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Bit by a Dead Bee

[PANTING]

Okay. That's okay.

Get that.

Hey.

[WALT PANTING]

[♪♪♪]

[WALT COUGHING]

WALT: Oh, God. Please.

JESSE: Oh, jeez.

WALT:

Please.

Please.

[BRAKES SQUEALING]

It's a bold plan,

Mr. White.

You sure this is the way to go?

Yeah.

Yeah.

WALT:

Gracias.

[MOANS]

[BOB JAMES' "FEEL LIKE

MAKING LOVE" PLAYING OVER PA]

MAN:

You see that?

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[♪♪♪]

SKYLER: What does he remember?

MAN: Not a whole lot.

He came in dehydrated and disoriented, but once we gave him fluids he stabilized pretty quickly.

SKYLER:

But I mean...

He knows where he is?

MAN: Oh, yes, yes. Absolutely.

It's only the last day or so that seem to be missing.

Go on in.

He's probably awake.

Oh.

My God.

Oh, Walter.

[BOTH SOBBING]

WALTER:

I'm so sorry.

Come here.

You know who

I am, right?

Yes, son.

I know who you are.

Come here.

Give your old man a hug.

It's so good to see you.

How do you feel?

Better.

Yeah. I...

I feel like myself.

Really, I mean, in...

[SIGHS]

The past couple days are missing, but other than that,

I-- I-- I feel fine.

My God, Walt.

What a day this has been, huh?

So, Uncle Hank, he was in a shootout?

A shootout?

He killed some guy.

Some big drug dealer.

Uncle Hank wasted him.

Oh, my God.

Is he all right?

SKYLER:

Absolutely fine.

Where did this happen?

How could he--?

Walt, everything's okay.

We're all okay.

We'll be all right.

MARIE [OVER PHONE]:

And no idea what caused it?

No.

But they're gonna run a whole series of tests, so...

But what could it be?

I mean, did they give you

a worst-case scenario?

Um, I really...

[SIGHS]

You know, there's no point in getting ahead of ourselves, so...

Well, which supermarket?

Is it, like, a big one?

Like, a chain?

Marie.

I--

Don't get me wrong.

I think it's just great that, you know he's back and he's feeling better.

I just-- I mean...

He-- Naked?

He was naked.

Naked.

In a supermarket.

It wasn't Whole Foods, was it?

[SIGHS]

In any case,

I'm gonna get over there

as soon as I can.

No, no. Don't-- Don't worry about it right now, Marie.

How's Hank?

You know, I ran over here and I got to see him all of

30 seconds before they yanked him away.

You know, you'd think today of all days they'd let him go home on time.

But how is he?

Really?

Hank?

He's indestructible, you know that.

I identified myself and told the suspect to show his hands, turn and face me.

At this point, I identified the suspect as Mr. Salamanca and observed what appeared to be a gunshot wound in his midsection.

He was shot previous to your arrival?

Yes, sir.

Again I instructed him to show his hands.

Mr. Salamanca lunged toward the vehicle and fired on me with what I ascertained to be an M16 assault rifle.

I returned fire and sought cover as Mr. Salamanca proceeded to engage me.

When he paused to reload,

I was able to take an effective shot.

Agent Schrader, what were you doing in a shooting fight on your own, with no backup?

Mr. Salamanca's presence was not something I'd anticipated.

I was tending to another matter.

What other matter?

An unrelated family matter.

Searching for your brother-in-law, as I understand.

Your brother-in-law?

Yes, sir.

He's since been found.

He's fine. The whole thing was a misunderstanding.

But at the time, he'd been missing for several hours, and since he's in poor health, the whole family was concerned.

I was talking to his friends and acquaintances, trying to get a fix on his whereabouts.

The Monte Carlo at the scene belonged to a former student of his, a Jesse Pinkman.

I was tracking down

Mr. Pinkman's car when I came across

Mr. Salamanca.

And what about this Pinkman?

What was his car doing at the crime scene?

Have you run him down yet?

Not yet, but we're working on it.

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO

CHATTER]

BADGER:

Man, they're like

Jehovah's Witnesses.

They don't give up.

I don't get it. Why don't they just kick your door down?

They need probable cause.

Probable cause?

Yo, what did you do?

Rob a bank?

I told you, this is serious shit.

I'm like an outlaw.

Okay.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS,

CAR DRIVES AWAY]

Let's do this.

Holy Christ!

You're Willy Wonka.

You are Willy Wonka, and I got the golden ticket.

Oh! Put me on your magical boat, man.

Sail me down your chocolaty river of meth.

So where you keep the pseudo?

