Home > Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Take Me Out to the Holo-Suite

Kira to Sisko. Go ahead, Colonel.

Captain Solok of the Starship T'Kumbra is here to see you.

Send him in.

Welcome to Deep Space 9, Captain.

Your welcome is acknowledged.

Have a seat.

It's been a long time.

Ten years, two months, five days.

You mean you don't know it to the minute?

Of course I do, but humans are often irked by such precision.

Especially the more emotional humans.

Our repair list.

I understand you were recently honored with the Christopher Pike Medal for Valor.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And congratulations to you.

I heard you received your medal last month.

My second, actually.

The T'Kumbra has been in combat for over six months.

Spending time behind the lines will be a welcome change.

This isn't exactly a safe harbor.

We have seen our share of action.

Of course you have.

We can upgrade your inertial dampers by the end of the day, but to begin to overhaul your warp core will take at least a week.

Oh, that is most inefficient.

War is an inefficient business.

A somewhat unprofessional attitude.

However, I've come to expect a lack of professionalism and efficiency on starbases run by human officers.

You're welcome to take your ship to a Vulcan station.

I think there's one about 50 light-years away.

But if you're planning to stay here with us... behind the lines, then my Chief of Operations will see to your requests.

Very well.

There is another matter not listed on the formal report.

I need use of a holosuite.

The T'Kumbra holodecks are currently under repair.

To arrange holosuite time, you have to go through Quark.

He owns the only ones on the station.

Then I will speak to Quark.

I have created a special program for my senior staff, and they are quite eager to resume using it.

Really? Yes.

In fact, you may find the program of some interest.

It is based on an Earth game.

And what game would that be?

Colonel, assemble the senior staff in the Wardroom now.

( sighs )

As you probably know, the Starship T'Kumbra is docked at our station. What you may not know is that their Captain considers his crew-- an all Vulcan crew, by the way-- to be the finest in the fleet.

I happen to think that the people sitting at this table comprise the finest crew in the Quadrant.

You're not going to get much of an argument from this group.

I didn't think so. Which is why when their Captain challenged us to a contest of courage, teamwork and sacrifice,

I accepted on your behalf.

We will destroy them.

I was hoping for that reaction.

So when is this clash of the titans?

Two weeks in Holosuite 5.

What's the contest?

Baseball.

"Chapter 25: The infield fly rule

"is invoked in instances where

"with both first base and second base occupied

"or with first, second and third base occupied--

What if there is a runner at home?

There's never a runner at home.

Okay, uh... "and fewer than two outs the batter hits a high fly..."

"Fly: The term for a batted ball while it is in the air."

Oh, right. Uh, uh, "fewer than two outs the batter hits a high fly...

"which in the judgment of the umpire

"can readily be caught by an infielder

"or the pitcher or catcher inside fair ground.

"The batter is then called out regardless of whether the ball is subsequently caught or not."

That seems simple enough.

"An attempt to bunt,

"however, under the conditions noted above,

"which results in a fair fly, shall not be regarded an infield fly."

What's a bunt?

A bunt: A ball that has been deliberately tapped into the area between the pitcher and the catcher by the batter in order to force the fielding side to throw out the batter and allow a runner to advance.

Right. Chief, what's a grand slam?

Uh... a home run that's hit when the bases are crowded.

Right, except it's "bases loaded."

Now... what's a "Fancy Dan"?

You're making that up. I most certainly am not.

Hi. Jake told us about the game against the Vulcans.

It sounds really exciting. You should come watch.

"Fancy Dan: a fielder who puts an extra flourish

"on his movements while making a play in hopes of gaining the approval of the spectators."

Actually, we were thinking of doing more than watching.

If we can.

That is, if there's still room for other potential players to possibly try and--

We want to try out.

Nog always talks about how Captain Sisko and Jake play baseball and how it brings them closer together.

Since Nog and I haven't seen much of each other lately,

I thought this might be a good way of spending some time together.

And I decided to make it a complete family outing.

That is so sweet. Isn't it?

QUARK: Idiotic is what it is.

You're going to make a fool out of yourself.

I will not.

You can barely spin a dabo wheel, much less kick a ball around a field.

Shows how much you know.

You don't kick the ball... do you?

You won't make the team.

At least we're trying out. What about you?

I don't have the slightest interest in this hu-man game.

You know why? Jake says it's a game that takes heart, and you sold yours a long time ago.

Come on, Rom.

What time are tryouts?

1300, Holosuite 4.

SISKO: Hey, hey!

All right!

Ha, ha, whoo!

Yes!

First day of practice, and it's an exciting time! Am I right?

