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The Trouble with Tribbles

DEEP SPACE STATION K-7

NOW WITHIN SENSOR RANGE, CAPTAIN.

GOOD. MR. CHEKOV, THIS FLIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE

BOTH EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE.

HOW CLOSE WILL WE COME TO THE NEAREST KLINGON OUTPOST

IF WE CONTINUE ON OUR PRESENT COURSE?

ONE PARSEC, SIR.

CLOSE ENOUGH TO SMELL THEM.

THAT IS ILLOGICAL, ENSIGN.

ODORS CANNOT TRAVEL THROUGH THE VACUUM OF SPACE.

I WAS MAKING A LITTLE JOKE, SIR.

EXTREMELY LITTLE, ENSIGN.

MR. SPOCK, IMMEDIATE PAST HISTORY OF THE QUADRANT?

UNDER DISPUTE BETWEEN THE TWO PARTIES

SINCE INITIAL CONTACT.

THE BATTLE OF DONATU-5 WAS FOUGHT NEAR HERE

23 SOLAR YEARS AGO. INCONCLUSIVE.

ANALYSIS OF DISPUTED AREA?

UNDEVELOPED. SHERMAN'S PLANET

IS CLAIMED BY BOTH SIDES--OUR FEDERATION

AND THE KLINGON EMPIRE.

WE DO HAVE THE BETTER CLAIM.

THE AREA WAS FIRST MAPPED

BY THE FAMOUS RUSSIAN ASTRONOMER IVAN BORKOV

ALMOST 200--

JOHN BURKE.

BURKE, SIR?

I DON'T THINK SO. I'M SURE IT WAS--

JOHN BURKE WAS THE CHIEF ASTRONOMER

AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY IN OLD BRITAIN AT THE TIME.

OH, ROYAL ACADEMY.

OH, WELL...

IS THE REST OF YOUR HISTORY THAT FAULTY, ENSIGN?

KEY POINTS OF DISPUTE?

UNDER THE TERMS OF THE ORGANIAN PEACE TREATY,

ONE SIDE OR THE OTHER MUST PROVE

IT CAN DEVELOP THE PLANET MOST EFFICIENTLY.

AND UNFORTUNATELY, THOUGH THE KLINGONS ARE BRUTAL AND AGGRESSIVE,

THEY ARE MOST EFFICIENT.

I REMEMBER ONCE PETER THE GREAT HAD A PROBLEM LIKE THAT. HE--

Uhura: CAPTAIN?

KIRK HERE.

CAPTAIN, I'M PICKING UP A SUB-SPACE DISTRESS CALL.

PRIORITY CHANNEL. IT'S FROM SPACE STATION K-7.

GO TO WARP FACTOR SIX.

CODE ONE EMERGENCY. THAT'S A DISASTER CALL.

Uhura: THIS IS A RED ALERT. MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS.

ALL HANDS.

SPACE-- THE FINAL FRONTIER.

THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP "ENTERPRISE."

ITS FIVE-YEAR MISSION--

TO EXPLORE STRANGE NEW WORLDS...

TO SEEK OUT NEW LIFE AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS...

TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.

Kirk: CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 4523.3.

DEEP SPACE STATION K-7

HAS ISSUED A PRIORITY ONE CALL.

MORE THAN AN EMERGENCY,

IT SIGNALS NEAR OR TOTAL DISASTER.

WE CAN ONLY ASSUME

THE KLINGONS HAVE ATTACKED THE STATION.

WE'RE GOING IN ARMED FOR BATTLE.

MAIN PHASERS ARMED AND READY, SIR.

BUT THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

JUST THE STATION.

PRIORITY ONE DISTRESS CALL,

AND IT'S JUST ABSOLUTELY PEACEFUL.

LIEUTENANT UHURA, BREAK SUB-SPACE SILENCE.

AYE, SIR.

THE CHANNEL'S OPEN, SIR.

SPACE STATION K-7,

THIS IS CAPTAIN KIRK OF THE "ENTERPRISE."

WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY?

CAPTAIN KIRK, THIS IS MR. LURRY, MANAGER OF K-7.

I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR THE DISTRESS CALL.

MR. LURRY, YOU ISSUED A PRIORITY ONE DISTRESS CALL.

STATE THE NATURE OF YOUR EMERGENCY.

UH...WELL, PERHAPS YOU BETTER BEAM OVER.

I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN.

YOU'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN.

YOU'D BETTER BE PREPARED TO DO MORE THAN THAT.

KIRK OUT. MR. SPOCK, I'LL NEED YOUR HELP.

MR. CHEKOV, MAINTAIN BATTLE READINESS.

LIEUTENANT UHURA, SEE THAT THE TRANSPORTER ROOM

IS STANDING BY.

AYE, SIR. TRANSPORTER ROOM, STAND BY.

MR. LURRY, IF THERE WAS NO EMERGENCY,

WHY DID YOU ISSUE

A PRIORITY ONE DISTRESS CALL?

THAT WAS MY ORDER, CAPTAIN.

CAPTAIN KIRK, THIS IS NILZ BARIS.

HE'S OUT FROM EARTH

TO TAKE CHARGE OF THE DEVELOPMENT PROJECT FOR SHERMAN'S PLANET.

AND THAT GIVES YOU THE AUTHORITY

TO PUT AN ENTIRE QUADRANT ON DEFENSE ALERT?

MR. BARIS IS THE FEDERATION UNDERSECRETARY

IN CHARGE OF AGRICULTURAL AFFAIRS IN THIS QUADRANT.

THAT GIVES HIM THE AUTHORITY.

OH.

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT ARNE DARVIN.

AND THIS IS MY FIRST OFFICER MR. SPOCK.

MR. DARVIN. MR. SPOCK.

AND NOW, CAPTAIN, I WANT ALL AVAILABLE SECURITY GUARDS.

I WANT THEM POSTED AROUND THE STORAGE COMPARTMENTS.

STORAGE COMPARTMENTS? STORAGE COMPARTMENTS?

THE STORAGE COMPARTMENTS

CONTAINING THE QUADRO-TRITICALE.

THE WHAT? WHAT?

CAPTAIN. WHAT'S... QUADRO-TRITICALE?

WHEAT. SO WHAT?

QUADRO-TRITICALE IS NOT WHEAT, CAPTAIN.

OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU OR MR. SPOCK

TO KNOW ABOUT SUCH THINGS,

BUT QUADRO-TRITICALE IS A RATHER--

QUADRO-TRITICALE IS A HIGH-YIELD GRAIN,

4-LOBED HYBRID OF WHEAT AND RYE.

A PERENNIAL, ALSO, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN.

IT'S ROOT GRAIN, TRITICALE,

CAN TRACE ITS ANCESTRY

ALL THE WAY BACK TO 20th CENTURY CANADA--

MR. SPOCK, YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT.

QUADRO-TRITICALE IS THE ONLY EARTH GRAIN

THAT WILL GROW ON SHERMAN'S PLANET.

WE HAVE SEVERAL TONS OF IT HERE ON THE STATION.

AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT THAT GRAIN GET TO SHERMAN'S PLANET SAFELY.

MR. BARIS THINKS

THAT KLINGON AGENTS MAY TRY TO SABOTAGE IT.

YOU ISSUED A PRIORITY ONE DISTRESS CALL

FOR A COUPLE OF TONS OF WHEAT?

QUADRO-TRITICALE!

OF COURSE, CAPTAIN, I REALIZE THAT WE--

MR. BARIS, YOU SUMMONED THE "ENTERPRISE"

WITHOUT AN EMERGENCY.

YOU'LL TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Spock: MISUSE OF THE PRIORITY ONE CHANNEL

IS A FEDERATION OFFENSE.

I DID NOT MISUSE THE PRIORITY ONE CHANNEL.

I WANT THAT GRAIN PROTECTED.

CAPTAIN, COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST POST A COUPLE OF GUARDS?

WE DO HAVE A LARGE NUMBER OF SHIPS PASSING THROUGH.

IT WOULD SEEM A LOGICAL PRECAUTION, CAPTAIN.

THE SHERMAN'S PLANET AFFAIR

IS OF EXTREME IMPORTANCE TO THE FEDERATION.

KIRK TO "ENTERPRISE."

"ENTERPRISE" HERE.

SECURE FROM GENERAL QUARTERS.

AND BEAM DOWN TWO, AND ONLY TWO, SECURITY GUARDS.

HAVE THEM REPORT TO MR. LURRY.

AUTHORIZE SHORE LEAVE FOR ALL OFF-DUTY PERSONNEL.

YES, CAPTAIN.

KIRK OUT.

CAPTAIN KIRK, HOW DARE YOU AUTHORIZE A MERE TWO MEN

FOR A PROJECT OF THIS IMPORTANCE?

STARFLEET COMMAND WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS.

I HAVE NEVER QUESTIONED

THE ORDERS OR THE INTELLIGENCE

OF ANY REPRESENTATIVE OF THE FEDERATION...

UNTIL NOW.

SUMMONING A STARSHIP ON A PRIORITY A-1 CHANNEL

TO GUARD SOME STORAGE COMPARTMENTS.

STORAGE COMPARTMENTS OF WHEAT.

NEVERTHELESS, CAPTAIN,

THE KLINGONS WOULD NOT ENJOY

SEEING US SUCCESSFULLY DEVELOP SHERMAN'S PLANET.

I GUESS NOT.

I SEE YOU DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME TAKING YOUR SHORE LEAVE.

HOW OFTEN DO I GET SHORE LEAVE?

SHE WANTS TO SHOP, AND I THOUGHT I WOULD HELP HER.

OH, EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

MR. CHEKOV, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?

OH, QUADRO-TRITICALE.

I'VE READ ABOUT THIS,

BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN ANY BEFORE.

DOES EVERYBODY KNOW ABOUT THIS WHEAT BUT ME?

WELL, NOT EVERYONE, CAPTAIN.

IT'S A RUSSIAN INVENTION.

OH.

Man: I DON'T WANT ANY.

I TOLD YOU BEFORE, AND I'M TELLING YOU AGAIN--

I DON'T WANT ANY MORE SPIKE AND FLAME GEMS.

THANKS TO YOU,

I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH SPIKE AND FLAME GEMS TO LAST ME A LIFETIME.

HOW SAD FOR YOU, MY FRIEND.

YOU WON'T FIND A FINER STONE ANYWHERE.

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER.

SURELY YOU WANT SOME...

ANTARIAN GLOW WATER.

I USE THAT TO POLISH THE FLAME GEMS.

YOU'RE A DIFFICULT MAN TO REACH,

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING

FROM THE FAR REACHES OF THE GALAXY.

SURELY YOU WANT--

NOT AT YOUR PRICE.

WHAT IS IT? IS IT ALIVE?

MAY I HOLD IT?

OH, IT'S ADORABLE.

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?

WHY, LOVELY LADY, IT'S A TRIBBLE.

A TRIBBLE?

ONLY THE SWEETEST CREATURE KNOWN TO MAN,

EXCEPTING, OF COURSE, YOUR LOVELY SELF.

[PURRING]

OH, IT'S PURRING.

LISTEN. IT'S PURRING.

IT'S ONLY SAYING THAT IT LIKES YOU.

ARE YOU SELLING THEM?

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DECIDE RIGHT NOW.

MY FRIEND, 10 CREDITS APIECE

IS A VERY REASONABLE PRICE.

NOW, YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF

HOW MUCH THE LOVELY LITTLE LADY

APPRECIATES THE FINER THINGS.

ONE CREDIT APIECE.

HE WON'T BITE, WILL HE?

SIR, TRANSPORTING HARMFUL ANIMALS

FROM ONE PLANET TO ANOTHER

IS AGAINST REGULATIONS,

OR WEREN'T YOU AWARE OF THAT?

BESIDES, TRIBBLES HAVE NO TEETH.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL DOUBLE MY OFFER-- 2 CREDITS.

TWICE NOTHING IS STILL NOTHING.

WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE HIM, I'M GOING TO TAKE HIM.

I THINK HE'S CUTE.

4 CREDITS.

IS THAT AN OFFER OR A JOKE?

THAT'S MY OFFER.

THAT'S A JOKE.

5?

I CAN SEE YOU'RE AN HONEST MAN.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO--

I'M GOING TO LESSEN MY PRICE TO 8 1/2 CREDITS.

YOU'RE TALKING YOURSELF OUT OF A DEAL, FRIEND.

6 CREDITS. NOT A CREDIT MORE.

7 1/2.

