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Bug

[♪♪♪]

[WALT BREATHING HEAVILY]

[♪♪♪]

[CAR DOOR BEEPING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I got it, I got it.

You're like a bee at a damn picnic, Marie.

[IMITATING BEE BUZZING]

Morning.

Hey, buddy.

Ready to get your rocks on?

See? I knew it.

"Mineral show" is just some sort of guy code for "strip club."

Yeah. You got your singles?

Got it?

Yeah.

Don't let him get too crazy, okay?

Cram one more giant geode in here, we'll be sleeping in the garage.

HANK: Got it. I got it.

I'm sorry.

[GRUNTS]

HANK:

Christ. Longest week ever.

[HANK LAUGHS]

Here's just hoping we get something good.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Relax, buddy, this ain't no spy movie.

[CHUCKLES]

It's more like Rocky, you know?

[HUMMING "EYE OF THE TIGER"]

HANK:

♪ Get the bad guy ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause it's the eye

Of the tiger ♪

♪ It's the thrill

Of the fight ♪

♪ Risin' up ♪

[MUMBLING LYRICS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CUTS IGNITION]

But-- What are you doing, buddy?

Leaving.

No, go inside, order something like last time.

Avoid suspicion.

Besides, I want a vanilla shake.

We'll use the drive-thru.

All right, baby, let's see what we got.

What the hell?

Look at this.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

That's work. That's home.

That's work, that's home.

What, this guy... he goes two places every day, all week?

It's unbelievable.

Chicken-slinging son of a bitch.

Hank, is it possible that maybe, just maybe, he's not your guy?

A guy this clean has got to be dirty.

[SIGHS]

What's the play here, buddy?

How do I get this guy?

Yeah.

How?

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[DIALING]

Yes, hi.

I live on the 4900 block of Doswell Place, and I want to report a very suspicious man who's lurking in my neighborhood.

He's sitting in a blue sedan, and he--

He's been staring at a particular house for a very long time.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

If you would,

I would appreciate it.

All right.

I guess we'd better get started.

I already did.

Yeah?

Hey, uh...

Got one of those for me?

One of those what?

Cigarette.

[SCOFFS]

Look, it's still in there, all right?

I didn't get a chance yet.

Just give me one.

[COUGHS]

Hm!

So, what have you been up to?

What?

You know, just a day in the life.

What do you do after work?

Go home. Watch TV.

What do you watch?

I don't know, stuff.

Well, like what?

Like, uh, Ice Road Truckers.

Ice Road Truckers.

What happens on that one?

Guys drive on ice.

[CHUCKLES]

I am gonna do it.

You gotta inhale, by the way.

What the hell, man?

Don't you have enough cancer already?

Look.

I said...

I'd do it. I'll do it.

Yeah, well, what does it matter?

We're both dead men anyway.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[CALCULATOR WHIRRING]

[BUTTONS TAP]

[BEEPS]

[PHONE LINE RINGS]

WALT [OVER PHONE]: Hi.

Hi.

Am I, uh, catching you at a bad time?

No. I have a few minutes.

So Mr.

I'm-Almost-16-So-Leave-Me-Alone doesn't want a big thing for his birthday.

Wants to hang out with friends.

Which is fine by me. You?

Fine by me.

Okay. So I figured

a low-key family dinner,

no official party,

and we bite the bullet and buy him a car.

Used, I was thinking, would be best.

But no more than five years old.

Airbags, safety-rated, all that.

Do you, um, have any thoughts on what kind?

Or should I just go ahead and--?

Yeah.

No, you just go ahead.

Okay.

Listen, on another subject,

I just wanted to tell you that business is good.

Really good.

So good that

I'm thinking, maybe, you don't need to even work your second job.

You're turning a profit?

We're coming close.

Give us another month or two and, yeah, we'll be there.

All of this to say, maybe you could start thinking about an exit strategy.

I'm working on it.

Okay.

[BEEPS OFF]

[RINGING]

[WALT GRUNTS]

Hello?

