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Something Stupid

[JIMMY SIGHS]

[WATER TRICKLING]

[TOOTHBRUSH TAPPING]

[WATER TRICKLING]

[TOOTHBRUSH TAPS]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I know I stand in line Until you think you have the time ♪

♪ To spend an evening with me ♪

The chair....

♪ And if we go someplace to dance ♪

♪ I know that there's a chance You won't be leaving with me ♪

♪ Then afterwards we drop Into a quiet little place ♪

♪ And have a drink or two ♪

♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪

♪ By saying something stupid Like, "I love you" ♪

[KIM SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪

♪ That you despise The same old lines ♪

♪ You heard the night before ♪

♪ And though it's just a line to you For me it's true ♪

♪ It never seemed so right before ♪

♪ I practice every day To find some clever lines to say ♪

♪ To make the meaning come through ♪

♪ But then I think I'll wait Until the evening gets late ♪

♪ And I'm alone with you ♪

♪ The time is right Your perfume fills my head ♪

♪ The stars get red And, oh, the night's so blue ♪

♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪

♪ By saying something stupid Like, "I love you" ♪

♪ The time is right Your perfume fills my head ♪

♪ The stars get red And, oh, the night's so blue ♪

♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪

♪ By saying something stupid Like, "I love you" ♪

KIM: So they claim the infrastructure is....

[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

♪ I can see it in your eyes That you despise the same old lines ♪

♪ You heard the night before ♪

♪ And though it's just a line to you For me it's true ♪

♪ It never seemed so right before ♪

♪ I practice every day To find some clever lines to say ♪

♪ To make the meaning come through ♪

♪ But then I think I'll wait Until the evening gets late ♪

♪ And I'm alone with you ♪

♪ The time is right Your perfume fills my head ♪

♪ The stars get red And, oh, the night's so blue ♪

♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪

♪ By saying something stupid Like, "I love you" ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪♪

[JIMMY CLEARS THROAT]

[♪♪♪]

You made it. Come on in.

Picture a reception desk right here.

Right? It's always nice to be greeted by a friendly face.

Now, over in this corner, we got a fireplace...

...with a cozy waiting area.

Couch, couple chairs.

Watercooler.

Electric kettle, maybe an assortment of teas.

This is my office in here.

Guess what, these are all original fixtures.

So that's....

We're four blocks from the courthouse, so how convenient is that?

Now, there's a bathroom, and it's-- It's cute. Heh. Uh....

[GRUNTS]

Phew. We're gonna get that cleaned out.

There's a shower in there when you're buried in discovery late at night.

This is for the partner.

Corner office.

Lots of natural light.

And that's great for your circadian rhythms.

Cherry blossoms, that's nice. And, uh....

One, two, three, four, five, six.

It's pretty big.

Uh, there's a kitchenette down the hall.

Uh, it's kind of perfect for snacks or BYO lunch.

Get one of those snazzy Keurigs, put that in there.

Stick a few potted plants around, make the place nice.

What do you think?

So no more cell phones?

No, but this is what the phones were for.

So if you were a lawyer, this would be a great place, right?

If I was a lawyer...

...nope.

Big glass high-rise.

-Fortieth floor. -Big glass high-rise?

Yeah, when I'm not on my boat.

BRUCKNER [IN SPANISH]: All right, Hector...

...is this--?

Is this green?

Is this green?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Excellent, Hector!

Is this person angry?

Is this person happy?

Very good! That was much faster.

[IN ENGLISH] Oh, let's just hold off on lunch for a few minutes.

-Just set the tray on the side. -Of course, doctor.

BRUCKNER [IN SPANISH]: We'll get back to work in just a second.

Sorry, I'll take care of that.

It's okay, Hector. Just a muscle spasm.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Good. Let's continue.

Hector.

Are you with me?

Hm?

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Is this Paris?

Anyone in particular you want me to talk to...

-...or not talk to? -Ha-ha.

Talk to anyone.

Really, just have fun.

Don't worry. They're gonna love you.

-Yeah, hi. How are you? -Hi, this is Jimmy McGill. Heh-heh.

MAN: Nice to meet you. -Hi. Great to be here.

-Ron, this is Jimmy. -Hi, Ron.

-Hey, Jimmy. -Gotta say, I'm obsessed with your tie.

KIM: Your husband make it? I didn't see him.

No? Okay. Excuse me one second.

