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Mudd's Women

CAPTAIN'S LOG-- STARDATE 1329.8.

THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE IN PURSUIT

OF AN UNIDENTIFIED VESSEL.

Sulu: THERE HE IS, SIR. CENTER SCREEN.

STILL TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM US, SIR.

DON'T LOSE HIM, MR. SULU.

NO, SIR.

EARTH SHIP, MR. SPOCK?

DIFFICULT TO SAY, CAPTAIN.

WE'RE GETTING NO REGISTRATION BEAM FROM IT.

IF IT IS, HE'LL SOON OVERLOAD HIS ENGINES.

Spock: SIR, HE'S PUSHING HIS ENGINES TOO HARD.

CHANGING COURSE AGAIN.

HE KNOWS WE'RE AFTER HIM ALL RIGHT.

STAY WITH HIM, MR. SULU.

COMMUNICATION?

I'VE TRIED ALL FREQUENCIES, SIR.

HE REFUSES TO ANSWER,

UNLESS HE'S NOT RECEIVING US.

OH, HE'S RECEIVING US, ALL RIGHT.

APPROACHING AN ASTEROID BELT, CAPTAIN.

SCHILLER RATING-- 3.5.

DEFLECTORS ON, MR. FARRELL.

HE'S SEEN THE ASTEROID, TOO, SIR.

STAY WITH HIM.

HE'LL TRY TO LOSE US IN THEM.

Sulu: IF ONE OF THEM HITS HIM--

Spock: SENSOR READING ON THE VESSEL, CAPTAIN.

I MAKE IT OUT AS A SMALL, CLASS "J" CARGO SHIP,

AND HIS ENGINES ARE SUPER-HEATING.

TRY TO WARN HIM. IF HE LOSES POWER NOW--

Farrell: THERE GO HIS ENGINES, SIR.

Sulu: HE IS DRIFTING INTO ASTEROID BELT, CAPTAIN.

HE'S HAD IT,

UNLESS WE PUT OUR DEFLECTOR SCREEN AROUND HIM.

CAPTAIN, IF WE TRY, WE'LL OVERLOAD OUR OWN ENGINES.

HE'S TOO FAR AWAY.

COVER HIM WITH OUR DEFLECTOR SCREEN, MR. FARRELL.

[WHIRS]

SCOTTY, SPOCK, STAND BY IN THE TRANSPORTER ROOM.

AYE, SIR.

WE'RE PROTECTING HIM, SIR.

WE WON'T BE ABLE TO HOLD IT LONG.

WE'RE OVERLOADING, CAPTAIN.

ENGINE TEMPERATURES CLIMBING.

[BEEPING]

SPACE...

THE FINAL FRONTIER.

THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE.

ITS 5-YEAR MISSION--

TO EXPLORE STRANGE NEW WORLDS,

TO SEEK OUT NEW LIFE AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS,

TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.

[INTERCOM WHISTLES]

Man: THIS IS THE ENGINE ROOM.

TEMPERATURES ARE PASSING THE DANGER LINE.

OUR DEFLECTOR SCREEN'S WEAKENING, SIR.

WE CAN'T PROTECT THEM MUCH LONGER.

[BUZZES]

THAT WAS ONE OF OUR LITHIUM CRYSTAL CIRCUITS, SIR.

BRIDGE TO TRANSPORTER ROOM. IF YOU DON'T START BEAMING THAT CREW OVER SOON--

Scotty: THEY'RE NOT ANSWERING OUR SIGNAL.

THERE'S NOTHING TO LOCK ONTO.

ANOTHER CIRCUIT, SIR.

I'M GETTING A DISTRESS SIGNAL CALL

FROM THEM, SIR.

SCOTTY, WE'RE GETTING A DISTRESS SIGNAL.

[BEEPS]

Scotty: WE'RE LOCKED ONTO SOMETHING, CAPTAIN.

MEANING NO INGRATITUDE, GENTLEMEN,

BUT JUST WHERE IS IT I FIND MESELF?

YOU'RE ABOARD THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE.

IT'S REALLY A DARN BEAUTIFUL SHIP,

ISN'T IT?

REALLY A BEAUTIFUL SHIP.

OH, THE NAME, GENTLEMEN, IS WALSH. CAPTAIN LEO WALSH.

HOW MANY MORE IN YOUR CREW?

JUST A FEW MORE.

YOUR VESSEL'S BREAKING UP, MAN.

IF WE DON'T GET THEM OVER HERE RIGHT NOW--

WE COULDN'T BE SURE YOU WAS A FRIENDLY VESSEL, NOW COULD WE?

AH, BUT THE 3 OF THEM WILL BE IN POSITION RIGHT ABOUT BY NOW.

[WHIRS]

[BUZZES]

ANOTHER LITHIUM CIRCUIT.

NOW SUPPLEMENTING WITH BATTERY POWER, SIR.

SCOTTY, HOW MANY OF THEM DID YOU GET ABOARD?

ONLY ONE, SIR, BUT WE'VE LOCKED ONTO 3 MORE.

Kirk: WHAT'S WRONG?

I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

WITH THOSE 3 LITHIUM CRYSTALS GONE--

AT BEST, IT'LL TAKE LONGER ON BATTERY POWER.

NEVER DID TRUST THIS THING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

THERE SHE GOES!

Sulu: ASTEROID. HIT HIM DEAD CENTER.

Kirk: BRIDGE TO TRANSPORTER ROOM.

THEIR VESSEL HAS BEEN HIT BY AN ASTEROID. IT'S GONE. DID YOU GET THE CREW OFF?