HANK [OVER PHONE]:

Hey, buddy. Wake you?

No, Hank. I'm up.

Oh, good.

Uh, what you doing?

I'm....

Hey, listen, I'll cut to it.

Another favor to ask.

I'm thinking about Gus Fring,

how he never goes anywhere.

One restaurant, home,

back and forth?

Which now I'm even more

convinced is bullshit,

because the man owns

13 other restaurants, right?

So I started thinking about this little empire of his, right?

Fourteen restaurants.

Who supplies them?

What's the base of operations?

So I do a little digging, and bingo.

Pollos Hermanos has a main distribution center.

Uh, it's not far from town.

The place is huge.

I mean,

I'm looking at it online right now.

It's a--

It's a big warehouse.

And rows of these long poultry buildings, or hatcheries, or whatever you call them.

Lots of space to hide

illicit activity.

Sounds promising, right?

Huh.

So, what do you say, buddy?

Got another

field trip in you?

[HANK CHUCKLES]

Uh...

You know, Hank,

I'm-- I'm-- I'm--

I mean, It sounds great, it really does.

But I'm--

You know, I won't lie.

You caught me somewhat... indisposed.

What do you mean, like--

Like taking-a-dump indisposed?

Yeah. That's...

Embarrassingly, that's it.

You know, it's just...

[SIGHS]

...upset stomach and, you know, everything--

Yeah.

It's out of control.

And it's really explosive.

Bad Tex-Mex at the mall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get it.

You don't have to paint me a picture.

One guy in a diaper is enough for this trip.

Yeah, and I'm sorry, Hank.

Don't be. I've been asking a lot of you lately.

I appreciate it.

I'll find another ride for this.

Another ride?

Yeah. I can get someone else to take me.

Uh, my trainer, Chuck.

Maybe I'll-- I'll ask him.

Well, look, I'm-- This is

probably just a 24-hour thing.

Maybe 48 hours at the most.

And, um, do you think you can possibly hold off for a day or two?

Oh, jeez, buddy,

I mean, I...

You know, I just--

I would just really love to be the one to be able to take you there.

And-- And, I mean,

I've just-- I've just really enjoyed, you know, the time with you and helping you and--

Well, yeah.

Okay, sure.

If it means that much to you.

[CHUCKLES]

Just, you know, give me a call when you're feeling up to it.

Thank you.

I-- I will. Okay.

Bye.

[PHONE BEEPS OFF]

[DIALING]

[PHONE LINE RINGING]

MIKE [OVER PHONE]:

Yeah.

Uh, Mike, listen.

I just want to say first off, don't be angry.

What is it, Walter?

My brother-in-law, my DE-- He...

Soon, he will probably, in the near future, take a ride out to a certain distribution center to look around for things.

You know, just... look around for things.

And, yeah.

[PHONE LINE CLICKS]

Mike?

Where's this all going?

Elsewhere.

[STEAM HISSING]

All set. Please give this to your car-care professional.

Thank you.

[THOMAS DOLBY'S "HYPERACTIVE"

PLAYING OVER RADIO]

So a hand wax for you today?

Okay, great.

Give this to your car-care professional.

And the black Explorer...

We could shampoo your floor mats, but deluxe detailing is the best bang for your buck.

Oh, and SUV's are extra.

And please give this to your car-care professional.

Thank you. Please give this to your car-care professional.

Hey, Sky.

Oh, my God. Ted.

What are you...?

Someone from the office, uh, said you worked down here.

So I thought I'd come down and say hi.

Wow. Well, hello.

[TED LAUGHS]

You look great.

No. No, I don't.

I-- I probably just look crazed.

Not at all.

You look happy.

Last time I saw you...

Hi, there.

Um, I guess, Skyler,

I'm gonna need to talk to you.

[WHISPERING]

Ted, I really don't think we have anything to talk about.

Actually, we do.

SKYLER:

An audit?

Wait, an audit tomorrow?

