Home > Derry Girls

The Prom

♪ Do-be, do-be, do-be, do-be Do-be, do-be, do ♪

-♪ It's Monday morning ♪ -♪ It's Monday morning ♪

-♪ Hip-hip hooray ♪ -♪ Hip-hip hooray ♪

♪ Let's get going It's a brand-new day ♪

-♪ It's Monday morning ♪ -♪ It's Monday morning ♪

-♪ Come on, let's go ♪ -♪ Come on, let's go ♪

♪ Paint on a smile And start the show ♪

-♪ Dum-dum-dum-dum ♪ -♪ On Monday morning ♪

-♪ Dum-dum-dum ♪ -♪ There ain't nothing ♪

-♪ That I can't do ♪ -♪ Do-be-do-be-do ♪

-♪ Oh, Monday morning ♪ -♪ Monday morning ♪

-♪ Oh, Monday morning ♪ -♪ Monday morning ♪

♪ Monday morning I love you ♪

♪ Hoo-hoo-hoo! ♪

-[silence] -[student coughs]

Lovely.

And I believe you wrote the lyrics yourselves, is that correct?

It is, indeed, Sister.

Do you ever think you might have too much time on your hands, girls?

Lose the jackets.

OK, just a couple of things.

Firstly, I'd like to introduce Mae Cheung.

Can you make yourself known, please, Mae?

Miss Cheung's family have recently moved here to Derry, so, I hope you'll all make her feel very welcome.

It's bound to be a bit of a culture shock, Mae.

Things are done differently in this part of the world, but I'm sure you'll soon feel as at home here as you did back in your beloved Donegal.

Announcement from Jenny Joyce and the dance committee.

“The school social event of the year is fast approaching, but before you don your glad rags, and boogie on down--"

I'm sorry, I simply cannot read this.

But before you don your glad rags and boogie on down, we'd like to let you in on our little secret.

We're not actually gonna have a school formal this year.

[students murmuring] What?!

No, listen. We're not gonna have a school formal.

We're gonna have...

♪ Do-be, do-be, do-be, do-be Do-be, do-be, do ♪

A '50s prom!

-[students] What? -Wise up.

I know, I know, but I do love a theme.

Sure, isn't that why people call me the Theme Queen?

-Do they? -Do they fuck.

We wanted to have a real, old school, retro, vintage vibe, so feel free to just go for it.

Feel free to kiss my hole.

♪ Bop-bop, bop, bop ♪

{\an8}♪ Bop-bop, bop, bop ♪

[Clare] There she is.

OK, so I say we just go over there and be ourselves, girls.

Well, not totally ourselves. We should definitely be a bit ourselves.

We could also pretend we're sort of better than we actually are, so,

I suppose what I'm saying is we could present a version of ourselves as less--

-Crap. -Precisely.

Why do we even have to talk to her?

-Because she's new, Michelle. -I hate people I don't know.

And, in case you hadn't noticed, she also happens to be Chinese.

I mean, how class would it be to have a Chinese friend?

-We could keep her in my toy box. -No, we couldn't.

-She'd definitely fit. -That is not the point.

Fine. But can we agree it's on a strict one in, one out basis?

If she joins the group, James has to leave.

-Course. -Absolutely.

Excuse me?

[speaking Cantonese]

Is she all right?

Burnin' for you, Clare.

I-i-i-i-it's Cantonese.

Right. Well, I'm from Donegal, and we speak English there.

If you say so, Mae, but I spent a summer in Killybegs, and seriously, not a fucking word.

We just wanted to introduce ourselves and--

OK. I think I see where this is going. I get this a lot.

Dull, white girls wanting me to join their gang because, well...

-We're not dull. -Sure.

And I'm actually a boy.

Whoa. She has a really fucked-up accent.

We know.

[sighs] What's in this for me?

What are you bringing to the table?

Cream crackers?

I'm good for cream crackers, thank you.

I'll see you round, girls.

Maybe we don't need a Chinese person. We've already got a lesbian.

What? Who?

-Me. -Really?

-You don't look like a lesbian. -What do you mean?

Just that you're a bit... short.

Well, there's no height restrictions... as far as I'm aware.

Interesting. I've always wanted a gay friend.

I mean, ideally a fella.

-Howdy, folks. -Christ.

I'm Jenny. This is Aisling.

We just thought we'd introduce ourselves and see--

Too late, Jenny. She's ours.

I see. Look, these girls are great, but I do have a pen pal from the Caribbean, so, perhaps my circle is a little bit more diverse.

Back off.

