Home > Breaking Bad

Kafkaesque

MAN:

In the little village

where I was born,

life moved at a slower pace,

yet felt all the richer for it.

There, my two uncles were known

far and wide

for their delicious cooking.

They seasoned

their zesty chicken

using only the freshest

herbs and spices.

People called them

Los Pollos Hermanos,

"The Chicken Brothers."

Today, we carry

on their tradition

in a manner that would make

my uncles proud.

The finest ingredients

are brought together

with loving care,

then slow-cooked to perfection.

Yes, the old ways

are still best

at Los Pollos Hermanos.

But don't take my word for it.

One taste and you'll know.

[♪♪♪]

[WHIRRING]

[♪♪♪]

JESSE:

Two-oh-one-point-six.

Jesus, seriously.

Better over than under.

Over by a pound and a half.

I thought you were all, like, precise.

Whatever. We'll just save it out till next week.

We ship it as is.

What, are we running a charity?

Come on, man.

We're gonna take it out.

Leave it.

One batch, one ship.

Stop complicating things.

Why are you purposely giving him free meth?

These bitches are bleeding us enough already.

You are paid extraordinarily well.

Why can't you just appreciate that?

Yeah. Hey, I been crunching numbers.

You've been crunching numbers?

Yeah.

And I don't gotta be a mathematician to figure out that this deal you made is bullshit.

We both earn--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

A million and a half each.

Whoop-dee-doo.

What's he getting, huh?

Say he's wholesaling at 40 large a pound.

That's probably high.

High. What, for our stuff?

That's what I was getting.

All right, look, say he's getting 40 a pound.

All right, 200 pounds a week for three months.

And, like, what happens at the end of the three months?

Look, whatever.

Two hundred pounds a week for three months.

That's 2400 pounds.

Twenty-four hundred times 40,000 is--

And I swear to God,

I double-checked this like 10 times.

Ninety-six million dollars.

Ninety-six million dollars.

All right? Ninety-six million.

Ninety-six to our three.

That is messed up, yo.

That is so messed up.

Fairness-wise,

I can't even--

Jesse.

You are now a millionaire and you're complaining?

What world do you live in?

One where the dudes who are actually doing all the work ain't getting fisted.

What is going on with you lately?

What's happened to you?

Hang on, can't we just--?

Hey, we gotta hash this out.

Hey, what's more important than money?

[DOOR SLAMS]

[WHISPERING]

These things they laughingly call pillows,

I would not give them to prison inmates.

You want me to go ask for another?

No, just remind me to bring his from home.

They're not moving his legs enough.

[KNOCKING]

GOMEZ: Hey, everybody.

Hi, Marie.

Is it okay if I visit?

Yeah.

His color looks good.

[FAINTLY]

Gomey, is that you?

Buddy, yeah, it's me.

That's you, Gomey?

Yeah, Hank.

I'm right here.

Come here. Closer.

What is it?

Closer.

Asshole.

[LAUGHS]

Man, he got you good.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm glad to see you still have your twisted sense of humor.

[LAUGHS, THEN COUGHS]

God.

Hey, check this out.

I got something that'll make you feel better.

Been keeping an eye on that blue meth of yours.

Six, seven weeks, nothing.

Then all of a sudden, boom, it's popping up everywhere.

Look at the new locations.

Texas, Nevada, up in Farmington.

Even right here in town.

A teener here and there, you know, strictly street-level amounts.

Man, it's crazy.

How exactly is that supposed to make me feel better?

Because you were right.

You're the only one that saw this coming.

HANK:

Well, three cheers for me.

[CLICKING]

[GROANING]

This thing doesn't do a damn thing.

Hank, it's probably still on lock-out.

It's been an hour, right?

I'm hurting here.

I could use some meds.

I'll go find somebody.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, no more shop talk.

Sorry.

I didn't see it coming.

GOMEZ:

What? Damn right, you did.

No, I didn't see shit.

Day late and dollar short, as usual.

The only reason

I'm even breathing is I got a warning call.

