Home > Star Trek: Voyager

Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy

DOCTOR: Somewhere in that totality known as the universe is a galaxy called the Milky Way.

Tucked into the corner of that galaxy is a planet named Earth.

On that planet is a city called Mantua.

Go straight ahead past the fountain, turn right, then left, then right again.

You'll find yourself walking along the water, listening as a man sings of his beloved's unfaithful heart.

And even the fish begin to weep.

"Quando la donna è mobile."

♪ La donna è mobile ♪

♪ Qual piuma al vento ♪

♪ Muta d'accento ♪

♪ E di pensiero ♪

♪ Sempre un'amabile ♪

♪ Leggiadro viso ♪

♪ In pianto, o in riso ♪

♪ E' menzognero ♪

♪ La donna è mobile ♪

♪ Qual piuma al vento ♪

♪ Muta d'accento ♪

( sniffles )

♪ E di pensier ♪

♪ E di pensier... ♪

Tuvok.

♪ E di pensier. ♪

( laughing )

( groans )

Tuvok. ( grunts )

Janeway to Security. Get a team to the Mess Hall right away.

Stand back. He's been seized by the Pon farr.

A neurochemical imbalance is driving him to mate.

We won't be able to reason with him.

♪ Tuvok, I understand ♪

♪ You are a Vulcan man ♪

♪ You have just gone without ♪

♪ For seven years about ♪

♪ Paris, please find a way ♪

♪ To load a hypospray ♪

♪ I will give you the sign ♪

♪ Just aim for his behind ♪

♪ Hormones are raging ♪

♪ Synapses blazing ♪

♪ It's all so ve... ♪

♪ ...ry illogical ♪

♪ Illogical ♪

♪ Ill... ♪

♪ Illogical. ♪

Bravo!

Bravo!

( cheers and applause )

Bravo!

Bravo!

( cheering and applause )

TORRES: Doctor?

Doctor?

Hello?

Hmm. ( clears throat )

Maybe I'd better run a diagnostic on your hearing subroutines. My hearing's fine.

I was just letting my mind wander, that's all.

If you're not working on anything, you should deactivate yourself.

Save us the energy. Wait a second.

I thought I was scheduled to go on the away team.

The planet looks pretty safe on the long-range sensors.

Any medical problems, and we can just use the transporter.

But take a look at those scans, see if there's anything we might have missed.

Lieutenant, I wanted to go on the away team.

There's a canyon on that planet I'd like to investigate.

I've already handed out assignments. Next time.

If you'd like, I'll snap a few images for you.

Don't bother.

Suit yourself.

I'll just use my imagination.

CHAKOTAY: Where did that come from?

Good question. Didn't show up on sensors until a few minutes ago.

T-class nebula.

1,000 kilometer diameter.

Hydrogen, helium... argon. Nothing too dramatic.

If you want some drama, take a look at this.

"To Captain Kathryn Janeway, Starship Voyager from Emergency Medical Hologram, Starship Voyager.

Topic: Status of Emergency Medical Hologram, Starship Voyager."

He's filing a formal grievance.

Regarding? His treatment by the crew.

There's also a paragraph about his future on Voyager and a proposal for his advancement.

"Failure to acknowledge sentience."

"Rude behavior."

What's this?

A request to be "made Captain in the event of a catastrophic emergency."

He's serious? Dead serious, and he wants a formal response... for the record.

Protocol allows for Commander Chakotay or myself to address his demands, if the Captain would prefer.

No, I'll take care of it.

I don't want anybody to be uncomfortable on this ship.

I guess we should all try to be a little more considerate of his feelings.

Captain, he does it to himself.

He's Chief Medical Officer.

Is it our fault that's not enough for him?

Resume course toward the planet.

Chakotay, you have the Bridge.

I've got a formal response to draft.

MALE: What category did I assign that vessel?

Unacceptable risk. Correct.

And what was my justification for that decision?

The ship appears in none of our databases.

Initial attempts to scan the interior failed.

Then why are you wasting our resources?

I-I think I can penetrate the hull... uh, using a micro-tunneling sensor...

And observe the interior one molecule at a time?

There are other potential targets that must be surveyed.

