Home > Star Trek: Voyager

Live Fast and Prosper

You're late. There was a problem with the pulse drills on level four.

They're going to be here any moment.

I want to make a good impression.

You're certain we should be doing this?

Orek will be pleased that we took the initiative.

I hope you're right.

Welcome to Telsius.

Thank you.

I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway.

This is Commander Tuvok.

We're from the Federation Starship Voyager.

"JANEWAY": We have several mines like this on Earth.

MINER: I'm not familiar with Earth.

That's because it's 30,000 light years from here.

30,342.4, to be exact.

You're a long way from home.

It's difficult sometimes.

Then I close my eyes and think of the farm in Indiana where I grew up.

For a moment, I'm home again.

Should we get down to business?

Yes. We've had a shortage of dilithium for the last two months.

If we can't replenish our supply, we may be forced to suspend work.

Our chief of mining operations has gone to the Grenna system...

But, um, we are authorized to conduct trades in his absence.

What are you prepared to trade?

I'm afraid the only commodity we have is, uh, bolomite.

We really don't have much use for that.

On the contrary, Captain.

Bolomite is used in omega radiation therapy.

The orphans on... Orphans?

The settlers on the Narva Colony were exposed to toxic levels of omega radiation.

The entire adult population was killed.

We're doing all we can for the children.

All right.

20 kilotons of dilithium for an equivalent amount of bolomite.

We only have ten kilotons left.

Then ten it is.

Captain, I must point out that dilithium is worth nearly twice as much as bolomite.

Tuvok, these people need our help.

I'm not going to quibble over a few tons of ore.

Perhaps we should celebrate.

I wish we could, but there's a neutronic storm approaching our ship.

We should be leaving orbit.

Give us an hour to finalize the arrangements.

We'll be waiting to hear from you.

Before we leave, would it be possible to tour your facility?

It's our duty as Starfleet officers to...

Unfortunately, the storm won't wait.

Maybe on our next visit.

Live long and prosper.

This hair is so uncomfortable.

I find it aesthetically pleasing.

The negotiations? It would've been perfect if "Tuvok" hadn't decided to improvise.

I was portraying my character as truthfully as possible.

Once we finish a transaction, we leave.

Is that clear? Indeed.

Incoming transmission for Captain Janeway.

Ready.

This is Captain Janeway.

The bolomite is ready for transport.

We thank you for your generosity.

Directive 927 of the Starfleet General Order:

"Always help those in need."

Transport complete.

We've enjoyed meeting you, gentlemen.

Uh, Captain, uh, we haven't received the dilithium yet.

Oh, the neutronic storm seems to be interfering with our transporters.

If we don't leave orbit immediately, we will sustain heavy damage.

What about our dilithium?

We'll be back to deliver it as soon as the storm clears.

Well, how long will that be? Captain Janeway out.

Let's go.

( laughing )

Computer, activate the sonic shower.

( humming )

( humming gets louder )

Oh... adjust the frequency.

( loud humming continues )

Whew! Computer, deactivate the sonic shower!

Report.

We've got systems failures on eight decks, Captain.

That explains why my sonic shower was a little louder than usual.

Make that nine decks.

I've run every diagnostic I know, and I can't seem to isolate the problem.

Gremlins. Excuse me?

In the early days of aviation, engineers blamed imaginary little creatures called gremlins for malfunctions they could not explain.

( beeping )

Well, one of your gremlins just paid a visit to the replicator system.

Tuvok, we saved you a seat.

What's wrong?

Someone has altered one of my holodeck programs... again.

Are you sure it isn't just one of these malfunctions?

Everything on the ship's been affected, including the holodecks.

The Oracle of K'Tal isn't programmed to wear pajamas.

Well, maybe he overslept.

I am not amused by your practical jokes, Mr. Paris.

Why do you always think it's me?

Mr. Kim?

I'd like to claim credit, but I'm innocent.

The next time I visit the holodeck,

I expect to find my program restored to its original parameters.

I'm telling you, Tuvok, we didn't do it.

I wonder how the oracle would look in a sombrero.