Think it over. Give me a call.

Oh, and FYI, the Prom Queen vote closes today.

FY nobody gives a shit.

Here's the wee ballot.

I see you've thrown your hat into the ring, Jenny.

I had my arm twisted, but feel free to tick my box.

Dirty bitch.

Well, this prom is going to be a full-blown dick-fest.

You know, there isn't even gonna be a DJ.

Apparently, Jenny's hired this fuckin' pensioner band.

Christ, really?

I heard the drummer is at least 30.

I don't feel so bad about missing it now.

It clashes with my thing.

The creep convention? Seriously?

It's not a creep convention.

Well, I think a load of perverts getting together to wank over some fella who fights with Hoovers and rides aliens in a telephone box, is the very fucking definition of a creep convention.

It's a Doctor Who night.

Me and my stepdad used to watch it when I was little.

Well, someone should have called social services then, James.

You're not going to the prom then, James?

Well, I was going to ask you to be my date.

I'm sorry, Clare.

You were going to ask James to be your date?

What the fuck's wrong with you?

Well, it's a bit more complicated for me.

You're a lesbian, Clare, not desperate.

Now, I don't know who to ask.

Tell me about it.

There's at least five fellas that fancy the arse off me, but I just can't choose.

Yeah, that's definitely the same.

-I'll be your date, Clare. -But, Erin, people might talk.

They might get the wrong idea.

Let them. We need to break down these ridiculous conventions.

-Are you sure? -I'd be proud to have you on my arm.

-Thank you. -Oh, God.

John Paul's over there.

Christ, but it's been so awkward since we broke up.

For fuck's sake, Erin.

He kissed your cheek at Kerry Coyle's 16th birthday party, and then passed out in a puddle of his own boke.

Yeah, he missed the boat, all right.

I'm sure the fact that he's poking a model is some consolation.

OK. Cara is not a model.

She's done some modeling. There's a difference.

I heard she's gonna be on Baywatch.

She's not gonna be on Baywatch, Orla.

-I heard that too, the Baywatch thing. -So did I.

They don't have people from Derry on Baywatch, OK?

We're just too pasty.

Look, it was never going to work out between me and John Paul.

I realize that now because I'm looking for an intellectual connection, and he wants--

-To ride a model. -She is not a model.

-Oh, my God. -What?

Looks like they're breaking up.

-I can't do this anymore. -Why?

Jesus. Are they really? Are they breaking up?

They are. They're breaking up. This is class.

-What? -Later.

Erin, what are you doing?

She has no respect for herself, and coming from me...

-That is bad. -Exactly.

Hey.

-Hey. Hey! -Jesus Christ.

Sorry. What happened there was, well, I slightly misjudged the level of my own voice, I think.

You're grand. I was in a world of my own.

Everything okay?

-Yeah, yeah. -You sure?

-Oh, yeah. -Really?

It's just, I couldn't help but notice that you and Cara were sort of breaking up a bit there.

Yeah.

I mean, it's all cool.

Really?

It was mutual. It was definitely a mutual thing.

Although maybe she wanted to mutually split up a bit more than I did.

I see.

Now, I'm just not sure it was the right decision.

It definitely was.

We just got each other, you know.

I mean she's so cool, and smart.

Smart? Really?

And she's a model, for Christ's sake.

She's done some modeling.

I'm just wondering whether I should, like, go after her and try and sort it out.

-You definitely shouldn't do that. -Really?

Yeah, it's needy. What you should do is take your mind off it.

Okay, cool. Sweet.

How?

Go out with me.

I mean, go out with us, me and my friends.

We're going to this prom thing on Saturday night.

Prom? Sounds sort of...

-Shit? -Formal.

Oh, no, it's not. It's actually not at all.

It's actually very informal.

It's actually really, like, laid-back, chilled, who gives an eff kind of thing.

It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal at all.

This is a huge day. This is a massive, massive day.

I'm going to the prom with John Paul Riley, for God's sake.

Come on, Mammy.

I don't care if you're going to the prom with John Paul II, Erin,

I'm not buying you another frock. End of story.

But, Mammy, you don't understand.

There's nothing wrong with your Easter dress.

There is lots of things wrong with my Easter dress.

I mean, it matches Orla's.

That being the main one.

Honestly, Erin, I think we'll look so cracker if we both rock in wearing these.

Right. Well, I don't.

Ach, Mary, you'd think the wain's been dropped into it.

You wouldn't nip it in a bit for her?

I'd do it myself, but sewing plays havoc with my acrylics.

Fine.