SKYLER:

A warning call?

What do you mean?

One minute before they attacked me, somebody called my cell and told me to expect it.

A voice scrambler.

Could have been anybody.

Marie's got my phone somewhere, if you want to run the incoming.

Not that you're gonna learn anything worth knowing.

GOMEZ:

I don't get it. Cartel hit?

Who would have called to warn you?

HANK:

I don't know.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, Jesus.

Come on already.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

[SOFTLY]

Damn.

[GOMEZ SIGHS]

Skyler, I had nothing to do--

Are we safe?

Yes.

Are you safe?

Absolutely.

GROUP LEADER:

Jesse?

Jesse?

What about you?

Face looks better.

How's it all going?

Anything you wanna tell us about?

What, like my interesting life?

Uh, one day pretty much bleeds into the next.

Been working a lot.

Got a job.

GROUP LEADER: Job is good.

It's, um, it's in a Laundromat.

It's totally corporate.

Corporate Laundromat.

JESSE:

It's, like, rigid.

All kinds of red tape.

My boss is a dick.

The owner, super dick.

I'm not worthy to meet him, but I guess everybody's scared of the dude.

The place is full of dead-eyed douche bags, the hours suck and nobody knows what's going on, so...

Sounds kind of Kafkaesque.

Yeah.

Totally Kafkaesque.

Majorly.

Ooh. From the U.S. attorney in Santa Fe.

Very nice.

[CHUCKLES]

SKYLER:

You've got all these nice tulips and baby's breath.

MARIE:

Oh, and this is chrysanthemum.

That looks like chrysanthemum.

SKYLER: Yeah.

MARIE: Look at these.

Aren't they beautiful?

Beautiful.

Wow, look at the size of this basket.

It's got so many goodies in it.

Look, chocolate-covered pretzels and cheese sticks and some fancy designer olives.

You had me at cheese sticks.

Mm, you're gonna have to fight me for those, Hank.

"Get well and best wishes from Ted Beneke and all the folks at Beneke Fabricators."

Wow, he gives you all this time off and now this.

Get me a job there.

I know. He's great.

Boss hall of fame. I don't see anything here from Kleinman.

They're gonna have to get on the stick.

[KNOCKING]

How's everybody doing today?

MARIE:

Good. We're good.

How are you?

I'm very good.

Hi, Hank. Just gonna do a quick peripheral response, all right?

See where we're at.

Moment of truth?

Yeah,

I wouldn't call it that.

All right, let's just take a look here.

All right.

All right, now I want you to tell me if you can feel this.

All right.

How about this?

Okay.

How about now?

Do that one again, would you?

Right there?

Yeah, yeah, I feel a tingle.

On a scale of one to ten, ten being your normal level of feeling and one being no feeling at all.

Oh, I don't know.

Four?

Okay, four. Okay.

And how about there?

Yeah. Um, a six.

Okay, good.

And, um, here.

Yeah, still there.

A little less.

A three.

Okay.

All right, good.

Thank you very much,

Hank. Did good.

S-So this is good news, right?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Gosh.

It looks like some nerve function is returning.

Oh, thank God.

All right, so when do we get him walking again?

DOCTOR:

Marie, it's important that we manage our expectations.

We're talking about months of very hard work.

And even then, the odds, they're not great.

But you can't know for sure.

No.

When does he start physical therapy?

We've sent the paperwork to your insurance.

It's high-priority.

We should have pre-authorization in the next few days.

Certainly by early next week.

MARIE:

Next week?

No, that's not gonna do it.

I've looked into this.

And the sooner physical therapy begins, the better his chances are.

He needs daily sessions.

Isn't that right?

Well--

Actually, your plan's treatment program covers four sessions a week.

Actually, she asked the doctor.

Um, plan-wise, four treatments a week is fairly typical.

And the therapists in your network are mostly fine.

Mostly fine. Okay, well, there's a ringing endorsement.

Look, if Hank had more physical therapy with better therapists, wouldn't it be more likely he would walk?