NOT YET, SIR, BUT WE'VE HOOKED ONTO SOMETHING.

[INTERCOM WHISTLES]

KIRK TO TRANSPORTER ROOM. REPORT.

Walsh: IT'S ALL RIGHT, DARLINGS.

WE'RE IN GOOD HANDS.

BRIDGE TO TRANSPORTER ROOM.

WE'RE CLEARING THE ASTEROID BELT NOW, CAPTAIN.

DEFLECTOR SCREEN DOWN, MR. FARRELL. CONSERVE POWER.

CAPTAIN TO TRANSPORTER ROOM.

ARE YOU READING ME OR NOT, MR. SCOTT?

BRIDGE TO TRANSPORTER ROOM.

HOW MANY DID WE GET OFF?

OH.

UM... 4 IN ALL, SIR.

IF THE CAPTAIN OF THAT VESSEL CAN WALK,

I WANT HIM IN MY CABIN IMMEDIATELY.

CORRECTION--

I WANT HIM THERE WHETHER HE CAN WALK OR NOT. KIRK OUT.

THAT FELLOW SOUNDED A MITE UPSET, DIDN'T HE?

YES.

YES, THEY ARE.

CURIOUS.

YOU'RE CERTAIN THIS WAS EVERYONE ABOARD, MR. WALSH?

NO OTHER CREWMEN?

OH, NO. THAT'S EVERYONE, ALL RIGHT.

BUT SO FAR AS THE LADIES ACTUALLY BEING THE CREW--

YOU CAN EXPLAIN THAT TO THE CAPTAIN.

AYE!

AMEN TO THAT, SCOTTY.

Walsh: SURE, THESE STARSHIPS ARE REALLY SOMETHING MARVELOUS,

BUT MEN WILL ALWAYS BE MEN,

NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE.

EH, MISTER? YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THAT OUT OF THEM.

DECK 12.

YOU'RE PART VULCANIAN, AREN'T YOU?

MMM.

AH, WELL, THEN,

A PRETTY FACE DOESN'T AFFECT YOU AT ALL, DOES IT?

THAT IS, NOT UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO.

YOU CAN SAVE IT, GIRLS.

THIS TYPE CAN TURN HIMSELF OFF FROM ANY EMOTION.

[DOOR OPENS]

I APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE SAID, SIR.

HE'S SO USED TO BUYING AND SELLING PEOPLE.

I'LL HANDLE THE CONVERSATION, DARLIN'.

[KNOCK ON DOOR] COME.

THE COMMANDER OF THE TRANSPORT TO SEE YOU, CAPTAIN.

GOOD. NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND TELLING--

HELLO.

AND THE LADIES?

IS THIS YOUR CREW, CAPTAIN?

Walsh: WELL, NO, CAPTAIN.

THIS IS ME CARGO.

CAPTAIN'S LOG-- STARDATE 1329.1.

WE HAVE TAKEN ABOARD FROM UNREGISTERED TRANSPORT VESSEL

ITS CAPTAIN AND--

AND 3 UNUSUAL FEMALES.

THESE WOMEN HAVE A MYSTERIOUS, MAGNETIC EFFECT

ON THE MALE MEMBERS OF MY CREW,

INCLUDING MYSELF.

EXPLANATION UNKNOWN AT PRESENT.

WELL, HOW THE DEVIL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THIS IS A STARSHIP, CAPTAIN?

HERE I AM WITH A CARGO OF YOUNG LOVELIES,

A STRANGE SHIP COMES UP ALONGSIDE--

WELL, NATURALLY, I DID ME BEST TO EVADE YOU.

AND STARSHIP CAPTAIN OR NO, YOU EXCEEDED YOUR AUTHORITY

WHEN YOU DROVE ME AND MINE INTO A SHOWER OF ASTEROIDS.

YOUR NAME, PLEASE.

WALSH. LEO WALSH. YOU DESTROYED ME SHIP, CAPTAIN.

MR. WALSH, I'M CONVENING A SHIP'S HEARING ON YOUR ACTIONS.

MR. SPOCK WILL SUPPLY YOU WITH ANY LEGAL INFORMATION

YOU MAY NEED FOR YOUR DEFENSE.

YOU'RE A HARD-NOSED ONE, CAPTAIN.

AND YOU'RE A LIAR, MR. WALSH.

I THINK WE BOTH UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

SECURITY!

ESCORT MR. WALSH TO HIS QUARTERS.

CONFINE HIM THERE.

YOU'RE ON DUTY, JOHNNY-O.

BACK TO REALITY.

YOU CAN FEEL THEIR EYES WHEN THEY LOOK AT YOU,

LIKE SOMETHING GRABBING HOLD OF YOU.

DID YOU NOTICE THAT?

I NOTICED. HOW I NOTICED!

COME ON, NOW, JOHNNY. OK.

WE'VE GOT TROUBLE, MR. SPOCK.

I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT, MR. SCOTT.

ONE LITHIUM CRYSTAL LEFT,

AND THAT WITH A HAIRLINE SPLIT AT THE BASE.

BETTER RIG A BY-PASS CIRCUIT.

CAN'T.

WE BLEW THE WHOLE CONVERTER ASSEMBLY.

[CLICKS]

KIRK HERE.

NEEDED ON THE BRIDGE, CAPTAIN.

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

HARRY!

WHERE WERE YOU?

SHH! CALM DOWN NOW.

WOULD YOU MIND WAITING OUTSIDE?

