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Captain's Log, Stardate 47254.1.

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A delegation of the Cairn have just come on board.

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This telepathic species has no concept of spoken language

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and is being instructed in its use by... an old friend.

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I don't know what they'd have done without me.

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First, I had to learn how they communicate.

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Well, it was an absolutely exhausting process.

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It must have been.

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Quite different from Betazed telepathy.

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We transmit words.

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With the Cairn, it's, uh... it's images-- a-a flood of them, all at the same time.

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It's overwhelming. I can imagine.

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Actually, it's a very efficient way of communicating.

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If two Cairn were having this conversation it would have been over minutes ago.

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Really?

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Of course, they realize that they'll want to communicate verbally if they join the Federation.

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Oh, do me a favor.

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Introduce yourself to one of them.

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Engage him in conversation.

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They need the practice.

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I'd be happy to.

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It's called a visor.

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It enables me to see.

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Like my vocal enhancer.

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It helps me make sounds.

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I see you've already met my star pupil.

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Hedril's picked up spoken language much faster than the others.

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It is often the case that children learn languages more easily than adults.

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Deanna was quite good at languages when she was little.

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Where is Deanna?

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Well, she must be here somewhere.

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Hedril, darling...?

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What?

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Um... go find your father, dear.

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I want to talk to him.

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Mrs. Troi?

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Oh, I'm just a little tired.

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This constant telepathy with the Cairn... um... no, I'm...

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I'm fine, really.

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Aren't you going to mingle, Mr. Woof?

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I do not care for telepaths.

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They make me... uneasy.

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Oh, don't worry.

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The Cairn couldn't read your thoughts even if they wanted to.

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Your brain isn't sophisticated enough.

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Neither is yours, dear.

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They can only communicate with other telepaths.

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Have either of you seen Deanna?

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She was working, but she said she would be...

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Speak of the devil.

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Sorry I'm late.

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I lost track of the time.

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Deanna dear, come with me.

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I want you to meet the senior diplomat of the Cairn delegation.

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Maques, this is the beautiful daughter

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I've been telling you about, Deanna.

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Pleased to...

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Hello.

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Hello.

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Pleased to meet you.

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Oh, yes... that is it.

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Pleased to meet you, Deanna.

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Good. Well, I'll just let you young people chat.

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Well, Maques what do you think of the Enterprise?

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Oh... it is beautiful.

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Comfortable, also.

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I'm glad you think so.

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Uh... there is another word that describes it.

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But I cannot remember.

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You've learned a great deal in a very short time.

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I'm sure it won't be long before your words do justice to your thoughts.

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Your mother... told me... of your need.

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Need?

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Uh, a moment.

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Husband.

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You need a husband.

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I... need a wife.

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Space, the final frontier.

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These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.

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Its continuing mission--

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to explore strange new worlds...

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... to seek out new life and new civilizations...

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... to boldly go where no one has gone before.

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Oh, Deanna?

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Oh... good morning.

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So, what did you think of Maques?

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Why did you do that, Mother?

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You embarrassed both of us.

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Oh, he's really very sweet.

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And lonely, poor man.

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A widower, raising a child alone.

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Mother, don't start.

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I just think it's time for you to settle down and if your father were still alive

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I'm sure he'd say the same thing.

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Deck eight.

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But you'll do exactly what you want...

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just like always.

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Mother, stop it.

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Are you coming?

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What's wrong?

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( sighs )

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You are so precious to me.

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You're all I've got.

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If something happened to you I don't know what I'd do.

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Nothing's going to happen to me.

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You'd better go.

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My first appointment isn't for a few minutes.

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Why don't we talk for awhile?

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No, I'm fine.

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I'm just tired from working with the Cairn.

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It's making me emotional.

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Are you sure?

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Mm-hmm. Go on.

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I'll see you later.

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Go on.

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Maques.

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I must... apologize... for yesterday.

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You don't have to.

