Home > Halt and Catch Fire

Adventure

"Capsize" playing

- ♪ You move forward, I move backwards...♪ - ( alarm blaring )

♪ And together we make nothing at all ♪

♪ And everybody knows ♪

♪ How your garden's growing tonight ♪

♪ What's this tender fascination ♪

♪ And the boredom emulation of love? ♪

♪ Stories to take home ♪

♪ We had your garden grow up just right ♪

♪ You do it for me ♪

♪ You do it with quickness ♪

♪ A man of the hour ♪

♪ As God is my witness ♪

♪ Me and my song... ♪

Yeah, I need a taxi to take me to Eaton Microtech Labs.

Oh, I'm not from here.

Can you get the guy with the French name on that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. Concierge.

♪ You do it for money ♪

♪ A man of the hour ♪

♪ It aches in my belly ♪

♪ Me and my song ♪

♪ We'll do it alone... ♪

( gasps, groans )

( winces )

( winces )

( gasps )

( grunts )

It's alive, it's alive, it's alive.

I really appreciate you coming home this morning. Thank you.

I gotta shower and shave and get back to the office.

I just wanted to bring you this.

- You were quoted several times. - Oh, you mean...

( whispers ) "Susan Fairchild" was quoted?

- French toast. What's the occasion? - Dad's birthday.

I thought that's why you came home.

( whispers ) You got him a putter.

Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.

Happy birthday.

He loves the putter.

Did you thank him, sweetheart?

You should come to the club with me today. Play a quick nine?

Um, I gotta-- I got work I gotta do.

Good morning, girls.

Hey, no hello for Daddy, who you haven't seen in almost two days?

Both: Hi, Daddy.

Can we take this to school?

- Is it a calculator? - No, it's a TV.

Isn't that thing incredible?

Yeah, now they can watch TV all the time.

I just arranged an exclusive deal with Kazoku to carry them in our fall catalogue.

Mm.

( sighs ) Happy birthday to me, right?

- Whoo-hoo! - ( laughs )

Well, how will your computer compare to the IBM XT?

Ours has all the same features as the XT, plus-- plus a few bonus extras.

- Retailer: Like what? - John: Like what?

Like you can haul it down to the no-tell motel when you screw your secretary and you'd still get your memos typed up.

"Like what?"

You try that with an IBM PC, hell, you'd throw out your back.

Retailer #2: Now, what about speed?

That seems to be all our customers care about.

I heard you guys were flirting with the 286.

Yep.

Oh, I'm just a carpetbagger from New York.

They won't listen to me.

Gentlemen, I think-- I think all the specs are right there in those packets that we gave you.

Y'all can read, right?

Joe: First of all, to clarify,

- secretary isn't included at that price. - ( retailers laughing )

As for the specs, we were experimenting with the 286,

but in the end, it would only cost your customers an arm and a leg,

so we're going with an eight megahertz 8086.

That's almost twice as fast as any PC on the market,

plus we're including a floating-point math coprocessor that will run circles around any IBM PC.

Let's cut to the chase and get to the question you came here to have answered.

The question your CEO will ask you at your post-COMDEX powwow.

"What do we put on our third shelf?"

Not the first shelf-- that's reserved for IBM.

Not even the second shelf.

That's where your name brand computer goes.

The ones you have manufactured in Taiwan and slap your insignia on.

The third shelf.

The "kludge" shelf.

The shelf your stock boys detest... because the computers are so heavy... and the shelves are so low.

That's the shelf we're talking about.

That's the shelf us schmucks are aiming for, am I right?

Wrong.

This isn't an IBM compatible clone.

This is the new compatible.

IBM will have to clone us.

Tell that to your CEO and I promise you this time next year, you'll be sitting in his chair asking,

"What do we put on our third shelf?"

( overlapping questions )

( theme music playing )

( employees chattering )

Welcome back. How was your trip?

- Who are all these people? - New team of software engineers.

This is Steve, our software development manager.

Steve, this is Cameron.

I told them all about you.

You didn't tell me she was a girl.

I knew your keen analytical skills would sniff it out.

Hey--

Run those to Gordon.

Look, I can handle all the software myself.

I already mapped out the design on the plane.

Who told you to do that?

No one. I thought that--

Why? How do you think a project this big works?

Throwing as many people at the problem as Bosworth will approve.

