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Cancer Man

HANK:

Operation Icebreaker.

How we liking that? We never used that before, did we?

Isn't that the name of a breath mint?

What?

Ice Breakers, right?

Breath mint?

HANK: Nobody's gonna think that.

Gonna be thinking about some ship in the North Pole breaking ice.

Says you. I'm gonna be thinking

Operation Breath Mint.

I'm thinking

Operation Breath Mint every time you and me are on a stakeout together.

Your breath can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

All right, Operation TBD.

Thanks for nothing, Gom.

Anyway, say hello to

Domingo Gallardo Molina.

A.k.a. Krazy-8. Way smarter than your average cheese eater.

I turned him out when he was street, but this dude's like The Jeffersons, moving on up.

Every dealer he'd throw at us, he'd end up snaking their customers.

HANK:

Now it turns out he's missing, presumed dead.

Found his car out in the boonies.

Last guy he ratted out was none other than his cousin,

Emilio Koyama.

You thinking the cousin found out and took revenge?

HANK:

Could be, turns out he's missing too.

And normally I'd say someone did the world a favor.

But our snitch's car, turns out we find two grams of meth in it, we take it to the lab, they come back, they tell us it is the purest they've ever seen.

Ninety-nine-point-one percent.

[WHISTLES]

Our chemist is blown away.

Said he couldn't do better.

Worse yet, it didn't come out of some super lab in Mexico, we're thinking this was cooked here in the Land of Enchantment.

Car was abandoned at what appears to be a cook site.

This is the, uh, only other thing left behind.

We're sending it off to Quantico, see if they can pull something off it.

Meantime, our guys swabbed the filter element and found the same 99.1 meth.

So be on notice.

We got new players in town.

Now, we don't know who they are, or where they come from, but they possess an extremely high skill set.

Me, personally,

I'm thinking Albuquerque

just might have a new kingpin.

[SPITS]

[♪♪♪]

[HISSING]

Jesus, Walt, you're burning the shit out of 'em.

Oh. Damn it.

Hey, Sky, you got any more chicken?

Emeril here is gonna need a fresh pack.

Bam.

HANK:

All right, looking good.

Is this low-fat mayonnaise in the coleslaw?

Uh, I-- I don't know, it's store-bought.

Okay, uh, Hank, you need another beer?

Does the pope shit in his hat?

Yeah, I don't think that he does, Hank, and I think everybody would like it if you'd stop saying that.

Marie, some more wine, maybe?

I'm all right, thanks.

All right.

Hey, I want a beer.

Yeah, I want Shania Twain to give me a tuggy.

Guess what.

It ain't happening either.

How about some more soda, hm?

Yeah, sure.

Honey, do you need anything?

Mm-mm. No, Walt, thank you.

Okay. Be right back.

[♪♪♪]

WALT JR.:

No.

What, are you kidding me?

You look like a damn movie star, man.

Girls gotta be lining up left and right.

Tell him how good-looking he is.

He's adorable.

He doesn't wanna be fricking adorable, he wants to be hot.

See what I'm talking about?

That's female perspective.

She's supposed to say that.

HANK:

Look, a guy doesn't gotta look like, uh, you know, Charlton Heston--

I'm talking Moses days.

--to get a girl, all right?

You just gotta have confidence.

Confidence and, uh--

And persistence.

Okay? That's what

I'm talking about.

I chased your aunt Marie, here, all over creation.

I kept bugging her for a date, she kept saying no.

What, I asked you, like, 50 times?

Yeah, it was before they tightened the stalking laws.

[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]

Anyway, how about your dad here?

That there's a good story, Walt.

Tell him how you met Skyler.

Uh-huh.

WALT JR.:

Mom was a waitress in Los Alamos and Dad said that thing to you.

Well, actually, your mother wasn't a waitress, it was a summer job, and, um, she was the hostess and she also worked the cash register.

And I used to go in there a lot because it was close enough to the lab where I could ride my bicycle.

And once I noticed her, it got to be so that

I would only go in when I knew she was working.

When it was slow, she would lean against the counter, doing her crossword puzzles, uh, but kind of hiding it.

Right? Pretending that she was still working, and once I caught on to that,

I would do crossword puzzles while I ate my grilled-cheese sandwich.

It got so that every day at lunch, we would both be doing

The New York Times crossword puzzle

10 feet from each other.

And, uh-- Heh-heh.

Eventually, I caught her looking over at me, so I began saying:

"Excuse me, um, 14 across,

"seven-letter word for whatchamacallit,

"uh, may I ask what--?

What you wrote down?"