( laughing )

Everybody, stop eating.

Captain, what's wrong?

If I could have everyone's attention for a moment.

We found a contaminant in the replicator system.

It's nothing serious, but if any of you start to feel a little queasy, report to Sick Bay immediately.

In the meantime, the galley is closed.

I wish I hadn't had seconds.

Here.

Well, that explains it.

Don't tell me a simple heating coil in the stove is responsible for everything that's gone wrong this morning.

Any component connected to the integrated circuitry can spread a contaminant.

This isn't Starfleet issue.

Where did it come from?

I obtained it during a trade.

With whom? Sister Dala.

"Sister"?

One of the clerics on Selnia Prime.

Tom and I met her during our away mission.

She was the one trying to help all those poor orphans.

It's all in our report.

Did you run a diagnostic before you installed it?

CHAKOTAY: Captain to the Bridge.

I'm a little busy now. Can it wait?

I'm afraid not.

I'll be right back.

One excuse after another.

You're stalling, and I don't have time for it.

Captain, this is Mr. Orek.

He's chief of mining operations on Telsius Prime.

A problem, Mr. Orek?

Not if you deliver our dilithium.

Dilithium?

It's all clearly documented.

Ten kilotons of bolomite ore

in exchange for ten kilotons of dilithium.

I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding.

One way or another, I intend to collect what you owe me.

We've enjoyed meeting you, gentlemen.

MINER 1: Captain, we haven't received the dilithium yet.

Oh, the neutronic storm seems to be interfering with our transporters.

If we don't leave orbit immediately, we will sustain heavy damage.

MINER 2: What about our dilithium?

We'll be back to deliver it as soon as the storm clears.

( sighs ): Do you still deny you made the trade?

That woman isn't me. Who is she, then?

Well, she's obviously an impostor.

I have transmission logs, transport records, scans of your shuttle craft.

I have never been to your planet, Mr. Orek, aboard Voyager or any other vessel.

Our ship's logs will confirm what the Captain's been telling you.

How do I know they're authentic records?

How do we know your records are authentic?

You think I falsified data? Why would I do that?

Perhaps to extort dilithium from us.

I'm not the thief here.

We are not questioning your integrity, Mr. Orek.

It does appear you've been cheated, but not by me or anyone on my crew.

How naive do you think I am?

First, you prey upon the sympathy of my miners by telling them stories about poor, orphaned children.

Now you try to convince me you're the victims here.

Did you say "orphaned children"?

A despicable tactic.

Will you excuse me for a minute, please?

We are not finished!

Neelix.

Captain, we're making real progress.

Never mind that. Tell me more about this cleric who gave you the heating coil.

Sister Dala? What do you want to know?

Everything.

Well, Tom and I met her during our away mission.

We were on a small planetoid in the Wyanti system searching for a spore the doctor wanted to grow anti-viral proteins with.

I tell you, Neelix, when I first joined Starfleet,

I knew it was going to be one glamorous adventure after another.

But I never dreamed that I'd have the opportunity to go on a mold-hunting expedition.

I'm detecting traces of glamour in this direction.

Please, go no further.

This is our sanctuary.

Our scans didn't detect anyone down here.

Our sect is a solitary one.

We dampen our life signs to protect the privacy of our meditations.

We're terribly sorry if we've disturbed you.

Begin the cleansing.

Olat mal pri, mal pra, mal prolat.

Olate kal mi, kal ma, kal molat.

I hope we haven't committed a serious transgression.

The transgression was ours.

We should have guarded the sanctuary more carefully.

The deities will be angry.

Come on, Neelix. We better get out of the way.

Of... Of course.

Our sincere apologies.

If there's anything that we can do...

Forgive me, but you look familiar.

I don't think that we've ever met before.

Do you see it?

Yes.

You bear a striking resemblance to our Redeemer of Light.

I'm flattered.

Each spring, we make a pilgrimage to Narva in his honor to help the orphans.

Well, that's a very worthy cause.

It is.

Unfortunately, we have no food to bring them this year.

Why not?

A blight infected our hydroponic pods.

The crop was destroyed.

