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Business as Usual

I risk eight strips with a purchase at six and a sale of ten.

Quark, it's your move.

Um, just a moment.

Oh, I can't believe it.

You beg me to play tongo with you and then you don't pay attention to the game.

I'll be right there.

Let me put it another way.

If you don't finish this hand, I'm going to call it a night.

Okay, okay.

Who'd have dreamed they'd strike feldomite on Parsion III?

The Sepian Commodities Exchange is in chaos-- everybody's selling, prices falling.

Evade.

Are you sure?

You heard me. Evade!

( terminal beeping )

Okay.

Confront.

You owe me 15 strips of latinum.

Take it.

That's all I've got left.

( sighs )

My antimonium options, my quadrotriticale futures... my powdered newt supplements-- all wiped out.

That's it. I'm finished.

It can't be as bad as all that.

It can and it is.

I'm up to my lobes in debt.

I put the bar up as collateral to three different brokers.

The loans are due in a week.

If I don't come up with the latinum there'll be nothing left of me but a greasy spot on the Promenade.

( whispering )

Here?

Now?

Tell him I'm gone.

MALE: If that's the best lie you can come up with no wonder you're broke!

Gaila!

What a pleasant surprise.

I doubt it.

A clothed female... how titillating.

Isn't this the cousin that tried to kill you?

I see you've heard of me.

Now, if you don't mind

I'd like to talk to my dear cousin... alone.

If you've come for your latinum you've come a long way for nothing because that's all I can give you-- nothing.

Spare me the sad story.

I'm well aware of your financial situation and I'm here to help.

What are you going to do, loan me some exploding latinum?

I can understand your skepticism but I know a way that can help the both of us.

I'm offering you a job.

You'd defy the FCA ban on doing business with me?

What's family for?

Besides, I won't tell if you don't.

You want me to sell weapons, don't you?

That's what I do.

Now, I know you've had reservations about entering this lucrative field.

"It's dangerous."

"It's too technical."

"It's not a people business."

But let me tell you something, Cousin.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I've told you before.

I can't smuggle weapons through this station.

Odo would be onto me in a second.

Who said anything about bringing weapons here?

Then what do you need me for?

I need you, Quark, to do the things you do best-- public relations... showing our clients a good time... providing an atmosphere conducive to closing deals.

I can do that.

Of course you can.

And you'll earn five percent off every sale.

Ten.

You'll take five.

I had no idea.

Weapons is a growth industry.

In a month, all your debts will be paid.

In six months, the Ferengi Commerce Authority will be begging to reinstate you.

In a year you'll have your own moon.

My own moon?

Success... or failure?

What's it going to be, Cousin?

What have I got to lose?

( door chimes )

( whispers ): Come in.

Morning, Chief.

Shh.

Quiet.

You'll wake him.

He only dropped off about an hour ago.

You look terrible.

I didn't get much sleep.

He woke up every hour or two.

Every time I tried to put him back in his crib he started crying again.

He misses his mother.

Oh, when is Professor O'Brien due back from Bajor?

I don't know.

A week, maybe two-- however long it takes to get that blight under control.

That long?

Mm-hmm.

On top of that

Annel had some kind of family emergency so I'm stuck without a baby-sitter.

Don't worry about it, Chief.

Everything's going to be fine.

I'll take care of Yoshi.

Yeah?

Yeah, absolutely.

You sure you're up to it?

Absolutely.

I've baby-sat Ensign Pran's hatchlings a couple of times.

Made sure their little wings didn't get all tangled.

Kirayoshi doesn't have little wings.

Even better.

I think he's worn himself out.

He should sleep now.

If he wakes, give him one of his bottles.

There's diapers in the bag over there.

Don't worry, Chief. I know the drill.

Now, go to work.

You need the rest.

I'll be fine.

I went through the same thing with Molly.

It's just a phase.

He'll grow out of it sooner or later.

Gently now.

Yeah.

You see?

No problem.

I'll check in with you at lunch.

If you need me, I'm just a com line away.