And, uh, well, that got us talking, and, uh, boy,

I tell you, I was--

I was terrible at those puzzles.

[CHUCKLES]

I don't think that I finished even one of them.

But your mother would do them in ink.

HANK:

Very smooth.

[CHUCKLES]

I bet you didn't think your old man had it in him, huh?

But that's what

I'm talking about, that's persistence, you see?

Once you set your cap for something or somebody, you gotta just, you know...

[SOBBING]

Whoa. Skyler.

Mom, a-are you all right?

MARIE:

Hey, hey.

Shh. Honey, it's okay.

What's the matter?

[SOBBING]

MARIE:

What is it?

[SNIFFLES]

Ask him.

[DOOR OPENS]

What's she talking about?

Walt?

Um...

I have cancer.

Lung cancer.

It's bad.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

SKYLER:

Ask him how long he's known.

I guess a month, maybe.

Oh, for God sakes, Walt.

We're just sitting out there having a cookout like nothing's going on.

He made me promise not to tell anybody.

Christ, these last 48 hours.

And it's the weekend, so I couldn't even get his doctor on the phone.

Buddy, why--? I mean, why wouldn't you wanna tell anybody?

SKYLER:

Walt, don't you see everybody just wants to help you.

We're family. We get through these things together.

HANK:

And I don't get, you know, lung cancer?

How can that happen?

You don't even smoke.

You know, I'm thinking that this goes back 20 years, maybe, to the applications lab, all those chemicals they had you working around.

We-- We always took the proper precautions.

One time you complained that they didn't give you the right kind of, um,

I don't know, some kind of ventilation hood or something, and-- And--

And then the headaches.

Honey, it wasn't that.

How do they think they can get away with this?

We should hire a lawyer.

Okay, so first let's deal with this.

Okay, so, what's the next step for Walt?

Certainly a second opinion, right?

Right. Right, absolutely.

MARIE:

Okay, so first thing tomorrow,

I talk to my radiologists, we find you the best, the oncology dream team.

That's good.

That's good.

[CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES]

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

[SNIFFLES]

I'm gonna go check on Walt Jr.

I, um-- I'm gonna see if I can talk him into,

I don't know, joining us.

I really didn't mean for him to find out that way.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Walt, uh... whatever happens...

I hope this goes without saying, but, um, whatever happens,

I want you to know that, um,

I'll always take care of your family.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[THE PACK'S "FLY" PLAYING]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

♪ Fly ♪

♪ So high, yeah ♪

[MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

JESSE:

Yo, check out these, uh, fake Pop-Tarts.

These are mad tight, yo.

No, thanks, man, pass.

Your loss. These are from, like,

Canada, or something. Imported.

Hey, yo, what happened to your hallway, man?

Did, like, the ceiling fall down, or...?

Oh, yeah, uh, no, man,

I think the house is just settling.

You know, it's been caving in left and right.

Hit me in the eye. Heh-heh.

It's bananas.

Yo, my pops could fix you up, he's, like, a contractor or something.

Yeah? Yeah, right on,

I should grab that number.

Say, Jesse, you still cook a little crystal?

Uh, could be, yeah.

You know, from time to time.

I heard you lost your partner.

Emilio.

Didn't he get locked up?

No, man, uh, he's out.

His cousin bailed him out.

I think he skipped town or something.

I don't know about any of that,

I've just been kind of doing my own thing these days, so...

But you maybe got some crystal, man?

'Cause I could seriously go for a bowl right now, you know, take the edge off.

Hell, yeah,

Sunday night bowl, yo.

All right.

Well, uh, maybe it just so happens that, uh,

I just recently cooked the best batch ever.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah. Came up with this whole new recipe.

It's more like a formula.

It's, like, way, way more chemically--

Shit, you know, it's--

It's just the bomb, so...

But, you know, I don't know,

I've been thinking lately

I'll just lay off of it for a while,

'cause lately it's been kind of making me paranoid, so...

You know, for, like, health-wise, just lay off.

Yo, if you're, uh, not into sharing, man, just tell us to piss off, it's cool.

We don't need no soap opera.

Yeah, man, whatever.

No, no, it's all good, you know.

I-I'm just saying, uh, hey,

I got-- I got plenty of pot.

Yeah, I think I'll bounce, man.

Yeah, sounds about right.

Hey, yo, yo.

Hey, homes, I'm joking.

Okay, I'm totally joking with you.

You kidding? Sit down.

Best scante ever.

Grab that pipe.

[CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

[BELL RINGS]

[GASPS]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPING]

[GROANS]

Okay, there.

[SIGHS]

Shit.

