Home > The Good Place

Leap to Faith

Hello, Michael. Shut the door. Have a seat.

When you proposed this new form of torture, we all laughed behind your back.

Some people called you names, like the Thomas Edison of incompetence or "that dick."

[chuckles]

But it seems you've pulled it off.

-What you've done here is amazing. -Really?

Yes. These reports are remarkable.

Your humans are experiencing emotional torture at the same level of physical torture created by our squiggliest eyeball corkscrews.

I'm jubilant.

As a result of our success, I'm getting a seat on the High Council.

We will expand our neighborhood idea and you will oversee the project.

You are being promoted.

Your senior staff pin.

Congratulations. This is everything you've ever wanted.

This is everything I've ever wanted.

Oh! [chuckles]

This is everything I've ever wanted!

Oh, wow!

You're really happy?

Can't you tell?

I'm basically squealing like a birthday girl.

[theme music playing]

{\an8}At some point, we should discuss yesterday's events.

{\an8}Do you mean us almost getting married

{\an8}and then finding out I was married to Janet?

{\an8}Then Janet making a boyfriend to forget me

{\an8}and then Janet getting rid of that boyfriend?

{\an8}Or do you mean when we saw that cool cloud?

{\an8}The first bit.

{\an8}Perhaps after Michael briefs us

{\an8}on how we're going to be fake-tortured today,

{\an8}we can sit down and chat?

{\an8}Yes. Good idea.

{\an8}-Yo, Chidi? -Yeah?

{\an8}Wanna hear about a cool cloud I saw?

{\an8}Come in.

{\an8}I'd like to start by saying something I wanted to say for a very long time.

{\an8}Surprise, idiots!

{\an8}You're all in the Bad Place.

{\an8}[Michael and Shawn laughing]

{\an8}That's right, nerds.

{\an8}Everything around you, all you can see, is an elaborate system of torture

{\an8}designed just for you.

Sorry, we're in the Bad Place?

Why are you revealing this now?

It was an experiment and it worked.

So, my boss is promoting me.

Sorry, I should've introduced you. This is my boss, Shawn.

Hello, imbeciles.

We need to study everything that happened here.

There was a first version that collapsed, but the second has been a huge success.

We'll shut this place down.

The four of you will be brought to the real Bad Place, where your brains will be removed, studied, then batted about a stadium like beach balls.

Your arms will be peeled like bananas. That part's just for fun.

[chuckles] Right.

And then you will be, you know, tortured forever.

Michael, is this all true?

Yes, Eleanor, it is.

You're such a rube, thinking you could become a better person.

You got Chidi to teach you stupid philosophy?

Like those old farts were gonna provide guidance.

"Oh, Kierkegaard is so great. Have you read Fear and Trembling?"

Well, I don't know. Have you read Boring and Stupid?

Because that's what you are.

-Nice. -Thank you.

How long will it take you to shut down the neighborhood?

[Michael] Better part of a day.

In the meantime, why don't we have a farewell party tonight?

To thank the crew for all the hard work?

We could jam to some tunes.

Destroy the place, play beer pong with Jason's testicles.

What do you say, boss?

Sure. By the way, I know what you're thinking.

-"Maybe Janet can help." -Ah.

You're wrong. Janet?

[gasps] Oh, hi, little cuties.

[chuckles] I love you guys so much.

Except for you, Jason, because I hate you. [chuckles] I hate you.

Janet? What's wrong?

Oh, where's my phone?

We put a Restraining Bracelet on her, disrupting her powers.

It's made of mag-a-nets. Mag-nets. Mag-a-nittens...

Magnets are supposed to make me feel drunk.

But guess what? I feel fine.

[chuckling]

I can't believe Michael betrayed us again. Why is it always the ones you most expect?

I should've seen this coming. No one can truly turn over a new leaf.

Ben Affleck told me he'd matured after he directed Argo.

But then, right on schedule, it was, "Guess what, Tahani? I'm gonna be Batman!"

There's only one option. Shawn clearly doesn't know

Michael has rebooted this neighborhood 800 times.

I say we trade that information for some kind of reduced sentence.

[Tahani] Chidi, they're monsters.

Who's to say they won't agree to a deal and then turn around and install us into their horrible human zoo?

[Chidi] There's no other option.

There's no way for a human to get that bracelet off Janet.

If there were, we could get her to call us a train to Mindy St. Claire's house.

We know for a fact the people from the Bad Place can't follow us there and I vote for that.

I vote we...

No, sorry. And no offense, Jason, but the stakes here are too high to let someone with your limited intellectual processing capacity weigh in.

