Home > Star Trek: The Next Generation

The Big Goodbye

First Officer's Log, Stardate 41997.7:

We are about to make

a brief but necessary contact with the Jarada

a reclusive, insect-like race

known for its idiosyncratic attitude toward protocol.

The Jarada demand a precise greeting

in this case from Captain Picard.

Their language is most unusual.

The slightest mispronunciation is regarded as an insult.

PICARD: Unless it's followed by...

The double bars indicate an elongated "s" sound.

And the inverted "t" means to hold the "z".

Unless?

Unless it's followed by three wavy lines in which case the "z" becomes a "b."

Exactly.

What a language!

But you spell "knife" with a "k."

I spell knife with an "n."

But then I never could spell.

Well, this is an insect mind, sir.

My mind is barely working.

Take a break.

No, no, I want to go over this again.

You could be over-preparing.

You've been looking forward to the upgrade of the holodeck.

You have the time.

Captain, you need the diversion.

Dixon Hill.

The program's installed and waiting.

Program desired location.

Earth, United States, San Francisco, California.

Time period?

1941 AD.

File or access code?

File Dixon Hill, private detective.

Enter when ready.

Captain's Personal Log:

I'm entering the ship's holodeck

where images of reality

can be created by our computer.

Highly useful in crew training.

Highly enjoyable when used for games and recreation.

Very funny, Dix.

What did you do, lose another bet?

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

The bellboy suit.

Are you moonlighting at the Fairmont? The uniform?

It's totally inappropriate.

I should have changed.

Detective Bell your cop friend McNary's new partner was here nosing around.

If he'd have seen you in those threads he'd have had you sent to the funny farm.

Mr. Leech called twice. and there's a lady named Bradley waiting in your office.

Nice legs.

Not you, her.

Got a hot date with my fella.

See you in the morning.

I lost a bet.

Oh, well, at least you're ready for Halloween.

Halloween?

I need your help, Mr. Hill.

Someone is trying to kill me.

Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission--

to explore strange new worlds

to seek out new life and new civilizations

to boldly go where no one has gone before.

Captain's Personal Log:

I am delighted with how the holodeck

has created the fictional world of Dixon Hill

the twentieth century detective

who's been a hero of mine since childhood.

The characters are meta-generated

by the computer, of course yet they feel real.

They seem real in every way.

I'm not sure who wants me dead-- my husband, my stepdaughter...

Or a lover, perhaps.

Perhaps.

Or perhaps it's Cyrus Redblock.

I need you to find out.

Name your fee.

$20.00 a day, plus expenses.

Agreed.

I haven't said yes yet.

Oh, you'll say yes, Mr. Hill.

If it is Redblock, he must think I've got what he's looking for.

But believe me, I don't.

I'll take your word for it.

Here's a C-note, in advance.

Consider it a retainer.

And next time, wear a suit.

Au revoir.

( horn honking outside )

Remarkable!

Exit.

( knocking )

You'll have to call again.

I'm just leaving.

I'm not dressed properly.

I'll be back.

Mr. Hill?

Where are you?

Memory, save current setting.

Current setting saved.

Holodeck off.

And when I looked down into the street

I actually saw automobiles.

Otto-moveels? Mm-hmm.

An ancient Earth device used primarily for transportation. Ah.

Also seen as a source of status and virility.

Often a prime ingredient in teenage mating rituals.

Teenage mating rituals?

From that window, I could see an entire...

City block?

That's right.

Sounds, smells...

You make it sound so real.

That's how it felt.

Incredible.

Hmm?

Oh.

Well, I'm going to go again.

Only this time, I'm going to dress the part.

Why not come with me?

Yes, I'd like that.

I want to take that 20th century historian...

Who, Whalen? Yes, Whalen.

I bet he knows more about Dixon Hill than I do.

Shall I tell him, sir?

Invite him, Mr. Data.

This is supposed to be a recreational activity.

The sense of reality was absolutely incredible.

When that woman kissed me it was so... Exciting?

Real.

The purpose of this meeting is to discuss the Jaradan rendezvous.

Mr. Riker, will you go ahead with the briefing?

