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Hollow Pursuits

I don't want any trouble here, Barclay.

Trouble? Why would there be trouble?

Because wherever you go, trouble follows.

Lieutenant Barclay, you're on duty.

Is that a fact?

It is, and you'll observe it.

So get back to your post.

Look, pal, why don't you do me a favor.

Take yourself and your holier-than-thou attitude and get out of my life.

This is insubordination, Mr. Barclay.

Here's to insubordination.

Riker, you're nothing but a pretty mannequin in a fancy uniform.

You're full of hot air.

If Picard has a problem with me you tell him to come and talk to me himself.

I feel your confidence, your arrogant resolve.

It excites me.

CREWMAN: Lieutenant Barclay, report to cargo bay five now.

It'll have to wait till later, darling.

( loudly ): Be right there.

Save program.

I just don't know what to do with him.

The guy's always late.

He never gives his best effort.

Just slides by.

I'm telling you, I can't deal with it anymore.

I mean, how does a guy like that make it through the academy?

I think it's time we spoke to the captain about Broccoli.

That's what Wesley calls him.

You keep that to yourself.

Well, it fits.

Commander, a broken seal.

Well, you better destroy it.

Those samples will be tainted.

LA FORGE: Hey!

Is it a problem for you to report to duty on time, Lieutenant?

No... no, sir.

I'm ... I'm very, very sorry, sir.

It's just that I had a... a very important communiqué, which required my immediate response.

I don't want to hear it.

Now, we're having an intermittent problem with this antigrav unit.

I want you to see what you can do.

Mr. Barclay, I'm tired of seeing your name on report.

I don't know what you got away with at your last posting, but this is the Enterprise.

We set a different standard here.

Understood?

Understood, sir.

PICARD: Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission--

to explore strange new worlds...

to seek out new life

and new civilizations...

to boldly go where no one has gone before.

♪♪

Captain's log, Stardate 43807.4.

We're taking on a load of special tissue samples

donated by the Mikulaks for shipment to Nahmi IV.

The samples could prove vital to the containment

of an outbreak of correllium fever on that world.

Everything... everything looks... looks normal to me.

Mm-hmm.

LA FORGE: Computer, activate antigrav unit.

Damn it.

I... I don't understand.

La Forge to engineering.

I'll need more people in cargo bay five.

Anyone you can spare.

La Forge out.

We could use a hand,

Mr. Barclay.

Uh, I'll disassemble it later, Commander.

It shouldn't do that.

Well, I mean... I mean, of course, it shouldn't do that.

Uh, well, I... I mean... it shouldn't do that.

I'm just not accustomed to seeing an unsatisfactory rating on a member of my crew.

I guess the question is whether Mr. Barclay is Enterprise material.

And I assume by your request for his transfer that you think he's not, Commander.

Well, I hate to say it, but...

I always thought I could work with anybody but I just don't understand this guy.

Broccoli makes me nervous, Captain.

He makes everybody nervous.

Broccoli?

Young Mr. Crusher started that.

I guess it's caught on.

Let's just get that "uncaught," shall we?

There's every indication that he's served competently in Starfleet for years.

Ratings aboard the Zhukov were satisfactory.

In fact, I recall Captain Gleason speaking quite highly of him before his transfer.

In retrospect, I wonder if Captain Gleason wasn't buttering our bread a little.

He knew that we needed a diagnostic engineer.

I've examined Barclay's psychological profile.

He has a history of seclusive tendencies.

It was noted at the academy more than once.

And yet, he chose this way of life.

He has made the same commitment to Starfleet that we all have.

( sighs )

It's easy to transfer a problem to someone else.

Too easy.

Captain, it's not like I haven't tried.

Try harder, Geordi.

He's a member of your team.

Try to find some way to help him to make a positive contribution.

Get to know the man better.

Make him your best friend.

With all due respect, sir, "my best friend"?

I can barely tolerate being in the same room with the man.

I suggest you put your personal discomfort on one side, Commander.

Dismissed.

Yes, sir.

( sighs )

Hey, Reg.

How, uh... how's it going?

Oh, uh, it's...

I... I still haven't traced down the problem, Commander.

It's all right.

There's no problem.

I've... I've been planning to run diagnostics on the graviton inverter's circuits.

