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The Squire of Gothos

[ MUSIC ]

ALL CLEAR AHEAD, CAPTAIN.

SENSORS INDICATE ZERO REGISTER.

FORWARD READINGS, MR. SPOCK.

BAROMETRIC READING, NO SIGNIFICANCE CHANGE,

ZERO SPACE DENSITY.

AHEAD WARP FACTOR THREE, MR. SULU.

COLONY BETA SIX WANTS THEIR SUPPLIES.

WE'LL GET ACROSS THIS VOID IN A HURRY.

VOID, STAR DESERT.

THE WORD CONJURES UP PICTURES OF DUNES, OASES, MIRAGES.

SUNLIGHT, PALM TREES.

WE'RE 900 LIGHT YEARS FROM THAT KIND OF DESERT, BONES.

THE PRECISE MEANING OF THE WORD DESERT

IS A WATERLESS, BARREN WASTELAND.

I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND YOUR ROMANTIC NOSTALGIA

FOR SUCH A PLACE.

DOESN'T SURPRISE ME, MR. SPOCK.

I CAN'T IMAGINE A MIRAGE EVER DISTURBING

THOSE MATHEMATICALLY PERFECT BRAIN WAVES OF YOURS.

THANK YOU, DR. McCOY.

MOVING ON SCHEDULE INTO QUADRANT 904,

BETA SIX IS EIGHT DAYS DISTANT.

SOMETHING, MR. SPOCK?

UNUSUAL, CAPTAIN.

I'M NOW GETTING A SIZABLE SPACE DISPLACEMENT READING.

CAN YOU VERIFY THAT, NAVIGATOR?

NO, SIR. FORWARD SWEEPS ARE NEGATIVE.

WAIT! VERIFIED, SIR.

WE MUST BE IN SOME SORT OF LIGHT WARP

OR WE WOULD HAVE PICKED IT UP EARLIER.

PUT IT ON VISUAL.

IRON SILICA BODY, PLANET SIZE, MAGNITUDE 1E.

WE'LL BE PASSING CLOSE.

INCONCEIVABLE THIS BODY HAS GONE UNNOTED ON ALL OUR RECORDS.

AND YET HERE IT IS. NO TIME TO INVESTIGATE.

SCIENCE STATIONS GATHER DATA FOR COMPUTER BANKS.

UHURA, NOTIFY THE DISCOVERY ON SUBSPACE RADIO.

STRONG INTERFERENCE ON SUBSPACE, CAPTAIN.

THE PLANET MUST BE A NATURAL RADIO SOURCE.

LET'S GET OUT OF ITS RANGE.

VEER 40 DEGREES TO STARBOARD, MR. SULU.

40 DEGREES.

SULU!

MR. SPOCK, THEY'RE GONE!

EMERGENCY! FULL REVERSE POWER!

[ MUSIC ]

SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER.

THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE.

ITS FIVE-YEAR MISSION: TO EXPLORE STRANGE, NEW WORLDS,

TO SEEK OUT NEW LIFE AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS,

TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.

SHIP'S LOG, STARDATE 2124.5.

FIRST OFFICER SPOCK REPORTING FOR CAPTAIN JAMES KIRK.

WE ARE ORBITING THE LONE UNRECORDED PLANET

IN THE STAR DESERT.

FOR FOUR HOURS, WE HAVE MADE EVERY POSSIBLE INSTRUMENT SWEEP,

BUT CAPTAIN KIRK AND HELMSMAN SULU

REMAIN UNACCOUNTED FOR.

I HAVE PLACED THE SHIP ON RED ALERT.

WE'VE SEARCHED AGAIN FROM STEM TO STERN.

IF THEY'RE NOT DOWN ON THAT PLANET,

THEY'RE NOWHERE.

NO SIGN OF HUMAN LIFE ON THE SURFACE, SIR,

UNLESS THE INSTRUMENTS AREN'T FUNCTIONING.

FUNCTION IS NORMAL. CONTINUE SENSOR SWEEPS.

LIEUTENANT UHURA, HAVE YOU CHECKED ALL WAVE BANDS?

ALL OF THEM, MR. SPOCK. NO RESPONSE.

WITH DUE RESPECT, SIR, REQUEST PERMISSION

TO TRANSPORT TO THE SURFACE IMMEDIATELY

AND CARRY OUT SEARCH.

I SECOND DESALLE'S REQUEST. WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

THE DECISION WILL BE MINE, DOCTOR.

I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SAFETY.

MR. JAEGER, DESCRIBE YOUR GEOPHYSICAL FINDINGS

FOR THE SURFACE BELOW.

NO DETECTABLE SOIL OR VEGETATION, EXTREMELY HOT,

TOXIC ATMOSPHERE SWEPT BY TORNADIC STORMS,

CONTINUOUS VOLCANIC ERUPTIONS, DEADLY TO ANY LIFE FORM

SUCH AS WE KNOW IT WITHOUT OXYGEN

AND LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS.

ESTIMATE SURVIVAL TIME OF TWO UNPROTECTED INDIVIDUALS

DOWN THERE.

NOT VERY LONG.

MR. SPOCK, LOOK.

GREETINGS AND FELICITATIONS.

HMM. SEND THIS, LIEUTENANT.

USS ENTERPRISE TO SIGNALER ON PLANET SURFACE.

IDENTIFY SELF.

[ BEEPING ]

HIP HIP HOORAH?

AND I BELIEVE IT'S PRONOUNCED TALLYHO.

SOME KIND OF A JOKE, SIR?

I'LL ENTERTAIN ANY THEORIES, MR. DESALLE, ANY AT ALL.

ONE THING IS CERTAIN.

OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S LIFE ON THAT PLANET.

YOU'RE QUITE CORRECT, DOCTOR. PREPARE TRANSPORTER ROOM.

REQUEST ASSIGNMENT TO THE SEARCH PARTY, SIR.

NO, MR. SCOTT.

NEITHER YOU NOR I CAN BE SPARED HERE.