Maybe we could replicate some food for you.

We bestow charity on others.

The deities forbid us from accepting it ourselves.

How about a trade? Yeah. Good idea.

You must have something that we can use.

That way, you wouldn't be accepting charity and the deities would have nothing to get angry about.

Your heart is as kind as your face.

May the deities bless you.

JANEWAY: That's when they gave you the heating coil?

It was going to take a while to replicate the supplies they needed, so we invited them back to the Flyer.

That's when they must have gotten access to our systems.

Captain?

Did you leave either of them alone at any point?

I don't think so. After we ate,

Tom took Brother Mobar to see the cockpit, but I stayed in the aft section with Sister Dala, talking.

About what? Well, me, mostly.

She wanted to know all about my role on Voyager.

Ambassador, Morale Officer, Head Chef.

It sounds as though you're invaluable.

I do what I can.

Where is your Voyager now?

About three light-years from here.

Your crew is alone in this region?

We are the only Federation starship within 30,000 light-years.

That must be difficult.

Sometimes it is, but we manage.

We've single-handedly taken on the Borg, the Hirogen, Species 8472...

I'm impressed.

Captain Janeway deserves most of the credit.

She's an extraordinary woman.

Your captain is a woman?

The finest one I've ever known.

Tell me about her.

Well, uh... she's commanded Voyager for almost six years now.

Before that, she was a science officer on the Al-Batani.

Where does she come from? Earth.

It's in the Alpha Quadrant.

She grew up on a little farm in a place called Indiana.

You'd like her.

I'm sure I would.

Sister Dala... Yes, Brother Mobar.

It's late. We must return to the sanctuary.

So soon?

It's time for the evening meditation.

We can't thank you enough for all you've done.

We're just glad that we could help.

The blessing.

Certainly.

May the deities bless these travelers.

Tala ot val.

Tala ot relina.

Sen tala.

Sen relina.

Val golina.

Su ketran.

Tala otval. Tala ot relina.

Then we transported them back to their sanctuary.

How long did this blessing last?

No more than a minute or two.

That's probably all they needed.

For what?

Just what I thought.

The entire database was downloaded 18 days ago.

Brother Mobar. The talisman.

It was obviously some sort of scanner.

What would a couple of religious clerics want with our database?

It might help if they wanted to pose as federation officers.

Gentlemen, I believe you've been had.

The way I see it, we're both victims.

Your bolomite was stolen, and our reputation has been damaged.

What are you proposing?

You said you had scans of the vessel that visited your mining colony.

If you allow us to analyze them, we might be able to derive the impostors' warp signature.

We could find them and recover your property before they cheat someone else.

This is all difficult for me to believe.

Two of your crewmen deceived by clerics?

Hmm! Could they really have been so naive?

A legitimate question.

It's obvious we're dealing with clever adversaries-- they fooled both of us. But I'm confident we can stop them.

Perhaps I should contact Telsian Security.

They have persuasive methods for determining the truth.

In the meantime, the real thieves could be halfway across the sector with your bolomite in their cargo hold.

And finally, our bridge.

Is this a typical Federation vessel?

Well, the Delta Flyer may look a little worn, but that's only because she's been through so much.

This ship has helped fend off the Borg, the Hirogen, Species 8472.

Most of your technology is outdated.

Show him the mothership, Mr. Chakotay.

The USS Voyager... Intrepid Class.

15 decks of the most advanced technology you'll find anywhere.

Dilithium-powered warp engines, integrated bio-neural circuitry, holodecks...

Is this a typical Federation vessel?

Every ship in the fleet is built to exacting standards.

But I'd be lying if I told you I didn't think Voyager was exceptional.

As her captain, I'm not entirely objective.

I'm sure you feel the same way about your ship.

It is my home.

I'm glad to hear you say that, Mr. Varn... because that's exactly what the Federation is--

A home for an extended family who share resources and come to one another's aid in time of need.

So, if my ship joins your Federation,

Voyager will help me fight my enemies?

The primary goal of the Federation is exploration. Military objectives...

There's no need to bore our guest with Starfleet protocol, Tuvok.