7?

ALL RIGHT, YOU ROBBER. 6 CREDITS.

DONE. WHEN CAN I HAVE THEM?

RIGHT AWAY.

WHAT ARE YOU SELLING THEM FOR?

WELL, LET ME SEE, LITTLE LADY.

SIX CREDITS. I FIGURE A REASONABLE MARKUP

FOR A REASONABLE PROFIT--

SAY A 10% MARKUP--

10 CREDITS.

THIEF.

IN FACT, I'LL SELL YOU THIS ONE.

HEY!

HE'S EATING MY GRAIN.

THAT'LL BE 10 CREDITS.

THAT HAPPENS TO BE MY SAMPLE.

AND I'LL DO WITH IT AS I PLEASE,

AND I PLEASE TO GIVE IT TO THE LOVELY LITTLE LADY HERE.

OH, I COULDN'T...

COULD I?

I INSIST.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, RUIN THE MARKET?

Salesman: ONCE THIS LOVELY LITTLE LADY

STARTS TO SHOW THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE DARLING AROUND,

YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH THEM.

[INTERCOM WHISTLES]

YES, WHAT IS IT?

MESSAGE FROM STARFLEET, CAPTAIN.

PRIORITY CHANNEL.

ADMIRAL FITZPATRICK SPEAKING.

PUT IT ON VISUAL, LIEUTENANT.

CAPTAIN KIRK?

KIRK HERE.

CAPTAIN, IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO REMIND YOU

OF THE IMPORTANCE TO THE FEDERATION

OF SHERMAN'S PLANET.

THE KEY TO OUR WINNING OF THIS PLANET

IS THE GRAIN QUADRO-TRITICALE.

THE SHIPMENT OF IT MUST BE PROTECTED.

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY,

YOU WILL RENDER ANY AID AND ASSISTANCE

WHICH UNDERSECRETARY BARIS MAY REQUIRE.

THE SAFETY OF THE GRAIN AND THE PROJECT

IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

STARFLEET OUT.

NOW, THAT'S JUST LOVELY.

BUT NOT TOTALLY UNEXPECTED.

[INTERCOM WHISTLE]

CAPTAIN KIRK! CAPTAIN KIRK!

YES, LIEUTENANT, WHAT IS IT?

SENSORS ARE PICKING UP A KLINGON BATTLE CRUISER

RAPIDLY CLOSING ON THE STATION.

GO TO RED ALERT.

NOTIFY MR. LURRY. WE'LL BE RIGHT UP.

[ALARM SOUNDS]

WHAT IS THE POSITION OF THE KLINGON SHIP?

100 KILOMETERS OFF K-7.

IT'S JUST SITTING THERE.

CAPTAIN, I HAVE MR. LURRY.

PUT HIM ON VISUAL.

AYE, SIR.

MR. LURRY, THERE'S A KLINGON WARSHIP

HANGING 100 KILOMETERS OFF YOUR STATION.

I DON'T THINK THE KLINGONS ARE PLANNING TO ATTACK US.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE AT THIS MOMENT, THE CAPTAIN OF THE KLINGON SHIP

IS SITTING RIGHT HERE IN MY OFFICE.

CANCEL RED ALERT.

WE'LL BEAM RIGHT DOWN.

SECURITY, CANCEL RED ALERT.

Kirk: CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 4524.2.

A KLINGON WARSHIP

IS HOVERING ONLY 100 KILOMETERS

FROM DEEP SPACE STATION K-7

WHILE ITS CAPTAIN WAITS

IN THE STATION MANAGER'S OFFICE.

THEIR INTENTIONS ARE UNKNOWN.

AH, MY DEAR CAPTAIN KIRK.

MY DEAR CAPTAIN KOLOTH.

LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT MY INTENTIONS ARE PEACEFUL.

AS I'VE ALREADY TOLD MR. LURRY,

THE PURPOSE OF MY PRESENCE HERE

IS TO INVOKE SHORE LEAVE RIGHTS.

SHORE LEAVE?

CAPTAIN, WE KLINGONS

ARE NOT AS LUXURY-MINDED AS YOU EARTHERS.

WE DO NOT EQUIP OUR SHIPS WITH--

HOW SHALL I SAY IT?

NONESSENTIALS.

WE HAVE BEEN IN SPACE FOR FIVE MONTHS.

WHAT WE CHOOSE AS RECREATION

IS OUR OWN BUSINESS.

I MIGHT ALSO ADD

THAT UNDER THE TERMS OF THE ORGANIAN PEACE TREATY,

YOU CANNOT REFUSE US.

YES, WELL, I DON'T MAKE THOSE DECISIONS.

MR. LURRY IS IN CHARGE OF THOSE MATTERS.

CAPTAIN, MAY I SPEAK TO YOU A MINUTE?

KIRK, I DON'T WANT THEM HERE,

BUT I DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO REFUSE.

WHILE I HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO ACT,

I'M GOING TO USE IT.

MY DEAR CAPTAIN KOLOTH,

YOU MAY INDEED BRING YOUR MEN DOWN ON SHORE LEAVE,

BUT ONLY 12 AT A TIME.

AND I ASSURE YOU THAT FOR EVERY MAN YOU BRING DOWN HERE,

I SHALL HAVE ONE SECURITY GUARD.

THERE WILL BE NO TROUBLE.

CAPTAIN KIRK,

THERE'S BEEN NO FORMAL DECLARATION OF HOSTILITIES

BETWEEN OUR TWO RESPECTIVE GOVERNMENTS,

SO NATURALLY OUR RELATIONSHIP

WILL BE A PEACEFUL ONE.

LET US BOTH TAKE STEPS TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.

OF COURSE.

ANOTHER TECHNICAL JOURNAL, SCOTTY?

AYE.

DON'T YOU EVER RELAX?

WELL, I AM RELAXING.

[PURRING]

HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THAT THING, LIEUTENANT?

SINCE YESTERDAY, DOCTOR.

THIS MORNING, I FOUND OUT THAT HE--

I MEAN SHE HAD HAD BABIES.

WELL, I'D SAY IN THAT CASE, YOU GOT A BARGAIN.

YOU RUNNING A NURSERY, LIEUTENANT?

OH, CAPTAIN.

WELL, I HADN'T INTENDED TO, SIR,

BUT THE TRIBBLE HAD OTHER PLANS.

