Home > BoJack Horseman

Mr. Peanutbutter's Boos

["Toccata and Fugue in D Minor" playing]

Halloween. Fright Night. Spook-tober 30-cursed!

Oh, there's the light switch. I'm still getting used to this new house.

I just bought it and it's the '60s! No, I'm just kidding!

It's 1993, and I'm wearing a costume!

Groovy threads! But you just got drafted, hippie!

-Hmm? -Into the cutest husband army!

-[laughs, moans] -Aw!

Where's your costume?

Can't I just wear a dumb hat and say I'm Blossom?

In my opinionation... Yes.

I am so excited to go to a real Hollywood party with my husband the TV star.

Just do me a favor and don't leave me alone, okay?

-Okay! -Now hurry up and finish getting ready.

I'm kidding.

Can you imagine if I spoke to you like that?

I really can't!

Next time, we're doing a couples costume, though!

It's the perfect way to tell the world that you are completely on the same...

-paaaaage? -What are you wearing?

I thought we were going as Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in the this-year 2004 hit film The Notebook.

Ooοοοh! You just said, "The Notebook."

I thought you were gonna be, like, a pen or something.

The important thing is we both look super-cute, and everyone is gonna be, like,

"Hey, is that Jessica Biel from the upcoming Blade: Trinity?''

And I'll say my famous Blade: Trinity catchphrase, "Stop goofin' around, Blade!"

Are you sure you're gonna be okay at this party?

Whenever I went with Katrina, we'd always end up in a big fight.

Well, I'm not Katrina. This is gonna be fun.

Okay. I just know you're afraid of mummies.

And since it's Halloween, we might see some mummies.

I'm not afraid of mummies.

I just don't like them because of an incident... from my past.

Will you stay on the lookout and keep those creepy corpses away?

I'll be sure to make a mental note of it!

I'm a notebook.

I'm not sure I get our costumes.

You're the guy from The Hangover.

The first one, which just came out this year. Why did I say "first one?"

There's only one Hangover movie, and it's 2009.

-And you are...? -Your Baby Bjorn Borg.

Famous '70s tennis player!

-And what's with the robot stuff? -Borg. From Star Trek?

And you're also a baby?

In The Hangover, the guy had a Baby Bjorn. Baby Bjorn Borg.

-Seems like a lot of explaining. -People will get it.

Anyway, we are going to have fun at this party!

You said BoJack Horseman is gonna be there?

Oh, my God. I'm so nervous.

I'm not! Every Halloween party I went to with one of my ex-wives, we'd get in a huge blow out.

I am so relieved that you are fun and easygoing,

-so there's no danger of that happening! -Mm-hmm...

I love that we both love parties. But more than that...

-I love you. -Aw, I love you, too.

And I love these costumes!

But tell me one more time, what are these costumes?

We're new social media app sensation Tweed Feed!

It's Insta plus Snapchat... if they both boinked Friendster, which I guess was a thing in the '70s?

[chuckles] Believe you me. This party is going to be dope. Booyah!

It'll be off the heezy fo' sheezy.

OMG, it's gonna be cray-cray!

Turnt! This is going to be the best Halloween ever!

[theme music playing]

{\an8}Wow. My first fancy Hollywoo party. "I'm ready for my close up!"

{\an8}Nice!

{\an8}-Sunset Boulevard? -I usually take Fountain.

BoJack must really love Halloween if he has this big bash every year, huh?

Oh, yeah, he's a real fiend for the 'ween.

{\an8}[doorbell rings, horse neighs]

{\an8}-Who are you and what are you doing here? -[chuckling] Good one!

{\an8}Pretending not to know your old friend Mr. Peanutbutter.

{\an8}Why are you at my house?

{\an8}Remember when I invited you to my Halloween party, and you said,

{\an8}you'd love to come, but couldn't

{\an8}because you were having your own Halloween party?

{\an8}Oh, right.

{\an8}Well, I'm sure my guests will show up any minute, so, you should probably go.