SORRY, SIR. WELL, NOW,

ANSWER EVERY QUESTION THEY PUT TO YOU. DON'T LIE.

WELL, YOU'VE NO NEED TO, HAVE YOU?

AND DON'T SUBMIT TO A MED--

THAT IS, BEING SO HEALTHY,

THEY'VE NO NEED FOR A MEDICAL EXAM, HAVE THEY?

BUT WHAT IF THEY ASK ABOUT--

THEY WON'T. HAVE YOU NO PLACE TO GO, LADS?

THEY'LL NOTICE WE'RE DIF--

NO, NO, NO, THEY WON'T.

YOU JUST LET LEO TAKE ALL THE HARD QUESTIONS.

NOW, DON'T BE PANICKING, LOVES. WE'LL GET TO--

GET WHERE?

WE DON'T HAVE A SHIP,

AND WE'RE HEADED THE WRONG WAY, HARRY.

LE--

LEO.

LEO WALSH IS ME NAME, DARLING.

DON'T FORGET THAT.

SO LOVELY. LOVELY, AREN'T THEY?

IF THEY ONLY THINK LOVELY THOUGHTS,

IF THEY SMILE,

WHY, THEY'LL COME OUT RIGHT SOME WHICH WAY,

NOW WON'T THEY?

ME PERSONAL GUARANTEE ON THAT.

THE ENTIRE SHIP'S POWER IS FEEDING THROUGH

ONE LITHIUM CRYSTAL.

WELL, SWITCH TO BY-PASS CIRCUITS.

WE BURNED THEM ALL OUT WHEN WE SUPER-HEATED, CAPTAIN.

THAT JACKASS WALSH NOT ONLY WRECKED HIS OWN VESSEL,

BUT IN SAVING HIS SKIN--

IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, ENGINEER,

THAT'S ONE JACKASS WE'RE GOING TO SEE SKINNED.

BUT IT'S FRUSTRATING.

ALMOST A MILLION GROSS TONS OF VESSEL

DEPENDING ON A HUNK OF CRYSTAL THE SIZE OF MY FIST.

Spock: AND THAT CRYSTAL WON'T HOLD UP--

NOT PULLING ALL OUR POWER THROUGH IT.

WELL, MR. SPOCK?

THERE'S A LITHIUM MINING OPERATION ON RIGEL-12.

HIGH-GRADE ORE, I'VE HEARD.

LOCATION AND DISTANCE.

MR. FARRELL HAS THE COURSE.

LESS THAN 2 DAYS' TRAVEL.

MAKE FOR RIGEL-12, MR. SPOCK.

Spock: RIGEL-12, MR. FARRELL.

YOU HAVE THE COURSE.

CAPTAIN'S LOG-- STARDATE 1329.2.

ON BOARD THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE,

A SHIP'S HEARING IS BEING CONVENED

AGAINST THE TRANSPORT VESSEL'S CAPTAIN.

I'M BECOMING CONCERNED ABOUT THE ALMOST HYPNOTIC EFFECT

PRODUCED BY THE WOMEN.

THIS HEARING IS CONVENED.

STARDATE 1329.2,

ON BOARD STARSHIP U.S.S. ENTERPRISE.

FORMAL HEARINGS AGAINST TRANSPORT CAPTAIN LEO WALSH.

START COMPUTER.

STATE YOUR NAME FOR THE RECORD.

LEO FRANCIS WALSH.

INCORRECT.

YOUR CORRECT NAME.

GENTLEMEN, SURELY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE THE WORD

OF A SOULLESS MECHANICAL DEVICE

OVER THAT OF A REAL, FLESH-AND-BLOOD MAN.

[SIGHS]

STATE YOUR CORRECT NAME FOR THE RECORD.

HARRY MUDD.

INCORRECT.

HARCOURT FENTON MUDD.

ANY PAST OFFENSES, MR. MUDD?

OF COURSE NOT.

GENTLEMEN, I'M SIMPLY AN HONEST BUSINESSMAN.

INCORRECT.

BLAST THAT TIN-PLATED POT.

FULL DATA COMING ON-SCREEN.

IF IT CAN READ OUR MINDS, TOO...

THEY CAN'T, DARLING. THEY CAN'T.

JUST WHAT'S ON THE RECORD.

OFFENSE RECORD--

SMUGGLING.

SENTENCE...SUSPENDED.

TRANSPORT OF STOLEN GOODS.

PURCHASE OF SPACE VESSEL WITH COUNTERFEIT CURRENCY.

SENTENCES-- PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT,

EFFECTIVENESS DISPUTED.

Kirk: MR. MUDD,

YOU ARE CHARGED WITH GALAXY TRAVEL WITHOUT A FLIGHT PLAN,

WITHOUT AN IDENTIFICATION BEAM,

AND FAILURE TO ANSWER A STARSHIP'S SIGNAL,

THUS EFFECTING A MENACE TO NAVIGATION.

WHAT, MY TINY, LITTLE SHIP IN THIS IMMENSE GALAXY

A MENACE TO NAVIGATION?

YOU'RE ALSO CHARGED WITH OPERATION OF A VESSEL

WITHOUT A MASTER'S LICENSE.

UNTRUE! I HAVE A MASTER'S TICKET.

INCORRECT.

MASTER'S LICENSE REVOKED STARDATE 1116.4.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, VERY SIMPLY,

LEO WALSH, WHO WAS TO BE MY CAPTAIN ON THIS TRIP,

PASSED AWAY SUDDENLY.

WELL, I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE OUT ME SHIP ME OWN SELF, DID I?