( Yoshi cries )

He... he...

Give him to me.

Shh.

There, there. Shh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

( crying stops )

You're good.

He feels safe with me.

Give me the bag.

I'm taking him with me.

To work?

What choice do I have?

Would you stop doing that?

Shh. I'm just being careful.

Odo could be anywhere... or anything.

Quark... we saw him walk down the Promenade five minutes ago.

He's very tricky.

There he is.

Where?

How good to see you again.

The pleasure's all mine.

Quark, this is my associate, Hagath.

Quark.

My companion

Talura.

Your cousin speaks very highly of you.

I've always said my cousin is an excellent judge of character.

I admire confidence in a man.

In fact, I demand it of my salesmen.

But in business one must be careful not to grow too confident.

That can be a fatal mistake.

I believe the phrase you used to bring me here was "an opportunity of a lifetime."

An accurate description.

Hmm... show me.

Very nice.

Mmm...

Its weight and balance appears just right.

Ah, we have a wide range of targets for you to choose from.

Well, that won't be necessary.

Ah!

A perfect replica.

It even pulls a little to the right just like the real ones.

These are the finest holosuites in the sector.

I believe it.

Remember, we sold 150,000 of those to the Manchovites.

And we sold another 100,000 to the other side.

Now, there was a beautiful little war.

Too bad about the armistice.

Well, all good things must come to an end.

You sell weapons to opposing sides?

On occasion.

It's very dangerous.

If either side realizes what you're doing it could be most unpleasant.

But as they say

"the riskier the road, the greater the profit."

True.

Well, I'm glad I came.

This solves many of our problems.

It certainly does.

No actual weapons coming in or out so we don't break any local laws.

All shipping happens outside Federation space so Starfleet can't touch us.

And since all we're demonstrating are holograms we can even show off the specialty items.

Gaila... well done.

It was all Quark's idea.

Quark... you really are quite a find.

I'm sure we're going to accomplish great things together.

I can't wait.

Uh, just one thing-- don't cross me, Quark.

Don't ever cross me.

Understood?

Completely.

Right.

Now, if it's not too much trouble

I'd, uh, like to see my quarters.

If he were a bit shorter and his teeth were a little sharper he'd make a perfect Ferengi.

Why'd you tell him this was my idea?

I want him to like you.

The Breen CRM-114 works equally well against moving vessels and surface emplacements.

It's guaranteed to cut through reactive armor in the six through 15 centimeters range and shields to 4.6 gigajoules.

It's light.

Here we go.

Oh. Nice.

The quick recharge is one of its most popular features.

I'll take 2,000.

It's a pleasure doing business with someone who appreciates a fine weapon.

How did I do?

You're a natural salesman.

I am, aren't I?

It's no different than selling sandwiches.

What did I tell you?

I always like to celebrate a job well done.

To Quark.

Quark.

I'm going to like doing this job.

You wanted to see me?

Just a minute.

Who would have thought that so much money can be made from Andarian glass beads?

How did things go with the Proxcinians?

He purchased 7,000 tritanium-plated assault skimmers.

Good, and he'll be back for more.

The Proxcinian War is just heating up.

Lucky us.

I suppose you're wondering when you'll start seeing your share of the profits.

It had crossed my mind.

I'm afraid it won't be, uh... soon.

I don't understand.

I took the liberty of transferring your earnings directly to your creditors.

You'll be happy to know they were most appreciative.

I would have paid them their money.

I don't doubt your intentions but money does strange things to people.

I can't afford to have one of my associates distracted with financial difficulties so, until your debt is paid you won't be seeing any profit.

And once my debts are paid...?

Your earnings will be yours to do with as you will as long as you remain solvent.

Quark!

Do forgive me.

You see, my associates are like family to me and I feel it's my duty to keep them from getting into trouble... and to shower them with affection.

Go on.

Open it.

Andarian glass beads!

These must be worth...!

An absolute fortune.

A small token of my esteem.

Look!

( dartboard beeps )

Go ahead. Beat that, Chief.