MR. DESALLE, YOU'LL EQUIP THE LANDING PARTY

WITH FULL COMMUNICATIONS, ARMAMENT AND LIFE SUPPORT GEAR.

MR. JAEGER, YOUR GEOPHYSICAL KNOWLEDGE

MAY BE CRUCIAL DOWN THERE.

DR. McCOY WILL ACCOMPANY.

IF THOSE PECULIAR SIGNALS ARE COMING FROM CAPTAIN KIRK

OR LIEUTENANT SULU,

THEIR RATIONALITY IS IN QUESTION.

DISMISSED.

[ MUSIC ]

[ BEEPING ]

NO MORE MESSAGES FROM BELOW, SIR,

BUT I'VE LOCKED ON TO THEIR ORIGINAL SOURCE.

VERY GOOD.

TRANSMIT COORDINATES TO MR. SCOTT.

ONCE ON THE PLANET'S SURFACE,

YOU'LL ESTABLISH CONTACT WITH US IMMEDIATELY.

USE THE LASER BEACON IF NECESSARY.

READY, SCOTT?

READY, MR. SPOCK.

ACTIVATE.

[ TRANSPORTER BEAM ]

WHERE ARE YOUR STORMS, JAEGER?

ATMOSPHERE EXACTLY THE SAME AS OURS.

DESALLE TO ENTERPRISE, DESALLE TO ENTERPRISE.

IT DOESN'T FUNCTION. WE'RE CUT OFF.

[ BEEPING ]

NO RESPONSE.

KEEP TRYING WITH YOURS.

[ BEEPING ]

SOMETHING'S BLOCKING THE BEACON. GOT TO FIND OPEN GROUND.

JAEGER! McCOY!

[ MUSIC ]

IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN, WHERE ARE WE?

LOOK!

[ MUSIC ]

THERE'S NO READING. THEY'RE LIKE WAXWORKS FIGURES.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ MUSIC ]

I MUST SAY THEY MAKE A PERFECTLY EXQUISITE DISPLAY PAIR,

BUT I SUPPOSE YOU WANT THEM BACK NOW.

WHERE ARE WE?

WELCOME TO AN ISLAND OF PEACE ON MY STORMY LITTLE PLANET

OF GOTHOS.

WHAT HAPPENED? FILL ME IN.

YOU DISAPPEARED FROM THE BRIDGE AFTER SULU.

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR FOUR HOURS.

YOU MUST EXCUSE MY WHIMSICAL WAY OF FETCHING YOU HERE.

BUT WHEN I SAW YOU PASSING BY, I SIMPLY COULD NOT RESIST.

I'M CAPTAIN JAMES KIRK OF THE UNITED STARSHIP ENTERPRISE.

AH, SO YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF THESE BRAVE LADS.

MY GREETINGS AND FELICITATIONS, CAPTAIN.

SO GOOD OF YOU AND YOUR OFFICERS TO DROP IN.

ABSOLUTELY SMASHING.

WHO ARE YOU? WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?

GENERAL TRELANE, RETIRED. AT YOUR SERVICE, SIRS.

MY HOME IS YOUR HOME.

[ MUSIC ]

WE'VE LOST CONTACT WITH THE SHIP, CAPTAIN.

WE'RE TRAPPED HERE.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW DELIGHTED I AM

TO HAVE VISITORS FROM THE VERY PLANET

THAT I'VE MADE MY HOBBY.

YES, BUT ACCORDING TO MY OBSERVATIONS,

I DIDN'T THINK YOU CAPABLE OF SUCH VOYAGES.

NOTICE THE PERIOD, CAPTAIN, 900 LIGHT YEARS FROM EARTH.

IT'S WHAT MIGHT BE SEEN THROUGH A VIEWING SCOPE

IF IT WERE POWERFUL ENOUGH.

AH, YES.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING IN ON THE DOINGS

ON YOUR LIVELY LITTLE EARTH.

THEN YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING IN ON THE DOINGS 900 YEARS PAST.

OH, REALLY? HAVE I MADE AN ERROR IN TIME?

HOW FALLIBLE OF ME.

OH, I DID SO WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME.

I'M QUITE PROUD OF THE DETAIL.

GENERAL TRELANE...

RETIRED, SIR. JUST SQUIRE TRELANE NOW.

AND YOU MAY CALL ME SQUIRE. YES, I RATHER FANCY THAT.

FOR WHAT PURPOSE HAVE YOU IMPRISONED US HERE?

IMPRISONED? NONSENSE. YOU'RE MY GUESTS.

YOU SEE, I JUST FINISHED MY STUDIES OF YOUR CURIOUS

AND FASCINATING SOCIETY.

YOU CAME BY AT THE MOST PROPITIOUS MOMENT.

I WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR CAMPAIGNS,

YOUR BATTLES, YOUR MISSIONS OF CONQUEST.

OUR MISSIONS ARE PEACEFUL, NOT TO CONQUEST.

WHEN WE DO BATTLE,

IT IS ONLY BECAUSE WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

BUT THAT'S THE OFFICIAL STORY, EH?

I MUST ASK YOU TO LET US GO BACK TO OUR SHIP.

OH, I WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT. YOU SHALL JOIN ME IN A REPAST.

I WANT TO LEARN ALL ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS ON WAR

AND KILLING AND CONQUEST, THAT SORT OF THING.

DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW PREDATOR SPECIES

THAT PREYS EVEN ON ITSELF?

NOT YET.

PUT IT ON STUN, NOT TO KILL, DESALLE.

DESALLE, DID YOU SAY?

[ SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]

MY ANCESTRY IS FRENCH, YES.

AH, MONSIEUR! [ SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]

YOU KNOW, I ADMIRE YOUR NAPOLEON VERY MUCH.

THIS IS MR. DESALLE, OUR NAVIGATOR;

DR. McCOY, OUR MEDICAL OFFICER; MR. SULU, OUR HELMSMAN;

AND CARL JAEGER, METEOROLOGIST.

WELCOME, GOOD PHYSICIANER AND HONORABLE SIR.

IS HE KIDDING?