WELL, I ASSUMED LEO'S NAME FOR THIS VOYAGE

OUT OF COURTESY TO HIM.

IN MEMORIAM, AS IT WERE.

A FINE, FINE MAN,

ALAS, GONE TO HIS REWARD.

DESTINATION AND PURPOSE OF JOURNEY?

PLANET OPHIUCHUS-3.

WIVING SETTLERS.

COME AGAIN, MR. MUDD?

YOU DO WHAT?

I RECRUIT WIVES FOR SETTLERS,

A DIFFICULT BUT SATISFYING TASK.

DATA ON WITNESSES.

NO DATA.

COMPUTER, GO TO SENSOR PROBE.

ANY UNUSUAL READINGS?

NO DECIPHERABLE READING ON FEMALES.

HOWEVER, UNUSUAL READING ON MALE BOARD MEMBERS.

DETECTING HIGH RESPIRATION PATTERNS,

PERSPIRATION RATES UP,

HEARTBEAT RAPID,

BLOOD PRESSURE HIGHER THAN NORMAL.

UH, THAT'S SUFFICIENT.

STRIKE THAT FROM THE RECORD, MR. SPOCK.

YOU SEE, GENTLEMEN, JUST AS I TOLD YOU.

3 LOVELY LADIES

DESTINED FOR FRONTIER PLANETS

TO BE THE COMPANIONS OF LONELY MEN,

TO SUPPLY THAT WARMTH OF A HUMAN TOUCH THAT'S SO DESPERATELY NEEDED--

A WIFE, A HOME, A FAMILY.

GENTLEMEN, I LOOK UPON THIS WORK

AS A SACRED PUBLIC TRUST.

I'VE DEVOTED ME WHOLE LIFE TO IT.

INCORRECT.

WELL, I'M ABOUT TO START DEVOTING MY ENTIRE LIFE TO IT.

DID THESE LADIES COME VOLUNTARILY?

WELL, OF COURSE! NOW, FOR EXAMPLE,

RUTHIE HERE COMES FROM A PELAGIC PLANET-- SEA RANCHERS,

MAGDA THERE FROM THE HALIUM EXPERIMENTAL STATION.

IT'S THE SAME STORY FOR ALL OF US, CAPTAIN--NO MEN.

MINE WAS A FARM PLANET

WITH AUTOMATED MACHINES FOR COMPANY

AND 2 BROTHERS TO COOK FOR, MEND THEIR CLOTHES,

CANAL MUD A FOOT THICK ON THEIR BOOTS EVERY TIME THEY WALKED IN.

FINE, EVIE. FINE.

NO, IT'S NOT FINE!

WE'VE GOT MEN WILLING TO BE OUR HUSBANDS WAITING FOR US,

AND YOU'RE TAKING US IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!

STARING AT US

LIKE WE WERE SATURNIUS HAREM GIRLS OR SOMETHING.

THAT'S ENOUGH, EVIE.

THE ONLY CHARGES ARE AGAINST MR. MUDD.

ILLEGAL OPERATION OF A VESSEL.

DO YOU HAVE ANY DEFENSE TO OFFER?

ONLY HEAVEN'S OWN TRUTH, WHICH I'VE JUST GIVEN YOU.

THE HEARING IS CLOSED...

MR. MUDD TO BE HANDED OVER TO THE LEGAL AUTHORITIES

AT OUR EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY.

AND WHAT ABOUT US? WHAT HAPPENS TO US?

HELP US, PLEASE. ALL OF US.

MISS McHURON, IF YOU DON'T MIND--

OUR LAST CRYSTAL, SIR. IT'S GONE.

Sulu: CAPTAIN KIRK, ENGINEERING SECTION REPORTS

OUR ENTIRE LIFE-SUPPORT SYSTEM IS NOW ON BATTERIES.

MR. SPOCK-- MISS McHURON, PLEASE. WOULD YOU MIND?

MR. SPOCK, WILL YOU CONTACT THE MINERS ON RIGEL-12?

NOTIFY THEM THAT WE'LL NEED THE LITHIUM CRYSTALS

IMMEDIATELY UPON ARRIVAL.

OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL GALAXY!

OH, THAT HEAVENLY UNIVERSE!

WELL, GIRLS, LITHIUM MINERS.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

LONELY, ISOLATED, OVERWORKED, RICH

LITHIUM MINERS!

GIRLS, DO YOU STILL WANT HUSBANDS, HMM?

EVIE, YOU WON'T HAVE TO BE SATISFIED WITH A MERE SHIP'S CAPTAIN.

I'LL GET YOU A MAN WHO CAN BUY YOU A WHOLE PLANET.

MAGGIE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE A COUNTESS.

RUTH, I'LL MAKE YOU A DUCHESS.

AND I--

I'LL BE RUNNING THIS STARSHIP.

CAPTAIN JAMES KIRK, THE NEXT ORDERS YOU'RE TAKING

WILL BE GIVEN BY HARCOURT FENTON MUDD!

CAPTAIN'S LOG-- STARDATE 1330.1.

POSITION-- 14 HOURS OUT OF RIGEL-12.

WE'RE ON AUXILIARY IMPULSE ENGINES. FUEL LOW,

BARELY SUFFICIENT TO ACHIEVE ORBIT OVER THE PLANET.

LITHIUM REPLACEMENTS ARE NOW IMPERATIVE.

THE EFFECT OF MUDD'S WOMEN ON MY CREW CONTINUES TO GROW,

STILL TOTALLY UNEXPLAINED.