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My words... they were... confused.

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It wasn't your fault.

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Please.

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My mother misled you.

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Not in everything.

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She has... an image of you in her mind.

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She shared it with me.

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You are even more beautiful.

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The way my people communicate... it is... direct.

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Nothing is hidden.

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Yes?

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Your mother is the first to learn our telepathy.

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You mean you've never had telepathy with someone who wasn't Cairn?

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No.

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To communicate with her is... very different.

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In what way?

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Always, there is a part of her that... um... a part of her that is... dark.

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Dark?

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A part of her that... cannot be seen.

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Do you understand?

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I'm not sure.

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Have you asked my mother about this?

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Um... she called it... a moment.

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Um... privacy.

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Of course.

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You said among the Cairn nothing is hidden.

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We value honesty, but we don't always share everything we're thinking and feeling.

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This is... privacy?

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Yes.

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It is... normal?

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For us, yes.

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If this is your way...

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I am relieved.

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It is our way.

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I will leave now.

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I'm glad you stopped by.

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I'm glad to have stopped also.

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I was all set for another round of arguing when all of a sudden, she just fell apart.

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She's under a lot of stress.

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She's preparing the Cairn to meet with the Federation Council.

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It's more than that.

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I'm sensing some very erratic emotions from her.

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Even the clothes she's wearing are unusual.

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They're so subdued.

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Maybe you just need to sit and talk with her for a minute.

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LWAXANA: Commander!

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Take your hands off her!

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Mrs. Troi... Don't you "Mrs. Troi" me!

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Mother...

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Why don't you leave her alone?

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If it weren't for you, she'd be married by now!

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That's enough.

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Now, I am warning you-- stay away from my daughter!

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You're coming with me.

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Oh, I don't know what got into me.

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Oh... please, tell Will how sorry I am.

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You're fine but you're psilosynine levels are a little low.

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Psilo... hmm?

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It's a neurotransmitter involved in telepathy.

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It's been depleted by your work with the Cairn.

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You're going to have to try to avoid telepathic communication for a while.

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I can't.

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Why?

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We only have three days left and, uh... oh, the Cairn have so much to learn.

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Lwaxana, I'm sorry but you're going to have to take some time and rest.

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Maybe I can help with the Cairn.

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No, you're only half Betazoid, dear.

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And you have no experience with their form of telepathy.

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Then I won't use telepathy.

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We'll work verbally.

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I suppose we could do that.

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And if they don't understand something

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I'll explain it to them telepathically.

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No, you'll work verbally, too.

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The point is for you to get some rest, Mother.

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Besides, it'll do them good to have to figure things out with words.

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I suppose you're right.

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TROI: This is the ship's arboretum.

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"Arbor" means tree.

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Very good, Hedril.

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This is where people come to relax... enjoy themselves in a natural setting.

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"Flowers of all hue and without thorn, the rose."

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It's an old earth poem by John Milton.

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Please.

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What is a... poem?

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Poetry is an art form that uses words put together in new and unexpected ways sometimes in rhyme.

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Milton was speculating that in heaven roses wouldn't have thorns.

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Heaven?

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Oh.

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Oh, uh... heaven is...

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Well, it's, um...

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How can I put it?

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Yes, I see.

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Thank you.

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"Heaven."

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Mother, you're supposed to be avoiding telepathy.

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I'm only trying to help, dear.

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You don't look well.

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I'm just tired.

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Maybe I'll sit down.

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Don't worry. She'll be fine.

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This is something I think you'll find interesting.

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It's a jewel plant from Folnar III.

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The plant secretes a resin...

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( Hedril laughing )

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...which is collected within the blossom.

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By the time the bloom has faded the resin has hardened into a rare and beautiful gem.

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Mother!

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Mother... Troi to Sick Bay.

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Medical emergency in the arboretum.

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CRUSHER: She's not responding to cortical stimulation.

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I'm not sure what else I can do.

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I don't understand.