UND, OFFICER JAEGER...

[ SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]

I'M A SCIENTIST, NOT A MILITARY MAN.

OH, COME NOW.

WE'RE ALL MILITARY MEN UNDER THE SKIN.

AND HOW WE DO LOVE OUR UNIFORMS.

WHAT AN INTERESTING WEAPON YOU'VE GOT THERE.

DO LET ME SEE IT.

YES.

NOW, LET ME SEE.

HOW DOES THIS WORK?

AH, YES.

THIS WON'T KILL, AND THIS WILL.

OH.

[ PHASER FIRING ]

OH, HOW MARVELOUS.

[ PHASER FIRING ]

DEVASTATING.

WHY, THIS COULD KILL MILLIONS.

WHO WILL YOU START WITH, MY CREW?

ARE WE YOUR NEXT TARGETS?

OH, HOW ABSOLUTELY TYPICAL OF YOUR SPECIES.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, SO YOU BECOME FEARFUL.

NOW, DO LET ME ANTICIPATE YOUR NEXT QUESTION.

YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I MANAGED ALL OF THIS.

THAT'S CORRECT.

[ SMIRKS ]

WE, MEANING I AND OTHERS, HAVE, TO STATE THE MATTER BRIEFLY,

PERFECTED A SYSTEM BY WHICH MATTER

CAN BE TRANSFERRED TO ENERGY AND BACK TO MATTER AGAIN.

LIKE THE TRANSPORTER SYSTEM ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE.

OH, A CRUDE EXAMPLE OF AN INFINITELY

MORE SOPHISTICATED PROCESS.

YOU SEE, WE NOT ONLY TRANSPORT MATTER FROM PLACE TO PLACE,

BUT WE CAN ALTER ITS SHAPE AT WILL.

THIS DRAWING ROOM, DID YOU CREATE IT

BY REARRANGING MATTER ON THIS PLANET?

QUITE.

I SEE.

HOW DID YOU MANAGE...

DEAR CAPTAIN, YOUR INQUIRIES ARE BECOMING TIRESOME.

I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. FREE YOURSELF OF CARE.

LET'S ENJOY OURSELVES IN THE SPIRIT

OF MARTIAL GOOD FELLOWSHIP.

COME ON, LET'S GO. WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE.

TUT, TUT, TUT! YOU'RE BEING QUITE RUDE.

YOU CAN'T GO.

APPARENTLY, YOU NEED ANOTHER DEMONSTRATION

OF MY AUTHORITY.

YES, QUITE.

[ MUSIC ]

[ COUGHING ]

NOW, THAT'S A SAMPLE OF THE ATMOSPHERE OF THIS PLANET

OUTSIDE MY KINDLY INFLUENCE.

NOW, YOU WILL BEHAVE YOURSELF HERE, CAPTAIN, WON'T YOU?

OR I SHALL BE VERY, VERY ANGRY.

[ MUSIC ]

CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 2125.7.

SCIENCE OFFICER SPOCK REPORTING FOR CAPTAIN KIRK.

WE'VE COMPLETED 14th ORBIT OF THIS PLANET

WITHOUT ESTABLISHING CONTACT WITH OUR MISSING OFFICERS

OR THE PARTY SENT TO FIND THEM.

SUBSPACE COMMUNICATIONS REMAIN BLOCKED.

HOWEVER, BY DIVERTING THE IMPULSE POWER

TO OUR SENSORS, WE HAVE MADE THEM OPERABLE,

AND WE HAVE DETECTED ONE SMALL AREA ON THE SURFACE

WHICH SEEMS RELATIVELY STABLE.

AYE, IT'S THERE, MR. SPOCK.

PEACEFUL AS EARTH, BUT HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN IT?

I DON'T, MR. SCOTT. IT SIMPLY EXISTS.

ARTIFICIAL PERHAPS OR A FREAK OF NATURE,

BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT LIFE CAN EXIST IN THAT AREA.

AYE, IT COULD.

BUT IT COULDN'T MOVE AROUND MUCH.

APPLY A FINE TUNING ON OUR SENSORS.

LOCATE ANY LIFE FORMS IN THAT STABLE AREA.

EVEN IF WE FIND ANY,

IT DOESN'T FOLLOW THAT IT WOULD BE OUR PEOPLE.

AFFIRMATIVE.

BUT IF THE CAPTAIN IS DOWN THERE AND ALIVE,

THAT'S WHERE HE'LL HAVE TO BE.

WE'LL ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT UP ANY LIVING BEINGS

OUR SENSORS DETECT.

SHOOTING IN THE DARK, MR. SPOCK?

OR STAND BY AND DO NOTHING, MR. SCOTT.

[ MUSIC ]

AND THIS, OF COURSE, IS AN ARRAY OF YOUR BATTLE FLAGS

AND PENNANTS DATING BACK TO THE CRUSADES,

TO HANNIBAL'S INVADERS, THE GRECIAN WAR GALLEYS

AND THE HOARDS OF PERSIA.

CAN'T YOU IMAGINE IT, CAPTAIN, THE THOUSANDS OF MEN

MARCHING OFF TO THEIR DEATHS SINGING BENEATH THESE BANNERS?

DOESN'T IT MAKE YOUR BLOOD RUN SWIFTLY?

CAPTAIN, WHERE COULD HE POSSIBLY COME FROM?

[ MUSIC ]

WHO IS THIS MANIAC?

BETTER SAY, WHAT IS HE? I MONITORED HIM.

WHAT I FOUND WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

NOT ALIVE?

NOT IN THE WAY WE DEFINE LIFE. NO TRACE, ZERO.

YOU MEAN, IT SHOWS HE'S DEAD?

IT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW THAT HE EXISTS AT ALL,

ALIVE OR DEAD.

NOTICE THE WOOD FIRE, CAPTAIN, BURNING STEADILY,

EMBER BED GLOWING?

IT DOESN'T GIVE OFF ANY HEAT AT ALL.

FIRE WITHOUT HEAT,

MISTAKING ALL THIS FOR PRESENT-DAY EARTH

WITHOUT TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE TIME DIFFERENTIAL.