HARRY MUDD IS CONFINED TO HIS QUARTERS UNDER GUARD.

Ruth: MAY I COME IN?

WHY, YES. PLEASE DO.

BY ALL MEANS.

CONNORS, ARE YOU FINISHED?

I WAS WONDERING WHAT THIS PLACE LOOKED LIKE.

[BEEPING]

IT'S FASCINATING.

WOULD--WOULD YOU

WALK PAST MY PANEL AGAIN, PLEASE?

YOUR WHAT?

MY MEDICAL SCANNER.

OH, WHY?

YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME AN EXAMINATION, ARE YOU?

NO. I WOULDN'T TRUST MY--

MY JUDGMENT, BELIEVE ME.

JUST WALK BY, PLEASE.

[BEEPING]

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

I WONDERED,

WILL YOU BE EXAMINING THE MINERS ON RIGEL-12?

YES, IF THEY NEED IT.

DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T ASKED YET?

[BEEPING STOPS]

ARE THEY IN GOOD HEALTH AND ALL THAT?

WHAT?

OH, YES, THEY'RE IN EXCELLENT HEALTH,

ALL 3 OF THEM.

OH. 3.

ARE YOU WEARING SOME UNUSUAL KIND OF PERFUME

OR SOMETHING RADIOACTIVE, MY DEAR?

NO. I'M JUST ME.

I WONDER WHAT MAKES IT DO THAT.

Eve: CAPTAIN?

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, MISS McHURON, I DO.

I WAS TRYING TO TAKE A WALK,

AND I JUST HAD TO RUN IN SOMEPLACE.

YOU SEE, I MEAN, ALL YOUR MEN WERE LOOKING AT ME,

FOLLOWING ME WITH THEIR EYES.

YES. I'LL HAVE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT THAT.

THEY, UH, THEY DON'T DO THAT ORDINARILY,

MISS McHURON,

BUT SOMEHOW, IN YOUR CASE,

AND THE LADIES WITH YOU, IT'S...

WELL, THEY'RE PROBABLY JUST LONELY.

I CAN UNDERSTAND LONELINESS.

YES.

YES, UH, NOW, MISS McHURON, IF YOU DON'T MIND--

I--I SUPPOSE--

I SUPPOSE YOU UNDERSTAND IT EVEN MORE.

I MEAN, HAVING TO RUN A HUGE SHIP LIKE THIS

WITH SO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY EVERY MINUTE,

AND HAVING TO BE SO CAREFUL

WITH ALL YOUR MEN LOOKING UP TO YOU.

WELL, IT PROBABLY APPEARS MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT IS.

HMM! I READ ONCE

A COMMANDER HAS TO ACT LIKE A PARAGON OF VIRTUE.

I NEVER MET A PARAGON.

NEITHER HAVE I.

WELL, OF COURSE NOT. NO ONE IS.

BUT SOME PEOPLE TRY TO PRETEND.

UM...

DO YOU, CAPTAIN?

MISS McHURON, I DON'T--

OH, NO! OH!

I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HARRY MUDD SAYS.

I DO LIKE YOU,

BUT I JUST CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT.

I HATE THIS WHOLE THING!

Mudd: JUST 3? YOU'RE SURE?

YES. THE MINERS ARE HEALTHY AND FAIRLY YOUNG.

LATER, DEAR. LATER.

MAGDA, DID YOU GET TO YOUR COMMUNICATIONS MAN?

THE HEAD MINER IS NAMED BEN CHILDRESS.

THE OTHERS ARE GOSSETT AND BENTON.

AND THEY'VE BEEN THERE--

ALMOST 3 YEARS NOW, ALONE!

PERFECT. PERFECT.

3 OF THEM,

AND 3 LOVELY LADIES HAS HARRY MUDD.

AND LITHIUM CRYSTALS, MY DEAR,

ARE WORTH 300 TIMES THEIR WEIGHT IN DIAMONDS,

THOUSANDS OF TIMES THEIR WEIGHT IN GOLD.

BUT THEY'LL BE DOWN THERE,

AND WE'LL BE UP HERE,

CIRCLING 100 MILES ABOVE THEM.

AND THERE'S A GUARD OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR, HARRY.

YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF YOUR CABIN.

NO, MY DEARS. AFTER ONE MORE LITTLE JOB FOR YOU,

IT WON'T BE HARRY MUDD THAT'S TRAPPED.

IT WILL BE A GENTLEMAN NAMED JAMES T...

I DON'T LIKE YOU!

AND I'M NOT VERY HAPPY WITH MYSELF, EITHER.

Mudd: WELL, I'M NOT REALLY SURPRISED.

I'VE SEEN YOU NOTICING THE CAPTAIN.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO NOTICE THEM!

OH.

OH, HARRY.

I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD.

I THINK IT MUST BE NEAR THE TIME.

I ASKED FOR A PREORBITAL COURSE, MR. FARRELL.

[BEEPS]

PREORBITAL COURSE LOCKED IN, SIR.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'M GIVING AN ORDER TWICE, GENTLEMEN.

WE'RE DOWN TO BATTERY POWER,

AND WE'RE LOW ON THAT.

IT WILL GET US TO RIGEL-12, SIR,

BUT IT'LL BE A SHAKY ORBIT.

JUST HANG US IN THERE LONG ENOUGH TO GET 6 CRYSTALS, SCOTTY.

THAT'S ALL WE NEED.

I'LL GET YOU THERE.

RIDICULOUS.

WHAT ARE WE RUNNING HERE?

DID YOU EXAMINE THEM?

