Home > Breaking Bad

The Cat's in the Bag

[MOANING AND HEAVY BREATHING]

[COUGHING]

[SIGHS]

Are you okay?

[GROANING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[WATER RUNNING]

[GASPS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[ENGINE GRUNTING]

You are a lifesaver.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, we can't thank you enough.

No, hey, mad--

Mad props.

I could have sworn the guy said south.

But then all of a sudden we're off the main road then I'm trying to read the map while driving, which is a bonehead maneuver.

And then all of a sudden, bam, we're-- We're in that ditch.

Yeah, bam. I'm like,

"What the hell?" You know?

Yes. Oh, yes, and my coffee mug.

Of coffee? My mug of coffee.

It spills all over my pants,

I mean-- Just a nightmare.

There's your Sony GPS,

I mean, for real.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Let's just...

Like I said, we couldn't be more grateful.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Can't we just dump them here?

What, and somebody finds them?

Then what?

People have seen us.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Hey, you're--

You're gonna flood it, man.

I'm not gonna flood it.

She's not going to flood, all right?

We're just gonna stay positive, right?

We're gonna clean up this mess.

And you, start.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Goddamn it. See, you flooded it.

All right.

All right. You know what?

The RV is going to start now.

The RV is going to start right now.

It's gonna start and we're gonna drive it to your house.

My house?

Yes. We're gonna drive it over and park it overnight.

And then tomorrow--

Uh-uh, man, not my house.

Shut up! Shut up!

[COUGHING]

[SIGHS]

After we finish cleaning up this mess, we will go our separate ways.

Our paths will never cross.

And we will tell this to no one.

Understood?

Oh, what, I can talk now?

Fine. That goes double for me.

Okay. Okay.

Be good to me.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[ENGINE REVS]

BOTH:

Yes!

[BOTH GRUNTING AND HOWLING]

Yes. Okay. Okay.

Thank you.

[SHIFTING AND RUSTLING]

[MAN GROANS]

[CROAKING]

Oh, shit.

[♪♪♪]

[COUGHING]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

SKYLER:

Walt?

You coming out?

Hm?

Yeah, absolutely.

WOMAN [OVER TV]:

We got looky-loos

in both directions, Dan.

Better plan on being late if

you're going in that direction.

This is Lisa in the Skycopter,

we'll have more Albuquerque

traffic on the hour.

Hey, um, you wanna hear something funny?

We had a-- A faculty meeting last Thursday and the topic was senior-class photos and how we had instituted a new rule last year that seniors are allowed to have photos taken by a photographer of their choice.

You know, not necessarily the photographer that the school hires, right?

[PHONE RINGS]

So--

--um, uh, so anyway, uh, some of the senior girls...

[PHONE RINGING]

...were going to that, um,

Glamour Shots place to have their photos taken.

And now they're bringing us all these photos, and Joan Everman--

You know Joan.

--suddenly has to go through all these photos and turn them down because they show cleavage.

Did you get enough pancakes, sweetie?

Y-yeah. I-- I'm good.

Okay.

WALT:

You know, even the small-busted girls have cleavage.

Apparently there's some new type of brassiere or something.

[PHONE RINGING]

The Wonderbra.

It's the Wonderbra.

Yeah?

Okay.

[PHONE RINGING CONTINUOUS]

[ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS ON]

SKYLER [OVER MACHINE]:

You've reached Walt,

Skyler and Walter Jr.

We can't come to the phone

right now,

so please leave us a message.

[MACHINE BEEPS]

JESSE [OVER MACHINE]:

Hello, Mr. White.

This is AT&T calling.

Are you happy with your current

long-distance service?

Because if you're not, I would

definitely really, really love

to talk to you

as soon as possible about--

Hello? Hello? Hello, this is

Walter White speaking.

You said he was practically dead, okay?

You said he would die any minute.

Listen, uh, I am having breakfast with my family right now and I-- I really don't appreciate these sales calls.

Well, too bad, man,

because guess what.

He's still not dead.

I went and put my ear to the RV.

I can hear him, like, rolling around in there, all right?

I-- I-- I think he's awake, man.

I think he's trying to get loose.

Where the hell are you?