If I could tap into a data transfer conduit,

I'd be able to reach their main computer core.

That would tell me all we need to know about their tactical systems... in theory.

We could be detected. They may not like being spied upon.

I think I've been very careful avoiding this.

I'll take every precaution-- I promise!

Unacceptable risk.

I've already transmitted my proposal to the Hierarchy.

They should be responding momentarily.

Do you have something you'd like to say? No.

The Hierarchy cannot be bothered with every ill-conceived notion that you...

( beeping )

They've approved.

I'd better get started.

You're too confrontational.

He'll report you.

Humph.

Acceptable risk.

The layer of antonium runs right along the edge of the canyon.

My scans show geological instability within 100 meters of the target location.

I could put the Flyer down just outside of that.

NEELIX: I don't know, Tom.

That might be a little too far.

PARIS: What's the matter, Neelix?

Afraid of a little exercise?

Well, I think we could handle a 100-meter stroll.

PARIS: I have to agree.

NEELIX: Maybe getting there.

It's coming back I'm worried about.

We'll be loaded down with ore.

If the ground is unstable...

I suggest limiting the team members to 20 kilograms.

Preliminary scans indicate the crust is dense enough to support that weight.

You might try carrying a transport enhancer to the site.

NEELIX: That's not a bad idea.

We'll beam the ore back to the Delta Flyer-- and we won't have to carry anything.

TORRES: You know, this mission is starting to look a little more dangerous than we thought.

Maybe we do need the Doctor to come along.

If one of us fell through the crust, there could be injuries.

I require the Doctor's assistance in Astrometrics.

What for?

That's none of your business.

I think it is. ( groaning )

What's wrong, Captain?

It's nothing, really.

An old Academy injury.

Flares up every now and then.

I've learned to live with it, but maybe you should stay here and have a look.

Right... there.

Get away from him!

You ... are dismissed.

( satisfied sigh )

Doctor?

Doctor?

Yes... Captain.

Let's talk about these demands of yours.

I've given you a great deal of freedom on this ship.

I'm not disputing that.

But you're not satisfied, either.

I should be allowed to participate and advance according to my abilities, like any other member of this crew.

You should also know your limits.

My program can be expanded indefinitely.

I don't have limits. Maybe.

But we all have primary responsibilities.

Yours is Sick Bay. I'm a computer program.

Multiple tasking is second nature to me.

This proposal of yours... to be made a... what?

What did you call it?

ECH-- Emergency Command Hologram.

In principle, it's an interesting idea.

A backup Captain in case I'm incapacitated, and the command structure breaks down.

But expanding your program would take months of work.

The lives of the crew may depend on it someday.

I'm afraid the answer is no, Doctor.

However, as part of my formal response, I have recommended that Starfleet assign a team of engineers to consider your proposal.

When we get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I'll pass it along.

Thank you, Captain.

Thank you, Doctor.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the Emergency Command Hologram.

Hear, hear. ( applause )

Congratulations.

I've tried to access their internal sensors, but I couldn't get past the security encryption.

So I found something even better-- a holographic crewman.

I've tapped into his cognitive subroutines.

We can now monitor everything he's experiencing.

It's like having an agent on board.

To the ECH.

Captain, this is such an honor, but if you don't mind my saying, hardly a surprise.

( all laughing )

( satisfied sigh )

Allow me to introduce... the Doctor.

He's a computer program-- a sentient piece of holographic technology-- and he is Voyager's Medical Officer.

"Voyager"? That's the name of the ship.

I've only been observing the Doctor for a matter of hours, and I've already learned more about this vessel than I did in three days of sensor sweeps.

Elaborate.

The reason Voyager is not in our database is because they are not from this quadrant.

They're... lost... alone.

No backup vessel? Uh-huh.

No one to contact for help? Precisely.

Another few hours of observation and I will know all we need to know about them-- defenses, weapons, crew complement-- everything.

From monitoring one individual? Unlikely.

Actually... it is very likely.

The social structure on Voyager is-is much different than ours.

How so?

This is my observation post.

I have a single function, but the Doctor... does much more than just practice medicine.

He has access to the entire ship.

And he seems to be an expert on... everything.

In fact, the Captain just gave him authorization to command the bridge!