Hey, guys. Jimmy, this is Gary and Stef. They work on Mesa Verde with me.

The famous Gary and the famous-er Stef.

Kim says you're the absolute best.

KIM: Ken, ate a lot of cake with that. -Oh, here it is.

This is for us. Debbie, one for you.

-There you go. One for Zack. -Thank you.

One for Viola.

And you know what? Two for Lewis...

-...because he skipped lunch to work. ZACK: Really?

[SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING OUTSIDE]

One, two, three, four, five, six...

...seven, eight, nine, 10.

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

KIM: So was Jill there at the retreat?

RICH: No. She came later. KIM: Oh, okay.

RICH: She was a client.

KIM: Really? WOMAN 1: Oh, yeah.

KIM: Do you guys do theater retreats?

RICH: No, absolutely not. Might be a little different this year.

-Not sweating with your coworkers. -[WOMEN LAUGHING]

I heard Packard-Kilber is taking their whole company to a resort...

...outside of Santa Fe. It's pretty-- Pretty ritzy.

Oh, we're just talking about company retreats.

Oh. That's a great idea. Where are we going?

Sorry, pal. Employees only.

Oh, darn it. Ha-ha-ha.

I'm thinking of splurging this year.

Don't wanna be outdone by the competition.

You know, word gets out you're a cheapskate.

Sure, sure. That's hard to shake off.

I've heard Ten Thousand Waves is supposed to be amazing.

I love that place.

Or Carlsbad Caverns?

I still think Taos is number one. I love a ski trip.

-I think it'd be good for team-building. -Taos.

That's nice.

Feel free to jump in. We're just spitballing here.

[KIM CHUCKLING]

I don't-- Heh, I mean....

Well, I mean, if you're up for adventure, you know where the great skiing is?

Well, it's Telluride.

Hm, okay. That's kind of a long drive, isn't it?

Eh-- That could be part of the fun.

You know, uh, rent one of those fancy party buses.

Stick Sound of Music on the TV...

...everybody sings. Pretty soon, you're there.

And I gotta say, the runs in Telluride...

...they make Taos look like a bunny slope.

Telluride, huh?

-It's worth considering. -And parkas.

-Everybody's gotta have parkas. -Of course.

No, I'm talking custom parkas.

Two words: "client development."

They see all of you out there cutting the powder...

...in your matching Schweikart & Cokely parkas...

...you'll make an impression.

You will thank me later.

-You certainly don't think small. JIMMY: Heh-heh.

Shit, you know what? Aspen. Hey, that's where you wanna go.

Aspen is like Telluride on steroids.

You got shopping, you got restaurants and spas.

Talk about client development, it's a billionaire's playground.

WOMAN 2: Yeah.

Jimmy, Aspen is like a nine-hour bus ride.

Ow. You're right, you're right.

Nine hours, that-- That is a long time to be sitting on a bus.

-Yes, it is. -But what's that I hear?

[IMITATES JET ENGINE WHIRRING]

I'm a private-charter jet.

And I'm sorry, I'm very busy right now.

I'm transporting 56 distinguished attorneys...

...to their amazing destination. Aspen, here we come.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Come on, Rich. You're gonna love it.

Well, that was something.

Yep.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[♪♪♪]

[TRUCK BEEPING]

♪ Oh, the buzzin' of the bees And the cigarette trees ♪

♪ The soda water fountain ♪

♪ Where the lemonade springs And the bluebird sings ♪

♪ In that Big Rock Candy Mountain ♪

♪ On a summer's day ♪

[DOOR BUZZING]

♪ In the month of May A burly bum come hiking ♪

♪ Down a shady lane Near the sugar cane ♪

♪ He was looking for his liking ♪

♪ As he strolled along he sung a song Of a land of milk and honey ♪

♪ Where a bum can stay for many a day And he won't need any money ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho, ho ♪

[TRUCK BEEPING]

♪ The buzzin' of the bees And the cigarette trees ♪

♪ The soda water fountain ♪

♪ Where the lemonade springs And the bluebird sings ♪

♪ In that Big Rock Candy Mountain ♪

♪ In the Big Rock Candy Mountain ♪

♪ The cops have wooden legs ♪

♪ The bulldogs all have rubber teeth And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs ♪

♪ The farmers' trees are full of fruit The barns are full of hay ♪

♪ I want to go Where there ain't no snow ♪

♪ Where the sleet don't fall And the winds don't blow ♪

♪ In that Big Rock Candy Mountain ♪

♪ Oh, the buzzin' of the bees And the cigarette trees ♪

♪ The soda water fountain ♪

♪ Where the lemonade springs And the bluebird sings ♪

♪ In that Big Rock Candy Mountain ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho, ho ♪

♪ The buzzin' of the bees And the cigarette trees ♪

♪ The soda water fountain ♪

♪ Where the lemonade springs And the bluebird sings ♪

♪ In that Big Rock Candy Mountain ♪♪

BRUCKNER [IN ENGLISH]: He's making progress on the stroke scale.