It's a P2P cook. That barrel?

Aqueous methylamine.

With that, you don't need pseudo.

Come on, help me out, man.

No pseudo?

Come to me, beautiful baby.

I'm gonna be so good to you.

Oh, my God.

Just take this, here.

But I can't just let you break this down.

I mean, that'd be sacrilege.

I told you, that's why we're here.

You saw the cops. Right?

Sure.

But couldn't we just cook one quick batch?

You know, for the road?

No, forget it, all right?

This stuff has to go, like, now.

Dude, you owe me.

I mean, we're cool and all, but I ain't forgetting you just left me stranded.

God, Badger!

Don't mess with me.

Got it?

Yeah, I got it.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

JESSE:

Oh, my God.

[BOTH PANTING]

Okay, that's all of it.

This was a bad choice.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

You sure about this guy?

BADGER:

He's totally, totally cool.

He's my cousin.

Yo, what'd we say, 500?

We didn't say, and it's 1000.

Thousand bucks?

Come on, where you towing it, man, Seattle?

It ain't the miles, it's the cargo.

Look, I mean, all I got on me is...

[JESSE SIGHS]

560.

You know what?

JESSE: Hey-- No--

Clovis, he'll pay you the rest later.

He's totally good for it.

Jesse's a stand-up dude.

That right?

You a stand-up dude?

Yeah, I am.

I will get you the other 500.

Five hundred more.

Your word's your bond, right?

Right.

I saved your skinny ass, yo.

I totally vouched for you.

What are you doing now, exactly?

I'm giving you like two hours, and then I'm calling on a pay phone, not a cell phone.

You're not using your own name.

I mean, obviously.

Look, dude, I'll do, like, what you said, but why?

Why do you gotta go and do this?

They need probable cause.

I'm giving it to them.

What's the last thing you remember?

Uh, well, I was driving home.

I think.

And...

SKYLER:

Do you remember coming home?

You came in, and I asked why you were out of breath?

You don't remember talking to me when I was in the bathtub?

No, I'm sorry, I don't.

Nothing else?

No fleeting images?

Uh, well, no. I, um...

I-- I was--

I was walking down some road or highway with a lot of headlights, and I remember feeling fear.

Oh. That's it.

All right. Thank you.

Well, there's definitely some good news here.

The MRI shows no metastases.

Meaning the cancer hasn't spread to the brain?

Yeah, we're looking really good.

Oh, thank God.

[SIGHS]

So, what was it, then?

SOPER:

Well, there's no sign of stroke or seizure.

And considering your condition, the blood panel looks good.

Then what are we talking about?

What--? What happened?

As of right now, we really can't say.

Forgive me.

Granted, this is not my field, but isn't it possible that this had something to do with all the prescriptions

I've been taking?

There's the antiemetic, the antitussive, the this, the that.

Not to mention the chemo itself.

Ahem. And being off all of them for the past few days,

I have to say I'm feeling much better.

Yeah, and--

And, you know, when we pick up these medications, the information sheets are as long as your arm.

I mean, it's page after page of side effects and warnings.

Right, exactly.

Could it be that simple?

Well, we'll take another look at that, sure.

Walt, I understand that you've been kind of stressed out lately.

Stressed out? I--

No, I don't think I'm--

SKYLER: Walt, please.

Stressed out is putting it mildly.

Well, I guess I've had a lot on my mind lately, but as I've said,

I'm feeling much better.

Shouldn't we be talking about when I can get out of here?

Well, that may still be a ways down the road.

A ways down the road?

Actually,

I think our next move is to schedule a psychiatric evaluation.

Now, is-- Is that absolutely necessary?

Walt, nobody likes being in the hospital. I get that.

But until we know what caused this incident, we can't be certain it won't recur.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

That your last hit?

Yeah.

JESSE:

All right, finish it quick.

[SNIFFING]

[♪♪♪]

[CAN OPENS]

[WENDY SCREAMS]

AGENT: Show me your hands.

Get on your stomach now.

Get on your stomach now!

Get over! Roll! Do it now!

[WENDY GASPING]

[GRUNTING]

JESSE:

I'm going, I'm going.

Hey, what's going on, huh?

What did I do?

Jesse Pinkman, I presume.

[JESSE GRUNTING]

[HANDS DRUMMING]

What, man?

HANK: Tell me again.

Again?

What's there to tell, okay?

Her and I were partying, that's it.

HANK:

Since Saturday night?

Partying for three days straight, huh?

Just bumping uglies and smoking that crystal you got from your pal, Tuco?

Taco? I don't know any Taco, and I damn sure didn't say anything about no crystal.