DID YOU GET THIS AT THE SPACE STATION?

YES, SIR.

A MOST CURIOUS CREATURE, CAPTAIN.

IT'S TRILLING SEEMS TO HAVE A TRANQUILIZING EFFECT

ON THE HUMAN NERVOUS SYSTEM.

FORTUNATELY, OF COURSE,

I AM...IMMUNE

[SOFTLY] TO ITS EFFECT.

LIEUTENANT, DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE ONE OF THESE DOWN TO THE LAB

AND SEE WHAT MAKES IT TICK?

WELL, ALL RIGHT, DOCTOR,

BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO DISSECT IT,

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT.

I WON'T HARM A HAIR ON ITS HEAD--

WHEREVER THAT IS.

SAY, LIEUTENANT, SEEING AS YOU'RE GIVING THEM AWAY,

CAN I HAVE ONE?

WELL, SURE. WHY NOT?

I THINK THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH.

GO AHEAD.

[INTERCOM WHISTLES]

BRIDGE TO CAPTAIN KIRK.

KIRK HERE.

MR. BARIS IS WAITING ON CHANNEL "E" TO SPEAK TO YOU, SIR.

PIPE IT DOWN HERE, WILL YOU, MR. CHEKOV.

AYE, SIR. MR. BARIS IS COMING ON.

YES, MR. BARIS, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

KIRK, THIS STATION IS SWARMING WITH KLINGONS.

I WAS NOT AWARE, MR. BARIS,

THAT 12 KLINGONS CONSTITUTES A SWARM.

CAPTAIN KIRK, THERE ARE KLINGON SOLDIERS

ON THIS STATION.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO KEEP THAT GRAIN SAFE.

MR. BARIS, I HAVE GUARDS AROUND THE GRAIN.

I HAVE GUARDS AROUND THE KLINGONS.

THE ONLY REASON THOSE GUARDS ARE THERE

IS BECAUSE STARFLEET WANTS THEM THERE.

AS FOR WHAT YOU WANT...

IT HAS BEEN NOTED AND LOGGED. KIRK OUT.

CAPTAIN, MAY I ASK WHERE YOU'LL BE?

SICK BAY WITH A HEADACHE.

HI, JIM.

BONES, WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR A HEADACHE?

LET ME GUESS. THE KLINGONS? BARIS?

BOTH. HOW MANY OF THESE DID UHURA GIVE YOU?

JUST ONE.

BUT YOU'VE GOT, UH, 11.

YOU NOTICED THAT, HUH?

HERE. THIS OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF IT.

HOW DO THEY... HOW DO THEY...

I HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT OUT YET,

BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS MUCH--

ALMOST 50% OF THE CREATURE'S METABOLISM

IS GEARED FOR REPRODUCTION.

DO YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU GET

IF YOU FEED A TRIBBLE TOO MUCH?

A FAT TRIBBLE.

NO. YOU GET A WHOLE BUNCH

OF HUNGRY LITTLE TRIBBLES.

WELL, BONES, ALL I CAN SUGGEST...

IS YOU OPEN UP A MATERNITY WARD.

I WANT ALL YOU MEN WHO ARE GOING ON SHORE LEAVE TO STAY IN GROUPS.

AVOID TROUBLE WITH THE KLINGONS.

I'LL TELL THEM BEFORE THEY GO, SIR.

AREN'T YOU GOING ON SHORE LEAVE, SCOTTY?

WHY, NO, SIR.

I WANT YOU TO GO ON SHORE LEAVE.

MAKE SURE THAT EVERYBODY STAYS OUT OF TROUBLE.

BUT, CAPTAIN...

AYE, SIR.

SCOTTY, ENJOY YOURSELF.

[WHISTLING]

AH, FRIENDS, CAN I OFFER YOU

A CHARMING LITTLE TRIBBLE?

UH, NO, THANKS.

OH. PERHAPS ONE OF YOU OTHER GENTS?

EH.

AH, FRIEND KLINGON.

[SHRIEKING]

COULD I INTEREST YOU IN A HARMLESS LITTLE TRIBBLE?

GET IT AWAY FROM ME.

I'M SORRY. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM ACT THIS WAY BEFORE.

GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT PARASITE.

HE'S ONLY A HARMLESS LITTLE--

TAKE IT AWAY!

YES.

[SHRIEKING]

AH, MY GOOD FRIEND.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO ENTER ANOTHER LITTLE TRANSACTION?

THIS TIME, A TRIBBLE FOR A SPOT--

A TRIBBLE.

A TRIBBLE?

EH, EH...

A TRIBBLE.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET OFF THAT MILK DIET, LAD?

THIS IS VODKA.

WHERE I COME FROM, THAT'S SODA POP.

NOW, THIS IS A DRINK FOR A MAN.

SCOTCH?

AYE.

IT WAS INVENTED BY A LITTLE OLD LADY FROM LENINGRAD.

[SHRIEKING]

THE EARTHERS LIKE THOSE FUZZY THINGS,

DON'T THEY?

OH, YES.

WELL, FRANKLY,

I NEVER LIKED EARTHERS.

THEY REMIND ME OF REGULAN BLOODWORMS.

[KLINGONS LAUGHING]

THAT COSSACK.

EASY, LAD.

YOU OUGHT TO BE MORE FORGIVING.

OH.

I JUST REMEMBERED.

THERE IS ONE EARTH MAN

WHO DOESN'T REMIND ME OF A REGULAN BLOODWORM.

THAT'S KIRK.

A REGULAN BLOODWORM

IS SOFT AND SHAPELESS,

BUT KIRK

ISN'T SOFT.

KIRK MAY BE A SWAGGERING,

OVERBEARING, TIN-PLATED DICTATOR

WITH DELUSIONS OF GODHOOD,

BUT HE'S NOT SOFT.

TAKE IT EASY, LAD.

EVERYBODY'S ENTITLED TO AN OPINION.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND IF I THINK THAT KIRK

IS A DENIBIAN SLIME DEVIL,

WELL, THAT'S MY OPINION, TOO.

DON'T DO IT, MISTER, AND THAT'S AN ORDER.

BUT YOU HEARD WHAT HE CALLED THE CAPTAIN.

FORGET IT.

IT'S NOT WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

WE'RE BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE A FEW INSULTS.