Wait, did you send me to Cincinnati so that you could hire Steve and his little minions behind my back?

Don't be paranoid. I sent you to Cincinnati 'cause you needed the rest.

Writing the BIOS almost killed you.

Have you guys thought of a name yet?

I'm deciding between "Alamo," "Death Star," and "George."

I can't believe you guys don't like "Khan."

"Khan!"

Excuse me?

I wrote the BIOS. I name it.

"Lovelace."

- "Lovelace." - ( all laughing )

Not Linda Lovelace, you pervs, Ada Lovelace.

As in the first computer programmer ever?

Good name.

All right, let's turn this baby on.

( tapping drumroll )

( clicks )

( faint whirring )

All: Yeah!

- Larry: Yes! - ( cork pops )

Champagne.

- Champagne. - Good work.

Why is everyone celebrating? The screen didn't even turn on.

- There is no screen. - We're getting there.

I just promised a room full of retailers a briefcase.

You couldn't fit this crap in a gym bag.

You mean overpromised.

It must be nice to have a job where you get to say words without having to actually do anything.

Did you ever sell a computer before I showed up here?

Did any of you?

Well, we should probably turn it off.

I think it's starting to smoke.

Then turn it off, Stan.

What the hell is this?

I asked you to do a failure analysis report.

I did.

I don't understand. Can I see that?

It's here. It got mixed up with the supplemental report I did.

Okay, thanks.

Next time, just make sure the report I need is on top.

( sighs )

Stan: If we get rid of fans, we have a heat problem.

If we get rid of the coprocessor, we lose floating-point speed.

That'll get weight out of the case.

That'll give us one, two pounds max.

Joe wants this to be 10 pounds lighter.

Yeah, I want my wife to be 10 pounds lighter.

Life is about compromise.

This isn't a joke, Ed.

Everything is riding on us getting this right.

And no one's leaving here until we do, you got that?

Yes. Rangers scored.

- Give me that watch. - Ow, relax.

Would you rather be pounding Shiners with Brian at 3:00 in the afternoon? 'Cause that can be arranged.

I'm sorry.

What if we swapped out the CRT for an LCD?

It's lighter and smaller.

And way over our budget.

Not if you know a guy.

( fizzling )

Man: What's up?

I'm Lev. That's Kenneth,

but everyone calls him Yo-Yo.

( keyboard clicking )

- Are you playing games? - Jesus, do you mind?

I assigned you to write print drivers, not play games.

- What, when? - Well, didn't you check the flowchart?

I mapped out all the subroutine assignments and which order to do them in.

Print drivers are remedial.

Why aren't I working on a compiler?

Because I already have a team on it, number one.

Number two, I hear you can't be trusted to document your code, and, number three, I need you to document your code.

Welcome to the short bus.

Is that "Adventure"?

Yeah.

( chuckles ) Classic.

I could tell by your keystrokes.

That thing's heroin.

Took out my graduate seminar the night before our final.

We all flunked.

( fizzling )

Hey, Yo-Yo, I'm putting this up on the mainframe, so consider yourself warned.

Gary: Perfect time for you to come out.

This place empties out for the long weekend.

You won't slow down anyone's game.

That was a really nice gift you got the girls, the Kazoku watch.

I know you think I spoil them.

No, no, you should spoil them.

It sounds like you got a really good relationship with the guys over at Kazoku Electronics.

Look, all I'm asking for is an introduction.

I need a new LCD screen for my computer and Kazoku has the best technology.

For a second there, you had me convinced you actually wanted to play a round of golf with me for my birthday.

I'm sorry, Gary. I just-- look, I really need this.

Last time you came to me for help--

I won't let Donna go through that again.

This isn't like last time, I promise you.

- How's it different? - It's completely different.

Joe, he's running the project.

He's got over a decade at IBM under his belt.

- Joe MacMillan? - Yeah.

Donna keeps telling me he's all hat and no cattle.

No, no, no, no. He's the real deal.

Honest to God.

And I got a whole team of engineers that are busting their asses for me.

And you know John Bosworth.

I mean, Cardiff's a solid company.

The Japs love me.

You know, I make 'em a bundle.

They'll have to meet with you.

They don't do business without a face-to-face.

Yeah, I'll clear my schedule.

Thank you.

Sorry.

And these are the directions to Big Star Ball in case you decide to come.

We had a ball last year.

Are you forgetting? I'm from New York.