{\an8}Well, I figured, "Hey, why not have a crossover party?"

{\an8}So, I brought my party, wait for it, to you!

{\an8}That was the first ever "Wait for it!" It's 1993!

{\an8}-Uh... -Come on in, guys!

-[cheering] -[music playing]

-Um... -[doorbell rings, horse neighs]

{\an8}God damn it, why are you here?

{\an8}At the end of last year's Halloween party, you said, "Let's do this again next year,"

{\an8}like you've said at every Halloween party for the last 11 years!

[cheering, whooping]

That does not sound like me.

Oh, no. Mr. Peanutbutter? Partygoers? No. Is it--

Sure is!

Happy "Your 25-Years-Running" Halloween Party!

-[cheering] -Hallo-ween! Hallo-ween!

-Hallo-ween! Hallo-ween! -No. Don't. Please. Don't. No. You see--

So, we're having a party? Why didn't you say this was happening?

Because I hate that it happens. I take no action to make it happen.

{\an8}Every year, I pray that it won't happen, and it keeps happening anyway!

{\an8}I feel like an idiot being at a Halloween party without a costume.

{\an8}-Who cares? I don't have a costume. -Uh, you're wearing a costume.

Do you mean, in the sense that we all wear costumes, such as we reveal facets of ourselves to those closest to us, but our truest selves remain hidden?

No, in the sense that you are literally wearing a costume

-from the TV show we both work on. -Oh, yeah!

I'll go to Rite Aid to see what I can arrange.

Don't let the party end before I get back.

I definitely will let it die down!

Oh, shit, the Halloween party.

-[guests chattering] -[music playing]

Oh. Hey, careful with the-- I'm sorry. Can you put a coaster--

-[doorbell rings] -Can someone--?

-You! Marv's intern! -[grunts]

-You're on door duty. -You got it!

-[glass shatters] -I'm very good at opening doors.

Do you have any candy for trick-or-treaters?

{\an8}No. I don't know. Just hand out these Emmy screeners.

I'm on it.

Those kids'll be holding out their hands for Franz.

Why grip a Twix when you can Sip-o-wicz?

{\an8}What? I don't-- Just keep answering the door until I tell you to stop.

-You got it, chief! -[doorbell rings, horse neighs]

-Diane! What are you supposed to be? -An annoyed writer who hates Halloween.

Well, you are nailing it.

I'm just here to drop off pages for BoJack. How's the party?

I wouldn't know. I'm stuck on door duty, like always.

[doorbell rings, horse neighs]

{\an8}Trick or treat!

No. You are way too old to be trick-or-treating, and way too young to be a guest at this party.

Oh, no! Why did I give you the option of trick or treat? I just wanted treat!

Come back when you're five years older, or three years younger.

[doorbell rings, horse neighs]

How 'bout now?

Okay. Come on in.

-Whoa! Cool house. -Oh, thank you.

-It's not mine. It's my boyfriend's. -Really?

-Why does he make you answer the door? -No, he doesn't make me, he's--

Oh, my God. You're right! What am I doing? What am I doing with my life?

Uh, well, judging by your outfit, I'd say you're a pilot of some sort?

I moved to L.A. when I was 18 and now I'm 35!

-Everything's happening so fast! -Oh, no! I'm 18!

Am I going to be 35 soon? That's when they make you president!

I don't want that! That's too much responsibility!

I can't do this anymore. You! Take my shift!

Oh, no! The responsibilities are already starting!

I gotta live my life!

I deserve to be adored by a man, yet here my dreams lie dormant!

I don't mean to get mordantly morbid, but did I get all adorably adorned to get bored manning doors? No more!

Okay, this cider has not been sufficiently alcoholed.

If I'm trapped here with all you losers, I'm at least getting drunk.

[sips]

Whoa! God! I think somebody spiked the cider!

[chuckles] Well, I guess one drink won't hurt.

No, I get that it's the X-Files.

I'm just saying, what happened to the "A" through "W" Files?