NOW, DRINK YOUR DRINK.

OF COURSE,

I'D SAY THAT CAPTAIN KIRK DESERVES HIS SHIP.

WE LIKE THE "ENTERPRISE."

WE--WE REALLY DO.

THAT SAGGING OLD RUST BUCKET

IS DESIGNED LIKE A GARBAGE SCOW.

HALF THE QUADRANT KNOWS IT.

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE LEARNING TO SPEAK KLINGONI.

MR. SCOTT.

LADDIE, DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD...

REPHRASE THAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I SHOULD.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY

THAT THE "ENTERPRISE" SHOULD BE HAULING GARBAGE.

I MEANT TO SAY

THAT IT SHOULD BE HAULED AWAY

AS GARBAGE.

[KLINGON LAUGHING]

Kirk: CAPTAIN'S LOG. STARDATE 4525.6.

A SMALL DISTURBANCE BETWEEN THE KLINGON CREW

AND MEMBERS OF THE "ENTERPRISE" CREW

HAS BROKEN OUT ABOARD SPACE STATION K-7.

I AM FORCED TO CANCEL SHORE LEAVE

FOR BOTH SHIPS.

I WANT TO KNOW WHO STARTED IT.

I'M WAITING.

FREEMAN, WHO STARTED THE FIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

ALL RIGHT.

CHEKOV.

I KNOW YOU. YOU STARTED IT, DIDN'T YOU?

NO, SIR, I DIDN'T.

WELL, WHO DID?

I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

"I DON'T KNOW, SIR."

I WANT TO KNOW WHO THREW THE FIRST PUNCH.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE ALL CONFINED TO QUARTERS

UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO STARTED IT. DISMISSED.

SCOTTY, NOT YOU.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PREVENT TROUBLE, MR. SCOTT.

AYE, CAPTAIN.

WHO THREW THE FIRST PUNCH, SCOTTY?

UM...

SCOTTY.

I DID, CAPTAIN.

YOU DID, MR. SCOTT?

WHAT CAUSED IT, SCOTTY?

THEY INSULTED US, SIR.

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME INSULT.

AYE, IT WAS.

YOU THREW THE FIRST PUNCH.

AYE.

CHEKOV WANTED TO, BUT I HELD HIM BACK.

YOU HELD--

WHY DID CHEKOV WANT TO START A FIGHT?

UM...WELL, THE KLINGONS, SIR...

IS THIS OFF THE RECORD?

NO. THIS IS NOT OFF THE RECORD.

WELL, CAPTAIN, UH...

THE KLINGONS CALLED YOU, UH...

A TIN-PLATED, OVERBEARING,

SWAGGERING DICTATOR WITH DELUSIONS OF GODHOOD.

IS THAT ALL?

NO, SIR. THEY ALSO COMPARED YOU

WITH A DENIBIAN SLIME DEVIL.

I SEE. AND THEN THEY SAID THAT YOU WERE A--

I GET THE PICTURE, SCOTTY.

YES, SIR.

AND AFTER THEY SAID ALL THIS,

THAT'S WHEN YOU HIT THE KLINGONS?

NO, SIR.

NO?

NO, UH...I DIDN'T.

YOU TOLD US TO AVOID TROUBLE.

OH, YES.

AND I DIDN'T SEE

THAT IT WAS WORTH FIGHTING ABOUT.

AFTER ALL, WE'RE BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE A FEW INSULTS.

AREN'T WE?

WHAT WAS IT THEY SAID THAT STARTED THE FIGHT?

THEY CALLED THE "ENTERPRISE" A GARBAGE SCOW...

SIR.

I SEE.

AND...

THAT'S WHEN YOU HIT THE KLINGONS?

YES, SIR.

YOU HIT THE KLINGONS BECAUSE THEY INSULTED THE "ENTERPRISE,"

NOT BECAUSE THEY...

WELL, SIR, THIS WAS A MATTER OF PRIDE.

ALL RIGHT, SCOTTY.

DISMISSED.

OH...

SCOTTY, YOU'RE RESTRICTED TO QUARTERS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

YES, SIR.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THAT'LL GIVE ME A CHANCE

TO CATCH UP ON MY TECHNICAL JOURNALS.

[PURRING]

WHAT'S THE MATTER, SPOCK?

THERE'S SOMETHING DISQUIETING ABOUT THESE CREATURES.

OH? DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE GOT A FEELING.

DON'T BE INSULTING, DOCTOR.

THEY REMIND ME OF THE LILIES OF THE FIELD.

"THEY TOIL NOT, NEITHER DO THEY SPIN."

BUT THEY SEEM TO EAT A GREAT DEAL.

I SEE NO PRACTICAL USE FOR THEM.

DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO HAVE

A PRACTICAL USE FOR YOU?

THEY'RE NICE, THEY'RE SOFT, AND THEY'RE FURRY,

AND THEY MAKE A PLEASANT SOUND.

SO WOULD AN ERMINE VIOLIN, DOCTOR,

BUT I SEE NO ADVANTAGE IN HAVING ONE.

IT IS A HUMAN CHARACTERISTIC TO LOVE LITTLE ANIMALS,

ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE ATTRACTIVE IN SOME WAY.

DOCTOR, I AM WELL AWARE OF HUMAN CHARACTERISTICS.

I AM FREQUENTLY INUNDATED BY THEM,

BUT I HAVE TRAINED MYSELF TO PUT UP WITH PRACTICALLY ANYTHING.

SPOCK, I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT THESE LITTLE TRIBBLES YET,

BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT I HAVE DISCOVERED.

WHAT IS THAT, DOCTOR?

I LIKE THEM...

BETTER THAN I LIKE YOU.

DOCTOR?

YES?

THEY DO INDEED HAVE ONE REDEEMING CHARACTERISTIC.

WHAT'S THAT?

THEY DO NOT TALK TOO MUCH.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, SIR.

[SHRIEK]

DR. McCOY, WOULD YOU MIND COMING UP TO THE BRIDGE?

LIEUTENANT UHURA,

HOW DID ALL THESE TRIBBLES GET ON THE BRIDGE?

I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

THEY DO SEEM TO BE ALL OVER THE SHIP.

DR. McCOY.

YES? DID YOU WANT TO SEE ME, JIM?

WELL, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

IT'S THE TRIBBLES WHO ARE BREEDING.