My enemies have sophisticated weaponry.

As do we.

Photon torpedoes... optronically targeted phasers... multi-spectrum shielding.

All of which we would not hesitate to share with a fellow member of the Federation.

What will I have to do to join?

In order to be considered, a candidate must make formal application.

An extensive review is conducted by a committee composed of...

The process is complicated, but Captain Janeway has influence with the Federation council.

And you would use that influence on my behalf?

I'd be foolish not to.

You are just the type of candidate we're looking for.

I'll have to discuss this with my shipmates.

Joining the Federation is a serious commitment.

Take all the time you need.

Captain, our latest orders from Starfleet Command: we won't be back here for at least six months.

Well, perhaps we can discuss your application then.

If we were to apply now, could you assure us we'd be accepted?

You realize you'll have to commit considerable resources.

I'll do whatever is necessary.

Well, let me be the first to say... welcome to the Federation.

You look like you could use a cup of coffee.

I've been flying concentric search patterns for the last 12 hours.

Any sign of the impostors?

Neelix, what has happened to us?

I know exactly what you mean.

I've been over it a thousand times.

Why didn't we see this coming? Orphans!

It's the oldest gambit in the book.

I mean, if it'd been Harry, I could understand it.

He trusts everybody, but you and me?

We've dealt with our share of shady characters.

I think maybe... maybe we've lost our edge.

Hand me one of those terra nuts.

What are you doing?

Proving you wrong.

Ah, the old shell game.

All we need now is a mark.

I think I see one coming.

You go ahead. I'll follow your lead.

Now watch carefully.

I place the terra nut under the cup.

Then I shuffle them.

Round and round they go.

Keep your eye on the nut.

But be careful, the hand is faster than the eye.

Now, for three hours of holodeck time, can you tell me where is the terra nut?

Uh...

There.

No, no. No, that one.

Oh... I really thought I had you this time.

Oh, keep trying, Neelix.

You'll fool me one of these days.

This looks like an interesting game. May I have a turn?

Oh, be my guest. But, uh, you'll have to wager something.

If I win, you take three duty shifts in Sick Bay.

And if I win, you take three shifts in the kitchen.

Done.

Ready?

Now, watch carefully.

Round and round they go.

Follow the terra nut if you can.

But be careful-- the hand is faster than the eye.

Careful, Doc, try not to blink.

Don't you worry, Mr. Paris.

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool my optical subroutines.

Where is it, then?

In your left palm.

How did you...? Superior visual acuity.

See you in Sick Bay.

I'm detecting a vessel on long-range scans.

The warp signature matches the impostor's ship.

Harry, tell Tom his coffee break is over.

Set a pursuit course. Yes, ma'am.

The photon torpedoes you gave me are worthless.

No better than plasma flares.

Perhaps you didn't arm them properly.

And in the middle of the battle, the Polonians warned me to cease hostilities or face destruction at the hands of your Federation.

You allowed my enemies to join.

Evidently, the Federation Council decided that...

Your Federation is a fraud! I demand reparations.

You'll have to submit a formal report to Starfleet.

Enough! If you will not reimburse me, I'll seize your ship.

Disable the beam!

I can't. We have an additional problem.

Voyager.

There's another ship alongside the impostors.

It's got them in a tractor beam.

Hail both vessels.

No response from either one.

Well, let's try to get their attention.

Mr. Tuvok...

Voyager's charging weapons.

Perhaps we should surrender to them.

The Federation has an extremely humane policy regarding the treatment of prisoners.

Hail Varn again!

Do it!

Look on your scanners, Varn.

Our mothership's arrived.

She's armed and ready to defend us.

Tell them to stand down.

Release us or Voyager will destroy you.

The other ship is hailing.

On screen.

Stand down, Voyager.

I have no argument with you.

However, the vessel you're tractoring...

I paid for my Federation membership.

The Delta Flyer belongs to me now.

Sir, I think you've been misled.

Yes, I have.

Three direct hits. Shields down to 60%.

Target his tractor beam. Nobody is taking possession of the Delta Flyer today except us.