Smart plan.

I'd say we're in good hands here.

Well, I'll see you get a preliminary report...

Whenever.

Before the end of the day.

Fine. Fine.

Oh... say, Reg, how about sitting in on the mission briefing with my senior officers in the morning?

Th-the briefing? Me?

I'd like your input.

What on?

I mean, do... do you want me to prepare...

No, no, just be there.

0800 hours.

I'll... I'll be on time, sir.

Good. Good.

Carry on.

Morning.

Start your brains, gentlemen and let's do it.

Has anybody seen Lieutenant Barclay?

Not yet, sir.

( sighs )

Okay.

( panting )

Okay.

This trip to Nahmi IV is pretty routine so we'll have plenty of time to realign the magnetic capacitors of both the matter and anti-matter injectors.

Duffy, Costa, that'll be your assignment.

We probably ought to do the flow regulator maintenance at the same time, Commander.

That's a good idea.

Ensign Crusher will be putting in some hours with us this week as part of his training duties.

So, I'll be assigning him to assist you, Mr. Myers.

Be sure and teach him the difference between impulse and warp drive, please.

( chuckling )

Lieutenant Barclay has been working on the mystery of the antigrav failure we had yesterday.

Your preliminary report had a couple of interesting theories, Reg.

Why don't you bring us all up to speed on your findings so far.

Yes.

It... it wasn't a maintenance problem.

Every-everything checked out.

I'm... I'm going to look for a surge in the transfer coils...

Oh, a coil surge wouldn't have resulted in field dissipation.

I-I... I realize that.

But we shouldn't ignore the possibilities, Wes.

You ought to check the flow capacitor.

A breakdown of that could have caused a chain collapse of the antigrav fields.

I... I was going to.

Good.

Okay, then, let's, uh... take a look at that realignment procedure.

Gentlemen.

DUFFY: Yeah, the bipolar flux device was...

COSTA: Commander...

I just didn't know what to say.

What do you wish you had said?

I should have told him to mind his own damn business.

I knew about the flux capacitor but I didn't need to hear about it from some 17-year-old kid.

You're letting this get you much too upset.

You think so?

Why are you so hard on yourself?

You don't know.

It's hard out there.

I understand, but let go of it.

You're here now.

You're right, of course.

Of course.

Let me help you relax.

I'd like that.

I knew you would.

Mmm, that's nice...

But... I'm in the mood for someplace a little more... unusual.

Computer, run Barclay program 15.

I am the goddess of empathy.

Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love, truth, joy.

But I thought that's the point of the briefing-- to discuss different approaches...

It's not that you did anything wrong, Wes.

It's just that Barclay's...

Well, he's my new project.

Yeah, Broccoli's a real project, all right.

I just need to draw him out some more.

And I shut him down.

Poor Broccoli.

Pardon me.

But why is Lieutenant Barclay being referred to clandestinely as a vegetable?

It's a joke, Data.

You know, a nickname?

Nicknames generally denote fondness.

A diminutive shared between friends.

Data's absolutely right.

The nickname stops here and now.

Captain's orders.

What..? What the hell..?

What happened to your glass?

( tricorder beeping )

Nucleosynthesis.

The structure of the glass has been altered at the atomic level.

Problem with the replicator?

Unlikely.

A problem with the replicator would have effected the contents as well as the glass but the liquid in the glass was a synthehol replication of a light ale of earth origin which is, I believe, what Lieutenant Duffy ordered.

Well, I can't detect any residual radiation or any unusual chemical compounds that would have caused this.

The most probable explanation is that the glass came into contact with an unshielded power source.

Ugh... that means a complete diagnostic check of the Enterprise power systems-- all 4,000 of them.

But do I have the perfect man for the job.

Hey, Reg.

You busy?

I-I was just...

Uh, no.

Not really. Why?

Got another mystery for you.

Somehow the molecular structure of this cup from Ten-Forward has been altered.

We need to run through the power systems to see if there's a leak that caused this.

I had, uh...

I was going to do that.

You were?

Yes, to try to explain the antigrav unit failure.

I still can't.

Nothing about it makes sense.

Then it is possible that these two very disparate incidents could be related.

I wouldn't bother you with something this minor, Commander but it may be a symptom of a more serious problem.