ALL: Oh, yeah.

Yeah! There we go. There we go. That's the spirit!

Now, first let me introduce you to our pitcher and our secret weapon, Jake "The Slider" Sisko!

Good luck, Jake. The Slider.

Now, all the other positions are still open for tryouts.

Now, every one of you here today has seen at least one baseball game with me in the holosuite.

Now, I know it looks simple-- you throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball--

but it is not that easy.

It's a difficult game.

It was a difficult game to play even for seasoned professionals who spent their lifetime practicing.

And now we have less than two weeks to build a team and to face the opponent.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking.

"How are we going to beat the Logicians?

"They're all Vulcans. They're stronger and faster than any one of us..." Except for Worf.

And our genetically enhanced doctor.

But there is more to baseball than physical strength.

It's, uh... it's about courage... and it's also about faith, and it is also about heart.

And if there's one thing our Vulcan friends lack, it's heart.

I think we can beat them.

I know we can beat them. Yep.

We are going to beat them!

Am I right? ALL: Yeah!

I can't hear you.

ALL: Yes, sir!

Are we going to beat the Vulcans? I can't hear you!

ALL: Yes, sir!

All right, then. Let's play some baseball!

First, I want you to pair off.

Spread yourselves about ten meters apart and, uh, play some catch.

Have fun.

Yeah. Just a little, uh, throw and catch.

Nice and easy.

( grunts )

EZRI: You almost had it.

WORF: I said, throw it here.

BASHIR: Don't throw it to her.

You've got to throw it to someone who's looking at you.

Oh, come on, Quark.

This is going to be two long, hard weeks.

Jake, I don't care how hard and long these two weeks are, but I'm not going to lose to Solok in a baseball game.

We are going to win.

Umpire?

That's right. Will you do it?

Well, wouldn't a holographic umpire be more accurate?

I don't want a computer program calling a baseball game.

That's something Solok would do.

I want a real person behind the plate, not just some collection of photons and magnetic fields.

I-I-I also want a person who can be completely impartial, and I can't think of anyone I trust more.

Well, that's, uh... that's very flattering.

Oh, it's the truth. Will you do it?

( sighs )

All right. Outstanding.

Here are the rules. Uh, if you have any questions,

I'll be with the team in the Infirmary. The Infirmary?

Ah, we had a few problems at practice today.

Remember, the game is in less than two weeks.

So you better start to, uh, work on your moves.

My moves?

I can't believe this. I used to be an athlete.

At least, I remember being an athlete.

My third host, Emony, was an Olympic gymnast.

I keep expecting my legs to react like hers did, but I fell all over myself.

It's like I don't know my own body anymore.

QUARK: I don't know what you're complaining about.

At least you didn't require major surgery.

Knitting together a couple of bones is not major surgery, Quark.

It is if the bones are in the back of your skull.

I hope you learned your lesson.

Always look behind you before swinging a bat.

SISKO: So, how are my casualties doing?

We'll live. If you believe Julian.

Personally, I'm not sure I'm going to make it.

That's the spirit, old man.

Don't lose your sense of humor.

Hey, Chief, how's the shoulder?

He's out, I'm afraid. His rotator cuff was badly torn.

Can't you repair the damage? I need him on third,

and he's anchoring the second half of the lineup.

I've repaired the rotator cuff, but the ligaments need time to knit together with the clavicular joint.

I can't let him play baseball.

Damn! O'BRIEN: I'm sorry, sir.

I was really looking forward to the game.

Well, there's an old saying--

"those who can't... coach."

As for now, you are batting, pitching and first base coach.

Oh, great.

Which one is first base?

We'll go over that again later.

All right. Practice tomorrow morning at 0730. Don't be late.

We'll be there. Well, if you'll excuse me,

I still have to realign Worf's zygomatic bone.

Ow.

Tell him I'm sorry.

Ah, we can move Ezri over to third.

No, no, no, I need her in center.

Ooh! I know who we can get.

I'll have to pull some strings, but I think I can do it.

Who?

Welcome home.

Oh, music to my ears.

Mmm. Does this mean you missed me?

Like a piece of my heart was missing.

Oh, sweet words. And flowers, too?

Are you feeling all right?

Now that you're back, I feel outstanding.

Oh, I could get used to this.

And well you should-- are you going to be here long?

Um, as a matter of fact, my next three cargo runs have been reassigned.

Really? Oh, bureaucrats-- who knows why they do anything?

Who knows?

So... what are we going to do with all my time off?

I have a few ideas.

I bet you do.

So tell me, how's your throwing arm holding up?