I'm freaking out here.

[WHISPERING]

Calm down, damn it.

You gonna help me

clean this up?

Huh? We got loose ends here.

Calm down.

I will be there after school.

Huh, after school.

Are you shitting me?

Ditch it, man. Call in sick.

[LOUDLY]

Listen, uh, that is just not gonna work for me.

I'm-- I'm not interested in that at all.

And, uh, I would appreciate it if you don't call here anymore.

Damn. They're so annoying, those people.

You have a good day, sweetie.

Okay, Mom. You too.

Okay.

Bye, honey.

Drive safe.

Okay.

[DIALING]

[PHONE RINGS]

JESSE [OVER MACHINE]:

Yo,

1, 4, 8, 3 to the 3

to the 6 to the 9,

representing the ABQ.

What up, beyotch?

Leave it at the tone.

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

So the term "chiral" derives from the Greek word

"hand."

Now, the concept here being that just as your left hand and your right hand are mirror images of one another, right, identical and yet opposite, well, so, too, organic compounds can exist as mirror-image forms of one another all the way down at the molecular level.

But although they may look the same, they don't always behave the same.

For instance...

For instance...

Uh, I'm sorry.

Uh, for instance, uh...

Thalidomide.

The-- The right-handed isomer of the drug thalidomide is a perfectly fine, good medicine to give to a pregnant woman to prevent morning sickness.

But make the mistake of giving that same pregnant woman the left-handed isomer of the drug thalidomide and her child will be born with horrible birth defects.

Which is precisely what happened in the 1950s.

So chiral, chirality, mirrored images, right?

Active, inactive, good, bad.

Uh, so.

Yes, Ben.

Is this gonna be on the murder?

What?

Is this gonna be on the midterm?

Uh, chirality on the midterm?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

No, no. Well, maybe.

Maybe. Yes, you know--

But prepare for it to be on the midterm.

Can't hurt to know it, right?

So--

Knowledge is power.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[DOOR CREAKS, SLAMS]

[BREATHING SHORTLY]

[♪♪♪]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, no. Oh, no, no. No.

Not good.

Not good, not good.

[CLYDE McPHATTER'S

"YOU'RE MOVIN' ME" PLAYING]

♪ If I take you by your hand ♪

♪ Tell you

I'm your lover man ♪

♪ And if I smile ♪

[TIRES SQUEAL]

What the--?

♪ Smile ♪

[GASPING]

[WHEEZING]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Hey. Hey. Hey, you.

Hey, listen, you.

No, no, no, no!

Oh, God.

[TIRES SCREECH]

♪ I wanna sing and shout ♪

♪ Baby, you knock me out ♪

♪ You know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ You know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ You know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ You know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ Whoa, you know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ You know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ Whoa, you know you're

Movin' me ♪

♪ You know you're

Movin' me... ♪

[SIGHS]

Okay.

[TRUMP'S "KEEP BALLIN'"

PLAYING OVER COMPUTER]

MILFs?

The hell is a MILF?

[MAN WHEEZING]

[SNORING]

Now what?

[MAN COUGHING]

Lock the other one out in the RV.

He's, uh:

You're sure?

Yes.

You're positive?

Hey, you know what?

Feel free to go check it yourself.

Hey, yeah, Good idea.

Maybe I should do that before he, too, wanders off down the damn street.

Okay, you know what?

I am sick--

Just-- All right.

All right!

Just--

The one downstairs, tell me about him.

Oh, come on. Anything.

Something.

Start with his name, at least.

Krazy-8.

Krazy-8. What the hell does that even mean?

I don't know, man, okay?

It means, like-- Like,

Krazy-8, okay? I don't know.

So you work with him regularly.

No, not him so much.

His cousin, mainly.

Who's his cousin?

The-- The guy out in the RV.

All right, all right, all right.

Krazy-8's one level higher.

One level higher.

Yeah, you know.

Not, like, street level. Higher.

You know how there's, like, a Starbucks on every corner?

Krazy-8 is like the dude that sells Starbucks' beans.

Okay, so he's a distributor.

Okay, so is he...?

I mean, is...?

In other words, what is his reputation for violence?

