Home > Star Trek: The Next Generation

Up the Long Ladder

( groaning )

( door opens )

Number One, will you join me in the Ready Room?

Yes, sir.

( breathing heavily )

I've just come from a meeting with Admiral Moore.

He wanted to discuss this.

( electronic pulsing )

Recognize it?

Sounds like it might be an SOS.

Good guess.

You're quicker than Starbase Research.

It took them hours to determine that this was a distress beacon.

When was it detected? Last month.

It just kicked in without any warning.

Who used the beacon?

It's Terran.

Captain, I'm familiar with most Earth codes, and...

Mm-hmm.

Interesting.

Yes, that code hasn't been used in centuries.

What was its origin point?

Ficus Sector.

Captain, I don't think there's any record of an Earth colony in that area.

Well, now we know there's someone out there and they're asking for help.

But who?

Let's try and find out.

Computer, download all information regarding signal beacon from Starbase mainframe.

COMPUTER: Distress beacon used by the European Hegemony.

The European Hegemony?

A loose alliance formed in the early part of the 22nd century.

It was the first stirrings of world government.

You should read more history, Number One.

Computer, locate the exact dates in which this signal beacon was in general use.

Old Earth calendar 2123 until 2190.

No extraterrestrial source ever used this code?

COMPUTER: Negative.

Computer, locate all Earth deep space launches from 2123 until 2190 with the destination in or near the Ficus Sector.

Working.

Nothing for Ficus.

Damn it, who's out there?

Lost sheep.

Let's go see if we can find them.

Medical emergency.

Dr. Pulaski to the Bridge.

PICARD: What happened?

He just collapsed, sir.

Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission--

to explore strange new worlds

to seek out new life and new civilizations

to boldly go where no one has gone before.

Captain's log, stardate 42823.2.

We are departing from Starbase 73

to investigate the source

of a mysterious distress signal.

Meanwhile, my security officer remains in Sick Bay

where Dr. Pulaski is searching

for the cause of his collapse.

I am fine.

You're not fine. You fainted.

I did not faint.

Klingons do not faint.

Excuse me, I'll rephrase.

This Klingon suffered a dramatic drop in blood pressure.

His blood glucose level dropped.

There was deficient blood flow resulting from circulatory failure.

In other words, he curled up his toes and lay unconscious on the floor.

Doctor, there is no need to insult me.

Worf, I'm worried.

Now, something is wrong.

Klingons don't faint.

( growls )

Forgive me.

I just can't think of another word that applies.

You're sick.

Klingons do not give in to...

Just stay right where you are.

I have to check something with the computer.

Lieutenant, you have rop'ngor.

But that is a childhood ailment.

Yes.

How shall I live down the humiliation?

Oh, Worf, you can't help...

Still, for a warrior to find himself in such a situation.

So you've got the Klingon version of the measles.

How would Commander Riker feel if he had the measles?

Pretty silly.

PICARD: Dr. Pulaski, how is Lieutenant Worf?

He's in no danger.

Uh, Worf was, um... just observing a Klingon ritual involving fasting and he didn't take into account that you have to decrease your physical activity as you decrease your caloric intake.

Pulaski out.

Thank you.

I am in your debt.

( deep exhale )

( door chime )

Come.

Captain, I've been considering the problem of the missing ship.

Although there is no record of a launch to the Ficus Sector-- which would not be unusual considering the chaos of the early 22nd century-- someone had to load that ship.

The manifest.

Yes, sir.

There it is.

SS Mariposa.

Loaded 27th of November 2123.

Destination Ficus Sector.

Captain Walter Granger, commanding.

Mariposa: the Spanish word for butterfly.

Thank you, Data.

I thought it might be significant, sir.

It doesn't appear to be, Data.

No, sir.

You learn a lot about people from their luggage--

225 Yoshimitsu computers, five monitor beacon satellites

700 cellular com links, fifty spinning wheels...

Spinning wheels?

Cattle... Accessing. chickens, pigs...

A device used for spinning yarn or thread, which consists of a large hand or foot-driven wheel and once...

Why would anyone carry such an insane mix of cargo?

Data!

Perhaps they were planning for the worst, sir.

Theorize, Data.

Give me some background.

In the early 22nd century

Earth was recovering from World War III.

A major philosopher of the time was Liam Dieghan founder of the Neo-Transcendentalists who advocated a return to a simpler life in which one lived in harmony with nature and learned under her gentle tutelage.

Thank you, Data.

But if this was a ship full of utopians why carry all this technological baggage?