Come on, Yoshi.

It may not seem fair forcing the good doctor to throw from further away, but... he is genetically engineered.

Uh, Chief... don't you think you should put the baby down?

I haven't put Yoshi down for a week.

If I can carry him at work, I can carry him here.

There must be some baby-sitter on the station that can pacify him.

You want to bet?

But... you can't hold him forever.

You've already got one bad shoulder.

Okay.

You want me to put the baby down?

Fine. I'll put the baby down.

( Yoshi crying )

Happy?

That's amazing.

No, no, this is amazing.

( cooing softly )

Yes.

Ah. Now, if you'll excuse me it's my turn to throw.

QUARK: That's right.

Keep going.

Uh-huh.

Don't stop until you see smoke.

( door chimes )

Oh...

Come in.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

I believe you know the way to the security office.

None of these charges are going to stick.

I haven't broken any laws.

I have a license to run holosuites.

But you don't have a license to sell weapons, do you?

I defy you to prove that I brought a single weapon onto this station.

It's a mere technicality.

We both know what you're doing.

I promise you you're going to face the consequences.

Not today he isn't.

Let him go.

Let him go?!

Major tell the Constable what you told me.

The Bajoran government insists that Deep Space 9 not interfere with the lawful transactions of Hagath or his associates.

Hagath supplied arms to the resistance.

Without him or people like him, we'd all be dead.

The Cardassians would still be in power.

We owe him.

Captain!

I don't like it any more than you do.

Better luck next time.

You better hope there isn't a next time, Mister.

I have cut you a lot of slack in the past.

I even looked away once or twice when I could have come down hard on you but those days are over.

Now we may not be able to get you for selling weapons but you so much as litter on the Promenade and I will nail you to the wall.

Something to look forward to.

I'll never forget how many people told us we were making a mistake.

Sell weapons to the Bajorans?

"What chance do they have?

"Invest in a winner.

Sell to the Cardassians."

But why did you sell weapons to the Bajorans?

They couldn't have had any money.

My dear Quark not every deal is about making money.

Sometimes you have to look at the big picture and at times, gaining a friend is more important than making profit.

I admit, it's not the Ferengi way but it's good business, nonetheless.

I knew the Cardassians would eventually lose and you know why?

Because they were overly confident.

Exactly!

They underestimated the Bajoran thirst for freedom.

I didn't.

( door chimes )

You want me to handle this?

No.

Come in.

Ah, Farrakk.

How nice of you to join us.

What was so important that you had to see me in person?

I was about to close that deal with the Verillians.

Oh, really?

I heard they had no longer any need of our services.

( laughing ): Since when?

Since they signed an agreement with Metron Consortium!

I also heard that you hadn't even opened negotiations with the Verillian.

That's a lie.

And that instead of doing your job... you were off enjoying yourself on Risa.

I can explain.

I don't want any explanations!

I put my faith in you and you let me down.

As from now, our relationship is terminated.

Hagath, can't we just talk this over?

( chuckles )

I made a mistake.

An expensive mistake.

Good-bye.

Are you still there?

Now, that was a most unpleasant experience.

( laughs )

Shall we, uh, get back to what we were talking about?

GAILA: Evening, Cousin.

Business always this good?

I haven't had a single Starfleet customer all day.

Come to think of it nobody from the Federation has come through those doors.

I must be off limits.

Quark as long as we keep the holosuite busy you've got nothing to worry about.

Which reminds me-- we have a very special client arriving next week-- the Regent of Palamar.

Never heard of him.

He's very, very wealthy.

Can't wait to meet him.

He's also very particular about how he's treated.

As well he should be.

After all, he's a Regent.

I have to say, Cousin, you've done well.

And it couldn't come at a better time... for both of us.

Why is that?

I'm thinking about stepping back-- taking it easy for a change.

You could take my place-- run things with Hagath.

You'd be earning a bigger share of the profit.

Have you spoken to Hagath about that?

He likes you, Quark.

And I like him.