IF WE DON'T GET THEM OFF THIS SHIP,

WE'RE GOING TO BE HIP DEEP IN THEM.

WOULD YOU EXPLAIN THAT?

WELL, THE NEAREST THING I CAN FIGURE OUT

IS THAT THEY'RE BORN PREGNANT,

WHICH SEEMS TO BE QUITE A TIMESAVER.

I KNOW, BUT REALLY...

AND FROM MY OBSERVATIONS,

IT SEEMS THEY'RE BISEXUAL,

REPRODUCING AT WILL.

AND, BROTHER, HAVE THEY GOT A LOT OF WILL.

CAPTAIN, I'M FORCED TO AGREE WITH THE DOCTOR.

I'VE BEEN RUNNING COMPUTATIONS ON THEIR RATE OF REPRODUCTION.

THE FIGURES ARE TAKING AN ALARMING DIRECTION.

THEY'RE CONSUMING OUR SUPPLIES

AND RETURNING NOTHING.

OH, BUT THEY DO GIVE US SOMETHING, MR. SPOCK.

THEY GIVE US LOVE.

WELL, CYRANO JONES SAYS THAT A TRIBBLE

IS THE ONLY LOVE THAT MONEY CAN BUY.

TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING, LIEUTENANT, EVEN LOVE,

ISN'T NECESSARILY A GOOD THING.

[SHRIEKING]

YES, CAPTAIN.

HAVE MAINTENANCE CREW CLEAN UP THE ENTIRE SHIP,

AND THEN...

CONTACT MR. LURRY AND TELL HIM

I'M BEAMING DOWN.

AYE-AYE, SIR.

HAVE HIM FIND CYRANO JONES AND HOLD HIM.

AYE.

AND GET THESE TRIBBLES OFF THE BRIDGE.

AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN.

CAPTAIN KIRK, I'M MYSTIFIED

AT YOUR TONE OF VOICE.

I'VE DONE NOTHING TO WARRANT SUCH SEVERE TREATMENT.

OH, REALLY?

SURELY YOU MUST HAVE REALIZED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

IF YOU REMOVED THE TRIBBLES

FROM THEIR PREDATOR-FILLED ENVIRONMENT

INTO AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE THEIR NATURAL MULTIPLICATIVE PROCLIVITIES

WOULD HAVE NO RESTRAINING FACTORS.

WELL, OF COUR-- WHAT DID YOU SAY?

BY REMOVING THE TRIBBLES FROM THEIR NATURAL HABITAT,

YOU HAVE, SO TO SPEAK, REMOVED THE CORK FROM THE BOTTLE

AND ALLOWED THE GENIE TO ESCAPE.

IF BY THAT YOU MEAN DO THEY BREED QUICKLY?

WELL, OF COURSE. THAT'S HOW I MAINTAIN MY STOCK.

BREEDING ANIMALS IS NOT AGAINST REGULATIONS,

ONLY BREEDING DANGEROUS ONES,

AND TRIBBLES ARE NOT DANGEROUS.

JUST INCREDIBLY PROLIFIC.

PRECISELY, AND AT 6 CREDITS A HEAD--

UH, WELL, THAT IS, A BODY,

IT MOUNTS UP. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

YOU SHOULD SELL AN INSTRUCTION AND MAINTENANCE MANUAL

WITH THIS THING.

IF I DID, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

TO MAN'S SEARCH FOR KNOWLEDGE?

WELL, I MUST BE TENDING MY SHIP. AU REVOIR.

GO AHEAD, SIR. TELL HIM.

CAPTAIN KIRK,

I CONSIDER YOUR SECURITY MEASURES A DISGRACE.

IN MY OPINION, YOU HAVE TAKEN

THIS ENTIRE VERY IMPORTANT PROJECT FAR TOO LIGHTLY.

ON THE CONTRARY, SIR.

I THINK OF THIS PROJECT AS VERY IMPORTANT.

IT IS YOU I TAKE LIGHTLY.

I AM GOING TO REPORT FULLY

TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES

THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN FREE AND COMPLETE ACCESS

TO THIS STATION

TO A MAN WHO IS QUITE PROBABLY A KLINGON AGENT.

NOW, THAT'S A VERY SERIOUS CHARGE. TO WHOM ARE YOU REFERRING?

TO THAT MAN WHO JUST WALKED OUT OF HERE.

CYRANO JONES?

A KLINGON AGENT?

YOU HEARD ME.

I HEARD YOU.

HE SIMPLY COULD NOT BELIEVE HIS EARS.

WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MR. JONES?

MY ASSISTANT HERE HAS KEPT MR. JONES

UNDER CLOSE SURVEILLANCE FOR QUITE SOME TIME,

AND HIS ACTIONS HAVE BEEN MOST SUSPICIOUS.

I BELIEVE HE WAS INVOLVED IN THAT LITTLE ALTERCATION

BETWEEN YOUR MAN AND THE MAN FROM HIS SHIP--

YES, YES. GO ON. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE?

WELL, CAPTAIN, I CHECKED HIS SHIP'S LOG.

AND IT SEEMS THAT HE WAS WITHIN THE KLINGONS'

SPHERE OF INFLUENCE LESS THAN FOUR MONTHS AGO.

THE MAN IS AN INDEPENDENT SCOUT, CAPTAIN.

IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE THAT HE IS ALSO A KLINGON SPY.

WE HAVE ALREADY CHECKED ON THE BACKGROUND

OF MR. CYRANO JONES.

HE IS A LICENSED ASTEROID LOCATOR AND PROSPECTOR.

HE'S NEVER BROKEN THE LAW,

AT LEAST NOT SEVERELY.

AND FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS

WITH HIS ONE-MAN SPACESHIP,

HE HAS OBTAINED A MARGINAL LIVING

BY ENGAGING IN THE BUYING AND SELLING OF RARE MERCHANDISE,

INCLUDING, UNFORTUNATELY, TRIBBLES.

BUT HE IS AFTER MY GRAIN!

DO YOU HAVE ANY PROOF OF THAT?

YOU CAN'T DENY HE'S DISRUPTED THIS STATION.

PEOPLE HAVE DISRUPTED STATIONS BEFORE

WITHOUT BEING KLINGON AGENTS.

SOMETIMES, ALL THEY NEED IS A TITLE, MR. BARIS.