How long have you had this?

Um, a while.

I debated, you know, contacting you.

Contact me?

What about a lawyer, Ted?

Ted, this is...

This is the CID.

The criminal division.

My God, you're facing a felony charge here.

A $100,000 fine on top of the taxes you already owe, plus five years in prison.

Yeah. It's bad.

Yeah, it most certainly is.

Look, here's the thing.

I was wondering, maybe, if, um... there's some way you could help with this.

Help?

Help how?

Well, with your knowledge of how the books got the way they are, maybe there's some way you could undo what's in there.

You want me to uncook your books?

Well, maybe there's some method or some accounting trick you could, you know, use--

Ted, it doesn't work like that.

The damage is already...

My name.

My signatures are all over those books.

Skyler, I'm accountable, not you.

Let me explain what's gonna happen here, okay?

Once the CID sees this is willful tax fraud, they are going to build the strongest possible case.

And once they start down that path, they have an 80 percent conviction rate.

That's because they're allowed to monitor your mail and tap your phones.

And not just you, Ted, everyone involved in those books.

I can't have this in my life.

I cannot be audited.

Skyler, you're going to be fine, okay? They're after me.

It's the captain they want, not some cashier at a car wash.

No offense.

I'm sorry. I, uh...

Look, I don't want you to worry, okay?

I'm going to figure out a way through this, somehow. Okay?

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Here.

JESSE:

So is he gonna kill him?

Is who gonna kill who?

Gus.

Is he gonna kill Mr. White's brother-in-law?

I mean, he's the reason for all of this here, right?

Because it's totally logical for him to off the dude.

A-hole DEA agent poking around your junk.

Who needs that, right?

Makes sense to get rid of him for good.

[WATER SLOSHING]

But killing a cop,

I don't know.

It could look suspicious if the dude investigating you suddenly up and dies.

Then there's--

There's Mr. White, who would be even more apeshit if he had family getting murdered.

He'd never cook for Gus again.

Guess there's a lot of angles to consider.

If something were to happen, would you have a problem?

Who really cares what I think?

[GUNSHOT]

MAN:

Get down, get down!

[GUNSHOT]

[♪♪♪]

[GUNSHOTS]

Son of a bitch.

You get comfortable, kid.

We may be here a while.

Hey.

Get down!

[♪♪♪]

[GUNFIRE]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Sí.

[IN SPANISH]

Tell them the answer is "yes."

[LIQUID SLOSHING]

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

[IN ENGLISH]

Should I even ask?

I wouldn't.

So, what, is this going to be a regular thing now?

Meth cooking and corpse disposal? Jesus.

Just grab us a spare barrel, Walter.

What was it this time?

What did this poor bastard do to piss off Gus?

Or did Gus just need to send another message?

Shut your mouth.

You shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you.

I don't want you talking to me or Jesse. Just get the barrel.

And if you ever plan on calling the cops on one of my guys again, you go ahead and get two barrels.

[MACHINERY WHIRRING

DISTANTLY]

Yo. Like, um...

I guess I never thanked you for what you did.

Thanks.

Next time don't stand there like an idiot.

Move your feet.

Running and so forth.

But seriously, what--?

What was the deal with Gus?

The deal?

That Terminator shit.

Walking right into the bullets.

What the hell was he doing?

The cartel needs Gus.

His distribution network.

They're not looking to kill him.

But, what? The rest of us are like open season?

Is he doing anything about that, or do we keep hanging out for target practice?

Kid, enough.

You got questions, ask him yourself.

IRS AGENT:

And here again.

Unreported income.

That's more than a year straight so far.

Do you want to say something?

Because I'm having a hard time figuring it out.

I'd have to, um, have a look at the copies of the receipts to refresh my memory.

Take all the time you need,

Mr. Beneke.

That's why we're here.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, I am so sorry

I am late.

I got lost. Hey, Ted.

Sky.

Mwah.

Whoo! This building is so confusing.

There are doors everywhere.