It was a very... exciting moment.

Why aren't you monitoring him now?

Well, the link drops out intermittently, but it should be reestablished in a few minutes.

Maintain your surveillance.

This'll take care of any potential allergens in the planet's atmosphere.

I'll monitor your medical status from the bridge, but I don't anticipate any problems.

Since I'm not going,

I wonder if you'd mind snapping a few holo-images for me while you're down there.

Gladly.

Tell me something, Mr. Neelix.

Do you... daydream?

On Talaxia, we have a saying--

"The dream dreams the dreamer."

Care to translate?

We like to think that fantasies and daydreams come from someplace else-- another land.

They slip into our minds and whisper about things we never imagined.

A strange notion.

Do you daydream, Doctor? No, of course not.

I'm a computer program.

I prefer wide shots, Mr. Neelix.

If you're feeling creative, throw in a little ultraviolet.

Will do.

( chuckling )

Voyager to Delta Flyer. Report.

PARIS: We're approaching the canyon. Phew, what a view.

I'm sure it is.

JANEWAY: Put us in a synchronous orbit above their landing coordinates.

Voyager, Mayday! What's wrong?

( staticky ): We've been hit.

I'm taking us down into the canyon...

Harry...

I don't know what happened to them.

I am picking up a vessel, Captain.

It's Borg.

Red alert.

On screen.

Battle stations.

Captain... you must relieve me of duty at once.

An assimilation virus has penetrated our defenses.

We're becoming drones.

Hard to Starboard.

Reinforce the shields.

Incoming fire!

Doctor...

Computer, activate the ECH.

Acknowledged.

Transferring all systems to your command.

You have the bridge. Indeed.

Shields to maximum.

Photon torpedoes, full volley.

Fire.

Computer, report.

Enemy shields are intact.

We are the Borg.

I know very well who you are.

Stand down your weapons.

State your designation.

Emergency Command Hologram, at your service.

Designation unknown.

Not for long.

Doctor...

COMPUTER: Warning.

Primary shields are failing.

This is the last time I'm going to ask you.

Stand down your weapons.

Turn back while you still can.

You will be assimilated.

Over my dead program.

Computer, activate the photonic cannon.

The photonic cannon is on line.

Fire.

KIM: Doctor, can you confirm?

The readings, Doctor.

Um, the, uh...

Uh... readings, uh... confirm, of course.

Uh, the away team's physiologies are within acceptable parameters.

All life signs stable.

You're okay to proceed, Tom.

PARIS: Understood.

We'll contact you again when we reach the site.

Voyager will not be an easy target.

It is armed with something called

"a photonic cannon".

I watched them destroy a Borg sphere with a single volley.

There are no reports of Borg in this region.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Did you check for debris?

The ship was annihilated.

There was nothing left for the sensors to pick up.

Continue.

Their Captain was disabled in the attack.

The hologram is now in command.

He's... an impressive individual-- a physician, an engineer... a warrior-- and very attractive to the females.

We must at all cost try to avoid a direct confrontation with him.

I recommend a type-3 stealth assault.

The Hierarchy approves.

Prepare for a stealth assault type-3.

Scan for Borg.

We don't want any last-minute surprises... or mistakes.

Doctor... can I have a word with you?

I know I let my attention drift a little on the bridge, but I assure you...

Are you kidding? That was incredible.

I just wanted to congratulate you.

For what exactly?

The Borg will have to think twice about attacking Voyager again.

Nice work.

Computer, locate Commander Chakotay.

Commander Chakotay is in his quarters.

Something wrong?

TORRES: What were you trying to do?

I've been experimenting with introducing a new function into my program-- cognitive projections... daydreaming. I wanted to be able to daydream.

An inefficient activity.

We all do it now and then, Seven. Why not the Doctor?

My thought exactly. So, what's the problem?

The algorithms are malfunctioning.

I'm starting to daydream... whether I want to or not.

They say a Doctor who operates on himself has a p'takh for a patient.

I can help him. I'm sure you can.

The Doctor and I are going to Sick Bay.

Any excuse to be alone with him, eh, Seven?

Assimilation is an unpleasant fate.

Is that a threat?