UNFORTUNATELY, DISRUPTING A SPACE STATION

IS NOT AN OFFENSE.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE A SHIP TO TEND TO. AU REVOIR.

MY CHICKEN SANDWICH AND COFFEE.

THIS IS MY CHICKEN SANDWICH AND COFFEE.

FASCINATING.

I WANT THESE THINGS OFF THE SHIP.

I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES EVERY MAN WE'VE GOT. I WANT THEM OFF THE SHIP.

AYE. THEY'RE INTO THE MACHINERY, ALL RIGHT. AND THEY'RE

PROBABLY IN ALL THE OTHER FOOD PROCESSORS, TOO.

HOW?

PROBABLY THROUGH ONE OF THE AIR VENTS.

CAPTAIN, THERE ARE VENTS OF THAT TYPE

ON THE SPACE STATION.

AND IN THE STORAGE COMPARTMENTS.

THIS IS KIRK.

CONTACT MANAGER LURRY AND NILZ BARIS.

HAVE THEM MEET US NEAR THE STORAGE COMPARTMENTS.

WE'RE BEAMING DOWN. COME ON, SPOCK.

ENERGIZE.

[SHRIEKING]

WHAT'S WRONG?

PLENTY, IF WHAT I THINK HAPPENED HAS HAPPENED.

GUARD, IS THAT DOOR SECURE?

YES, SIR. NOTHING COULD GET IN.

GOOD. OPEN IT.

IT'S NOT WORKING, SIR. IT SEEMS TO BE STUCK.

HERE. LET ME TRY IT.

THEY SEEM TO BE GORGED.

GORGED? ON MY GRAIN?

KIRK, I AM GOING TO HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE.

THERE MUST BE THOUSANDS OF THEM.

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS.

1,771,561.

THAT'S ASSUMING ONE TRIBBLE,

MULTIPLYING WITH AN AVERAGE LITTER OF 10,

PRODUCING A NEW GENERATION EVERY 12 HOURS

OVER A PERIOD OF THREE DAYS.

AND THAT'S ASSUMING THAT THEY GOT HERE THREE DAYS AGO.

AND ALLOWING FOR THE AMOUNT OF GRAIN CONSUMED

AND THE VOLUME OF THE STORAGE COMPARTMENT.

KIRK, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TURNING

THE DEVELOPMENT PROJECT INTO A TOTAL DISASTER.

MR. BARIS--

AND I'M THROUGH BEING INTIMIDATED, KIRK.

NOW, YOU HAVE INSULTED ME, YOU HAVE IGNORED ME,

YOU'VE WALKED ALL OVER ME.

YOU HAVE ABUSED YOUR AUTHORITY,

AND YOU HAVE REJECTED MY REQUESTS.

AND THIS-- THIS IS THE RESULT.

I AM GOING TO HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE, KIRK.

MR. BARIS, I'LL HOLD YOU IN IRONS IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP.

JIM, I THINK I'VE GOT IT.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS QUIT FEEDING THEM.

IF WE QUIT FEEDING THEM, THEY STOP BREEDING.

NOW HE TELLS ME.

CAPTAIN...

THIS TRIBBLE IS DEAD.

AND SO ARE THESE.

A LOT OF THEM ARE DEAD.

A LOT OF THEM ARE ALIVE.

THEY WON'T BE FOR LONG.

THE LOGICAL ASSUMPTION IS THAT THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE GRAIN.

YES. BONES, I WANT THE TRIBBLES,

THE GRAIN, EVERYTHING ANALYZED.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT KILLED THESE TRIBBLES.

I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT WHAT KEEPS THEM ALIVE YET.

ALL RIGHT. IF I FIND OUT ANYTHING, I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

THAT ISN'T GOING TO DO YOU ANY GOOD, KIRK.

THIS PROJECT IS RUINED,

AND STARFLEET IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

AND WHEN THEY DO,

THEY WILL HAVE A BOARD OF INQUIRY.

AND THEY WILL ROAST YOU ALIVE.

YES, WELL-- AND I AM GOING TO BE THERE,

KIRK, TO ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

YES. UNTIL THAT BOARD OF INQUIRY, I'M STILL THE CAPTAIN.

AND AS CAPTAIN, I WANT TWO THINGS DONE.

FIRST, FIND CYRANO JONES,

AND SECOND...

CLOSE THAT DOOR.

REALLY, CAPTAIN KIRK,

I MUST PROTEST THIS TREATMENT.

AH, MR. JONES, WITH AN ARMFUL.

A FEW QUESTIONS.

CAPTAIN KIRK!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

AN OFFICIAL APOLOGY

ADDRESSED TO THE KLINGON HIGH COMMAND.

I EXPECT YOU TO ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILITY

FOR THE PERSECUTION OF KLINGON NATIONALS IN THIS QUADRANT.

AN APOLOGY?

YES. YOU'VE HARASSED MY MEN.

YOU'VE TREATED THEM LIKE CRIMINALS.

YOU'VE BEEN MOST UNCOURTEOUS, CAPTAIN KIRK.

NOW, IF YOU WISH TO AVOID A DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT--

NO, KIRK. YOU CAN'T LET HIM.

THAT WILL GIVE THEM THE WEDGE THEY NEED

TO CLAIM SHERMAN'S PLANET.

I BELIEVE THAT MORE THAN THE WORD OF AN AGGRIEVED KLINGON COMMANDER

WOULD BE NECESSARY FOR THAT, MR. BARIS.

MR. SPOCK,

AS FAR AS SHERMAN'S PLANET IS CONCERNED,

CAPTAIN KIRK HAS ALREADY GIVEN IT TO US.

WELL, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT,

BUT BEFORE I TAKE ANY OFFICIAL ACTION,

I'D LIKE TO KNOW JUST WHAT HAPPENED.

WHO PUT THE TRIBBLES

IN THE QUADRO-TRITICALE?

AND WHAT WAS IN THE GRAIN THAT KILLED THEM?

CAPTAIN KIRK,

BEFORE YOU GO ON, MAY I MAKE A REQUEST?

YES.

CAN YOU GET THOSE THINGS OUT OF HERE?

[SHRIEKING]

REMARKABLE.

HOLD ON A MINUTE.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID TRIBBLES LIKED EVERYBODY.