I have insufficient information upon which to form a cogent theory, sir.

Doctor.

I wish to thank you for protecting my...

Your secret is safe with me.

Worf, I'm honored.

No one has ever performed the Klingon tea ceremony for me.

There, that should do it.

You know the ceremony.

I understand the externals, not the mysteries.

I'm not a Klingon.

You must not drink the tea.

It is deadly to humans.

And none too good for Klingons.

It is a test of bravery, of one's ability to look at the face of mortality.

It is also a reminder that death is an experience best shared like the tea.

Worf, you're a romantic.

It is among the Klingons that love poetry achieves its fullest flower.

Hold that thought.

Antidote.

If we're going to share, let's share.

Now, quote me a little of that poetry.

PICARD: Initiate sensor sweeps.

Aye, sir.

The system's sun has entered a period of severe flare activity.

Now we know what triggered the SOS.

Class-M readings from the fifth planet in the system.

Take us in.

WORF: Shields at maximum.

Sensors indicate human life-form readings

30 meters below the planet's surface.

Hailing on all frequencies.

No response so far but the flares may be interfering with communications.

There is no evidence of an advanced communication network.

They brought a lot of technology.

Where is it?

There is no artificial power source on the planet.

The stellar flares are increasing in magnitude and frequency.

Computer projections indicate they will brush the planet in 3.6 hours.

Evacuation will be difficult.

We can lower our shields for transport only between the flares.

Captain, these people have been isolated for 300 years.

They could be very unsophisticated.

The shock of being suddenly transported onto a space ship could frighten them, to say the least.

Mm. Your point is well-taken, Counselor.

Number One, you're going to have to go down there.

On my way.

Captain's log, stardate 42827.3.

Commander Riker has reached the caverns

where he's making preparations to begin the evacuation.

What's the situation, Number One?

RIKER: There are roughly 200 people down here.

Their condition?

Surprisingly good.

Are they willing to leave?

Yes, but...

Well, get them up here.

I'm having a little debate with the colony's leader.

It seems...

There's no time, Number One.

Initiate the transport.

But, sir...

Whatever the problem, we'll handle it up here.

Aye, aye, sir.

We're on our way, all of us.

Riker out.

RIKER: First load ready, Mr. O'Brien.

Energizing.

( sheep baaing )

( rooster crowing )

Captain you'd better get somebody down here, right away.

( sheep baaing, rooster crowing over com )

( pig squealing )

MAN: Down you go, my beauty.

Down you go.

Take the pig out there, will you?

Very good, very good.

O'Brien, I think that third wave should be in position.

Shoo, damn you. Shoo, shoo.

Aye, sir.

( loud commotion, chicken clucking )

O'Brien, is it, hmm?

I should have known

'twould be a good Irishman who was running this ship.

( clears throat )

What the devil is going on here, Number One?

Ah, Captain Picard, is it?

Oh, the man who makes decisions for me and mine without so much as a by-your-leave.

This is my Security Chief, Lieutenant Worf.

I don't suppose security is much of a problem for you.

Danilo Odell, sir, at your service.

What are these animals doing here, Number One?

I'm sorry, sir.

It was either this or arguing until hell froze over.

Uh, Captain Picard, sir... we can't leave our animals here to die.

Besides, how could we build our future without our animals?

All right.

Chief O'Brien, transport this group directly to Cargo Hold 7 and beam the remaining refugees from the planet directly to that hold.

Yes, sir.

Right, lads, everybody back onto the infernal machine.

All right, everybody up here.

Uh, Captain, Captain.

'Twas very good of you, sir to rescue us from our troubles.

My pleasure.

Yes. Uh, sir.

You must be worth quite a bit to own a fine ship like this.

I don't own the Enterprise.

I command her.

Oh, whatever.

Ah, sir, would you happen to be married?

No. Why?

No?

Well, you see, sir, I have a daughter.

Felicitations.

Would you be interested, sir?

No. You're quite sure?

Quite sure.

Um, he's quite sure.

What's the total?

Two hundred and twenty-three.

Count on two more in the next few days.

Set course for the nearest Starbase.

You know, they were anachronistic in 2123.

It will be interesting to see how they cope.

They'll learn and adapt.

If Danilo Odell is any indication they'll be running this place inside of a week.

( alarm sounding )

Lieutenant Worf here, report.

MAN: Fire in Cargo Hold 7.

The Bringloidi.

What have they done to my ship now?

Keep the area clear.

Report.

The fire has been contained.

No damage.

