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Data's Day

DATA: Second Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 44390.1.

Record entry for transmission to Commander Bruce Maddox

Cybernetics Division, Daystrom Institute.

Dear Commander Maddox

in reference to your most recent letter

I agree that your study lacks sufficient primary source

information on my programming and operation.

Therefore, in response to your request, this correspondence

will include a complete record

of my activities during a normal day

with particular emphasis on my perceptions of friendship.

Commander Riker, you are 15 minutes early.

Well, it's a very special day.

I thought the father of the bride would enjoy being relieved early on the wedding day.

Thank you, sir.

Nervous?

I cannot become nervous, sir.

However, I do sense a certain... anticipation regarding my role in the wedding.

Anything to report?

All systems are normal, sir.

Sick Bay reports that Lieutenant Juarez went into labor at 0400.

We remain at station awaiting the arrival of Starship Zhukov and guest quarters have been prepared for Ambassador T'Pel.

Thank you.

I have the Bridge.

Aye, sir.

Begin day watch.

DATA: Initially, Commander Maddox

I found it difficult to maintain friendships

since human emotions are often puzzling to me.

Eventually, I developed a program

enabling me to predict human emotional responses

to specific actions.

( door chimes )

Come in.

It is time for the wedding rehearsal.

I know.

Data, I've decided not to go through with it.

You do not wish to rehearse?

No, I'm calling off the wedding.

May I ask why?

It's just the right thing to do.

Have your feelings for Chief O'Brien changed?

I'm supposed to be getting married, Data.

I should be happy, but I'm not.

I just feel this weight pressing down on me.

Will canceling the wedding make you happy?

Yes.

He'll probably be just as relieved as I am.

Data you introduced us to each other.

You mean a lot to both of us.

I would really appreciate it if you would talk to Miles for me.

If you wish.

My friend Chief O'Brien often says

that above all else, he wants to make Keiko happy.

Since canceling the wedding will make her happy

I must conclude the Chief will be pleased at her decision.

I have good news.

Oh?

Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness.

She has canceled the wedding.

She what?

Canceled the wedding?!

Today?

Without even a word?

Of all the childish, selfish, irresponsible things to do!

Next time, maybe I should deliver the good news.

Commander Maddox, it would appear that my program

designed to predict emotional responses needs... adjustment.

Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission--

to explore strange new worlds

to seek out new life and new civilizations

to boldly go where no one has gone before.

DATA: Second Officer's Personal Log, supplemental.

This is the 1,550th day

since the Enterprise was commissioned.

Besides the arrival of Ambassador T'Pel

other events occurring today

include four birthdays, two personal transfers

a celebration of the Hindu Festival of Lights

two chess tournaments, one secondary school play

and four promotions.

Overall, an ordinary day.

The Zhukov is ready for transport, sir.

Energize.

Welcome aboard the Enterprise, Ambassador.

I would meet with your Captain.

Since I am not affected by emotional considerations

I am closer to being Vulcan than human.

However, while their devotion to logic

does have a certain appeal

I find their stark philosophy to be somewhat... limited.

( door chimes )

Come.

Ambassador T'Pel.

I come to serve.

Your service honors us.

This is my First Officer, Commander William Riker.

Leave us, please.

Charming woman.

The tone of Commander Riker's voice

makes me suspect that he is not serious

about finding Ambassador T'Pel charming.

My experience suggests that, in fact, he may mean

the exact opposite of what he says.

Irony is a form of expression

I have not yet been able to master.

You don't need a haircut.

You were just in here last week.

Hey, if you'd done it right the first time

I wouldn't need to be back here so soon.

( chuckles ): I know you want to look beautiful but I'm just a barber, not a miracle worker.

Just try to keep my ears on straight today, all right?

Friendly insults and jibes--

another form of human speech that I am attempting to master.

In this case, with the help of Commander Geordi La Forge.

Hi, Data.

I consider Geordi to be my best friend.

Here for a trim?

My hair does not require trimming, you lunkhead.

What?

My hair does not require trimming...

Lunkhead?

I am experimenting with friendly jibes and insults.

It was not meant as a serious disparagement.

( chuckles )

Well... just don't try it on the Captain.

No.

Geordi, I am still confused by Chief O'Brien's reaction this morning.