I'd also like a bigger share of the profits.

Then everyone's happy.

Except for Farrakk.

What about Farrakk? Didn't you hear?

His ship blew up shortly after he left the station.

Warp core breach!

That Hagath-- what a temper.

What are you saying?

Hagath killed him?

You heard what he said, Cousin.

He doesn't like to be crossed.

Just make sure you don't forget that.

Double snail juice, extra smooth.

Good morning, Commander.

Mind if I join you?

Actually, I do.

That's okay.

I won't take it personally.

Quark, I'm busy.

I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed in you.

I thought you of all people would understand.

Understand what?

That you've finally shown how despicable you truly are?

That you don't care how many people die as long as you make a profit?

Who said anything about people dying?

The weapons I sell are strictly defensive.

To be well armed is a deterrent to war.

Don't you know anything about the balance of power?

Quark, you don't really believe any of that, do you?

Jadzia... there was nothing else I could do.

I was drowning.

The waters were closing over my head and just as my lungs were about to burst my cousin threw me a lifeline.

How could I possibly refuse?

Feeling a little guilty, Quark?

Guilty? Me?

I don't have anything to feel guilty about.

Then why come to me asking for forgiveness?

BASHIR: I've got good news, Chief.

Your son is fine.

Except he cries constantly unless I'm holding him.

I've done every imaginable test-- eyes, ears digestive, pulmonary and nervous system.

There's nothing medically wrong with him.

What are you telling me? My baby's just sad?

Perhaps he's become prematurely aware of life's existential isolation.

You're sure it's not a rash?

Look on the bright side.

He'll probably be a great poet.

There's nothing I can do for you, Chief.

Yes, there is.

What's wrong?

My neck.

Hold on.

I'll get a neural modulator.

Palamarian sea urchin lightly sautéed with garlic and moon grass.

Matopin rock fungi, tossed on a bed of tartoc and seasoned... with clavisoa berries.

And, for the main course... stuffed Wentlian congor snake.

All the Regent's favorite dishes.

I obtained the recipes through his palace chefs in exchange for a small gratuity.

Quark, may I ask you a question?

Go ahead.

Are you trying to ruin me on purpose or is this sheer incompetence?

Ruin you? I don't want to ruin you.

Here we are, about to open negotiations with an important new client and this is the welcome you're prepared to give him?

They told me he'd like it.

This? He's going to like this?!

Yes.

Hmm... well, he should.

It's delicious.

We had you going there, didn't we?

Oh, you had him.

You definitely had him.

Quark, I love you.

It's magnificent.

All of it.

So glad you approve.

Well, that's enough fun for now.

The Regent will be here shortly and tonight, we are going to make some money.

Nassuc was the finest officer I ever had.

I took her out of the ranks and made her a General.

In time, she would have inherited my entire army.

And how does she pay me back?

By declaring independence for her homeworld.

Betrayal-- it's the one unforgivable sin especially when it's committed by someone you trusted implicitly.

Most arms dealers wouldn't understand such considerations.

They have no ideals, no passions except for lining their own pockets.

I always felt you were a man of honor.

You're all men of honor.

How very perceptive of you, Regent.

Now... how can we help you?

I want to make an example of Nassuc and her followers.

I intend to eradicate her entire city.

What kind of casualties are you looking for?

Seven or eight million.

We can help you there.

But that's just the beginning.

Over the next couple of months

I would like the death toll to rise slowly but steadily.

Can you give us a figure?

About... 20 million.

Now, what would be the most effective?

Prions?

Either that or a mutagenic retrovirus.

What do you think, Quark?

28 million dead?

Can't we just wound some of them?

I am here to buy weapons.

Are you here to sell them?

Absolutely.

Quark was just trying to make a little joke but unfortunately, Ferengi humor doesn't translate too well.

So let's forgo any further attempts at, uh, jocularity, shall we?

And get down to the business.

Quark... maybe I didn't make myself clear.

I've been in the weapons business 40 years.

I want to retire.