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She was fine just yesterday.

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It's so strange.

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It's almost as if her brain has shut itself down.

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Is there a physiological cause?

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I'm running a subneural scan.

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As far as I can see there's no tissue damage no neurochemical imbalance no sign of infection, nothing.

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Yet her neural activity is practically nonexistent.

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The only exception is in the paracortex.

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Activity there is almost off the scale.

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The paracortex is the Betazoid telepathic lobe.

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She communicated with Maques telepathically just before she fell.

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Might there be some side effects of Cairn telepathy of which we're unaware?

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It's a possibility.

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I think it's time that you and I had a talk with Maques.

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I am very... apologetic for what has happened to your mother.

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Maques, is it possible that your telepathic communications with Mrs. Troi harmed her in some way?

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No.

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I tried to... to explain before.

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Bad thoughts-- they hurt her.

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TROI: What thoughts?

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Take your time.

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Inside her.

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The... dark place.

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I don't understand.

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She is... um...

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What are the words?

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I don't have the words.

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( gasps )

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Counselor?

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Stop it.

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It's all right.

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I'm fine.

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He was just trying to communicate with me telepathically.

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Do you understand now?

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I'm not sure.

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He communicated so much to me that, at first, it was just a jumble of images.

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Have you been able to sort any of it out?

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I think so.

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During his telepathic contact with my mother

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Maques sensed what he calls "a dark place."

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He tried to tell me about it before in my office, and I misunderstood.

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I thought he was talking about thoughts my mother was keeping private but what he meant was that there was something happening in her metaconscious mind.

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Metaconscious?

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It's part of the Betazoid psyche.

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It's a kind of filtering mechanism that protects us from psychic trauma.

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Is Maques suggesting that your mother's metaconscious has been somehow damaged?

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He feels that whatever is wrong with her is centered there.

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If he's right, it may mean that she's suffered some kind of trauma that her metaconscious just can't tolerate.

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Has your mother mentioned anything that happened to her lately?

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Something that might have been traumatic for her?

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No, nothing.

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Maques could be wrong about this.

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There's still a chance that a subneural scan might be able to pinpoint a physiological cause for your mother's condition something that I might be able to treat.

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The results won't be in until morning.

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Maybe we should all try and get some rest.

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I'd like to stay here with her.

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I'm going to try and contact her telepathically.

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All right.

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TROI: Mother? Can you hear me?

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Please come back to me.

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Please.

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LWAXANA ( weakly ): Help me...

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Mother?

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Help... me.

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How?

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How can I help you?

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Tell me, Mother.

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Please.

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( door opens, closes )

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Computer, lights.

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What are you doing?

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Maques, what were you doing in Sick Bay?

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Helping.

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Trying... to help Lwaxana.

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How? What were you trying to do?

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I was...

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She was...

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You, Deanna.

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Maybe you.

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Yes?

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You must...

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How can I explain?

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Tell me telepathically.

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Maques believes my mother's psyche has collapsed in on itself-- that for some reason she has retreated into her metaconscious mind.

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Was he trying to contact her telepathically?

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Yes. He was able to access images being generated by her metaconscious but he couldn't make any sense of them.

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I did not... understand.

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He saw faces he didn't recognize events he couldn't interpret.

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If we could decipher these images we might be able to determine whether or not your mother's condition was induced by a traumatic event.

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Maques feels he can provide a telepathic bridge that would allow me to access my mother's metaconscious.

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If he can, I might be able to find out what happened to her.

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And if you succeed, can you use that information to help your mother?

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I'm not sure but I do know that there's a part of her that wants to be helped.

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When I tried to contact her telepathically

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I heard a voice calling out to me.

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If your mother's psyche has collapsed in on itself could accessing her mind pose any danger to you?

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There's no way to know.

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I'd like to try.

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I'll be monitoring her throughout the entire procedure.

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If anything goes wrong

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Maques can break the telepathic link.