( alarm blaring )

This is impossible. The warp containment field is failing!

COMPUTER: Warp core breach in 30 seconds.

Try stabilizing the antimatter flow.

The control linkage is down.

COMPUTER: Warning. Warp core breach a lot sooner than you think.

TORRES: We've got to get someone inside the warp core... try to eject it manually.

No one could survive the current level of plasma radiation.

The Doctor. The Doctor.

This isn't real... is it?

Doc, you're the only one who can help us.

Warning. Last chance to be a hero, Doctor.

Get going.

Here's the problem.

The new algorithms weren't isolated properly.

They've branched into his perceptual subroutines.

Doc, why don't we take a closer look at the matrix and...

What are you doing?

I have to eject the core. What?!

Deactivate his program. No, it will damage his matrix.

Don't try to stop me.

Let's take him to Sick Bay.

I have to save the ship!

I have to save the ship!

I have to save the ship!

You look lovely tonight, Seven.

Where shall we go? That sounds wonderful.

The new algorithms have completely taken over his program.

Ambassador!

So, now he's daydreaming constantly?

It's a photonic cannon. I designed it myself.

He seems to be randomly jumping from one to the next.

Oh. Pardon me, Miss.

I routed his subroutines to Holodeck 1, so Harry and Seven could monitor his fantasies.

Do you think that's appropriate?

They're his fantasies, and I promised him we'd show a little more consideration.

It'll give us a better idea of what's going on, help us fix him.

Mr. Neelix, how thoughtful.

You baked me a cake...

Kim to Sick Bay.

Go ahead, Harry.

You might want to have a look at this.

We're on our way.

Mm-hmm.

Keep still, please.

Anything you say, Doctor.

He does the hands very well.

Apparently, he's had a great deal of practice.

Look at these.

( alarm blaring )

Computer... activate the Emergency Command Hologram.

This is the part I like.

Nice touch.

Bring the photonic cannon on line.

Photonic cannon?

A weapon of mass destruction, invented by the Doctor, of course.

Of course. In many of his fantasies, he takes command and saves the ship.

I see.

Which means that particular algorithm is more easily accessible than the others.

So, if we can isolate it, we might be able to stabilize his program.

TORRES: Why do you torment me like this?

DOCTOR: That was never my intention.

It wasn't?

I want you to be happy, B'Elanna.

( sighs ): Without you? What?!

Shh...

I'll always be... fond of you.

That will never change.

You can't just leave me.

I couldn't bear to be alone.

Aren't you forgetting someone?

He needs you, B'Elanna, now more than ever.

Forget him.

He's not half the man you are.

Mm-hmm. Well...

I've seen enough of this.

All right, let's go back to Sick Bay and try to isolate that algorithm.

Congratulations.

Thank you for this opportunity, Captain.

All I've ever wanted was to live up to my full potential... to hone all my skills... expand my abilities... to help the people I love.

MALE: What's the status?

I lost the signal again.

I don't know what happened.

Two assault vessels are on course to join us.

Accurate information is essential!

The more I learn about Voyager, the more I wonder... if it's worth the trouble.

Clarify.

Launching an attack against such a heavily armed vessel carries a great risk, and for what?

A little antimatter and some dilithium...

Your survey indicated large quantities of both.

We've already committed substantial resources to mounting this assault.

Were you mistaken? No!

( stammering ): Not at all.

I'm just... sounding a note of caution.

If our boarding party doesn't find Voyager exactly as you've described it... the Hierarchy will be informed.

I understand.

There has been no mistake.

Then we'll proceed.

I've made a terrible mistake.

How... terrible?

The Doctor was appearing in a different location every few seconds.

It didn't seem possible. So, I investigated a little further and...

I haven't been monitoring his perceptions.

I've been watching his dreams... or his... his imaginings.

I'm not sure which... but none of this is real.

What am I going to do?

( door opens, footsteps approach )

I came to check on your patient.

He's doing just fine, Captain.

It took Lieutenant Torres half the night to stabilize my matrix, but I haven't had a single flight of fancy since.

I apologize for altering my program without permission.

Well, at least there wasn't any permanent damage.

( sighs ): I'm afraid there was.

I've been exposed... humiliated... turned inside out for all the world to see.