It's very hard to say,

Marie.

Is the health plan's way medically justifiable? Sure.

Is it absolutely optimal?

You know, screw it.

I'm gonna make sure he gets what he needs.

They can reimburse me.

Mrs. Schrader, I get your frustration. Really, I do.

But my best advice is stay in the network.

Don't go out of pocket.

Physical therapy is just the beginning.

We're talking nursing care, modifications to your home, occupational therapy, medical equipment.

It could run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So what?

We're just supposed to compromise on his care?

Well, if you don't follow the insurance company's procedures, they may never pay you back.

I've seen patients and their families go bankrupt waiting to be reimbursed.

Who is the best physical therapist that you know?

I can give you some names.

But they're not likely to be on your plan.

MARIE:

To hell with the plan.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING

OVER SPEAKERS]

[BELL RINGS]

Eh, there he is.

Finally. I went ahead and started without you.

Ladies, this is Jesse-san.

He's in for the full treatment.

Hey, kick off your shoes.

Lay back.

Exfoliate.

Maybe later.

Where's the maestro, out parking the minivan?

Do I look like his shadow?

Who cares where he's at?

What am I doing here?

Well, I was gonna have you two flip a coin.

But since the genius can't be bothered, today's your lucky day.

Look around, kiddo.

It's all yours.

What?

This?

Yeah.

You are now the owner of this fine establishment.

For free?

Free?

Oh, ladies, cover your ears.

No, not free.

Look, hey, this is a squeaky-clean, highly profitable--

At least potentially.

--local institution looked upon with favor by the Chamber of Commerce,

Better Business Bureau.

At $312,000, it's a steal.

Three hundred and twelve thousand?

Don't you get it?

On the outside, it's a nail salon, right?

On the inside, it's the best money laundry a growing boy could ask for.

Wait, wait, wait. Hey.

Ladies, thank you.

Good job. Come back here.

Sit. Come on, come on.

Humor me here for a second.

Now, you know you need to launder your money, right?

Do you understand the basics of it, placement, layering, integration?

I ain't buying no damn nail salon, so just forget it.

Don't you want to stay out of jail?

I mean, you wanna keep your money and your freedom.

Because I got three little letters for you: IRS.

If they can get Capone, they can get you.

Hey, look. Here's you, right?

Pink, Pinkman. Get it?

Okay, here's your cash.

You're out on the town.

Yeah, you're partying hearty.

You're knocking boots with the chicky babes.

Oh, who's this?

It's the tax man.

And he's looking at you.

Now, what does he see?

He sees a young fellow with a big fancy house, unlimited cash supply and no job.

Now, what is the conclusion the tax man makes?

I'm a drug dealer.

Enhh. Wrong.

Million times worse.

You're a tax cheat.

What do they do?

They take every penny, and you go in the can for felony tax evasion.

Ouch! What was your mistake?

You didn't launder your money.

Now, you give me your money, okay?

That's called placement.

Hand me that little thing--

Bin.

This is the nail salon, right?

I take your dirty money and I slip it into the salon's nice clean cash flow.

That's called layering.

Final step, integration.

The revenues from the salon go to the owner. That's you.

Your filthy drug money has been transformed into nice, clean, taxable income, brought to you by a savvy investment in a thriving business.

So you want me to buy this place so I can pay taxes.

I'm a criminal, yo.

Yeah, and if you wanna stay a criminal and not become, say, a convict, maybe you should grow up and listen to your lawyer.

Right, so you can get your 5 percent.

No, that's 17 percent.

I heard you say 5. You said it right in front of me.

Yeah, that was for your partner.

It's privileges of seniority and all.

But for you, it's the usual,

17 percent and that's a bargain.

Hey, what?

You-- Hey, listen--

Come on, I'm talking to you about your future here.

Listen to reason.

GUS:

How is your brother-in-law?

He'll live.

Good. I'm glad.

Walter, you seem troubled.

How can I help you?

I asked to see you in order to clear the air.