I don't blame you.

But I'm not going to be able to retire if my hand-picked successor can't control his conscience.

The Regent is insane.

Stop being so judgmental.

It's his bank account, not his mental health you should be concerned with.

But 28 million people-- that just seems wrong.

If Hagath heard you talk that way he would toss you out the nearest airlock.

Look out there.

Millions and millions of stars.

Millions upon millions of worlds... and right now, half of them are fanatically dedicated to destroying the other half.

Now, do you think if one of those twinkling little lights suddenly went out, anybody would notice?

Suppose I offered you ten million bars of gold-pressed latinum to help turn out one of those lights... would you really tell me to keep my money?

Hello, Quark.

You don't look so good.

That's because I'm dead.

JAKE: Way to go, Quark.

I had my whole life ahead of me.

I didn't do anything!

You killed us all.

Now, hold on.

You can't blame me.

Deny it all you want.

You're responsible.

I hope it was worth it.

How much latinum did they pay you?

Enough to buy a new conscience?

O'BRIEN: Why, Quark?

Why did you kill my baby?

( wheel clicking )

This isn't my fault.

( wheel stops )

You lose.

No... no.

( screaming ): No!

What have I done?

( whispering ): Chief, why is the baby in the pit?

It's kind of hard to explain, sir.

Try.

As soon as I took him down there with me, he fell asleep.

Could be the pattern of the lights the hum of the optronic emitters the vibrations of the ODN relays...

I'm not sure.

But the point is, he's not crying.

Yes.

Chief, why don't you take off for a few days until Keiko gets back?

I think we can manage without you for that long.

That won't be necessary, sir.

I have the situation well in hand.

What I'm trying to say is that keeping Kirayoshi in the pit is not an acceptable solution.

Find another one.

Yes, sir.

Sir?

Yes, Chief?

Could we wait till he wakes up before we move him?

He only just dropped off.

Very well.

And then I want him out of there.

Yes, sir.

Don't you people have work to do?

What the hell are you doing in here?

I want you to have this.

You broke into my quarters to give me a tongo wheel?

Get out before I call security.

I'm going.

And take that thing with you.

I can't.

It's a gift.

Think you can buy back my friendship?

It's not a bribe.

Chances are, I won't be needing it anymore.

Good-bye, Dax.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Don't you want to know where it is I'm going?

Not really.

What if I said it was dangerous?

Figures.

Doesn't matter.

Where I'm going, you can't follow.

What I have to do

I have to do alone.

One man who's had enough who's going to stand up and say...

Good-bye, Quark.

Nervous?

The worst Hagath can do is kill you.

What's one life compared to the lives of 28 million people?

What do you mean, you can't get your hands on the mutagenic retrovirus?

Our supplier sold all he had to the Minnobia for their war against the Vek.

This isn't good.

I've just been telling the Regent that his shipment will be delivered within a week.

He is leaving right now.

He is not going to be happy, Quark!

I know.

He'll be stuck with 28 million people and no way to kill them.

I'm glad you're amused, Quark.

Lucky for us

I can get hold of some Varaxian LM-7.

Never heard of it.

It's a new biogenic weapon still in the experimental stage.

Is it effective?

They'll be dropping like flies.

Only trouble is...

I don't know how much of it I can get.

Do you think the Regent would be satisfied with only 17 million people killed?

Well, 17 million, um... it's better than nothing.

QUARK: Then what you have to do is tell him there's been a change of plans.

Tell him we have something new to show him.

Might take a little longer to get the results he wants but we'll give him a 20 percent discount.

In the meantime

I'll have a sample of Varaxian LM-7 sent here and we'll arrange for a small demonstration.

We'll find a planet with some low-level life-forms on it nobody will miss.

I'll speak to the Regent, try to keep him from leaving.

You make sure you get this sample here as soon as possible.

Don't fail me, Quark.

Believe me, I want this deal to go through more than anybody.

I'm finally out of debt.

These are the first profits I get to keep.

Get going.

( sighs )

Don't look so unhappy.