I was gonna agree with you.

Oh, great. That's two votes for my plan.

All right. Eleanor, what do you think?

Trade information on Michael or try to escape to the Medium Place?

Neither. I vote we ignore everything Michael just said and assume he's still on our side.

Who's with me?

Sorry, but when all this started, you said Michael wasn't trustworthy.

Now you want us to trust him?

Yes. For one very specific and rock-solid reason.

What's-his-name.

Who?

The dude! The super depressing religious guy, the real buzzkill whose name I can never remember.

Keeblers... Car. Kyra. Sedgwick?

Oh, I love her. Dear friend of mine.

Not important right now.

Kierkegaard?

Yes! Kierkegaard!

When Michael was mocking us, whose name did he use? Kierkegaard.

He was sending us a message. To take a leap of faith.

'Cause that was Kierkegaard's thing, right?

Yes, but it's probably better translated as

"a leap into faith."

-It's so hard to be your friend. -Yeah. Sorry.

Michael wants us to trust him.

I spoke to him the other night about the whole Derek incident. Dude was shook.

Talking about ethics and all spiraling about human stuff.

I think he's on our side.

Or he's a supernatural demon designed to torture people, who got offered his dream job and has flipped on us like a ten-stone griddle-chip.

It's a large pancake.

[snapping fingers] Come on, you can get these from context.

Maybe Michael jumped back to the dark side, but I don't think so.

I think he's gonna help us escape.

I know it sounds crazy.

But if it weren't crazy, they wouldn't call it "a leap of faith."

They would call it "a sit of doubting."

I never thought I'd be the one to say it, but this is getting out of hand.

-We gotta go to the cops. -What cops? Where do you think we are?

Before tonight's party,

I'd love to talk more about your strategy for torturing Tahani.

I'm impressed you made her fall in love with Jason.

She must be miserable.

Yeah. Humans make a lot of mistakes when they're horny.

Ah, boss, give me a second here.

-What the here? -Vicky...

My hard work paid off for you and you're taking the credit.

Vicky, this can work out great for both of us, if we play our cards right.

Shawn thinks that this is attempt number two, right?

If I tell him you've been in charge of this version, he'll find out there have been hundreds of failed versions.

Oh, right.

And if that happens, we're all going down.

-So, spread the word. -[sighs]

No one talks about the reboots.

Fine. You better make this right.

Mama want promotion. Ya heard?

[indistinct chatter]

[inaudible]

-Hello, you dummies! -[all laughing]

This neighborhood was a labor of hate for many people here.

So I thought that we should celebrate with an art form that we literally invented here in the Bad Place.

The comedy roast.

[all cheering]

[Michael] I see Jason Mendoza's here.

Jason might not be the smartest guy in the world, but he is the dumbest guy in the world.

[audience laughing]

Oh, Jason, buddy. All you had to do was to keep quiet.

But you couldn't stop talking about Kendall Jenner or that dumb quarterback. What was his name? Derek Bortles?

Always ranting about Derek Bortles.

Lucky for you, my friend,

Jaguars games are the only ones televised in the Bad Place because they suck!

[laughing]

No, they don't! All we need is a defense and an offense and some rule changes.

Don't take it personally.

He has to put on a show for the other demons.

Tahani Al-Jamil. Elegance, grace, sophistication.

But enough about your sister!

[audience laughing]

You know what the worst moment of Tahani's life was?

When the last song played at one of her parties and she would run off and cry because she still hadn't won her parents' approval.

[laughing]

You know the other worst moment of Tahani's life?

Every other moment of her empty, pointless life!

-[Michael exclaims] -[audience laughing]

I see Eleanor Shellstrop is here. Eleanor and I have a lot in common.

Here's how you tell us apart.

One of us is a manipulative demon who's an expert at making other people miserable, and then the other one is me!

[laughing]

You thought you deserved a Medium Place like Mindy St. Claire?

Are you kidding me? You're bad, Eleanor.

This is exactly the place you should be.

Not super funny for a roast, there, bud.

Oh, you want a joke?

You love Chidi and Chidi doesn't love you back.

-Boom! -[audience laughing]

Now that's funny because it's very cruel and humiliating.

-You're one of my closest friends. -Not now.

[Michael] "Speaking of Chidi," is something no one has ever said because no one talks about Chidi, because no one likes Chidi, because he's so annoying about ethics.

Now, when you taught the trolley problem, did you secretly wish that it could be you who wound up under the trolley?

Because all your students did.