WHATEVER WE'RE DEALING WITH,

HE CERTAINLY ISN'T ALL KNOWLEDGEABLE.

HE MAKES MISTAKES.

DISCUSSING DEEP-LAID PLANS, I'LL WAGER.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM EVOLVE.

TRELANE, WE HAVEN'T PLANNED--

TUT, TUT.

DO NOT THINK THAT I DEPLORE YOUR MARTIAL VIRTUE OF DECEPTION

AND STRATAGEM.

QUITE THE CONTRARY.

I HAVE NOTHING BUT ADMIRATION FOR YOUR WHOLE SPECIES.

IF YOUR ADMIRATION IS GENUINE,

YOU MUST HAVE RESPECT FOR OUR SENSE OF DUTY TOO.

OUR SHIP HAS NEED OF US. WE HAVE TASKS TO PERFORM.

OH, I CAN'T LET YOU GO NOW.

I WAS GETTING A BIT BORED UNTIL YOU CAME.

YOU MUST STAY.

I INSIST.

FOR HOW LONG?

UNTIL THIS IS OVER, OF COURSE.

UNTIL WHAT IS OVER?

DEAR CAPTAIN, SO MANY QUESTIONS.

MAKE THE MOST OF AN UNCERTAIN FUTURE.

ENJOY YOURSELVES TODAY. TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME AT ALL.

TRELANE, EVEN IF WE WANTED TO STAY,

OUR COMPANIONS ARE MISSING US.

YES.

I MUST EXPERIENCE YOUR SENSE OF CONCERN,

YOUR GRIEF AT THE SEPARATION.

THERE ARE 400 MEN AND WOMEN ABOARD THAT SHIP.

WOMEN?

DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE MEMBERS OF THE FAIRER SEX

AMONG YOUR CREW?

OH, HOW CHARMING.

AND THEY MUST BE ALL VERY BEAUTIFUL.

AND I SHALL BE SO VERY GALLANT TO THEM.

HERE, LET ME FETCH THEM DOWN AT ONCE.

NO.

NO?

THIS GAME HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.

THOSE ARE CRUCIAL OPERATING PERSONNEL.

YOU CAN'T--

I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT.

I SHOULD THINK THAT YOU WOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT BY NOW.

[ BEEPING ]

CAPTAIN, RECEIVING A TRANSPORTER SIGNAL.

TRANSPORTER SIGNAL? WHAT DOES HE MEAN?

YOU MUST TELL ME.

IT MEANS, TRELANE, THE PARTY'S OVER,

THANKS TO MR. SPOCK.

WAIT! I WON'T HAVE THIS! I HAVEN'T DISMISSED YOU YET!

STOP! I WON'T HAVE THIS!

EVERYONE'S STATIONED. REPORT, MR. SPOCK.

HOW WERE OUR SCANNERS ABLE TO PENETRATE

THAT RADIATION FIELD?

THEY DIDN'T, CAPTAIN, NOT CLEARLY.

WE MERELY BEAMED UP ALL LIFE FORMS IN A GIVEN AREA.

WHICH MEANS TRELANE IS NOT A LIFE FORM

AS WE KNOW IT OR HE'D BE BEAMING THROUGH NOW.

PREPARE TO WARP OUT OF HERE AT ONCE, MAXIMUM SPEED.

[ MUSIC ]

CAPTAIN, I WAS SO WORRIED.

SCOTTY, WE'RE GONNA NEED EVERY OUNCE OF YOUR ENGINES.

WE'RE GONNA PUT A HUNDRED MILLION MILES

BETWEEN US AND THAT MAD MAN.

AYE, AYE, SIR.

I'M QUAKING, BUT I DON'T KNOW

WHETHER IT'S WITH LAUGHTER OR TERROR.

DOCTOR, WHAT WAS IT? WHAT WAS DOWN THERE?

WELL, IT WAS A--OH, FORGET IT.

LOOK!

[ MUSIC ]

WHERE ARE ALL YOUR WEAPONS, CAPTAIN?

DON'T YOU DISPLAY YOUR WEAPONS?

TRELANE.

DON'T FRET, CAPTAIN. I'M ONLY A BIT UPSET WITH YOU.

BUT THIS MR. SPOCK YOU MENTIONED,

THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT UNSEEMLY IMPUDENT ACT

OF TAKING YOU FROM ME, WHICH IS HE?

I AM SPOCK.

SURELY NOT AN OFFICER. HE ISN'T QUITE HUMAN, IS HE?

MY FATHER IS FROM THE PLANET VULCAN.

AND ARE ITS NATIVES PREDATORY?

NOT GENERALLY, BUT THERE HAVE BEEN EXCEPTIONS.

REALLY? YOU WILL SEE TO HIS PUNISHMENT?

ON THE CONTRARY, I COMMEND HIS ACTION.

BUT I DON'T LIKE HIM.

GET OFF MY SHIP.

OH, ROT! YOU'RE ALL GOING BACK WITH ME.

WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

NONSENSE.

I HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY ENCHANTING SOJOURN

ON GOTHOS PLANET FOR ALL OF YOU, AND YOU SHAN'T SPOIL IT FOR ME.

ANYWAY, THE DECOR OF MY DRAWING ROOM

IS MUCH MORE APPROPRIATE AND TASTEFUL.

DON'T YOU AGREE?

NO.

BUT SO MUCH MORE FITTING, HONORABLE SIR.

YOU...

OH, WHAT PRIMITIVE FURY.

WHY, HE'S THE VERY SOUL OF SUBLIME SAVAGERY.

TRELANE, LET HIM GO.

WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOT OUR PHASERS.

YES, OF COURSE.

I FORGET THAT I SHOULDN'T FRIGHTEN YOU TOO MUCH.

BUT I WARN YOU. YOU CAN'T PROVOKE ME AGAIN.

COME, EVERYONE. LET'S FORGET YOUR BAD MANNERS.

LET'S BE FULL OF MERRY TALK AND SALLIES OF WIT.