This is primarily a diplomatic mission.

The Jaradan are strategically important to the federation.

Previous attempts have failed because they are so easily irritated.

A slip in the pronunciation of the greeting caused a 20-year rift.

The Captain has to recite the entire greeting without making any mistakes.

Simple as that, huh?

DATA: Yes.

If, on the other hand, the Captain makes even the slightest error...

The Captain is well aware of the gravity of the situation, Commander.

We are all aware of the tape of the last Federation starship to come into contact with the Jaradan.

It graphically demonstrates what happened when that Captain offended them.

Captain Picard is familiar with that, Data.

Should we not rerun it?

It's not necessary, Mr. Data.

Meeting adjourned.

Why would the Captain not want to review all available information on the subject?

Data, when you've seen the Jaradan react once you don't ever need to see it again.

This Dixon Hill is a most puzzling character.

Not really.

He was just a 20th century Sherlock Holmes.

Ah, but was his modus operandi not dissimilar?

Worth investigating.

Indubitably, my dear Data.

Indubitably.

Computer, request all biographical information on fictional character Dixon Hill.

Working.

Character first appeared in pulp magazine

Amazing Detective Stories, copyright 1934 AD.

Second appearance in novel The Long Dark Tunnel copyright 1936.

Request complete text of all stories involving said character.

Increase speed.

Captain's Log, Supplemental:

The Jaradan rendezvous is still 11 hours away.

I am about to reenter the world of Dixon Hill--

this time, properly dressed.

An experience like this is more enjoyable when shared

so I've invited our fiction expert, Whalen

to accompany me.

Dr. Crusher will join us shortly.

Ready for San Francisco, Mr. Whalen?

More than ready, sir.

Well, if it's anything like last time

I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

Permission to accompany you, sir.

I am totally versed in the genre of the period.

Well, shall we?

( horns honking )

Hey, Dix, how's Tricks?

Hmm? Oh, she's fine, fine.

Wonderful. He actually thinks you're Dixon Hill.

Say, Mack, I would like to buy a newspaper, too but I don't have any money.

Hey, you catch me next time, huh, Dix?

Thank you, thank you.

"Hitler on the move.

"Roosevelt presses Congress for British aid.

( mispronounces ): DiMaggio streak reaches 37."

DiMaggio, sir.

Jolting Joe, the Yankee Clipper.

Baseball, sir.

It was a national obsession at the time.

The streak they are referring to will eventually reach 56 games and be snapped by a pair of journeyman hurlers for the Cleveland Indians.

Cleveland?

They got no pitchers, they never got no pitchers.

What are you, nuts or something?

The record will stand until the year 2026 when a shortstop for the London Kings...

Hey, Dix, what gives with this guy?

He's not from around here, is he?

No, he's not.

He's... he's from...

South America.

Yeah, he's got a nice tan.

I should have listened to her.

She told me someone was trying to kill her.

Captain, she's a page from a book.

That's all she ever was.

Well, well.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Cat?

Where the hell did he come from?

South America. Can't you tell?

Wherever you're from while you're in my town you keep your nose clean.

Well, tough guy this time you've really done it.

Your goose is cooked, but good.

I'm sorry about this, Dix.

Don't apologize to him.

Where were you last night between 10:00 and midnight?

That would be a bit hard to explain.

Yeah? Well, you'll have plenty of time to come up with something.

You're going downtown.

For what?

For the murder of Jessica Bradley.

We found this in her purse.

Status report.

We're being probed, sir.

The Jarada.

Most likely.

But it's long range.

Can't be certain where it's originating.

One could get the feeling they don't exactly trust us.

Commander, I'm receiving a subspace message from the Jarada.

That's not part of the plan.

Pipe it through.

Enterprise, we speak to you in your language.

The time has come for you to honor us in ours.

This is Commander Riker, First Officer of the Enterprise.

You are not Captain?

No, sir, I'm not.

I suggest we commence screen-to-screen communication so we can see each other.

You offend us.

We will not show ourselves to a mere subordinate.

We await your Captain's greeting with growing unrest.

End of communication.

Terrific.

Find the Captain.

He's in the holodeck.