There are some issues that could cause a misunderstanding between us, and I think it's in our best interests to just lay the cards on the table.

That's the best way to do business.

My brother-in-law, moments before he was attacked, someone called to warn him.

I believe that same person was protecting me.

Those two men, the assassins,

I believe I was their prime target.

But that somehow, they were steered away from me to my brother-in-law.

Because of this intervention,

I am alive.

And yet I think that this person was playing a much deeper game.

He made that phone call because he wanted a shootout, not a silent assassination.

In one stroke, he bloodied both sides, set the American and Mexican governments against the cartel and cut off the supply of methamphetamine to the Southwest.

If this man had his own source of product on this side of the border, he would have the market to himself.

The rewards would be enormous.

We're both adults.

I can't pretend I don't know that person is you.

I want there to be no confusion.

I know I owe you my life.

And more than that,

I respect the strategy.

In your position,

I would have done the same.

One issue which troubles me...

I don't know what happens when our three-month contract ends.

What would you like to happen?

You know why I do this.

I want security for my family.

Then you have it.

Three million for three months.

That was our agreement.

Extended annually,

12 million a year.

Call it 15. Open-ended.

Would that be agreeable?

Hm.

[♪♪♪]

[HORN HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

GROUP LEADER:

Part of the reason we talk about what gets us riled up in our daily lives is to help each other put a finger on what our relapse triggers might be, head off our disease before it comes back.

So, anyone?

Free license to bitch and moan.

How often do you get that?

Jesse, last time, you seemed down about your job at the Laundromat.

Let me ask something.

If you had the chance to do anything you wanted, what would you do?

Make more green, man.

A lot more.

Forget about money.

Assume you have all you want.

JESSE:

Um...

I don't know.

I guess I would make something.

GROUP LEADER:

Like what?

I don't know if it even matters, but, uh... work with my hands, I guess.

Building things, like carpentry or bricklaying or something?

I took this vo-tech class in high school, woodworking.

I took a lot of vo-tech classes, because it was just a big jerk-off.

But this one time,

I had this teacher by the name of, uh,

Mr., uh, Mr. Pike.

I guess he was like a Marine or something before he got old.

He was hard of hearing.

My, uh--

My project for his class was to make this wooden box.

You know, like a small, um--

Just like a-- Like a box, you know, to put stuff in.

So I wanted to get the thing done as fast as possible.

I figured I could cut classes for the rest of the semester and he couldn't flunk me as long as I, you know, made the thing.

So I finished it in a couple days.

And it looked pretty lame, but it worked, you know, for putting stuff in or whatnot.

So when I showed it to Mr. Pike for my grade, he looked at it and said:

"Is that the best you can do?"

At first I thought to myself,

"Hell yeah, bitch.

"Now give me a D and shut up so I can go blaze one with my boys."

[PEOPLE CHUCKLING]

I don't know. Maybe it was the way he said it, but...

It was like he wasn't exactly saying it sucked.

He was just asking me honestly,

"Is--

Is that all you got?"

And for some reason,

I thought to myself:

"Yeah, man, I--

I can do better," so I started from scratch.

I made another, then another.

And by the end of the semester, by like box number five,

I had built this thing.

You should have seen it.

It was insane.

I mean, I built it out of Peruvian walnut with inlaid zebrawood.

It was fitted with pegs, no screws.

I sanded it for days until it was smooth as glass.

Then I rubbed all the wood with tung oil so it was rich and dark.

It even smelled good.

You know, you put nose in it and breathed in, it was--

[CHUCKLES]

It was perfect.

What happened to the box?

I, um,

I gave it to my mom.

GROUP LEADER:

Nice.

You know what I'm gonna say, don't you?

It's never too late.

They have art co-ops that offer classes, adult extension program at the university.

You know, I didn't give the box to my mom.

I traded it for an ounce of weed.

He's a hero. You don't deny coverage to a hero.

They'll say they're not denying coverage.

No, no, I'm agreeing with you.

But I went through all this with Walt.