Lock onto them. CHAKOTAY: Yes, ma'am.

Now our tractor generator's off-line.

Shields down to 41%.

The impostor's ship is powering engines.

Seven, transport everyone on that vessel directly to the brig.

Establishing a lock on three life signs.

That impact damaged the transporters.

I'm losing annular confinement.

Harry, reroute additional power!

They're gone. JANEWAY: Seven?

I only got one of them.

Get us out of here, Mr. Paris.

Aye, Captain.

Nice hair.

It's not really my taste.

Posing as a Starfleet captain, selling memberships to the Federation...

Too bad we didn't think of it, Tuvok.

Imagine the resources we could have acquired over the past six years.

Indeed. I have to admit I'm impressed.

I wish I could say the same.

The great Captain Janeway.

Somehow, I expected you to be... taller.

I make a better you than you.

Oh, I don't know.

I'd say we're very much alike-- resourceful, intelligent, ambitious-- but with just one tiny difference.

And what is that?

I'm not a liar and a thief.

You're going to give me a detailed account of everyone you cheated and exactly what you did with their property.

Why would I do that?

Because if you don't,

I'm turning you over to Telsian security.

Oh, is that supposed to frighten me?

How much do you know about the Telsians?

Just that they're a more gullible species than most.

Tell her about your research, Mr. Tuvok.

I beg your pardon, Captain?

On Telsian law. I think it's only fair that we let our guest know what to expect.

The Telsian criminal justice system is rather barbaric.

Tell her about the prisons.

Barely habitable.

Inmates often die of malnutrition before they are brought to trial.

Torture is commonplace, as is disease, including several incurable forms of psoriasis.

I think she gets the general idea.

Suppose I do tell you.

How do I know you won't turn me over to the Telsians anyway?

If you make full restitution to your victims,

I'll give you safe passage out of this area.

Is that a promise, Captain?

I know it's hard for you to believe, but occasionally, some of us tell the truth.

Give me the Delta Flyer and three days to get as far away from here as I can, and then I'll send you the information you want.

How naive do you think I am?

As far as the victims are concerned, you're the one who cheated them.

Without my help, you'll be the one who has a problem leaving this sector.

Tuvok, contact Telsian security.

Tell them we have a prisoner to turn over.

Psoriasis?

Improvisation is not foremost among my talents.

Considering I caught you off guard,

I thought your performance was exemplary.

Thank you, Captain. Was your order to call the Telsians part of the deception, or did you actually want me to contact them?

Not yet. Let's give Dala some time to think about those barbaric prisons.

Do you believe she'll relent? I'm not sure.

Something tells me she's just as stubborn as I am.

Then, am I to assume you have an alternative plan?

I'm like you, Tuvok-- making it up as I go along.

The Captain said bread and water, but I didn't see any harm.

I'm not hungry.

I'll just leave it here... in case you change your mind.

May I ask you something?

You want to know if you really resemble the Redeemer of Light?

I'm not that gullible.

Then what?

Do you ever feel guilty... taking advantage of people who actually think that you care about them?

You seem like a good person. I'm sorry I lied to you.

Actually, I think you're just sorry you got caught.

Probably.

There. Now you're being honest.

I knew it was possible.

If you don't mind my asking, why do you do what you do?

My father taught me most people will exploit you if they can.

So, it's best to exploit them first.

You know, I used to be a lot like you.

Living by my wits. Never trusting anyone.

Always trying to end up on the more profitable side of a transaction.

But now you don't hesitate to help starving orphans.

I changed-- when Captain Janeway made me part of the crew.

I suppose you suddenly reformed.

No, no. Not right away.

At first, I was just exploiting an opportunity to get a warm bed, food, protection.

I kept waiting to find out what the Captain wanted in return.

But she never asked for a thing.

On the contrary.

She expected a great deal from me.

Honesty, loyalty, hard work.

I should've guessed.

But I discovered that those were commodities I had in abundance, and it was much more profitable to share them than it was to be self-serving and cynical all the time.

I'm happier than I've ever been.

I suppose that you think I could change, too.

Stranger things have happened.