Do you think we'll need to put in to a starbase?

We'll have a better idea after Mr. Barclay runs a check on the power systems.

It was Lieutenant Barclay who first suggested a link between the two incidents.

What?

No, it wasn't. I mean, not really.

Will your investigation affect our available power during the mission?

No... no, sir.

We'll have to shut off some systems.

We'll, uh... shut them down a few at a time.

It shouldn't...

I don't think so.

Good.

I'll look forward to your report, Mr. Broccoli.

Barclay.

If you will excuse me.

Metathesis is one of the most common of pronunciation errors, sir.

A reversal of vowel and consonant.

"Barc" to "Broc"...

Yes, I know him.

He comes in. He stands at the bar.

He doesn't say much.

He orders a warm milk.

( chuckles ): Figures.

Warm milk helps you sleep, La Forge.

You should try it.

What's this have to do with Barclay?

I don't know.

I'm just trying to figure the man out.

Do you ever talk to him?

He doesn't talk much.

Does he have any friends?

Not that I've seen.

( sighs )

What do you do with a guy like that?

Well, I just serve him warm milk and let him be.

Yeah, well, I'm not so lucky.

I can't let him be.

He's my problem.

Hmm.

Well, he's... imaginative.

How do you know that?

I know.

Well, then maybe he's in the wrong line of work.

Hmm.

You engineering types don't appreciate imagination?

That's not it, Guinan.

He just doesn't fit in here.

Oh.

Terkim.

What?

Reminds me of Terkim.

My mother's brother.

Sort of the family misfit.

Everybody told me to stay away from him.

Bad influence.

Did you?

Are you kidding?

He was the only member of my family who had a sense of humor.

Except no one ever stayed around him long enough to realize it but me.

My mother tells me I remind her of him, and I probably do.

The idea of fitting in just... repels me.

Maybe I'm not making myself clear, Guinan.

Barclay-- well, he's always late.

The man's nervous.

Nobody wants to be around this guy.

If I felt that nobody wanted to be around me

I'd probably be late and nervous, too.

Guinan, that's not the point.

Are you sure?

Excuse me.

Computer, where is Lieutenant Barclay?

( birds singing )

( holodeck doors close )

Reg?

Beverly?

Good morning, milord.

Manners, my son, manners.

You embarrass me before our guest.

Master Barclay will spank you if you misbehave.

Wesley?

What do you want?

Well, I guess I want Master Barclay.

The boys got into another little scrap, I'm afraid but boys will be boys.

( swords clashing, men grunting )

You cannot withstand our assault forever, Barclay.

Ah!

Ha!

DATA: You are outnumbered, Mr. Barclay.

Say you will yield, and it ends here.

I shall speak with my sword, sir.

Ha!

In God's name where did you learn to fight like this?

Self-taught, my Capitaine.

Shall I give you a few lessons?

PICARD: Who is that?

One of your allies?

Oh, Jean-Luc not that old trick.

I'm very disappointed in you.

( clears throat )

I'll make it easy for you, Commander.

I will request a reassignment.

Now, wait... Look, we both know--

The whole ship knows...

I... I just can't cut it here.

Hey, Barclay

I've spent a few hours on the holodeck, too, you know.

Now, as far as I'm concerned what you do in the holodeck is your own business as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

So you're... you're not going to tell anyone about this?

I don't think everybody would appreciate your imagination like I do.

It is kind of unusual recreating people you already know.

Well, it was just...

I needed to blow off some steam because one... one of the officers had been getting on my back.

Let me guess.

( laughs )

It was you.

And I just couldn't tell you what I wanted to tell you to your face so it just sort of got out of control.

I don't know, there's a part of this that's kind of therapeutic.

Maybe you ought to talk to Counselor Troi about it.

It's, it's... I'm ... when I'm in there, I'm just more comfortable.

You don't know what a struggle this has been for me, Commander.

Well, I'd like to help if I can.

Being afraid all of the time of forgetting somebody's name not... not knowing what to do with your hands.

I mean, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there's a party.

And then when he finally gets there he winds up alone, in the corner trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant.

You're just shy, Barclay.

"Just shy." sounds like nothing serious, doesn't it?

You can't know.

O'Brien to La Forge.

Go ahead.

I need you in transporter room three, Commander.