I'm trying.

- Do you want me to call your father? - What?

Your father. You just missed him.

He has a layover this Thursday in Dallas on his way to Hong Kong.

- ( intercom clicks ) - Did he say where he's staying?

Debbie: The Kerrington Hotel.

Call him and tell him I'll meet him at the lobby bar at 1:00.

( switch clicks )

What are you doing, arranging a vendor meeting without me?

They were headed back to Tokyo in the morning.

It was now or never.

- Never. Cancel it. - What? No.

I don't have time to explain this to you.

- Just cancel it. - You keep asking me for the moon and I finally get it for you and now you're saying no.

How is Kazoku's screen the moon?

They've developed cutting-edge LCD technology.

You want our computer to be under 12 pounds and slim as a briefcase? This is how we do it.

They'll gouge us.

I have a connection. He can get 'em down on price.

How do you have a connection?

It's a small industry. You meet people.

Look, I'm meeting them at Sushi on McKinney at 7:00.

Are you in or are you out?

IBM doesn't even make them with LCD screens.

Change the reservation to Woodson's.

Japanese don't come to Dallas to have a shrimp cocktail dressed up like a sushi roll. They come for steak.

Good call.

Hey... nice work.

- What? - ( chuckles )

Your comments. They're funny.

You be careful. I might ask you to document all my code.

- Check this out... - ( key clicks )

Oh, no, the printer only prints text.

Wait, you added a graphics mode?

And auto grayscale conversion?

( whirring )

Oh! Cool.

Uh, Friday, a bunch of us are going to that KCYD car thing, then to dinner if you're interested.

Yeah, maybe.

Steve: Now, how are we doing over here?

I'm finished.

Did you check off your module on the flowchart?

No, just told you I'm finished.

Well, I still need you to put a check by your name.

It's part of the protocol.

Learned it at Stanford B-School.

Mm, does the B stand for bullshit?

If you have a problem, you can come by my office and we can discuss it like adults.

No need to get your panties in a wad.

Oh, I'm not wearing any panties.

But you can stick that in your flowchart.

You have to get rid of that tool.

- Which one? - I'm not kidding. He's a terrible manager.

He can't see the forest for the trees. You have to get rid of him.

I don't have to do anything. Learn to work with people.

He's assigning drivers to the fastest coders and compilers to the lunkheads. It's inefficient.

Cut him some slack. He's under a lot of pressure.

What-- I could handle the pressure.

Why is that so crazy?

Let's see-- you're not exactly a people person.

You have no management experience or any job experience, really.

- You dropped out of college... - Because you begged me, asshole.

...and you lack professionalism.

A manager doesn't swear at his superior, certainly not with his office door open.

Is that more professional?

Look, if I've given you the impression that because of this thing we've got going on that you're entitled to special treatment, I'm sorry.

Cameron, what are you doing?

I'm just taking this little thing we've got going off the table.

Maybe that'll wake you up.

- Uh, I left some stuff at your apartment, so... - ( keys clatter ) you can tell Steve I'll report for duty tomorrow.

I read that they don't expect Westerners to bow, but you're supposed to receive their business cards with both hands.

It's a sign of respect.

I've been to Tokyo nine times.

Gordon Clark. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Guest: The pleasure is ours.

- Hirohiko Taketa. - Thank you.

Hirohiko Taketa.

"Hirohiko Taketa, head of International Sales, Kazoku Electronics."

Mr. Taketa, thank you for being our guest tonight.

We would do anything for the son-in-law of Gary Emerson.

( stammers ) I-I-I'm Gary's son-in-law.

Oh, hai.

( chuckles )

( door closes )

Oh, sorry. Hope I didn't scare you.

I'm Joe MacMillan.

I know Joe MacMillan.

Senior. He's my son.

Do you know when Joe will be back?

Uh, no, he's-- how did you get in here?

I showed the super my license.

You say something with the right authority, you generally get what you want.

Huh, that's fascinating.

I'm just here to get my stuff.

I bought this bat for him.

Spent hours teaching him how to swing correctly.

He wasn't exactly a natural.

Didn't know Joe had a girlfriend.

I'm not his girlfriend.

Well, Joe's not exactly the girlfriend type.

So, what did he do to make you so mad at him?

What did he do to make you so mad at him?

Is that what he told you?

No, he never talks about you.