[COUGHING]

SKYLER:

Walt, do you need some help?

[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]

Oh, no, I'm-- I'm fine, honey.

I'm fine. Just, uh, privacy.

Thanks.

[COUGHING]

SKYLER:

I'm right outside if you need me.

Okay.

[COUGHING]

Yeah, any time on Friday is absolutely fine.

Thank you so much for working us in.

Uh, can I just put that on a credit card?

Great. Perfect.

Okay, so we will see you at 10:45 on Friday morning.

Thank you so much.

Okay.

Oh, yes.

Honey, the best oncologist,

I mean, not even just in New Mexico, but one of the top 10 in the entire nation, his name is, um, Dr. Delcavoli, and we see him on Friday.

[SKYLER SIGHS]

Ah.

I mean, Marie really came through for us.

She had her boss call, and...

[SIGHS]

Okay, this is good.

From here on out, I mean, things are gonna--

What's--? What's that we're putting on a credit card?

Uh, it's just a deposit kind of thing.

How much of a deposit?

It's $5000.

Five thousand?

Jesus.

What's that, just to start?

I mean, just to tell me what I already know?

Walt, he's not in our HMO, okay?

So be it, we'll figure it out.

Come on, don't get hung up on money here.

We can always borrow from Hank.

Absolutely not.

No, I just...

We're not gonna do that.

[SKYLER SIGHS]

Well, maybe we can ask your mom.

Have you even called her yet?

Walt, regardless, you're gonna have to tell her about this.

I'm willing to do it, but I--

I'll call. I'll call.

Okay, look,

I don't even want us thinking about money.

Money is not the issue here.

It's not.

I know. I know.

It's not.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll take care of the deposit.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll, uh...

I'll borrow it from my pension.

[DUCT CLANGS]

Oh, damn it!

Hey. Heh-heh.

Hey, pal, what's up?

Oh, uh, yeah, no,

I thought I heard mice.

Heh. Boy, that's--

That's all we need, huh?

[GRUNTS]

So, what's up, pal?

What the hell's wrong with you?

What?

You're-- You're acting all...

You're... You--

You're all...

W-why are you acting so weird?

Son.

You're--

You're acting like nothing is going on.

[SCOFFS]

[SIGHS]

[SIREN WAILING DISTANTLY]

[WHISPERS]

Oh, no, please.

Please, please, no.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[LAUGHS, COUGHS]

[SAY ANYTHING'S "BABY GIRL, I'M

A BLUR" PLAYING]

Hey, no, hey!

[HORN HONKING]

Hey!

Put that douche bag on the phone.

WALT:

Oh, come on.

Hey, am I--? Am I gonna have to come down there and whup your ass?

[MOUTHING WORDS]

And let me tell you something else,

I'm not doing this for charity, right?

I'm the best he's got.

He knows it, I know it

I expect to be paid to a level commensurate with--

I said, "Dave, do you think

40 grand is a proper bonus?"

That's less than 10 percent of what I booked this quarter.

I'm not gonna sit here and be disrespect--

Oh, he's shitting bricks.

Oh, you know he is.

Yeah, that man lives in fear.

I'll go across town--

Hell, I could go anywhere.

Hoffman, Gordon Bradley, or Sorcher.

Even Goldberg-Wayne.

They'd make me a partner just for walking in the damn door that's how ecstatic they'd be.

WOMAN:

Next customer.

[HIGH-PITCHED]

Hells, yes, brother man.

Dude, you should check this chick out.

Who? No.

Buddy, she's a cow.

Stacey's a cow.

We're talking major barnyard boo-hog.

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot before you hit that, man, you know what I'm saying?

That kind of stink does not wash off.

Sir?

MAN:

Ha-ha-ha. Right.

Sir.

MAN:

Oh, yeah?

Sorry. Hi.

MAN: Yeah. Oh, totally.

Hi. What can I do for you today?

MAN:

Which dude?

Dude that looks like a lizard?

WOMAN: Next in line.

I, um...

MAN: He limps like some leper.

I-I'm sorry,

I-I would like--

MAN:

Grosses me out. a cashier's check in the full amount, made out to Oncology Partners of New Mexico, please.

Oh, that's O-N-C-O-L-O-G-Y.

Yeah, you got it.

MAN:

I don't understand why they're forcing you to choose between piccolo and oboe.

You show so much promise with both.

They can't have any switching between woodwinds.

No matter how they divide it up, someone would be left out.

Rules are rules, I guess.

MAN:

Sure, rules are rules.

I'm all for that.

But I'm telling you, you really shine on that oboe.