He started at a 30, that number's steadily coming down.

He's at a 22 right now.

And he's made modest improvement in his ataxia.

-Which is loss of-- -Loss of body movement.

Yes.

Well, this all sounds quite positive.

[KNIFE CHOPPING]

But you know the question that I will ask.

Is it him?

Is it the Hector Salamanca you knew?

I think, at this point, that's almost a philosophical question.

What I can tell you is that he's more responsive.

He's making incremental improvements almost every day.

I think if you see the evidence, you'll be very encouraged.

You'll see this was an especially-productive session.

GUS: Mm.

[BRUCKNER SPEAKING SPANISH ON VIDEO]

I know it may seem like a small thing, that same exchange...

...would've taken four times as long a month ago.

And a month before that, he couldn't respond at all.

All his vital signs have improved.

Also, I've been tracking his progress using the SIS...

...with a particular focus on hand mobility...

...since that's his mode of communication.

Has he done that before?

BRUCKNER: The cup? GUS: Mm.

That was likely an involuntary movement.

[CLICKS]

[♪♪♪]

Do you think that was purposeful?

-You've done magnificent work. -Oh.

Thank you.

I understand that construction on your clinic is nearly complete.

I trust the work is to your specifications.

That's putting it mildly. The new wing is simply extraordinary.

We'll be able to care for so many patients...

...who would've been tossed aside.

I've kept you from your work long enough.

-Oh-- -It is time...

...to delegate Mr. Salamanca's care.

His recovery has been remarkable.

And my gratitude to you is beyond words.

Are you sure?

Hector's progress is very promising.

With sustained intensive care, he may eventually learn...

...how to talk and even walk again.

Hm. Perhaps.

We should temper our expectations.

I believe the paila marina is ready.

[CHATTERING IN GERMAN]

WERNER: Now that the boys have built the concrete forms...

...we're nearly ready to pour the walls.

And when's that going to happen?

First, there must be one more blast.

I thought we were done with that.

Almost done, yes.

But we must clear that rock to make way for the elevator shaft.

Just one more.

Carefully shaped to keep from damaging the work.

How big a pop are we talking about?

[KAI SHOUTING IN GERMAN]

[CASPER SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

[IN GERMAN] Do you know how long it's going to take to fix that?

Maybe you like living in this hole, but we want to go home!

[KAI SHOUTS IN GERMAN]

CASPER [IN ENGLISH]: Hey, asshole.

[IN GERMAN] You're not the big boss here.

[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

[MEN SHOUTING IN GERMAN]

[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

[MIKE WHISTLES]

[IN GERMAN] Boys! Cool it!

[GROANS]

[CAR APPROACHES WITH RAP MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Yo, Saul. Three.

Coming right up.

There you go.

-See you. -Yes, you will.

What can I do you for?

-This you? Saul Goodman? -Uh....

That's right, officer.

[CHUCKLES]

You wanna know where I got it?

Off a drug dealer who got sprung today...

...because he was using a drop phone that you sold him.

Huh.

Doesn't bother you that you're peddling to lowlifes...

...who use these things to sell drugs?

What my customers do with the phones after they leave my possession...

...that's their business.

Let me ask you a favor, all right?

Get your van out of here, park in front of a grocery store in Corrales.

Some place nice, and sell there.

You know, I'm sure there's a lot of soccer moms...

...that can use some phones.

I don't know. I think my customer base is right here.

-Get some new customers. -I don't feel the need to.

See, I got a permit...

...and I'm collecting sales tax and this is a legitimate business.

So anyone who wants to buy a phone from me...

-...is free to do so. -I'm asking nicely.

And I respectfully decline.

-You're going this way? -There it is.

What'll it be? It's gonna be littering...

...rolling through a stop sign? How about you plant something...