Well, um, he did try to kill us both yesterday, so there's that.

Look, what I'm trying to say is that he's a distributor, right?

He's a-- He's a businessman.

He's a man of business.

It would therefore seem to follow that he is capable of acting out of mutual self-interest, yes?

What?

Do you think he is capable of listening to reason?

I mean, what--? What kind of reason? You mean, like,

"Dear Krazy-8, hey, listen, if I let you go,

"you promise not to come back and waste my entire family?

No Colombian neckties?"

You mean that kind of reason?

No, man, I can't say as I have high fucking hopes where that's concerned.

[LOUD THUMP]

[WHISPERING]

What was that?

What was what?

Shh!

[LOUD CREAKING]

Come!

What?

We didn't tie him up.

Why the hell didn't we tie him up?

Oh, God.

Because he was out cold.

Yeah, but what--

What if he's faking it?

You know, like, if it was me,

I'd be all faking being knocked out, yo.

And then, when the coast is clear,

I'd be up looking for weapons and shit.

Ready to pounce.

[LOUD GROANING]

Shh, shh, shh.

[WHEEZED GROANING]

[RHYTHMIC BREATHING]

No, see. Now, if it was me and I couldn't find a decent enough weapon,

I would just lie back down and bide my time.

[GRUNTING]

So now what do we do?

You keep asking me that like you think I have some answer.

Well, you gotta do something.

No, we.

We have got to do something, and I am open to suggestions.

Man, uh, okay, this whole thing was your deal.

Don't you dare put that on me.

You brought those guys out there.

This is your responsibility.

Oh, like I came to you, begging to cook meth.

"Oh, hey, nerdiest old dude

I know, you wanna come cook crystal?"

Please.

I'd ask my diaper-wearing granny but her wheelchair wouldn't fit in the RV.

What about the, uh--

The-- The-- The phosphate gas?

The phosphine gas.

What about it?

Well, do-- I mean, do you think it still might kill him?

You know, with, like, a delayed reaction or something?

I-- I don't know.

You're supposed to be a scientist.

Look, this isn't even the issue that demands immediate attention.

We have got a body in that RV.

And it's getting warmer outside.

Understand?

And we have got to do something about that soon.

And in a way that no one will ever find it.

Now, that-- That last part is very, very important.

Therefore, it seems to me that our best course of action would be chemical disincorporation.

Dissolving in strong acid.

Oh, man, that's messed up.

I mean, ahem, you're not serious.

You serious?

[SIGHS]

Well, who's gonna do that?

And don't look at me.

I guess we'll both do it together.

No, Mr. White, okay, I'm not--

I'm not good with dead bodies.

Look, we are in this fifty-fifty. Okay?

I guess the only other fair way to go about this would be that one of us deals with the body situation while the other one of us deals with the Krazy-8 situation.

In a scenario like this,

I don't suppose it is bad form to just flip a coin.

Heads or tails?

No, I'll-- I'll do the body in the acid, okay?

Heads or tails?

Heads. Heads.

Best two out of three?

[PHONE RINGING]

JESSE [OVER ANSWERING MACHINE]:

Yo, yo, yo, 1, 4, 8, 3 to the 3

to the 6 to the 9,

representing the ABQ.

What up, beyotch?

Leave it at the tone.

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

JESSE:

Hey, Mr. White, it's me.

Pick up.

I got a container question.

Hello, Mr. White.

Pick up the phone, man.

Yes.

Yo, what kind of plastic, man?

Polyethylene.

Well, how the hell am I supposed to know that?

Because I told you.

Look, just...

[SCOFFS]

...look at the bottom for a triangle stamped LDPE.

It should be molded

right into the plastic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, LDPE.

Right on, got it.

I don't know, man.

This feels kind of flimsy.

Any decent acid's gonna eat right through this.

Not hydrofluoric.

Why not?

Look, you skipped, clowned around or otherwise jerked off through every lecture I ever gave.

As far as I'm concerned, your chemistry education is over.

Oh, okay, be a dick about it.

Jesus.

So, hey, have you, um...?

Have you done the--?

The thing?

Yeah, I'm--

I'm working up to it.

[WHISPERING]

You know what?