-Whoo-hoo! -[audience laughing]

Whoa, Chidi, sorry, I got a joke for you, bud. Uh, knock-knock.

Who's there?

You died alone because you couldn't commit to anyone.

[laughing]

"You died alone because you couldn't commit to anyone," who?

-No. -Jason Mendoza!

[laughing]

Okay, that's all my time. Let's tear this mother to the ground!

[all cheering]

So, maybe I was wrong and Michael isn't on our side.

What up, fart sticks?

That was "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd.

Coming up next, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

-Idiots. -[blows horn]

-We're going streaking! [screams] -[cheering]

Ugh. The one time I think someone isn't lying to me, it bites me in the ash.

I guess Michael really did flip back to the bad side.

Oh, does one think?

That roast was the meanest thing I've ever seen and I saw a waiter bring Russell Crowe the wrong tea.

Well, we have no choice. We go to Shawn and we say we'll trade secret information about the reboots if he'll go easy on us.

-[sighs] -And if that doesn't work, we try to free Janet and go to Mindy's. Agreed?

Yeah. Michael sucks now.

He pretended to be our friend, he's gonna torture us for eternity and you know what the worst part is?

He's forgotten my favorite football player's name.

-Definitely not the worst part. -It is to me!

Blake Bortles is a cool name. Derek Bortles is a dumb name.

-[dragon growling] -[people screaming indistinctly]

[inaudible]

Hey, man. Have you told Shawn how hugely important I was yet?

I will get to it. Promise. Now you just relax, enjoy yourself.

Rip a cat in half. It's a party. Come on!

-Hey! -[exclaims]

What does Michael keep whispering to you?

Um, something, something, Vicky. Something, something.

-Uh, can I braid your hair? -No.

-Please. -No. I got it.

-Hey! -Ooh!

Help me get these bracelets off Good Janet.

No. Shawn put them on for a reason. I'm not overruling him.

-You're such a suck-up, Gayle. -[scoffs]

-Can I braid your hair? -No. I got it.

-Okay... [groans] -Ow! Get your own bracelets, Victoria.

Okay, you fat dinks, the sun is up, and we're about to close it down with one last song.

"She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd and "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" played at the same time.

Honestly, I'm still partial to the old-fashioned scorpion diapers, but you've done great work here.

Can't thank you enough for everything.

-Shawn, wait. -No--

I have some very interesting information, about who is really responsible for this neighborhood.

The humans are escaping.

It's Michael.

He's responsible for this neighborhood and everything that's happening right now.

Bye!

-[sighs] I-- -Bad Janet!

What's cracking, nutbutts?

Call us another train, immediately. Party's over.

[brakes screeching]

How did they get Janet's bracelets off?

It's impossible for a human to do.

It's like breathing underwater or driving without texting.

Shawn, I don't wanna make any accusations, but I accuse Vicky.

She asked me to help her take Janet's bracelets off.

Oh, Vicky, you didn't.

She definitely did. She's jealous.

She's been trying to sabotage me the entire time.

What? No. He's lying.

Okay, I did try to get the bracelets off, but I couldn't!

Listen to yourself. You sound crazy.

Normally, I would love hearing a man tell a woman she's crazy, but I can't.

You aided the humans to spite Michael.

You're no demon. You're a jerk.

Wait, this is a trick. Michael is the traitor.

I bet they're still here. This place stretches for a thousand miles.

Fine. Bad Janet?

What?

Scan the neighborhood, please.

No sign of humans, but I did find something for Vicky.

What?

[farts]

[both chuckle]

-Bad Janet, great stuff as always. -No, duh.

And as for you...

[Vicky] No, wait.

This is a PR disaster. We have to keep it under wraps.

Get her on the train.

And if anyone else says a word of what happened here to anyone, you will be in a cocoon, just like Vicky, and it is gooey in there.

How do we get the humans back from Mindy's?

They bought themselves some time, but we'll get them.

I'll start the extradition papers. You stay here.

I want every trace of this neighborhood erased.

[grunts] That was a bad idea!

That was so scary, so many different times.

I hated that.

You guys! I was so scared for you. [crying]

Told you he was on our side!

[crying] You're my friends and I wanted to save you.

[Eleanor] Hey, it's okay, bud.

This is the best summer ever, you guys.

[Janet and Michael crying]

Oh.

Oh, Michael, we never doubted you.

Thank you, Tahani. You're lying, right?

Yes. I doubted you very strongly.

But then I figured it out. Kierkegaard, baby! Leap of faith.

It's better translated as "a leap into faith."

You remembered.