Aye, sir.

Enter when ready.

...when ready.

...when ready.

Hiya, Doc.

What's cooking?

You know I had some trouble getting through?

Where's Captain Picard?

He's on ice.

Pardon?

He's being grilled.

What is he, a fish?

He's being interrogated.

They think he committed a murder.

Why aren't we all being interrogated?

Maybe I should go and help him.

No, no, no, relax. Relax, doc.

He's having the time of his life in there.

Well, why should he have all the fun?

Come on, Toots, let's go.

Spill it.

I've told you everything I know.

Well, you'll just have to tell us again.

From the top.

From the top!

Oh, very good.

I've read all this before, you know.

It's absolutely as it should be.

La Forge to Bridge.

Riker here.

I can't find the Captain, sir.

I told you, he's in the holodeck.

I'm at the holodeck.

Something's gone wrong.

What are you saying, Lieutenant?

I can't communicate with them.

I can't access the program and I can't open the doors.

Enterprise Log, Supplemental, First Officer reporting:

Due to a breakdown in the holodeck

we are unable to contact the Captain.

Tasha, take over.

I'm going to holodeck 3.

WESLEY: Commander.

I've studied all the technical manuals on the holodeck, sir.

I think I can be of some help down there.

Geordi's well equipped to deal with the situation, Wes.

Right now your duty's here on the Bridge.

Will, his mother's missing, too.

Come on, Wesley.

And you say you never met her before she came to hire you.

I've already told you that, twice.

Yeah? Well, you're going to have to tell me again.

Look, fellows, this is no longer amusing.

Easy, Dan.

You think you're tough, Hill but you're nothing!

Don't take him too seriously, Dix.

His old lady's been giving him a hard time.

You know how it is.

Actually, I do need to get out of here.

I'll see what I can do.

( clears throat )

Something on your mind?

Yeah, but I'm not sure it can be repeated in mixed company.

You're a pretty hep-looking broad.

Is that good?

It ain't bad.

You like Tommy Dorsey?

I got two tickets for the dance tomorrow night.

Have you tried the intercom?

GEORDI: Yes.

Riker to holodeck.

Riker to holodeck.

Are you seeing anything?

No, sir.

RIKER: What can I do?

GEORDI: Not a thing.

We have to go through this millimeter by millimeter.

All right, get it fixed.

Easy, Wes, slow it down.

If there's an anomaly you could go right past it, okay?

I've known the guy for ten years.

Okay, Dix, we're cutting you loose.

That's welcome news.

You better not try to leave town.

If I leave town, the town leaves with me.

I get the feeling your friend doesn't like me.

We know you're dealing with Redblock, Dixon.

Take it from a friend.

It doesn't help your case.

Redblock?

I'll keep it in mind.

Thank you for helping me.

Forget it.

( coughs )

Say, Dix, when you coming over for supper?

The kids would love to see you.

And you know how much you love Sharon's cooking.

Soon, my friend.

For the moment, I have other duties.

Blonde or brunette?

She's a lady, all right.

And her name is Enterprise.

Sounds like a working girl to me.

Hey, I'll stop by the office with a bottle of scotch.

You can tell me all about her.

Have a good time?

I don't know.

Sometimes it almost seemed too real.

I must say, you wear it well.

I'm glad you could make it.

Why, thank you, Mr. Hill.

Maybe we should be getting back to the Enterprise.

We are on the Enterprise.

Oh, yes, of course. So we are.

Do we have time to see your office?

Mmm. Yes, of course. Why not?

Captain, mind if I join you?

Yeah, me too, boss.

I'd love to take a gander.

The holodeck makes excellent use of finite space.

Oh, Mr. Hill, you have been avoiding me.

It's Felix Leech.

It has to be.

You know me, sir?

Well, I've read about you, many times.

I'm very sorry, Mr. Leech, but we have to be going.

Call again tomorrow.

You're being quite rude, Mr. Hill.

You haven't even introduced me to your charming companions.

That'll have to wait.

But we have business.

Urgent business.

You're not going anywhere.

Not until we have a little chat.

YAR: Bridge to holodeck.