DID YOU EXAMINE EVE?

SHE REFUSED.

WELL, COME ON, YOU'RE THE DOCTOR.

WHAT IS IT?

IS IT THAT WE'RE TIRED,

AND THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL?

AND THEY ARE INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL.

ARE THEY, JIM?

ARE THEY ACTUALLY MORE LOVELY,

POUND FOR POUND,

MEASUREMENT FOR MEASUREMENT,

THAN ANY OTHER WOMEN YOU'VE KNOWN?

OR IS IT THAT THEY JUST...

WELL, ACT BEAUTIFUL.

NO, STRIKE THAT.

STRIKE THAT.

WHAT ARE THEY, BONES?

YOU MEAN, ARE THEY ALIEN ILLUSIONS?

THAT SORT OF THING?

I ASKED YOU FIRST.

NO...

AN ALIEN SMART ENOUGH TO PULL THIS

WOULD BE SMART ENOUGH TO KEEP MY MEDICAL SCANNER FROM GOING "BLEEP!"

I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.

I DON'T EITHER.

SUB-SPACE FREQUENCY OF 3-9.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPS]

RIGEL-12. RIGEL-12.

Man: THIS IS RIGEL-12.

COME IN, ENTERPRISE.

WELL, THIS ISN'T EXACTLY THE ENTERPRISE.

MY NAME IS HARRY MUDD.

TO WHOM HAVE I THE PLEASURE OF SPEAKING, SIR?

POWER CURVE STILL DROPPING, CAPTAIN.

WE'LL MAKE ORBIT, SIR. A TEMPORARY ONE.

LAY IN. COMPUTER?

WE CAN SUSTAIN THIS ORBIT

FOR 3 DAYS, 7 HOURS.

MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME.

COMMUNICATIONS, HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE RIGEL-12 MINERS

MEET US HERE TO DISCUSS OUR NEED.

BEAM HIM UP FIRST PASS OVER THEIR CAMP.

YES, SIR.

LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING!

LOOK AT MY FACE.

GIVE US THE PILLS.

WHAT IF SOMEONE SEES US LIKE THIS?

YOU'LL NEVER FIND THEM, HARRY.

AND IF YOU DO FIND THEM,

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE?

A CHEAT.

IF YOU...CARE FOR SOMEONE,

REALLY CARE--

FOR WHOM, EVIE? FOR KIRK?

YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT SHIP'S CAPTAINS ARE ALREADY MARRIED, GIRL,

TO THEIR VESSELS.

YOU'D FIND THAT OUT

THE FIRST TIME YOU CAME BETWEEN HIM AND THE SHIP.

YOU'LL SEE.

I'M GOING BACK TO WHAT I WAS--UGLY.

I CAN'T STAND MYSELF LIKE THIS.

WHY DID YOU HIDE THEM, HARRY?

DON'T YOU TRUST US?

I DIDN'T HIDE THEM, GIRL.

I PUT THEM IN A SAFE PLACE IN CASE I WAS SEARCHED.

FIND THE PILL, HARRY!

MATTRESS!

YES! HERE!

GO ON, EVE. TAKE IT.

IT'S NOT A CHEAT.

IT'S A MIRACLE...

FOR SOME MAN WHO CAN APPRECIATE IT

AND WHO NEEDS IT.

Spock: EVEN BURNED AND CRACKED, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

DESTROYING THEM WAS A SHAME.

NOT AT ALL, MR. SPOCK. THE CHOICE WAS BURNING THIS LITHIUM CRYSTAL

OR THE DESTRUCTION OF ANOTHER MAN'S SHIP.

[BUZZER]

COME.

SIR, MINING CHIEF CHILDRESS AND MR. GOSSETT.

GOOD. SHOW THEM IN.

I'M JAMES KIRK, CAPTAIN OF THE ENTERPRISE.

THIS IS MY SCIENCE OFFICER MR. SPOCK.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO BUSINESS.

YOU WANT LITHIUM CRYSTALS, AND WE'VE GOT THEM.

FINE. I'M AUTHORIZED TO PAY AN EQUITABLE PRICE.

WE'RE NOT SURE THEY'RE FOR SALE, CAPTAIN.

WE MIGHT PREFER A SWAP.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

MUDD'S WOMEN.

IF WE LIKE THEM.

WE'D LIKE TO HAVE A LOOK AT THEM FIRST, OF COURSE.

RIGHT. TROT THEM OUT, CAPTAIN.

OH, AND HARRY MUDD--

EITHER WAY, I'VE AGREED TO HAVE HIM RELEASED.

CHARGES DROPPED.

HA HA HA!

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

YOU'VE GOT NO CHOICE, KIRK.

YOU BEAM A LANDING PARTY DOWN,

AND YOU WON'T FIND ONE BLESSED CRYSTAL.

NO DEAL.

YOU'RE A LONG WAY OUT IN SPACE, GENTLEMEN.

YOU'LL NEED MEDICAL HELP,

CARGO RUNS, STARSHIP PROTECTION.

YOU WANT TO CONSIDER THOSE FACTS, TOO?

COME ALONG, LADIES. COME ALONG.

YOU MUST BE BEN CHILDRESS.

COME ON NOW, GIRLS. COME ON.

AND YOU MUST BE HERM GOSSETT.

Gossett: YES, I RECKON I AM.

ONE THING I'LL SAY FOR YOU, MUDD--

YOU'RE NOT A LIAR.

LADIES, YOU ARE WELCOME.

Kirk: IT'S STILL NO DEAL!