But if you had to lie to the super to get into his apartment,

I'm guessing you're not exactly chummy.

Touché.

Actually, he stood me up this afternoon.

Maybe we could commiserate over a drink.

Thanks, but I've got to get going.

Someone waiting for you?

Yeah.

Well, it was nice to meet you, Miss-- you know, I never caught your name.

Cameron.

Not Cameron Howe?

How do you know my name?

When my guys came back to New York, they couldn't stop talking about this prodigy named Cameron Howe.

- Right. - Oh, yes.

They said you're the modern Ada Lovelace.

Tomorrow, I'm taking a 20-hour flight to Hong Kong with Bill Gates and he's gonna talk circles around me and I could use some liquid courage.

I hate to drink alone.

Don't mind me, I'm just gonna check the weather report on the local news.

( all chuckle )

No, but it's-- it's really an amazing work of engineering.

The one question I have is how do you scale this to a bigger size without the display blurring?

Oh, we make the voltage higher.

Five volts usually enough, yeah.

But if you zap a pixel with a voltage that high, the adjacent pixels twist, too. Don't you get ghosting?

What if you laid in a third layer of microcapacitors?

Aren't you experimenting with that technology already?

Sony is.

It would cost you more.

- Well, maybe-- - We can't drive up the price till we're no longer competitive. Here's our offer.

You take a lower margin on the individual screens, we'll give you a percentage of our profits on the back end.

It's the best I can do, and, frankly,

I don't think you'll get a better deal from another PC manufacturer.

( sighs )

- Kanpai. - All: Kanpai.

- ( coughs ) - Easy.

Lev: Is anyone else stuck in the maze of twisty little passages?

Yo-Yo: Try dropping an item.

( keyboards clicking )

What?

A pirate just pounced on me and stole my treasure.

No, no, no, no, you shut up!

You have bad grammar.

( clicking continues )

You, come with me.

- Me? - Yeah, you.

Any of you. All of you.

Get your asses in here, come on.

Come on.

Come here, get in.

How the hell do I get out of this godforsaken cave?

( all laugh )

Really looking forward to working with you.

Hai.

And the sales guys, they don't get what we do.

You know, the artistry that's involved.

All they care about's profit.

Take my father-in-law.

Have you ever even looked through the "Razor's Edge"?

I mean, you wouldn't believe the schlock that guy sells.

Schlock, you know, like stupid stuff.

Hai. ( flushing )

Schlock.

Schlock.

I noticed an Air Force pin on your backpack.

- Your father's? - Yeah.

Vietnam?

Helicopter crew chief.

Tough job.

I was a naval officer in the Pacific.

If anyone had told me one day I'd be flying to Tokyo every month and bowing to them...

( chuckles )

So, when did you start working for IBM?

Oh, they recruited me in 1945 to work on the Mark I.

- With Grace Hopper? Did you meet her? - Oh, sure.

- Did it really weigh four tons? - Five.

We used it in the Navy to calculate artillery firing.

I knew right then I wanted to work for Big Blue when I got out.

Best company in the world.

And I still don't understand what possessed Joe to leave.

I was surprised you turned us down.

You could've been the next Grace Hopper.

Instead, you're in line to be another programmer no one remembers.

( chuckles ) Oh, my God, you're right.

Yeah, instead of writing software for a brand-new machine,

I could've been getting coffee for the guy who warms the seat for the guy who writes the software.

What was I thinking?

Yeah, I'm sorry. That was out of line.

You're not the one I'm angry at.

It's a tricky thing, fathers and sons.

Your dad's lucky to have a daughter.

I bet you'd never stand him up if he came to see you.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

He didn't make it back, did he?

You couldn't have been more than 10 years old at the time.

I-- excuse me.

Joe: They picked up the check.

Are you too drunk to comprehend that means they're done with us?

I should never have let you come.

Let me come? I arranged this deal.

No, Gary did, and then you insulted him.

Nothing says, "Don't trust us" quite like bad-mouthing your own father-in-law.

Look, your father works at IBM and you shit on them all the time to everyone.

Not to the Japanese.

Look, you may be good with a soldering iron, but when it comes to business, the big picture, you have no idea.

Hey, hey. I'm not the one screwing "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."

- Leave her out of this. - Like that's not gonna blow up in our face!

Go back to your workstation with the rest of the grunts.

I'll fix this in the morning.

With what, Joe, your words?