I bet he doesn't even wake up.

You know, not even if you took him to the hospital right now.

Now, if it was me,

I would just try and think of it like I was--

I was doing him a favor.

[PHONE BEEPS OFF]

MAN [OVER PA]:

I need a check approval

on checkstand eight.

Approval on checkstand eight,

please. Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

Yeah.

[GRUNTS]

Who's there?

What, you fucking break in?

Show me who's there.

Yeah. I see you.

What you gonna do?

Hey.

Hey--!

[COUGHING]

Hey!

I need water.

[COUGHING]

Hey, hello.

Bring me some water, would you?

[COUGHING]

Please.

You don't like the crust?

Where's my cousin Emilio?

He dead?

[DOOR SLAMS CLOSED]

[KRAZY-8 COUGHING]

Oh, I'm a coward.

[♪♪♪]

[SCOFFS]

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING]

[DOOR OPENS]

JESSE:

Hey, Mr. White.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey, Mr. White?

Oh, fuck.

[CHUCKLING]

Are you smoking weed?

Oh, my God.

Wait a minute, is that--?

Is that my weed?

What the hell, man?

Make yourself at home, why don't you?

So, what'd you end up buying?

Nothing.

No store in town sells a plastic bin big enough for a body.

I don't suppose you could buy two bins?

And, uh, just:

Legs in one, torso in the other?

[SIGHING]

Oh, God.

I don't suppose you could kiss my ass?

[SIGHS]

So, uh, how'd it--? How'd it go?

[KRAZY-8 COUGHING]

You didn't do it?

Not-- Not yet.

[SIGHS]

Oh, God.

Oh, damn. I gotta go.

Hey, hey.

What? No, no, no.

Come back here.

Sorry. I'll do it tomorrow,

I promise.

Tomorrow?

I've got a doctor's appointment.

I gotta go.

Look, stay away from him.

He's awake.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, man, we flipped a coin.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[COUGHING]

We flipped a coin!

We're-- We're good?

We're very good.

We're excellent, I'd say.

Oh.

Oh, would you look at that face?

[ALL GIGGLE]

Smile, peanut.

So who's up for knowing?

Oh...

Uh...

[BOTH LAUGH]

It's-- It's...

Uh...

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

Girl.

Girl?

You sure?

Pretty sure.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Wow.

Oh, God. Can I tell you, that's exactly what I was hoping.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You remember you said that when she's 16 and starts dating.

[LAUGHING]

Looking fabulous.

Let me see if they're done with the blood sugar, then we'll get you out of here.

I'll be right back.

Who's Jesse Pinkman?

Jesse...?

Jesse Pinkman.

He-- He called just this morning.

Walt, please don't deny it.

Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It-- It says on his MyShout page he attended Wynne.

What, was he one of your students?

Yeah.

He was nobody.

Who--? Who is he to you?

Why--? Why is he calling?

What is this big secret you seem to be discussing with some druggie burnout?

You don't come home last night until 2 in the morning.

You don't tell me where you've been.

You spent the entire night in the bathroom, Walt.

Tell me what's going on with you.

Don't you think you owe me that?

Who is this Jesse Pinkman to you?

He sells me pot.

He sells you pot?

Marijuana, yeah.

Not a lot.

I mean, I don't know.

[SIGHS]

I kind of like it.

Are you out of your mind?

What--? What are you, like,

16 years old?

Your brother-in-law is a DEA agent.

What--?

What is wrong with you?

Look, Skyler,

[SIGHS]

...I just haven't quite been myself lately.

Yeah. No shit.

Thanks for noticing.

I haven't been myself lately, but I love you.

Nothing about that has changed.

Nothing ever will.

So right now, what I need is for you to climb down out of my ass.

Can you do that?

Will you do that for me, honey?

Will you please, just once, get off my ass?

You know.

I'd appreciate it.

I really would.

Stop.

Stop in-- In 15 minutes.

[COUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[SNORTS]

SHEMP [OVER TV]:

Your face is too sharp.

MOE [OVER TV]:

Powder. Powder!

SHEMP:

Take a powder, go on.

[KRAZY-8 COUGHING]

MOE:

Nice. Beautiful talcum powder.