Hi. You are...?

Special Agent

James Bekaris.

Ooh, "special."

Skyler White.

Ms. White, you are the accountant of record for many of these reports, correct?

Guilty as charged.

Perhaps you can you shed light on this history of missing revenue?

Missing?

Mm-hm.

No, it's there.

No. Revenue most definitely flowed through this company, but it's not all accounted for in your reports.

Huh!

Let's take a look.

Hm...

Oh, well, you know, this account here, that is Mr. Keller's account.

And Mr. Keller is an old friend of Ted's dad.

And he always sends an electronic payment, which personally I hate, because I'm a paper person.

But Mr. Keller is one of those environmental people.

So anyway, since there wasn't a physical check,

I didn't enter it into the book.

But the money is there.

Ms. White, you've read

Section 61 of the IRC?

I did not follow what you just said.

How gross income for a business is defined.

You're not allowed to do that.

Well, I think I am.

No, you're not.

You know what they say about opinions.

Everyone's got one.

[LAUGHS]

But seriously, I am.

Doesn't matter if it's an electronic check or a paper check, income is income.

You're not allowed to not declare it.

When I input everything into the Quicken, nothing flashed red, so that's gotta mean it's okay, right?

Quicken.

Mm-hm.

You used Quicken to manage books for a business this size.

I did. Oh, do you guys use that here?

Because it is the best.

It's like having a calculator on your computer. Amazing.

How did you get this job?

Oh, Ted hired me.

No, I mean your qualifications.

What are your qualifications?

Where did you get your training?

Ooh, well, I haven't had any training, per se.

I've always been naturally good with numbers.

Got a good instinct for them.

Right, Teddy?

[SIGHS]

Right.

This is all falling into place now.

Ms. White,

I just have to ask.

You're not managing accounts anywhere else, are you?

Right now? No.

I'm a cashier at a car wash.

TED:

I'm not, uh, really clear about what happened in there.

What happened was good news.

Ignorance of the law doesn't equate to criminality.

It equates to ignorance.

Look, pay your back taxes, pay the penalties, and move on from this.

Just put it behind you.

Ha! Pay with what?

I owe them $617,000.

What am I--?

Look, just figure it out, all right?

And you've just dodged prison.

Sell your assets.

Get rid of the BMW, take out a second mortgage--

Second mortgage?

I have a lien on my house.

I don't have any assets.

There are no assets left to sell.

Ted, if you don't pay them, they will reopen the investigation, and that little fiction

I just spun up there is gonna completely unravel.

You have to settle.

Wish I could.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

GUS:

Come in.

I hope you brought an appetite.

Yeah, I guess.

Mike mentioned you have some questions.

JESSE:

Yeah.

GUS:

We'll eat first, and then we'll talk.

Right on.

What am I doing here?

I know you have concerns.

What happened yesterday to my man at the farm, it was a terrible thing.

Oh, the dude getting his head blown off? Yeah.

I have invited you into my home, prepared food so we could sit and talk.

Discuss what's going on in this business, our business, like men.

And I will explain everything that is happening.

I will answer your questions.

But first,

I need you to answer one question for me.

Can you cook

Walter's formula?

What?

Walter's formula.

Can you produce his product without any help? Alone.

No.

Why?

You're asking me if I can cook

Mr. White's crystal?

Without him?

Me?

The junkie loser you were about to waste and dump in the desert a month ago?

This your plan? Huh?

Invite me in your house, make whatever this is... be my buddy, and make me feel important.

Then get me to keep cooking for you after you kill Mr. White?

You wanna--

You wanna talk like men?

Let's talk like men.

You kill Mr. White, you're gonna have to kill me too.

That is not what I asked you.

You are here because circumstances with the cartel are untenable.

And I need your help.

I need you to help prevent an all-out war.

Now, if you would... answer the question.

[BEEPS]

Hey, you, uh--

You headed out?

Yeah.

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

JESSE [OVER ANSWERING MACHINE]:

Yo, Mr. White.