WE HAVE VICTUALS TO DELIGHT THE PALATE

AND BRAVE COMPANY TO DELIGHT THE MIND.

COME, DOCTOR, DO PARTAKE.

AH, YOU'VE BEEN QUITE DERELICT IN YOUR SOCIAL DUTIES, CAPTAIN.

YOU HAVEN'T INTRODUCED ME TO THE CHARMING CONTINGENT

OF YOUR CREW.

THIS IS GENERAL TRELANE.

RETIRED.

BUT IF YOU PREFER, YOU MAY ADDRESS ME

AS THE LONELY SQUIRE OF GOTHOS, DEAR LADIES.

LIEUTENANT UHURA OF COMMUNICATIONS.

AH, A NUBIAN PRIZE.

TAKEN ON ONE OF YOUR RAIDS OF CONQUEST, NO DOUBT, CAPTAIN?

NO DOUBT.

SHE HAS THE MELTING EYES OF THE QUEEN OF SHEBA,

THE SAME LOVELY COLORING.

AND THIS.

IS THIS THE FACE THAT LAUNCHED A THOUSAND SHIPS

AND BURNT THE TOPLESS TOWERS OF ILIUM?

FAIR HELEN, MAKE ME A MORTAL WITH A KISS.

YEOMAN TERESA ROSS.

I BELIEVE YOU HAVE MET OUR SCIENCE OFFICER, MR. SPOCK.

YOU DO REALIZE, DON'T YOU, THAT IT'S IN DEFERENCE

TO THE CAPTAIN THAT I BROUGHT YOU HERE?

AFFIRMATIVE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE YOUR TONE.

IT'S MOST CHALLENGING.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING, CHALLENGING ME?

I OBJECT TO YOU.

I OBJECT TO INTELLECT WITHOUT DISCIPLINE.

I OBJECT TO POWER WITHOUT CONSTRUCTIVE PURPOSE.

OH, MR. SPOCK, YOU DO HAVE ONE SAVING GRACE AFTER ALL.

YOU'RE ILL-MANNERED. THE HUMAN HALF OF YOU, NO DOUBT.

AH, COME, MY LITTLE WOOD NYMPH. WON'T YOU DANCE WITH YOUR SWAY?

GIVE US SOME SPRIGHTLY MUSIC, MY DEAR GIRL.

OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY THIS.

OF COURSE, YOU DO.

[ MUSIC ]

CAPTAIN, HOW FAR DO WE GO ALONG WITH THIS CHARADE?

UNTIL WE CAN THINK OUR WAY OUT.

MEANWHILE, WE ACCEPT THIS HOSPITALITY.

WELL, YOU SHOULD TASTE THIS FOOD.

SCRAW WOULD TASTE BETTER THAN HIS MEAT

AND WATER 100 TIMES BETTER THAN HIS BRANDY.

NOTHING HAS ANY TASTE AT ALL.

IT MAY BE UNAPPETIZING, DOCTOR, BUT IT IS VERY LOGICAL.

THERE'S THAT MAGIC WORD AGAIN.

DOES YOUR LOGIC FIND THIS FASCINATING, MR. SPOCK?

FASCINATING IS A WORD I USE FOR THE UNEXPECTED.

IN THIS CASE, I SHOULD THINK INTERESTING WOULD SUFFICE.

YOU DON'T FIND THIS UNEXPECTED, MR. SPOCK?

THAT HIS FOOD HAS NO TASTE, HIS WINE NO FLAVOR?

NO.

IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT TRELANE KNOWS ALL OF THE EARTH FORMS,

BUT NONE OF THE SUBSTANCE.

AND THAT HE'S FALLIBLE.

HE CAN'T BE ALL POWERFUL,

WHICH MEANS HE HAS SOMETHING HELPING HIM.

EVIDENTLY.

A MACHINE? A DEVICE?

SOMETHING WHICH DOES THESE THINGS FOR HIM.

AH, MY DEAR, DON'T WE MAKE A GRACEFUL PAIR?

EXCEPT FOR ONE SMALL DETAIL.

THAT DRESS HARDLY MATCHES THIS CHARMING SCENE.

AH, YES, THAT'S MORE OF WHAT WE WANT.

THE DASHING WARRIOR AND HIS ELEGANT MAIDEN.

THAT MIRROR, PART OF HIS AUDIENCE, HIS EGO.

HE NEVER WANDERS FROM IT.

IS IT EGO OR SOMETHING ELSE?

EXPLAIN.

THE MIRROR.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

YOU NOTED YOURSELF HE NEVER GETS VERY FAR AWAY FROM IT.

I SUPPOSE IT COULD BE VANITY.

NO, NO, MR. SPOCK. THAT'S NOT THE REASON.

WHAT KIND OF A MACHINE COULD DO THESE THINGS?

A MACHINE WITH THE ABILITY TO TURN ENERGY INTO MATTER

GUIDED BY THOUGHT WAVES.

IT WOULD HAVE A VERY COMPLEX MEMORY BANK

AND BE EXTREMELY SOPHISTICATED.

LIKE A COMPUTER, ONLY MUCH MORE.

COULD THE MACHINE THAT MAINTAINS THE ENVIRONMENT

IN THIS IMMEDIATE AREA BE KEPT IN THIS HOUSE?

I THINK NOT.

A DEVICE CAPABLE OF KEEPING OUT THIS PLANET'S NATURAL ATMOSPHERE

WOULD BE IMMENSE.

GOOD. I AGREE. THAT LEAVES ME FREE.

FREE, CAPTAIN?

IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, MR. SPOCK,

I THINK I CAN TURN HIS LIGHTS OFF AT THE SOURCE.

DON'T BE TOO UPSET BY WHAT YOU SEE, GENTLEMEN.

AFTER ALL, HIS ACTIONS

ARE THOSE OF AN IMMATURE, UNBALANCED MIND.

I OVERHEARD THAT REMARK, CAPTAIN.

I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO DISPENSE WITH YOU.

YOU ONLY HEARD PART OF IT. I JUST STARTED.