You'll burn through your savings, and then what?

Well, you two managed, right?

You said yourself that Elliot and Gretchen's money didn't cover everything.

Jesus, I gotta get back.

What? No.

No, no, no, you should rest.

Look, why don't you go in and take a long bath?

I put some fresh sheets on the bed.

I wanna be there in case he wakes up.

With all they're giving him, he'll sleep till morning.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

TED: Hey, Sky.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Thought I'd stop by to see how you're holding up.

Is this a bad time?

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, Marie, this is Ted, my boss.

Oh, you're Ted.

I've heard so much about you.

Thank you for your gift basket.

That was really thoughtful.

It was nice. Thank you.

Cheese sticks.

Cheese sticks.

You're welcome.

We care about Skyler so much, that naturally that extends to the whole family.

Are you coming in?

Oh, yeah, you should.

I'm sorry. Come on in, Ted.

Thanks. Okay.

We were having some wine.

Would you like a glass?

No, no, thanks.

I'm just on my way home.

I just thought I'd--

You know,

I am really beat.

I think I'm gonna take that bath.

Okay.

It was nice to meet you, Ted, and thank you again.

Nice to meet you too, Marie.

Give my best wishes to your husband.

I will.

Thanks for stopping by, but it's actually not the best time for a visit, so...

Can we just talk for a minute?

I know you need to be with your family, but I haven't heard from you in days and I left messages--

I'm so sorry.

You gave me all that time off and I really should've--

That's not my point.

I care about you. That's all.

Ted, I-- It's just this whole thing with Hank has been one nonstop horror show, you know, so...

Well, I just want you to know that I'm here for you.

Thank you.

Um, but I really do need you to...

Okay.

Okay?

Skyler, I gotta say, your sister seeing me here,

I mean, so what?

I'm divorced.

You're divorced. So what?

Okay, let's talk about it later, Ted, okay?

Is there some reason for secrecy?

Later. Not now.

Skyler, just tell me--

You really wanna do this now?

Are you gonna make me do this right now?

Well...

Yeah, you're right.

Bad idea to come here.

Ted, I'm--

I'll see you in a day or two.

Back at the office.

Take as much time as you want.

BADGER:

I can't believe you had to crush the RV.

Must've been depressing.

PETE:

For real. That's a stone loss.

JESSE:

No one misses it more than me.

Free to cook anytime, anywhere.

No quotas, no one to answer to.

What's the point of being an outlaw when you got responsibilities?

Darth Vader had responsibilities.

He was responsible for the Death Star.

True that.

Two of them bitches.

Just saying.

Devil's advocate.

I gotta pay taxes?

What's up with that?

That's messed up.

That's Kafkaesque.

Church.

Right.

Let's kick it back into gear. All right?

Let's start slinging again.

Boo-yah!

Shh.

Let's do it.

Life's too short, I say.

Hells yeah, bitches.

We don't need no RV.

All we need is a bicycle, some Drano, soda bottles.

No, no. No shake-and-bake.

Where's your self-respect? Come on.

Ain't top-shelf, but we could at least move it.

Still kind of dry out there.

It'll sell on the street.

And who says we sell on the street?

Maybe I know a whole new market.

Maybe all we need is the meth.

[BREATHES]

[SCALE BEEPS]

[SCALE BEEPS]

[ROD TAYLOR'S "MR. MONEY MAN"

PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

What's the yield?

Hey.

The yield. Come on.

Uh, two-oh-one- point-eight.

GROUP LEADER:

I see a couple new faces.

Anybody wanna introduce themselves?

Don't all speak at once.

Yeah.

So my name's Brandon.

Okay, Brandon. You wanna tell us something about yourself?

Well, why I'm here, it's just one thing.

It's meth.

It's bad.

Thought I had it kicked a couple times, you know.

But then, Jesus, this new version of it hit the streets, and, wow.

Not that blue stuff.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't raise my hand.

No, go ahead.

This is what we do.

Yeah, exactly, the blue stuff.

You had it too?