Unseal the doors.

My God, Picard, the place is a bloody deathtrap.

Lightening bolts falling from the ceiling.

DANILO: What the hell was that thing?

WORF: Automated fire system.

A force field contains the flame until the remaining oxygen has been consumed.

Ah, wh-wh-what if I'd been under that thing?

You would have been standing in the fire.

Yeah, well, leaving that aside for the moment--

I mean, what would have happened to me?

You would have suffocated and died.

Ah, sweet mercy.

Oh, there you are.

Your hospitality leaves a hell of a lot to be desired.

You don't offer us a bite or a sup and when we build a fire to cook a little something the whole place goes mad.

I, um...

My apologies.

I was unaware that you had not been instructed in the use of the food dispensers.

And what are you staring at?

Have you never seen a woman before?

I thought I had.

DANILO: Uh, Commander.

May I present my daughter, Brenna Odell.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

You may have all the time in the world but I have dozens of frightened and hungry children and women to look after.

And what about the men?

Well, I'm sure they'll find their comfort as they always do-- in the bottom of a mug of home brew.

( chuckling )

Pay no heed, Commander.

She's a fine girl.

She's not usually as sharp-tongued as that.

BRENNA: Dado!

Sir?

That's the last thing I expected.

Sometimes, Number One you just have to... bow to the absurd.

Ah, Captain.

Captain, sir.

How did the ship sense the fire?

Uh, well, the ship's computers...

Com-pu-ter?

The ship's computers sense a localized increase...

BRENNA: Men, always talking when there's work to be done.

And shouldn't you be flying this ship or whatever it is you do?

Shh.

Sir, I think I'll stay and give her some help.

That isn't necessary.

The ship will clean itself.

Well, good for the bloody ship.

Tell me, Commander Riker where does a girl go to wash her feet on this ship?

As the First Officer

I feel it's my responsibility to show you all the amenities.

She is very much like a Klingon woman.

Uh, Captain, just one other thing.

It slipped my mind in all the hustle and bustle.

The point, Mr. Odell?

Yes, well, in all your travels have you heard anything from the other colony?

The other colony?

Captain's log, supplemental.

A review of stellar charts has revealed a Class-M planet

only half a light year from the Bringloid system.

I'm proceeding on the premise

that it was the destination of the colony

which possessed the more sophisticated equipment.

William Riker, you're a mess.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

And if I don't, who will?

I can see why your father wants to marry you off.

Oh, and why is that?

So he can have a pipe and a mug of beer in peace.

You've shown me so many wonders on your great ship but there's still one thing you haven't shown me.

What's that?

I'm still waiting to wash my feet.

Right behind that door.

William, is something wrong?

What do you mean?

Do you not like girls?

Of course I do.

Oh, is there a special technique to this foot washing?

You generally start at the top and work your way down.

I think I can handle that.

I was hoping you might.

( people talking, sheep baaing)

WORF: You sent for me?

Ah, yes, yes.

Now, we're brewing poteen but we need to find a way to heat it without this bloody ship firing bloody lightening bolts at us.

You can obtain spirituous liquors from the food dispensers.

Huh-uh, oh, no, no.

It's not that synthehol bilge that O'Brien offered me, is it?

No.

If you wish it can be real alcohol.

Good.

With all the deleterious effects intact.

As it should be.

You see, lad every moment of pleasure in life has to be purchased by an equal moment of pain.

Whiskey.

Terrible.

It has no bite.

Chech'tluth.

( wheezing )

Now that's what I call a wee drop of the creature.

Father!

Remember what I said about the moment of pain?

Well, 'tis about to begin.

( wheezing ): Hello, my darling.

Oh, "my darling," is it?

I might have known.

Are you drunk yet or can you talk with Dr. Pulaski about the children?

What about them?

She wants to send them to school with the ship's children.

What do you think?

I think it's a good idea.

So go handle it.

And I'm sure there's something you can be doing with your time.

And as for you...

What?

Why did you have to tell them this magic wall can give them more than meat and potatoes?

Now we'll never get a lick of work out of them.

Madam, have you ever considered a career in security?

If it's anything like baby-sitting, I'm an authority.

( women laughing )

Captain's log, supplemental.

We are approaching the Class-M planet

where we hope to find the other colonists.

Signal from the planet, Captain.

On screen.

This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise representing the United Federation of Planets.

This is wonderful.

Welcome, Captain.

I'm Wilson Granger Prime Minister of Mariposa.

No doubt, a descendant of Captain Walter Granger.