There you go, Kas! That's what I'm talking about.

All right. Head's up, people.

There's a runner on first, one away.

I got it!

I got it! I got it!

Oh!

How many is that?

Today?

I think he's missed ten.

( grunting )

Damn.

All right. Batting practice.

What's he doing here?

He's scouting us.

If he is taking the time to conduct reconnaissance, he must be worried.

He should be. Next week on this field, that man is going to get a painful lesson in humility.

Batter up.

Today, I'm going to hit the ball.

You just watch.

Oh!

All right, Rom, remember what we talked about.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Follow the ball from the pitcher's hands all the way to the bat.

Oh!

Sorry.

You can do it.

Hang in there, Rom.

All right, Rom.

Oh-oh.

Sorry.

That's it. You're done.

I'll do better tomorrow, Captain.

No, you won't. You are finished. Gone. Off the team.

Sir, can't you give him another chance--

Is anyone talking to you, Ensign?

I can't play?

That's the smartest thing you said all week.

You can't play. Now, get your gear.

Get out of here. Worf, you're up.

Captain Sisko hates me.

He doesn't hate you, Rom.

Sisko was just blowing off steam.

He'll get over it. That's right.

I'll go talk with him in the morning. Maybe he'll change his--

No! I don't want him to kick you off the team, too.

I don't care about the team.

If you can't play, I won't, either.

Oh, that goes for me, too. And me.

O'BRIEN: And us.

Benjamin was way out of line today, Rom.

Yeah. This game is supposed to be fun, not a life-and- death struggle.

So we've decided to quit unless he reinstates you immediately.

No! Please! Rom, we're on your side.

I don't want to make the team like this.

I had my chance, but I wasn't good enough.

Let's face it-- the Captain's right.

I'm hopeless. I don't deserve to be on the team.

You play. You've earned it.

Playing baseball doesn't mean anything to me.

But it should. You're good at it.

So are you, and I want to see you play.

I want to see all of you play.

I want to see our team beat the Vulcans, even if I'm only watching from the... the, uh...

The stands. Right.

Please?

If, uh... that's the way you feel about it.

Rom, there are moments when I know exactly why I married you.

What are you eating? I'm not eating. I'm chewing.

Chewing what?

Gum. It's traditional.

I had the replicator create me some.

They just chewed it?

No, they infused the gum with flavor.

What did you infuse it with?

Scotch.

Here. Try some.

Hmm.

( chuckles )

All right. You got a runner on first.

You got a runner on second. One away.

Ground ball to the second baseman. Kira, what do you do?

I go for the double play, unless the runner on third is already on his way home, in which case--

KASIDY: Okay, relax, and keep your weight on the balls of your feet.

Back elbow up.

Yeah. Good.

Yeah.

Faster. Come on, come on.

Faster. Come on, come on...

Come on! Come on!

Faster! Ooh, yeah! Good!

I got it! Mine!

I got it!

Well, don't look at me!

You called it! I was out of position!

That was yours all the way!

( groaning ) Oh, come on, Julian.

( tricorder beeping )

Safe!

Safe!

Safe!

You're out!

You're out!

Oh, that's quite a knot.

( grunting and groaning )

Your back is like a minefield of bruised muscles.

You tell me something I don't know. Ow!

Okay.

You're lifting your foot up at the plate.

What?

Okay. Take a swing.

( sighs )

Wait. Stop. Right there. Look.

You're lifting your foot in the backswing.

It's been messing up your whole rhythm.

Not that bad.

I know that look.

It's the I'd-really- like-to-smash-something- but-she'll-think- I'm-crazy look.

Well, don't let me stop you. They're your quarters.

Smash away, if it'll make you feel better.

The only way I'll feel better is to beat Solok tomorrow.

So, do I get to hear the Solok story now?

And before you say no, you'd better consider the fact that if you don't tell me, you won't have a third baseman.

( sighs )

We were in the same class at the Academy, you know.

One weekend I was with some friends at an off-campus bar-- the Launching Pad-- and Solok came in with some Vulcan Cadets who said they were doing research on illogical human bonding rituals.

We didn't take kindly to that.

And you'd... had a few drinks.

Yeah... one or two.

Well, we got into a debate, and Solok said that Vulcans were naturally superior to humans and other "emotionally handicapped" species.

Of course, I took the opposite position.

So... there I am... drunk... and debating logic versus emotion with a smug... and very sober Vulcan.

Well, to make a long story short, I decided that the best way to prove that humans were every bit the equal of Vulcans was to challenge him to a wrestling match.