Yeah, bro.

I wish I never even heard of it.

It was like lighting my whole head on fire.

BADGER:

Yeah. That stuff will burn you down.

Only reason I have a hope in hell is because it's long gone.

That's the shame of it.

BADGER:

No, no, man. Don't tell me that.

PETE:

I hear it's back in town.

Stay strong, brother.

Stay strong.

WOMAN:

It's gonna be okay.

MARIE:

I swear to God, I'll do it.

I will go to the press.

I'll go to 48 Hours.

I'll go to Nightline.

I don't know if there's

Nightline anymore.

Doesn't matter.

They will all take it and they will run with it, because he is a hero and he is not going to be in a wheelchair at 43.

Jesus.

Listen, Marie.

I know Skyler's already told you this, but if there's ever anything that you need, anything at all...

It's good to have you here.

Both of you.

I just wish there was something more that we could do.

Walt.

We can always pay their bills.

MARIE:

Please, it's tens of thousands of dollars.

We have the money, more than enough.

Walt earned it.

Skyler.

SKYLER: I think Marie should know the truth.

Skyler, I really don't think this is a good idea.

I think that--

He earned it gambling.

Walt and I, uh... we've had our problems lately.

You know that.

And, uh, what it all came down to really was money.

Pure and simple.

When Walt was diagnosed, it, um... it changed him.

And looking back, I don't think

I ever really understood what it was that he was going through.

It was more than facing death.

It was knowing that he was gonna leave behind...

...nothing.

And so that's how this all started.

For better or worse, he wanted to provide.

And so he paid his medical bills the only way he knew how.

I thought that Elliot and Gretchen paid for your treatment.

Yeah, I thought so too.

The truth is he never took their money. Not a dime.

He was too proud to take what he considered to be charity.

Isn't that right?

So he put his mind to it and...

Well, you know how Walt is.

He's a problem-solver.

And he read books and he did a whole bunch of research, and he came up with this system.

A system?

A system for counting cards in blackjack.

W-What do you mean, like Rain Man?

Well, I don't pretend to understand, you know, all the details, but he was convinced that if he put enough money into it, he'd have a--

God, what is it?

A statistical edge?

Yes, statistical--

So--

Um, yeah.

So he, every spare minute,

Walt was at some card table somewhere.

And at first he went to the casinos, but then he realized that--

[WOMAN SPEAKING

INDISTINCTLY OUTSIDE]

But then he realized that the casinos report your winnings to the IRS.

And if it gets reported, your family might find out.

If you do not want your family to find out, you find another place to gamble.

Like an illegal backroom game.

You remember all those long walks that Walt used to take, all that time he used to spend away from home?

I guess for a couple months there, you were sort of leading a double life, weren't you?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, y-your--

Your fugue state.

Was that some sort of cover?

No, no.

He did not fake that, Marie.

The night that Walt disappeared... he lost $14,000.

[SIGHS]

It was his pension fund, our savings, basically every last dime we had to our name, gone.

He couldn't live with it.

He was suicidal.

But you have to understand that as soon as he got out of the hospital, he went right back to gambling.

I mean, that's how deep this went.

How could you do that to her, Walt?

Anyway, this system of his?

He finally got it to work.

So all this is to say we have the money.

No more gambling.

But we have the money.

How much money?

Walt?

Uh...

Well... it's into seven figures.

Oh.

MARIE:

Holy Mary, mother of God.

What can I say?

I did very well.

Marie, you will take our money.

Use it to take care of Hank.

Please.

Marie, let us help.

Does Walt, Jr. know about this?

Absolutely not.

And I need to keep it that way.

And Hank, okay? Hank's got enough on his mind right now.

Can we please keep this between us?

Yeah. Yeah, I--

Yeah, I just--

I need to--

Yeah, okay. We'll talk about it later.

How did you come up with that?

I mean, where did you possibly--?

I learned from the best.

Somehow, something tells me that Hank is here because of you.

And I'm not forgetting that.

[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING]

[♪♪♪]