Not quite a descendant.

We feared Earth had suffered some catastrophe when no one came back to check on us.

I'm afraid the truth is, you got lost in the bureaucracy.

But despite the lateness of our arrival we're here now, and we're eager to renew ties.

Splendid.

Please come down and allow us to extend our hospitality to you and your crew.

Thank you.

Form an away team, Number One.

I would urge caution.

Caution? What's wrong?

He's hiding something. We'll check it out.

Mr. Worf.

Dr. Pulaski, join us in Transporter Room 3 for an away detail.

Welcome to Mariposa.

I am Victor Granger, Minister of Health.

Commander William Riker

Dr. Pulaski, Lieutenant Worf.

A pleasure.

I'll escort you to the Prime Minister.

This way, please.

Twin brothers?

GRANGER: Your arrival really is serendipitous.

PULASKI: Oh, how so? well, uh, perhaps I'll let the Prime Minister explain that.

Triplets?

Worf, there is something damn odd going on here.

Quadruplets.

Doctor, is your title scientific or medical?

Medical. Ah, excellent.

Is there some medical problem we should know about?

I think it best if the, uh...

Prime Minister explains that.

Somehow, I thought you might.

Yes, excuse me.

Gentlemen?

Please follow me.

( whirring softly )

This way please.

Doctor?

Welcome to Mariposa.

Dr. Katherine Pulaski.

This is my Chief of Staff, Elizabeth Vallis.

Tell me, is your entire population made up of clones, Prime Minister?

Clones?

Clones?

Clones.

Captain's log, supplemental.

Prime Minister Granger has requested an urgent meeting

to discuss the future of the Mariposan colony.

I've invited him to the Enterprise.

Captain, we need your help.

300 years ago, during our landing on Mariposa the skin of our ship was breached.

Only five of the colonists survived.

The progenitors weren't willing to just give up and die and they were scientists...

PICARD: So they used their expertise and turned to cloning.

Yes, we had no other option.

Two women and three men represented an insufficient gene pool from which to build a society.

Well, how did you suppress the natural sexual drive?

Drugs? Punitive laws?

In the beginning, a little bit of each.

Now, after 300 years the entire concept of sexual reproduction is a little repugnant to us.

How did you overcome the problem of replicative fading?

We haven't.

You have got a problem.

Wait, I don't understand "replicative fading."

Each time you clone, you're making a copy of a copy.

Subtle errors creep into the chromosomes and eventually you end up with a non-viable clone.

How can we help you?

We need an infusion of fresh DNA.

I was hoping that you would be willing to share some tissue samples.

You want to clone us?

Yes.

No way. Not me.

But how could you possibly be harmed?

It's not a question of harm.

One William Riker is unique, perhaps even special but a hundred of him, a thousand of him diminishes me in ways I can't even imagine.

You would be preserving yourself.

Human beings have other ways of doing that.

We have children.

I think you will find that attitude prevalent among all the Enterprise people.

I see.

Well, if you are not willing to share your DNA will you at least send some people to repair our malfunctioning equipment?

Yes, of course.

Number One, put a technical team together.

Let's get these repairs underway.

Yes, sir.

Lieutenant La Forge prepare a technical support away team.

Meet me in Transporter Room 3.

Captain, with your permission

I would like to return to the planet.

It could be my last opportunity to study replicative fading.

With your permission, of course, Mr. Prime Minister.

You would be most welcome.

Perhaps you will find a solution that we have overlooked.

Well, I appreciate the compliment but I don't think that's very likely.

And repairing that equipment will certainly not solve your problems.

What other solution do we have?

Doctor, remember, there are only five of us.

Captain's log, supplemental.

Commander Riker and Dr. Pulaski have returned to Mariposa

with a team of Enterprise technicians.

The repairs are almost complete.

I wish there was something more we could do.

Are you sure you won't reconsider?

About the cloning? Yes.

Out of the question.

Excuse me, sir, I was, uh...

I was looking for Commander Riker.

I'm afraid I haven't seen him.

Dr. Pulaski?

Sorry, I can't help you.

Well, I guess I'll just have to hunt for them.

Sorry to disturb you.

Hey, so what happened to you two down on Mariposa?

Is everything all right?

Is there any reason it shouldn't be?

Yeah, every time I asked where you were some clone lied to me.

Lied to you?

Commander, with this, I can see better than your average person.

Now, when someone lies there are certain physiological manifestations-- variations in blush response pupil dilation, pulse, breath rate.

Doesn't always work with aliens, but humans--

I got them nailed.