You have real talent, and I'm not just saying that.

Thanks.

What about Mr. Pemberton?

Is he giving you enough individual attention?

I'd say so. He tries to talk to each one of us at least once during every practice.

That's good.

Feedback's important.

It's key, I think.

Hey, so how was soccer practice?

[METAL CLANGS]

I think that was in our backyard.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's there?

[SIGHS]

What the hell are you doing out here?

Hey, Dad.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, Mom.

Jake.

Got new patio furniture.

Right on.

[GRUNTS]

Hey. Heh-heh. My leg.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN:

What do you think it could be?

God knows I'm no expert.

I don't know. Uppers, downers?

Your guess is as good as mine.

I think we should check his arms for needle marks.

[SIGHS]

Do we let him stay?

The Presbyterian Church has those meetings.

So maybe on condition, you know?

If he agrees to attend.

I-I just don't know what to tell Jake.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Hey.

Hey. Good evening.

Well?

Sleep well?

What time's, uh--?

What time is dinner?

In about an hour.

You know, I could, uh, wash those clothes if you like.

They look a little lived in.

Oh, um, no, that's cool.

Yeah, maybe later.

We are not doing this again.

Adam--

No.

We said we'd lay down the law, we lay down the law.

We just have to be consistent about it.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey.

WALT:

You're, uh--

You're not taking the bus?

Oh.

All right. Well, listen.

Um, give me maybe another 20 minutes, and we'll get out of here.

All right.

All right.

Yeah, good.

[COUGHS]

You know,

I-I just think that, uh... things have a way of working themselves out.

JESSE:

Wow.

When did you, uh--?

When did you get this?

Last May at the year-end assembly.

They gave me that one too.

The one on the end.

Environmental

Consciousness Award.

What's that mean? What, you, like, recycle cans and shit?

I contacted

The Albuquerque Journal and asked what kind of chemicals they use to bleach their paper.

Wound up writing an article about it.

Right on, little bro.

Making mad inroads with the business community.

All right.

Now, hey, remember, not all learning comes out of books.

[CHUCKLES]

Look at you. Heh.

You know, we should--

We should hang out more often.

You know, just, uh--

Just kick back and chill.

I mean, if you ever, like,

I don't know, need advice.

Because, you know,

I've been--

I've been through it all.

For real.

Yeah, man, you, uh--?

You play the flute?

It's a piccolo, actually.

Dude, play some, uh--

Play some Jethro Tull.

Hey, guys, how we doing in here?

We're, uh-- We're good.

Jake?

Yeah. Fine, Mom.

Well, that's good.

That's-- That's great.

You know, what the hell?

You see this?

What am I, some criminal or something?

Whatever.

Whatever?

What, you--?

You think that's okay?

Like,

"Oh, we can't let that scumbag warp the mind of our favorite son."

I'm the favorite?

Yeah, right.

You're practically all they ever talk about.

[♪♪♪]

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, snap.

Awesome.

[CHUCKLES]

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

[BEEPS]

[WHISPERS]

Yeah?

MAN:

Yo, man, it's me.

Hey, listen. You know that, uh--? That product?

You got any more of that?

No, man, okay?

I'm done giving out freebies.

You want charity, go ask the Salvation Army.

No, no charity. No.

I got this cousin, he's got him some rich friends.

These dudes are in town, they're looking to party.

And your stuff is, like, so sweet.

So what do you say?

You up for making some fat stacks?

'Cause they'll buy everything you got.

[METAL RATTLING]

[GRUNTS]

Yes. Yes. Okay.

[COUGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, you can't be serious.

What the hell are you doing here?

Yo, I waited till the ball buster left.

I mean, no offense.

Who sent you, huh? Huh?

You wearing a wire?

Hey. Jesus.

You setting me up?

Homo. A wire? You want a wire?

I got a wire.

Speak into the mike, bitch.

What the hell's wrong with you?

A wire.

Jesus.

So who did you tell about...?

Nobody. What, are you nuts?

Then why are you here?

I don't know.

To, like, touch base.

Touch base?

Yeah, you know, um, what they call a debrief.

Maybe we could, like--

Thought we could debrief.

Debrief?

Wow, that's--

That's what you think we need, debrief?

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, a-after what happened, it just seems like the thing to do.

Kind of, you know, talk about it.

I mean, we can't--

We can't talk to anybody else.

Anyway, th-that and I wanted to, uh,--

Wanted to, you know, tell you how much everybody digs that meth we cooked.

Everybody digs the meth we cooked.

Seriously. I got dudes that would give their left nut for a little more.