We're approaching the Jaradan sector.

RIKER: Any word from the Jaradans?

Not a thing, sir.

They may be testing us-- seeing if we'll stick to the arrangements.

What do we do now, sir?

We wait.

Well, everything checks out so far.

Ensign Crusher believes the trouble may have been caused by the Jaradan probe.

If so, it could be very difficult to locate.

I am not a man to be toyed with, Mr. Hill.

You were hired to locate a certain object.

I demand to know what you have done with it.

Well, I suppose a few moments longer...

I'm afraid I can't help you, Mr. Leech.

The game is over.

I assure you, this is not a game.

Take it from me, Leech.

You'll never find it.

Now give me the gun.

( gunshot )

But they're not real.

There's massive internal bleeding.

We have to get him to sick bay.

How could this happen?

It will happen again if you don't cooperate.

Ooh!

You struck me.

How dare you?

You're going to be sorry.

I promise you.

Redblock isn't going to like this!

If we don't get him to sick bay, he will die.

Exit.

Computer, exit!

Data, try the other exit in the hall.

Computer, identify exit.

There's a programming malfunction.

The computer refuses to identify the exits.

I'm losing his pulse.

Computer, this is the Captain!

Computer, identify exit!

Standard orbit, Mr. Worf.

Aye, sir. Standard orbit.

Riker to holodeck.

Nothing yet, Commander.

We're running out of time.

The Jarada will expect the Captain's greeting.

Well, you may have to stall them.

It's no use. It's just not there.

Suggestions, Mr. Data.

I'm at a loss, sir.

We're in a holodeck-created building of 1941.

The computer refuses to accept voice commands.

The controls for the environment are therefore not accessible.

I could use some light.

( door opens )

Good day, Mr. Hill.

My name is Cyrus Redblock.

I hope you don't mind us dropping in.

I see I have no choice.

Life is an endless stream of choices.

Unfortunately, you have chosen to make my life more difficult.

I don't suppose you'd be foolish enough to hide it here?

I don't suppose so.

Still, I'm sure you won't mind if we take a look around?

I wish you'd quit asking, since it's obvious you're going to do it anyway.

It's just a waste of time.

Good manners, madam, are never a waste of time.

Civility, gentleman.

Always civility.

Get that stiff out of here.

He's not dead.

From his pallor, he soon will be.

You want I should throw him in the garbage, boss?

The room next door will be good enough for now.

Don't touch him.

Which one struck you?

It was Hill.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

A Newtonian truism which you have obviously neglected.

McNARY: Dix, you in there?

I saw your light and figured you were working late.

Guess I was right.

Nice company you're keeping, Dix.

You forget to take the trash out this morning?

I'm a tolerant man but I do not tolerate disrespect.

Your devotion to etiquette is highly admirable, sir.

However, your methods leave much to be desired.

What have we here?

LEECH: He looks like a ghost.

Yeah.

Where do you suppose he's from?

Where were you hatched, anyway?

I was created on a planet...

Data.

South America.

REDBLOCK: I've been all over the world.

I've never seen anything like you.

He's not from this world.

None of us are.

We are from a world... we're from a world of fabulous riches.

A world where there are objects far greater than the one you seek.

That's ridiculous.

You're a private dick.

We've met before and you never even mentioned any of this.

He's right, Dix.

That's pretty weak stuff.

I wouldn't even buy that line of guff.

I am not Dixon Hill.

I just look like Dixon Hill.

DATA: He speaks the truth, sir.

From your point of view he is only a facsimile.

A knock-off.

A cheap imitation.

Thank you, Mr. Data.

Sorry, sir, that did not come out quite the way I intended.

REDBLOCK: Very, very good.

What wonderful fiction.

Quite entertaining.

I admire your skill at trying to obfuscate our sense of reality.

It is you who are not real, sir.

CRUSHER: Data...

It's you who are imaginary characters derived from a work of fiction.

Give it up, fellas.

These guys are too smart to fall for that kind of story.

I am afraid you are not real either, Lieutenant.

LEECH: I don't want to hear any more of this.

You're making me crazy.

Let me shoot them, Mr. Redblock.