OH?

YES.

I WANT YOU TO LEAVE MY CREWMEN ALONE.

I WANT YOU TO LEAVE MY CREW WOMEN ALONE TOO.

YOU'RE NOT TO DANCE WITH HIM. I DON'T LIKE IT.

DOES IT ACTUALLY MAKE YOU ANGRY, CAPTAIN?

I DON'T WANT YOU ACCEPTING HIS GIFTS EITHER.

CAPTAIN, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.

WELL, I DO BELIEVE THAT THE DEAR CAPTAIN

IS JEALOUS OF ME.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE. JUST KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HER.

OH, HOW CURIOUSLY HUMAN. HOW WONDERFULLY BARBARIC.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INSULTING ATTENTIONS

TO HER.

OF COURSE, YOU HAVE.

AFTER ALL, THAT'S THE ROOT OF THE MATTER,

ISN'T IT?

YOU FIGHT FOR THE ATTENTION, THE ADMIRATION,

THE POSSESSION OF WOMEN.

IF IT'S FIGHTING THAT YOU WANT, YOU MAY HAVE IT.

ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME TO A DUEL?

IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE.

OH, THIS IS BETTER THAN I'D PLANNED.

I SHALL NOT SHIRK AN AFFAIR OF HONOR.

A MATCHED SET JUST LIKE THE PAIR

THAT SLEW YOUR HEROIC ALEXANDER HAMILTON.

AND, CAPTAIN, I NEVER MISS.

CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 2126.1, DELAYED REPORT.

THE WHOLE BRIDGE CREW ARE THE UNWILLING GUESTS

OF THE CREATURE WHO CALLS HIMSELF TRELANE.

WE ARE WEAPONLESS, POWERLESS, AND OUR ONLY HOPE OF ESCAPE

WITH THE ENTERPRISE LIES IN PLAYING HIS GAMES.

I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE MY MOVE WITH THE FIELD OF HONOR GAME

AND EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON MY ONE CHANCE

WITH THE ANCIENT DUELING PISTOL.

OH, HOW FASCINATING.

I'M PARTY TO AN ACTUAL HUMAN DUEL.

ARE YOU READY?

QUITE READY, SIR.

WE SHALL TEST EACH OTHER'S COURAGE,

AND THEN?

AND THEN WE SHALL SEE.

ENOUGH TALK. LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

AS YOU WILL, SIR. HONOR WILL BE SERVED, EH?

OH, WAIT!

AS THE ONE CHALLENGED, I CLAIM THE FIRST SHOT.

WE SHOOT TOGETHER.

IT'S MY GAME AND MY RULES.

BUT IF YOU NEED TO BE PERSUADED...

[ MUSIC ]

ALL RIGHT.

CAPTAIN?

[ GUNSHOT ]

AND NOW, CAPTAIN, HOW DO YOU HAVE THE EXPRESSION?

MY FATE IS IN YOUR HANDS.

[ GUNSHOT ]

YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!

THE MACHINE.

CAPTAIN, SUBSPACE INTERFERENCE IS CLEARING.

TRY TO CONTACT THE SHIP.

OH, THE REMARKABLE TREACHERY OF THIS SPECIES.

GO ON, TRELANE, LOOK AT IT. IT'S OVER.

YOUR POWER IS BLANKED OUT. YOU'RE FINISHED.

YOU'VE EARNED MY WRATH. GO BACK.

GO BACK TO YOUR SHIP, ALL OF YOU, AND PREPARE.

YOU'RE ALL DEAD MEN, YOU ESPECIALLY, CAPTAIN.

TRELANE.

EVERYONE, WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE NOW.

[ BEEPING ]

THIS IS THE CAPTAIN. COMMENCE BEAMING UP.

MAXIMUM SPEED.

[ MUSIC ]

SET COURSE FOR COLONY BETA SIX.

LAID IN, SIR.

FULL POWER ACCELERATION FROM ORBIT, MR. SCOTT.

Full power, sir.

EMERGENCY WARP AT THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE MOMENT, MR. SULU.

STANDING BY TO WARP SPEED.

SHALL I MAKE A FULL REPORT TO SPACEFLEET COMMAND, SIR?

NOT YET. THEY MAY TRACE OUR BEAM.

WAIT UNTIL WE'RE WELL OUT OF RANGE.

CAN WE KNOW WHAT HIS RANGE IS, CAPTAIN?

WE CAN TAKE AN EDUCATED GUESS AT THE POINT WE FIRST ENTERED

THEIR SOLAR SYSTEM.

STILL NO SIGN OF PURSUIT. INSTRUMENTS CLEAR, SIR.

GOOD.

MAY I TAKE A MOMENT TO CHANGE?

YES, I THINK YOU MIGHT.

TURN IN YOUR GLASS SLIPPERS. THE BALL IS OVER.

GLADLY, CAPTAIN.

HARD TO BELIEVE THAT IT NEVER HAPPENED.

CAPTAIN, WE'RE ABOUT TO WARP.

LIGHT BODY AHEAD.

[ MUSIC ]

COLLISION COURSE.

HARD TO PORT, MR. SULU.

THAT WAS THE PLANET GOTHOS, CAPTAIN.

GOTHOS.

MR. SULU, HAVE WE BEEN GOING IN CIRCLES?

NO, SIR. ALL INSTRUMENTS SHOW ON COURSE.

GOTHOS AGAIN, CAPTAIN.

HARD OVER, MR. SULU.

CAT AND MOUSE GAME.

WITH US AS THE MOUSE.

THERE IT IS AGAIN, DEAD AHEAD.

90 DEGREES TO STARBOARD, MR. SULU.

TURNING, CAPTAIN.

NOT VEERING OFF FROM IT.

90 DEGREES SOUTHPORT, MR. SULU. ADJUST.

TURN COMPLETED AND STILL ACCELERATING

TOWARD THE PLANET.

OR IT TOWARD US.

DECELERATE INTO ORBIT. PREPARE TRANSPORTER ROOM.

CAPTAIN, YOU'RE NOT BEAMING DOWN.

