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Mabel

[KEYS JINGLING]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I got some troubles But they won't last ♪

♪ I'm gonna lay right down here In the grass ♪

♪ And pretty soon all my troubles will pass ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm in shoo-shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo-shoo ♪

♪ Shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo Sugar Town ♪

[CUSTOMERS CHATTERING]

♪ I never had a dog that liked me some ♪

♪ Never had a friend or wanted one ♪

♪ So I just lay back and laugh at the sun ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm in shoo-shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo-shoo ♪

♪ Shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo Sugar Town ♪

♪ Yesterday it rained in Tennessee ♪

♪ I heard it also rained in Tallahassee ♪

♪ But not a drop fell on little old me ♪

♪ 'Cause I was in shoo-shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo-shoo ♪

♪ Shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo Sugar Town ♪

♪ If I had a million dollars or ten ♪

♪ I'd give it to ya, world, and then ♪

♪ You'd go away and let me spend ♪

♪ My life in shoo-shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo-shoo ♪

♪ Shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo Sugar Town ♪

♪ La-la-la-la La-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la La-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la La-la-la-la ♪♪

[SECURITY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER SPEAKERS]

OFFICER 1: Check over that way, would you? OFFICER 2: Will do.

OFFICER 1: You see a guy in a corduroy coat go by?

Sir?

Sir?

Young guy, dark hair, corduroy coat?

How about it?

Hey, Nick. Come here.

Wanna come on out here?

Go ahead and open your jacket for me.

I'm placing you under arrest, sir. Put your hands on your head, please.

-Nick, wanna grab those for me? OFFICER 2: You got it.

All right, let's go.

Nice job.

Say nothing. You understand? Get a lawyer.

Get a lawyer.

Asshole.

-Ladies. WOMAN: Hey, Gene.

Nice lunch?

Oh, yeah. What you need?

WOMAN: Rolls about to come out.

You got it.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

JIMMY: So can I, uh, tell Howard...

...you're not quitting, or retiring or whatever?

And can we take all this shit down off the walls?

I'm gonna go call Howard.

CHUCK: Jimmy.

You do realize you just confessed to a felony?

JIMMY: I guess.

But you feel better, right?

Besides, it's your word against mine.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[CHUCK SHUDDERS]

JIMMY: Absolutely.

Coming back.

What's it matter what I said, Howard?

Why are you looking a gift horse in the mouth? He just--

Yeah. Well, whatever it was, he's over it now. All right?

And by the way, you're welcome.

Well, Howard's breathing again. You made him very happy.

Jimmy.

Jimmy, if you're gonna help...

...at least use a little finesse, won't you?

-Finesse? What do you--? -Quit yanking at it. You're--

You're pulling the varnish right off the walnut.

-I'm not pulling any varnish off the walnut. -You most certainly are. Look. Look. See?

Maybe you should've thought about the walnut...

-...before you covered it in duct tape. -I don't need your help.

-I don't recall ever asking for it. -I'm sorry. Okay?

Finesse. Fine. Show me. Demonstrate.

Like this.

Gently roll it with your thumbs.

Left and then right.

You see? Alternate the thumbs.

Up and down.

Ahem. Get a nice tight roll going.

Sorry. I think you're the one that needs a nice tight roll.

Come on. Show me.

Gently. Gently.

Left, then right.

Left, right.

I get it. Wax on, wax off.

Mr. Miyagi.

Karate Kid.

Seriously?

Oh, my God.

The Adventures of Mabel. I--

I haven't thought about this in forever. Remember this?

I do.

-Harry Thurston Peck. -Yeah.

Mabel goes into the mountain...

...and she meets the king of the brownies, and he gives her...

...some kind of super-delicious jelly, and--

Holy crap. 1912.

Yeah. Belonged to Grammy Davenport.

She wrote her name in it.

She was reading that to her school kids the year the Titanic went down.

Damn.

Then Mom read it to me.

I read it to you.

You don't remember.

Yeah. Yeah.

I do now that you say it. Yeah.

What was I, like 5 or 6?

You had had...

...this weird nightlight that you were so crazy about.

It was, um--

It was Daffy Duck.

It was some Daffy Duck rip-off with this weird red bill.

-Mouth. Oh, yeah. The bill. -Yeah.

It used to get so hot, we thought it'd burn the house down...

-...but you wouldn't let anybody touch it. -Honest to--

You got a great memory, Chuck.