Mm, yeah.

He was just surprised, Data.

He didn't mean to blow up like that.

He knows that Keiko probably doesn't want to call off the marriage.

She's just getting cold feet.

( instrument humming )

Cold feet?

Jitters.

A nervous reaction to an impending event of great importance.

Right. Don't worry.

Everything's going to be fine.

She'll change her mind again.

She will?

Absolutely.

So, you believe that the marriage will still proceed?

Trust me.

They're going to get married, so you'd better find a gift.

I find Lieutenant Worf

to be what is called a kindred spirit.

We were both orphans rescued by Starfleet officers.

In many ways, we are both still outsiders in human society.

Are you here to find a wedding gift? Yes.

I would appreciate your help in selecting an appropriate item.

Of course.

I have attended human weddings before.

WORF: Hold.

DATA: This is a traditional gift?

Yes, my adoptive parents often give these... things at family weddings.

A human custom.

WORF: Hold.

It is my understanding that the item selected should reflect the personality of whoever is giving it.

This does not remind me of you.

Have you ever been an actual participant in a human wedding?

No.

You would not consider it to be an honor?

An honor, perhaps but human bonding rituals often involve a great deal of talking and dancing and... crying.

Dancing?

I am rarely in need

of Dr. Beverly Crusher's professional services

as my biomechanical maintenance program

is self-sufficient

but I often observe as she practices medicine on others

and have learned a great deal

about human interaction from her.

Doctor, may I ask a favor of you?

Of course, Data.

Would you teach me to dance?

What?!

I would like to learn how to dance.

Why me?

It was in your service record--

"Awarded first prize, tap and jazz competition, St. Louis..."

Okay, okay.

Have I said something to upset you?

It's just that... that was a long time ago and I don't want to be known as "The Dancing Doctor..." again.

Then your answer is no.

All right, but... let's keep this between you and me.

Of course, Doctor.

PICARD: Commander Data, please report to the Bridge.

Acknowledged.

( door opens )

Data, I want a tactical projection of possible

Romulan deployments along the Neutral Zone.

Access all Federation records on the subject and report to my ready room.

Captain, is there a specific area you wish me to study?

No. Ambassador.

Number One, set a course 130 mark 246, warp seven.

That will take us very close to the Neutral Zone, Captain.

I'm aware of that, Number One. Proceed.

Lay in the course.

It is fortunate that I am able to perform my duties

without emotional distractions.

If that were not the case

a sudden course correction toward the Neutral Zone

would make me very... nervous.

Mr. Data, based on your analysis what is the current Romulan strategy behind the deployment of their ships in this sector?

Their ships are deployed to support a policy of confrontation designed to test

Federation defenses along the Neutral Zone.

Do you predict any change in the near future?

I predict a 90% probability that they will continue to support that policy.

And is there any indication of a more conciliatory attitude on their part?

No, sir.

Caution is clearly called for, Captain.

However, the mission must proceed as planned.

Starfleet Command agrees with you but I would feel better if you would consent to an escort or a...

Thank you, Mr. Data.

Feline supplement... 74.

( meowing )

( beeping )

( meows )

Computer, run fluidic sensor diagnostic.

COMPUTER: Diagnostic complete.

All systems functioning within normal parameters.

( door chimes )

Come in.

Am I intruding, Commander?

No.

Would you care to sit down?

When one of my friends is distraught, I have learned

that the thoughtful thing to do

is to attempt to make him feel more comfortable.

May I offer you some refreshment, Chief?

No, thank you, sir.

First of all, I'd like to apologize for this morning in Ten-Forward.

There is no need to apologize.

I was not offended.

Would you like a pillow or a more comfortable chair to sit upon?

No, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Perhaps you would like some music?

Brahms? Aurelia?

No, really, sir, I'm fine.

I came to ask for your help.

It's about Keiko.

I'd like you to talk to her-- convince her to go through with the wedding.

Would Counselor Troi not be a more appropriate choice to speak with Keiko?

She already has.

Didn't help.

You've known her longer than I have.

I just thought she might listen to you.

She won't even talk to me.

I do not know what to say to her.

Just talk with her-- make her see reason.

She's going off half-cocked, not thinking this through.