YES, I AM, DR. McCOY.

I AM GOING TO SEE OUR PLAYFUL MR. TRELANE

AND WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE HIM GIVE UP OUR SHIP.

STAND BY, COMMUNICATIONS.

MR. SPOCK, IF YOU DON'T RECEIVE A MESSAGE FROM ME

WITHIN THE HOUR, LEAVE THE VICINITY AT ONCE.

NO TURNING BACK.

THE PRISONER MAY APPROACH THE BENCH.

TRELANE.

ANY ATTEMPT TO DEMONSTRATIONS WILL WEIGH AGAINST YOU

WITH THE COURT.

AND THIS TIME,

MY INSTRUMENTALITY IS UNBREAKABLE.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES.

OH, THE ABSURDITY OF THESE INFERIOR BEINGS.

AND NOW, CAPTAIN JAMES KIRK, YOU STAND ACCUSED

OF THE HIGH CRIME OF TREASON AGAINST A SUPERIOR AUTHORITY,

CONSPIRACY AND THE ATTEMPT TO FOMENT INSURRECTION.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

I HAVEN'T COME TO PLEAD IN YOUR COURT, TRELANE.

I WARN YOU, ANYTHING YOU MIGHT SAY

HAS ALREADY BEEN TAKEN DOWN IN EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU.

I'VE COME FOR ONE PURPOSE, TO GET BACK MY SHIP.

IRRELEVANT.

WE'VE MADE YOU ANGRY WITH OUR WILL TO SURVIVE,

HAVE WE?

UNCALLED FOR.

THEN VENT YOUR ANGER ON ME ALONE!

I WAS THE ONE THAT LED THE OTHERS.

I WAS THE ONE THAT SHOT OUT YOUR MIRROR MACHINE.

AND DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT WAS THE ONLY MEDIUM

OF INSTRUMENTALITY AT MY COMMAND?

I TOOK THAT CHANCE.

I'M WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE FOR CHANCING WRONG.

OH, THEN YOU DO ADMIT TO THE CHARGES?

YES! ANYTHING!

JUST ALLOW THE ENTERPRISE TO CONTINUE ITS JOURNEY,

YOU POMPOUS...

IMMATERIAL!

THOSE PEOPLE HAVE DONE YOU NO HARM.

INADMISSIBLE!

WE'RE LIVING BEINGS,

NOT PLAYTHINGS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT!

SILENCE! THIS TRIAL IS OVER!

YOU ARE GUILTY.

ON ALL COUNTS, YOU ARE GUILTY.

AND ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN LAWS,

THIS COURT HAS NO CHOICE IN FIXING PUNISHMENT.

YOU WILL HANG BY THE NECK, CAPTAIN,

UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!

[ MUSIC ]

CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 2126.3. FIRST OFFICER SPOCK REPORTING.

STILL NO WORD FROM CAPTAIN KIRK ON THE SURFACE BELOW US.

WAITING TIME IS ALMOST UP.

I WILL SOON BE FORCED TO ATTEMPT DEPARTURE

AS PER INSTRUCTIONS.

UNTIL A MOMENT AGO, I DIDN'T THINK IT POSSIBLE,

BUT IT WAS.

I DID IT. I WAS ANGRY.

I ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED GENUINE RAGE.

THIS EXPERIMENT HAS BEEN SUCCESSFUL.

I'M GLAD YOU WEREN'T DISAPPOINTED.

WHY, CAPTAIN, YOU'RE STILL ANGRY.

WOULD THAT I COULD HAVE SUSTAINED THAT MOMENT.

AH, NO MATTER.

DO YOU HAVE A LAST REQUEST?

TRELANE, IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA CHEERFULLY

AND OBEDIENTLY STICK MY HEAD IN THAT NOOSE...

YOU STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.

OH, THIS IS BECOMING QUITE TIRESOME.

IT'S ALL SO VERY EASY.

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, TRELANE. EVERYTHING IS EASY.

IT'S GIVING YOU A BAD HABIT.

YOU'RE NOT AWARE OF IT, BUT YOU HAVE IT.

EH?

YOU DON'T THINK, TRELANE. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU MISS OPPORTUNITIES LIKE YOUR ANGER BEFORE

AND MINE RIGHT NOW.

OH, YOU ENJOY IT,

BUT YOU COULDN'T HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IT WITHOUT ME.

AND YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A BUMBLING, INEPT FOOL.

TAKE CARE NOW.

HERE YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY

TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING REALLY UNIQUE,

AND YOU'RE WASTING IT.

YOU WANNA COMMIT MURDER? GO AHEAD.

BUT WHERE'S THE SPORT IN A SIMPLE HANGING?

SPORT?

YES, THE TERROR OF MURDER.

THE SUSPENSE, THE FUN.

OH, I'M INTRIGUED. GO AHEAD, CAPTAIN.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

A PERSONAL CONFLICT BETWEEN US.

NOT LIKE THE DUEL BEFORE, BUT THE REAL THING.

THE STAKES? A HUMAN LIFE, MINE.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH.

YES! YES!

THAT'S THE IDEA.

OH, THEN YOU APPROVE?

YES! BUT YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

THERE'S STILL NOT ENOUGH SPORT IN JUST KILLING ME WITH A SWORD.

I KNOW. THAT WILL BE DULL.

WE'LL HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING MORE FANCIFUL.

LET ME SEE.

A HUNT, A ROYAL HUNT, PREDATOR AGAINST PREDATOR.

NOW, YOU MAY GO HIDE IN THE FOREST,

ANYWHERE YOU LIKE, AND I SHALL SEEK.

HOW DOES THAT STRIKE YOU, CAPTAIN?

IT STRIKES ME VERY WELL.

BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT WORTH MY WHILE, TRELANE.

WHY NOT UP THE STAKES?

WHAT STAKES?

YES.

WHILE WE'RE PLAYING OUR GAME, FREE MY SHIP.

LET IT CONTINUE ON ITS WAY.