I wanna see that show. More files!

-Hey. -Oh, hey, there you are!

Sweetheart, you disappeared while I was in the bathroom.

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I just got distracted by the fun party.

But I will not leave your side agai-- Oh, my God, is that Erica?

No, no, please don't go talk to Erica.

Katrina. Erica doesn't know anybody else at this party.

It would be rude to leave her all by herself.

Well, can I at least come with you?

You know Erica can't talk to two people at once on account of her split-brain procedure!

Why don't you go talk to, uh... the teacher from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

Ben Stein?

I'll bet that famously boring man is a blast at parties. I'll be right back.

-No, don't-- -Erica! Love the costume!

Where did you find such a hideous--? Oh, my mistake, I'm so sorry.

Ugh!

Are you sure this is a good idea, 13-year-old Todd?

It's part of the Halloween Code.

If you don't give teenagers candy, they're going to TP your house.

Okay.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Okay, I've scoped out the party, and I've yet to see a single mummy.

As Margaret Thatcher's children often asked,

[imitating child] "Is Mummy coming to see us?"

[normal] And as their nanny always replied,

[British accent] "Not tonight."

-Thank god. -[normal voice] I have to ask, what is the deal with the mummies?

Okay. I auditioned for The Mummy movie.

-The one with Brendan Fraser? -Ooh!

And I thought everything was going well, and then something really traumatic happened.

-Oh, my God, what? -I, uh... I didn't get the part.

That's it? You just didn't get it?

I really wanted it! And it still haunts me!

It's my one major career disappointment as of 2004, so could you please do me this one thing and make sure I don't see any mummies?

I promise. No mummies.

Remember that time that lady freaked out 'cause she saw a mummy?

[BoJack and Pickles laughing]

-Who was that lady? -Uh, that was actually Jessica Biel.

Who? [chuckles]

-One of my ex-wives? -Oh, yeah!

You've brought so many wives and girlfriends to these parties,

-I cannot keep track. -Well, don't forget about Pickles, huh?

Uh, what? Why is the waitress here talking about pickles?

Somebody order pickles?

No, BoJack, this is my girlfriend. Her name is Pickles.

You can remember because if you look at me, and don't recall my name, you'll think,

"Who is this person? I'm in a real pickle!"

And then just know that my name is like the thing that you're in, but with an "S" at the end.

-What? -I'm Pickles!

-My last name is Aplenty! -Do I need to know this one?

-Is she gonna be around for a while? -[chuckles]

I like that you're razzing me.

It really makes me feel like one of the gang.

If he teases you, that means he likes you.

What? Is that what people think when I tease them?

[gasps]

[sighs] Cool.

Remember the year that Pinky won the costume contest, but then it turned out he'd just lost all his belongings in a fire, and those clothes were all that he owned?

-[laughing] -[gulps] That was classic!

Oh, shit, I gotta go run the costume contest.

Ow! My back! Why'd I do that?

It sounds like you all have a lot of history.

Yeah. I can't believe we've been doing this party since '93.

-That's the year I was born! -I... did not realize that!

[chuckles] Hey, cheers!

-[gulps] -[Diane sighs]

Are you having fun?

Yeah, I'm having a great time explaining my costume to people over and over again.

Hey, here's a thought: if you don't get someone's costume, you don't need to tell them! Just live your life!

-Do you wanna leave? -No, no, no, no! I'm fun!

I don't want to leave! [chuckles]

I wanna leave!

Who has the yellow military assault vehicle blocking me in?

-Oh, that's me! -Since when do you drive a Hummer?

Company car. I just like it 'cause it matches my hat.

Plus, lots of room for the golf clubs, and, boy, does that kitten purr.

Why don't you take her out for a spin and see how she handles?

What is his costume?

-Diane! Hi! -Hey...

Am I on the hit Priscilla Barnes vehicle Three's Company right now, because three's company.

-I'm just trying to get out of here. -Oh, my gosh, Diane,

I just want you to know that I know that you and Mister have a history...