The clones lied about our whereabouts?

Mm-hmm.

I don't remember anything happening.

I was working in their medical facility and got a call to report to Granger's office.

I ran into Will on the way and...

Now, wait a minute.

Granger said that he hadn't seen either one of you.

Now, did you make it to his office?

I think...

I don't remember.

So, what's the prognosis, Doc?

Geordi, you'll be pleased to know that you're not missing any epithelial cells.

Great.

Will and I, however are.

Meaning?

Although you can clone from any cell in the body the cells lining the stomach are the best choice because they're relatively undifferentiated.

LA FORGE: Where you going?

To their cloning lab.

GRANGER: Stop!

Murderers.

Like hell.

You're a damn thief.

Gentlemen, please.

What else could we do?

We asked for your help and you refused us.

We're desperate! Desperate!

And that gave you the right to assault us?

To rob us at...

We have the right to survive.

Doctor, how desperate is the colony's situation?

Well, they've got two or three generations and then the fading will be terminal.

They're among the walking dead now.

They just haven't been buried.

RIKER: I want the cloning equipment inspected.

Who knows how many other tissue samples were stolen.

We certainly have a right to exercise control over our own bodies.

You'll get no argument from me.

I know the Mariposan culture seems alien even frightening but, really, we do have much in common.

They're human beings fighting for survival.

Would we do any less?

Are you saying we should give them the DNA samples they require?

That's just postponing the inevitable.

If they get an infusion of fresh DNA, in 15 generations they'll just go back to the same problems.

Cloning isn't the answer.

What they need is breeding stock.

The Bringloidi.

Yes.

They have the energy and drive and the clones possess the emotional maturity and the technical knowledge.

They started out together.

It seems only fitting they should end up together.

It's a match made in heaven.

Unfortunately, it will have to be a shotgun wedding.

I'm sorry, Captain, it's out of the question.

You're trying to dump your problems on us.

We have problems of our own.

Don't you understand?

The Bringloidi can help you.

Look at him.

How could we ever integrate that into our society?

You're no prize yourself.

Primitive, hostile, disruptive.

It would require enormous effort to even educate them.

Oh, forget it, Captain Picard.

I'm not going to come in here with my hat in my hand begging charity from this blatherskite.

Now stop!

I will not allow posturing and bigotry to destroy this meeting.

Now, please, sit down.

Now, Commander Riker has asked that your laboratories be inspected for stolen tissue samples and I understand his concern.

We may have to transport all your equipment here to the Enterprise.

I see.

When reason fails, you'll resort to blackmail.

Fine, destroy yourselves.

PULASKI: It's not so bad, Captain.

In 50 years, we'll have a new Class-M planet complete with cities and ready for colonization.

You see, the end is closer than you like to think.

I don't know. There are so many difficulties.

Look, man... we are decent, hard-working people.

We're willing to learn.

They're so different.

It is the differences that have made us strong.

For 300 years, we have denied the carnal side of our nature.

How can we learn to put that aside?

Well... you, you, you put a young couple together and you let nature take its course.

Now, if this is going to work you're going to have to alter your society, too.

Monogamous marriage will not be possible for several generations.

I don't quite understand.

30 couples are enough to create a viable genetic base but the broader the base the healthier, and the safer the society.

So, it would be best if each woman--

Bringloidi and Mariposan-- had at least three children by three different men.

I... I think I could handle that, yes.

Oh, God, it's so...

Frightening?

Repugnant.

So it's a done deal?

And here is my hand on it.

Ho-ho-ho!

Right, well, now let's go and stake out my three women.

Send in the clones.

I must be out of my mind.

Starfleet will probably agree with you.

Ah, excuse me, sir, Captain.

Thank you, sir.

Brenna... Brenna....

Hmm? A word.

( men laughing )

Isn't that just like a man!

You make these grandiose decisions but you never stop to consider the poor women.

Miss Odell, I...

You men draw a mug, and solve all the problems of the world while the beer goes down but when it comes to the practical matters it always falls to the women to make your grand dreams come true.

Miss Odell, you were the one who wanted a new home.

But I don't know if I want to be Eve.

It's your choice.

If you wish, you can stay on the Enterprise.

We will drop you off at a Starbase.

Then you can go where you wish.

Leave my dad?

If this is going to work these people will need your strength.

Your guidance.

Oh, damn.

What does he do again?

Prime Minister.

Sounds important.

Oh, it is.

Sounds like he might have more than two coins to rub together.

Three husbands?

Uh-huh.