CONSERVING BATTERIES, SIR. HALF POWER.

I'M TOLD THEY HAVE ONLY 3 DAYS OF ORBIT LEFT

BEFORE THEY START SPIRALING IN. TSK TSK TSK.

I DO HATE TO SEE YOU SUFFERING SUCH A SITUATION, CAPTAIN,

BUT TRUTH IS TRUTH,

AND THE SAD FACT IS, YOU WILL DEAL.

SOONER OR LATER, YOU'LL HAVE TO.

CAPTAIN'S LOG--

TRANSPORTING DOWN TO SURFACE OF PLANET RIGEL-12

TO ACQUIRE REPLACEMENT LITHIUM CRYSTALS.

EXPECT FURTHER DIFFICULTY FROM MINERS.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

ALL RIGHT, CHILDRESS. YOU'VE WON.

NOW I'LL TAKE THE LITHIUM CRYSTALS.

WHEN I HAVE THE TIME, KIRK.

HA HA HA!

CHILDRESS.

WE'RE BUSY, MR. KIRK.

WE...DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO SPARE, CAPTAIN.

YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA?

BLOWS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME.

[WIND HOWLING]

YOU CAN GET LOST

A DOZEN FEET FROM YOUR OWN DOORSTEP,

THE WIND COMES UP SUDDEN.

[CRACKLING]

MAGNETIC STORM.

THAT MEANS THE WIND WILL REALLY RIP SOON.

DANCE WITH ME.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

NO, I--

[COUGHING]

NO.

I'M SORRY. I GUESS IT MUST BE THE DUST.

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS ON RIGEL...

ALL THE TIME.

[LAUGHING]

HEY.

GO AWAY.

I'M CUTTING IN.

NOT ON ME.

Mudd: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN A RAFFLE

AND THE LOSER GETS ME?

Miner: YOU CAN'T GO OUT THERE! YOU'LL GET KILLED.

JUST HAVE THOSE CRYSTALS HERE WHEN I GET BACK.

EVE!

EVE!

CAPTAIN'S LOG-- HAVE TRANSPORTED ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE

TO IMPLEMENT SEARCH WITH INFRARED SCANNERS AND SENSING SYSTEM.

MAGNETIC STORMS ON THE PLANET'S SURFACE

ARE CUTTING DOWN SPEED AND EFFICIENCY OF OUR EQUIPMENT.

SEARCH NOW IN PROGRESS FOR 3 HOURS, 18 MINUTES.

TRAVERSE PARALLEL 3 AND 4.

CHECKING...

BUT NOT GETTING MUCH.

THE STORM IS IONIZING THE ATMOSPHERE, CAPTAIN.

GETTING DIFFICULT TO PROBE THROUGH IT.

CAPTAIN, THIS IS DRAINING OUR BATTERIES FURTHER.

IF WE ONLY HAD THOSE CRYSTALS.

BUT WE DON'T! I DIDN'T GET ANY.

I SHOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY. SATISFIED, MR. SCOTT?

LOSING COMMUNICATIONS WITH THE MINERS, SIR.

MAGNETIC STORM SEEMS WORSE.

HAS CHILDRESS REPORTED IN YET?

NO, SIR. HE AND THE GIRL ARE STILL MISSING.

SORRY, SCOTTY.

HOW MUCH POWER DO WE HAVE LEFT?

ABOUT 5 HOURS, SIR.

CAPTAIN'S LOG--

HAVE EXPENDED ALL BUT 43 MINUTES OF POWER.

SHIP'S CONDITION-- CRITICAL.

SEARCH NOW IN PROGRESS 7 HOURS, 31 MINUTES.

MAGNETIC STORMS ARE EASING.

INFRARED READING.

CHECK TRAVERSE 3,

GRID 0-4-0.

ABOUT 11 MILES. BEARING 1-2-1 FROM THE MINING COMPANY.

Sulu: THAT'S BEN CHILDRESS' QUARTERS.

THERE'S A HEAT UNIT OPERATING THERE.

IT COULD BE A COOKSTOVE.

HAVE MUDD MEET ME IN THE TRANSPORTER ROOM.

MUDD?

THE NAME OF THIS GAME.

[THUDS]

I HAD THINGS WHERE I WANTED THEM.

I ATE SOME OF YOUR FOOD,

SO I PAID WITH SOME CHORES.

AND I DO MY OWN COOKING.

AAH!

I'VE NOT LAID A HAND ON YOU.

REMEMBER THAT.

OH, THE SOUND OF MALE EGO.

YOU TRAVEL HALFWAY ACROSS THE GALAXY,

AND IT'S STILL THE SAME SONG.

THERE. YOU GOING TO EAT OR TALK?

I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED TO SIT, TASTE, AND ROLL MY EYES.

"OOH, FEMALE COOKING AGAIN."

I'VE TASTED BETTER...

BY MY OWN HAND.

YOU'RE TASTING SOME OF IT NOW.

I COULDN'T SCRAPE 3 LAYERS

OF YOUR LEAVINGS OUT OF THAT PAN.

YOU FIND ME A WELL, SOME DECENT WATER. THEN TALK.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU HANG YOUR PAN OUT IN THE WIND

AND LET THE SAND BLAST IT CLEAN?

OR HADN'T YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT?

IT MIGHT WORK.

THAT SOLITAIRE?

DOUBLE JACK.

THE RED 8 OUGHT TO GO ON THE BLACK 9.

NOT IN DOUBLE JACK.

YOU'RE NOT ONLY PLAIN AS AN OLD BUCKET,

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOOD COMPANY.