On my way, Chief.

Listen, Reg.

I really do want you to talk to Counselor Troi.

Troi?

No, no, no, no, no. I... I couldn't.

I mean it.

As your friend and as your commanding officer.

I was synchronizing the phase transition coils.

I didn't do anything I haven't done 100 times before.

The test object is made of pure duranium.

Seems normal enough to me.

Watch this.

Glad I don't have anywhere to go.

LA FORGE: Chief Engineer's log, Stardate 43808.2.

A systems analysis of transporter room three

has yielded no suggestion of a cause

for the latest malfunction aboard the Enterprise.

This part of the same pattern?

We don't know, sir.

And we don't know why only transporter room three is affected.

None of the other transporter rooms are malfunctioning.

Yet.

We reach Nahmi IV in 22 hours.

We'll want all transporters operational by then.

I want a level-1 diagnostic across the board.

Advise Mr. Barclay to join us on the bridge immediately.

Oh, can we make that 1400 hours, sir?

I've got him working on something.

1400 hours.

Mr. O'brien, no maintenance on the transporter until further notice.

Aye, sir.

I know this is difficult for you.

Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?

No.

Have you ever been with a counselor before?

Yes... no.

Which one?

Yes, but she, uh...

It-it wasn't... it wasn't really a counselor.

Most people find a counselor intimidating at first.

It's okay if you feel that way toward me.

Not... at all.

Good.

Now, lean back, close your eyes...

Why?

I want to make you more comfortable.

You do?

Yes.

It's okay.

Close your eyes.

What are you going to do?

Just listen to the sound of my voice.

Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose...

... and let it out through your mouth just as slowly.

That's better, isn't it?

Much better.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, that's... that's much better.

That... that... that is extremely helpful.

Thank you for your time.

But... Really, that's very helpful.

In through the nose out through the mouth.

I'm going to practice that and I'll-I'll let you know.

Thank you again.

Whoa...oh

I had a very strange visit from one of your officers today.

Barclay?

Yeah, I can imagine.

Were you able to do anything for him?

To be honest I'm not sure what happened.

Where is Mr. Barclay?

It's past 1400 hours.

Lieutenant Barclay, report to the bridge.

Lieutenant Barclay, report.

Computer, locate Lieutenant Barclay.

COMPUTER: Lieutenant Barclay is in holodeck two.

( sighs ): I'll get him.

No, I'll handle this.

I've had it with him.

Counselor, you'd better come along.

I think you should know

Barclay's been running some unique programs.

I don't care what he's been running.

I just ran out of patience.

( birds singing )

( men laughing in the distance )

( holodeck door closes )

PICARD: ...before our swords.

MEN: Hear, hear.

( laughter )

PICARD: I hope she was worth the effort.

GEORDIE: Oh. Show us how you did it.

DATA: Like this!

Ah!

Like I said, Commander

Barclay's been running some unusual programs.

This is a violation of protocol.

Crewmembers should not be simulated in the holodeck.

LA FORGE: Commander, I don't think there's any regulation against...

Well, there ought to be.

Computer, discontinue program and erase.

Computer, belay that order.

Counselor?

If Barclay is having difficulty facing reality to suddenly destroy his only means of escape would be brutal and could do considerable damage.

They are quite disagreeable, aren't they?

Mmm.

Shall we... have at them?

Delighted!

GEORDIE: We shall thrash them.

En garde!

Stop it.

Put that down.

Your sword, sir.

I don't have a sword.

How do you expect to fight without your sword, sir?

I don't expect to fight.

Ha!

Do I detect a streak of yellow along the good fellow's back?

( laughing )

Perhaps we should supply a more appropriate adversary for him.

GEORDIE: Aha, indeed.

Number one?

Number one!

RIKER: Here I come.

Am I late?

Did I miss the fight?

En garde!

You, sir, you have a familiar bearing.

Is it possible our swords have crossed somewhere before?

Where is he?

Where's Barclay?

Aha! A personal grudge.

I warn you, it would be wise for you to put your affairs in final order before you meet him in combat.

You challenge the greatest sword...

In all the holodeck.

( stifles laughter )

You think this is funny?

You are very tall.

It might be threatening to some people.

Mr. Barclay will find out what it means to be threatened.