Wrestling? All I wanted to do was to wipe that arrogant look off his face, so in the heat of the moment... I challenged him.

And?

I, uh... ended up in the Infirmary... with a separated shoulder, two cracked ribs and a very bruised ego.

( laughing ): Oh, Ben...

I don't... no, I don't mean to laugh, but... what did you expect?

A Vulcan has three times the strength of a human.

( whistles ) And they're faster, too.

But you're right. I got what I deserved.

And if it had ended right there, it would've been fine, but it didn't.

Solok took every opportunity to remind me of our match.

He used to point me out whenever I walked across the campus.

In fact, he wrote five psychology papers about our match.

I became the living embodiment of why Vulcans were inherently superior to humans.

You don't mean he was gloating? A Vulcan?

That's exactly what I mean.

He may have hidden it beneath that Vulcan calm, but... he loved every minute of it.

And you'd think that once we graduated it would've stopped, but it didn't.

Over the years, Solok wrote over a dozen papers on Vulcan/human comparative profiles... and in the beginning of every paper... is an analysis of that... damned wrestling match.

And now he comes to your station and announces that he's put together a baseball team.

He doesn't care about baseball.

All he wants to do is to rub my nose in it one more time, but now he is using my game. My game!

You should tell that to the Niners.

They don't understand why you're so caught up in this.

Oh, no, I'd rather they think

I'm just caught up in some baseball game than pursuing... an adolescent rivalry.

Just tell them the truth. They'll understand.

They need to know how personal this is to you.

Oh, no.

( exasperated sigh )

No.

I mean it.

And you can't tell them, either.

I want you to promise me.

All right. I promise.

He made me promise not to tell you, so you'll have to keep this under your hats.

Curzon and Jadzia always wondered why Benjamin hated Solok, but he'd never talk about it.

Well, he's embarrassed.

He's calling it an "adolescent rivalry" but Solok's the one that's kept this thing going.

And now he's trying to beat the Captain at his own game.

It is a dishonorable motive.

I'm beginning to hate him myself.

So, what are we going to do about it?

I tell you what we do. We go out there tomorrow and we put that Vulcan in his place.

We win it for the Captain.

And for all our "emotionally handicapped" races.

Now, there's something worth fighting for, right?

Niners!

ALL: Niners!

( laughter and hooting )

( anthem playing )

( applause )

( cheers and whistles )

O'BRIEN: Okay, laddies, let's go.

Let's go. Come on. Let's show these guys.

Look, let's, uh, dispense with the crowd.

My team has never played in front of people before.

If you wish.

Computer, eliminate the spectators.

Play ball!

Batter up!

All right, Niners, Let's hear some chatter.

Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter!

Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter!

Death to the opposition.

SISKO: Hey, batter, swing, batter.

Strike him out!

Lucky swing. All right.

Hey, don't worry.

You'll get the next one, okay?

Okay?

Okay.

All right.

( laughs )

All right.

You're making mental errors out there. Stupid mistakes.

You have to start thinking about what you're doing.

Colonel, you have to charge the ball.

Don't wait for it to come to you.

Ezri, you're playing too deep!

They rattled you. Yeah. They're pretty good.

What are you talking about, they're pretty good?

You better stop admiring them and start striking them out!

ODO: Batter up!

Let's play ball.

Strike three.

Strike three.

Strike three.

( sighs )

Let's go!

( grunting ) Out!

You want to try that again?

Hey, hey! Colonel, stay cool.

Don't do anything to get yourself thrown out.

Wouldn't dream of it, Captain.

You're out, by the way.

Play ball!

Was that slide at second legal?

'Fraid so.

Doesn't seem very sporting.

These guys are playing to win.

Sporting doesn't enter into it.

( Niners cheering )

( Niners shout encouragement)

Safe!

( cheering and whooping )

It's about time.

( grunts ) Strike one.

SISKO: If it's not there, let it go. All right! Don't reach for it.

Ball one.

Hey, now! Good eye, Worf! Good eye!

Ball two.

SISKO: Remember what we talked about. Keep your eye on the ball.

Foul ball. Strike two.

Big stick! Good eye, Worf. Good eye.

Ball three.

Time.

Time!

Let's go, batter.

Do not rush me.

Strike three!

What?! What are you talking about?

That ball was at least a half a meter out!

How can you call it a strike?

Reverse the call! Reverse the call!

That was low and outside. The ball was clearly outside.

Oh, what the hell were you looking at?

You can't tell me that ball was over the plate.

What were you doing, regenerating?

Caught the outside corner.

Outside corner?! That was a ball and you know it!

We should have two men on!