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Your mother, part of her is very frightened.

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She may... resist you.

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I understand.

00:23:32

( canine growling )

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LWAXANA ( weakly ): Help me.

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Mother?

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Help me.

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( canine snarling )

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( liquid splashing )

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PICARD: Counselor, can you hear me?

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Captain?

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Deanna, Dr. Crusher has become concerned that your paracortical readings have become erratic.

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Are you talking to me from Sick Bay?

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Yes. I want you to sever your connection to your mother.

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Why don't you ask Maques to do it?

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I'm asking you.

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That is an order, Counselor.

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You're not Captain Picard.

00:24:40

( Lwaxana's voice ): Leave me alone, please.

00:24:50

( canine growling )

00:24:51

( gasps )

00:24:54

( growling )

00:25:03

( growling )

00:25:07

This isn't real.

00:25:10

None of this is real.

00:25:11

( snarling )

00:25:21

( snarling )

00:25:29

( breathing heavily )

00:25:32

Deanna?

00:25:34

Daddy?

00:25:35

Look at you.

00:25:38

You've become a beautiful woman.

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Don't do this.

00:25:43

I'm sorry I had to go away when you were so little.

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I didn't want to.

00:25:50

You're not my father.

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You're part of my mother's mind.

00:25:56

What is this place?

00:25:58

This is our house near Lake El-Nar on Betazed.

00:26:01

We used to live here.

00:26:05

Deanna, let's not waste this chance.

00:26:09

I want to hear everything about you.

00:26:13

Did I live here?

00:26:14

For a while, when you were a baby.

00:26:18

You were such a beautiful baby.

00:26:21

Your mother and I loved you so much.

00:26:26

I don't remember these toys.

00:26:28

I bet you don't remember me singing you to sleep at night either, but I did.

00:26:35

I do remember.

00:26:38

I always felt safe when you sang to me.

00:26:43

There was one song you always asked me to sing.

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You couldn't fall asleep unless you heard it.

00:26:50

"Down in the Valley."

00:26:51

Yes.

00:26:54

♪ Down in the valley ♪

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♪ Valley so low ♪

00:27:01

♪ Hang your head over ♪

00:27:05

♪ Hear the wind blow... ♪

00:27:09

No. You're just trying to keep me here... keep me from finding something.

00:27:14

Your mother doesn't want to see you, Deanna.

00:27:17

I have to help her.

00:27:19

If you want to help her, leave.

00:27:21

Let her have peace.

00:27:23

She called out to me.

00:27:26

She does want me to help.

00:27:29

Stay with me-- just a little while.

00:27:33

Deanna, it's been so long.

00:27:36

We'll never have this chance again.

00:27:46

Good-bye, Daddy.

00:27:54

( liquid gurgling )

00:28:17

Hedril.

00:28:23

Mother.

00:28:24

Get away from here!

00:28:26

No!

00:28:35

Hedril, I asked your father to bring you here because I wanted to talk to you about something.

00:28:40

You know that Lwaxana is sick, don't you?

00:28:43

Yes. Is it my fault?

00:28:46

No, not at all.

00:28:49

But I believe that she's been thinking about you.

00:28:53

Do you know why?

00:28:55

I make her sad.

00:28:58

Why do you say that?

00:29:00

Because it's true.

00:29:04

Do you have any idea why Hedril would make my mother sad?

00:29:08

No.

00:29:11

Well, thank you for coming to talk to us.

00:29:12

I'll see you later, all right?

00:29:17

Counselor, I hope your mother gets better.

00:29:21

Thank you, Hedril.

00:29:22

So do I.

00:29:30

I just don't understand how she fits into all this.

00:29:33

And I haven't found a physiological cause for what's happened to your mother-- which makes me feel that Maques was right when he said your mother's condition was precipitated by a traumatic event.

00:29:43

Could this event have involved Hedril?

00:29:46

I don't think so.

00:29:47

My mother never mentioned her.