Three days, you must have got hungry.

Uh, yeah, I guess.

HANK: You order take-out?

Yeah.

Yeah, where from?

You get yourself a little of that moo goo gai pan from that chink place around the corner?

No, no, we didn't. We got stuff from the vending machine.

You know, Funyuns.

I had a Hot Pocket.

Funyuns and Hot Pockets?

You didn't notice your car was gone?

No, not until you guys went and busted down the door.

Okay, now, who's gonna pay for that, huh?

Management's gonna be on my ass for sure.

How come you weren't answering your cell phone?

It was in my car.

That right?

Yeah.

We found your car, but your phone wasn't in it.

Wait, you found my car?

You found my car?

Awesome!

DEA all the way! Yes!

Since we're talking about missing property, did you, um...?

Did you leave anything else in the car?

Like what?

Like what? Like, uh...

I don't know. Like this?

[ZIPPER RASPS]

[SNIFFS]

Sixty-seven thousand, nine hundred and 20 dollars.

Uh, that's not mine.

HANK:

That's not yours? Huh.

He says it's not his, Gomie.

GOMEZ: Hm.

HANK:

Gee, I really thought this might be yours.

I wish.

Unclaimed drug money, huh? Nice.

You know what we got here,

Gomie, don't you?

That's a new interdiction van right there, yeah.

Definitely some new softball jerseys, because we need them, you know?

Good thing Tuco's already dead.

I lost this kind of money,

I'd wanna kill myself.

So who's your chief, little Injun?

What?

What does that even mean?

It means I think your story's bullshit.

I think you know who Tuco Salamanca was.

I think your car was there because you were there.

Tuco had a bullet in him when I got there and I think you know something about that too.

Wait, so, what are you saying?

I-- I shot someone?

With, like, a gun?

You?

No.

Only shooting you do is into a Kleenex.

But I think you know the badass who did.

Look, I was partying with Wendy, okay?

Funyuns and boom-boom.

No.

I don't think so.

Tell you what.

We're gonna, um, go talk to that skinny yeast factory of a girlfriend you got.

And you know what?

I got a feeling she's gonna, you know, roll on you.

Don't go nowhere.

Ah.

Oops.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS]

Where's my root beer?

Come on.

I gotta pee and I got low blood sugar.

I got medical issues.

Medical issues?

Like, what kind of medical issues?

You got penis withdrawal?

You got schlongus interruptus?

Wendy, listen.

Talk to me and you get a root beer and a tinkle.

Now, tell me the last three days.

I told you, we were shacked up since Saturday.

Neither of you left the room?

Not even for a little, little minute?

Not even for a-- A second?

For a second?

I don't know, maybe.

Maybe? Well.

Did Jesse leave the room?

He did, didn't he?

Wendy, you can do it.

You can do it, Wendy.

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.

You know you wanna go back to giving windys, Wendy.

It's you. I know you.

You're the one in the black truck.

You wanted me to do that kid.

GOMEZ: What?

The kid with the crutches.

The football player.

How about we stay on topic?

Look, Jesse came over to the palace at 11:00 Saturday night.

We were together the whole time, and he never left the room.

And that's all

I'm saying about that.

Now, come on.

Where's my root beer?

You wanted her to bang a football player, you big, bald pervert?

It's a long story, Gomie.

GOMEZ:

Yeah, I'm sure it is, and I wanna hear it, but first we gotta kick Pinkman loose.

Not yet. I got one more shot at that little skid mark.

CHAVEZ:

And how are you sleeping?

Um, fine. Most nights.

Yeah, good.

Have you noticed any recurring thoughts or images, things you can't get out of your head?

[SIGHS]

How about feelings of guilt or persecution?

No. Look, doctor,

I don't mean to be rude, but where is this going, exactly?

We're starting a process, Walt.

An ongoing process.

Do you prefer Walt or Walter?

Ongoing for how long?

I just met you.

It's hard to say.

We could be talking about days, weeks, months.

Look, doctor, I feel fine, really.

Now, if this is truly necessary, can't I continue as an outpatient?

Walt, a fugue state is a very serious event.

What if you were to disassociate while you were driving?

What if you were to get into a situation where you could be shot by the police?

You understand, we can't allow you to leave until we're certain what happened was a non-recurring event.

Saying you feel fine doesn't solve this.

Would you tell me about patient confidentiality?

It's very straightforward.

Without your permission,

I can't disclose anything you tell me to anyone.

What about my family?

Not to your family, not to the police.

Not to anyone.

The only exception would be if you threatened to kill someone.

Then I'd be able to tell that person, but only that person.