-"Mister?" -And I'm fine with it, and there's no reason we should be awkward around each other, or jealous, you know?

-I'm not jealous of you. -Okay, good.

I'm not jealous of you either, even though you are really intimidating.

But if we were jealous of each other, that would be very normal, so either way, it's totally cool. Totally cool. [hiccups]

Should we do shots together to, like, celebrate how normal we're being?

Yeah, this is a good situation.

Okay, bye, Diane!

-Did I screw up? I'm so stupid. -No. That's just Diane.

She doesn't like parties and she hates fun.

-Oh! -No, that's not fair. She used to be fun.

In fact, when we first started dating, my favorite thing about her was that she was so much more fun than my other ex-wives.

Oh, we're talking about your exes again! That's great.

Of course, Jessica used to be fun, too.

That's why I started seeing her after Katrina because Katrina was so mean and cynical, and Jessica was sweet and full of life.

Yeah, she sounds awesome.

But, actually, now that I think about it, when I first met Katrina, she was also full of life.

Do you want another drink? I'm going to get another drink.

Oh, my God. What a weird coincidence.

Why do all these idealistic, vivacious women eventually turn bitter and cruel after being with me? What's the common denominator?

-[guests chattering] -[laughter]

Ugh. [sighs]

-Hey, buddy. -Ugh.

The conga line leader accidentally led us right into the pool.

I've never felt so alive!

-You should've been there! -I want to go home now.

-What? But this party is so fun! -It's not fun for me.

'Cause I don't know anyone here.

Of course you do. Just-- BoJack! You remember my wife Katrina.

-Huh? No, I do not. -This is going great.

-I'm gonna go dry off. You two chat it up. -No, Mr. Peanutbutter, please.

[exhales]

Thank you for hosting this party.

So fun.

-What's the story on the hat? -It's a Blossom costume.

Oh, shit, that's right! It's Halloween. I need a costume! Good call, stranger!

Ugh.

So, I love parties, as you know, but maybe we should go soon?

There are so many famous people here, it's actually making me kind of anxious.

Diane! Famous people are just like you and me.

Well, like me, because I am one.

Mom? No, I can't talk right now. Can I call you tomorrow?

Or is this the one night a year you emerge from your crypt?

Go introduce yourself. I'm sure he'd love to meet you!

-Or we could just go home? -No, come on.

It's Halloween, a night to face your fears.

That's why they call it Halloween!

So, you can wean yourself off of having fears!

Say "Hallo" to weaning!

[Diane whimpers]

Okay. Todd's Hummer is now blocked in by a blue Tesla.

I'm looking for the owner of a blue Tesla.

Studies say buying used is actually better for the environment, but, hey, you tried, and subsequently trapped me at this party!

[both] Oh.

-Hi. -Hi.

-So, thanks for the new script pages. -You got it.

Hey, listen. That submarine scene...

You wanna talk about it?

-No? -Okay.

We'll just put that in the large bucket of things we don't talk about.

-What is that supposed to mean? -That you didn't wanna talk about it.

[groans, grunts]

[gulps] This party sucks.

Hey, doorman! I don't have a costume.

And I don't wanna look stupid at my own bitchin' Halloween party.

Okay, I've got an idea.

There. You're a one-night stand. Get it? Nightstand?

Nice! You should be a producer or something.

-Ha, ha. Yeah, right! -[doorbell neighs]

-But not yet. Keep manning the door. -[sighs] Yeah.

Ah! All dry! Sorry, I got a little distracted on the way back by some people with a Ouija board.

A dead soul told me to "AERXIXFASP"!

-What could it mean? -Cool.

While you were gone, Ben Stein introduced me to Tim Allen, and the three of us had a long debate about government spending, which is exactly how I wanted to spend my Halloween.

-I am so sorry. -Although, I have to say, now that your TV show has put us into a new tax bracket, maybe we should start paying attention more to how the government is using our money.