That red bill and everything. Hey.

What was the name of that little girl that lived three houses up from us?

-She had, like, a pageboy haircut... -Jimmy.

...and she was always in the dirt, always dirty.

-I liked her, and she was always-- -Jimmy. Jimmy.

Don't think I'll ever forget what happened here today.

And you will pay.

You didn't mention my garden.

Your garden is part of your backyard...

...so it's included in the property that goes to Jenn.

It comes with the house, Mom.

Well, I think you need to mention it by name...

...in case some dirty judge decides to play tricks.

Okay. We can do that.

Let's see.

Garden.

Hey, I'm back. Oh, hi, ladies. Jimmy McGill.

Hey, Jimmy. We are almost done here.

-Great. Can I--? -We're almost done.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Oh.

And mention my lily pond.

It's in my garden.

Lily pond.

KIM: Okay, ladies. JENN: Thanks so much for your help.

KIM: You're very welcome. Thank you for being so patient.

And, Mrs. Aherne, if you or Margaret ever need anything from me...

...anything at all, you can call me day or night.

This is Mrs. Siemasko and her daughter Jenn.

I'm sorry. I get my wires crossed a little.

-Bye. MRS. SIEMASKO: Bye.

-Drive safe. JENN: Thank you.

Okay. Thank you.

You are a superhero.

I owe you big time.

Huh.

So how's Chuck?

Crisis averted, I guess. I mean...

...he's back to being the same old Chuck, so....

Wanna talk about it?

Depends.

It may or may not involve...

...that thing you said you never, ever wanted to discuss.

Okay. Then thanks.

I gotta get back to it.

How about we call it a day? I'll buy you some dinner.

You're kidding, right?

You realize how far behind I am...

...not to mention, now I've got eight wills to finish?

What? I'll do the wills.

-No, you won't. -Of course I will...

...do the wills. They're my clients.

They're my clients. You and I aren't partners, remember?

Once I take people on, I can't just reassign them to you.

Oh, come on. Why you getting all, like, legal on me, huh?

Who cares?

I told every single one the situation: that they'd be getting me instead of you.

I tried to talk them into coming another day.

Six left. Maybe you'll get those back.

-Look. If this is about the money-- -It's not about the money.

You can keep the money.

Don't act like I wanted this.

Jesus, like I need more on my plate?

Are you mad?

I'm not mad.

I'm just, uh...

...thinking about things.

For 10 minutes today, Chuck didn't hate me.

I forgot what that felt like.

CHUCK [OVER RECORDER]: Jimmy.

You do realize you just confessed to a felony?

JIMMY: I guess.

But you feel better, right?

Besides, it's your word against mine.

CHUCK: That's the end of it.

Howard.

-That's the end. -Mm.

[SWITCHES OFF RECORDER]

Could you...?

Oh. Yeah.

Well, now do you believe me?

I don't even know where to begin.

But yes, I believe you.

Your brother is one world-class son of a bitch.

No offense.

I just really wish you'd told me about these plans of yours...

-...before you went out and did it. -I know, Howard, and I regret misleading you.

It's just that a certain vérité had to be established.

I'm not talking about the heart attack that you nearly gave me.

Chuck, this tape.

I'm not sure exactly what it accomplishes.

You know evidentiary rules better than I do...

...but a secretly recorded tape with a problematic chain of evidence?

Gonna have a hell of a time getting that admitted.

-I agree. -And if you put it in front of a jury...

...Jimmy'd call a dozen audio experts to say that voice isn't his, tape had been edited.

He would, indeed.

Are you thinking about playing this for Kevin Wachtell at Mesa Verde?

Because as much as I would love to, that ship has sailed.

We're never getting them back, regardless.

Oh, I doubt we could even get in the door over there.

If that tape is useless in a court of law and no help in the court of public opinion...

...what's the point?

Because I can't think of a single use for it.

I can.

[CAR HORN BLARING]

[♪♪♪]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[♪♪♪]

Hey, mister.

We're closing in 15 minutes.

[SCOFFS]

Call me a cab, will you?

What about your vehicle?

Keep it.

MAN: Five J's Auto Salvage.

Broadway, at Bobby Foster's.

Yeah. Ehr-- Ehr-- Ehr--

How is it again?

Ehrmantraut.

Yeah. Ehrmantraut.

Yeah.

Just tell him to pull up to the gate and honk.

Okay.