-...in my glove compartment? -Take it easy.

Maybe this is why people need privacy, why they need my phones.

-Maybe you're the problem. -As long as you make a buck...

-...the world can go in the crapper? -Yeah.

[BLUES MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[MUFFLED] No, no, no. He's a cop.

[THUDS]

[GRUNTS, THEN GROANS]

He's a cop.

JIMMY: This was all just a mistake.

My friend got confused. He was just trying to do his job.

I hired him for security. He was protecting me.

You're in plain clothes, he had no idea you were an officer.

-Oh, he knew, all right. -How?

I picked him up three years ago.

-Really? -Yeah. Pickpocketing.

Wha--? Three years, that's a long time.

I mean, how can you be sure it's the same guy?

-Seriously? -Officer, look...

...you were right, I was wrong.

Were you now?

Yes, and you know what else?

You will not see me here selling my phones ever again.

Right? So just do me a favor, let's just shake hands...

...avoid the paperwork and we just go home.

Do you a favor?

I was asking you for a favor.

-Fair enough. -I asked nicely...

...and you told me to go screw myself.

I don't-- I don't think I used those words.

COP: See you around.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[CHATTERING ON TV AND PINBALL MACHINE BLEEPING]

[DOOR BUZZING]

[CHIMING]

Michael.

Glad that you can join me for my happy hour.

[MIKE GRUNTS]

[IN ENGLISH] It doesn't look so happy to me.

They'll feel better after...

...how do you say it, uh, Mittagsschläfchen?

When in kindergarten, the whole class has a nice little rest.

Uh-- Nap time.

Nap time.

Good.

Now say, "Mittagsschläfchen."

-Mittag-- -Mittagsschläfchen.

Mittagsschläfchen.

WERNER: Good. Good, Michael.

-Pilsner or lager? MIKE: Lager.

[IN GERMAN] Naps are for old farts like you.

And his German...

...sounds stupid.

He said you sound like a real kraut.

How do you say "bullshit"?

Mmm, "bullshit."

Yeah, that.

But really, you're one of us, Michael.

"Ehrmantraut" in German, it comes from two words.

"World" plus "strength."

Yeah, I guess.

What's the latest?

Before we can continue...

...we must build a new concrete form and straighten the rebar.

I'm so sorry.

I'm happy to explain the delay to Mr. Fring.

You don't worry about Mr. Fring. He just wants to see it done right.

-Let me ask you a question. -Of course.

What would happen if we sent Kai back to Germany?

Not good.

Kai is my best demolition man.

Sure, he's a Großmaul. Bab-bab-bab.

But he's a good boy. They all are.

Maybe that's the problem, they're boys.

Well, yes.

We need young people to do this work. Or maybe you and I will do it?

No.

They thought they were going to be here for eight months...

...and they can see we're not even halfway done.

You have done a wonderful job, Michael.

You brought everything we could ask for.

But you can't keep men locked away forever.

They need fresh air, a change of scenery.

And, uh....

[FANS CHEERING ON TV]

You understand?

R and R.

WERNER: Hm?

Rest and relaxation.

Precisely. This is what they need.

R and R.

Prost, Michael.

Prost.

Two and a half years.

Yeah, they always go for the max. Come on, now. They'll come down.

P.D. didn't make it sound promising.

Guy's-- He's just a burnout.

He's trying to soften you up for an easy deal.

All right? There's no way you'd do that kind of time.

-You're goddamn right. -You're goddamn right.

Wait, uh, what do you mean?

I'm gonna bounce.

I got places I can go.

No. No, that's not a good idea, Huell.

Better than going in.

Come on, you'll have a warrant on you.

And that shit doesn't go away.

You know, three years from now you're pulled over for a broken taillight...

...now you're not just a guy who shoved a cop.

You're a guy who shoved a cop and ran.

Well, I just won't drive with a broken taillight.

Sooner or later they're gonna catch up with you.

They didn't get D.B. Cooper.

[JIMMY SIGHS]

Why don't you, uh--?

Why don't you give me a shot at this?

I think I can fix it.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

What if I told you you're not going in?

Like, not at all?

Not never? Because that's what it's gonna take.

Yeah. Never.

All right? Just don't skip.

How you gonna do that? You ain't even a lawyer.

A lawyer.

Dude, I don't need to be a lawyer, all right? Heh.

I'm a magic man.