Computer, discontinue image of Riker.

Sir!

You have no sense of fair play.

Just tell us where to find Barclay.

You want us to search through all this to find him?

It could provide us with valuable information about what's troubling him.

You know, there's nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy life as long as you don't let it take over.

You call this healthy?

You're taking it so seriously.

It's not without its element of humor.

I am the goddess of empathy.

Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love truth, joy.

Oh... my... God.

Discard your facades and reveal your true being to me.

Computer, discontinue...

Computer, belay that order.

We want to get more insight into what's been troubling this poor man, remember?

Quite a healthy fantasy life wouldn't you say?

Mmm.

( rumbling )

( console beeping )

Report.

WORF: Sir, our velocity increased to warp 7.25.

Compensating, sir.

Confirmed.

Velocity now warp seven.

Maintain that.

What the hell happened?

The matter/anti-matter injectors locked for a split second.

I am not certain why, sir.

They appear to be working normally now.

Picard to La Forge.

LA FORGE: Go ahead, Captain.

Commander, any explanation for this injector problem?

Well, um, I'm not in engineering, sir.

I'm in holodeck two.

PICARD: Another malfunction?

Not exactly, but I'll return to engineering immediately, sir.

Yes, I should say that you should, Commander.

Your holodeck activities can wait until later.

And, Commander...

Yes, sir.

It would be wise to consult Lieutenant Barclay on this latest incident.

I'd like to very much, Captain.

La Forge out.

We need to find Barclay now.

Cast aside your masks and let me slip into your minds.

Muzzle it.

( loud snoring )

Shh.

We have a lot to talk about, Mr. Barclay.

Commander, Barclay and I had better get to engineering.

Dismissed.

I just couldn't keep my eyes open.

I'd worked 12 hours on the power systems and then... then the transporter went down.

Reg, you had a chance to get some help from the real Counselor Troi but, instead, you went back in there.

I know. I didn't want to.

I just couldn't help myself.

You're going to be able to write the book on holodiction.

Look, I know how easy it is to get caught up in it.

I fell in love in there once.

Really? But I knew when it was time to turn it off and say good-bye.

It wasn't easy, but I did it.

You know, the people that I create in there are more real to me than anyone I meet out here.

Except... maybe you, Commander.

I need you out here, Reg.

Now more than ever.

Huh?

The injectors aren't responding to the diagnostic commands.

I think we should drop out of warp.

La Forge to bridge.

Go ahead, Commander.

Recommend we go to impulse power, Captain.

Take us out of warp.

Controls are not responding, sir.

It's the injectors.

Override.

It's not a computer problem.

The mechanism is physically jammed.

I can't clear it.

Speed increasing, sir.

Warp 7.6.

7.65.

Warp 7.7.

We can't shut it down, Captain.

Anti-matter flow is... increasing.

She's accelerating out of control.

There's nothing I can do.

Approaching warp nine, sir.

Red alert.

Estimated time to structural failure?

At this rate of acceleration-- 15 minutes, 40 seconds, sir.

Did you copy that, Geordi?

Aye, Commander.

Recommendations?

I'll let you know as soon as we have some.

La Forge out.

Okay, this ship is going to start tearing itself apart in 15 minutes.

I want every idea on the table, I don't care how outrageous.

What about attempting a magnetic quench on the fusion pre-burners?

No, I already tried that.

The magnetic fields won't reset.

Could the fuel inlet servos be caught in cycle?

If they were, the swirl dampers would be frozen, too, and they aren't.

Nothing showed up in the diagnostic sweep, at all?

The tests showed there were proble...

I mean, there were no problems with the fl-flow... the flow of the...

There's nothing wrong with the computer control protocols or the power transfer systems.

As far as we can determine the injectors are just physically jammed.

Injectors freeze, antigrav unit goes down transporter malfunctions...

And a twisted glass.

What's the connection?

( rumbling )

Exceeding warp 9.4.

Begin evacuation of secondary hull.

Prepare for emergency saucer separation.

Standing by to release docking clamps.

Re-route systems to primary hull power sources.

The plasma flow to the nacelles is uneven due to injector lock.

An emergency saucer separation could rupture the warp field.

( rumbling )

( console beeping insistently )

12 minutes to structural failure, sir.

None of the systems involved interact directly with each other.