-[Michael laughing] -Can somebody explain what happened?

And can you guys be a tiny bit quieter?

I've been drunk on magnets all day and I can literally hear every sound in the universe.

Basically, Michael sent us a code and we had to crack it.

-I figured out the first clue. -No. I did.

-I was there, though. -[Janet] Oh!

Blake Bortles is a cool name. Derek Bortles is a dumb name.

Yes.

Derek Bortles is indeed a very dumb name.

It's a clue. There's no way Michael would've forgotten that name.

You say it a million times a day.

-'Cause he's the best. -He's not. Even I know that.

Michael was telling us to use Derek, Janet's Derek, for something.

There were clues in the roast.

Everybody, quietly but quickly, head to the train station.

Let's split up so we don't draw attention.

Ugh. You guys are the worst conspirators.

What else did Michael say in the roasts that might be meaningful? Tahani, do you remember?

Well, he said my entire life was pointless and empty.

Yeah, but did he say anything we don't already know?

Anything that stood out?

You know what the worst moment of Tahani's life was?

When the last song played at one of her parties, and she would run off and cry because she still hadn't won her parents' approval.

That was odd.

A host never runs off during the last song.

Because after it's over, you're supposed to act surprised when everyone drags you onstage and showers you with applause.

Maybe Michael wanted us to wait until the end of the party when everyone is most distracted.

And use Derek to drive the train because he has some of Janet's powers. Janet?

Hi. Hey. Hey.

-[Eleanor] Janet? -Yep?

You need to get Derek from your void.

Okay. Shoot, where's my void, again? I forget.

Oh, yeah, it's everywhere. Okay, hang on to your butt cheeks.

-[beeps] -Ugh. Where is he?

-[objects clattering] -Ow. Owie. [groans]

I'm never gonna find... Oh, there he is.

-Derek. -Hmm.

Derek, we need you to drive this train and take us to Mindy St. Claire's house.

-Can you do that? -[scoffs] Derek.

[all chuckle]

Wait. Nobody get on that train.

-Derek? -Why not?

Because of what Michael said to me.

You thought you deserved a Medium Place?

You're bad, Eleanor. This is exactly the place you should be.

Derek.

Michael wants us to stay here, for some reason.

Eleanor, we have a train, a conductor and a safe destination.

I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Pippa Middleton right before we went paragliding in Gibraltar.

"Let's go." What? It's what I said.

Guys, leap of faith.

Michael said we shouldn't get on that train.

Any minute now, those demons are gonna come looking for us.

Where are we supposed to hide? Oh, no!

Now, when you taught the trolley problem, did you secretly wish that it could be you who wound up under the trolley?

Because all your students did.

-Uh-uh. -All aboard!

-[shushing] -The train is here! It's a train!

Get on board.

-Actually, Derek-- -Derek.

You're gonna wait until the last song of the night.

Derek.

And when you leave, you'll be flying solo.

Oh. Maximum Derek.

Derek headed off. And when the new train arrived, the four of us crawled underneath before any of the drunk demons saw us.

That kept us from being detected when Bad Janet scanned the neighborhood.

We fooled those mofos like the chumps they are.

We got all four clues you left us.

Oh, that's great. Actually, I left you more than 1,200 clues because of how primitive your brains are, but I'm glad you got enough to figure it out.

How did you escape detection though?

I'm not ethically proud of this, but I framed Vicky.

It was easy. I kept whispering things into Janet's ear to make her paranoid.

I'm sorry. What did you whisper to me? I don't remember.

[whispers] Something, something, Vicky. Something, something.

What does Michael keep whispering to you?

Something, something, Vicky. Something, something. [exclaims]

[Michael] And that made her try to take Janet's bracelets off, which framed her for the escape.

[all] Oh!

Guys, I want to apologize for roasting you earlier.

I had to sell it since everyone was watching.

It was funny, right?

{\an8}-Absolutely not. -The Tahani stuff was perfect. I mean, no.

{\an8}Guys, let's just take a moment here. [chuckles] They're gone.

{\an8}Which means that we won and might actually get a chance

{\an8}to go to the real Good Place.

{\an8}This is everything we ever wanted.

{\an8}Speaking of which, I really hope Mindy liked our present.

{\an8}[knocking at door]

{\an8}Who are you?

{\an8}Derek.

{\an8}"Thanks for helping us all those times we showed up.

{\an8}To repay you, here's a willing sex robot and two duffel bags full of cocaine."

There are wind chimes where my ding-dong should be.

[wind chimes tinkling]

-I can work with that. -All right.