Donna was right. You're all hat and no cattle.

Why don't you build a computer with Donna?

Oh, wait, you tried that.

( engine starts )

( tires squealing )

( engine roars )

Gordon on phone: Your dad's gonna kill me.

Well, I bet it wasn't as bad as you think.

Look, I'm telling you, it was.

I really screwed the pooch this time.

Well, I'm sure it'll work out somehow.

- ( rings ) - Oh, honey, I've got pies in the oven.

- We can talk more about this when you get home. - Okay.

Okay, yeah, I'll--

( phone rings )

What, Gordon?

Uh, it's Hunt.

Am I catching you at a bad time?

No, no, no. It's wonderful.

I mean... what's up?

Well, the reason I'm calling is 'cause I had a chance to go over that other report of yours,

and I wanna say I was really impressed.

I love that you took the initiative.

Well, thank you.

Listen...

I wanted to apologize for snapping at you the other day.

I was getting hammered from upstairs and, what can I say?

I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

Oh, it's no big deal, really.

I just yelled at my kids when I got home.

Well, that's what they're there for. ( Hunt chuckles )

Well, I don't want to cut into your evening any more than I already have.

Oh, no, I'm just making some peach pies

for my parents' barbecue.

Peach pies?

I love peach pie.

( Hunt chuckles )

Do you put vodka in your dough?

Vodka?

My granny, she used to substitute half the water for a shot of vodka.

She said it kept the crust from getting all soggy from the fruit filling.

I think she did it so if her pie didn't turn out,

everyone would be too drunk to notice.

Oh, well, she sounds like a smart lady.

Yeah, she was the best.

Well, I... better let you get back to bakin'.

If you have any left over, feel free to save me a slice.

Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night, Donna.

Can he call you in the morning? Now's not a really good time.

- It's kinda urgent. - ( faint chatter )

Sweetheart, can you come to the door for a second?

We're hosting game night.

Fun.

( quietly ) He's drunk.

What happened?

( stammers )

Are you okay?

Sorry, I don't usually...

No, it's perfectly all right.

I think you're under a lot of stress at work.

Joe's all wrong about you.

( chuckles ) Joe's wrong about a lot of things.

How close is he to giving up on all this?

I don't know. He's pretty determined.

He just hired a whole team of programmers and a manager behind my back.

Really pissed me off.

I hate to say it, but that sounds like Joe.

Did he pull this at IBM?

All the time.

You know how he got his three promotions at IBM?

He took them.

One time, he actually lied to a supervisor-- guy who'd been with us for over 20 years-- warned him that he was going to be let go and then strongly suggested that he tender his resignation to maintain his dignity.

Poor guy believed him.

Hmm.

Well, if you say something with the right authority, you generally get what you want.

You're so full of shit.

What, did you actually think I was gonna roll over and just tell Joe what a great guy you were?

You're both disgusting.

I don't think you understand who you've gotten into bed with.

It's only a matter of time until he blows everything up.

He always does.

- Well, you would know. - I gave him the world... and he spat in my face.

He thinks everything belongs to him... you included.

( card taps )

For when you figure that out.

( crickets chirping )

( tapping keyboard )

( playing "Fantaisie-Impromptu" )

( car approaches )

( car door opens, closes )

( music continues )

I'll only be a minute.

We made a mistake last night.

We offended you, and for that, I am sorry.

Mr. Clark was too ashamed to come, so I promised I would apologize on his behalf for getting drunk, for giving the impression that he doesn't respect his father-in-law, the man who was gracious enough to put us into contact with you.

That is not the case. Not for him, and certainly not for me.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for my father.

The day I graduated from his alma mater,

he brought me into his company, IBM.

He taught me the ropes. He taught me everything I know.

He told me to swing for the fences and I've never stopped swinging.

I know it's a risk showing up like this, but I will do anything to make you reconsider being in business with us.

Excellent.

Bellboy: Sir?

You forgot your magazine.

I'm done with that.

Cameron: Oh, don't bother.

- You're fired. - Excuse you?

Oh, and it's not 'cause you're a tool, which you are.

You can't fire me. I'm your boss.

Hey.

Do you want all your software programmed in 11 weeks for half of what you're spending?

Is this a trick question?

Brooks' Law, "The Mythical Man-Month."

The one useful book I read in college.

Brooks said that adding programmers to speed up a software project only makes it later.