And you, as a medical practitioner, you abide by these strictures absolutely.

Yes.

All right.

There was no fugue state.

I remember everything.

The truth is,

I couldn't stand to spend another second in that house.

I just had to get out, and so I left.

I didn't think about it.

I just did it.

I-- I walked for a long time, and when I couldn't walk anymore, I hitchhiked.

I got as far as Gallup...

[SIGHS]

...and then it was just time to come home.

So... being found naked in a supermarket, that was your way of giving credibility to a lie?

Of avoiding questions about your disappearance?

Why run away?

What did you feel you had to run from?

Doctor, my wife is seven months pregnant with a baby we didn't intend.

My 15-year-old son has cerebral palsy.

I am an extremely overqualified high school chemistry teacher.

When I can work,

I make $43,700 per year.

I have watched all of my colleagues and friends surpass me in every way imaginable, and within 18 months,

I will be dead.

And you ask why I ran?

[BELL DINGS]

HANK:

Gomie, you wanna do the honors?

[GOMEZ SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[BELL DINGS]

What's that mean?

That means yes.

Yes is a bell, no is no bell.

Oh, come on, this is bullshit.

I mean, look at this dude, all right?

He doesn't even know what planet he's living on.

Señor, are we on the planet Mars?

Are we on the planet Saturn?

Are we on the planet Earth?

[BELL DINGS]

[JESSE SCOFFS]

Señor, is today Friday?

Is today Monday?

Is today Tuesday?

[BELL DINGS]

Okay, seems like he's all there.

Let's go for it.

Señor, was this man at your house yesterday?

Señor, was this man at your house yesterday?

This guy right here, he was at your house, right?

Was he doing business with your nephew Tuco?

Señor, are you scared of this man?

Nah, he's not scared.

Come on, Granddad.

Don't you wanna help us out?

[FARTS AND DEFECATES]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, man.

I guess that's a no.

GOMEZ:

I told you, numbnuts.

This guy's OG.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Kept his mouth shut for

17 years in San Quentin.

Stroke or no stroke, old-school gangbang Mexicans don't help the feds.

All right, already.

It was worth a try at least.

We gotta kick

Pinkman loose.

It's all right.

He's nobody anyway.

What, you telling me you buy that lame-ass story of his?

I buy that lame-ass story more than I buy he had anything to do with shooting Tuco, man.

JESSE:

Dad? Hey, Dad.

Hey, can you hear me?

Uh, yeah, yeah, no,

I'm fine. Hey, I'm, uh...

What's--?

She did? No, I, uh--

I didn't get any messages.

Um, you know, I actually lost my phone, and I've been too busy to get a new one.

I've been busy as--

As totally productive.

Hey, you know what? I'm actually zeroing in on a job.

Yeah, yeah, data entry, like we talked about.

Yeah, I'm totally amped.

Hey, um, could you give me a ride?

I'm actually-- I'm downtown and my car's in the, uh...

Oh, no. Yeah, hey, that's cool. I will--

I'll call you later when you, um, have some...

Okay. Yeah. No. I, uh--

I get it. I get it.

Okay, bye.

Thanks.

So, what are you doing now?

Waffle House?

Waffle House is good.

[PHONE RINGING]

Pay phone?

Pay phone, in the middle of nowhere, nobody followed.

So how did it go?

[SIGHS]

Okay. You?

They sweated me plenty, but they finally cut me loose.

So you getting out of there?

Tomorrow.

So who came for you?

The DEA?

What did they ask you?

Yeah, that's the thing, you know.

Your scumbag brother-in-law took my rainy-day fund.

Your what? What is that?

My rainy-day fund.

Sixty-eight thousand, okay?

Cue-ball son of a bitch laughed in my face.

Now I got like 80 bucks to my name.

Wait, wait.

What does he know?

Does he know it's your money?

No, man.

He doesn't know shit, okay?

The plan worked.

They bought it.

I got bills due, man.

I'm screwed.

Did he mention my name?

No. Thanks for caring.

What about the basement?

It's clean.

And the RV?

Badger's cousin took it to his garage. It's safe.

Can he get it running again?

Why?

So we can cook.

So you still wanna cook?

Seriously?

What's changed, Jesse?

[HANGS UP RECEIVER]

Seven-hundred thirty-seven thousand.

Twenty-one pounds, minus cash on hand...

Cash on hand.

[COUGHING]

[MOBILE CHIMES]

[CHIMES]

[CRUTCHES CLINKING]

[SIGHS]

Sorry, honey.

Did I wake you?

WALT JR.:

No, I was awake.

Want some cornflakes?