-What? -No, I don't know, ya know,

I'm just saying that a true capitalist-free market is actually, if you really think about it, more fair than an arbitrary redistribution based on need.

-This is from Ten Minutes with Tim Allen? -You left me alone for an hour and a half!

I guess time flies when you're having fun?

-I am not having fun! -[all gasping]

[grunts]

Hey, I need a costume. I can't be costume-less at my own party.

Mm.

Hmm.

-Follow me. -[gasps]

-Hold that. Now circle around here. -Oh. What--

-Okay. Just need some tape. -No. What are-- Hey.

No, I get that there's a smoke monster, but other than that, it's just Gilligan's Island, right?

-[groaning] -[Peanutbutter gasps]

Oh, thank you so much.

No!

-[woman gasps] -[panting] Whoa!

-[glass shatters] -[grunts]

[groans] Jessica!

Am I written by Albert Hammond and Diane Warren, originally recorded by Tina Turner, but popularized by Ace of Base?

Because "Don't Turn Around."

[slo-mo] Huh?

[groaning]

[screaming]

Mummy!

[gong sound]

What do you mean, a duel?

-You mean like, like a duel, a duel? -[clears throat]

Hold on, somebody's--

-Baby Bjorn Borg. -Oh, my God. Yes!

Cute. What do you want?

Oh, um, I actually wanted to introduce yourself.

I mean myself. [chuckles]

Obviously, you already know yourself, so... [laughing]

Oh, God. Listen, I just wanted to tell you how much I loved Horsin' Around.

It was, like, a very formative part of my childhood. So... thank you.

I get a warm feeling every time I think about the song.

♪ Three little orphans, one, two, three... ♪

-I'm sorry. I'm on the phone right now. -Oh.

Uh... Sorry.

Yeah, Mom, I'm still here. No, it was nobody important.

No, I get them to Glee Club.

But why are they singing when they're not in the Glee Club?

Where's the music coming from? Doesn't seem realistic.

Why did you make me talk to BoJack? I made a complete fool of myself.

-No. -I can't do this.

I'm good in small groups.

I'm great in chat-rooms and message boards.

-[shouts] But I hate big parties! -[record scratches]

-What? No! -Yes!

And I didn't wanna tell you because I know how much this party means to you.

[shouts] But I can't be more fun than your ex-wives!

It's too much pressure!

I'm sorry.

-[panting] -[door slams]

Uh-huh.

-[music playing over stereo] -Whoo! Uh-huh.

-Hey, Pickles? I'm sorry. -For what?

I shouldn't talk about my ex-wives so much.

I don't want you to feel like you have to be fun.

But I am fun.

It has nothing to do with you, or your ex-wives, or your ex-wife Diane, who is in this room right now.

Okay, now I'm looking for the owner of a blue Tesla, a red Maserati, and a gold helicopter.

-Let's just get out of here. -[crying] I don't wanna get out of here!

-I'm having fun! This is fun for me! -[record scratches]

[sobbing]

What's up with the waitress?

You left me alone all night long!

I ask so little of you! And you never listen.

I know, but now I am listening, and I swear I will stay by your side, now and forever.

I'll be on you like Urkel on Laura. "Will I do that?"

-Yes, I will. -You know what? No.

Because now I want to be alone.

So, have fun hanging out with all your hippie liberal friends, okay?

-'Cause I'm going home. -Kar-nina! Don't go!

Ugh.

-Party's over. -All right, fine.

Let's make this an annual thing, though, okay?

I wanna see all of you, back here, next year! No matter what!

I asked you to do one thing, keep me away from mummies. And you couldn't even do that!

Okay, in my defense,

I am dressed like a giant notebook, which severely limits my mobility!

How do you think I felt when I had to do that screen test all wrapped up in gauze?

Wait. You were auditioning to play the mummy?

Mom, I gotta go. Okay? I'll call you tomorrow.

Yeah. We will figure out Dad's funeral. And... I'm... I'm sorry.

[phone beeps]

-You! Boy! What's going on? -I think the party's over, sir.