IN RETURN, I'LL GIVE YOU A CONTEST YOU'LL REMEMBER.

ALWAYS BACK TO YOUR SHIP.

OH, WELL, IF IT WILL ADD SPICE TO THE PURSUIT,

I ACCEPT YOUR TERMS, CAPTAIN.

REMEMBER, YOU MUST TRY NOT TO LET ME FIND YOU

TOO QUICKLY.

LET ME NOTIFY THE ENTERPRISE THAT IT CAN GO.

AT YOUR CONVENIENCE.

[ BEEPING ]

ENTERPRISE, ENTERPRISE, THIS IS KIRK.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

GET THE SHIP AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

I'LL TRY AND GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU NEED.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

[ MUSIC ]

[ BEEPING ]

ENTERPRISE.

CAPTAIN KIRK.

YOU MUST TRY HARDER, CAPTAIN. THIS IS TOO EASY.

[ BEEPING ]

ENTERPRISE.

ENTERPRISE, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

TOUCHÉ, CAPTAIN, TOUCHÉ.

I MUST CONFESS, YOU SCORED FIRST.

BUT AFTER ALL, I NEVER PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE.

AND NOW, LET'S HAVE AT IT AGAIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ BEEPING ]

ENTERPRISE. ENTERPRISE.

HA! TALLYHO!

AH, YOU MADE A NOBLE FIGHT OF IT, CAPTAIN.

REMEMBER, TRELANE, YOU PROMISED TO LET MY SHIP GO.

YES, BUT THIS IS SUCH SPORT.

I MUST FETCH ALL THE OTHERS BACK TO PLAY.

SO THIS IS VICTORY. IT HAS A SWEET TASTE.

DOWN, CAPTAIN. ON YOUR KNEES.

YOU HAVEN'T WON, TRELANE.

I HAVE. I COULD RUN YOU THROUGH.

BUT YOU HAVEN'T WON ANYTHING.

ON YOUR KNEES, CAPTAIN.

NO!

DOES IT STILL TASTE AS SWEET?

I ORDER YOU. YOU'VE BEEN BEATEN.

BUT I'M NOT DEFEATED.

I ORDER YOU. I ORDER YOU.

YOU BROKE MY SWORD.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT WINNING, TRELANE.

YOU DARE TO DEFY ME.

IN FACT, YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT EVERYTHING,

HAVEN'T YOU?

I'LL FIX YOU FOR THAT. YOU CHEATED.

YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME RIGHT.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

Trelane.

NO!

NO.

YOU SAID I COULD HAVE THIS PLANET FOR MY VERY OWN.

This has gone far enough.

BUT YOU ALWAYS STOP ME WHEN I'M HAVING FUN.

You're disobedient and cruel. We've told you before.

Time to come in now, Trelane.

BUT I DON'T WANNA COME IN, AND I WON'T.

I'M A GENERAL, AND I WON'T LISTEN TO YOU.

Enough, Trelane. Come along.

BUT WHY? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

I WAS JUST PLAYIN'.

We said come along!

BUT I HAVEN'T STUDYING MY PREDATORS YET.

This is not studying them.

If you cannot take proper care of your pets, you cannot have them at all.

BUT I WAS WINNING. I WAS WINNING.

They're beings, Trelane. They have spirit.

They're superior.

NO, NO. YOU SAW.

You'll grow up, Trelane. You'll understand.

Now, come along.

AW, BUT YOU SAID I COULD. YOU PROMISED.

I NEVER HAVE ANY FUN.

Stop that nonsense at once, or you'll not be permitted to make any more planets.

AW, BUT YOU SAW. I WAS WINNING.

I WOULD HAVE WON, HONEST.

No, Trelane.

- No, Trelane.

I WOULD HAVE. I WOULD HAVE. I WOULD HAVE.

I WOULD. I WOULD. I WOULD. I WOULD.

Captain, we regret that the life paths of yourself and your companions have been disturbed.

WHO ARE YOU? WHO IS TRELANE?

You must forgive our child.

The fault is ours for indulging him too much.

He will be punished.

We would not have let him intercept you had we realized your vulnerability.

Forgive us, Captain.

We will maintain your life support conditions while you return to your ship.

Please accept our apologies.

[ BEEPING ]

CAPTAIN TO ENTERPRISE. CAPTAIN TO ENTERPRISE.

Captain, we're receiving you.

BEAM ME UP, MR. SPOCK. WE'RE FREE TO GO.

[ MUSIC ]

WARPING DOWN, CAPTAIN. OUR WARP FACTOR, FOUR.

PUSH CHANNELS CLEAR, CAPTAIN.

COLONY BETA SIX CLEARS US FOR NORMAL APPROACH, SIR.

NORMAL ORBIT APPROACH PROCEDURES, MR. SULU.

CAPTAIN?

MR. SPOCK, STILL THINKING ABOUT TRELANE,

IS THAT IT?

FOR THE RECORD, CAPTAIN, HOW DO WE DESCRIBE HIM?

PURE MENTALITY? FORCE OF INTELLECT?

EMBODIED ENERGY? SUPER BEING?

HE MUST BE CLASSIFIED, SIR.

GOD OF WAR, MR. SPOCK.

WELL, I HARDLY FIND THAT FITTING.

THEN A SMALL BOY, AND A VERY NAUGHTY ONE AT THAT.

IT WILL MAKE A STRANGE ENTRY IN THE LIBRARY BANKS.

WELL, THEN HE WAS A VERY STRANGE, SMALL BOY.

ON THE OTHER HAND, HE WAS PROBABLY DOING THINGS

COMPARABLE TO THE SAME MISCHIEVOUS PRANKS YOU PLAYED

WHEN YOU WERE A BOY.

MISCHIEVOUS PRANKS, CAPTAIN?

YES, DIPPING LITTLE GIRLS' CURLS IN INKWELLS,

STEALING APPLES FROM THE NEIGHBOR'S TREES,

TYING CANS ON--

FORGIVE ME, MR. SPOCK.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

I SHALL BE DELIGHTED, CAPTAIN.

[ MUSIC ]