Thanks.

They're on their way.

Thank you.

[TSKS THEN GROANS]

Do you sell a gas cap for an '87 Caprice wagon?

Should. GM cap should be the blue on the bottom there.

[♪♪♪]

You're sure I can't help carry those to your car, Mrs. Vankamp?

Don't be a silly.

I only hope I didn't take too much of your time with all my dusty old photos.

Goodness, no. Your grandson's wedding was gorgeous.

When I come back, I'll show you my niece's confirmation.

-Wait till you see the flowers. -Oh!

-Roses, petunias, orchids. -Uh-huh. Yes.

-They don't smell, you know. Baby's breath. -Well--

-And bachelor buttons. Lilies of the valley. -Okay.

-Well, I'll believe it when I see it. -Daisies. Daisies don't tell.

Now I've got something to look forward to. Okay, bye.

-Bye. -See you.

[SIGHS]

Thank you for waiting so patiently. Who do we have next?

That'd be me.

Hello, hello.

It's so good to see you again.

I escorted you and your clients onto my base.

I treated you with hospitality and respect.

Now I come to find every word out of your mouth is a damn lie.

Captain, please, sit down, take a load off.

Hey, I'll get you a complimentary coffee, or a soft drink?

And your so-called war hero, "Fudge" Talbot?

No such person. Never was.

Granted, some artistic license may have been taken.

You entered government property under false pretenses, sir.

I am no expert on your procedures and protocols and whatnot...

...so if we failed to cross a T or dot an I...

...I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding.

-No, it's not a misunderstanding. -Step back. Big picture this.

What damage was done?

Hey, who was hurt, huh?

What was damaged? The base is still there, right?

-The B-52 is, I presume, still--? -B-29.

-Huh? -B-29. Fifi's a B-29.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, this is all just one big joke to you. Huh?

-You don't like the commercial. -I don't.

-But this has nothing to do-- -Constructive criticism is welcome.

But you should realize that most people find it uplifting.

Patriotic, even.

Check recruiting numbers. I think you'll see an uptick.

And you know what? If it turns out Fudge wasn't in the war--

Fudge is not a person. He wasn't in the war.

Well, neither was Tom Cruise, and look what Top Gun did for you.

You lied to me.

You lied to my face, and I can't let you get away with it.

I think we just-- We're just gonna have to agree to disagree.

So can I get you that coffee to go, or--?

No, no, I'm gonna tell you what's happening now.

You're gonna take that ad off the air.

And if you play it one more time, I'll go to the judge advocate, and we'll take you down.

Trespassing, false representation, stolen valor, the whole nine yards.

For eight seconds of a TV commercial?

You take that ad down, or there'll be hell to pay.

That clear enough for you?

Make me.

-Yeah? Make you? -Heh. Yeah.

Let's do this. Bring your commander here.

I'll explain how you let us on the base, red-carpet treatment--

Because you lied your way in.

Not how I remember it, and I've got witnesses to back me up.

Do you like being an Air Force captain? Huh?

Think the United States wants to bring action against an old man in a wheelchair?

He was standing on TV.

He wasn't even in a wheelchair.

Periodically he is, and when he shows up in court...

...you better believe he'll be in a wheelchair.

You're an ambulance-chasing piece of shit. All the same.

Always on a high horse, always trying to make me feel like I'm--

Look, um...

...I'm a lawyer, and this is what I do all day, every day, so how about this?

I won't fly jet planes.

You stay out of court. Does that sound good?

You know, guys like you...

...you think you're so damn smart.

And you think you don't have to play straight with anybody.

The wheel is gonna turn.

It always does.

"A lawyer you can trust," my ass.

Thank you for your service.

Three-thirty in the morning? Seriously?

Can you get me that?

I don't know.

-It's a real thing? -Yeah.

Then yeah. I know someone who can get it.

How much?

What do I look like, RadioShack?

It's gonna cost you whatever it costs me, plus my end.

Well, let's start with that.

Normally, be about 500...

...but seeing that this is an after-hours house call...

...let's make it a grand.

Hey, how's the pup?

Doing okay?

-Yeah. -She's not being left alone all day, is she?

-She's got plenty of company. -Good.

Hey, this is gonna take me a few days, so...

...I'll let you know.

And next time...

...let's try to make business happen during business hours.

Mm-hm.

Well, this will certainly help my Thursday PowerPoint.

Excellent.