If I've lost your respect...

That will never happen... certainly not because we've seen a few random fantasies.

We all daydream, Doctor.

It helps us imagine other possibilities in life.

Just hold off until we've figured out a way for you to do it without damaging yourself, all right?

( door chimes )

JANEWAY: Come in.

Ship status report.

Federation Law.

Thinking about a career change?

In a way.

Not for me, though.

I've been going over the legal precedents for granting command positions to holograms.

There aren't any.

Captain, this ship needs its Doctor.

He should focus on what he was programmed for-- medical care.

I think we've underestimated him because of our own human limitations.

His full potential's unknown, Chakotay.

Would you be comfortable handing over your ship to a computer program?

Well, I don't know if I'd take it that far.

You might have to. He probably won't settle for less.

( buzz of conversation )

Oh, no.

Allow me to shake your hand.

Congratulations.

Doctor, may I please have a word with you?

I don't recall dreaming you up.

You didn't. I'm transmitting a simulation of myself into your program, but I am real.

Doctor to the Bridge. I'm daydreaming again. Somebody deactivate me.

Voyager is about to be attacked.

Of course it is, unless the valiant Doctor swings into action, right? Yes, yes, precisely.

A common theme in all my fantasies.

I reactivated your cognitive algorithms.

I put you back into this... fiction.

( whispering )

Here. Why?

It was the only way for me to communicate with you.

I'm listening. I'm a long-range observer on an assault-class vessel.

I scan passing ships for technology and raw materials.

When I find an acceptable target, we raid it.

You've been spying on us.

More to the point-- on you.

For several days, I've been using a long-range tunneling sensor to tap into your program.

You were supposed to be our eyes and ears on Voyager.

Instead, I got this.

My daydreams?!

You tapped into my daydreams?!

That's why my algorithms have been destabilizing.

My fault. I'm sorry.

Tell me about this attack.

My ship is less than an hour away.

I can help you avoid a confrontation, but you must do exactly what I say.

Why should you want to help us?

You don't understand.

The Hierarchy does not tolerate mistakes or misinformation.

If they learn of my error...

I'll lose my livelihood.

Well, that's what you get for being a Peeping Tom.

But I also care about what happens to you.

I feel like I've gotten to know you over the past few days.

You've been spying on my fantasies, not me.

You don't know me at all.

But I do.

I know how your mind works... what your hopes are.

You created all these... possibilities.

My species, we're... very different.

Our thinking is confined, but...

I can't help... but admire you.

I don't want you to be harmed.

Then I suppose we should swing into action.

Captain, we're about to be attacked.

Alien vessels are approaching.

There's nothing on the sensors, Doc.

The vessels are cloaked. How do you know this?

One of the aliens contacted me.

TUVOK: I've detected no transmissions.

He spoke to me in a daydream. I don't want to hear it.

However, I would like to know why you've disobeyed my direct order.

I can prove it to you.

The alien told me how to reconfigure our sensors to compensate for their cloaking field.

He's right. I'm picking up three ships out there-- distance, 600 million kilometers, headed right for us. On screen.

Maximum magnification.

The alien won't help us unless we help him.

What if this is all part of their attack? A ruse?

He's already helped us compensate for their cloak. I'm inclined to believe him.

So am I, but I'd just as soon set a course away from here at maximum warp.

That will only delay a confrontation.

They have vessels hidden throughout the entire sector.

Did your friend have a plan?

He said they're running what's called a type-3 stealth assault.

They won't de-cloak until they're right on top of us, at which point they'll fire a warning shot across our bow.

Then come the demands-- for supplies and technology.

If we don't comply, they'll destroy us.

Fortunately, the alien promised to transmit the resonance frequencies of their phasers.

And in return?

In return...

He mistakenly informed his superiors that I was in command of Voyager.

To keep himself from being demoted, he wants us... to maintain that fiction.

When they open the channel, I have to be sitting in the Captain's chair.

I'm sorry, Captain... but he insisted.

Well, I guess it's time to turn fantasy into reality.

I'm in over my head. What if I fail?

You sound like I did when the Captain put me in command of the night shift.

That chair looked so big, I thought I'd sink so far into it that nobody would be able to see me.