She's got a real attitude problem.

Oh, also, I'm taking over Steve's job.

- See what I mean? - How would you know which programmers to keep?

Do you even know their names?

Hey! ( whistles )

Coder monkeys, come here.

How many of you got sucked into "Adventure" last night?

I knew it. She's sabotaging the project, Joe.

Okay, just curious-- how many of you figured out what order to push the buttons in at the dam?

And how many of you got out of the cave by breaking the code?

I had to get home to feed my cat.

Cameron: Which back doors did you use?

- Programmer: "Xyzzy." - "Plover."

- "Plugh." - Okay.

Lev, Yo-Yo, the rest of you guys who cheated, you get to keep your jobs.

Those of you who played fair and square, thank you very much, but you can go home.

Explain.

To play an honest game, you have to be good at solving puzzles.

But to cheat, you have to be great at solving code.

Those are the guys I need on my team-- the ones who can break into the code, find the back doors, figure out "Plover" and "Xyzzy" and "Fee Fie Foe Foo" to get it done.

- Did you find "Fee Fie Foe Foo"? - No.

Steve, I'll write you a nice letter of recommendation.

( tapping )

When I first heard I'd be working for Gordon Clark,

I wasn't sure he even knew his way around a motherboard.

Well, I've been proven wrong a hundred times over, and, today, my respect for this guy has been taken to a whole new level.

To Gordo, for kicking ass and taking names.

All: To Gordo.

Thanks, Gordon. Good job, buddy.

Hey, I see you told them the good news about the LCD screen.

Yeah, everyone's excited.

Good, I thought maybe you didn't get my message.

No, I did.

Figured you'd come by my office.

I've got work to do.

Don't you think you owe me a thank-you?

No, Joe. Actually, I don't.

Joe: Right.

I only saved your ass, the deal, and your relationship with your father-in-law.

( chuckles ) Gordon tell you how he almost tanked the deal?

Joe, don't.

First, he does eight shots of whiskey trying to keep up with the Japanese-- huge mistake.

So now he's wasted and he follows the chief engineer into--

Joe, I hate to bust your bubble, but you didn't save a damn thing.

Gary did after I went to his house and asked him-- no, I begged him-- got down on my knees to convince them to reconsider.

The deal was done before you ever got to the hotel.

Do you want his phone number to thank him?

Look, you guys take off.

I'll figure out the heating problem.

Joe: Cameron... are you going to this bowling alley thing later?

I don't know. It sounds dumb, but some of the coders are going.

It's amazing what passes for culture in Dallas.

I saw you took your stuff out of my apartment last night.

And a few things that don't belong to you.

What things?

Don't get me wrong, I think it's sweet that you wanted to read the article in the "Wall Street Quarterly."

I didn't take it.

There's no shame in caring about our project.

I just need it back so I can send it to some retailers.

Your dad came by the apartment.

He took it.

Did you talk to him?

Uh, I didn't stay long.

The guys are waiting for me.

"All Night Long" playing on P.A.

Radio DJ: We just drove this spanking new

1983 Datsun 280ZX off the lot.

Now, the Japs say their cars are stronger than ours.

We're gonna see about that.

Step up, folks. It's only $5 a swing.

We're gonna stay here until that sucker is flat as a pancake.

Come on up here, ladies!

"Living in the USA" playing in background

( cheering )

♪ Stand back, what'd you say? ♪

♪ Stand back, I won't pay ♪

♪ Stand back, I'd rather play ♪

♪ Stand back, it's my freedom ♪

♪ Yeah, don't worry about me, babe ♪

♪ I've got to be free, babe ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, yeah ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

- ♪ Living in the USA... ♪ - ( cheering )

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

♪ Living in the USA ♪

- ♪ Stand back, dietician... ♪ - Whoo!

♪ Stand back, politician, mortician... ♪

( cheering continues )

♪ Living in the USA ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Ow ♪

♪ I see a yellow man, a brown man ♪

♪ A white man, a red man ♪

- ♪ Looking for Uncle Sam... ♪ - ( cheering )

♪ To give you a helpin' hand ♪

♪ But everybody's kickin' sand ♪

♪ Even politicians ♪

♪ We're living in a plastic land ♪

♪ Somebody give me a hand, yeah ♪

♪ We're gonna make it, baby ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We're going to shake it, baby... ♪

( theme music playing )