I really like this fella, Mammy.

Well, if he really likes you, it won't matter what you wear.

Ach, come off it.

Have you a date lined up, Orla?

I do, aye.

What? With, like, a human?

Yeah.

This document is an insult

to the majority of people of Northern Ireland.

All right, Ian, we get the idea, like.

[static]

What are you futtering at?

The picture's just gone a bit sort of--

-Dear Jesus! -[static]

You have to give it a bit of a shock, now and again.

You have to keep it on its toes.

I'm not sure you do have to keep it on its toes, Joe.

It's a television.

OK, OK, OK!

I'm just going to turn it off and on again.

That usually does the trick.

There we go. Hmm?

Doesn't seem to be anything happening now.

This stupid prick's broken the TV, Mary!

For God's sake, Gerry.

He's been futtering.

Excuse me, you're the one that was thumping it repeatedly, Joe.

I'll thump you repeatedly.

Well, the pair of you better sort it out.

London's Burning's on in 20 minutes.

God, Mary, but them poor fellas are flat out with fires, so they are.

Jesus, but they never get a minute.

Aye, it's a good job they keep themselves in such great shape.

Don't, Mary. That Greek fella...

He could throw me over his shoulder any day of the week.

Boke-o-rama.

-I hate to do this, Clare. -I said it's fine.

-Really? -I'm happy for you.

OK. It's just, you don't sound happy for me.

Well, I am. I'm over the moon.

Great, because me and John Paul are just at a really crucial point in our relationship.

You've strong-armed him into taking you to the prom, Erin.

-Doesn't mean you're in a relationship. -We'll see about that.

Hiya. So, this is where the gays hang out, is it?

-[all laugh] -What's happening?

Erin's just sacked Clare as her prom date so she could take a fella she fancies.

Bad craic, Erin. Very bad craic.

-That is not true. -Isn't it?

Well, I mean, there is some truth in it, but--

-Come with me. -Really?

-Really? -Really.

It'll be a laugh. And I'm definitely an upgrade.

Just a wee joke there.

It was--it was dead funny.

-What do you say? -Sounds good to me.

Great. All sorted.

OK. Now that Mae has officially joined the group, we need to give James his notice.

What?

I personally think a week's more than generous.

-Me too. -Orla!

Well, I'm sorry, James, but Chinese people are just better than English people.

♪ We're gonna be so good ♪

Right. I say we hit Primark first.

Classy.

Yeah, well, we have about £17.50 between us, Mae, so, needs must.

It's grand. I swiped my ma's credit card.

Is that grand, or is that actually a criminal offense?

Look, we'll just whack a couple of dresses on it, don't take the labels off, wear them to prom, then return them the next day.

The money will be back in her account as quick as it went out.

No way, Jose.

It's totally grand, Clare. I do it all the time.

You just have to make sure that you don't, like, spill anything on it, or, like, sweat.

♪ We're gonna be so good ♪

What do you think of this one?

I don't know. I'm not sure it's you, really.

Good. I don't want to be me.

Which of these do you like best?

-Definitely the pink. -Has to be the blue.

Yeah, I thought the blue.

This doesn't do my baps any justice.

Have you decided who you're bringing yet?

Well, I've narrowed it down to two.

There's big Johnny Keyes, who works in Dunnes.

Thick as fuck but a massive, massive ride.

Then there's this other fella.

He's not as thick, but he's also not as hot, although I have heard he is really good with his hands.

And when I say he's good with his hands,

I'm not talking about putting up shelves, girls, I'm talking about--

Everybody knows what you're talking about, Michelle.

-Fingering. -Honestly.

I can't find anything I like.

[Orla] Well, I'm just so torn.

I mean, I love my Easter dress, but this is cracker, too.

There's just nothing that doesn't suit me.

♪ You're the best thing ♪

Oh, my God. That's the one.

Can I try that one, please?

Sorry, love, that's been left over for someone.

What?

Hiya!

-Sorry, girls, I can't stop. -Nobody wants you to.

Just grabbing a few wee bits for the prom.

Sure, you know how it is.

Oh, I was just about to try that one on.

Well, I left it over, so...

It's just that red's my color.

Yeah, mine too.

No, you don't understand. I really, really suit it.

Yeah, so do I.

Garnet's actually my birthstone.

Well, ruby's mine, so...

I want that dress, Jenny.

Well, you can't have it.

Bitch.

I cannot believe she wouldn't even let me try it on.

Yeah, well, she did leave it over, so...

-She so knew it would look better on you. -Exactly.