But you had your Academy training to fall back on.

Yeah, well, sounds like you've had plenty of practice.

That wasn't real.

Listen, Doc... the whole reason you wanted to be able to daydream was to test out possibilities, right?

Well, consider this a field test.

Why isn't there any hull damage from the Borg attack?

They... repaired it.

So quickly? Hmm.

Prepare for type-4 assault.

Type-4? That would cause a huge drain on our energy core-- a... a waste of resources.

Do you really think that's necessary?

What I think doesn't matter.

Your long-range surveillance indicated an attack by Borg.

On closer inspection, that appears to be doubtful.

Your report on this vessel could be mistaken.

I think caution is in order.

The Hierarchy agrees.

Proceed to type-4.

Captain on the bridge.

( gasps )

It won't bite.

What I wouldn't give right now for a whoopee cushion.

A what? ( chuckling )

Ancient technology.

( beeping loudly )

Captain, we're ready to proceed.

Acknowledged, Commander.

The internal com-link is active.

No one will be able to hear you but the Doctor.

Doctor, are you ready?

No, but do I have a choice?

I'll be with you every step of the way.

Just remember, I'm still the captain.

Understood.

I'm receiving a transmission on a secure channel-- audio only.

Must be the Doctor's friend.

Let's hear what he has to say.

Doctor?

Hello? Voyager here. It's me.

ALIEN ( quietly ): Doctor, something terrible has happened.

They've ordered a type-4 assault.

Our phaser frequencies will be rotated continuously.

I won't be able to help you.

Evasive maneuvers. TUVOK: Three vessels are de-cloaking off the port bow.

That didn't feel like a warning shot.

Direct hit. Shields are holding.

They're hailing us.

This is it, Doctor.

On screen.

You see? There he is.

Uh... be careful.

He-he-he's dangerous.

The Hierarchy controls this region of space.

Your ship has supplies and technology that we require.

Tell him we'll defend ourselves.

They won't get what they're after.

We'll defend ourselves.

They won't get what they're after. Huh?

I mean you... won't get what you're after.

Not in a million years.

Not if I have anything to say about it!

Don't improvise, Doctor.

Sorry.

MALE: An exchange of fire would damage both of our ships, but we have support nearby.

You are alone. Take your weapons off-line and prepare to be b...

TUVOK: Excuse the interruption, Commander.

I've found a potential weakness in their shields, but I'll need time to reconfigure our phasers.

Keep him occupied, Doctor. On screen.

( stammering )

This is my final warning.

Don't... rush me.

Take your weapons off-line. Immediately.

I won't ask again.

You... appear to be suffering from a physio-emotive disorder.

You're impatient, quick to anger.

Do you have any idea what that does to your vascular pressure?

You may want to see a physician.

Firing phasers.

Direct hit.

Ha!

How do you like that, huh?

A taste of your own medicine!

JANEWAY: Tone it down, Doctor.

Sorry.

Our phasers are off-line.

Prepare to be boarded.

JANEWAY: It's time to negotiate, Doctor.

Tell them... Tuvok!

Activate the photonic cannon.

Tuvok, that was an order!

Activating the photonic cannon... sir.

I'd rather not give the order to fire.

My sensors are showing no activation sequence.

Of course not. The photonic cannon is impervious to sensors.

The Borg couldn't detect it either.

That's why they were destroyed.

The Borg, the Hierarchy-- it's all the same to me.

Just another bully who didn't know when to back off.

We'll be vaporized.

( both sighing )

The Hierarchy suggests retreat.

( sighing )

They're moving away at maximum impulse.

Go ahead, Doctor.

You've earned it.

Seven of Nine to the Doctor. Go ahead.

I require your assistance in the mess hall.

( sighing )

I'll be right there.

ALL: Surprise! ( applause )

Don't worry, Doc.

You're not dreaming. Captain?

For your imaginative defense of this ship and her crew,

I'm awarding you the Starfleet Medal of Commendation.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I've also reconsidered your request.

I'm going to authorize a research project to explore your command abilities.

You're a natural.

Congratulations, Doctor.

That was a platonic gesture.

Don't expect me to pose for you.

Noted.