Let me kill them one by one.

What an interesting situation.

Perhaps we should test this theory by killing one of them.

You've already done that.

This man is dying.

It's all so senseless.

Oh, hardly.

Senseless killing is immoral, but killing for a purpose can be quite often ingenious.

Well said, Mr. Redblock.

What is our purpose?

We are on a quest for knowledge, Mr. Leech.

We want the item!

We don't have it.

Shall I kill him?

No.

Kill the woman.

Redblock.

I have the item.

At last.

I knew it.

God, man, what a character you are.

Waiting till the last moment.

Testing my resolve.

All right. Where is it?

I'll explain.

But first tell Leech to back off.

Put the gun down, Mr. Leech.

But I so much want to kill her.

Maybe later.

It won't harm us to listen to Mr. Hill.

Don't make any deals with that slime, Dix.

All right, let's begin.

Make your thoughts fruitful and your words eloquent,

'cause I don't have to tell you, your lovely lady friend's life depends upon it.

There is a price.

By god, I knew you were a man of my stripe.

All right. What is it?

Mr. Whalen's life.

You must help us to save him.

We can't delay much longer.

We're going to have to tell them something.

Open hailing frequencies.

Frequencies open, sir.

This is Commander Riker aboard the Enterprise.

We demand that you...

( loud buzzing )

Cut that off.

They're not going to be satisfied with anyone less than the Captain.

La Forge to Bridge.

Riker here.

We think we have something, sir.

I'll let Ensign Crusher explain.

The bi-converter interface has been affect...

Forget the explanation!

Can you do it?

I don't know if I should, sir.

If this isn't done correctly the program could abort and everyone inside could vanish.

Do you need more time to study it?

Whether we do it now or later, the risk is the same.

Do it.

If we can find a way of getting him to our sick bay by fixing our computer...

Computer?

I don't know that word.

An electronic or mechanical apparatus capable of carrying out repetitious or complex mathematical operations at high speed.

Computers are used to control, process, perform, or store...

Enough! Let me kill him.

He's really beginning to irritate me.

(overlapping shouting)

(overlapping exclamations)

Captain-- the exit.

That's it.

That's the way into our world.

Remarkable.

Is this a two-way passage?

Can one enter your world and return to this one simply by stepping through?

Oh, yes.

Allow us to help Mr. Whalen and we will return with... the item.

You really are a scamp, aren't you?

Do you actually think I'd stay here and...

If you were going to go through yourself, sir that is not possible.

One look at you, sir is proof that anything is possible.

Step aside, Mr. Hill.

I'd shoot you myself but I don't want to deprive my assistant of his greatest pleasure.

After we're gone kill them all.

Make sure the bodies are never found.

You're insane.

You think you can kill a cop and get away with it?

Why not? I've done it before.

Come on, Mr. Leech.

Au revoir

et bon chance, mon ami.

Our destiny awaits.

Another world.

A whole new world to plunder.

What is this?

What are they doing?

They can't do this to me!

Don't they know who I am?

I'm Cyrus Redblock!

Cyrus Redblock!

With your permission, sir?

Permission granted.

Data, pick up Whalen. Take him to sick bay.

And you, sir?

I'll follow. You go now.

I wish I could take you with me.

Someone has to book this creep.

Once a cop, always a cop, I guess.

I have to go.

So... this is the big good-bye.

Tell me something, Dix.

When you're gone will this world still exist?

Will my wife and kids still be waiting for me at home?

I honestly don't know.

Good-bye, my friend.

Captain.

RIKER: You ready, sir?

Ready as I'll ever be, Number One.

Open hailing frequencies.

Frequencies open, sir.

This is Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise.

( Jaradan greeting )

You have honored us with your words of greeting.

A new day dawns between us.

(cheers and applause)

So... have a nice vacation?

It was a nice place to visit, Number One but I wouldn't want to die there.

So, Data, how was it?

It was raining in the City by the Bay-- a hard rain.

Hard enough to wash the slime...

Data!

Sorry, sir.

Lieutenant, take us out of orbit.

Aye, sir.

And Mr. La Forge... Sir?

Step on it.