You've worked with her for a long time.

She respects your opinion.

Perhaps...

Perhaps she has not fully analyzed her decision.

I will try.

Thank you, sir.

I won't forget this.

Commander Maddox, I noted that Keiko

was quite calm and rational

when she informed me of her decision this morning.

Therefore, I can predict that she will respond

to an objective analysis of the situation

based on the available facts.

It is fortunate that she has not

let emotional considerations cloud her judgment.

It should make my task much simpler.

What?

I believe you have made an incorrect analysis of the facts at hand.

What do you mean?

You do not seem happy.

Well...

Your decision was based on the assumption that canceling the wedding would make you happy.

This has proven to be incorrect.

Data, it's not that simple.

Since your actions did not produce the desired result the only advisable solution would be to reexamine your decision-making process and look for errors.

I knew what I was doing.

It's my decision.

That fact is not in dispute.

However, you may have acted with undue haste and in doing so, unintentionally hurt Chief O'Brien's feelings.

I did what I had to!

Why are you doing this?

I thought you were my friend.

I am your friend.

Then leave me alone.

If I have offended...

Just leave me alone!

It is clear that I need guidance

to resolve this situation.

Counselor Troi's advice should be useful.

In many ways, Deanna Troi

is the friend I understand the least.

Her life and her duties are predicated

on her understanding and perception of emotions.

Since I have none, no doubt she finds me

as much a mystery as I find her.

Chief O'Brien talks to me.

Keiko talks to you.

Why do they not talk to each other?

That's a good question, Data.

I wish I had a good answer for you.

Perhaps, when they're ready, they will.

Hmm.

Many aspects of this situation are puzzling to me.

I have been studying various texts on the subject of marriage but I have not found a suitable guide.

A suitable guide for what?

In an effort to be helpful, I am attempting to calculate the variables involved in a successful marriage.

Good luck.

There are many opinions.

On Galvin V, a marriage is considered successful only if children are produced within a year of the marriage.

Andorian marriages require groups of four, unless...

Data, would you like my advice on how to help them?

Don't.

This is something they have to work out for themselves.

But... I am their friend.

Should I not stand with them in a time of difficulty?

There are many ways to help a friend and sometimes the best way is to leave them alone.

Do you believe it to be the correct decision for them to marry?

I don't know.

They're very much in love, but sometimes that isn't enough.

Marriage is an agreement to share who you are with someone else to spend your lives together, to grow old together.

"To grow old together"?

That is an integral component of marriage?

Usually. Why do you ask?

Although I am an android

I have not excluded the possibility that I, too, may someday marry.

Data, I had no idea you'd thought about getting married.

I believe I have much to offer a potential mate however, we cannot grow old together because...

I will not grow old.

Data... you do have a lot to offer.

Commander Data, this is Ambassador T'Pel.

Please report to my quarters.

Acknowledged.

( door chimes )

Enter.

You have priority three clearance aboard the Enterprise?

That is correct, Ambassador.

I require information on the ship's defense and navigational systems.

Access code kappa alpha 4601704.

The code is valid.

What is the field strength of this ship's deflector shields at maximum output?

May I ask the purpose of your request?

I require this information.

I have the same safeguards as the ship's computer.

Therefore, I must report any inquiry regarding restricted information to the Captain.

Your reaction suggests you do not wish the Captain to be informed of your inquiry.

I was not interested in the information.

I was curious as to your security safeguards.

They appear to be adequate.

Cancel the request.

You may leave.

Commander Maddox, I have often wished for the sense

that humans call intuition or instinct.

Since Vulcans are incapable of lying

I must accept the Ambassador's explanation as the truth

but I would still prefer a "gut feeling"

to back up this conclusion.

COMPUTER: Program Crusher four in progress.

Hi, Data.

( shoes tapping )

Well, what do you think?

It is a re-creation of the studio

I had my first dance lesson in.

It appears to be quite suitable, Doctor.

Let's start with something simple.

Stomp... hop.

Try it.

( shoes tapping )

Again.

Good.

Good!

Am I dancing, Doctor?

Not quite.

Stop, Data.

Now try this.

Doctor, perhaps it would be beneficial to teach me the final lesson.

Okay.

( complicated tap rhythm )

That's great.