Oh. Great.

I'm just saying,

I mean, if you ever, you know, saw your way clear to, um, you know, you and I cooking a little more...

Wow.

Get the hell off my property.

What? I'm just saying.

Go! And don't come back.

Now.

All right.

All right, you know what?

Four grand.

Your share from selling that batch.

That's why I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Hey, I didn't smoke it all.

Non-small-cell adenocarcinoma.

Stage 3A, which means it's spread from the lung to the lymph nodes.

There's no denying it's very serious.

But it-- Is it--?

It is... curable?

I prefer the word

"treatable."

But the treatments we have at our disposal can be very effective.

Without making any promises,

I can tell you that the specific course of radiation and chemotherapy

I'm going to suggest has been successful.

In certain cases, it's prolonged a patient's life and even resulted in remission.

Hmm. Um, w-what about the side effects?

Well, they can be mild to practically non-existent.

Or they can be pretty darn awful.

It varies from patient to patient.

Typically, there's hair loss, which begins a couple of weeks after the start of chemotherapy.

You may find yourself unusually fatigued, not much energy.

You won't want to get out of bed.

You may lose weight due to reduced appetite and certain intestinal issues.

Muscle aches and pains, gums will get sore and bleed.

And, uh, of course, there's the possibility of nausea, although we'll prescribe an antiemetic and try to counteract that.

[FADING]

Possible kidney or bladder irritation.

You may wind up with increased bruising and bleeding.

There are maybe sexual symptoms.

Your skin may become dry...

[SIGHS]

Got anything to say?

What do you know about that?

Nothing.

Well, that's not gonna fly this time.

How many chances have we given you?

How many times have we sat right here and had the same conversation over and over again?

Where you look us in the eye and you plead ignorance?

And you play on our emotions and you tell us anything and everything you think we wanna hear, just so we'll give you another chance.

Mm-hm.

And it makes us feel like fools.

Every time.

Enough, Jesse.

Enough.

[SIGHS]

MAN:

We are not going to have this in our house.

We need you to leave.

[SCOFFS]

Thanks for not telling on me.

Uh, you think

I could have it back?

[LAUGHS]

It's skunk-weed anyway.

[INDISTINCT TV CHATTER]

MAN [ON TV]:

The Air Force is aware

of the widely-held belief

that some of these

could be flying saucers from--

You know, this is actually very hopeful.

Nothing conclusive

in the evidence,

but probing and digesting

of information about UFOs

continues unceasingly.

Did you hear me?

I said this is really very, very hopeful.

Oh.

Defense Command in Colorado

Springs issued an order--

So can I call them and--?

And tell them you'll start next week?

Uh...

Even as they did so,

the military wondered whether

their scientific know-how

and their best weapons

would be effective

in any battle

of the Earth

versus the flying saucers.

I just think that we need to discuss it a little more, that's all.

What is there to discuss?

You're gonna get the best treatment, and he's the best.

Well, there's the money discussion. I think--

No, $90,000 out of pocket.

Maybe more.

SKYLER: There's a way, Walt.

There's financing, there's, um, installment plans.

I-I-I could always go back to work.

Walt, there's always a way.

All right.

Skyler, say that there is a way.

And we spend all that money, and...

Am I supposed to leave you with all that debt?

No.

Honey.

I just don't want emotions ruling us.

Maybe treatment isn't the way to go.

WALT JR.:

Then why don't you just fucking die, already?

[GASPS]

Just give up and die.

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING VIOLENTLY]

[HORN HONKING]

Come on, move your ass.

MAN:

Uh, name of the guy?

You'll like him.

Yeah, dude, I'm not worried.

I got the best fricking attorney.

I would not want to be on the other side of this one.

He's got this little team of ninjas too, that go out and do forward operations--

He's got crap on people.

[DARONDO'S "DIDN'T I" PLAYING]

[ALARM BLARING]

MAN:

What the hell?

What?

ATTENDANT:

Don't go near it, buddy.

MAN:

What--? What are you doing?

Call somebody.

Call the fire people.

ATTENDANT:

Yeah. I have a fire...

MAN:

I don't believe this.

Do you know how much

I paid for that?

♪ Didn't I

Do the best I could? ♪

♪ Didn't I? ♪

[SHOUTS]

Why are you doing this?

♪ Didn't I? ♪

♪ I tried my best

Just to be a man ♪

♪ Didn't I? ♪

♪ Didn't I do it, baby? ♪

♪ I tried to bring the truth

To light ♪

♪ It's the mystery to me ♪

♪ That you won't talk to me ♪

♪ What could it...? ♪