00:29:50

Does your mother keep personal logs or a journal?

00:29:53

Yes, she does.

00:29:54

I'll contact Mr. Homn on Betazed and ask him to transmit a copy as soon as possible.

00:29:59

There may be some clues there.

00:30:01

Perhaps we are being too literal.

00:30:03

I have recently learned in my study of dream analysis that people who appear in a dream can sometimes represent different aspects of the person who is dreaming.

00:30:11

That's right!

00:30:12

A child might represent vulnerability.

00:30:15

Hedril may depict some fragile part of my mother.

00:30:19

The part that she's protecting.

00:30:22

You said that everything you encountered when you were in her mind was a barrier of one kind or another.

00:30:27

Yes-- you, the wolf, my father...

00:30:32

It was as though she were summoning all her defenses to keep me away.

00:30:37

But keep me away from what?

00:30:39

What is she protecting?

00:30:57

( sighs )

00:31:31

( door chimes )

00:31:32

Come in.

00:31:35

Counselor.

00:31:40

Hello, Captain.

00:31:42

I've just come from Sick Bay.

00:31:44

Dr. Crusher feels that your mother's condition is worsening.

00:31:48

Her neural foundations are getting weaker.

00:31:55

Have you had any luck here?

00:31:57

No, nothing.

00:32:00

I've gone through all her belongings.

00:32:02

I've read her journal for the last five years.

00:32:06

And, other than the fact that I'm not married yet nothing bad seems to have happened to her.

00:32:13

Is this your father?

00:32:14

Yes.

00:32:18

He had a kind face.

00:32:22

I remember when he died my mother had to go through all his things and pack them away.

00:32:29

I was seven.

00:32:31

I remember thinking how mad he'd be when he came home and saw what she'd done.

00:32:37

I didn't understand he wasn't coming back.

00:32:41

Deanna, your mother might still come out of this.

00:32:45

If we can't figure out what's wrong with her, Captain

00:32:48

I don't think she will.

00:32:52

But I don't know what else to do.

00:32:56

I've talked with Mr. Homn, who's known her for years.

00:33:00

I've checked her medical records.

00:33:02

I've made inquiries to the government on Betazed.

00:33:05

I've contacted her closest friends.

00:33:09

If she's been through some kind of psychic trauma there's just no evidence of it.

00:33:14

You say that you've reviewed her journals for the past five years.

00:33:17

Maybe we should go further back.

00:33:20

That's a lot to review.

00:33:21

My mother's kept a journal since before she was married.

00:33:23

Then let's start at the beginning.

00:33:27

( sighs )

00:33:32

First entry seems to be stardate 30620.1.

00:33:36

That's the year they were married.

00:33:40

Hmm. That's odd.

00:33:43

There's a seven-year gap.

00:33:47

It starts about a year after the wedding.

00:33:50

If I'm not mistaken, it ends a few months after your birth.

00:33:55

My mother's so diligent about her journal.

00:33:57

Why would she have stopped making entries for so long?

00:34:00

She didn't.

00:34:02

The files were deleted... by your mother almost 30 years ago.

00:34:12

I don't understand any of this.

00:34:17

Captain, I have to go back inside my mother's mind.

00:34:20

It's the only way we're ever going to get any answers.

00:34:33

Thank you.

00:34:35

Deanna, you understand that if your paracortical readings get too high again

00:34:39

I'm going to tell Maques to sever the connection?

00:34:43

I know.

00:35:27

( wolf growling )

00:35:32

Hedril, be careful!

00:35:34

Who is Hedril?

00:35:39

Wait!

00:35:40

I want to talk to you.

00:35:49

LWAXANA: Help me.

00:36:05

Help me!

00:36:12

( water gurgling )

00:36:38

( footsteps )

00:36:48

LWAXANA: Go.

00:36:49

Mother?

00:36:54

Go away.

00:36:57

No.

00:36:59

I want to help you.