WELL, THEY DO. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

THE LAST TIME I SAW ONE ACT THIS WAY

WAS AT THE BAR.

WHAT WAS IN THE BAR?

KLINGONS. HIM, FOR ONE.

[SHRIEKING]

WHY, YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. JONES.

THEY DON'T LIKE KLINGONS.

[SHRIEKING]

BUT THEY DO LIKE VULCANS.

[PURRING]

WELL, MR. SPOCK, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU.

OBVIOUSLY TRIBBLES ARE VERY PERCEPTIVE CREATURES, CAPTAIN.

OBVIOUSLY.

[PURRING]

MR. BARIS, THEY LIKE YOU.

WELL, THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE.

[SHRIEKING]

THEY DON'T LIKE YOU, MR. DARVIN. I WONDER WHY.

BONES?

HEARTBEAT IS ALL WRONG.

HIS BODY TEMPERATURE IS--

JIM, THIS MAN IS A KLINGON.

A KLINGON?

I WONDER WHAT STARFLEET COMMAND

WILL SAY ABOUT THAT.

WHAT ABOUT THE GRAIN, BONES?

OH, YES. IT WAS POISONED.

POISONED?

YES. IT'S BEEN IMPREGNATED WITH A VIRUS.

THE VIRUS TURNS INTO AN INERT MATERIAL

IN THE BLOODSTREAM.

THE MORE THE ORGANISM EATS,

THE MORE INERT MATTER IS BUILT UP.

SO AFTER TWO OR 3 DAYS, IT WOULD REACH A POINT

TO WHERE THEY COULDN'T TAKE IN

ENOUGH NOURISHMENT TO SURVIVE.

THEY STARVED TO DEATH.

IN A STORAGE COMPARTMENT FULL OF GRAIN,

THEY STARVED TO DEATH.

THAT IS ESSENTIALLY IT.

[SHRIEKING]

MR. DARVIN, YOU GOING TO TALK?

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. ALL RIGHT!

I POISONED THE GRAIN! TAKE THEM AWAY.

AND THE TRIBBLES HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT?

I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER SAW ONE BEFORE

IN MY LIFE, AND I HOPE I NEVER SEE

ONE OF THOSE FUZZY MISERABLE THINGS AGAIN.

I'M CERTAIN THAT CAN BE ARRANGED, DARVIN.

GUARDS.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN.

CAPTAIN KOLOTH...

ABOUT THAT APOLOGY.

YES?

YOU HAVE SIX HOURS TO GET YOUR SHIP

OUT OF FEDERATION TERRITORY.

[SHRIEKING]

[SHRIEKING]

NO. NO...

[PURRING]

HEY, YOU KNOW, I THINK I COULD LEARN TO LIKE TRIBBLES.

WELL, CAPTAIN, I SUPPOSE I'M FREE TO GO NOW.

NO, YOU'RE NOT. EH?

THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE PENALTY IS FOR TRANSPORTING

AN ANIMAL PROVEN HARMFUL TO HUMAN LIFE?

CAPTAIN, ONE LITTLE TRIBBLE ISN'T HARMFUL.

CAPTAIN, YOU WOULDN'T DO A THING LIKE THAT TO ME,

NOW, WOULD YOU?

WOULD YOU?

THE PENALTY IS 20 YEARS

IN A REHABILITATION COLONY.

CAPTAIN KIRK-- FRIEND, FRIEND KIRK,

SURELY WE CAN COME

TO SOME SORT OF MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING. HEH HEH.

AFTER ALL, MY TRIBBLES DID PUT YOU WISE

TO THE POISONED GRAIN,

AND THEY DID HELP YOU TO FIND THE KLINGON AGENT.

WE'VE SAVED A LOT OF LIVES THAT WAY.

HMM?

THERE IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO.

YES?

PICK UP EVERY TRIBBLE ON THE SPACE STATION.

IF YOU DO THAT,

I'LL SPEAK TO MR. LURRY

ABOUT RETURNING YOUR SPACESHIP.

THAT WOULD TAKE YEARS.

17.9 TO BE EXACT.

17.9 YEARS.

CONSIDER IT JOB SECURITY.

CAPTAIN, YOU'RE A HARD MAN.

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

YOU'LL DO IT?

I'LL DO IT.

CAPTAIN, STARFLEET WAS ABLE TO DIVERT THAT FREIGHTER.

GOOD. THAT MEANS SHERMAN'S PLANET

WILL GET ITS QUADRO-TRITICALE

ONLY A FEW WEEKS LATE.

I DON'T SEE ANY TRIBBLES AROUND HERE.

McCoy: AND YOU WON'T FIND A TRIBBLE

ON THIS ENTIRE SHIP.

BONES, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

WELL, I CANNOT TAKE CREDIT FOR ANOTHER MAN'S WORK.

SCOTTY DID IT.

SCOTTY!

WHERE ARE THE TRIBBLES?

OH, UM, CAPTAIN, IT WAS REALLY

MR. SPOCK'S RECOMMENDATION.

OF COURSE. SPOCK.

BASED ON COMPUTER ANALYSIS, OF COURSE,

TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE POSSIBILITIES OF--

GENTLEMEN, I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT

THIS MUTUAL ADMIRATION SOCIETY,

BUT I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHERE THE TRIBBLES ARE.

TELL HIM, SPOCK.

WELL, IT WAS MR. SCOTT

WHO PERFORMED THE ACTUAL ENGINEERING.

MR. SCOTT.

WHERE ARE THE TRIBBLES?

I USED THE TRANSPORTER, CAPTAIN.

YOU USED THE TRANSPORTER?

AYE.

WELL, WHERE DID YOU TRANSPORT THEM?

SCOTT, YOU DIDN'T TRANSPORT THEM INTO SPACE, DID YOU?

CAPTAIN KIRK, THAT WOULD BE INHUMAN.

WELL, WHERE ARE THEY?

I GAVE THEM A VERY GOOD HOME, SIR.

WHERE?!

I GAVE THEM TO THE KLINGONS, SIR.

YOU GAVE THEM TO THE KLINGONS?

AYE, SIR. BEFORE THEY WENT INTO WARP,

I TRANSPORTED THE WHOLE KIT AND CABOODLE INTO

THEIR ENGINE ROOM, WHERE THEY'LL BE NO TRIBBLE AT ALL.

[LAUGHTER]