I really gotta talk to you.

I don't know if you're

with your family,

but this is important.

So I'm hoping

you could come over.

Thank God.

Come on in.

You, uh-- You want a beer or something?

No.

Should I sit down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, go ahead.

Okay, so, um...

Okay, so word has come down that they--

They want me to go to Mexico.

There's some--

Some sort of war brewing between Gus and the cartel.

"Word has come down"?

Yeah, the cartel has been--

Has been messing with Gus' operation.

Like jacking trucks to, like, send a message.

And, you know, yesterday, that dude we brought to the lab.

I mean, they shot him right in front of me.

I mean, just blew his head open.

I mean, some sniper nailed him from like a mile away.

Anyway, uh, they've been holding them off.

But between the cartel taking potshots and your brother-in-law trying to throw a net over the whole deal, it's like what you call a rock-and-a-hard-place situation.

So, Gus is gonna cave.

So the cartel wants half of Gus' entire operation, and they want your formula.

And he's gonna give it to them.

Well, I-- I gotta give it to them.

I mean, I'm supposed to go to Mexico and--

And teach a bunch of cartel chemists how to cook a batch of blue.

You know, and Gus doesn't trust you, so I gotta go.

I mean, you're the chemist, man.

You know, not-- Not me.

I mean, let's say I go down to--

You know, go over there-- Go--

Go to the jungle or whatever, you know, and they got like actual chemists, like cartel chemists asking me chemistry stuff that I don't know how to answer because I'm not you.

And what if, like, all the equipment is in Mexican instead of English?

You know? Oh!

I don't know.

I don't know.

I mean, if--

If I mess this up,

I am dead, you know?

All of us.

Mr. White, look,

I-- I need--

I need your help.

Okay, maybe you could--

Maybe you could, like, coach me or something, you know.

Or you can, like, give me some notes.

Mr. White?

So you saw Gus?

What? No.

You didn't see Gus.

No.

Then who told you all of that?

It was-- It was passed down, like I said.

"Passed down." By whom?

By, uh--

By Mike and them.

I mean, they did. They--

So "they" doesn't include Gus.

You haven't been with Gus.

You haven't seen Gus.

You haven't spoken to Gus.

Why are you--?

You weren't at Gus' house last night.

What?

What the hell? Jesus.

Still here.

It's still here.

Jesus.

You look me in the eye and you tell me that you weren't at his house last night.

I, um...

Look, I didn't have a chance, all right?

Okay? I knew you would react this way.

I knew you would freak out and wouldn't believe me.

That's-- That's why I didn't say anything.

Look, there was just this one big pot of stew, okay?

He just made this one big pot and we both ate from it.

What was I supposed to do, huh?

Poison myself?

Two hours and 18 minutes, and you couldn't figure out a way to give it to him?

He never left the room.

You lying little shit!

You had one thing to do, one thing.

That is the only thing,

I might add, that would save our lives.

And you were right there.

You were in his house.

And you didn't have the guts to do it.

Two hours and 18 minutes?

You never had any intention of killing him, did you?

How did you know

I was at his house last night?

Were you following me?

This.

This is how I knew.

You bugged my car?

7:10 to 9:28 p.m.

Two hours and 18 minutes.

But you had no intentions, did you?

Not the slightest intention.

Everything that I have done for you...

Oh!

You put a bug on my car?

I'm sorry, after everything you've done for me?

What you've done for me?

You killed me, is what you've done!

You've signed my death warrant!

And now you want advice?

I'll give you advice:

Go to Mexico and screw up like I know you will, and wind up in a barrel somewhere!

[GRUNTS]

[EYEGLASSES CLATTERING]

[GASPING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[YELLS]

You son of a--

[BOTH YELLING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[BOTH GASPING AND PANTING]

[♪♪♪]

Can you walk?

Yeah.

Then get the fuck out of here and never come back.

[PANTING]

[WALT GROANS]

[♪♪♪]