The dabo tables will still be there when you get back.

But I was winning!

What could be more important than that?

I told you there's somebody I want you to meet.

Gaila meet General Nassuc, head of the Palamarian

Freedom Brigade.

Pleased to meet you.

( whispering ): We need to talk.

Will you excuse us for just a moment?

What is that female doing on the station?

I invited her.

Are you crazy?

She's the Regent's mortal enemy.

Does he know she's here?

Does Hagath?

Of course not.

You are scaring me, Cousin.

Relax.

I know selling weapons to opposing sides is dangerous but as you said yourself, "The riskier the road..."

Don't quote the Rules of Acquisition to me!

If Hagath finds out we're doing this behind his back we'll wind up as dead as Farrakk!

Only if we fail, and we're not going to fail.

We're going to sell Varaxian LM-7 to both the Regent and the General.

Is she interested?

Oh, she jumped at the chance.

She's as crazy as the Regent.

Both sides will poison each other we'll double our profits and Hagath... will be very happy.

But what if they see one another?

Realize what we're doing?

It's a busy station.

We'll keep them far apart.

Just think of all that latinum.

What do you want me to do?

Keep the General occupied for 20 minutes.

Then take her to Cargo Bay 5.

I'll meet you there.

Open it!

You heard him.

That's odd.

REGENT: What's wrong?

Nothing.

Right, Quark?

The code sequencer isn't working.

Then fix it.

Right away.

I just need to get a descrambler.

And then, while I'm at it

I'll get a bottle of champagne-- to celebrate.

Forget about the champagne.

Just get here as quickly as possible.

Whatever you say.

He'll be back shortly.

Quark, where are you going?

Um, I'll be right back.

I just have to get a descrambler.

After you.

REGENT: Hagath! What's she doing here?

( yelling and weapons fire )

ODO: Attention, all personnel.

There are reports of phaser fire in Cargo Bay 5!

Seal the area!

MAN: You're with me! Double-time!

( sighs )

Good afternoon, Commander.

Chief, my schedule shows you were supposed to begin modifying the deflector array aboard the Defiant today.

I'm sorry, sir.

The Captain thought

I could use a few days' leave so I decided to take him up on it.

To care for your son.

Looking after a baby can be a full-time job.

Here, do me a favor.

Just hold him for a minute.

I, uh, have to get his bottle.

Now, he-he may cry for a bit, but it's okay.

There's nothing wrong with him.

But, Chief, I-I need to...

Just be a minute.

( Yoshi gurgling )

( gurgling )

What is the matter?

The baby.

He's not crying.

He's not crying.

Here.

Shh.

( sighs )

I never saw my son when he was this age.

It is something I will always regret.

You are a fortunate man, Chief.

( snoring softly )

Chief?

You're facing some serious charges here, Quark-- incitement to riot endangering the public safety disregard...

How was I supposed to know everyone was going to start shooting?

I just wanted them to cross paths so that the deal would fall through.

It fell through, all right.

Hagath and Gaila barely managed to get off the station alive.

I hear General Nassuc sent a purification squad after them.

I wouldn't count on seeing your former business partners again.

I can live with that.

What about the Regent's death?

The Regent's dead?

A purification squad caught up with him this morning.

I can live with that, too.

And I can think of 28 million other people who won't mind, either.

28 million and one.

So... about those charges.

Surely we can come up with some sort of accommodation.

That depends.

On what?

This is what it's going to cost to repair the cargo bay.

That much?

That much.

Well... maybe we could come up with some sort of installment plan?

Works for me.

Retreat.

Acquire.

Confront.

Evade.

( laughing )

The risk is at ten with a purchase of seven and a sale of 14.

Ah, nice move.

But then you always had a knack for getting out of tight spots.

It's a gift.

Mm-hmm.

Now, about my tongo wheel...

It's not your tongo wheel.

You gave it to me, remember?

I know that I gave it to you, but at the time, I...

I'm not giving it back... and that's final.

Confront.

Retreat.