00:37:03

Why did you delete parts of your journal?

00:37:06

Did something happen to you you don't want me to know about?

00:37:10

Leave me alone, please.

00:37:13

Who's Hedril, Mother?

00:37:15

Why is she here?

00:37:18

Is Hedril me, when I was a little girl?

00:37:20

No.

00:37:22

Oh, no.

00:37:23

I'd never let anything happen to you, never.

00:37:25

Did you let something happen to someone?

00:37:33

Was it here, at El-Nar?

00:37:37

You were just a baby.

00:37:41

Tell me.

00:37:43

Whatever it is, we can face it together.

00:37:45

I can't, I can't.

00:37:50

You can.

00:37:52

We can.

00:37:54

GIRL: Help me.

00:37:56

Help me, Papa. Here.

00:37:59

Please, don't make me go through this again.

00:38:01

Now hold on to him.

00:38:02

Don't let him run off.

00:38:04

I will.

00:38:05

Mommy, can we go play by the water?

00:38:08

No, Kestra, stay here with us.

00:38:12

Please.

00:38:13

( crying )

00:38:15

Kestra.

00:38:16

Oh, Kestra, you've made the baby cry.

00:38:21

Kestra?

00:38:23

No, don't cry, Deanna.

00:38:26

Don't cry. Mommy's here.

00:38:28

Mommy, please. No, Kestra.

00:38:30

We're going to eat in just a few minutes.

00:38:32

LWAXANA: Here, what's wrong?

00:38:33

What's wrong, little one?

00:38:35

Tell Mommy what's wrong.

00:38:37

Oh, Ian.

00:38:38

Ian, she's teething.

00:38:39

Uh, where's her ring?

00:38:41

( dog snarling )

00:38:49

No, no, I don't want to see this again.

00:38:54

I can't.

00:38:58

What happened, Mother?

00:39:02

What happened next?

00:39:04

I don't remember.

00:39:07

You have to.

00:39:09

You can't hold it back.

00:39:11

It's killing you.

00:39:28

The dog got away.

00:39:33

She ran after it.

00:39:39

We didn't notice.

00:39:40

( sobbing )

00:39:47

Oh, why?

00:39:49

Why did I look away?

00:39:52

Why wasn't I paying attention?

00:39:56

You have to forgive yourself, Mother.

00:40:02

You have to let it go.

00:40:04

How can I?

00:40:06

I let her die.

00:40:10

It was a terrible tragedy-- the worst thing that can happen to any parent.

00:40:15

I know you feel responsible, but it was an accident.

00:40:22

And what you're doing isn't fair to Kestra.

00:40:27

I saw a little girl who was sweet and happy.

00:40:32

She must have brought a great deal of joy to your lives.

00:40:37

Every morning, she woke up with... with a smile.

00:40:44

Isn't it better to remember her like that?

00:40:49

I just found out I had a sister I never knew.

00:40:54

I'd like to learn what was good and joyous about her to celebrate her life, not mourn it.

00:41:04

How?

00:41:07

How can I do that?

00:41:10

Kestra was here a few moments ago.

00:41:13

Talk to her.

00:41:17

No. No.

00:41:20

Do it, Mother.

00:41:22

Tell her how you feel.

00:41:26

I'll be here with you.

00:41:27

I'll help you.

00:41:38

KESTRA: Mommy.

00:41:39

Kestra.

00:41:41

Oh, Kestra.

00:41:44

My precious one.

00:41:49

I'm so sorry.

00:41:54

( sobbing )

00:42:08

I have to go now.

00:42:15

I know.

00:42:18

I know.

00:43:11

I remember the day I took this.

00:43:15

Mr. Homn said he saved it in case someday you wanted to remember her.

00:43:26

( sighs )

00:43:29

I wish you could have known her, Deanna.

00:43:32

I wish you two could have grown up together.

00:43:38

Tell me about her.

00:43:40

I want to know everything.