-Put the mask back on! -For the father, a night to forget.

It's so easy to forget.

Michael woke up to a reminder of something horrible...

700,000. Think about it. That is a very big number.

700,000 abortions every year...

[narrator] The amount of money he owed

because Tobias wanted to mount this abortion...

[shouting]

And he did something that he never thought he'd do...

Hey, Lucille 2,

I was hoping that we could get together and talk about how I can repay you that loan.

[narrator] And had already done.

And then with nothing left to lose, he made another call.

Rebel! Yeah. Michael. I need to come over.

I don't want to act like it doesn't matter to me anymore

'cause it does.

-Well, there's somebody here right now. -I don't care.

I know the thing with the other guy, that's over, so we don't ever have to talk about that ever again.

Okay, well... You can come over later, okay?

-Goodbye. -I'll see you soon.

Who was that?

No one.

Look, I don't care.

I don't care that you're seeing someone else.

I-- I just-- I want to continue this.

I'm a grown-up man and...

I wanna get serious.

Wow. Serious. Things are getting serious.

[narrator] And the girl who was never capable of making a commitment...

Okay.

[narrator] Suddenly found herself making too many.

Okay.

Okay.

[narrator] George Michael felt good.

And at least for that day,

he wouldn't encounter his father in Rebel's bedroom...

He'd run into him leaving the building.

-Hey. What are you doing here? -I'm on a visit. I'm visiting.

My girlfriend lives here. Rebel.

Wow. So you're gonna work it out with your girlfriend.

Good for you. That's great news. Great to see you again.

That says "Rebel," huh? Is it... Is that a little gift for Rebel?

I'm dating Rebel Alley.

So there better be two Rebels in here, am I right?

-I'm dating Rebel Alley. -[laughs] That'd be weird.

No, ironically, she did say that there was another guy,

-but his name was George... Maharis. -Maharis. That's me.

You're George Michael.

No, but, yeah, but I use the name George Maharis when... with women, because I hate the name George Michael.

-I told you that. -This is...

-This is weird. Are you not kidding me? -It's insane. No.

So, you're the other guy.

-I'm the-- Well, you're the other guy. -Yeah, well, one of us.

Did I not tell you that we were alike? Exactly alike.

-This is just... too funny. -It's horrifying.

This is what I was talking about. I told you. I mean, we're like twins.

Are we not like twins? All the way down to the photo booth.

You name me one way in which we're different.

Well, Dad, you know, I never, in a million years, would have gone out with her if I knew that you were, you know, the other guy.

Me, neither.

I wouldn't have, either.

Damn it. You know? You gotta believe me. This is just...

-This is... -Yeah.

How'd you know about the photo booth?

'Cause you said, "Right down to the photo..."

I said, "Right down to the photo booth."

[narrator] Ironically, he could've told the truth

and said he'd taken a Forget-Me-Now,

but like the victim of a roofie circle,

having taken one was the only memory he had lost.

So, instead, he doubled-down on this...

It's like we're identical twin--

[rock music playing]

♪ Waiting, waiting ♪

♪ Heartbroken and frustrated ♪

♪ Hard to get around Without your love ♪

♪ I'm immune to the symptoms ♪

{\an8}♪ Of romantic affliction ♪

{\an8}♪ But I'm trying to see the light ♪

♪ Every time you say You're leaving again ♪

♪ I want you back, just like my I want you back, just like my ♪

♪ Boom boom boomerang ♪

♪ Boom boom boomerang ♪

♪ Boom boom boomerang ♪

{\an8}[narrator] On the next Arrested Development...

this happens...

Okay.

-Are you Buster Bluth? -I am. Okay, this...

-Can we come in? -This isn't my house.

-That's all right. -What is this regarding?

You're under arrest for the murder of Lucille Austero.

-Read him his rights. -I think there's been a mistake.

-The left hand might be difficult to cuff. -Trouble cuffing him.

-I'm not a monster! -I got it.

Yeah. All right, great.

{\an8}Well, the infamous Bluth family is at it again,

{\an8}this time facing murder charges,

and our Imagine cameras were there to capture it all.

Hey, did you see this?

Yeah, I saw it in the elevator. Is this the family?

-It sure is. -Wow. You got the rights to this?

Only for the killer, but that's enough for us to get a green light, right?

-Absolutely! It's our next Da Vinci Code! -Yay! That's great!

Plus, it's gonna put Imagine News on the map.

Remember, love each other.