Do you really think that she'll give me safe passage if I make restitution?

If that's what she promised you.

Then what?

I have never done anything else.

Captain Janeway let Seven of Nine remain on board, and she was Borg.

Are you saying she'd do the same thing for me?

I'd be willing to talk to her.

I cheated you.

Why are you being so kind to me?

Like my great-grandmother used to say,

"It's nice to be nice."

Is that tea still warm?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so clumsy.

Security to the brig.

She's gone.

It's not right to abandon her.

Going back is too dangerous.

She's our captain. No, she's not.

And even if she were, we wouldn't be able to rescue her.

We'd be captured ourselves.

Without Captain Janeway, it will be difficult to continue our activities.

It's too late for that. There must be a logical way...

What's logical is to get as far away as we can.

( beeping )

There's a vessel approaching.

It's the Delta Flyer.

Activate the shields.

They're hailing.

It's Captain Janeway.

Our Janeway or theirs?

Which one did you expect?

I'm pleased to see you, Captain.

Lower the shields so I can transport aboard.

How were you able to escape?

I'll tell you once I'm aboard.

It's difficult to believe you weren't detected.

Are you accusing me of something?

ZAR: ...being cautious.

How do we know this isn't a deception?

DALA: Why would I try to deceive you?

ZAR: You could be helping Voyager capture us...

Are we in position?

DALA: I don't have time for this.

Ready?

Captain on the Bridge.

As you were.

Now, what about the bolomite and the rest of our earnings?

They're exactly where we left them.

Well, it's time to collect them and leave the region.

Set a course before Voyager finds us.

You're not in command here.

I just spent the last 24 hours in Voyager's brig.

I have no intention of going back.

I'm picking up life signs on the Delta Flyer.

That can't be.

I was right. You brought them here.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. Whoever it is must've stowed away.

They're hailing.

On screen.

This is Tom Paris of the Starship Voyager.

Prepare to be boarded.

He's charging weapons.

Evasive maneuvers.

Let's get everything on board as quickly as we can.

How many transport enhancers do you recommend, Captain?

Do I have to think of everything?

We'll need at least ten if we're going to beam all that bolomite through the geostrata.

Maybe we should take 12.

"We"? Is there a problem?

In six years I've never known you to dirty your hands with menial labor.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

You don't trust us.

Who knows what the two of you planned while I was in Voyager's brig?

As Chief of Security I would never...

It's all right.

We'll all go together.

After you.

DALA: The next populated sector is 13 days from here.

When we arrive, we'll trade the Delta Flyer for a new ship.

Voyager will never find us.

Are all the transport enhancers in place?

That's the last of them. We can go now... if that's acceptable to you, Captain.

I'm afraid there's been a change of plans.

I've found the stolen items, Captain, you can lock onto my coordinates.

I told you she couldn't be trusted.

How could you bring yourself to deceive your fellow officers?

Voyager, I repeat, I am in position.

Can you get a lock? Negative. The geostratum is too dense.

Keep trying.

Tuvok.

Voyager, now would be an excellent time to initiate transport.

You're not transporting anything.

Captain?

Voyager, please respond.

You're a sight for sore eyes.

Commander... Tuvok?

The one and only.

Logic would indicate that neither of us has the advantage.

Your logic is flawed.

Stay where you are.

What did they promise you for betraying us?

I believe you've mistaken me for someone else.

Where's Dala?

I'm afraid she's indisposed at the moment.

( groaning )

I wouldn't get up too fast if I were you, Captain.

It's going to take another few minutes for the ambizine to wear off.

Captain's log, Stardate 53849.2.

The stolen property has been returned to the Telsian miners,

as well as vessels from seven different worlds.

I'm hoping that the reputation of the real Federation

will survive the events of the last several days.

Round and round they go.

Follow the terra nut if you can. But remember, the hand is sharper than your visual acuity.

I thought we'd already disproved that theory.

You tell me.

( sighs ) The terra nut is firmly entrenched up your right sleeve.

Sorry.

That's impossible.

The old handoff.

Ooh.

That's cheating.

We've still got it.