Two men on! Two men on!

Gentlemen, you are trying my patience.

( both yelling angrily )

You stole a run from us.

You stole it just as if you reached up and tore it off the scoreboard! You stole it from us!

You... you're outta here! What?!

"No player shall at any time make contact with the umpire in any manner."

The prescribed penalty for the violation is immediate ejection from the game.

Rule number 4.06, subsection "A", paragraph four.

Look it up, but do it in the stands.

You're gone!

It was a ball. That was no strike.

I know it was a ball.

Chief? What?

I think that means you're in charge now.

You're right.

Well, what are you standing around for?

You never seen a man thrown out of the game?

Come on. Get your gloves on and get in that field!

Let's go! Come on!

Quark! Wake up!

You're in right.

Julian, you're on second.

Leeta, you're in left.

Come on. Let's go. We got a game to play.

Come on! Move it!

ODO: Play ball.

ODO: Ball one.

Strike one!

( Niners yelling )

O'BRIEN: Back, Ezri, back! Go, go, go!

All right!

( Niners cheering )

Y-y-y-y-yes!

Now that is a Fancy Dan.

All right!

ODO: Batter up!

KIRA: Home! Worf! Bring it home!

( grunt of frustration )

What's wrong?

He didn't touch home, Nog.

Is that true?

( clears throat )

W-what do I do?!

Find him and kill him!

Just tag him out.

Jake, cover home.

Which one?

Tag them all.

Come on, Nog, hurry up.

No. Tag the next one.

Jake!

He's out! You're out!

( laughing ) Yeah, Nog, well done!

Yeah! Yeah!

( laughing ): He's out.

( laughing ) Did you see that?

That's what I love about this game.

You never know what's going to happen next.

Every situation is different, huh?

It looks like a lot of fun.

Rom... come here.

Let's go.

Where are we going?

( Niners cheering )

Safe!

Do it, come on! Come on!

Hey, come on, Jake! You can do it!

SISKO: Chief! Chief! Chief!

Call time out. Why?

You're making a substitution.

What?

Time!

Time!

You're up, Rom.

Oh, you've got to be kidding.

We got man on third. We could score.

Sit down, Quark.

Go ahead, Rom.

You can do it.

All right, Dad!

Come on, you can do it!

VULCAN: Okay, go. Let's play ball!

Computer...

Come on, Rom. Go, Rom.

P.A.: Your attention, please.

Now pinch-hitting for Jake Sisko, number 13: Rom.

( crowd cheering )

NOG: Come on, Dad!

You can do it.

( quietly ): I hope.

Strike one.

Come on, Dad.

Come on, Rom. You can do it. Come on, Rom.

Strike two!

It's okay, Rom.

Julian.

What was that thing called... you know, when you just tap the ball down the baseline?

Uh, bunt?

That's it-- a bunt.

We've got to give him the sign.

Rom!

What?

What?

Go...!

ALL: Rom... run...!

Keep going, Rom!

Safe! ( all cheering )

All right, Rom!

All right, Rom!

( all chanting ): Rom! Rom! Rom!

Umpire, this is completely improper.

The game is not over.

You're gone!

That was great, Dad! A great bunt!

Hey, Jake, that was a hell of a game.

A hell of a game.

I gave up ten runs. They're Vulcans.

If they were humans, you'd have held them to just two or three.

Well, when you put it that way...

Yes.

Now, pardon me.

I owe you an apology.

No. Unless you really want to.

I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

If you have some time, one day, maybe you can teach me how to bunt.

Sure.

What's a bunt?

Oh.

That's my dad.

I fail to see why you are celebrating.

The Ferengi's bunt was an accident and you still lost the game.

You are absolutely right, and I couldn't be happier.

Quark, a round of drinks for the house on my tab.

I'm way ahead of you, Captain.

You are attempting to manufacture a triumph where none exists.

I'd say he succeeded.

To manufactured triumph.

Manufactured triumph. Hear, hear!

ALL: Hear, hear!

This is a typical human reaction based on emotionalism and illogic.

( theatrical gasp )

Did I hear irritation in that voice?

Certainly not.

That sounded positively defensive to me.

With a hint of anger.

And just a touch of jealousy.

And a lot of bitterness.

Are you always this emotional?

I refuse to engage in this...

human game of taunting.

Human? Did I forget to wear my spots today?

All that intelligence, and he doesn't know what a human looks like.

( all laughing )

KIRA: Captain... here's something else for your desk.

Well... will you look at that?

Would you like to sign it?

( all laughing )

No.

( all laughing louder )

Oh, my.

Yes.