Watch.

Good.

Triples.

Watch.

Stop, Data.

And you say you've never done this before?

Try this.

( rapid tap rhythm )

Stop, Data!

Not bad.

Yeah, not bad.

Then I have successfully learned to dance?

I'd say you've picked up the basics.

Thank you, Doctor.

I am now prepared to dance at the wedding.

Wedding?

Keiko's wedding.

Data, you never told me this was for the wedding.

Is that important?

Well, yes.

They don't do a lot of tap dancing at weddings.

Why?

Well, Data, because...

I don't really know why, Data.

Look, why don't I just teach you a style of dancing that they will do at the wedding.

Computer, run...

"Isn't It Romantic?"

( music starts )

Now, compared to what we've just done this will be simple.

Just look up and follow me.

One, two, ready and...

No, Data, wait a minute.

Ow! No, no, you're just moving... move slowly.

Ow! Ow! Stop music!

Sorry, Doctor.

I don't understand, Data.

You picked up the tap dancing so quickly.

I cannot reproduce your performance if I cannot see your feet.

All right.

Well, let's try it again and this time, watch my feet.

Computer, start music.

( music starts ) And...

Now, don't just imitate me.

You've got to lead.

Lead where, Doctor?

Well, indicate to your partner where you want her to step.

And how is that accomplished?

I'll show you.

I'll lead.

Now you'll notice that I don't just repeat the same pattern over and over.

I improvise.

Now you lead.

That's good.

Now look up, Data.

Look into my eyes.

You're holding me too tight.

This is a very complex set of variables to coordinate, Doctor.

You are doing fine.

Now, smile.

Act like you're enjoying yourself.

NURSE: Dr. Crusher, please report to Sick Bay.

Is it Lieutenant Juarez?

Yes, Doctor, her contractions are now one minute apart.

I'm on my way.

Why don't you, uh... program up an artificial dance partner?

And don't be afraid to experiment.

I will.

Thank you, Doctor.

Computer, create dance partner-- female.

Begin music.

( music starts )

RIKER: Then just as the headsman swings the axe and the blade is...

Commander Riker's easygoing manner

and sense of humor is fascinating to me.

I believe it to be one reason

he is so popular among the crew.

It may also be partly responsible

for his success in matters of love.

There may be a correlation between humor and sex.

The need for more research is clearly indicated.

( console beeping )

Commander.

Picard to the Bridge.

All stop.

Aye, sir.

DATA: Sir, we have reached the designated coordinates.

Hold this position.

Long range scan.

Captain, I am detecting a ship in the Neutral Zone.

Configuration...

Romulan warbird.

Yellow Alert.

Hail the warbird, Mr. Worf.

Aye, sir.

They are responding.

Text only.

We are to proceed to the agreed coordinates.

Set course 037 mark 005, warp four.

Take us into the Neutral Zone, Ensign.

Captain, the warbird is holding position.

In three minutes, we will be within phaser range.

Red Alert.

( alarm blaring )

I trust my crew, Ambassador.

They will take no provocative action unless I order them.

Hold position on these coordinates.

Slow to half impulse.

Open a channel.

Open.

I am Ambassador T'Pel.

I am Admiral Mendak.

There is no established protocol for a meeting of this nature.

The logical course is that I transport aboard your ship and begin the negotiations.

Yes.

Captain, I note your defensive systems have been activated.

As have yours.

It was not meant as an accusation.

Indeed, I salute your show of strength.

Ambassador, we are honored by your presence.

You may transport aboard at your convenience.

The honor is mine.

Have your transporter room stand by.

I will beam aboard their ship with no further delay.

Ambassador, I urge you once more to reconsider.

The Enterprise can accommodate a Romulan delegation without sacrificing our security or...

Captain Picard, I find your argument illogical.

Please carry out my instructions.

Picard to Chief O'Brien.

O'Brien here.

Prepare to transport Ambassador T'Pel to the Romulan vessel.

Aye, sir.

Mr. Worf, maintain a lock on her signal once she's aboard.

At the first sign of trouble, I want to be able to bring her back.

Understood.

Transporter activated.

( console beeping insistently)

Captain...

O'BRIEN: Transporter emergency!

I'm losing her signal.