I heard the whole Prom Queen thing's rigged as well.

I heard she's set it up so she can win it.

Fuck me, what a total dick.

She shouldn't be able to get away with that.

Look the only reason we're having a prom is because Jenny organized it.

So?

So, if she wants to be Prom Queen, let her be Prom Queen.

-Why are you sticking up for her? -Why are you slagging her off?

Erin, all we do is slag off Jenny.

Yeah, well, we've the right to slag her off. We put the hours in.

You can't just show up one day and join in.

-Mae is one of us now, Erin. -Mae's an arsehole.

That's out of order, Erin. She's Chinese, for God's sake.

She's from Donegal. And can't you see what she's doing?

“Oh, I'll take you to the prom. Oh, the blue dress is better.”

Oh, my God, are you jealous?

Yeah, I'm going out with the biggest ride in Derry, but I'm jealous of you and your new friend.

Yeah, that's definitely what's happening.

It does sort of seem like that's what's happening, actually.

You know what? I don't need this. I'm going.

-Good. -Grand.

-Great. -Fine.

I went the wrong way.

Now, close your eyes.

I'm just gonna give you a wee light mist, just so it holds for you.

Ooh!

Ach, Sarah, you'll choke the wain.

[Orla coughs]

What do you think?

God, aye, it's different, isn't it?

Different? What does that mean?

It was nice of Michelle to lend it to you, love, but it just doesn't look very comfortable.

It's really comfortable, actually.

It's like a second skin.

I wish you would wear your Easter frock, Erin.

When we were wee, we always went to parties dressed the same.

-We're not wee anymore, Orla. -Aye.

What's this?

It's some guidelines, things you are and aren't allowed to say to John Paul when he gets here.

Right.

What time's your date arriving at, Orla, love?

He's already here.

You asked Granda to the prom?

Well, everyone kept saying, you have to ask a fella you really like, and he's the fella I like the most.

Ach, Orla, love.

You're looking well, Joe.

It's not all shite you talk, Gerry.

Should we head?

John Paul's picking me up at seven.

You go on. We'll see you there.

♪ Whatever I said Whatever I did ♪

♪ I want you back for good ♪

♪ I want you back I want you back ♪

♪ I want you back for good ♪

♪ Whatever I said Whatever I did ♪

-Wow. -♪ I want you back for good ♪

Jenny's done some number in here.

Dick. Don't worry, she won't get away with it.

-What? -The Prom Queen thing.

Let's just say she'll be wearing red, all right.

Wh-what does that mean?

Nobody crosses me, Clare.

Mae, wait.

-You look hot. -Thank you.

No, I mean, like actually hot, like physically hot.

You'd better not be sweating in that dress, Clare.

They won't give me a refund if there's a whiff off it.

I'm not sweating.

-Let me check. -Get off me.

Christ, I'm at my wits' end trying to keep them two lads apart.

What? You didn't bring both boys to the prom, did you, Michelle?

I couldn't make up my mind.

I thought I could just stick them in two separate corners and go between them, but they won't fucking keep put.

Imagine that. It's almost like they have their own free will.

Tell me about it. It's a fuckin' nightmare.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Things... ♪

Ach, Jesus, Joe, you're looking well.

Aye, I know.

Why isn't anyone dancing?

How are you supposed to dance to this old shite?

Come on, Orla, we'll show them.

♪ I said things ♪

♪ Can only get better ♪

♪ Can only get Can only get ♪

♪ Lay it on me You know ♪

♪ I know that things Can only get better ♪

-[Michelle] Jesus Christ. -[Clare] What's wrong?

They're talkin' to each other now!

They're actually fuckin' talkin' to each other!

[Clare sighs]

-Are you Clare? -That's right.

Hi, I'm Kris. I'm here with Tara Martin.

She's... oh, God, where's she gone?

[chuckles] Tall, blonde, wears glasses.

Ah, Trampy Tara.

We've just started seeing each other, actually.

Oh, no...[laughs] not that kind of trampy.

We just call her that because she's got quite a heavy gait.

You should listen out for it.

Anyway, what can I do for you?

-Well, I see you're hanging out with Mae. -That's right.

-So, I know Mae from back home. -From China?

No, Donegal.

Yes. Right, sorry.

No worries.

Mae went to my school.

Did she ever tell you why she had to leave?

Had to leave?

[clock ticking]

♪ You could say this was ♪

♪ An independent love song ♪

♪ It's nothing like two lovers ♪

♪ What love meant to them ♪

♪ That's not to say The love we had... ♪

He's not coming.

Ach, love.