[sighs]

I always thought that when this happened, I would feel something.

I don't know what, but something.

But I don't feel anything. What's wrong with me?

Nothing's wrong. Just sometimes parties are over.

[sighs]

But... Hey, it doesn't have to be over.

I mean, I could stick around for a little bit.

Yeah, sure, good idea. Stick around for as long as you want.

Yeah?

Okay.

I'm sorry I ruined another Halloween for you.

-You didn't ruin it. -I really wanted you to think I was fun.

Diane, you don't need to pretend to be something you're not.

-I already love you. -What?

And I'm going to love you, no matter what version of you you are.

So, you might as well give me the real version.

This is good.

Now I know you don't like parties.

So, we will never have that argument again.

Yeah.

I really humiliated myself in front of BoJack.

-[engine] -If it makes you feel better,

I guarantee BoJack won't even remember that he met you.

Huh.

Okay, new strategy.

I'm looking for four strong construction workers who can lift my car and carry it out to the street, like in the Mentos commercial. Any takers?

[Peanutbutter] Open the door!

[Pickles] Just leave me alone!

What's going on in there? Tough SAT prep course?

Fail her learner's permit test?

Skirmish with the members of the Baby-Sitter's Club?

-Nope. -Shattered dreams of playing Adelaide in her high school's production of Guys and Dolls because the musical director sees her as more of a Rusty Charlie?

I don't know why this keeps happening.

I take these amazing women, like Pickles, like you,

Katrina, Jessica, and I ruin them.

Uh...

I'm not ruined.

-No, I just mean... I don't listen. -Okay, yes.

It is definitely very annoying how you don't listen.

Thank you, but you don't have to say nice things just to make me feel better.

Huh? Okay, no.

I was going to say you not listening and I repeat, you don't listen,

-that's not the only thing going on here. -There are more things?

-What do all these women have in common? -They're mean?

-When you first start dating them. -They're fun?

They're young. You keep dating women in their 20s.

I do, do that.

They're not fully-formed yet. Life changes people.

-Well, not me. -That's kind of my point.

You don't ruin these women, they just grow up.

So, what you're saying is... they all grow up, but I stay the same age?

All right. All right. All right. How do I fix that?

Well, either you date someone older...

-Ooooooor... -Or, you grow up.

Because otherwise, they're gonna keep outgrowing you.

Mind if I try?

Okay, first thing we need to do is sit you up and get you hydrated.

Thanks.

I understand what you're going through.

I've been in your position before, and this party is hard.

[hiccups] It is!

It's hard to be the new girlfriend.

And to be at a famous person's house, at an event with 25 years of history, and all these people Mr. Peanutbutter has known for years.

-[hiccups] Plus, you're here. -Plus, I'm here.

-What if I'm just a rebound? -Mm.

I was a rebound. And he loved me, so much, for ten years.

If there's one thing I know about him, it's that he loves the person he's with deeply and unconditionally.

So, you don't have to worry about me, because I'm not that person anymore.

-You are. -Aw. [chuckles]

-[door opens] -Oh!

-[Pickles sighs] -If you guys will excuse me,

I'm just gonna take this dickhole's helicopter home.

-Are you okay? -Yeah.

I'm actually really glad you went through all those ex-wives because it means I got the best version of you.

-That's right. Version 4.0. -Oh! I like the sound of that.

Hey, you wanna just go home? Hang out, just the two of us?

Psh! No way! I just saw on Tweed Feed that Josephine's ex, Tor, is throwing a monster shindig up in NoHo.

Who-sephine's ex-what now?

They have a two-story ice luge, and a huge beer pond tournament.

And I brought new costumes, so we don't have to look stupid wearing the same in all our pictures.

[laughs]

I never wanna grow up!

[chuckles]

[sighs] Where's everybody going? It's Halloween!

[groaning]

[door opens] Happy Hallowee-- What the?

-Where is everyone? -Hey, let's do this again next year.

I'm going to bed.

I love Halloween.