Boosting power to autosequencers.

Engaging computer override.

O'Brien, what happened down there?

I'm losing the pattern.

Trying to reestablish.

I'm sorry, sir.

I wasn't able to retrieve the signal.

The Ambassador is dead.

DATA: Second Officer's Personal Log, supplemental.

The risks aboard a starship are accepted by all who serve

but I have never failed to observe

a deep emotional response to the loss of a comrade.

It is at times like this

that I greatly miss the ability to share human feelings.

The signal lock wasn't broken, sir.

I had just entered the transfer sequence when the Ambassador's pattern began to break up.

I tried to switch to emergency manual control but the pattern deteriorated too quickly and...

Captain, there is no prior record of this type of accident occurring aboard a starship.

Backup systems and safeguards are designed to prevent just such an occurrence.

I can't find any system flaws in the unit, Captain.

The engineering status reports were all normal none of the backups were activated and the autosequencers were all functioning normally.

Any prior malfunctions on this transporter unit? No, sir.

In fact, we replaced the transition coil only last week.

Could there have been some sort of interference from the Romulans?

Nothing that I could see.

The shields were down.

There was no power interruption no subspace bias.

I want this unit pulled and its systems checked again and I want a level-one diagnostic on all transporters.

Yes, sir.

Her molecular structure dissipated instantly once the pattern was lost.

There were some organic compounds left on the pad but there wasn't enough material to do an autopsy.

To die... on a transporter.

Hardly a fitting end for one of the Federation's most honored diplomats.

WORF: Bridge to Captain Picard.

Admiral Mendak is hailing.

He wishes to speak with you.

( sighs )

We're still waiting, Captain.

Is there a problem?

PICARD: There's been an accident.

Ambassador T'Pel has been killed in a transporter malfunction.

What kind of malfunction?

We are still investigating that. As soon as...

I should have known the Federation wasn't serious about this conference.

Admiral, I assure you the Federation places the highest priority on this mission and its goal.

Well played, Captain.

Well played.

Starfleet opposes normalization of relations with the Romulan Empire and so you are ordered to create... an "accident."

You are mistaken.

I am ready and willing to discuss the establishment of full diplomatic relations under the same terms as Ambassador T'Pel.

A generous offer, since you know that we were willing to negotiate only with T'Pel.

I salute you again, Captain.

It was a maneuver worthy of a Romulan.

I suggest we both leave the Neutral Zone before there is another... "accident."

Set course for Federation territory.

Warp two.

Engage.

Mr. Data, I want you to take charge of this investigation.

Study computer logs, sensor information, everything.

I refuse to believe that this was a simple malfunction.

Aye, sir.

Captain Picard was the person who first interested me

in the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

I have subsequently become a great admirer

of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes

and his ability to solve mysteries

by careful examination of the available evidence.

I have found Holmes' methodology

of deductive reasoning to be quite useful.

One of his adages is

that, once you have eliminated the impossible

whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

I'm sorry, I don't have time to give you another lesson right now, Data.

That is not my purpose.

I would like to examine the remains of Ambassador T'Pel left on the transporter pad.

I'm working on the report right now.

Have you compared the genetic code with the Ambassador's last recorded transporter ID traces?

No, that's not standard procedure. Why?

I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause.

A wild goose chase?

All right.

Computer, access the transporter ID trace for Ambassador T'Pel.

All right.

There's the genetic record of the Ambassador when she beamed aboard the Enterprise.

Now, the breakdown of the organic material found on the transporter pad should be identical.

Mitochondrial structure fits the general parameters.

No change in the nucleotide bases.

Hmm, there's a slight discrepancy in the base pair sequence.

Chemically, these are identical, however the organic sample from the transporter is showing numerous single-bit errors-- like replicated material.

Can you postulate an explanation for the discrepancy?

I'd say the DNA was either mutated by the transporter during the re-materialization process...

A supposition not supported by the transporter records.

...or these aren't the remains of the Ambassador.

The only abnormality found during my investigation was a temporary increase in the matter-to-energy signal ratio.

Due to the circumstances

I decided to investigate the possibility that a second transporter signal had caused the fluctuation.

Although this is highly improbable it was the only remaining theory.

A second transporter signal-- from where?

From the Devoras.