Lucky you, number eight.

[SNEEZES]

Just meat, it's all just--

Just a bunch of meat.

[FLIES BUZZING]

Oh, Jesus.

[GROANING]

You're cool, you're cool.

You're all good, you're all--

You're all good. You know it.

It's fine.

It's just a bunch of meat.

Come on. You're good.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Excuse me.

Excuse me. You. Yes, you.

May I talk to you?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.

This is private property.

Just a minute.

I-- I wanna talk to you.

No, no, not interested.

Come on.

Hey, don't touch me.

Do not touch me.

All right, all right, look, not touching, okay? Not touching.

Look, lady, whatever you're selling, I ain't buying, yo.

Well, my name is Skyler White, yo.

My husband is Walter White, yo.

Uh-huh.

He told me everything.

Seriously?

That's right.

And just so you know, my brother-in-law is a DEA agent and I will not hesitate to call him.

Not if I have to.

Understood?

This is your one and only warning.

Do not sell marijuana to my husband.

Okay.

I mean it.

Don't call our house again.

You stay away from him, or you will be one sorry individual.

You get me?

I-- I, uh, think so, yeah.

Um, no more marijuana.

Mm-hm.

I can-- I can dig it.

You can dig it. Wonderful.

[SIGHS]

Not that it's any of my business, but you might wanna consider a different line of work.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTING, BREATHING HEAVILY]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's go to your house, you know.

Makes perfect sense.

Let's, uh...

[GASPING]

...let's completely screw up your house so you never wanna spend another night in it.

Sure. You know, why not?

[GRUNTING]

Yeah, and how's about I send over my psycho-bitch wife to, uh, you know, break your balls and threaten you?

God, that would be hilarious, you know.

And then, you know, the killer in the basement, the one who's completely my responsibility, hell, let's just let him live down there.

Just, I don't know, make sure to feed him, like, three times a day.

Sure, why not?

It's been really amazing.

Thank you so much for the opportunity.

I always dreamt about,

I don't know, melting bodies.

[JESSE WHIMPERS, COUGHS]

[GROANING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

You got a brother in the goddamn DEA?

What?

You said you were just doing some ride-along.

Yes or no, do you have a brother in the DEA?

He's a brother-in-law.

Oh, well, there's a load off my mind.

Where did you hear that?

Your freaking wife told me when she was here all up in my shit.

Yeah, that's right.

She almost caught me moving Emilio.

Good job on wearing the pants in the family.

And why'd you go and tell her

I was selling you weed?

Because somehow it seemed preferable to admitting that I cook crystal meth and killed a man.

[SNIFFING]

Is that what I think it is?

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

I smoked a bowl.

So what?

My house, my rules.

Hey, no, no.

Hey, don't give me that, okay?

I held up my end.

I already took care of Emilio.

You're still diddling around trying to get your nut up.

Yeah, well, boo-hoo.

I have the truly awful job here.

Oh, you wanna-- You wanna talk awful? You wanna go there?

Try dragging 200 pounds of stink up a flight of stairs.

I barely got him in the bathtub.

Bathtub, what...?

What do you mean, bathtub?

You know, and that's another thing.

Why you got me running around town trying to find some stupid piece of plastic when I have a perfectly good tub

I can use?

Oh, God.

Hey. Hey.

[DRIPPING]

[HISSING]

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, what were you asking me? Oh, yes.

That stupid plastic container

I asked you to buy.

You see, hydrofluoric acid won't eat through plastic.

It will, however, dissolve metal, rock, glass, ceramic.

So there's that.

[GLEN PHILLIPS' "THE HOLE"

PLAYING]

♪ Behind the house ♪

♪ The ground has opened up ♪

♪ And it's so deep ♪

♪ The hole ♪

♪ It's bottom can't be found ♪

♪ It sucks the air inside ♪

♪ And makes quiet sea sounds ♪

Here I go.

♪ We sometimes stand ♪

♪ And linger at the edge ♪

♪ We like to dare

Each other ♪

♪ How close that we can get ♪

♪ And there's a pact we made ♪

♪ If one should fall

The other follows in ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Behind the house ♪

♪ The ground has

Opened up ♪