That's a draft letter from Kevin to the Arizona regulator.

I know he likes the personal touch.

He's gonna love it.

I can't believe you did all of this in three days.

Am I reading this right?

Did you get the rehearing moved up?

Yeah. Those are three possible dates, pending your and Kevin's schedule.

The soonest I could get is the 4th.

You moved it up almost three weeks.

I'll give it another shot and see if I can do better.

Ha, ha! Are you kidding me?

Kevin will be popping champagne.

-I knew you were the right one for this. -Well, I appreciate the opportunity.

You should've heard how that arrogant jerk spoke to me at the hearing.

Right there in front of Kevin, he accuses me of muddying the waters.

Muddying the waters.

I mean, he's the one who can't even get the address right.

Yeah. That's-- Wow!

I know you have friends over at HHM, and they sure talk a good game, but come on.

Guys like that, when crunch time comes, it's always someone else's fault.

Paige?

I'm sorry to interrupt. It's almost 11:30.

Thanks, Greta. I'll be right up.

PAIGE: So are we still on for lunch Tuesday?

KIM: Absolutely, and, Paige, thank you for everything.

No. Thank you for cleaning up that mess McGill left behind.

Would you mind if I messenger that over tomorrow morning, first thing?

I'd like to take one last look before we submit, just...

...double-check a few things.

Sure.

So tomorrow, first thing?

Absolutely.

Thanks.

-I'll see you, Paige. -Okay, bye.

How's it coming in there?

Good.

-Don't mean to rush you. -No. It's okay.

I'm done.

Half a rainbow?

Wanna keep going till you do the whole thing?

No. If you're done, I'm done.

You know, your clients seem to like that rainbow.

Think they're gonna miss it?

Wait till they see what's going up next.

They're gonna love it. You're gonna love it.

Yeah? Should I be worried?

Nope.

What do you say we get the hell out of here?

Sounds good.

You ready to hit it?

Sorry. I just need to check one thing.

It'll be two minutes. Tops.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

CHUCK: Ernesto.

ERNESTO: Good morning, Mr. McGill.

They didn't have Fuji apples, so I got you Honeycrisp.

-Hope that's all right. -I'm sure it'll be fine.

Did you get the, uh--?

Yeah. I got them.

I went ahead and I figured I should maybe....

I wrapped them up, you know? For safety.

That's very thoughtful of you, but I need them now, so....

-You sure it's okay? -It's okay.

Ahem. Um....

Yep.

Perfect.

[GROANING]

Shit.

Ah!

Ernesto, could you come in here, please?

Thought I could do this myself.

Would you mind changing the batteries?

Sure thing, Mr. McGill.

Thanks.

JIMMY [OVER RECORDER]: I changed 1261 to 1216. It was me.

Turn that off. Turn it off.

-It all went exactly-- -Turn it off!

Uh!

You did not hear that!

All right.

Okay, Ernesto...

...this is my fault, not yours.

Um.... But now that you've heard it, you need to understand something.

You know about confidentiality, right?

As employees of Hamlin Hamlin McGill, you and I are both bound by the strictures...

...of client confidentiality.

By law. Both of us. By law.

You understand what I'm saying?

-So I'm not supposed to tell anyone? -That's right.

No matter who, no matter what reasons you think you might have...

...you must not-- You cannot tell anyone.

There could be terrible consequences.

Life-changing consequences.

And we don't want you to get into trouble.

If something were to happen to you because of this...

...I'd feel sick about it.

Okay.

Enough said.

I guess I'll go finish putting away the groceries. Okay?

Thank you, Ernesto.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[DEVICE BEEPS]

Hmm....

MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]: Tuesday, high temperatures will be in the mid-60s...

...with five- to 10-mile-per-hour winds...

...but expect scattered showers Tuesday night with lows in the 40s.

Wednesday will be partly cloudy with high temperatures in the mid-50s.

The Grants area will have temperatures in the mid-40s...

...with southwest winds 15 to 20 miles per hour.

Now let's get back to more of your favorite sound: Souvenir Oldies...

...with the Steve Ricketts Program on KDSK, 92.7 FM.

MAN 2: Thank you, Derek. Love those temperatures. It's almost like--

[SONG PLAYING OVER STATIC]

[TRANSMISSION STOPS]

[SIGHS]

[VEHICLE APPROACHES]

[GAS CAP RATTLING]

[♪♪♪]

[DEVICE BEEPS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]