Romulan transporters operate on a similar subspace frequency to our own.

With only minor adjustments, they can be made to simulate our own transporter carrier wave.

Are you saying they beamed the Ambassador off our own pad?

While simultaneously a small amount of genetically similar material was left in the Ambassador's place.

To make us believe that she had died as a result of the malfunction.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Worf, where is the Devoras now?

WORF: The ship is still in the Neutral Zone.

On course 079 mark 125. Speed: warp two.

Heading for home.

The safest and most logical decision in this situation

is to contact Starfleet and await further instructions.

However, based on past experience

I project only a 17% chance

Captain Picard will choose that alternative.

Red Alert.

All hands stand to battle stations.

( alarm blaring )

Lay in an intercept course to the Romulan ship.

Shields up. Load all torpedo bays. Stand by phasers.

Warp factor eight.

Engage.

Open a channel to the Devoras.

Aye, sir.

No response.

DATA: The Devoras is dropping out of warp, sir.

Their weapon systems are powering up.

Go to impulse power. Aye, sir.

Message coming in, sir.

PICARD: On screen.

Captain, you agreed to leave the Neutral Zone without...

Admiral Mendak you have taken our Ambassador captive.

I can assure you there is no one being held captive aboard this ship.

We know about the transporter "malfunction" and that you are holding Ambassador T'Pel.

WORF: Captain

Romulan warbird de-cloaking to starboard.

I suggest you leave... now.

Admiral, it is my responsibility to protect the lives of Federation citizens.

I will not permit this abduction to succeed.

Captain, you're not going to start an incident which might...

Admiral Mendak, I will take whatever action is necessary to obtain the return of the Ambassador.

In the game of poker, there is a moment

when a player must decide if an opponent

is being deceptive or actually holds a winning hand.

This decision is based not only on the odds

but also on an appraisal of the man--

is he bluffing, or does he have the cards?

MENDAK: Fortunately, Captain

I am not ready to start a war... today.

T'Pel.

Subcommander Selok, actually.

A spy.

A patriot, Captain.

She has performed her service to the Empire with distinction.

Thank you for your help, Captain.

MENDAK: You see now that we are not holding one of your citizens and we thank you for returning our sister to us but my patience has limits.

The game is over.

I expect you to leave peacefully...

now.

Captain, long-range sensors detect three Romulan warbirds entering the sector.

Some days you get the bear and some days, the bear gets you.

Reverse course.

Take us back into Federation territory.

Warp six.

Engage.

Keiko, I need your help.

I have offended you and need to find a way to rectify my mistake.

I am not sure what to do.

You haven't offended me.

I should not have interfered.

It would be best if I apologize.

It would be best if you got dressed.

For the wedding.

Oh.

But...?

Come here.

I have the most beautiful carnation for the father of the bride.

Now, don't be nervous.

I am not nervous.

I am confused.

( chuckles )

( Japanese classical court music plays )

( music ends )

Since the days of the first wooden sailing ships all Captains have enjoyed the happy privilege of joining together two people in the bonds of matrimony, and so... it is my honor to unite you, Keiko Ishikawa and you, Miles Edward O'Brien, together in matrimony...

There are still many human emotions

I do not fully comprehend-- anger, hatred, revenge--

but I am not mystified by the desire to be loved...

( applause and cheers )

...or the need for friendship.

These are things I do understand.

( applause continues )

Congratulations!

( dance music plays )

( baby gurgling )

I was looking for Dr. Crusher.

Shh.

DATA: The Juarez child?

PICARD: Mm-hmm... a boy.

At the same time we were facing destruction this small miracle was taking place.

( softly ): Welcome aboard.

All systems normal, sir.

We are on course for Adelphous IV.

Engineering is realigning the main deflector dish

Sick Bay reports Lieutenant Umbato broke two ribs during a holodeck exercise and sensors continue to gather long-range information on the Murasaki quasar.

Very well.

I have the Bridge.

Aye, sir.

If being human is not simply a matter

of being born flesh and blood

if it is instead a way of thinking, acting and feeling

then I am hopeful that one day

I will discover my own humanity.

Begin night watch.

Until then, Commander Maddox, I will continue

learning, changing, growing

and trying to become more than what I am.