Uh, yeah, sure.

You okay?

Yeah.

[THE BE GOOD TANYAS' "WAITING

AROUND TO DIE" PLAYING]

♪ Sometimes I don't know

Where this dirty road ♪

♪ Is taking me ♪

♪ Sometimes I don't know

The reason why ♪

♪ So I guess I'll keep

Gambling lots of moves ♪

♪ And lots of rambling ♪

♪ Well, it's easier

Than just waiting around ♪

♪ To die ♪

[DOOR OPENS]

Southwest Aniline again?

What's this?

It's the blue meth we found up by your late homey.

Tuco wasn't my homey, any more than Charlie Manson was yours.

Lab says it got cooked,

P2P-style.

P2P, huh?

So, what are you thinking?

The two stooges over here cooked it?

Lab said that blue meth's the purest they've seen.

At least since this.

Krazy-8.

Yeah.

Krazy-8, Tuco...

Somehow, some way, it's all connected.

A simple explanation, only I'm not seeing it, and it's making my head hurt.

That's because you're working that ugly melon too hard.

It's dead around here.

Let's go get a couple of beers.

It's 11 in the morning.

I'm buying.

You're buying? Holy crap.

What, is it

Cinco de Mayo already?

Oh, yeah.

ALL:

Surprise!

Aw, you little sneaky bastard, you.

Very nice work.

Thank you, sir.

MAN 1:

Congrats, man.

What's this?

MAN 1: Look what we got you.

Ahh! Look at that,

I love it.

They got the gut right.

Hey.

MAN 2: There you go.

Hey, thanks, man.

Thank you.

We all got you a little something, and this is from all of us.

Ah, you shouldn't have.

Oh, you sick, sick puppies.

[ALL APPLAUD]

I love it. Oh!

You gonna finish your apple juice?

Uh, no, thanks, buddy.

You take it.

You're-- You're supposed to drink it.

The nurse said you have to stay hydrated.

But I'm not thirsty.

Dad. Drink it.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey. Hey.

Better late than never, huh?

Hey.

Hey.

How you doing, buddy?

You all right?

I see the mark of the beast there, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Marie stopped by this morning.

They really cheer the place up.

Oh, hey, I ran into

Sky downstairs.

They're rounding up a wheelchair for you, you freeloading bastard.

WALT JR.:

So tell us about the shootout.

Ah, I was, you know, just doing my job.

Whole thing was over in about, uh, five seconds.

Say, Walt, you know, how--? How are you?

I'm okay.

Really, I'm--

I'm feeling fine.

Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

The doctor is calling it a...

An isolated episode of transient global amnesia.

[LAUGHS]

Damn.

Which means non-recurring.

Non-- Well, non-recurring.

That sounds good, yeah.

Sounds real good, huh?

I'll tell you what,

I'm glad you're back.

You know, you really gave us a scare.

Listen, Hank.

I don't know what to say. I mean, you going out there looking for me put you in danger, and I'm so--

Sorry, sorry doesn't even cut it. Not nearly.

No, no, no. Is that what you're worried about?

Forget it. No, no, no.

Look, at the office, they're treating me like

I'm Eliot Ness, okay?

I mean, they threw me a party, the gals baked me a chocolate-chip cake like you wouldn't believe, okay?

Hey, you ought to disappear more often.

[LAUGHS]

Just kidding.

Don't-- Don't do that.

Uh... Oh, hey, look.

Look what they gave me.

Look what they gave me.

WALT JR.:

What is it?

HANK:

Ha-ha-ha. That, gentlemen, is the grill of the guy I shot.

His grill?

Yeah.

It kind of goes over the front teeth like that, you know?

Sort of a fashion statement, I guess.

You know, certain folks are attracted to shiny things.

Wow, cool.

Yeah.

[SIGHS]

I can't tell you how good it feels to be home.

I'll get these in the wash.

Okay.

Um...

Say, honey, I...

I was just thinking about going out to 7-Eleven.

Do you need anything?

Big Gulp? Slim Jim?

Skyler, listen to me.

This will not happen again, okay?

I won't let it.

I'm still here. I'm me.

And we're gonna be okay.

Walt... do you have a second cell phone?

A second cell phone?

The night you disappeared, you came in when I was taking a bath and you were very upset.

It was like something terrible had happened.

And then your cell phone rang.

And I saw you check the number, and then you got up and just disappeared.

Hm.

Yeah.

And when Hank checked your phone records, there was no call.

No call on the phone

I know about.

Wow.

That is odd.

I mean, I don't remember any of that, but one thing I am sure of is that I don't have a second cell phone.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]