I don't see anything in common.

Wh-what if... what if... what if one of us is the connection?

Us? How?

I don't know.

But we're looking for a systemic explanation and there isn't one.

I mean, we work with all of the systems that are affected.

What if... what if we're transmitting something ourselves... by touching it, or something?

The computer would have picked up anything dangerous.

But... if it were something, something that we couldn't scan you might have passed it on to the injectors when you were re-aligning the magnetic capacitors.

It was your glass, Duffy, and both of you were present in the cargo bay when the antigrav failed.

Well, so was O'Brien.

The transporter malfunction-- that's a connection, too.

( alarm beeps loudly ) COMPUTER: Danger!

Approaching safety limits of engine containment field.

Computer, list all physical substances that wouldn't normally be picked up by an internal scan.

There are 15,525 known substances that cannot be detected by standard scans.

Great, and how many of those can exist in an oxygen atmosphere?

Five hundred thirty-two.

And could alter molecular structure when it comes in contact with... with glass?

Five.

On screen at this station.

Duffy.

BARCLAY: Jakmanite has a half-life of 15 seconds.

There wouldn't be enough time to spread it around the ship. Right.

Selgninaem and lucrovexitrin are highly toxic.

Yeah, we'd all be dead by now.

That leaves... saltzgadum and invidium.

Neither of which has been used for decades.

But could either one of them cause all these malfunctions?

Most of the affected systems weren't even invented when those substances were in use.

Who knows what could happen with a transporter or a magnetic capacitor.

Wait a minute, wasn't invidium used in medical containment fields?

Not for over a century.

The Mikulaks might still be using it.

And one of those canisters was broken.

La Forge to bridge.

We have a working theory, Captain.

There's a good possibility we picked up some invidium from a broken canister in the cargo bay and have been spreading it around the ship.

Working theories are fine, Geordi but we need a working solution in about five minutes.

Understood, Commander.

We're on our way to cargo bay five for confirmation.

Nothing on the tricorder.

( alarm beeps loudly )

COMPUTER: Danger.

Exceeding safety limits of engine containment field.

At current acceleration structural failure will occur in three minutes, 30 seconds.

If it's in there, it should show up on one of the polarity channels.

There it is.

Duffy and O'Brien picked up the broken canister and became contaminated.

If we can get it-- the invidium-- down to minus 200 degrees celsius, it'll become inert.

La Forge to bridge.

Invidium has been confirmed.

Recommend we flood the injector pathway conduit with gaseous cryonetrium.

That ought to neutralize it.

The question is, will the injectors come back on-line?

They sustained considerable damage, Captain.

I can't guarantee that we'll be able to regain control.

We don't have much choice, do we?

No, sir.

Make it so.

DUFFY: Route primary coupling through starboard transfer conduit.

Routing.

Ready for engine core injection.

COMPUTER: At current acceleration structural failure will occur in 45 seconds.

Injector conduit temperature minus 100 degrees celsius.

Transfer injector control to manual.

Ready, sir.

Temperature now minus 190 degrees.

Minus 200 degrees, sir.

Injector status?

Matter injector is on-line.

Anti-matter injector... still locked.

( alarm beeps loudly )

COMPUTER: At current acceleration structural failure will occur in 30 seconds.

Cycle power through ventral relay.

Anti-matter injector... on-line.

Reducing flow capacity.

Commencing warp engine shutdown, sir.

Stand down from red alert.

Nice work, Geordi.

Mr. Barclay and I thank you, sir.

RIKER: Acknowledged.

The ship has been seriously contaminated with invidium, sir.

Recommend we set a course for Starbase 121 for a complete systems- and bio-decontamination.

Understood. Picard out.

Glad you were with us out here in the real world today, Mr. Barclay.

It has been most difficult to reach this decision to leave you but after thinking about it and discussing it at length with...

Counselor Troi

I think it's for the best.

I just wanted to thank you all for your support.

You'll always be welcome here, Reg.

I know.

That's why it's so difficult to leave.

It was a pleasure to serve with you, Mr. Barclay.

Good luck, Reg.

It's been fun.

Computer.

End program.

( computer beeps )

Erase all programs filed under Reginald Barclay.

( computer beeps )

Except program nine.

( computer beeps )

♪♪