Will you have a little faith in me?

See, now, I would help Huell myself if I could...

...but I don't think he'll wait a month for me to be reinstated.

You've been selling drop phones?

-On the street? -Kim, I-- I just-- If we could, uh....

Look, Kim...

...here's what I'm thinking:

I did a little recon, and the arresting officer...

...he has a DUI, you know, eight years ago.

He's been put on desk duty twice. I know he has anger issues.

I can attest to it, right?

So we get him smelling like a distillery and we piss him off in court.

Now, he will take the bait. He'll lose his cool in front of the judge.

A little stumble in there just for dramatic effect...

...and I have some thoughts on how to engineer that...

...but you get the gist.

Next thing you know, case dismissed.

[STAMMERS]

Oh....

[KIM SIGHS]

[BEEPS]

Viola, can you get me case material for penal code 3422?

Sections 22 to 27.

Yeah, battery on a PO. Mm-hm.

Thanks.

Great. What's our first move?

I'm not tearing down a cop.

That's okay.

You tell me.

I will look into this.

Not making any promises, but if it is as bad as you say it is...

...I don't know, maybe there is something I could do.

Maybe.

Uh....

Thanks, Kim.

Listen, I really appreciate it.

Okay.

And tell me if there's anything I can do.

Yup.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, Viola, can you just...?

Thank you.

Oh, I got it.

Hope that wasn't a bribe.

-Wow, that would be one sad bribe. -Heh.

Not on my salary.

Do you have a minute to discuss a case?

Sure. I got two minutes.

I can't help but think you guys are reaching with this one.

Where have I heard that before?

-Babineaux. -Babineaux?

Really?

Doesn't seem like your kind of client.

I disagree.

To start with, the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

Pickpocket with a rap sheet attacks a cop in broad daylight?

That's a misunderstanding?

Uh, I would not call it an attack.

Realistically, we should be talking misdemeanor.

It's battery on a PO.

-That's 18 months plus a year-- -A bitch time.

I know what you're asking for, it's excessive.

He has a prior.

-The same officer arrested him-- -Three years ago.

But Babineaux didn't recognize him. He didn't even know he was a cop.

He drove an unmarked car, he was in plain clothes...

...he had his back turned.

I'm sorry. I don't buy it.

Suzanne.

I did my homework.

You had five cases where civilians were accused...

...of physical force against officers.

Not once were the defendants given anything close to this kind of jail time.

They weren't repeat offenders.

State v. Murphy.

Murphy was homeless. He was off his meds--

He headbutted a police officer. He gave him a concussion.

Five months. Suspended.

State v. Karp, five months.

-Suspended. State v. Brezovich. -You're not seriously compar--

-No jail time, two months' probation. -No priors.

Brezovich broke a cop's nose.

This is unequal justice.

In this case, the officer was not injured at all.

He was hit with a bag of sandwiches.

How can you justify giving Babineaux 18 months?

-Plus a year. -He has no history of violence.

There is no negotiation here, Kim.

And honestly, I don't understand why you want anything to do with this.

On one side, I've got a decorated police officer doing his job.

On the other, you have a professional thief who threw him to the ground.

And our only witness is a scumbag, disbarred lawyer...

...who peddles drop phones to criminals.

You don't know the whole story.

I'd rather talk to you in person. Are you at home?

Okay.

Is there a good place to meet you?

Great. I can be there within an hour.

All right, Mr. Babineaux.

Sure, Huell.

Just sit tight. I'm on my way.

I'm gonna go talk to him right now. I need you to back my play.

That mean what I think it means?

He's gonna call you after I talk to him, you and I have to be on the same page.

Huell can't run.

He's gonna have to put on his big-boy pants and go to jail.

-Shit. -At least for a little while.

[SIGHS]

There's no way around it?

He's not gonna do what they're pushing for, I promise you that.

But, yeah, no matter what, he's gonna have to do some time.

Well, thanks for trying.

Jimmy, he can't jump bail.

You'll back me up, right?

Good.

I mean, if you say this is the only way we can legitimately do this...

...well, it's the only way.

So you're gonna tell him to stay put?

Yeah, sure.

You do your thing, I'll do mine.

Jimmy, come on, what does that mean?

Don't worry.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

[♪♪♪]

[KEYPAD BEEPING]

Jimmy, whatever you're doing, don't.

I know, but listen...

...I have a better way.

[♪♪♪]