WHAT THE DEVIL HAPPENED TO YOUR LOOKS, ANYWAY?

I GOT TIRED OF YOU.

I SLUMPED.

YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID. YOU'RE HOMELY!

I'VE GOT ENOUGH IN CRYSTALS ALREADY TO BUY QUEENS...

BY THE GROSS!

I DIDN'T TOUCH HER.

THANK HEAVEN YOU FOUND HER.

SHE'S BEEN BUBBLING WITH GRATITUDE EVER SINCE.

SIT DOWN.

TELL HIM.

TELL HIM, HARRY.

AH. YES, WELL--

THE VENUS DRUGS, HARRY.

VENUS DRUG?

I'VE HEARD OF IT, BUT...

ISN'T THAT JUST ONE OF THOSE STORIES?

OH, IT EXISTS...

ILLEGALLY.

WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU SEE,

IT'S A RELATIVELY HARMLESS DRUG.

HARMLESS?

YEAH, UH...

WELL, WHAT IT DOES IS GIVE YOU MORE

OF WHATEVER YOU HAVE.

WELL, WITH MEN, IT MAKES THEM MORE MUSCULAR.

WOMEN, ROUNDER.

MEN, MORE AGGRESSIVE. WOMEN, MORE FEMININE, AND--

HE GAVE IT TO THE WOMEN BEFORE YOU MET THEM.

DOES THAT MEAN THE OTHERS...

THEY REALLY LOOK LIKE SHE DOES?

MR. CHILDRESS, I--

IS THAT WHAT IT MEANS?

YES, THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PARTNERS?

THEY'VE LEFT FOR THEIR QUARTERS DURING THE STORM, CHILDRESS.

THEY'RE MARRIED--

SUBSPACE RADIO MARRIAGE.

IT WAS A FRAUD. THEY CAN GET OUT OF IT.

IF THEY WANT TO.

WHY?

Mudd: YOU CAN'T CONDEMN THE WOMEN.

I CAN!

A MAN GOES OUT AND FIGHTS,

ALMOST DIES.

WE ALL ALMOST DIE.

WE SHOULD HAVE, BUT WE DIDN'T.

AND NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THE GOOD LIFE IN OUR HANDS,

YOU BRING US WOMEN FOR WIVES THAT--

YOU DON'T WANT WIVES!

YOU WANT THIS.

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MR. CHILDRESS.

AND I HOPE YOU REMEMBER IT AND DREAM ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!

IT'S NOT REAL!

IS THIS THE KIND OF WIFE YOU WANT, BEN?

NOT SOMEONE TO HELP YOU.

NOT A WIFE TO COOK

AND SEW AND CRY

AND NEED,

BUT THIS KIND?

SELFISH,

VAIN,

USELESS.

IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT?

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

HERE IT IS.

QUITE A WOMAN, EH, CHILDRESS?

A FAKE...

PUMPED UP BY A DRUG.

BY HERSELF.

SHE TOOK NO DRUG.

I SWALLOWED IT.

COLORED GELATIN.

YES, THEY TOOK AWAY MY DRUG

AND SUBSTITUTED THAT.

BUT THAT CAN'T BE.

THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF WOMAN.

OR MAN, FOR THAT MATTER.

YOU EITHER BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, OR YOU DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, CHILDRESS.

I'VE GONE AS FAR WITH YOU AS I INTEND TO.

I WANT THOSE LITHIUM CRYSTALS, AND I WANT THEM NOW.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPS]

ENTERPRISE, THIS IS KIRK.

SPOCK HERE, CAPTAIN.

STAND BY.

DO I BEAM DOWN A SEARCH PARTY?

NO.

THE CRYSTALS ARE HERE,

AND YOU'RE WELCOME TO THEM.

STAND BY, MR. SPOCK.

WE'RE COMING ABOARD WITH THE LITHIUM CRYSTALS.

Spock: HOW MANY COMING, CAPTAIN?

EVE WILL STAY...

TODAY, AT LEAST.

WE, UH...

WE WANT TO TALK.

EVE?

YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE UP THERE CALLED THE ENTERPRISE.

2 OF US, MR. SPOCK.

COME ALONG, MR. MUDD.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU COULD POSSIBLY, BY ACCIDENT,

ARRANGE TO LEAVE ME BEHIND HERE?

ON THIS PLANET, THAT WOULD BE PUNISHMENT ENOUGH.

I CAN'T DO THAT, HARRY.

BUT I WILL APPEAR AS A CHARACTER WITNESS AT YOUR TRIAL,

IF YOU THINK THAT'LL HELP.

THEY'LL THROW AWAY THE KEY.

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE A TALK YOU MADE DOWN THERE.

EVER TRY CONSIDERING THE PATENT MEDICINE BUSINESS?

WHY SHOULD I WORK YOUR SIDE OF THE STREET?

I'M HAPPY THE AFFAIR IS OVER.

A MOST ANNOYING EMOTIONAL EPISODE.

SMACK RIGHT IN THE OLD HEART.

OH, I'M SORRY.

IN YOUR CASE, IT WOULD BE ABOUT HERE.

THE FACT THAT MY INTERNAL ARRANGEMENT DIFFERS FROM YOURS, DOCTOR,

PLEASES ME NO END.

Farrell: COURSE PLOTTED

AND ALL SYSTEMS IN OPERATION.

Sulu: ENGINES ENGAGED. HELM ANSWERING.

OUT OF ORBIT, SIR.

AHEAD FULL.

AHEAD FULL, SIR.