♪ I'm doing it a different way ♪

I'm gonna go and change.

Maybe leave it another few minutes.

I want to get out of this thing.

♪ You might say this is ♪

♪ Another boring love song ♪

♪ To be together ♪

♪ And forever be true ♪

♪ And so today... ♪

[doorbell rings]

♪ ...is much the same As it was then ♪

♪ I'm doing it a different way ♪

♪ I'm doing it a different way ♪

[exhales] Your mum rang me.

But what about your creep convention?

OK, it's not a creep convention, and it's not important.

Shall we go?

Can you give me one minute?

♪ I'll show you how to take me ♪

♪ Go down, go down ♪

♪ I'll show you how to love me ♪

♪ Right on, right on ♪

♪ I'll show you how to touch me ♪

♪ Right on, right on, right on ♪

[instrumental music playing]

Michelle, listen.

-Well, that backfired. -What?

The lads, they worked it out. They've gone to the pub, together.

Look, there's a guy here. He knows Mae.

What's going on? Oh, don't tell me.

-Wank features stood you up. -Yeah.

-I'm sorry, Erin. -No, I'm sorry.

You were right. I was jealous.

Mae's just so cool and exotic, and you liked her so much.

-She's deranged. -What?

I met this guy that went to her school.

He said she had to leave for, like, being a bully.

He said she's seriously unhinged.

I think he's a bit pissed off with her, to be honest, and I can't blame him,

'cause she's given the Chinese population in Donegal a really bad rap.

Typical Donegal man. Always moaning.

-There she is. -[Michelle] What's she doing?

She was talking about how she wasn't going to let Jenny get away with the whole Prom Queen thing.

Jesus Christ, look.

Above the stage, look.

She's not gonna do a Carrie.

-Fuck-a-doodle-do. -What's a Carrie? What does that mean?

-You've never seen Carrie? -No.

-It's some film. -Amazing.

Aye, you should check it out.

Expand and explain. Expand and explain!

So, Carrie is voted Prom Queen, and this bully pours a bucket of pig's blood on her.

Jesus Christ!

I mean, lots of other stuff happens, too, but that's the sort of relevant bit.

[microphone feedback] Can I have your attention, please?

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for-- it's time to crown our Prom Queen.

Holy shit.

How long are we supposed to go on like this, Gerry?

I'm trying my best.

We've already missed Coronation Street.

Well, every cloud, as they say.

I've warned you before, Gerry.

You say another bad word about Coronation Street, and you may leave this house and never return.

And you'd have my full backing on that, Mary.

God only knows what else we've missed.

We won't have missed anything.

-[TV static, starts playing] -Yes!

[TV anchor] And tonight's main story again:

a historic evening for Northern Ireland.

As of midnight tonight, after 25 years,

the IRA have called a ceasefire.

In a statement released earlier this evening, they said

there would be a complete cessation of all military operations.

-What did I tell you? -Aye, well done, Gerry.

And our Prom Queen is...

Jenny Joyce.

[applause]

We have to do something.

[Jenny] Thank you, so much.

-I'd just like to say a few words. -Quick!

-Firstly, this is such an honor. -[running footsteps]

Mae, stop.

Piss off, Clare.

-[metal squeaking] -[struggling grunts]

Lovely words, Jenny, well done.

[squeaking]

-[Michelle] Come on, Jenny, don't milk it. -[Aisling] Get off her.

Bite my eye! Traitor!

Have you ever seen Carrie?

[metal scraping]

[splashing]

[screams]

[gasping]

[crowd murmuring]

It's pig's blood. It's pig's blood!

No, I think it's tomato juice.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? They'll never take this back now.

Why would you do this?

-It wasn't us. This wasn't us. -Yeah, right.

We were tryin' to save you!

[screams]

♪ It's not my family ♪

♪ In your head In your head... ♪

[TV anchor] The statement has raised hopes for peace

and an end to 25 years of bombing and shooting

that has led to the deaths of more than 3,000 people.

♪ In your head In your head ♪

♪ They are crying... ♪

[TV anchor] The British Prime Minister, John Major, said,

“We are beyond the beginning, but we are not yet in sight of the end.”

♪ ...head ♪

♪ Zombie, zombie ♪

♪ Zombie-ie-ie ♪

♪ What's in your head In your head ♪

♪ Zombie, zombie ♪

♪ Zombie-ie-ie-ie oh ♪

♪ Du, du, du, du ♪

♪ Du, du, du, du ♪

♪ Du, du, du, du ♪

♪ Du, du, du, du ♪